Mall Brats: Season 2

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound They're aware of the famously tasty So here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets She has a kind of addiction Bent into this lie, she sleeps in a safe And writes vampire fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends Endless in clothes For the tale's about to start Welcome to Spoutmore Mall Brats I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara Joining me as always playing Fenton Beasley, the slide Abdulaziz Hello Hello Hello!!

Hello everybody! Playing Franklin's dying the cutter, Paul Oppers Hi there! And playing Clover Ivy Fern the whisper, Jessica Tai Hello!

When last we left our heroes, the Cool Treat Kids had begun a campaign of vengeance Against the Nog Hogs Mostly because they had gotten in a rivalry With the Wild Nogs And in an attempt to make the Wild Nogs look bad They decided to sabotage The Charles Eve Holiday Egg Nog Supply And blame them for that And blame it on the Wild Nogs And that went poorly Went very bad It was maybe one of the worst jobs we've ever pulled It genuinely was an absolute fuckfest of a job Oh my god Fenton and Franklin got caught almost instantly On fire Oh yeah Yeah, you almost caught yourselves on fire Yeah You were pulled into an office by one of the Nog Hogs Who started questioning you And your plan for getting out of there Was to attempt to put them out with a tranq And you were able to do it With a little bit of chance powder Which worked, I might add It worked so well Yeah, too well Overly well Leaving Fenton the only conscious person in the room Yeah, and there was an orc in front of the door So I stuck Yep, and your plan to alleviate that situation Was to set a fire Hoping that someone would come and save you Yes And they did To your credit, they did Meanwhile, Clover, stealth mode Metal Gear Solid, Metal Gear Clover Attempting to sabotage the equipment And that went so wrong So bad Just over and over And it ended with Clover Successfully sabotaging the equipment But taking a point of drama And being arrested by mall security Yeah And I'm jaded now Yeah Oh yeah, you're a goth in the tunnels A little emo girl Yeah Yeah, Clover was hauled off to security Questioned by Tina Durger Young, corrupt Tina Durger She's been corrupt through and through her whole career Yeah, why not, right?

You start early Yeah And Clover, instead of just taking her lumps And seeing what security was gonna do Fought like a rabid animal To get out of the guy's arms And escaped security Seeing her friends coming towards her In an attempt to rescue her Decided that she had to pull the heat off of them And ran off on her own And Borba stopped us from going after her Yeah Clover has decided to go to ground Living in the tunnels with Greg Yep And something that we realized after We talked about how sad this was Was that the Cool Treat kids Have maps of the maintenance tunnels And you could go see her probably whenever you want Yeah, I think like the tunnel leads into the chocolate factory So really, I'm just I can come home I just have to go through the back door No, it's so dramatic and huge though So do we open on you guys in the tunnels with Clover?

Or do we open on Clover just coming through the back door of the sugar shop?

Yeah, I come in through the back door We've built a shrine with Clover We've built a shrine with Clover We've built a shrine with pictures And we have like everlasting candles burning And we're like Clover and doing like a little speech That's exactly what we cut in on a memorial service It's a funeral, yeah Okay, tell me what everybody's doing in this memorial service There's a lot of kids there actually A lot of kids Totally The way we communicated it was so unclear That it really seemed like she died Everyone thought she's actually dead Even the Humberstone twins showed up for this And it's because I think everyone showed up for this Everyone showed up because they were like You know that thing where like one kid has like Sort of like a traumatic thing happen And like all the other kids are like Oh my god, yeah, me This is so affecting me Totally I need attention That's why everyone's there basically And now I'm the one that has drama They're like wow She was such a good friend of mine I remember talking to Clover one time I love that I really, really loved Clamber I think she's a really, really sweet So there's a bunch of kids And they're all standing around Fenton and Franklin Doris is there, she's serving shitty food She's catering the event Yeah, Borbo is playing sad music Yeah, and a pipe organ Yeah And he found and he rolled into the sugar shack And it's a regular organ He turned into a pipe organ in the background That sounds like shit Like paper towel tubes sticking out of it I was thinking He ruined an organ with like a hacksaw Taped a bunch of paper towels in it And he turned the paper towel tubes to the rec top And it's like there's an open casket at the front With nothing in it?

Nothing in it Like with a mannequin that you made of her Yeah, that A paper mache A paper mache Clover The head is a paper mache moth That has a face drawn on it now Yeah, yeah But you know, you gotta do what you gotta do Yeah And we put her How she would always want to be remembered In that duct tape janitor's jumpsuit It's a fucking duct tape Yeah And the first speech begins I go up there with a glass and like a spoon Everyone's already standing in front of you waiting And it's full of yogurt And I'm like Cling, cling, cling, cling, cling Cling, cling, cling I'd like to make a speech In celebration of Clover's passing My name is Fenton Beasley I'm a slide Everyone in the audience nods He was, he is, he is a slide I'm like I know not a lot of you know who I am And the ones that do Not a lot of you like me And the ones that do It's begrudgingly But That's what was so special about Clover Is I was abandoned in the mall Over a year ago I was lost and scared and alone And I was like I'm not a slide I'm not a slide It's only been a year It's been a year and Charles has happened like five times This is an unprecedented year Sometimes it happens a lot Yeah, it's whenever Charles sees his shadow And I didn't know what I was doing And I was lost and scared And I didn't know anything about like Crime or being a criminal Or really anything that didn't have anything to do with turtles or scarecrows And I was like Because as you guys know My dad is a merchant Who sells scarecrows to farmers He hates farmers Everybody nods As you know My mom loved turtles She loved turtles more than me That's why she lost me in the mall Everybody nods Yeah, everybody nods Everybody knows my backstory People are snapping But Clover found me She found me Wet And ragged and alone Drowning in one of the fountains in the food court She saved my life that day She put me in a food court She pulled me out of the fountain And she brought me here to the sugar shack And she made me a cool treat, kid And I'd be dead today if it wasn't for Clover So In honor of you, Clover And then he pulls out his cane sword And everybody in the front row Steps back Jesus And then he takes Yeah, he takes the sword And he And Fenton Legitimately had not thought this way This far ahead So he's now just holding his sword In honor of you, Clover Franklin's looking at his eyes really wide Like, what are you, buddy?

Borbo started to stand up from the organ The sound of an organ just stool Moving backwards Everybody knows that when Fenton is forced to improvise Shit goes fucking crazy I don't know if he's ever actually drawn the cane sword before So everybody's pretty scared So people were like, holy shit There was a sword in that thing the whole time And then he like Puts the blade down on the ground And snaps it in half And he's like, I'll never wield this Cane sword again In your honor Because your memory is the sword That cuts through my heart now And then he tosses the pieces into the crowd Heads up A bunch of kids dive out of the way Borbo grabs the handle Out of the cane sword And he's like, whoa Alright, and he starts clapping Thank you, Fenton, thank you And he starts to, he walks forward And kind of nudges you away from the front I still have, I still have I know, I know, buddy, I know We'll talk about it later Okay Jesus Franklin, do you have anything you want to say?

Um, hi, everybody Uh, Franklin Stein, cutter Um Everybody nods He's got his, um Um Tuxedo t-shirt on him And he's sewn back sleeves Because Of a different color They're like Beige Like they got little pockets on them Like cargo sleeves He's sewn They're the legs of cargo shorts He's sewn into sleeves Sewn off them I got them from some barbecue dads They're so loose And they're the kind with the zips on the ends Yeah, yeah Hi, I'm, I'm, uh I'm a boy of few words Everybody nods Yeah Yeah Um Clover was a special person to me And I can't believe that she's gone Down below To that place where we can Never go Until the day That we ourself are drawn Below the Our feet That we walk upon this earth Some people start crying a little bit And snapping For my For my For my speech I have Prepared a dance In In The honor of Clover's Passing Borba sits back down at the organ And it's like Just really mournful Like Me Bam bam bam bam bam Bam bam bam bam bam Bam bam bam bam bam And he's doing like Hands out in front Arch back Tip toes And then Arms back And head back And he's just like Bam bam bam bam bam bam Bam bam bam bam bam bam He's just going back and forth And back and forth Does a spin A slow spin And like Uh Very uh Purposeful like Heave crying On the coffin Oh whoa Yeah Holy shit And then like Goes to the audience And like mimes like Oh tears Falling down his face And then um Jumps up into the The rafters And is like Spinning like crazy Spider-man Like around Like his shipness So yeah Does like Uh yeah Does like a parallel Uneven barb A thing above their heads Uh and then Um As the song builds Comes to the end He lands in front of In front of the coffin On stage And uh Pulls out a match And lights the coffin And the Paper machine On fire And then ends like Boom As it like burns By Uh And everybody is Clashing with him Clapping and weeping And Borbo's freaking out Borbo runs in with a fire extinguisher And immediately starts Putting it out Uh But before But while this is all happening The dance The fire starts to burn Uh Clover You I've been watching From above The whole time From the raft Yeah Like Huckleberry Finn Yeah cause earlier I'd shown up in the In the chocolate factory And I thought You know I may I may as well pay my friends A visit So they don't worry about me And all this is going To be a Down You were worried about us Worrying about you Yeah and I'm I mean I'm touched Like That was a beautiful dance Mmhmm Clover do you see anybody Does anybody see you?

No one sees me Okay But who do you see in the audience? Seamus Oh Seamus is here Is Kesrin here?

He Yeah they are together And but Seamus is like Uh Ignoring her basically Yeah But I I want to position myself So I can Uh Get a spitball To land on Kesrin's head Cool I like that I like that she's wearing like Really tacky I heart Clover Like black Oh yeah She's totally like We were best friends Yeah We wanted to have her In the pixie sticks She She came And we asked her please And she said no I live dangerously And look where it got her Yeah Uh So I'm monkey barring Like Over I don't know No we're in down time I'm not gonna make you guys Roll for this stuff Sick Yeah Yeah so I I'm just like Very sneakily Heading over to Kesrin I'm Getting The juiciest Loogie again Yeah Gross And she's uh She's like Uh Like really playing up The weeping In the shameless Shoulder Wow And I just Drop a huge spitball And it lands Right on her stupid head Wait So when you make When you say spitball You don't mean a piece of paper That you chew No I mean literally like a Oh Like literally A gummy ball Of spit Yeah Gross Nasty And it It hits her right In the The center part Of her hair Yeah the center part So she feels it so hard And she But she is gonna start To look up Well I I hide Okay yeah She's dressed like cobwebs You know I mean I Look like a dirty Laundry pile Yeah That's true And there's a lot of those In the sugar shack Yeah so she She wipes it off her head And looks up And goes Ew And you can tell When she looks up Her face is bone dry Not Seamus can smell The hot dogs In the spit though The corn dog residue It's like It's almost like She's here I feel her presence Around me all times Meanwhile Cut to the rafters Where Clover's hiding And she's She's like Chewing a hot dog And burping Yeah Trying to do it quietly It's just Wafting over the crowd I'm trying to eat My hot dog In secret It's a long ceremony Yeah It's a pretty long ceremony Cause we have been Improvising a lot Yeah I can tell Yeah All the people Who are pretending To be your friends Are getting up And be like She literally said We were best friends So after the After the ceremony Especially after the fire Bore was like Okay everybody Maybe time to go Thank you for coming Wait but the elf Is doing catering Maybe time to go And you know Clover She's with us always She's always In our hearts And she's always nearby She's so close Right now I can feel her Presence in the room I'll pat him on the back I'm on his shoulder I know buddy Me too Okay everybody Thank you so much And he kind of Shuffles all the kids Out of the sugar shack Fenton and Franklin Have been shaking People's hands at the door I was like Thank you so much For coming Thank you for coming People are Yeah little Like kids are like You know They're really like Gripping your hands Hugging you Giving you like You know people Are giving you Casseroles and shit Oh my god Thank you Some people You know give you Spear bucks And all that kind of shit Holy shit We should have Funerals more often I have a t-shirt That says Clover forever DL04VR I'm selling them At the door Well we can't sell candy She used to make the candy We gotta make a buck We're making a fucking Mint off this Fucking funeral Yeah man Yeah so everybody Leaves in board about Kind of closes up Make sure everything's secure Wow you guys really Played up the Clover's dead thing Huh We didn't say She was dead What do you mean dead There's a coffin You built a coffin To be fair It looks exactly Like a coffin It looks exactly Like a coffin It does For a second I thought it was Gonna be like Clover drops down And then everyone Freaks out I mean Does Clover Want people to know She's alive She doesn't But she is tempted Cause it would be Super cool Yeah Bah No I wait until Everyone I don't know Is out Until it's just you guys And I drop down Yeah Clover You're back Clover I mean yeah It just came in From the back door Oh that's where that goes You didn't think I would like Abandon you Right I mean It's just that It's been like Almost an hour We just It's been so long I know We arranged this In an hour That's really impressive Actually I know It's probably The longest time We've ever been apart I think it has been That's actually Legitimately true I think we're All three together Literally every minute Of the day We all shit in a trough When one of us Has to go to the bathroom We announce it And it's so that Everyone else can like Stop what they're doing And come along Yeah Cause we're scared Of being in the bad bathroom We're pooping now Makes sense That you're so afraid Of being in this Haunted chocolate factory That Fenton's been Shitting into For a year One time Franklin went For a shit on his own And the elf Was like Fucked him up He stole his pants I don't know He took his pants off He took his pants All the way off To shit No no No no no no He took his pants off He took them off And hung them up On a hook Before he took His shit in the bathroom How you doing?

How's it been?

It's been fine I just Walked through the tunnel And I told Greg Hey I have to sleep On your couch For a while And I was like And then I came here Oh my god That sounds so hard Clover I'm so sorry You had to deal with that Yeah you know I'm just trying to be Brave about it You're doing a great job You're so brave Thanks Yeah It's pretty rough down there You know In the dark Oh god And being a criminal A wanted criminal I know I know there's a bounty On my head There is actually Is there? What?

Yeah she busted out of custody Whoa Security wants her What tells her that bounty is? Um Well Because they're like Well we'll just get the kids In the mall to turn on her Uh It's spear bucks And it's like Twenty Twenty spear bucks Yeah Holy shit But for kids that's like That's a couple weeks worth of food Catching And uh Fenton leads into Franklin And he's just like We shouldn't turn Clover in right?

She's our first Franklin just slowly looks at Clover It's a pretty good deal Honestly I wouldn't blame you We could've turned in the Paper mache you Yeah if you hadn't Lit it on fire I spent a lot of fucking time on that Less than an hour clearly but It was a pretty boss move though Maybe it was a moth I had lying around That I drew a face on but Uh Clover Um You haven't made any New friends in the tunnels right? Any cool tunnel kids That you're maybe friends with now? Instead of us?

No no not at all I I met a few rats along the way And uh You know they were nice but They're nothing like you guys Well we're nicer than you guys Than rats That's very nice of you to say You're welcome Actually I have a question Yeah Um We know Greg's down there Yeah Fenton jokingly Although I'm now assuming It's part of the world building Mentioned tunnel kids Yeah Are there like There's shit going on in the tunnels There are like people that live down there?

Yeah it's But it's like teens There's no little kids down there Yeah but there's like gangs and stuff That live in the tunnels But maybe not that many They're not A gang? There's like They're not even a gang though Like they They don't like Coming up into the mall Right Um They just like Hang out downstairs And like vibe out And make arts and crafts Okay Yeah And are those teens emo too?

They're emo But they're also like nerds They've got quite a big library Set up down In the tunnels Oh that's cool So whenever If If someone Outside of them Comes in You know They're like Shh be quiet Like we're Studying Ooh They're called the study group Oh I was gonna call them Mole brats Oh That's pretty good to me Pretty good The study group is pretty cool They've all got like Thick glasses Yeah Yeah And lanterns Yeah Um Both for the books Cause it's like nerdy Yeah But also cause it's the tunnels And it's dark They all wear like Black clothes Cause they're like emo Like gothic But they're like gothic emo Well and they're trying to stay hidden So if like Somebody comes down They just like Snuff their lanterns And put their hood up And the people just walk by And they're like Totally And they think they're invisible But it's People just don't want to talk to them Just think nobody cares Yeah So you have books in the tunnels Who gives a shit Yeah The vibe of those kids Is the Magic the Gathering kids You know Yeah It's totally that Oh and they LARP Oh In the tunnels Yes What do they LARP as?

It's a fantasy world They LARP as Wizards Yeah wizards Oh yeah They LARP as elves Uh They LARP a lot of like The history Like you know Stories from the books That they read Right Yeah Oh shit They're history nerds And yeah So you said they were Like gothic Like Victorian cravats Yeah And like frilly Oh yeah Fringy Like I'm imagining Like they're like all in Lord Byron Oh my god That'd be pretty funny Like tri-corner hats Yeah The like Plague doctor masks Yeah They're Part of the reason Why they stay in the tunnels Is because they like Being really pale Ooh Mm-hmm They're in the tunnels Because there's no portables To hang out out back up Uh So yeah We are in downtime You all get access To two downtime activities Um And plus Whatever you want to pay for With spear bucks To do But first I'm gonna roll Entanglements Uh And we'll see Kind of what the Fallout from the last Session is So you start with One D6 Roll another D6 If the target was High profile It was the Nog hogs So it was Plus one D6 If it was loud and chaotic I'd say so Yeah Yeah We started a fire Fire We started a fire In a brewery Oh we fought the security Mm-hmm Yeah Oh yeah That was Fucking chaos Clover destroyed Some machinery Fire And Well We also fought A gang twice Once in front of our hideout Once in front of their hideout Oh yeah Which one did you like better?

I liked the one in front of our hideout Cause I got to piss way more Yeah That's all I love that That's your go-to You know what I always have on me?

My wiener Yeah It's always helping me out Yeah This is my true cane sword Uh Okay So I'm gonna roll these And the highest one Is gonna determine What happens Five The crew attracts Bad notice Uh Slash Encounters rivals Fuck Stressful Yeah So I think it's going to be A couple days pass After the job And The thing that you notice Initially Is that Uh There is like security Outside the sugar shack Way more often now Oh no They are on your ass Uh They don't look like security They're dressed like In plain clothes Uh!

But you can tell That they're security They're chiseled Yeah There's no one ever Outside of our Yeah Shack anyway Yeah Yeah They're trying to look so casual They always have like Sweaters tied over Like with a knot in front of them Like what?

Yeah Their t-shirts are always ironed Mm-hmm Yeah Creases in their jeans Yeah And uh Yeah so basically It's gonna be hard for you To pull A job Because security Is gonna be watching you Like Oh like hawks Fuck Yeah Like Borbo comes back one day With some groceries And he's like That dude checked my groceries What? He checked In the groceries What? Like the guy outside?

Yeah he Walked up to me And he said Grocery check And he started pulling stuff Out of the bag Fuck This sucks This does suck Maybe we need a new hideout A new hideout? Is Clover in here? Is Clover here? Am I? Yeah I don't know Are you?

Yeah I'm here But I'm I'm hiding Because of like The security I'm staying away From any windows So I'm up in our My attic area Mm-hmm Nice Cool I pop my head down And uh I say Well you know If you want We could hide out At Greg's Franklin's freaked He looks visibly nervous I don't I mean It's just an option I But that's my That's the only place That I can go right now I think that makes sense Yeah I'm down to hang out At Greg's a bit more I mean I could also just like Go back to the tunnels No No no I'm not wanted I guess No you are wanted No That's why we have to leave I'll just Go live in the dark tunnels alone Greg probably doesn't Even want me there Clover what the fuck Are you talking about?

Oh she's being emo You wanna understand Have there been any Noticable changes To Clover's appearance?

Oh Yeah I've been hanging On my room a lot more Um I dyed a streak Of my hair black Oh Oh I like this Slowly it's turning It's bright lavender Yeah And then a black A black streak That looks cool And uh I've been experimenting More with What I call eyeliner But it's just like I don't know like Pencil shape Like pencil dust From my diary Zone Uh huh Rubbing it on my eyelids Like yeah It's like Reflecting the darkness That's inside of me Making your own t-shirts Yeah Sewing my own skinny jeans Oh no it is It is young Jessica Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Tell us more About your history Jessica Yeah I mean I vote Tunnels Alright I'm in for the tunnels Guys I never told you this What is it?

I'm really afraid of the dark Um well there's lamps down there Yeah? Yeah Like a lot of them? Yeah I mean and also Greg's place is full of glowing mushrooms It's It's pretty bright actually Yeah? Yeah How far is it? How long do we have to be in the dark? Uh it's about Maybe a minute or two minutes I don't know like There's a shortcut About ten minutes Where's the shortcut?

Cut to The chocolate factory The chocolate factory Oh no Guys I'm afraid of the chocolate factory I know but This is the only way I can't go any other There's no other way Fuck And you can't tell anyone about this spot And it's kinda gross It's dark and it's gross?

Yeah you're not gonna like it at all Oh no Oh my god So we go in the bad bathroom Oh my god Which to be clear Is a back door that opens To a cavernous chocolate river Yeah And the good bathroom is disgusting Oh yeah But the bad bathroom is worse Cause there's like not much lighting And We don't aim very well None of us Cause we're always so scared When we go in there That like we're kind of pissing And or shitting as we're running Always turning around What was that? Yeah What was that?

And sloshing on either side I as a kid was sometimes scared enough Of like the dark That I would be like peeing And then had to like start running While pissing So in this room is the chocolate river And it flows like basically This is kind of the runoff area It would flow through a hole with Like that's barred And then above it is You wouldn't see it unless you knew it's there But part of the wall is a panel And it will slide over And it has another hole The same size So it's pretty big Big enough for us And that connects down into The pipes underground In the tunnels Cool Sweet So how far do we have to traverse In the chocolate factory?

It's at the back of the chocolate factory Yeah The bad bathroom Yeah So is it like How much time do you have to spend in there To get to the Yeah I guess like five minutes Five minutes Five minutes Okay Yeah Is that right? Like takes five minutes to walk to the back?

Yeah Yeah That feels right Okay So we go We go I have a crossbow And I've duct taped up lanterns I have two on my chest And one on my Each of my biceps And then on my thighs And then Two flashlights on my knees And then some Candles I lit And put on my shoes Yeah Borbo's like Covering his eyes a little bit I taped a flashlight And then I put my shoes on And then I put my shoes on On top of my head Yeah Taped it Yeah That's not coming off I did the same for Fenton Yeah Yeah Yeah Borbo's like I'm good You guys got All the light covered Yeah Fenton He Clover kind of went nuts With his duct tape job Cause she got him to hold Flashlights in each hand And then duct taped his hands To And then she also like Duct taped flashlights To his knees Hips Elbows Shoulders And armpits And then also And then she was like Something's missing And she put two on top Of his head And then duct taped that So if he's like Running around in the distance It looks like He's like a robot Yeah Like shh So much duct tape And lights Guys It's so heavy You can never have Too much light Okay Let's go Alright Alright let me show you the way Here I'll light the way Okay What is the way like?

The way is just Us walking through The chocolate factory Along the river But like sneakily Yeah And I mean I just have I want to kind of Want to get some detail Because we've never really seen The inside of the chocolate factory Except for the river Should we all come up with Like a A detail Yeah totally Okay So the river is Windy Kind of like Willy Wonka's river And There's lots of Old copper Pipes that like Come Like come out of the river And go into like Different like stills I suppose Or Vines Vats or containers And that's where Originally they would have like Sorted the chocolate And all that stuff Sweet Yeah There's like Grass everywhere But it's like Not maintained So it's like High grass So as we have to walk through We're kind of in high grass And every once in a while You can feel something run through it Wow Yeah And there's like Also like weather In here Up high you can see like Clouds moving And then like Mist Will come in From like Just out of nowhere Sometimes And you don't want to be Caught in here in the mist Mmhmm This stuff comes out in the mist Yeah you can't see it Oh and People go in the mist And they don't come out of the mist The copper is all like Uh Green From like It's all oxides And there's moss That clings onto it Oh yeah Cool There's Chocolate handprints everywhere Oh And there's these like They're like Like small They're like weird Little The palms are really small The fingers are really long Whoa And uh Borbo is walking Kind of in the middle of All of you Trying to keep an eye on everybody And you're walking through this like Tall Thick Tangled grass And he um Some of it brushes his face And he goes like Oh Oh And he Takes a piece off And he puts it in his mouth And he chews it up This is all candy What?

You can eat it? This is all edible We have We had free food This whole time What? It's not food It's not It's candy Yeah That's food What the fuck are you talking about?

Clover starts like Grabbing fistfuls And shoving it in her pockets Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa And you start doing that And you can hear in the grass The like Shhh As things start running around Oh no Stop stop stop stop stop We should keep going And it's the kind of thing like As Dude Oh my god Oh my god Oh my god Now that Now that Borbo mentioned it Um The mist The scary mist that rolls through Smells really good Like the The grass you're walking through Is candy There's like little weeds And flowers and stuff pop up And it's all edible The clouds Are cotton candy Cotton candy Yeah The clouds are cotton candy Oh yeah I think that this is like Willy Wonka's like edible forest But overgrown And like Totally Yeah like Like it's just Ooh yeah There's like a licorice vine That'll drag you into the river Oh yeah Yeah Like It's like Jumanji But With Willy Wonka's chocolate factory And we're so afraid Yeah Maybe these handprints Are the people that Stayed here Like if you eat it You get overgrown And like weird twisted Sugar bees There's like feral people That live in the The candy forest Like that Pinocchio island Where you all turn into donkeys Or whatever Yeah Oh god Maybe that's where The elves are Yeah That would make sense And every As everyone's speculating Fenton gets too freaked out So you look at where He was And he was not there And then you look Into the distance And you can see Beams of light Running He's running He's like Okay Catch up with me Okay we'll meet you there Run run run run run run Borbo gently jogs And keeps up with All of you easily Rigo says Keep the light together And you all get to Clover's hidden panel Okay Let me show you You're gonna have to You're gonna have to Use your climbing skills So Give me your hands Borbo stands there As you're like You're gonna have to Use your climbing skills And he watches As Fenton realizes His hands have been Taped to flashlights Yeah you guys Run up on Fenton Ineffectually slamming His hands against The wall Trying to climb up And there is Wiggles and parts In the grass Coming up behind us Like Velociraptors Go Go go go He reaches up And he pulls the panel Off I think it slid off But he just pulls it Right off the wall Borbo Everybody in Everybody in Okay Borbo throw me And he starts lifting you Up into the hole I'm not going in there I don't know I'm too scared Get in the hole And you go back and forward I don't know I don't want to take My chances with these Velociraptors I don't know He grabs you by Like the back Like your belt And your collar And just whips you Into the tunnel And he climbs up Behind you And slams the The grate on behind Do we hear anything?

Yeah I think something Slams into the grate With him closing it Yikes You guys live In front of that You have a door That leads Directly in there Yeah that's why We keep it closed Most of the time Unless we're Shitting Or pissing in there I'm starting to think That you maybe Should find a new Place to live And Clover leads The way to Greg's place Yeah Okay There's a Ladder That leads down Deeper into the tunnels And I drop down And it's actually Like pretty Well lit Oh wow Yeah Oh See Told you You weren't kidding Well I look like an idiot Not like Ven here Is it well lit Like there are There are lights But also mushrooms Or is it just like Purely lit with like Glowing fungi Down in this area The tunnels are lit With a lot of like Night lights And lanterns Oh cool Just kind of like You know Sporadically Hung But in this area There's actually like Crystallized caramel That's Leaked down Oh Lines The The tunnel And there's Glowing mushrooms That are also Growing around And the crystals Like the caramel crystals Illuminate That light Yeah Cool Sick That's really cool So it's kind of this like Border between The maintenance tunnels And the chocolate factory I really like that Yeah and I think As you get closer To Greg's place You take this kind of Winding route That takes about like 10 minutes 15 minutes to get to Yeah And when you get to Where Greg's place is It's kind of Cozy It's like a guy who made Like a little hangout Sleep zone in a garage Like there's String lights hung up There's an old couch There's like A table with Cards and stuff on it Looks like maybe Clover and him Have been playing cards One Um Power bar with like Like Dozens of cords Going into it A bunch of the Extension cords are like Taped up and And really Haphazardly patched He's got Uh Tons of Aquariums With different Mushrooms growing in them Oh cool Cool For like greenhouses He has His hand Hammock And then guest hammocks One of which is mine Yeah Nice Yeah And um He also has A A basin With a little fire going That's his best place Yeah Nice Does he have a pet?

I feel like he must have a pet Ooh Something What kind of pet would he I feel like he'd have like a Lizard Yeah Oh yeah If they need warmth Then Yeah So it stays down here Cause it's all like toasty In the In the Cause he grows his stuff here Cause it's like Yeah It's like a little mushroom Inhumid right? Oh yeah What if he had a little dragon?

Oh Like a little mushroom dragon Oh Nice Oh shit But he might not Yeah he might not even realize It's a dragon Cause it's so small It's so little It's never had to compete for food So it's like tiny Yeah And I think the vibe That we've always gotten from Greg When we've seen him up top Is that he's like This weird Old Like army vet Yeah But like being down here We can see how methodical he is About like Cultivating mushrooms And like His work area And it's like There's a bunch of scientific instruments And we're like Holy shit This guy's actually like A scientist Yeah Yeah He always seemed like He was like a draft dodger type But then Oh no he was drafted Yeah He might have been a ranking officer Then he dodged after that Yeah He's even got his like Little lab set up With like The microscopes And like all these little Like spectacle things Oh cool He has a sunstone microscope Oh yeah Yeah And he's also Good pals with a study group That live down here Oh yeah He goes to their library And like checks out Those science books Cool Sometimes they like Take a look at the mushrooms Nice Yeah That's cool Cause the way that He was described On Clover's original sheet For like the contact she shows Was a psychonaut What's that?

It's a person that like Experiments with Mind altering substances To try and like Expand the bounds Of consciousness Cool So like He takes this very seriously He like Experiments with it He wants to know What they do and why And how it can benefit people Yeah Oh cool Yeah And he's got a weird little Lizard that lives in his room That's sick That eats mushrooms What does a What would mushrooms do to a dragon? Does it have mushrooms growing on it?

Well I mean They become what they eat And it's He's eating a lot of mushrooms Yeah He probably like Breathes out spores Oh Cool Yeah That's a cool idea There's a mushroom called Angel's wings So his wings could look like that They're like Almost clear with Veins going up them Oh Yeah I just picture him like A jelly Yeah You know with cats tongues Yeah Like he's kind of clear almost Squishy Yeah clear Little bumps I like that a lot He looks a bit more like a chameleon Than he does like Yeah Like a lizard or an iguana Like he's got the The two sided hands He moves really slowly Yeah Yeah I like that So he You all enter his like Layer For lack of a better term Sick And he Is He's got his back to you In his chair And he's facing his like Desk And he's He's messing with something Under the microscope And you can see His little Mushroom dragon Laying on his shoulder Just like Snoozing And he Hears you approaching And he Looks up and turns around And he's got crazy Magnifying goggles on Whoa Hi Greg Hey kids Welcome Please make yourselves at home Me tunnel A Sue tunnel Thank you Is it okay if Fenton and Franklin And Borbo Hang out here For a while For a few days Oh yeah Yeah I could probably Rustle up a couple more Hammocks And he starts like Puttering around Thank you The room in his chair You're a good guy Greg Thanks a lot Hey thanks for looking After Clover She's a good kid And I trust that You're good kids too You're An adult man And I don't know you But I assume I think you're Borbo I've heard of you So thanks for keeping These kids safe Just generally A good unit Anyways I'm gonna grab some hammocks And he starts just Stringing stuff Up next to each other So there's like Three hammocks Unfortunately he doesn't Have anything big enough For Borbo So Borbo's just gonna Sleep on the couch Nice Sick Hey Borbo It folds out into A sofa bed No What?

They make those? Yeah And he runs up to it And he starts like Looking to see where It will unfold How? Greg's This is Greg's design He's invented The futon Yeah There's a steam Engine in it You have to crank it And Borbo starts Cranking it And the cushions Pull back And the inside Starts folding out And he goes Isn't it beautiful? It's amazing Let me get some Blankets for you You know what? What? I don't even want them Okay Suit yourself It gets kind of cold Okay! What's up everybody?

It's your boy Borbo Borbom Borblo And I'm trying to go on tour With my band B4 The Burly Beach Bod Bros And we've got some sponsors That we need to play To raise tour funds Check em out Aroma Aroma Flavors Flavors Style Style Plates Plates Oof I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go culture, we've got something for you to check out.

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Well, I think all of that stuff sounds pretty sick, and I would buy it all now. Does that it? Have I fulfilled my contractual obligation? Yeah, you can leave. Okay, great. Bye. Okay, bye. We're going on tour! Ah, so what is y'all's plan? You have two downtime actions to take advantage of. I need to reduce some stress. Okay. Like a four stress. Okay. I also have to reduce stress. Mm-hmm. Is drama unclearable? Yeah, drama is permanent. Ah, okay.

And stress, uh, oh, actually, you got drama, so you shouldn't have any stress right now. I don't have any stress. And until you are able to, like, move freely around the mall, it's gonna be hard to, uh, indulge your vice, because it's going to the food court. Mm-hmm. So for downtime, is it, like, do we work on a project block, or is this… The choices that you have for downtime actions are clearing a harm box, indulging…

Indulging your vice to clear three stress, taking a segment on one of your long-term projects, or starting a new one, uh, and gathering information. And you just have one, or you do two? You get two. And if you want to spend a spear buck, you can get another one. I see. Yeah. Can I fill, uh, my long, a long-term project piece? Yeah. Yeah, what is your long-term project? It's, uh, to grow those magical mushrooms. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, what are they again? They're mind-expanding? Yeah.

Spirit mushrooms or something? Yeah, those, the ones that grew on the, uh… Oh, on Rudley! Yeah, on Rudley. The, oh, the consciousness-giving… Yeah, and that's actually what Greg was looking at when we came in. So I, I go over to his study, and I look over some of the specimens that he's got. Nice. If, if that's what it's called in science. A specimen, yeah, totally. Oh, yeah, 100%. Oh, yeah, totally.

Yeah, he's got some growing in one of his aquariums, which he has obviously retrofitted into being mushroom-growing apparatus. Yeah. Yeah. There's a bunch of, like, woolly pig hairs that I've, uh, foraged. Sick. That they're growing on. Yeah, I like that. Cool. You forage them because they're just, you're just, you were finding clumps around the mall. Yeah, basically. Because no one knows where Rudley is. Yeah, Rudley's just running around. He's on the loose. Wow. He's too smart now.

For a long time, you, you guys were trying to, like, you're sporulating the hairs and maybe, and it wasn't taking, and then you, you, uh, there was some hairs that you're like, oh, they smell like shit. Yeah. And then they sprung mushrooms. Yeah. And then you kind of realize that they need to have be smeared in the woolly pig shit. Oh, God. Yeah. It's so gross. Because they root in their own, like, they, when they're part of their. Yeah. They're pigs, man.

They have a little bit of their own poop on them. I'm experimenting with them, trying to make them, like, hopefully taste better. Because. Because they grew in literal shit. Yeah. And Greg was like, the trip is amazing, but, like, the flavor is foul. And so I'm using eyedroppers of different natural flavors and sugar. Oh, that's awesome. And I want them to try to imbue them with something. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. What, what kind of flavor has, uh, Clover gotten the most progress on?

Oh, the best one so far is cherry. Oh. It. Gross. Cherry. A cherry mushroom. Yeah. Franklin hates cherries. Yeah. I'm showing Franklin and I'm like, look, it's way better. Like, trust me, it's way better than what it originally was. The tartness kind of covers up, like, the shit taste and smell. I can still, you're getting all of it. It's all, it's a manon. And if it's any consolation, it's not actually cherry. It just tastes like cherry.

And then Fenton's like, I don't know what you guys are talking about. This shit's great. And he sucks just pure cherry flavor out of one of the eyedroppers. Oh! Fenton! Hey, kid, you're going to want to be careful with that. It takes a lot to harvest the insects that make that flavor. What? Go to the bathroom right now. I am. I am. Perfect. So that is one segment ticked. Now you could do it again if you want to take it further or if you've got another move you want to do.

You were saying that another thing I could do is get some insight? Yeah, gather information. Okay, I want to gather information. On? Tina. Fuck yeah. Nice. Durger. What do you want to learn about Tina Durger? How stupid she is. Dude, she's so fucking stupid. But mostly how I can get the ultimate revenge. Ultimate revenge. Like, what are her weaknesses? Oh, yeah. What are her weaknesses? Or her strengths and how to break them.

I like the idea that you're, like, shuffling around the vents and you're in her office, like, listening to Dashboard Confessional, like, in a bottle. And you're like, I'm going to find your weaknesses and then I'll be vindicated. And I might be selfish, but I'm strong. And I know I'm right. I swear I'm right. I swear I knew it all along. And I am. Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye!

Meanwhile, while Clover's listening to this music watching Tina, she's openly like, so here are my weaknesses in order of most to least powerful. She's talking to a counselor. Oh, yeah. Therapy session. I'd say my greatest weakness is my trick knee. My second greatest is my relationship with my mother. So I write those things down. Relationship with mother. Bad knees. What? What? So.!

I give you the đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu forces like she has access to manpower and a lot of the security in the mall are as if not more corrupt than tina is so they're willing to do whatever she says for money um what if her weakness is the fact that she's brokering a pretty big deal with the like she's in a kind of like a situation where she sort of overplayed her hand with the food court and she is like part of their scheme to gentrify the part of the mall that the sugar shack is in and she's like yeah I'll get those kids out of there and like I'll get everyone in that zone like I'll root them out like she's beholden to like the upper echelon maybe of the crime mo's and that's that's true yeah oh yeah like they're in the they're in the pocket of the food court basically yeah it could just be tina is in cahoots with uh the the people who want to gentrify this area I've an idea what security is working with the food court the food court tells them what to do uh I think that tina being a power hungry money hungry a corrupt individual she's brokered a deal the food court doesn't know about that if they did find out she'd be fucked with the wine moms yes because the wine moms want the choco factory so the wine moms want the choco factory but they're not part of the development idea I thought they were the part of the development the gentrification of it they are I think there is a I think there's a secondary deal that tina has been cut in on that maybe is related to the chocolate that they wanted to steal from the chocolate factory that dark chocolate that good good yeah dank yeah so what you learn I won't act it all out yeah that's fine uh tina is putting together a team basically for the wine moms to get access to this dark chocolate that they're going to be selling and they're not planning on cutting in the food court oh shit yeah so that's what I'm going to do I'm going to give people the give people the give people the food court so they're gonna say oh yeah we're going to deal with you guys at the food court we'll be like partners like 60 40 and then they're gonna undersell all this dark chocolate and then oh buy all their shares out and then yeah themselves wow buy all the property oh so they want this they want the dark chocolate so they can buy that property out from under the food court snake the deal out from under the food court and if the food court knew they like tina durger and the wine moms would be out so fast yeah yeah and the another weakness is that she keeps trying to refer to this group of people as tina seven and everybody hates it everybody thinks it's lame and thinks tina's lame I like that yeah oh my god that's so funny so like clover's watching and she sees oh she sees one of the wine moms come in to tina's office for a secret meeting she meets people personally with chardonnay fiero sick so I scuttle off to tell you guys through all the vents and tunnels that you're traveling through right now because I have like a few music bottles on me so I have to be really quiet and careful about it clink clink clink why did I bring all this stupid stuff through you in the tunnels like behind you in the tunnels as you're traveling through every once in a while you're like bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang what is it something's following you an elf I turn around something scuttles around the corner corb green is that you corb oh it's the fucking elf what do you want the hobnoblin pokes his head around the corner do you just what's up what do you want are you scared me kind of gets closer whoa are you lonely oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!<|pt|> oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh I Kate like that?

I talked to him in the tunnels and if you had seen it you would believe me and I know I sound crazy right now but I'm not I understood every word he tried to say yeah really?

Yeah he was like wow Clover it's been a while and I missed you and I was like you should come over and it said okay and here you are being a big old bully just like the bullies who bullied me like other like the bullies like Tina Durger you're just like Tina Durger whoa whoa I am nothing like Tina Durger have you seen her quads?

Dog shit look at these and he flexes his leg you know quads don't make you a good person boy though whoa you just cut to the heart of me I have some real reflecting to do fine I'm sorry that I tried to attack the hobnoblin but in my defense I thought that he was trying to sneak up on you and bite you yeah I appreciate it but you should probably tell him sorry yourself I'll think about it and he goes and he's like I have to be alone and he walks four feet away and lies down on the couch bed okay well I'll be over there with Franklin and Fenton and he turns away wow Borbo is super grumpy he's not getting as much vitamin D as he's used to he's feeling shitty and I'm like but Clover you know why like he's been trying to work up the courage to ask Amelia forever and then she arrested you he has a huge crush on her oh no not anymore are you sure Borbo?

I'm sure not anymore he's not sure it's over it never began but it's over now I know heartbreak when I see it he's carrying around her scrunchie in his back pocket it is not her scrunchie it's mine I found it it belongs to me now he doesn't even have long hair I like to wear it on my wrist just like she did and he flips over on his stomach and shoves his face into the mattress and then he starts shaking like it's obviously that he's crying silently into a bare mattress holy shit what a sad image and Greg rolls back in from the tunnels he went out on a little excursion to gather some materials and he comes back with like some books and is on his lap so is this okay?

What'd you all learn? What'd you learn? I learned that Tina Durger is in cahoots with the wine mom who's that? We explain yeah oh and I tell you guys what I heard so they they just want us out of the sugar shack that's why they came after me so hard they're trying to evict us so that they can get the dark chocolate those slime balls yeah don't you know that? Yeah don't you know that?

Those fucking but you whoa okay that's a swear word wow that might be the first time that we bleep out a word I'm offended that it didn't phase me it doesn't it it it's weird because this is more from a podcast perspective right it didn't phase me but I'm imagining people being phased by it and that's phasing you whoa kid hey these we fucked with clover and they fucked with us and they're trying to get us out of our home aren't you like nine?

Yeah man and I'm gonna be ten soon and when I'm ten uhhhhh I'm gonna get a necklace right here that's gonna say it's gonna say I'm ten hahaha and for listeners when I went eh I like I raked a pencil across my throat like I was gonna slit my throat but that was the mystery and that is comedy I was gonna say that he still has half of his cane sword in his hand he doesn't think it's sharp but he raked it no and he has all these like scratches and scars little cat scratches on his neck yeah there's you gotta stop doing that buddy he is actually starting to bleed oh my god I got something for that Greg comes back with a mashed up handful of mushrooms he just rubs on your neck thanks and that's not everything you guys wait there's more?

There's more they plan to undercut the food court who's that? We explain you should go upstairs more often why? Are there mushrooms upstairs?

Yeah I guess so that's the way we can get back at Tina we could get the food court on our side and tell them what she's up to or we could try and snake the door we could deal we can snake the snake oh that's a good idea what if we find a way of getting that chocolate for ourselves and then we could be having the power well we do have access to Doris and Doris has been trying to like undermine the food court for fucking ever yeah I mean if we could work with her to help broker this deal out from under both of them a triple cross yeah Doris would be able to help you out for sure in some way like equipping you a little bit or giving you some sort of schematics to the chocolate factory or some shit okay cool okay so who's next on downtime?

I'll go next I've got I'm gonna go do I'm gonna reduce some stress so I'm gonna do my vice of sewing sewing? So I thought it was dancing no it was I think sewing's a newish one yeah it's not oh you're making an outfit I'm making an outfit for Borbo I wanna make him one of the crisp um undercover cop outfits sick so that we can he can pose as a security guard nice okay okay!

I'll say that because uh vices are supposed to be relaxing things that aren't work related it's not gonna be like an effective disguise necessarily you might have to spend another one if you want it to be like an actual thing that Borbo will be able to use sure cause vice is just like something that you do just for you bro looks pretty good so far Franklin thank you very much I love the uh the beading you did for it yeah the the bedazzling I thought at first was too much it's not though it's very tasteful you don't think so?

No it's so glamorous but like in a in an elegant way you think that I should have highlighted the nipples like that? I mean that part is they look elegant right? Yeah there's like one giant bead where each nipple is yeah yeah I'm gonna look like a fucking narc in this nice work I'm gonna I'm gonna look like a narc won a ballroom dancing competition can you do a fashion show? When it's done?

Uh yeah I would love to I would love to fashion show fashion show fashion show fashion show fashion show so Borbo uh leaves into the tunnel he turns down one of the maintenance tunnels out of sight and uh he you hear him approaching going like and he slides into view and then he starts doing a really uh strutty walk right down the middle of the room going I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm imagining this is a jumpsuit right?

Is everyone else imagining that or is that just me?

He said it's an undercover cop outfit I know but it's like he cause he didn't do a great job of it so it's on one piece but sewn to make it look like there's jeans and like there's like a piece of sweater sewn I couldn't get a whole sweater so I just have like chunks of a sweater sewn to a pair of coveralls perfect so he struts down he's like I'm a cop security stop duh duh duh duh duh best part and he grabs the front and he pulls it off whoa and the whole thing comes off in one piece and he's wearing his regular athletic outfit underneath and he's like for one I need to fucking work holy shit he bows Greg's like oh I love having you kids down here this is so cool Franklin walks out like he's Vanderbilt like you know when they always walk down the runway thank you thank you very much thank you gonna be all the rage next season tearaways huh patent pending thank you that's my name you can't use it uh great so that's three stress gone and do you got another uh activity in the in the hopper uh I would like to build a weapon cause I haven't added anything to my candy weaponry mhm I think now's a good time to beef up the arsenal yeah uh okay yeah it would be a long term project block cool uh so we'll call it four segments okay so you get to take it once this would just be I wanna come up with something down here so I don't have an idea what it is but I think it's gonna be mushroom based maybe that squishy mushroom you make people turn people into jelly what the fuck like like make them all blissed out and turn them into goo oh oh my god and then they can't chase after you yeah they don't die oh I see I thought you meant turn them into actual like goo no it's like a paralytic right yeah hell yeah yeah but it turns you out super jellyish yeah hell yeah oh gummy bears oh oh so smart I'm gonna build gummy bears that's really good really smart and cool and funny that's a good name getting a little tired Fenton's really into it I'm not tired me neither no is Fenton like sneaking samples yeah you can tell cause he's pretty jelly right now it's hard to tell yeah yeah I mean I'm naturally a pretty jelly kind of guy I'm naturally kind of a jelly boy your kneecaps look like they're gone yeah I know where are your elbows stop stop stop looking at them and it won't be an issue alright are you doing the luau right now um I think Franklin was testing these on me to start and then I maybe got a little bit addicted to them uh oh uh okay speaking of which what are your downtime activities Fenton um I'm going to indulge my vice to clear three stress which is writing fan fiction yeah uh it was you changed it recently to spy fiction was that a problem was that a permanent change or is it still vampires primarily it's still a lot of vampire stuff vampire spies yeah it's vampire spies now fuck yeah spy by night oh that's a good name for it spy by night away from here I gotta rush over this one um yeah so vampire it's like still vampire fanfic um and also I wanted to gather information because I was writing the vampire fan fiction uh and I was writing the vampire fan fiction and I was up in the the tunnels like workshopping it with my writing group uh and which is the hobnoblin uh so what kind of input does the hobnoblin give you a lot of that kind of stuff and then I kind of just project whatever onto it he ate one of the pages like it's a real he's kind of helpful I know I know what you mean man yeah Eduardo's character needs more depth he needs I think he needs to be betrayed by someone who he trusted right like he trusted someone and he thought they were friends and then that person chose someone else over him and then that person uh betrayed him and then the person that he was friends with chose the other person over him no you don't like it no you're right it sucks it's like Nick talking to Tran in the park in New Girl just that old quiet dude that he's like I love you man I knew that's what you were gonna say god damn it you should be writing these books we should co-author it this is mostly your stuff you came up with the whole uh vampire baby plot line I mean yeah I took out that whole weird baseball scene that you pitched and it was it did not serve the story at all why would they need to play it during a thunderstorm yeah but thunder is paired with lightning it wouldn't make any fucking sense it's the dumbest thing I've ever fucking heard that's why I replaced it well that they have to play tetherball during a hailstorm oh oh yeah it's to mask the sound of them slapping the tetherball it sounds like hail it's a totally different thing alright fine I'll add one baseball scene back in I love this partnership Fenton and the monster that he projects onto uh yeah there's a lot of stuff going on here there's really some kind of like psychoanalytic metaphor there yeah but I would say that this is a co-author and you know what why don't we use a pen name that represents both of us Fenton and the only time that he's taking his words literally oh right right and he's like alright and then I go and I am writing like the the author and I'm like and the author is uh Stephanie Myers Fenton and he nods and he looks really pleased and then he grabs it and he starts eating it yeah just eating the manuscript out of your hands what a genius he's just he's just just stone faced eating it in front of you not even excited just um okay I was really expecting you to reveal that Fenton has been writing these stories with his writing group that is vampires that live in the mall everyone thinks it's fiction but it's not it's not biographical I think I've mentioned it before but there is a a quote unquote coterie of vampires that live in the mall but Fenton is canonically afraid of them yeah totally well and because he's afraid of them he used to go to the theater right yeah and they live above the theater that's why he doesn't go there anymore and I'll make my own theater I wish a theater of the mind yeah exactly oh man um so then the other thing is that that plot line about the betrayal it gave him an idea oh sorry I gotta get out of the ring ring ring yeah oh and he wants to do a gather information cool because he has a theory yeah that Clover got arrested uh-huh because Kessarin tipped security off as to our plans because how else would they have fucking known what we were doing oh my god that little squat take that out yeah why I don't know it's a made up insult that I didn't like the sound of sounds you don't want to leave that in sounds kind of racist that's gotta be racist it does sound sweet you know I give you the Fred's like nah nah that's definitely not what you mean I'm gonna Eiffel Tower her so hard if I find out that she double teamed us what does Eiffel Tower mean?

You know when you tell somebody's parents that they did a bad thing you go straight to the top you go straight to the top she's gonna regret ever fucking with this devil's threesome that's what my beer league baseball team calls me devil's threesome yeah cause I can usually get three bases in one go okay so what's your gather information? It's just that you discover this or it's that you have a theory that this is what happened I have a theory and I want to prove it okay so how do you do this?

Do you have an idea? I don't know like do you and Franklin go out and do a spy or like gossip or I don't know yeah start asking around yeah I can't go with you though I know you can't I'm a wanted criminal unless what? We disguise you what? How? Da da da da Mrs. Gilbert yeah Mrs. Gilbert I pull out the Mr. Gilbert costume and it's like it's time you're ready for this I'm ready cut to she's the bottom of the Mr.

Gilbert outfit Finn's on the top he's got a wig on Franklin is so happy you can do it it's really sweaty in here it's harder than you think it really is I wasn't expecting it to be so bad Fenton's knee pits have extra sweat glands in them yeah Franklin is packed the inside of the trench coat with like sham wows cause he knows how sticky he can get great so Mrs. Gilbert enters the mall you're ready for this him wearing a wig is Franklin with us?

Yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm their kid oh yeah you're pretending that you're not a kid Mrs. Gilbert's your mom are you wearing like Fenton's little sailor boy outfit? Oh he's so small on me so tight so tiny are you sure this is gonna work? Yeah man I come up with great plans this is the best it's true and you know what to his credit no one's even looking at you that's the thing with Mr.

Gilbert and Toblerone Jones and the variety of offshoot characters stunningly people don't usually realize it right away okay so we're gonna go so what's the play here? Where can we get this information to confirm that she did definitely tell like security this thing what if we go to Millie with the guise of like a like a little what?

Oh sorry yeah Millie would be a good person because when she was arresting Clover she seemed really broken up about it so she knew something was up uh huh okay I have an idea okay what if we go to Millie as this adult yeah uh with this kid and we're just like hey um we heard that there was a kid that got arrested for the thing with the nog hogs that nog thing that happened um that nog thing?

Yeah and we wanted to make sure that little Chauncey here Chauncey again didn't or we'll think of it differently Chauncey works great little Chauncey here didn't have a chance to interact with you know that kind of element uh so we just want to make sure that everything's fine and that that that that little girl isn't at his school or anything uh cause we w- we wouldn't wa- he's a very impressionable young boy and we wouldn't want him to be affected by it I want a bigger lolly he's got a huge fucking lolly he's almost as tall as Fenn on Clover's shoulders so he's pretending to be a little kid with this deep pubescent voice he's like mommy mommy give me a bigger lolly well I mean the child is currently in custody yeah so so every that that's fine oh you got her yeah yeah yeah wonderful wonderful and uh is there um are there any children that were involved in kind of like turning her in or anything cause that's the right kind of crowd that we want little Chauncey to be a part of I this is an active investigation so I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an Tip.

Alright, that's all you had to say, Millie. Thank you very much. Uh… She's not wearing a nametag, so she's like, I do I? Uh, oh, oh! Mommy, I have to pee! Oh, my- I have to pee so bad! Oh, my little boy has to pee! I have to go, sorry! I- okay- Run! Start running! Ah! I start running, but I, like, can't see which way Franklin's going, so I start- I'm kinda like, Ah! I like to- And the whole, like, Mr. Gilbert is- Yeah. There's weird angles happening in the trench, cause- Yeah.

I just- Franklin's holding her hand like this, but also, like, holding her up, doing double duty. I just realized, I imagine that one of the arms this whole time has been, like, a fake arm, and the other arm, Ratatouille-style, is inside, tugging on whoever's hair is driving. Just to get them to go in the right way. Yeah. Uh, great, yeah, so… Millie didn't say specifically, yeah, it was Kessin Ro- Kesserin Ropes, but she looked pretty shaken up when you said it outright. Yeah. Affirmation.

As we're running away, we teeter, and then we slam into a door with a crash bar in it that goes into a stairwell down, and then you hear all three of us tumble. Whoa. Cause the part of Mrs. Gilbert that hits the crash bar is just, like, the middle, like, around Clover's shin. Jesus! Just, wham! Oh! Uh, that's great, so, yeah, that's what you know about, uh, this situation, Kesserin Ropes informed on the Cool Treat Kids to get, uh, Clover arrested. Ah, fuck! Fuck, Clover, it was Kesserin!

I knew it. She doesn't have a good bone in her body. Do you think sh- we could shake her down? What's she getting out of this? Well, like, she's getting Seamus out of it. Drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge! And that's where we're gonna end it for this week? Yes! Totally. Also, we could definitely use, uh, Kesserin Ropes to feed misinformation to the public.

Also, we could definitely use, uh, Kesserin Ropes to feed misinformation to the public. Also, we could definitely use, uh, Kesserin Ropes to feed misinformation to the public. Yes, I agree. Yes, I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree.

But joining me as always playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdulaziz. So long. Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Drive a witch. Playing Clover Ivy Fern, the whisper, Jessica Tai. Break them up. Thank you to listener and Discord user and patron and all around slick individual Quinn for intro and outro music that you can hear at the top and bottom of every show. Absolutely astounding. Thank you to you, our Patreon supporters. Without whom the show would not and could not happen.

So thank you so, so much for all of your support. We'll see you next time. Always up to no good. So tiny and greedy. And angsty they be. As they navigate crime and puberty. Puberty. And though our journey. Be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to the chocolate store. As the cool treat kids plan their next score. And for you, I'll gladly spout more. I give you the

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound Their wares are famously tasty Here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisperer, she makes all the sweets She has a point of addiction Benton's the sly, she sleeps the same And writes the empire of fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's what they were before So gather round, friends Endless in clothe For the tale's about to start There you go, that's recording.

Wow, all right. That's never happened before. That's the first time that happened. That's fine. That's okay. Never happened before. It's all good. It just means that we got warmed up. No big deal. We did a rendition of Skater Girl that is lost to time now. It was fine. It was pretty good. Yeah, it was pretty good. Pretty good? It's good. We'll do an extra recap song next episode. Sorry. No, it's okay, man. That was so funny. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Spoutmore Mall Brats.

I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me is always playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdul Aziz. Hello, everybody. Playing Franklin Stein. Franklin Stein. And the cutter, Paul Oppers. Hi there. And playing Clover Ivy Fear and the Whisper, Jessica Tai. Hi. When last we left our heroes, the Cool Treat Kids put on a funeral for their good friend, Clover Ivy Fern. Mm-hmm.

Convinced that it was necessary for all the kids to know that their lives had changed irrevocably because Clover had moved into the tunnels, convincing all the kids in the mall that Clover had died. Yeah, we didn't clarify at all exactly what we were doing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think Clover's dead now.

As Clover watched from the rafters while the funeral was attended by all of the children of the food court and Doris of Shitty Foods. That must have felt good. Yeah, it did, actually. It was very validating. Holy shit. Except for one of the pairings. Oh, yeah. Being Seamus Seamason and Kessarin Ropes. Mm. Kessarin telling everybody how close her and Clover were. Yeah. We were not close. And unless I'm mistaken, Clover was the closest. Clover spit and or farted in the direction of Kessarin Ropes.

It was spit. It was just spit. Yeah. But she was farting up in the… Right. That's what it was. Yes. Then after the funeral, everybody moved into the tunnels, traveling through the bad bathroom, aka the outer outskirts of the chocolate factory, discovering a candy jungle and some sort of horrid monsters within. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Going into Greg's sanctum, a maintenance tunnel slash boiler room where he lives and grows his mushrooms and Clover is living, along with his mushroom dragon, the tiny little like newt-sized dragon that lives on his shoulder and eats mushrooms. Mm-hmm. We learned about the study group, a group of tunnel goths that live down here and have their own secret library, and did some leg work discovering the weaknesses of the head of security, Tina Durger. Mm-hmm.

Learning that she has a bad relationship with her mom. Mm-hmm. She has bad knees or a bad back or something. And most importantly, she is working off the books with the vineyard to cut a real estate deal within the mall and force the food court out of the real estate game. And we learned a bit more about the real estate plans of the vineyard, which just involve buying up all of the stores in this part of the mall. Mm-hmm. Developing. Mm-hmm.

And then with all of that information, decided to pull the most high stakes score of perhaps the Cool Treat Kids career. Yes. Break up Kesserin, Ropes, and Seamus. Right, because I learned that Kesserin was the one who informed. Right. She's the one who told Millie and, well, and Tina Durger where to find Clover. Clover. That you guys were pulling a job in the knock hogs. Yeah. And also, I cleared stress by writing a book. With the elf. Yes. With the hobnob. That's true.

And Franklin began some work on some new weapons. Yeah. Gummy bear. Yeah. Which were still unclear if you eat it or stick to, it sticks to you, but it turns you into goo or something. I'm working on that. I'm working on that. It makes your bones turn to jelly. Yeah. Jelly worms. Yeah. Gummy worms. Makes you all jelly. Horrific. Yeah. And that is where we find our kids now. Preparing. To. Break up. Break up. Break up Kesserin. And Seamus. So, uh, the way. Franklin's doing pushups. Oh yeah. Good.

That's great. He knows how. And Fenton's doing pushups, but he's, he's, he's doing the, like the weak version of pushups. Like the wall ones? Uh, yeah. I was going to say the knee ones, but also I don't think he's strong enough to do knee pushups. Yeah. Knee pushups can still be tough. Yeah. So he's got his belly resting on the ground. He's just like pushing up from his belly. Yeah. While you two are doing pushups, I have a white. I have a white. I have a white. I have a white. I have a white.

I have a white. I have a white. And I have a plan of attack written on it, drawn on it. Oh. Um, talking about like, these are Seamus's favorite date spots. These are his likes and dislikes. This is Kestron. Um. I like that Seamus, like the drawings of their two faces, it really looks a lot like Seamus, but Kestron looks like a horrible monster. Like, yeah, with all this girl stuff on the face. Yeah. I thought like, I gave her fangs and like blood coming out of them. Yeah, totally.

That's totally what Kestron looks like. And then she's got a white face. She's got all these fart smells around her and the dead flies in her hair. You can always tell that she's coming because it smells like shit. Fucking beautiful. Clover's been duct taping to her outfit for like two months. We all know who smells like shit here. Yeah, Clover's just projecting. For some reason, she hasn't changed her clothes. Yeah.

I like the idea that she does take that outfit off, but she duct tapes it back on her body fresh every day. Yeah, and you can't wash it because otherwise all the tape is going to come off. Yeah, what would you do with all that duct tape? I don't know. There's literally no other option. Anyway, back to the map. Yeah, and here's when we're going to start doing engagement stuff, the engagement roll, again, to help us plan this stuff. Great. So with every score, you need to decide your plan.

So there are six choices for what kind of plan you're going to do. Assault, do violence to a target. Deception, lure, trick, or manipulate. Stealth, trespass unseen. Occult, engage in supernatural activity, which is like the weird chemical, magical horoscope stuff. Social, negotiate, bargain, or persuade, or transport, carry cargo or people through danger. Probably not transport. I really doubt it's assault because you kids are not that style. Probably not occult?

I mean, we are working on that mushroom that changes your consciousness. It'd be funny to see what happens when Kessron gets it. It makes a pig smarter. Maybe turn her into a pig-brained moron. That's a great plan. Match her pig vampire face. That's a really good idea, Franklin. I never thought of that. And I add it to the board. Turn her into a pig. She's like eating shit. And Fenton's just like, so do we want to drug her again? Oh, yeah, no. Remember we did that that one time.

It really felt bad. It really changed the direction of our entire lives. And she might see it coming. So I scratched that up. And I feel like we had to work for a while to get Clover off of the assault. We just, we can't, Clover, please. You've got to slow down. Why not? It's just not a good scene. We don't want to be the kids that, I mean, we burn the fudgies. People are already kind of iffy on us. Yeah.

And eventually, while you guys were talking to her, Greg just like rolls up in his chair and rolls right up to the board and erases assault and then just leaves. Dad. You know, come on. No, you can't. No, I'm not going to let that happen. God. Fine. So deception, lure, trick, or manipulate. Like how do you guys think that they would attempt to. With social one of them? Social, yeah. Okay.

Negotiate, bargain, or persuade, which could just be you trying to persuade Seamus to break up with them or break up with Kessaron. Or that he still has a shot with Clover. Oh. He's obviously still in love with her. That'd be so funny. We'd have to reveal that you're not dead. Yeah. To Seamus. This is starting to sound kind of occult, actually. We can make Beth him like a ghost of a lover's past. Yes. That's so funny. That's a good idea. And then have him break up with her.

And we all, what if we do it in a public place? Like at a Sadie Hawkins dance? Yes. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's a good idea. Like maybe that dance is coming up and we're like, how can we? Yeah. Yeah. Rig this. Yeah. And then what if we revealed that you were alive at the end of the dance? Like Carrie? So let me, okay. Let me make sure that I have this straight. The plan right now is to try and convince Kessaron and or Seamus that they're being haunted by Clover. I didn't even consider Kessaron.

That's really good. That's a good idea. Oh, I thought that was the plan. I thought we were just going to convince Seamus he was being haunted by. We could do both. And then, you know, one of you guys could dress up as me. Dibs. Dibs on that. Okay. All right. Perfect. I didn't even say anything. I was going to say Franklin because he's a little more like graceful and tall and willowy. She's picking her nose and falls over. Fine. Whatever. Franklin, you could do the thing.

And then I throw the purple wig on the ground. Buddy, you already have the wig here. It's yours. No, I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it because people think I'm too small and, and, and rotund. And everybody thinks that I, if I fall on a slope, I'll just keep rolling. And that happened once. Okay, guys. Okay. So the plan is a cult. In fact, that's pretty. And so the detail that you need for a cult is the arcane method, which sounds like disguises.

I think also we could do something where we not drug them, but create an atmosphere of wackiness. Somehow. Yeah. Like smoke machines and like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, translucent. Oh! What? Yeah. Because remember, he feeds his mushrooms to the little dragon in the dragon's see-through now. Yeah. Yeah. Greg, do you have any more of those left? Well, I mean, I got some of them, but I don't know if they're ready for human consumption. Oh.

He starts turning a little translucent. I mean, I have no problem eating them. I don't know if I'd feed them to a 12-year-old girl. Wait, are you 13 yet? Uh, not yet. All right. I can't feed them to a 12-year-old girl. Wait a second. No, Greg, stop. Hold on. I recall in my memory that I turned 13 last week. Oh, yeah. We had a happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. You were there. Greg. And Borbo rolls into the room on his rollerblades.

He's like, Clover, it's not your birthday. Yeah, it was. Shut up, Borbo. Remember, it was last week. I thought your birthday was in like six months. No, it's in one year. It's in less than a year. Because I already turned 13. Wink. And then Fenton throws the broken half of the cane sword at him. Okay, so Greg is weak. You could potentially get some mushrooms from Greg. What do I roll? You tell me. Remember, you tell me the action that you could use, and I'll tell you how effective it'll be.

Well, we're lying to him and telling him you're 13. I guess sway, so I'll have to do a resolve. Yeah. Okay, so I have one in resolve. Okay. So I roll one. Mm-hmm. Three. A three, I believe, is a failure. No. Damn. We might just have to steal. Yeah, three is a failure. Yeah, that would be the consequences. If you want them, you're going to have to steal them, which might hurt your relationship with Greg. Or you can just figure out a different way to do it. He goes, no, Clover, come on.

I know a little bit more than giving strange mushrooms to little kids. He's fully clear now. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's just been turning clear the whole time he's been talking to you. Can you move a little bit? We can't. I can't really pinpoint you. You're making me I'll. You can just see his full eyeballs jiggling in his head above his mustache. Gross.

Maybe when you're a little bit older, I'll let you take some of the weirder stuff, but I wouldn't feel good about that. Fine. You're not invited to my birthday anymore. Clover, come on. No. Wow. Which is in exactly one year minus a week. You hear that, Mushy? We're not invited. We're not invited. And I think his name was Mushy. And he's totally limp on Craig's shoulder. He doesn't react. But you get the idea that Mushy's sad that he's not allowed to come to the birthday party.

It's a real person, but their see-through is so creepy. Oh, I hope that's a ghost. I almost want it to be a ghost now. 3D clear person. It's really creepy. Okay. So we know the method. Do you have disguises? Yeah. Or would you need to get disguises? Ooh. You might need some spooky dresses from… Oh, yeah. The, uh… The Goths. The tunnel Goths. The tunnel Goths. The study group. I don't want to talk to them. I'll talk to them. I've been actually hanging out with them. Okay, cool. All right.

The plan is to go to the study group to try and get some of their… The old timey, some powdered wigs and weird clothes. They might have makeup that we can wear that'll make us look like ghosts, I guess. Okay, let's go. Okay. So you head through the tunnels as you get further and further from Greg. Greg's fairly brightly lit. Like, he takes care of his area and makes sure that the tunnels around it are easy to navigate.

But the closer you get to the study group's lair, the lights start to dim and are replaced with, like, dim white flames in old school, like, wrought iron lanterns. Whoa. Cool. Pipes run along the ceiling, gently hissing steam, sometimes sounding almost like a pipe organ. A soundtrack. Gloomy. And foreboding. Ah. And then the lights get even darker. Ah. You can't… You can barely see in front of your face. Can we light up our flashlights or duct tape to our body? Right. Yeah, you can do that.

Now you immediately turn all your flashlights on and you hear a bunch of kids go… And you're in a relatively towering, which means it's two levels instead of one level. Ah. Ah. Sanctum. Ramshackle bookshelves. It's everywhere. Books covering every inch of this place. And people in black, ornate clothing, dresses, suits, capes, cloaks, robes, standing all around you. Hello. We come in peace. Someone glides forward. They look like they're about 15 years old. Oh my god. A pallid. Look.

A real vampire. Oh my god. Oh my god. A sharp, Romanesque nose. A nose. Slick back. Hair. Like a suit with a string tie. Like the ones that are kind of like a bow and then the strings run down. Like Colonel Sanders. Like Colonel Sanders. And they say, welcome. What brings you to the abode of the study group? Uh, we have come to beg from your royal vampiric highlanders.

The, the, uh, honor of using some of your makeup and old timey clothes to help scare a little girl and a little boy into breaking up with each other. And then he flips the cape. Uh, and, uh, the 16 year old boy runs his hand along his absolutely hairless chin and is very clearly pretending to rub like a long goatee. Yeah. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee.

That's not there. So, hmm. An interesting proposition. Continue. He looks at Franklin as Franklin steps forward. Uh, Lord Sanderson III, I have been training some of your men in the ways of candy battlement and you have been teaching me to, um, be one with the sh-sh-sh-sh-shadows. Is this true? Yes. Okay. Okay. Okay. Franklin has been training, uh, some of the people in- Because they're just a bunch of goth nerds. He's been trying to teach them how to defend themselves. So is this a flashback?

Because we haven't done a flashback in forever. I guess it technically is a flashback. Let's see a quick montage of what does it look like Franklin's training some of the study group. Uh, he's doing, um, first he has them all like doing wall pushups and the most of them are just like, oh, like standing against the wall. And then the one of the guys like has a book that he's put up against the wall and he's reading. Trying to turn the page. And he's like, no, no, no. And slaps the book out.

And he's just like giving them fists like you can do it. And then they cuts to the next scene and they're all doing knee pushups, but they're falling. They're failing. And the other guy's got the book and he's like, he's got his nose caught in it. And then the cuts to, um, corner that they're pointing in. This camera zooms into the, like the darkness of the corner with, I think. And Franklin's like, and then, uh, what did I just call him? Lord Sanderson the third. Yeah. He's like, like.

And he's like, oh, it was gently pushes him in towards it. And he walks in for like two seconds and then they turn the lights on and everyone's there and it's like happy. And there's a cake there. And they're like, hey, see, it's okay. There's nice things in the dark. And he's like, oh, I guess. And he peed himself a little bit. And then they go back and they're all doing pushup, full pushup. Wow. Bum, bum, bum. Uh, and. Eye of the tiger playing.

Uh, and Sanderson goes, you have taught us well, young Franklin. And he gets down one and on one. One. And then offers his, um, candy cane sword as like, you know, uh, my sword is yours. I am your hired cane. And he picks up the sword and he considers it and then hands it back to you. Hilt first. Wow. Rise. And he, uh, holds his hand forward and on his, uh, ring finger is one of those glow in the dark spider rings. Sick. And he holds it forward to you to kiss. Oh, to kiss. To kiss.

Yo, you want me to kiss that? It is our costume, yes. So everyone's kissed that? Most. A little spritz. Gives a little spritz and then kisses it. Mm-hmm. What would, what would he call you? Like, you're definitely a knight of the study crew now. Oh, a knight of the, yeah, a knight of. Su-su-su-su-su-strong sweeties. Yeah. I guess. I. Stein. I mean. Works fine, Sir Stein. Sir Stein. I mean, tux. Well, I remember my half-boy tux t-shirt. Yeah.

You could call him, like, Steam Knight or Tunnel Knight or. Yeah, Shadow Whisper. Yeah. We'll, we'll think about it. Yeah. You can workshop those names. We're actively workshopping it right now. So, uh, Tunnel, Tunnels, Sword, um, Sugar, Sugar Sword. What about. Sugar Sword. Sir Sugar Sword. Stein. Sir Stein of the Sweetblood. Wow. Wow. I love it. I like that. So legal. Whoa, that's pretty good. I, okay, all right, okay. Rise, Sir Stein of the Sweetblade. Stand up and take a bite of his blade.

You are a trusted ally of this country, and thus we shall impart on you these things that you ask of us. Thank you. It is an honor and a privilege. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I give you the privilege. The honor is all yours, Shirley. No.

And, uh, a couple attendance, uh, that look like they're the same age, but for some reason in this role-playing, they've been told that they're the attendance, step forward with a box of clothes and like a bag of makeup and he says, now, begone from all domain. Okay. Then we back up. Yeah, we all back up in unison. Thank you. Bye. Thanks again. Thank you. See you later.

I knock over a candelabra as I walk It's fine Someone will pick it up Just go please We're playing a game We turn and run I knew you'd hear him go Are they LARPing? Do we walk in on them LARPing? Oh yeah they're definitely LARPers 100% LARPers They LARP as like Victorian vampires Yep definitely Okay cool so you have clothing and makeup And you don't have mushrooms But you're thinking about stealing them Is this going to happen? Is somebody going to steal these mushrooms?

I'm going to steal them when Greg's asleep When he's having his afternoon nap We're going to steal from Greg?

Just a little bit I'm just going to cut off the tiniest little shroom He probably won't even notice Okay Okay So Clover knows when Greg takes his afternoon nap Like he's at his desk In his chair And he works and he works and then he just And Mushy Doesn't move an inch A muscle but his little His little eyes close Okay I sneak up I go to the little Mushroom place Which is an aquarium Yeah he has like fish tanks Okay Franklin can you hoist me up?

Up up up Okay Fenton the scissors And I throw the scissors in the air and I'm like Okay I'm going to steal them I throw I throw And it's They were open when he threw them too So it's just like blades everywhere Oh my god In the dark Just whipping through the air Honestly I'm not going to make you roll Because the potential of Greg finding out that you stole these mushrooms Is of more concern We could get grounded We could get kicked out Yeah Alright yeah so you sneak up on him And you snip off just like a tiny little Tiniest little mushroom Yeah And it's surprisingly like hard to cut through Because it's so squishy Yeah But tough so it's like Yeah It's weird Very rubbery But I do it And I put it in my pocket Yeah Maybe the thing is that you think you only have enough For one of you to do this like translucent thing So it's something you're going to have to hold on to Until you're ready for it Yeah And Fenton shows up with a smoke machine Where'd you get that?

Uh Uh Flashback Flashback I'm talking to Tremolo Remember? And the The The elves that were running the cooler for the fudgies Oh yeah That one time Oh right The unionized elves? Yeah And I uh I was like hey dude Are there any elves that like work in a smoke machine That would do me a solid for freeing you guys?

Um Yeah no my cousin works in a smoke machine I can talk to him Okay cool Uh the only thing is And he We cut to the smoke machine Because elves are not small really It's like It's like a big box on wheels That you gotta roll around Oh okay so it's huge It's probably about Knowing how big Fenton is It's probably about as big as Fenton So Fenton pushes in a box That is the same size as him And he's like Guys I got us a smoke machine And his cousin the elf Is just like this big Big elf Yeah the door pops open He's like Hey what's up kids?

He's smoking He's got a huge Like a cigar and a pipe He's got a huge cigar in his hand Saying what's going on? He's got a little fireplace in there too He's got a lot of different ways To make fire He's got little tiny Like herrings hanging On a string He's smoking Yeah Happy to be of assistance Well thanks What's your name?

Uh I don't know you tell me Uh Beefy Randy Beefy Randy They call me Randy Beefs Happy to help Close the door Okay There you go Click Whoa How do we get The smoke out When it's time? You don't even worry about that Randy Beefs Has got a lot of control Okay We just tap the lid then? You give this box a good kick You want us to kick your house? Oh jeez Are you okay? Do you want anything else?

No This is all I need In life Okay Uh so you guys have all the stuff That you need Now you just need to tell me Where you're doing this Yeah well Clover what was on your Um Your crime board Of Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Oh you mean this And I swirl it around The drawing of Kessarin Has become more elaborate And she looks like a sphinx now Like she's got the body of a goat Oh like a liger Yeah I started coloring it in And doing like shading on it I mean it's Like I'm not a good artist So it's really bad A lot It's really good There's a lot of time put in I'll say that A lot of time Yeah The emotion is there Yeah Yeah Flies dying Yep From the stink Yeah From her stupid shitty face Yeah Yeah She poops out of her face There's a little note That says she poops out of her mouth And then A snake's like her And there's a snake Giving a thumbs up somehow A snake's like her Uh Yeah So like Is this gonna be Like does Clover have a list Of locations That they're gonna stake out To see if they're going on a date Yeah So some of his date spots That I knew That he would Um Like Were If he If he wants to be fancy He likes to go to poofs Um But Usually his Most favorite spot Is Chili's And what No no no What is Chili's Chili's is A white people Restaurant Wait Is it Arctic themed Delete that That's not what I meant Um Chili's is an Arctic themed Restaurant For white people I mean snow people Yeah I mean Um It's for people Who can't handle spice And it often features The foods of the north Everything's got mayonnaise in it Yeah A lot of Uh Ice cream Pasta salads Every dish comes with Like a little bowl Of sour cream Just in case It's too spicy So it's like Traditional like Northern food But Uh Scaled back for The more like Principalities palette Yeah All the tables have salt And they're all like No pepper Yeah Yeah He also likes to go to Um The light depot And go to the Twinkly light section And go Oh Walks under there Oh wow Wait so he goes to like A home depot And walks through The light section That's really romantic That is such a wicked move For a 12 year old boy That's very cute But you have to walk Through the toilet section To get to the light section Yeah But there are Some really nice toilets In there Some really fucking romantic There's a two seater Romantic love seat toilet Yeah And he will take his date To those toilets as well Yeah you're allowed To sit on them Yeah I took Penny there once We didn't know The toilets were hooked up Um I'm Honestly most Most of us don't They had to They had to hook them up They were for years And they're like We gotta just simply We have to plumb these These need to be plumbed We simply have to plumb these It was just cheaper Yeah Cheaper These are cheaper This is Gene They got a new manager He's like I have a wacky new idea I love it Um He also Uh Like Like Like Like on group dates He likes to sneak into The The pool area And go to the hot tub After dark Whoa Wow Holy shit Hot tub after dark That's cool That's scary too That is spooky That is a scary That is a scary location Are we going back To the crystal pool Oh yeah The location of one of our Worst failures We could Yeah let's do it I think so Yeah But after dark That's the plan After dark Crystal pool After dark Crystal pool After dark Crystal pool After dark Crystal pool Oh sorry shit Sorry I thought you We were all doing it for a while No we're done man We're done Um This time The dark is after Is Borbo coming along Do you think Borbo Has Borbo been hanging out With you guys Now that you're in the tunnels Or Do you think he's kinda Yeah he's still around Okay cool Yeah he's living down there with us Oh he lives down here with you Okay cool He's been going up and checking out And making sure Like the door is open Or the door is locked Yeah He goes and checks the sugar shack To make sure everything's cool Oh yeah He needs Maybe he's like going in and out Of the sugar shack To convince the security guards That are hanging out out there Oh no That are staking it out That we're still in there Oh that's good Yeah And he does like the home alone Style thing Yeah totally I'm still here Being pining over the little girl boy Sorry thing that I used to love He's doing like puppets Yeah That's exactly what he's doing all day And then he comes back Into the room Into the tunnels at night And he sleeps on that sofa bed Right yeah Yeah There was that sofa bed That he was obsessed with Right yeah Oh right So it turns into a bed Yeah and every time he does The home alone style Christmas party puppet show Corb Green is outside the sugar shack Looking at it with binoculars And he's just like It's always the same song I guess they're all still there Party Okay great So the plan is to go to We missed the Sadie Hawkins dance again Cause we came up with the pool Oh right Right Fuck Well whatever The pool's cool No wait The Sadie Hawkins dance Is at the pool Oh so it's like an No it's at It's at the lighting depot Right That's fine So that So here's the thing Is like we We can haunt them a few times Before we Yeah Before we get them to finally break up I think it's good Yeah Okay so okay So the plan is to hit them At each of his date spots Okay Yeah But hit him at each of the other Hit him at Chili's At Poofs At the pool At the pool And then Finish it off At the Sadie Hawkins dance That's great In the light depot Which is a store that just sells lights And And toilets Toilets And toilets Well they don't sell toilets They just have a bunch of them It's a public washroom In a light store Gotcha But it's a public bath It's a public washroom In the way that Roman baths Were public baths Everything's just out in the open Yeah Yeah Totally Okay I love it So we're gonna do an entanglement roll To see How this Job Starts Basically Okay So the first First place you're gonna go is Uh We're gonna go to Chili's Chili's Okay Sick So you know that Seamus and Kasserine Are going to Chili's tonight Yeah Okay Because Chili's Uh Thursdays Is Chili's night And everything is 50% off Okay Jessica Let's roll it back two seconds What?

So At the restaurant Chili's Thursdays are Chili's night That's like saying At the restaurant Kills Thursdays Are Kelsey's day Yeah But it's They didn't know what else to call it Uh huh And it is It's all Chili And it's also what the kids Just refer to it as As Chili's night Oh yeah Because that's when all the food Is half off Right yeah So that's the night That they can afford to go to Chili's Totally The kids call it Yeah the kids call it Chili's night Because that's the night They let kids from the mall Into Chili's Every other night of the week They're like No mall kids Yeah You have to let the steam valve Of children wanting to go to Chili's off Once a week There's so many kids That are trying to go on dates There's gonna be so many dates Happening at this restaurant Oh man Just because they have one item That's called date apps Yeah Date appies Yeah As pigs in a blanket Yeah Yeah Sausages Uh Uh okay great So You start with one die For sheer luck I'm using one of the virgin dies That's That's risky I wish you guys Would stop calling them that Hey Do we all need one?

Uh no you do It's just one One roll So one die Are we cool with this? Yeah Yep for sheer luck Uh is this operation Particularly bold or daring?

I'd say yes Oh I guess so Because I mean I'm a wanted criminal Totally And you're dead You're gonna reveal your Hopefully just your Your spirit Also from an emotional perspective Breaking Breaking people up Is a big deal Yeah Yeah Good for you guys Not for Paul I got my parents To get divorced I got my parents To get divorced One time Twice actually And I know because they said It was because of me Uh Uh okay Plus one die For it being that Uh So you get another one Yeah Is this operation Overly complex Or contingent On many factors?

Yeah I guess Kinda yeah So take one of those away Oh no then Nope take it away Does this plan's detail Expose a vulnerability Of the target Or hit them Where they're weakest? Yeah Yeah On dates Take one Is the target Strongest against this approach Or do they have a particular Defense or special preparation? Nope Can any of your friends Or contacts Provide aid or insight For this operation?

Yeah Oh yeah Could Greg Yeah Provided the mushroom And our friend who works As a dishwasher Yeah Borbo works at Poofs Right I forgot about that Yeah So you get plus one for that Are enemies or rivals Interfering in this operation? They don't even know Clover's alive So no So let's Let's go ahead and roll it Let's do it Oh my god Two five four What's your highest one?

Five Five Mixed result You're in a risky position When this starts Yeah So walk me Let's talk about The beginning of your first haunting And where we end up When it becomes risky So We open at Chili's How is this gonna work?

They're They're seated outside There's outside seating Outside of the restaurant Not outside the mall Okay It is chilly Okay so they're They're seated outside It's two Seamus is what Thirteen, fourteen years old And then like Kessarin who's like Maybe just turned thirteen And they're being very Seamus does not look like He's happy to be there Oh Interesting He's dolled up too He's done Oh yeah Fresh new haircut Yeah he looks great New clothes But in a way that like Clover if she were watching Knows that that's not his style Cause Kessarin is changing him Oh my gosh He never brushes his hair I thought you were gonna say teeth Or teeth So plaque free Okay so where is everybody?

Yeah we gotta figure out How we're gonna do this first I thought we would try like Voices first Okay I was trying to set them Outside of the restaurant A little bit So we have them alone Yeah Yeah they're seated outside There's a couple other tables Like behind one of those Like fences Get the shit out of the table Okay so you guys Do you wanna like sneak Is there a way we can get Under their table And then Well I don't know Putting table techniques I don't know Do the cool tree kids Have access to maps And plans of tunnels And maintenance passages Yes we do Yeah we should We do indeed Yes okay cool Okay so You're in a maintenance passage Underneath the table That Kessarin and Seamus Are sitting at And we're listening To what they're saying Through the pipes Yeah Okay And so Kessarin is just Like And then So at this point As you understand Tiffany was just like Kessarin I don't think That I am ready To wear heels that high And I was like Tiffany You'll never be ready At that rate So you're either Gonna do it now Or you're never gonna do it So put them on And then she rolled her ankle And it's like come on It's not my fault You have weak ankles What the fuck This girl's awful And Seamus is just like Uh huh Yeah Uh huh Mm Yep She stopped talking Like a minute ago Yeah She eventually stops And every three seconds He just goes Oh Wow Yeah Is that right You don't say And uh Okay so are all of you Under the table Or is somebody watching From nearby I was thinking Franklin was above The restaurant Oh yeah Okay To try and do some Upper steam stuff Oh yeah Okay so you're like Above where they're sitting Yeah Okay love it Yeah Maybe there's like Awnings or something like that Yeah totally I like that There's awnings out Over the balcony I'm on top of the awning And there's a bunch of pipes Running up from the brewery And everything Oh yeah Okay cool No I think you guys Having the smoke Coming out from under the table Would be very effective Yeah So I basically just wanted to like If we had like some spooky Like mist or smoke And then like my voice Kind of carrying in it Yeah You know Okay cool We've got a piece of pipe For you to make it sound Like far away Oh yeah So maybe I'm like Hidden around the corner Of the building Great Yeah So if I peek I can see them But I've got like the pipe Just Snaked around Sort of Nice Yeah Hidden amongst the bushes Yeah Totally Two waiters have gone down Full loads I don't remember those pipes Being there And then So Fenton is underneath The table With the smoke machine Yeah totally I'm down there And it's I got into the smoke machine With the guy With the guy?

So he's He's crammed up Against the side Yeah This thing's really only big enough For me you know Yeah you're right You're gonna get second hand smoke Can't see if you can get out of here with me Okay I'll get out of here Yeah okay thank you very much Okay And you move and he goes And a huge cloud of smoke belches out of his mouth Alright so What's the plan? You need some smoke? Yeah I'm gonna need you to make some spooky ass smoke Can you make spooky smoke?

Oh I can make spooky smoke And he pulls out a little pipe that's like this one And he pulls out a little pipe that's like this one That has a skull on it Cool Don't you worry about that Okay cool We're gonna make some spooky smoke On my signal And then what's Franklin doing?

Yeah that's what I'm trying to think of Yeah I think he's gonna try and Oh he's got Cause it's chilly so everything's cold They're outside He's gonna use some He's gonna channel some of the air Cause the inside of the restaurant's air conditioned So he's gonna channel it out and make it blow on them So it's like you know Like in signs Like the shivers? The shivers Like at six cents When like Yes Things get cold before a ghost shows up Ah I love it Okay so colds first Is that the plan?

Yeah And then smoke?

Okay Yeah And then voice Beautiful Cold smoke voice Okay So what happens is uh Franklin starts like moving one of the pipes Like trying to get his little chunnel going To get the air going The air starts pouring out On top of their table And you can see them start shivering But then you hear like a click And it starts getting colder and colder and colder So now ice cold air is just holding it in And then you hear like a click And it starts getting colder and colder and colder So now ice cold air is just holding it in And then you hear like a click And then you hear like a click And then ice cold air is just hosing out of this pipe Uh what do you do?

To mitigate this Um And it cause if you don't You realize that if you don't fix this soon There you go They're gonna look up And see what the fuck is going on Uh he He starts breathing as hot as he can And mixing in with the air Trying to get lukewarm air temp Okay Uh how What action are you using to do that?

I'm gonna use my finesse Mmhmm Or skirmish To start fighting his heart out And then I'm gonna use my Finesse Mmhmm Or skirmish To start fighting his heart out And then I'm gonna use my Finesse So I'm just like As cold as I can Getting in front of the airflow And so that It'll all It'll warm up Cause I'm I'm just Working a sweat I see So you're like Manipulating the air That's coming out With your body Science Yeah No But it works for me That's funny Yeah Yeah I'm just like As light as I can So cold So fucking cold So Uh okay So it's risky It is risky It is risky highest.

You have two in prowess and then you also have finesse. Oh yeah. So you get three. Oh great. Holy shit. Wow. I got a six. Okay. You do it. So successful. Great. So yeah, you pull this off. You are working up a sweat in front of this pipe to try and mitigate the cold air. It was a little bit hard at first because you realized you were trying to work up a sweat in front of a blast of cold air, which honestly made you realize your cardio is unreal. You can have gone forever. This is insane.

And across the mezzanine, the Humberstone twins are watching Franklin just standing in front of a vent like exercise. Lame. I don't know. I think it's pretty hot actually. And the air is warmed to the point where it's not freezing cold and not as powerful as it was going to be. But Clover, you see from your vantage point in the bush nearby, you see them start shivering a little bit. Do you feel that? Shamey, I'm so cold.

And he's like, and he breaks from his reverie and goes, actually, now that you mention it, it is kind of cold. Okay. And Fenton hears and he's just like, all right, fuck, do it now, do it now. And he's like kicking the box. He's like, make it creepy, make it creepy smoke. Come on, man. So what action are you using to make sure this goes smooth? Box kicking? I guess consort. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm kind of friends with this guy. You're trying to get him to do something to help you out.

Pumping him up. Five. Five. Okay. So that is on a risky that is a mixed result. And I think it's a mixed result because Fenton starts farting too at the same time because he grabbed a giant bowl of sour cream and he's lactose intolerant because they have free sour cream at this restaurant to to cool your palate. So he had a couple of bowls. And when I say a couple, I mean six or seven. They're not small. They're not like side. They're like finger bowls. Yeah, they're family size bowls.

Just want to be clear. Six or seven family sized bowls of sour cream. Just want to make sure I understand while he was eating it. He's like, Randy, I am a creamy boy today. I'll tell you. What? He's like, hey, kid. I like your style, kid. And you are kicking Randy and you're like, dude, go now. And then you hear and you are going to go ahead and check off the less effect box because you are now fighting against some serious inner turmoil. Randy, come on, man. You got to do this faster.

I got to get out of here. So the downside is, is that everything that you do for the rest of this job is going to be a little less effective than you were hoping. I'm sweating so much. And Randy's like, okay, kid, I'm on it. And he shoves a bunch of tobacco of some kind. Scary tobacco. Spooky looking tobacco. Yeah. And he starts smoking it. And as he inhales and you see the flame lick at the tobacco you hear. Like it screams? Cool. And then he goes.

Oh, oh, and a big, huge cloud like a torrent keeps coming out of his mouth. Oh my God. It's like watching a kid vape. Exactly. And the smoke starts rising up through the grate and curling around their table and Kessar and Clover you can see is like, what's going on? Oh my God. What is going on? And Clover clears her throat and then into the pipe goes Seamus. Seamus. Seamus. Seamus. Seamus. Seamus. Seamus. Oh yeah. Spooky. All right. What action are you using? Um, I don't, I don't know.

Um, what would it? I think it could be a tune. Yeah. Oh, perfect. I think it could be sway. A tune. You have a tune? Yep. Yeah. So you get two dice. Yeah. Oh boy. Decent, decent, decent. Uh, and this is, yeah, this is risky. Like everything else. Three in one. So three. Oh no. Sucks. Shit. Um. Shit. Okay. So, oh boy. Uh, so what this is going to do is you start talking into this pipe. Mm-hmm.

Uh, and as you're like, like a bunch of the smoke from Randy beefs goes through the pipe and travels like cartoon style. You see the bulge of the smoke traveling down the pipe into your, into my mouth. Around the corner and you start hacking up a lung. And there's a bunch of fart smell in there too. Yeah. And so I'm like, ugh. And in like a cartoon, she like turns green, like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding from the bottom up. Yeah. And you start hacking like crazy. Yeah.

And people are looking around and trying to find the source of this noise in the bush. So what do you do? This is desperate. Okay. I, um, can I climb the walls? Yeah. You're going to try and climb up the side of the building. So you're closer to Franklin. Yep. Okay. What action are you using? I don't know. Prowess. Yep. Yeah. Prowess is perfect. Okay. Please. Five. Decent. Okay. So that's great. So we're going to start a clock. Oh. Caught clock. So I'm starting a clock called caught.

And because that was a desperate action, uh, this is going to get you, uh, three. Three? Holy shit. How many pieces is that? Six. Holy fuck. We're half caught. Cause you like drew a bunch of attention to yourself cause you were right next to the restaurant. And you have quite visible lavender hair. I do. Yeah. But you make it up to the awning with Franklin, uh, and you are able to get through the worst of the coughing. Are you okay? I'm fine, but God, I think Fenton farted.

I think you swallowed some of that fart. Yeah, I did. I brought up here so you could smell it. I've smelt it. I've tasted it. I've seen it. I've heard it. I've seen it. Every senses. I've touched his farts. Hey, give me that. Give me that pipe. Oh yeah. Here. Okay. You going to try again? I'm going to whisper into it. Yep. Okay. Seamus. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? And is this in the tune again? Yeah. Okay. So you're gonna have to roll it. And this is, this is risky.

I would like to add an A to, so you get an extra die. Yeah. So you take a stress. I'll take a stress. Yeah. Cause I'm helping up here. Oh my God. Holy shit. What the fuck? Can I take a stress? Uh, I think in this it is, uh, oh, devil's bargain. Oh yeah. Devil's bargain. Something negative that's going to happen regardless of how you roll, but you get another die and there's no stress. Fine. Okay. Okay. So what is the devil's bargain here? Oh, someone sees you. Someone sees me.

That's definitely what it is. Four. Shit. Well, four is a mixed success, so that's okay. The Humberstone twins. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Cause they're watching. Yeah. So the Humberstone twins know that they're, that you are alive. And they're information brokers too. So that information is up for sale now. That is a, that is a great, I'm happy with that being the consequence for everything. So yeah. So you start. Start whispering into the pipe. Um, I see you.

Seamus looks around like thinking he heard something. I know what you did. Kesserin. And Kesserin's eyes start widening. I know what you did. And she's like shivering and the smoke is like coming out a little bit underneath the table. And she's like, oh, I'm sorry. Um, uh, can we get a to go box please? I will come back for you. Fucking spooky. Yeah. Pretty good. Like it. That reminds me that I should probably have a clock for Kesserin is scared. So we'll call that one eight.

Cause it's like over a series of time. Yeah. I'll give you three. Sick. Um, great. So they pack up their food very quickly. Kesserin leaves behind a bag of food. Kesserin leaves behind a bunch of choice chicken strips. And you see like a little hook come out and over and then start ripping at the table. You think it's going for the chicken strips, but it dives straight into the sour cream. It starts dragging a bowl of sour cream off. And the hook is actually a straw. Oh, my white mistress.

You taste so good coming in, but you taste so bad going out. You got to stop eating what's leaving your body, pal. This kid's got serious health problems. He's like, kid, you gotta go to a gastroenterologist. You need to start taking care of yourself. I mean, I'm an elf. I can just smoke and it doesn't hurt me. As far as I could tell, I'm immortal. I'm immortal. I just become whatever my environment is. That's what my pappy told me, God rest his soul. He was a wizard.

Technically all of our dads were a wizard. Hey, what's this button do? Hi, my name is Dr. Dan DeClaude, DMD Esquire MSN.com. I'm representing you, hopefully in the future. Dan's divorce. Got married recently? Congratulations? Not going as awesome as you thought? Well, here at the High Spear Mall, there's a statute of limitations on how long you have to be married. Let me show them the door. Dan's divorce. The best part of waking up is divorce in your cup. Welcome, trainers. My name is Luis.

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I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. Of gameplay. If you want real opinions about how we play and how we love this game, this is the podcast for you. Check us out on your favorite podcast feed. Oh, fuck. Shit. Holy shit, that played a bunch of ads. Whoa, what am I, what? Is my voice coming over the sound system? Am I in the PA right now?

Okay, so Kessarin has been sufficiently frightened at Chili's. The camera cuts to that evening, Kessarin in her room at home brushing her hair and her eyes are wide. Should we try and break into her house? Yes. That'd be pretty funny. Yeah. Maybe we can fuck with her mom, too. Yeah, because Mrs. Ropes is in the vineyard as well. Yeah. So has the plan changed? Are you breaking into her house now? Well, let me ask you guys as players, is it cool to do this or is it low-key fucked up?

It's a little fucked up. Okay. Should we do poofs? Maybe. Let's just go to poofs then. There's a meeting that we're having while I'm sitting on a toilet. Okay. And as you are preparing the day that the poofs haunting is scheduled for, Fenton and Franklin, you are out above ground while Clover remains out of sight and you're stopped by the Hubberstone twins. Hi. Hello. Oh, hi. So we have become privy to a piece of privileged information. Yeah, privileged information. Yeah, you would.

That's what privileged people get. Information. From what we're able to understand, it turns out that a certain lavender-haired little lady is perhaps not quite… And… And… And as soon as they say lavender-haired little lady, Fenton pulls the broken cane sword out of its hilt and he's holding it to… Oh my god. He's holding it to the guy's throat and I'm like, don't you ever fucking reveal this piece of information. Wait, what was the information? Uh, that, that… Clover's still alive.

Don't even fucking say it! Uh, what are you rolling? Uh, I guess… I don't have anything in practice. I guess I give you the success. Uh, I, uh, okay. Uh, maybe I won't, but in exchange, you have to give us another piece of information. What? Piece of information. Yeah. Just, you know, if, if, if we, if you don't want us to share this, maybe there's something else that we could. Oh, Hmm. Do we have any information currency? Yeah, we do. Wine ladies. Hmm. What was that?

What'd you say about the vineyard? Huh? Oh no, we're having a private conversation. Try not to listen. Yeah. Uh, well I am being pulled down to a floor level with a blade at my throat. So we could tell him this is like, this is private. Yeah. We could tell him that Kessarin is the one that told on Clover and got her arrested. I don't think anyone knows that cause we figured that out. And maybe that would reveal Kessarin's snaky, sneaky demeanor. Okay. Let's try with that one. All right. Fine.

And I let him go. And I'm like, he stands up and he pats down his little suit. All right. So Clover's not dead. She just got arrested. But the reason why she was arrested is because Kessarin ropes informed on us to mall security. Hmm. She broke the kid gang code, which is no, no telling. I'm well aware of the code. No telling. And, and Thursday's is Chili's. Okay. Very well. We will, shall not reveal your information. Thank you. I'm sorry. I put a fucking knife to your throat.

That was fucked up bigger for me to do. No, that's actually the most I've ever liked you. You guys are confusing kids. Very well. They both turn around and swoop away in unison together. Okay. So the Hopperstone twins aren't going to say anything, but they know they're in, they know. Maybe they want to join our gang. I know. I kind of like them a lot. I know. Yeah. The most influential kid information brokers in the mall want to join your gang. Yeah, probably not.

I want to join the diarrhea kids or whatever the fuck you're called. What are those gross chocolate trolls called? Hobnobs? No, the cool tree kids. Okay. So the, the poof's haunting. I assume Borbo's on board for this one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe, uh, we can get him when he's before he delivers the food, like their alpha Getty. He can spell something. Clover. In their food. That's so smart. He leaves or something. Yeah. Borbo's like, that is fucking so cool. That'd be so scary.

One time I was eating an omelet and accidentally looked like the word boo. And I fell out of my chair. So we cut to the back room of poofs, the kitchen. It's busy. It's like a, like a, like a middle aged guy with like kind of a comb over and a flop. So it is like, uh, Borbo, it's getting pretty busy out there. Do you think that these kids could leave? If you could start doing your job? And he's like, Jared, shut the fuck up, man. There's a whiteboard maybe.

And we're all trying to write down like the, the plan of like what to write into their food. Borbo, that was the specials board. That was all the board that had the specials on it for this evening. We've talked about this and he's like, Jared, I swear to God, I got, I got 15 minutes left on my break and I can do whatever I want with it. Okay. And Jared, uh, Hoxton turns around and he's like, okay, so what's the plan? I'll forget it. Okay. And we're going to spell, what are we going to spell out?

Yeah. What's our secret message? Oh, is it like you killed me? Kessler in, he's got a cup full of sour cream. We don't even get this. We don't even have sour cream here. I brought it from the other place. It's weird, man. You go through like, weekly cycles of just eating one thing. And I think you're really going to find that that is not healthy for you in the long run, especially when it's just a goo. Tishy, my friend. Uh, okay.

Yeah, I can probably, uh, and he goes and he tries to find a bowl of, Oh, what's it called? Um, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Oh, he's going to order it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So yeah, Borbo, as a server, is going to go out and try and really push the Rungweenie. Rungweenie. Okay, so I haven't been out on the floor as a server in a while, but I am ready to impress.

And he's wearing his, like, poofs, like, dishwasher's uniform, and he rips the sleeves off. Awesome. Yeah. And he grabs his rollerblades on. And he slaps on a name tag that says Jared, and he puts an apron around his waist. He's like, all right, I'll be right back. Now, I think this is going to be a luck roll. I think someone's going to roll one die, and we're going to see how well Borbo pulls this off. Not me. I have bad rolls. Okay, I'll do it. What was the message? What did we come up with?

The message is, oh, yeah, Kessarin betrayed me. Mm-hmm. I don't know. Or, um. Don't trust Kessarin? Yeah, don't trust Kessarin. Oh, yeah. Because we're trying to drive a wedge. Love Clover. Yeah. From beyond the grave. Yeah, I squeeze that on, from beyond the grave. Yeah. Clover. Uh-huh. There's so many words in there. So the luck is that if Borbo can, like, roller skate, rollerblade this passively, delicately spelled out in cursive. Okay, yeah, that's cool.

And there's also, like, when it says love Clover. That's on a corn dog, and it's written in mustard because we didn't have enough room on the board. I like that. So fortune rolls, it can be, you basically gather a pool based on certain things. So we've got one. Okay. Do we think that there's a pool because Borbo is involved? Yeah. Like, there's another dive? Definitely. Here we go.

Do we think there's maybe another one because you've already succeeded in kind of scaring them with, like, a pseudo haunting? There's a pre, there's a pre. Yeah. They're already looking out for supernatural. They're having some spooky times. Do we think that there's, we maybe take one away? A, because you made the message so complicated. Nah. Oh my God. Okay, we take one away. Okay, two. Yeah, you get two. You get two. Okay. But do we add one because we're friends?

And friendship triumphs over all. No, go ahead and roll. Okay. So you're rolling 2D6 on a fortune roll. Okay. Everybody, I want you guys to look at the sixes on this and visualize them both coming up. Underlined. Underlined sixes. Six. Think about these. Two sixes. I got it. Okay. The intention is there. Here we go. Six. Oh, I lost. Hey, six. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. Hell yeah. Fuck yeah. Nice job, everybody. Yeah. That's friendship. Yeah. Okay.

So you guys watch through like the little Ratatouille window in the door as Borbo skates out with the Runguini that Seamus definitely ordered. And it's like, he's jumping and twirling. Oh yeah. People falling around. He's just like. He's skating through the eye of the storm. Yeah. Blading between the raindrops and he drops it off and he doesn't even stop. He just drops it on the table perfectly and keeps going. So they don't even know it was Borbo. Yeah.

Everybody knows Borbo kind of hangs with us. That's a good point. He does have that other name tag on. Yeah. It says, he's like, no man, I'm Jared. He skates on by. And you get to tip your Jared. And you watch as Kessarin and Seamus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They start eating and Seamus looks down at his bowl of Runguini and his eyes are wide. And then Fenton's like, I forget what we said on there. There was a lot of words. Yeah. What was it? What did it start with?

Oh, it was something like, like Kessarin did this or like, I don't know. You guys don't remember? You are, this isn't you. Jessica's trying to remember. I actually don't remember. Kessarin did this. Do you remember? No, not really. And that's even funnier, honestly. If you guys tried to write something. You can't even recall what it was. Oh my God. What was it? We put so many words out there. We can't remember. The corndog said love clover. That's enough. That's true.

I know before it said from beyond the grave. Yeah. Love clover. But what was it before? I think it was. Oh, it was don't trust Kessarin. Don't trust Kessarin. Yeah. That's Borbo says that. Yeah, it was don't trust Kessarin. You guys did this 30 seconds ago. I'm sorry. Yeah. We don't remember. That's a lot of seconds. Yeah. I haven't had my fifth cup of Sour. Cream today. And you're not going to. And he takes the Sour. Cream away. Whoop.

And you're watching as Kessarin's like, from a distance, you can feel like she's saying, hey, Shamus, what's wrong? What did you order? And he picks up the corndog and he licks it right away. But he's like terrified. Just looking around and he looks at her seemingly suspiciously. Or maybe he looks back at the kitchen and we put like a bit more smoke coming out from underneath the kitchen door. Good idea. And I'm flicking the lights on and off. In the kitchen? In the kitchen.

Jared's like, what the fuck? And there's smoke and like limited visibility. And I'm like, yes. Thankfully, it's not too much. You didn't overdo it. The lights come back up, but there's a chef with half a finger. This guy's on fire. Like, chaos. I mean, you can roll for that if you want that to. How bad is this going to be? No, we got to roll for it. Because this is trying to catch us. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. This is so funny. That's really good.

Let's just do one fortune die and see what happens. Okay. So what are we trying to get? A low number or a high number? High number. Okay. Yeah. Fuck. Three. Okay. No. All right. So Jared comes into the kitchen and is like, out, out, out right now. Out. Borbo, you're fired. Out. No. Borbo. No, don't fire Borbo. It was us. Borbo had no idea. He knows that. He's still fired. Jared looks at you and he's like, okay, kids, are you willing? Are you willing to take the fall for your friend Borbo here?

What does that mean? Are you willing to be banned for life from poofs? For life? Even on Thursdays? Especially on Thursdays. I'll do it. I'll take one for the whole team. I'll take it for the whole team. No, I'll take it for the whole team. Oh, so we're all going to take it. I don't want to be banned, so you guys can take it for the whole team. They've got the thing. We're like, what the fuck? They've got it covered, right? You're supposed to fight for us.

Guys, I cannot sacrifice my Saturday morning eggbra-cad-egbras, okay? I cannot sacrifice it. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. I'm barely sane. They're there. They're there. Jared, you're going to regret this. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we will see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we will see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see.

You know what I mean, moonwalking out of the restaurant. You won't see us coming. Yeah. Oh, we'll see. No, you won't see. You might not. If we gouge your eye, we should go. And Borbo starts roller skating backwards out the door out of poofs, and he's like, Jared, I'll see you after work. Me with the flagpole. Oh, no. But yeah, it looks like Seamus was pretty scared. Is Borbo fired or not? I'm trying to figure this out. No, Borbo is not fired. Okay. Okay.

Jared says, okay, that's the deal that we made. And after work, technically, fair game. Okay. And then can I do one more thing before we go? Yes, please. Can I use my mesmerist move to, as we're leaving, like walk by the table and then put one of the strands of Clover's hair in Seamus's linguine or somewhere? Put it somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you could do that. I thought you were going to say, could I use my mesmerist ability to make Jared forget that we were here?

That would have been a better idea, but I didn't do that. That's fine. Use the secondary. Yeah, whatever. And you guys can just pull a job in the future to get yourselves unbanned from poofs. What if you put it in her hair? So like later on, he's like touches her and then he pulls away one of her hair. Totally. Or even if she finds the hair in her hair, that would be just as scary. I do it. I put, I, I, as we're leaving, you see me like cut a huge, way too big clump of Clover's hair. Holy moly.

And then I'm like, shut up, shut up. It took too much. What is it? Nothing. I didn't do anything. It's like a barn door. Shut the fuck up. Franklin. Jesus. And then I really put you in her hair. And then I just throw, I kind of just throw a handful of hair at Kessarine as we're leaving. So you got to roll for that. Mesmerist isn't a thing that you just get to do. Oh, fuck. So what action are you using for this? Well, that was predicated on the fact that I thought I couldn't fail this.

When you sway. Okay. Is that a sway? Yeah. Is a little different. It's a little different than like tricking. Like you would basically have to go up to Seamus and Kessarine and be like, Clover's still alive. Throw it in their faces. Okay. Then maybe the sway is that I, as I'm leaving, I'm like, whoa, no way. Seamus, Kessarine. Crazy that we're all here right now. What are you guys doing here? Cause I had to use the bathroom, which is why I came. I'm just basically like barging in on their day.

Yeah, totally. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. That we're busy. Classic us. This is classic us. And I touch her on the shoulder to be like, you're the weirdo. Anyway, I'll see you guys later. And then I pick up a cup of sour cream off their table and I walk away.

Roll a handful of hair out of her head. Oh, shit. Three. Can I take a devil's bargain to take another day? Yeah, totally. What is your devil's bargain? You are now also banned from poofs. Yeah, I'm also banned from poofs. You came back in. Yep. Five. Okay, five. All right. That's great. Yeah, so you, and then you what, leave hair? Yep. In, like, on her. Oh, because you put it on, you put your hand on her shoulder. Nice.

Yeah, so you put that on your shoulder and you're making a huge fuss of being friends and Jared is like, get out. Out. Enough. Leave. Fine. He starts pushing you with a broom. He's like, go on, get. Okay. And he sweeps me out. Yeah. But they've been sufficiently frightened. Cool. Yeah. Like, we cut back that evening, back to Kessarin's room. Yeah.

As she's getting ready for bed, she's got a wash basin in front of a mirror and she's washing her face, doing her extremely elaborate 13-year-old girl skincare routine. But it's all the, like, because she's only 13, it's like a bunch of weird stuff that's, like, not necessarily the right stuff, but her friends think it's all the right stuff, but they all do the same thing. It's stuff like, you know, like Lip Smackers, Chapstick and stuff. Yeah, totally.

If you put Preparation H right here, it's supposed to get rid of wrinkles. It just prevents wrinkles. Because I'm 13 and she is, like, brushing her hair again. With a cucumber. With a cucumber because that's how you're supposed to do it. And she pulls the cucumber down and she looks at it, her eyes agape, shivering, terrified as hanging off of the cucumber, is a single lavender hair. And that's where we're going to end it for this episode of Spoutmore Mall Brats.

I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me, as always, playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdul Aziz. So long, everybody. Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Take care. And playing Clover Ivy Fern, the whisper, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you, as always, to Samuel Quinn-Warris for our incredible intro and outro music. Amazing every time. And thank you to our sponsors, and thank you to our supporters, all of you, because without you, this show would not happen.

Thank you so much, and we'll catch you next time. And so ends the tale of the cool treat kids always up to no good so tiny and greedy and angsty they be as they navigate crime and puberty and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to the chocolate store as the cool treat kids plan their next score and for you I'll gladly spout more

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound Their wares are famously tasty So here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets She has a kind of addiction Benton's the slob, he seeks the sake And he writes vampire fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his stance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends And listen close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to Spoutmore Mall Brats I'm your game master Sean O'Hara Joining me as always playing Fenton Beasley the slide, Abdul Aziz Hello everybody Playing Franklin Stein the cutter, Paul Oppers Hi there And playing Clover Ivy Fern the whisper, Jessica Tai Hello When last we left our heroes They were engaged in their downtime activities Recovering from the shocking events Of the dance and revelation of Clover's survival At the lighting section of a Home Depot, basically A variety of events took place The hot meat boys and the cool treat kids Agreed to an uneasy alliance In their quest to take down The gentrification operations of the vineyard Oh yeah Yeah Did we come up with a cool combined name?

It's, so you get three guys From, you get three crew members in your cohort Because it's a tier zero cohort It's not a ton And they're the cold cut trio That's pretty good And their names are What? Ham, baloney, and what's the other one?

Salami Falado Falado That's great So you've got, yeah, you've got your cohort The cold cut trio That they'll do whatever you need to do I think they have some like drawbacks or something like that But I'll figure that out Oh, that's fun Like they have things that impede us? Yeah, basically like impede themselves Like some cohorts are They're dumb I mean, basically Let me One kid can't poop Unless he's at home Yeah What are their names?

Mufalado Mufalado Hambone Ham Hambone I like Hambone Hambone Mufalado And Tony Baloney Tony Baloney Tony Baloney These are names that we've given them, by the way Yeah Actually, my name's Craig Yeah You went to the Humberstone Twins to get some information Yeah About what the food court is up to Yes And their answer was a ton of stuff But they're also working against each other So no one really knows exactly what's going on Yeah Just that there's a lot of tension and infighting And I think there's like also a rat, apparently, in the food court Right That is reporting to Tina Durger Who's trying to position herself to take over the food court Yes A mall rat Oh no Not again We gotta find this thing out Yeah, so someone in the food court is working with Tina Durger Probably in an attempt to maintain their own position once Tina moves on the food court Yeah Tina is also working with the Vickery Yes I believe that the Vickery is the one that uses the đâu I believe that the Vickery uses the đâu I believe that the Vickery uses the đâu I believe that the Vickery uses the đâu I believe that the Vickery uses the đâu I believe that the Vickery uses the đâu I believe that the Vickery uses the đâu I believe that the Vickery uses the đâu I believe that the Vickery uses the đâu I believe that the Vickery uses the đâu I believe that the Vickery uses the đâu Dark chocolate.

Yeah. Dirty how I want, you're asking. Extra bitter cocoa powder. So we just make dark chocolate? We just make a better version of that chocolate. But the whole time the cool treat kids are in their candy lab going like. Yeah, we're like, who would eat this? Who would eat this garbage? Kids and dark chocolate. There's barely any sugar in it. It's so gross. We accidentally make the world's best wine as well. This grape juice has gone bad. Years ago.

Franklin began his work of uniting various kid gangs to the cause of the cool treat kids. Kind of under the general message of the cool treat kids being, if they're coming for us, it's only a matter of time before they come for you. Totally. And the last thing that we did was Clover went to Millie. Her mall security friend slash former contact. Scrunchie sister. Scrunchie sisters. A bond unbreakable. Yeah. Who told her that Tina has recently purchased a club underneath the Nogwizers.

A speakeasy of sorts. Film noir themed speakeasy. Yeah. Film noir themed restaurant that she calls a speakeasy. Oh, it's called the Nog Hole. Yeah. The Nog Hole beneath Nogwizers. And Millie suggested that if you wanted to know more about Tina's operations, that if you were to break into the speakeasy, there might be some ledgers or information that you could gather to help you in your fight against Tina. And did you dye your hair with a streak of black? I did, yes. You cut a chunk out too?

I cut a chunk out. I think because I got some bubble gum in there or something like that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Right. So you kind of have like a really intense, like, goth kid vibe right now. Like side cut, kind of undercut thing? No, not undercut. It's like a chunky kind of bang that I've dyed black. And then my natural, regular purple hair. That's so funny. A straightened, chopped black part to a wavy lavender. Yeah, because it was curling awkwardly.

So like, I was like, I guess I just have to strain it. It's really emo. Yeah, it's super emo. And then we got into Master Guild, Gilbert. Yes, that is the, that is the image that we left ourselves on was Master Gilbert, the three person trench coat disguise. We're more powerful than we've ever been, my friends. We're like a centipede, but human. So the first thing that we need to figure out is what kind of plan, what kind of score this is going to be.

Choices as always are assault, deception, stealth, occult, social, and transport. Social is one of them I'm looking at. Yeah. Because we're going in here to the, to find information, but we could also somehow try to convince them that we're a major investor in town looking to get into real estate. So that's, so that's more in the deception. Yeah. Yeah. If you guys are going in, in disguise to like trick people, then that will be a deception kind of plan. That makes sense to me.

How many are you allowed to choose? It's just like, you only choose one cause it's basically like you need what the detail is, the method of deception. But we figured out what that is already. It's a Master Gilbert. Yeah. So I guess, so we're going for deception. Then I love that. Cause for a while, it wasn't you like with Mr. Gilbert, you're like, just so you know, you can do this all you want, but this never works. Basically. Now we're like, just shoehorn it in as a possibility.

It's weird because like, it always kind of works a little bit. Like someone's always like, all right, sure. You're an adult. Yeah. I think it's, I think it's Fenton's like mesmerism. Right. Just like, sure. He's a real guy. And that we're in a fantasy world. Yeah, totally. So it's like, there are weird people around. Yeah. He's mid metamorphosis. Yeah. Just a weirdo. Yeah. Some kind of weird. I don't know. You know, I've asked what's under trench coats before. I didn't like the answer I got.

So I'm not going to ask that again. Just some kind of weird freak. Yeah. All right. Then we're thinking, then we're doing the engagement role. Okay. Okay. So we start with one die for sheer luck. And D six. Yeah. Is this operation? Wait, hold on. I know. Just getting our role practice. Yeah. Is this operation particularly bold or daring or overly complex or contingent on many factors? Yeah. Yeah. Overly complex. I think you just said yes to all of those. It's literally everything. Okay.

It's three kids who are uneducated and objectively like sort of like emotionally unstable, kind of trying to foil a real estate developer. Uh huh. Historically the most powerful of all entities. Yeah. Totally. Not knowing what even a condominium is. Yeah. Yeah. Good point. Okay. So we're going to take one away. Which leaves you at zero. Currently. Currently. Okay. Okay.

Uh, does the plans detail expose a vulnerability of the target or hit them where they're weakest or are they strongest against this approach or have a particular defense or special preparation? They're, they're weak against vanity. So if we come in like really praising and talking money, like we could triple your investment. Yeah. And also we know that, uh, the whole thing kind of hinges on Tina having enough capital from the dark chocolate to do this deal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like over leverage herself by making deals with a lot of different people. She got in the future game that her butt can't cash me. Yeah. So, uh, yeah. So you get another, you get one dive for that. So you're back at one. Can any of your friends or contacts provide aid or insight or are your enemies or rivals interfering in the operation? I have friends helping. Oh yeah. Yeah. I've got Millie. Millie. Yep.

Doris is always a good, the hot meat boys, the Hubberstone twins, the Hubberstone twins or not. I cannot stress enough. They are, they, They might be neutral, but they helped. So they'll help us and her. Yeah, exactly. They'll help whoever's coming to pay them. Yeah. Like, is anybody coming with you? I, we just are going on our own. Yeah. Yeah. So your friends are not helping you, in fact. Yeah. Although I guess Millie helped you like get in and stuff like that. Yeah, she knows where I was.

Okay, fine. Take a plus one. Yes. Because you know how to get in, which is, that's half the thing in a speakeasy, right? Is knowing where to go. Yeah. Yeah. That's funny. Part of it. Yeah. At like a speakeasy themed restaurant, there's like, speakeasy this way. It was like, lit up sides everywhere. Are there any other elements you want to consider? Maybe a lower tier target will give you a plus one. They're definitely a higher tier. Oh, yeah. So you're going to lose another one.

So you're at what, one right now? Mm-hmm. Okay. Is there anything else we can take into account? Do you want to bring the cold cut trio with you? No, I don't trust them at all. This is too big a job. Yeah. Only pros can do it. Okay. Unfortunately, they heard us say all that. Yeah. So they're like, all right, we see how it is, boss. If this is going to be, I don't even, I don't even care what you think about me. He's got a rolled up piece of bologna in his mouth, like a cigar. Ew.

There's cheese inside of it. Yeah. He's just kind of slowly eating it. Yeah. All right. And then you tell us, you call us when you need us. All right. Thank you. Okay. So we're sitting currently at one die. Is there any other ways that you can think that you could gather some more dice for this? I don't think so. Um. Yeah. Cause you're going in alone. You've said that for sure. Yeah. Bologna's not coming. The cold cut trio's not coming. Yeah. Then you got one dice. One die.

Let's, let's roll that die. So choose that die wisely. Is it just one between all of us? Yeah. It's just one person rolls one die. Trust. Trust me. We trust you. We trust you with your unicorn die. In your eighties onesie. Fuck. It's a two. A two. Wow. My eighties onesie failed us. You didn't do enough cocaine before you rolled. Nobody saw that coming. That was a one. Oh my. Could have been worse. He's done too much cocaine now. Okay. So a two is a bad result.

You're in a desperate position when the action starts. This makes sense. We're in Master Gilbert form. And you're a hundred percent committed to going in as Master Gilbert. Oh yeah. Okay. And all of us are smoking. Okay. There's a lot of smoke coming out of this thing. I'm in the middle. Yeah. So it's just coming out the gut. Yeah. You guys all have those, uh, those stage cigarettes where you blow into them and baby powder comes out. Yeah. Totally. Uh, it's, it's, uh, evening.

You're going into nighttime. The noir aesthetic has maintained. Yeah. It's dark in this part of the mall right now. The lights are off. There's lampposts burning. There's like a fog rolling on the ground. Cause, uh, somebody's, uh, The air conditioning's fucked up. The air conditioning's fucked on this part of the mall right now. And the sign for Nogweiser's neon sign flashing, flickering a little bit. There's a couple sad, lonely souls at the bar.

And there's a guy in a button down shirt with the garters on the sleeves. So what can I do for you, Mr. Gilbert? Gilbert. My stomach says. I'm fucking starving. And then, uh, yeah. Uh, Benton like puts his hand where Clover's face is in the middle of the, it was like, sorry. Yeah. Uh, I had some bad spaghetti earlier and it is repeating on me. Oh, are you, uh, you said a spaghetti there. Is that a regional accent or did you just misspeak? Uh, no, it's a regional accent. I'm from.

Don't just say Italy. Come up with something else. I'm from Burt grass. Oh, I've never been. Yeah. It's a, it's coastal city. It's really nice. You know, sometimes I think about getting out of this place and going to the coast, but too many strings tying me down to this mall. It's hard to get out of the mall. It's hard. Everything. Every time you think you're dragging yourself out of here, that high spear just stabs right through you. I hear that. So anyways, what can I get for you?

Master Gilbert? Um, give me something that'll make me forget my troubles. Ah, give me something for a new beginning friend. Ah, I've got Franklin yells and a stool. We've been standing there for a little while. He's been doing squats for weeks. But it's a lot. Uh, and he goes, he grabs a bottle off the top shelf top shelf. Yeah. Pours a dark brown liquid of some kind into a shot glass and slides down the bar to you. He doesn't catch it. He's like, Oh my gosh.

Cause it, Benton's arms are too short. So he's got two mannequin arms. He's got a plastic. He's holding two plastic mannequins. Shatters against his mannequin arms. Yeah. And then he goes, another, my friend. He pours another one and he puts it in front of you. Thank you. Hey, this on the house for a fellow lost soul. And I say, if you ever get out to vert grass way, try and get yourself on a catamaran. Oh yeah. A lot of men take to the ocean to try and find themselves. Oh yeah.

And then he dips the mannequin hand in the glass and then licks it. It's extremely strong liquor. And then he's like, yummy. I love it. So much. Man of taste I see. Yeah. So much taste. You know what? I'll drink with you. He's crying. Yeah. I'll drink with you. And he pours a shot glass for himself. And this is your desperate action. Oh no. Fenton's gotta get drunk.

You're gonna have to roll some sort of physical thing to either trick him into thinking that you drank it, but not drinking it or drinking it and taking the hit. I want to kind of like trick him into turning around and say, oh, look, it's Tina Derger's over there. She looks like she's mad at you for drinking on the job. All right. So that's going to be a consort. Yeah. And it's going to be a desperate. Yeah. Okay. A five and a four. Five and a four.

So he turns around as he's taking his drink and like turns to go look at the door. And when he turns, what do you do? I just knock the glass over and then I slam the sleeve of the trench coat down on it to dry up the thing. Great. Damn. Wow. And that is the consequence that you're going to be dealing with is you now reek of liquor already. Franklin and Clover, you are smelling very, very strong whiskey inside. What is, is he drinking? Is that alcohol? I think it might be alcohol.

Smells like a fire. And he turns back and goes, oh, no, I don't think so. Oh, I don't think so. No, I don't think that was her. Say, how do you know the name Tina Durger? And Fenton leans in and he's like, Tina Durger is actually my business in town. That's why I came to this mall. I heard she's lining up a business deal. And I think I have a proposal that might be of interest to her. Interesting. I ran a mining operation at Vertgrass Way. We mined some pretty valuable materials.

I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. I just wanted to get some real material out of a pretty dense jungle. And I heard she might need similar skills for a project she was working on. He puts up his hands and goes, well, I don't know nothing about that, Chief. I just work the bar. But you know, if you know where to look. And then Fenton's like, well, she's trying to get dark chocolate out of the…

I said, if you know where to look, maybe she's a bit closer than you think. Yeah, but you seem unaware of the situation. Maybe she's just wearing something. And she's a bit closer. And I'm like elbowing Fenton like I start turning. Franklin starts walking. Fenton's turning his head to keep talking as his body's leaving. Wait, I have to tell this guy what the situation is! And you turn around and start walking towards where you've been told the speakeasy is.

And like we were discussing, it is a speakeasy themed club. So there is a sign that says speakeasy with an arrow pointing down the hallway. And you find the blank wall with the painting on it. And it's a painting of… A bouncer. A bouncer. So it's a big burly dude with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. But he's wearing a fedora to keep it very on theme. Yeah, exactly.

And Franklin walks up and he knocks three times, waits, and then knocks three times, and then knocks once, and then holds on for a second, and then traces his finger around it, and then barks like a dog and goes, hey! And the bouncer poster slides to the side, revealing an identical bouncer behind him. Oh, okay. There's a… You did the knock, but there's also a password. The password is I got money for Tina Derger. Please. He steps to the side and points you down the stairs.

His eyes widen a little. Yeah. And then we walk through, but because of the three kids' stack, I hit my head on the door. You have to reach your mannequin arms up to keep your fedora in place. I tell you, sir, it's a curse being this tall sometimes. Tell me about it. Look at how wide I am. That's a curse for me, too. And you walk down the tight staircase of the nog hole. Like this. He's limboing backwards. Yeah. Clover's abs are just tight. I have… Every…

The app is working full time right now. Over time, around the clock. You've never wished more that you were a teenager, so you would have developed a little bit more muscle. Weeks away from my teen birthday. If only we'd had more time. And as you're walking down, you hear saxophone and trumpets and like a… Is it jazz? Oh, yeah, it's jazz. It's jazz. And you hear… Like a… It never seen a man like you.

And I'm singing on the stage in a mic and my dress is real tight and it's also a color that reminds you of being in love. And you come down and there is a… Young and tall and… The girl from Panuja. And then she walks. And she walks. That's pretty good. That's excellent. That's so good. And who's the singer? What are we looking at when we come down? There's a band and a singer. Allison. I was gonna… Abdul got so excited he punched his mic stand over. That sounded so cool. I'm sorry.

That's a bonus. I was way too excited about that. Literally just… It would be so cool if it was Allison, though. Okay, it's Allison. We know she's in the mall. You saw her at the Nogwiser's before. Yeah, a few weeks ago. So you see a woman on stage. She seems to be in her early 20s. Olive skin, long dark hair, like in that real film noir singer one big wave that comes down her shoulder and curls in front of her chest. Slinky red dress, long gloves.

She's dressed exactly like Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Whoa. Oh my god. Abdul. Uh, there's like a tall half-elf playing a stand-up bass. Oh, cool. There's, um… Like on a bowstring. Yeah, he's got a bow. That's so cool. He looks like maybe he was a retired ranger. That… Wait. Not shipping. Okay. Just another guy, maybe. It seems like this is a time when a lot of rangers maybe quit. Yeah, in the wind after the exodus. We got a dwarf playing a trumpet. Mm-hmm.

And we got an elf in… Or a hobnoblin in the middle of the night. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. A little… A little shirt and a little hat playing just a snare drum. Oh, cool. Yeah. And you think, is that the fucking… Hobnoblin from our house? Is that the hobnoblin from our house? And you come down the stairs and he sees you and he winks and he tips his hat. He keeps playing the drums. It's like Duke Ellington from, uh… Oh, Duke Silver?

Duke Silver from, uh, Parks and Rec. Parks and Rec. When Ron secretly is a saxophone prodigy. He, like, he pulls his fedora down and then turns away from us. Yeah. And yeah, so Allison, she does… She's like, you know, it's a very, uh…

She, like, winks at a guy in the front and he, like, puts his hand on his chest and she reaches down and, like, puts her hand, like, under this young lady's chin and, like, caresses under her chin and she, like, almost falls out of her chair as she's following the caress. Uh, we know she's a succubus, so we would know she is playing this room like a fucking fiddle. Mm-hmm. Wow. And actually, this would probably be a really great way for a succubus to feed. Yeah, totally.

Because she's just, like, on an audience. All desire, is being, like, directed at her. That's interesting. I imagine it's like a buffet, though. Yeah. Where it's like, sometimes you don't want a buffet. Yeah, totally. I mean, other people. I always just want to go to a buffet. Um, but yeah, you're in the club. There's music. There are, uh, waiters and waitresses, uh, going table to table, serving out food and drink. A whole crazy, like, densely packed crowd in here.

There's a guy at the door that hands you a fedora if you don't have one. Yeah. They stop people, like, hey, man, there's a dress code. They put a fedora on you in a blazer. So what are you doing? Hey, Fenton, he looks down into his, no one's looking at us from now, right? It's a pretty busy place. Okay. He looks down into his trench coat and he's like, what the fuck do we do now? We look for somebody we recognize. We're here to commiserate and find out the ledger.

Maybe, it's probably by the back, right? That's where they keep all the information. Oh, are we here to steal a ledger? Yeah, we're here to get their numbers. Okay. I thought we were here to just talk to Tina Durger. It's good that you guys reminded me of that. Fenton's a little drunk. I am a little bit drunk with my friends from licking some alcohol off a mannequin's hand. Hey man, if you know a better way to get drunk, I would love to hear it.

Yeah, so when you say somebody that you're familiar with, somebody that you recognize, what do you mean? Clover's peeking out of like the belly button sort of zone with the coat. Yeah, you're gonna have to roll for that. Tell me what you would use. I have two in sight. Mm-hmm. So like, I would survey the area. Yeah. Yep. And you use your insight to just be like, all right, who feels like they're… Yeah. I got a six and a one. Okay, so you spot…

Maybe somebody with a clear green visor with one of these things. Just sitting outside in the actual club. Yeah. Yeah, you see an actual accountant with the bright green clear visor and some sort of current camera calculator sitting at a table kind of back in the corner next to the bar in a booth that looks like employees sit there a lot and they're just tapping away. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Ka-ching. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Ka-ching. Stacks of Spearbox everywhere.

No, no, no, no money out here. Oh. Yeah, you'd be out of your mind. It's the sound of money. Let's go that way. Yeah. Okay, two walk over. All right, yeah, you wander over. It's a short, portly, uh, man in his 50s with little pince-nez glasses. And as we're walking over, I'm like, okay, so you guys want me to talk to this guy to, like, get him a drink and then get him drunk and then, what, we steal, like, his ledger or whatever? I don't know. Let's just get over there and see what we can see.

Okay. He's like, you can hear him muttering to himself. He's like, hi, yeah, hi. Oh, he's just carrying the one math sounds. Oh, cheers. One, two, three, four, plus, minus, equal sign. None of this is adding up. None of this is adding up at all. Should I talk to him? Here we go. Well, okay, one, what are you rolling? Two, what are you doing? I'm gonna invite him to have a drink with me. Uh-huh.

Yeah, because I can see, I, like, I touch him on the shoulder with one of the mannequin hands and I'm like, excuse me, sir. Yes, what, what, what? And I say, I've traveled a really long way tonight and my head is filled with memories of my father. Okay. Okay. And I was like, my father, he was an account manager, much like you. It would mean a lot to me if you sit down and have a drink with me and tell me your story. All right. Risky? Great. Okay. So, yeah, what are you rolling?

Uh, I guess, I think I'm lying, so it's a good swing. It's sway, yeah. Okay, so two dice. Two threes, shit. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh, you could push yourself. You could take a devil's bargain. Yeah, we'll take a devil's bargain. Oh, wow. Okay, so that means you roll again, but something bad will happen regardless. Roll both dice again? Nope, just one. Just one. Okay. And the bad thing that happens is Tina Duggar comes in and notices me. Does she, like, recognize us?

Well, I mean, it's a little boy's head sticking out of a trench coat. No, Mr. Gilbert is pretty convincing. Okay. We've always said, but she notices that a guy is talking to her, like, her accounting guy. Fenton has a really convincing, a real beard that he bought off a dwarf. Yeah. And we brought a fedora on, too. I know, yeah. It does not look like me at all. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Five. Five. Okay. So, with consequence.

So, yeah, you sit down and he goes, um, yes, all right, please, take a seat. I could use a break. And he takes his pince-nez glasses off, rubs the bridge of his nose, slides his big calculator aside. What are you drinking? Um, I have some tapioca balls in a cup. Ah. My favorite. Uh. Ah. Uh, vertgrassian, I see. Yeah. Louise, too, this way, please.

And a few moments later an orc bartender comes over and puts two cups full of tapioca balls on the table and he takes a sip and goes like, mmm, delicious. Yes. So, tell me about your father. I start telling him a long tale and I think in Fenton's mind he's like, if I engross this guy then Franklin and Clover can sneak out from the trench coat and… So you'll just be standing on the stool? Yeah. Okay. Okay, so you're sitting in a booth. That's one thing. Yeah.

So you slide into the booth with this guy. Aren't those your pants? Running away. So, yeah, the bottom half is like totally concealed so I can just stand in the booth while they kind of like get out of there. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And I tell him, I start a long story. Okay. And I go, my father was a, he was an oil man. And cut to… Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

So, yeah, you see, okay, so Franklin and Clover, you're trying to sneak out. Yeah. Yeah, there's a door at the back that's two more pictures, paintings of bouncers that now we know that I have bouncers behind them. I want to know who's coming and going, what's going on. I want to go try and get a peek back in that room. Okay, so what are you rolling to do this? Finesse to try and sneak around the crowd. Yeah. Okay. Is that more of a prowl? Prowl is definitely, that's the sneaking. Okay.

So, yeah, this is going to be risky for sure, but if you can get back there, then you'll be able to move around a little more. And I'm still dressed like pants, so I'm sneaking around under tables and just like blending with other pants. Okay. Ha ha ha. You're a genius. Ha ha ha. Blending in with other pants. Yeah, so out of the corner of somebody's eye, they're like, what the? Oh, that's just some guy's legs. And then all of a sudden, he has like a beetle's legs. Okay, cool.

So, yeah, roll them. Hmm, a three and a one. Three and a one. That is a failure. Yeah. Unless you want to push yourself or… Yeah, I want to push myself. Okay. I'll take some stress. You can't aid someone, right? Yeah. You can aid. Oh, I could aid him? We do aid. Oh, yeah. Can I help him? Yeah, yeah, yeah, hold on. Do you go with him? Yeah, I think I'm good. I get, we're maybe, that's, I was thinking that maybe we could be in either leg of the pants. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, yeah.

I also thought I could like get on your shoulders. Oh, yeah. Actually, I'm already on your shoulders. Yeah, you are. Now you're just a girl with huge legs. You're just a girl. I can pretend to be a waiter. That's fine. Oh, yeah, and you are disguised because you've dyed your hair kind of black. Yeah. Yeah, so you grab a tray full of drinks. Frankly, would it make sense if I pretend to be a waiter? Yeah. You know, blend in with these other sexy ladies? Yeah, just one of the sexy waiters.

Yeah, with long pants. Yeah, totally. Cool. So, yeah, you may assist the team. You may assist the team by taking one stress to give the player one die. I'll do that. Yeah. Okay. So, I grab an empty plate off like a table. Just a plate. Yeah, just a plate. It's got, it's still got some remains of like shrimp scampi on it. So I'm carrying it like a waiter. Yeah. This guy turns around and dips his shrimp on the table like, what the fuck? Where'd my shrimp cells go?

All right, so you take one stress and you get another die. So, I get one more die? Yeah. Sweet. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Stop being sick. Three. Fuck. Fuck. Can I take another stress? I mean, I can't see why not because the only downside is that you're going to have more stress, right? You're closer to taking more drama. Yeah, you pick up another plate. I pick up another plate. Okay. Just keep stacking them on. Yeah. Yeah. So, I'm bouncing two.

Anybody listening, maybe this is against the rules, but I think the cost is worth the one. What the fuck is happening? You dropped the plates. I did. My pants, my pants fall down. Revealing a young man. I dropped the plates because the pants are falling down, so I have to pull them back up. Yeah. So, you can still resist the consequence if you choose. Since this was risky, it would cost you two stress to resist the consequence of this roll. Me? Yeah, I'll do it. Okay.

So, your cover won't be blown. You can still pretend to be a waiter. Yeah. I can still pretend to be pants. Yeah, I imagine it's like you feel the pants start to fall, so you start to let go of the plates just as Franklin like, goes like this. So, all of a sudden, you have really wide hips. He puts his elbows out. Whoa, silly me. And then he kind of does like a rumba dance thing like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And then Clover's doing a little like hip movement like, dancing to the music.

Yeah. You can see that Allison's getting kind of pissed because you're drawing attention to her. She feels it. She feels the attention weighing in one side of the club and looks over to see what's going on. Is that a succubus? I don't know what it is now. Clover's looking like, no, that's just a, that's just a weird kid because she can tell she's not getting any energy off you guys. So she's like, there's two kids in those pants. That's not my business. I'm gonna let it fly.

Yeah, so you are not going to be able to get to that doorway the way that you were hoping for, but you are still survive the moment. Yeah, exactly. You're still undercover as pants. Okay, give me that. Okay, cut back to the booth. Mr. Gilbert is having a conversation with this, this accountant whose name you've learned is Maurice. Okay, and that was, that was when we all realized, Maurice, that there would be blood. I'm finished.

He drains the last of his tapioca balls, puts the glass on the table upside down. And then Fenton goes, I drink your milkshake. I finished. I finished. I finished. I could get, I could get a milkshake. Yes, please. Please order a milkshake, sir. Louise or whatever your name was. Two more. Two milkshakes, please. So you look back and you now see Clover holding two empty plates covered in the remnants of food. I'm going to look for a milkshake on the table somewhere.

And it's as you turn around that you see at the bar smoking a cigarette out of a long ivory cigarette holder in like a blazer with the skirt, you know, like the, the skirt suit. Yeah. Oh, pants. Tina Durger. She's at the bar watching the show. She claps idly as Allison finishes her song. She hasn't noticed me yet. She sees somebody talking to Maurice very clearly. She looks over and sees that Fenton is sitting in the booth. She starts to get up. Franklin's. Let's go. Yeah. Okay.

I'm peeking at the zipper. I know what's going on. Yeah. Like this. Two fingers poking out of the zipper. What's going on out there? I rush over to Maurice first. Hello. Good evening, sir. And, and, and sir, what may I get you to drink tonight? And then Fenton, he puts one of the, the mannequin arms in front of Maurice and he's like, let me get this one. Don't drink. And he's like, can we have, please have two milkshakes? Absolutely. I think we should try and get his wallet. Whose wallet?

The numbersman. Right. Okay. Can, can I drop one of my trays and, and in trying to pick it up, like try to steal Maurice's wallet? I'll try and steal his wallet through the zipper fly. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So that sounds like Clover is setting up Franklin. A group action. Yeah. I mean, unless you're both using sway, because remember with the group action, you have to use the same, um, action.

Well, I can, I can join in on this group action and distract Maurice and then it is a sway thing because we're distracting him and trying to steal from him. I, and I, the thing is, is I think this is a very, uh, complex action that you're attempting. So it's going to be a group action. It's going to be desperate. Yeah. Which means if you fail, it's going to be bad. Cause Tina, it has noticed us. Yeah. And then there's pressure.

All she has to do is see Fenton in the booth to realize that he's a little kid standing on, on the bench in a long coat. Okay. We need to get this wallet and pretend to be pants again. Okay. So who's leading the group action? You're first. Sure. I think. Okay. Yeah. I'll roll first. Well, who has them? Cause remember, whoever's leading, that means they're taking the stress if other people fail. Okay. I'll take the stress. Okay. I roll. So you guys are using sway. Yeah. What the fuck?

I only got one. Five. Five. Okay. So success with cost. Okay. So I, I dropped the tray and it shatters. Oh God. Oh yeah. Yeah, man. So it's enough that the music stops so loud, such a huge crash, but everybody looks over. Oh, some annoying guy in the back goes, Oh, so many people around and go, that's hilarious. Sorry. Franklin, bend over. Over. God, pick it up. And you are underneath. Maurice tries to move out of the way to give you space, but his pocket is right there. I grab it.

I go into his thing with my finesse. And how is Fenton distracting him in this moment? And he's like, let me tell you about a Tale of Two Cities. It was the best of times and the worst of times. Excellent. Cut away from… You've got old sheer. Okay, I'm going to start a clock. Uh-oh. What's up, everybody? It's your boy Borbo Borbom Borblo, and I'm trying to go on tour with my band B4, the Burly Beach Bod Bros, and we've got some sponsors that we need to play to raise tour funds. Check them out.

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Your alarm is sounding. Well, I think all of that stuff sounds pretty sick, and I would buy it all now. Does that it? Have I fulfilled my contractual obligations? Yeah, you can leave. Okay, great. Bye. Okay, bye. We're going on tour! Okay, so I have started a six segment clock called Tina Catches Wise. Okay. And I filled two segments. Okay. So Tina comes over. I jump back under the table into pants mode. Yeah, same. Yeah, smart. Hot, oh. Oh, yeah. So, Maurice, how's it going? Who's your friend?

And Penton's like, oh. His eyes go so wide. And Penton's like, oh, hello, the illustrious and famous Tina Derger. Oh, you're too kind. It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am. Oh, please, the pleasure is all yours, certainly. And I reach out a mannequin hand to shake her hand. She shakes it. She, for some reason, doesn't think about the fact that she's shaking a mannequin hand. And he goes, oh. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't.

You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't.

One of those things where you throw a quarter from across the room in a jukebox. Yeah, totally. Put like a spear buck. At a hobgoblin. Yeah. Into his glass bowl full of spear bucks. I throw a Malteser at him. And the band starts up just playing a regular jaunty old jazz tune. And Fenton goes, give me the space of one song that I might intrigue you with a proposal. A business proposal. All right. You have one song. Freebird. Freebird is like 15 minutes long. Yeah.

So what are you rolling for this? I guess Sway. Because you're lying about the whole thing. Yeah. So this is risky for sure because you're lying directly to the person that you're trying to trick. Yeah. But if I succeed at this, I can distract her and Maurice long enough that these guys can do anything. Yeah, totally. Okay. All right. Here we go. Fuck two threes. Someone can aid you. Oh, Clover pulls out some spear bucks and like shoves them down Fenton's sleeve. And so money just falls out.

Yeah. And yeah, I drop it down there and I go, this is for all the drinks that we're going to be drinking over the course of this evening, I guess. All right. Point of stress taken by Clover for this aid. Okay. This is his action. I take an extra day. One more. Okay. Here we go. Six. Yeah. Six. Excellent. Gold always wins. All right. Very well. Tell me about this business proposition. All right. I am. I'm from Vertgrass, Mrs. Derger. And I ran a pretty successful mining operation out there.

We went into some of the wildest jungles in the country and brought out some of the most valuable materials. We went to the most expensive of the most expensive of the most expensive. The thing I hate about little elves is they never know when to shut their mouths. Where'd you hear about this? Some of your associates.

I would give you the đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu Interesting.

She blows smoke into my face. He coughs from three different parts of his body. She ponders, places her cigarette holder on a little thing so it doesn't touch the tabletop. Says, all right, tell me about the service that you offer. And we're going to cut to Clover and Franklin who are under the table. Tina and Maurice are sufficiently distracted. Are you planning on slipping back out? Which one of us has longer arms, Franklin? Mine are tucked into the pants.

I would like to try to reach up with just my little fingies and pull one of the ledgers out from under like Maurice's stack of papers. Oh, smart. Okay, so what are you using to do this? I will use a prowess. A prowess. Yeah, prowess contains finesse, right? Yeah. Yeah, so that would make sense. Yeah. Single die. Oh, I love that. I'm going to do pretty well. I know I will. What the fuck? I got one. No! Okay, I want her to re-roll that because those dice fucking suck.

Yeah, those are those gross virgin dice. Okay, you guys use them every time and then shit on them when they don't work. I want an eight and I'll take a thing. Yeah, so you can take a point of stress to give Clover one more die. Okay, I'll use this one. Six! Wow. Actually, give me that. No, give me that die. I want to see something. I want to see something. If it's a six again? No, you can't throw three sixes into the wind. Six. Yeah, you barely rolled it. Five. You barely rolled it. Okay, three.

One. All right. I just wanted to make sure. Those are the fantasy by numbers ones, so I'd be like, it would make sense that they would send us weighted dice. Yeah. Yes. Okay, so Franklin takes a point of stress to assist and you get a six. How does Franklin assist? He longer arms leaning in. Somebody cross the… The bar who's like really drunk and seeing double. And then all of a sudden he sees a leg go up and go into a guy's pocket. He can pull out a notebook and then go back into a shoe.

Uh, yeah. So you're grabbing one of the ledgers like off the table above. Yes. Okay. So you slide them like this, like out of the middle, like quickly. Yeah. So you've got a ledger of some kind. Cool. Franklin read it. Okay. Let me start going through it. All right. Um, I'm studying. Okay. Yeah. So this is a control. You're under the table. Great. Um, and you know, I'd say it's standard effect cause you don't actually know what's in this. Yeah. Ledger. I don't have any insight.

So I just one die. Okay. So if you don't have anything, you roll two and take the lowest. The lowest. Okay. But also if like Clover wants to assist or if you want to take a devil's bargain, then you can get a plus one, which means you just take it flat. I do have two insight. I could assist. Actually, if Clover, if, if Clover has two insight, then she would be better suited to do it. I'm doing the role. That's funny.

Cause I just thought that same, cause I had two in prowess for getting the ledger. We just did the roles reversal. Wait a second. Maybe I'll read it. You know, just cause I like read a lot and pretty smart. I read. I know. Comic books. Okay. So two for insight. Two and a six. Okay. Um, so I'm going to start another clock. That is, uh, you've got what you need. Okay. Okay. And since that was a standard role that you succeeded at, you get two ticks on it.

So yeah, you go through this ledger and you find, uh, unfortunately that it is mostly actual like supply ledgers. It's like, Oh, we're getting this booze from this place. These napkins, like it's actual inventory, but you do see, uh, which is what the two ticks are. You do see some entries that don't have fold names. They have like codes basically like numbers and letters.

And those are the only entries, but there's something coming in that hasn't been going out and they've been paying a good amount of money for them. Oh yeah. Cool. So it's not everything you need, but it's a, it's a good start. What does the code say? Sean? Um, CCNJ tap one. So they've been buying something called CCNJ tap one. Regularly every five months, every three months. Nope. Only within the last, uh, I'd say month. And a half. Hmm. Uh, okay.

So Fenton, you're describing the services that Mr. Gilbert can offer. And he goes, I've come across a text that is, uh, it's a remnant from the golden age, a text that describes some of what was in the chocolate factory and, uh, describes some of the creatures that exist in their proprietary information about some of the, uh, dangers that one might encounter while mining whatever it is that one might, it's dark chocolate. You're trying to get dark chocolate. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

I didn't want to keep beating around the bush. I voice down at the very least. You know, I'd love to just believe you, but I also, uh, can't. So maybe you show me a little bit of this information that you so desperately want to sell me. I'm not selling you information. I'm selling you a service. A service. Mrs. Durger. Mr. Durger. Mr. Durger. Just covered the bases. Professor Durger. Dr. Durger. There are creatures in that factory. There are giant flying creatures in the candy clouds.

There are creatures in the candy grass. Some say they are the remnants of the elves that used to serve the wizard who created this factory and this mall. Mutated. Mutated. By living in that factory for so long. Tortured by time. Tortured by time. With claws that would rend a man in half. You're going to have to roll something now. Okay. What are you rolling? Sway? Uh, yeah. Sorry. Sway. Yeah. So it's 2d6. Okay. So yeah, this is risky. Yeah. And I'd say, uh, we'll say standard. Okay. Yeah.

I'm like trying to sell the lie with some truth. Cause she probably knows some of this stuff already if she's trying to get in there. Yeah. Yeah. What the actual fuck is going on? I got a one and a three. This is trash. You're not meant to play this game. Uh, and you want to do anything? Yeah. Can I take a stress and take an extra one? Uh, somebody else can take a stress for you. I'll take a stress. How are you aiding him? Yeah.

Well, you're, you're trying to convince her that you're a good explorer basically. There's dangers in there. Yeah. That I know what the dangers are and that I can, I am the only person who can get in there and get the chocolate and get out. Franklin pulls like his, uh, pan leg up and then puts his leg up on the table and be like, sure. Your scars. And he has all these dancing scars and like scars from all of his adventures on his legs. Cause he used to ride mountain. Yeah. Mountain bikes.

The shins are all parked up. So there's just a straight up foot on the table. A little, a little like young guy's leg on it. Yeah. Yeah. Fenton. He pulls up the pant. Like any points at the mountain biking scars, uh, from the pedals. And he's like, I encountered one of these creatures in the jungles of Penusia driven mad by chocolate and candy. And this is the bite that they left behind. I engaged the creature in single combat. Everyone ran away but me and I survived. And that's why I have this.

And then I leaned down and I opened my palm and Clover puts a piece of dark chocolate in it. And then I drop it on the table for her. Okay. Roll it. Cool. Fucking two. How is this possible? Okay. Can I take a stress for that? Uh, yeah, sure. Yeah. Action. Yeah. Oh, for the chocolate. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. Oh yeah. Yeah. One more. One more. Okay. You guys are. That one? Not that dice. Okay. Use the blue one. Yeah. There's the sixth one. You guys are really going all in on this. Three.

Holy shit. All right. So since that was risky, I'm going to go ahead and fill in two more segments. Fuck. Fuck. On Tina Catches Wise. This is a smoke filled bar. We are children. We are choking. Yeah. Yeah. There's honestly, we've talked about this before. Nothing wrong with running. Yeah. Like if a job is going bad, there's nothing wrong with running away. Okay. I'm two away from trauma. Drama. Yeah. Whoa. Holy shit. Holy shit. So Tina picks up the chocolate that you've left.

Laid on the table at the little nugget and she sniffs it and she licks it. Goes. Hmm. So you say that the creatures in the mall have been mutated, but then you also say that the creatures in Panusia have been mutated just by regular old chocolate, like cocoa beans. Um, uh, yeah. The. We were all unaware. That's what you were saying. Uh, yeah. These, um, the elves that, uh, that would. Assist the wizards. They, they, they're, they're sensitive to the use of, uh, to chocolate and, and the like.

And these are elves that you encountered in the jungles of Panusia. Yeah. It's very strange. I have to say these creatures experiencing and encountering mutated candy. So similar to the ones in this abandoned wizard chocolate factory. And also their bites look so similar to those of a mountain bike chain. Very interesting. Uh. Ugh. Well, time to be hitting the road. Um, you know, I'll think about it. Okay. Enjoy the show. All right. Thank you. Uh, if you could just give Maurice and I a moment.

All right. Uh, and I will, and I announce this very loudly. I will now stand up. All right. I brace my abs. I grip the knees and brace my abs and squat out of it. Uh, so hard. We shuffle out of the booth and squat. Just such a like, as the pillar of children rises to the end of the sky. And as we walk away, I say into the trench coat, I fucked that up pretty bad. Yeah. We all fucking fucked up. Fucked up. I hate this. I am stressed out. I need a hot drink. I need a hot drink.

I need a hot dog or something. Guys, I don't know what we should do. She seems really suspicious. We look back. She's watching you and a burly, a bouncer lean. She waves one over and leans down and whispers in his ear. We got to get the fuck out of here as quickly as possible. All right, let's walk. Franklin, can you walk like fast, but not suspiciously? Casually fast. Yeah, just lengthen that stride. And then it's like a, you know, speed walking. Mm-hmm. Okay.

So what are you, what are you rolling? This sounds like a group action. What are you rolling to get out of here without dropping? I'm rolling to get out of here without drawing any more attention to yourselves. Finesse to speed walk out of here. Okay. So you guys are basically, now that you know, now that you know that Tina's looking at you, you're trying to like bolt. We're going to the code check right by the door. Yeah. Okay. They also have a vending machine there. Uh-huh.

So we can pretend to look at snacks. Yeah, totally. So I, sorry, I just want to be clear. You're not leaving. You're going to stay and try and do more of your plan? No, we're going to, we're, we're bracing ourselves to get out of here. Okay. Just a few steps. I see. So you're getting ready to leave. Yeah. We're getting close to the door by walking casually. Uh, and then as soon as we're close to the door, we might just fucking all out run. Run as fast as we can.

So who's lead, we're doing finesse. Who's leading the action? Uh, Franklin, I'm from the lake. Yeah. Okay. Gotcha. I have two in prowess. Okay. Oh Lord, please give me two sixes. I would love a six. Let me see. How many sixes? A four. Five. One. Okay. So I just put it on the consequences. Okay. All right. Uh, and I think that the consequence is just going to go ahead and fill these in. So you've got one pie left on the Tina catches wise clock. She's got a hunch.

She's got a hunch that something's up and, but right now she thinks that it's somebody competing somebody that knows something about the chocolate operation. She doesn't know it's the cool tree kids, but she thinks somebody is on to her score. I tipped too much information. Yeah. Too much about what was in the chocolate factory. No one should know that much. Yeah. I fucked up. I fucked up, guys. We shouldn't have given her a sample either. Yeah. You guys go over to the vending machine.

Not to mention my mountain biking scars. It's so obvious. This is Norco across my shit. For some reason. So you go over to the vending machine. There's a vending machine in the corner. It's a big glass box with rows and rows of treats and there's a little elf standing in like a crank elevator and he's like like gesturing to the candy. And we're just using the reflection of the glass to like look each other in the face and talk. Oh yeah. What are we going to do, guys? What can I interest you in?

Shut the fuck up for a second, dude. Hold on. We gotta decide between us. Glossettes, peanut and raisin. We have candy cigarettes. We need to get out of here. She's on to us. Raisin. Alright, that'll be one spear buck. Fenton jams his spear buck into the machine. Spits it back out. Yeah, he's like, no, you gotta didn't put it in right. Fuck! Can I roll a prowess to get it in right? Yeah, totally. I got a four and a three. I resist the consequence. I'll take two stress. Okay, so it pops back out.

No, I didn't put it in right. I fucking hate you so much, dude. Click, click, click. He's like cranking himself up to the row with the raisin glossettes and he cranks himself over with a different crank. In front of the glossettes, if you want them, gotta put it in right. Oh, I take that with my finesse. I'll roll finesse. And he's doing the thing when you rub it on the corner of the vending machine to kind of smooth it. Okay, fine. We're trying to sort something out. So stressed. I got a six.

Okay. Oh my god. So while we do that, we say, okay, maybe we'll just take the candy like casually. Return, tip our hat, and casually walk up the stairs, limbo out of here. Yeah. That sounds good. And if we look back and there's a bouncer coming for us, we abandon the costume and just flat out run, right? Oh shit. Yeah. And if they try to follow us, we go down into the sewers where they can't fit. Yep. We run. We go into a vent. Yes. Or a sewer, whichever we see first.

The elf starts to pull out the glossettes and they get stuck halfway and he goes, oh no, they're stuck. Oh my god. And you see in the refrigerator, reflection of the glass, the bouncer approaching you from the back. Oh shit. Slowly weaving through the crowd. Fenton, just mention, hey, the vending machine's broken. Oh, and then he'll have to fix it. Yep. Aha. So I turn around and I go, oh hey, dude, vending machine's broken. The glossettes are stuck. What are you using for this? Uh, I guess whey.

Okay. So this is pretty desperate. He's obviously coming for you and you're like, vending machine, bro. Yeah. But yeah, so desperate standard. So you're taking a point for this. Four. Okay. Success with consequence. The Tina catches wise clock completely fills. Fuck! Fucking kidding me? The bouncer turns and sees the vending machine and he goes, come on, bro. You just gotta give them the candy. They already paid for it.

But as you turn to go to the door, Tina is looking at you from all the way across the bar. Shit. And she nods. And she takes a bite out of her cigarette holder. Yeah, bites her. It's candy. Bites her candy cigarette holder in half and chews it thoughtfully as you, what, leave? Yes, yeah. She doesn't send anybody after you. What the fuck? She just watches you leave. That's scarier. That means she knows who we are. I am not gonna sleep for a week. Okay.

Let's just calmly walk out of here and then we run. Yep. Once we're out of sight. Mm-hmm. Did we forget that we're already, we get out of this club into another club? We're gonna sprint through the… But if downstairs is like a raucous speakeasy, upstairs is like a sad, rainy, like, noir bar. So there's like two people and that bartender. Yeah. So yeah, we get up there, we like break apart and we run away. Yeah.

The guy is cleaning a different glass as you come up and he's like, hey friend, wanna sit down? What the fuck? Just breaking it for you kids. We have diarrhea! All of us. And you run off into the mall. Damn it. Shit. A hard rain falls as the Cool Treat kids disappear into the gloom. I've never been more ashamed in my life. Yeah, we kind of reconvene in a dirty, like, maintenance staircase at the bottom underneath the staircase. This is where we come when we're ashamed of how much we've lost.

Oh, fuck. They're getting wet. Yeah. Tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why. Yeah, Clover's saying to us, this is what we do and we feel bad. Yeah. I can't see at all. I'll be great, but the picture's on the wall. That is not so bad. It's not so bad. And the hobnoblin is patting Clover on the back. I thought we were a really good gang. We're good. We're just under a lot of stress. Not everything has to work out for us all the time. We're punching way above our weight class here.

We're trying to fight against the condominiums. And the condo maximums. Yeah, whichever one's going in first. Yeah, you're right. Thanks, Barbara. Yeah. Guys, do you think that… Do you think that we fucked this up because we're trying to go at it alone? I think so. I think we need… I think we need the hot meat boys and our friends. Yeah, we're talking big talk about like banding together with the other kids, but we have to like, we have to let them help us. That's true.

Like we're still trying to compete with them in some ways. I mean, Tina's not working alone. Yeah, why should we? Exactly. Okay. Right. Also, we're fucking idiots. We need help. Can we- Can we- Master Gilbert? Gilbert never works. What were we thinking? What? No. Okay. Fuck you guys. Okay, no, sometimes he works. No, he works most of the time. He got us in there. What fucked it up was me talking way too much. Exactly. But you always demand to be on the top, doing all the talking.

You never give Franklin or I a chance. That's right. It's because you guys are too heavy. You hurt my shoulders and my abs. Well, it's time for you to work out. I'm not working out. I'm working out. I'm working out. I'm working out. I'm working out. I'm working out. I'm working out. I'm working out. I'm working out. My abs. Well, it's time for you to work out, just like we do. Yeah, somebody else get to be a bottom for once. You know, do you ever think of Franklin's quads?

Okay, okay, fine, and honestly, I think about Franklin's quads a lot. We shouldn't be fighting like this. You're right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry for not letting you guys ever be the top of Mr. Gilbert. No, it makes sense. You're connected to him, he's you. Wouldn't be Mr. Gilbert without you. It would be somebody else. Exactly. But you guys should be able to make your own Mr. You know what? I'm good. I got my own thing going on.

Yeah, I got, you got your, I got my, we got our own thing. Okay. Wait, do you want to be the. And he climbs up on Fenton's shoulders. His big flappy feet hanging down in Fenton, in front of Fenton. And he's like. You know, I think if we ever have to go to like a ballroom or something, it'd be great. Okay. Let's go regroup. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. And the, yeah. Scene fades to black. Credits start to roll as the cool tree kids settle in for a night of accepting failure.

And about halfway through the credits, a scene fades into view. Post credit scene. See you. New style. After hours at the nog hole, people are cleaning up. Tina Durger is sitting at a booth. We see Tina Durger head on. We see a figure just over their shoulder. She is smoking. She looks at this person and says, you come highly recommended. Whoa. And I hope that this is just the beginning of a long working relationship. But first I need you to find the cool tree kids. Whoa. And we cut to.

The person she's talking to and see a fedora, sharp Elvin ears, a grizzled gray beard on a face reminiscent of an Indochino dill and a green leather gherkin cut to black. That was your thing, right? Yeah, it was. And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Fenton Beasley, the slide of dual disease. So long. Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Bye-bye. Playing Clover Ivy Fern, the whisper, Jessica Tai.

Bye, everyone. We've been playing World of Blades by Duam Figueroa based on Blades in the Dark by John Harper. Those are both excellent games that can be found online by Googling them. Thank you to Quinn, Discord user, Patreon subscriber, listener. Just cool. Just a cool person. Thank you, Quinn. For our intro and outro music that they so kindly allow us to use. And thank you to all of you, Patreons and supporters, for listening. Without you, this show would not be possible. Thank you so much.

We adore you. And we'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of the Cool Treat Kids. Always up to no good. So tiny and greedy. And angsty they be. As they navigate crime and puberty. And though our journey may be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to the chocolate store. As the Cool Treat Kids plan their next score. And for you, I'll gladly spout more. And for you, I'll gladly spout more. And for you, I'll gladly spout more.

And for you, I'll gladly spout more. And for you, I'll gladly spout more.

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound They're aware of the famously tasty So here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets She has a corn dog addiction Benton's the sly, she sleeps in a safe And writes vampire fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart The best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends Endless and close For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome to I am your Game Master, Sean O'Hara Joining me is always-playing Fen Beasley The Spectre of the Spectre Sly at Abdulaziz.

Hello, everybody. Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Hello, everybody. Stop. And playing Clover Ivy Fern, Jessica Tai. Hello, everybody. I'm gonna fucking slit your throats if you guys do this. When last we left our heroes. It's just here's the ligament. The waning knife. No! Slice, slice, slice. I actually did it. Today we're continuing our game of World of Blades by Duam Figueroa based on Blades in the Dark by John Harper.

When last we left our friends and heroes, the Cool Treat Kids, they had begun their plan to break up Seamus Seamus and Kesserin ropes via a haunting. Their plan was to convince Seamus and Kesserin, who think that Clover Ivy Fern is deceased, that they are both being haunted by the spirit of Clover Ivy Fern. Yeah.

They got some supplies in the form of clothing and makeup from the Goth Library LARPers, the study group, as well as a smoke machine in the form of a chain-smoking elf named Randy Beefs, who lives in a big box. And the plan was to follow them to each of Seamus' favorite date spots and engage in that haunting. So we went to Chili's, Arctic-themed restaurant, and scared the shit out of them. Then we went to Poof's and wrote in their food, Alphagetti-style, that Seamus should not trust Kesserin.

And that the message was from beyond the grave, love Clover. And then also, almost for no reason, we created an emergency in the kitchen. Which led to Borbo almost being fired. And a skilled chef losing his status in society by chopping off his finger when we flickered the lights. He went from up there to way down there. Damn it. And to save Borbo's job, you all, well, except for Fenton, agreed to be banned from Poof's for life. But then I ended up getting banned for life.

Yes, as Fenton took it upon himself to stash some of Clover's lavender hair in Kesserin's hair. And we ended with Kesserin finding a strand of violet hair, lavender hair, amongst her own hairs. And that is where we find our kids now. Engaging in the third of three hauntings? Yes. This one taking place at the pool. Yeah. Yes. I think we're maybe back in the tunnels. Yeah. Reviewing the plan. Yeah. Okay. So what's the plan? So we've hit up Poof's. We've hit up Chili's.

Wiping them off the whiteboard. Yeah. And now I draw the crystal pool. Takes me a bit. About ten minutes. Just busy yourself with something else. Yeah, we're eating popcorn while we're watching you draw. So now this is the pool. And then this spot here is the hot tub that is the meetup zone. The listeners, you could not see the aggressiveness with which Jessica pointed at her fake drawing. Amazing. The pillars that surround the hot tub are ideal hiding spots.

And we're going to have to hide the smoke machine somewhere around there. But make it prominent enough this time to beat out the mist of the hot tub. And he sneaks in there after dark, right? Yeah. So we can, there's probably like this is going to be the spookiest one of all. Yeah. Because darkness is scary. Right, guys? Yeah, you're darn right it is. I'm thinking we could maybe visit the Batman and get some bats. Because I know Seamus, one of his dislikes are the bats in his bedroom.

So, what do you think? The Batman is a competitor of the Ratman? No, they're cousins. Yeah. The Batman. Yeah. Okay, so you're going to the Batman to get some bats. Yeah, 100%. Step one of this plan. That makes sense. We'll get some bats. We'll take the smoke machine to the pool. Sneak it in after hours. We'll sneak it in after hours. We can bring it in before hours and leave it. Totally. Oh yeah, that's a good idea. Stash it? Yeah. We'll have to get our spookiest swim trunks on, I guess.

Yeah, we can make some swim trunks out of this weird Victorian swim trunks are so scary. Not an ankle in sight. The stripy ones? Yeah. Okay, I'll stay here then and make the swim outfits. Okay, thank you. Sweet. And we'll go to the Batman. Okay. Sick. Where does the Batman operate? He finds you. What are you? There's a signal that you have to turn on. You have to find a mirror and say Batman five times into it and then he appears behind you. That's really scary. That is scary.

And Fenton kind of thinks that he might be a vampire. He might be. So how are you guys summoning the Batman? Okay, yeah, we find a mirror. The mirror thing is real. Yeah, we're going to do the mirror thing. This is what we heard. Yeah, totally. It's kind of like Bloody Mary. We think we're hiring somebody that's like maybe fictitious. Gotta try the Batman. And we have to go to the scariest bathroom in the food court to do it. Yeah. There we go. Okay. The one that's in the maintenance hallway.

Yeah, nobody uses this one. With the flickering light in it. Except for janitors. Yeah. So, yeah, you're facing a mirror. Flickering light dripping from somewhere. Oh, God. Okay, here we go. Okay. You say it twice and I'll say it the last time. Okay, wait, what? Five times? Five times. You say it twice and then I'll say it once and then you say it once more and then I'll say the last one. Okay. Okay, here we go. Batman. Batman. I was going to say it twice.

Okay, you say it twice and I say it once and you say it twice and I'll say it once. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman. Batman? Batman. Batman. And the lights go out. Batman, is that you? And the lights turn back on and standing behind you in a cow and a cape is the Batman. What do you want? Yes. Hi, Batman, sir, Batman. Batman, why did you call me? We need some bats. We need your scariest bats. All bats are scary. That's why I dress like one.

Oh, that's what that is. Yeah, it's homemade, so you can't really tell that it's a bat. Why is your voice like that? I have a sinus infection. When you spend enough time around bats, your nose gets all fucked up. Oh, yeah, they have that fungus. Yeah, it's like a nose fungus. Yeah, I would get that looked at. There's no doctors in the dark space. Oh, no. Your cousin, the Rat Man, is a good friend of ours. He stalks the ground shadows and I stalk the shadows of the sky.

I can barely understand a word you're saying, Batman. I think he said he stalks the ground shadows and he stalks the shadows of the sky. Yeah. Whoa, that's pretty spooky. You're a pretty spooky guy, dude. He's an ally. He's an ally? Yeah. Come on, don't make me repeat stuff. Show you why you need some bats. How much is a bag of bats? Oh, they're free. Oh. Oh. Bats are fear, and the more fear I put out into the ball, the greater my whip powers are. He said it's the greater his white powers are.

Oh, yeah. That's not what I said. What did you say? I said the greater my weapon and powers are. Oh, sorry. Okay. Well, then you might be interested in the job that we're about to pull, because we're going to scare a couple of kids so bad that they're going to break up with each other. Sounds fucking sick. I love fear, and I hate love, I guess. I don't know. Do you want? Yeah. So you need some bats. We need some bats. Yeah, we need some bats for this job.

What's the best way to release them, to get them really riled up? Bats. Bats are always riled up. At least my bats are. So where do you need these bats to be? We need them. We need to take them to the crystal pool for tonight. Tonight? Yep. Okay. Do you know how to get in there? Do you know? I'll figure it out. Okay. And he says, hey, could you grab that for me? And he points to something behind you. Yeah. What is it? We turn around to look at it. What is he pointing at?

And he turned back, and he's gone. Can we just hear this? Yeah, you hear, in the vents, you hear a banging. So the Batman has agreed to take some bats to the crystal pool tonight. Cool. And that he'll figure it out. That's great. Thank you, Jessica, for introducing the Batman. I love the Batman. Thank you for allowing me to workshop that impression. That's great. Christian Bale's Batman. It's very funny. I love it. It's, yeah, it sounds like it's closed. Yeah, for some reason he had that.

Okay, yeah, so that's, you got bats covered. Yeah. Cool. And Clover's working on the outfits. Yeah, I'm sewing the Victorian swimsuits. Should we make Clover roll to see how good these swimsuits turn out? Yeah, totally. Yeah, I'm cool with that. Yeah, let's just roll a fortune die. Four. So, okay, they're middle of the road. Tell me about them. They are prison outfits. I didn't know the difference. Awesome. Awesome. So full length sleeves and pants. Like stripy prison? Yeah.

Or like modern orange jeans? Yeah. Or like a jumpsuit. No, like Brother Where Art Thou? Totally. Yeah. Yeah. And there's like a shackle attached to each of them. Yeah. That actually will be super spooky. Oh, yeah. Chains? Yeah. Perfect. It might be a bit of an impediment. We might have less effect with our mission. Well, Fenton still has less effect from drinking so much sour cream. Yeah.

Part of the less effect is like every, I have to take a break from all of our planning sessions to go to the bathroom. Yeah. And the worst part, the worst is when he does it. And he doesn't take a break. So you guys have been making him take a break. Break time. We set an alarm. Yeah. Okay. So you've got the swim outfits. Yeah. Well, quote unquote swim outfits that are all linked together via chain gang style. Yeah. Ankle chains. We have to move like Weekend at Bernie's for this whole time.

The Batman is going to show up at some point with some bats. Yeah. We need more smoke than there is at the hot tub. Do we need to do anything to up our smoke game? Yeah. I think Randy's like, look. I got some stuff I can smoke. Do we have to get this thing to the pool then now? Yeah. I can't do it for me. Oh yeah. We should get our little like, um, what are they called? Like those radio, radio flyer. Yeah. Oh yeah. Totally. The big wheel. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, you're going to be at, you're going to be pulling a red wagon with a bike. Yeah. So good. And I've, when I cut Clover's hair off, I was given an idea to, to come up with a disguise for her so she could come out and help us with it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've taken the Mrs. Gilbert disguise, which is a blonde wig. Uh, and I've just removed the blonde wig and I've given it to her. Thank you. Yeah. I've never been a blonde before.

Hey, well, you know what they say? Blondes have yellow hair. Yeah. That was my favorite Marilyn Monroe movie. I started doing Marilyn Monroe poses like, Ooh. Oh, it is me Seamus, but I didn't notice you because I am a hot woman. And Fenton and Franklin are actually kind of like, Whoa, You can see Greg is like working on something in the corner of the room and he turned around and goes, Oh no, that's going to be a problem for him later. Clover, you look different. Yeah, I'm blonde. My God.

Why are you standing there like that? And the fence starts doing like, Oh, very good. Get pumped up. Starts doing like a one-handed push-up with no feet. Whoa, what? I am also gonna show my physical prowess and then he lifts up his shirt and he turns his belly button into a mouth and he's like, nice hair, Clover. And I'm like, I guess I'll also do my physical prowess. So I start doing like, I don't know, jumping jacks or something. Like this? And then Borbo walks in on this scene.

Yeah, he comes roller skating down the corridor just into the alcove that this is in and is like, what's going on? He's showing off. Hey, Borbo. Alright, cool. And he starts just like jackknifing his legs back and forth with his rollerblades on. Cool. Check it out. It's like I'm running but I'm in place. Anyways, guys, I got fired. Oh, shit. Fine. That place sucked. Was it our fault? No. I challenged Jared to a fight after work. So I was like, hey, man, if I fight you and I win, I own poofs now.

What? You guys were fighting for pinks? Fighting for pinks, bro. And he was like, alright, fine. But if I win, you're fired. And I was like, no problem, Jared. You're a little drip. No contest. And he knows his shit. He absolutely whooped my ass. Oh, you let him win. No, I wish I let him win. I'm amazed. I honestly really like that guy now. He kicked the hell out of me. Oh, my God. Alright, so Clover has a disguise in case she gets caught in the pre-haunting.

I think it's just so we can all get to the crystal pool and sneak this thing in. Yeah, so I put our costumes in a backpack. Got my blonde hair wig on. Nice. I'm gonna bring this untested gummy bear. Oh, smart. I don't know. It may be too early to use, but no, it's good to have. Oh, yeah. And I have my mushroom. Yeah, we still have to use that. Okay, so this is to sneak the smoke machine into the pool before it closes, right? Yeah.

Okay, so this sounds like it's gonna be a group action, which is the one where you all roll the same action. Yeah, but one person takes the lead. Okay, what are you rolling and who's taking the lead? I don't know. I'd say Sway, because we're trying to… I feel like it's a Fenton thing, but that's just my vote. Yeah, that works. I'll do that. So everybody's rolling Sway. And for everybody that fails, Fenton is gonna take a stress. No. Wicked. Here we go. Okay. Two. Four. Four. Fuck. Shit.

Did we all fail? I know. The four is a mixed success. But you take a stress for Clover's two. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. That's okay. Mixed success. What's the mixed success here? Like, we get to leave it, but it's, like, locked up in the security guard's office. Oh, yeah. You're gonna have to crack it out before you… Okay, cool. So, yeah, you walk up to, I guess, the entrance to the pool, and there's a lifeguard slash security guard there. Oh, it's Mindy. Oh, shit.

Because Mindy was a lifeguard, right? Oh, right. So I put my hood up, and I'm just like, hey. Hey. Franklin. Hi, Mindy. It's been a while. It's been a while. How are you? I'm fine, I guess. I mean, that dance is coming up soonish, right? Oh, the Sadie Hawkins dance? Yeah. You still care about that? I do. Well, I mean, I… Do you care about it? I mean, yeah. Oh, okay. Well, I mean, in that case… I mean, not really. Oh, well, no. Yeah, no, me neither. Yeah. But, like… I mean… How you been?

I'm… I'm good. How's your dad? He's fine. What am I doing? But, I mean, like, if you did care… Yeah? Maybe you'd want to go with me. That's what I was just gonna say. Yeah, you did say it. You're so smart. Nah, you're so smart. You're really funny. Am I? Yeah. Anyway, yeah, so you want to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance? I would love to. Deep bow curtsy. He does a curtsy. And she laughs. Like, oh, okay, cool. Well, then I'll… Okay. Awesome. Yeah, then I'll meet you at the Light Depot. Cool.

Okay. Thank you. So, what are you… Sorry. Hey. Hey. Fenton? Who's your friend? Uh, my name is Dan. Okay. Yeah, this is our friend Dan. He's, uh, he's from another school… Mall. He's from another mall. Another mall? There are other malls? Yeah. Whoa. I'm from Vertgrass Mall. Whoa. Yep. Cool. So, you're just coming to hang… Check out the pool? Yeah, I just… They're gonna take me on a tour through the pool. And I'm gonna figure out where I want to splash the most.

He's never been to a pool before. I've never even seen water in my life. Vertgrass is a coastal city. Whoa, whoa. I mean, we've got… This is one of the best pools ever. So, maybe the best pool in the whole world. Whoa. With one of the best lifeguards in the whole world. Oh, you're so sweet. She, like, blushes a little bit. Yeah. Um, yeah, so, I mean, you guys got… Can I see your tickets? Do you have tickets? Ah, that's the thing. We're just kinda hoping that we could… Oh.

We just wanna go on a tour. We're just going for a bit, just to show them around. We're not gonna stay all day. I know you could get in trouble. I'd really appreciate you taking this on. I could. I really could. Okay. Alright. Fine. Okay. Okay. Make it quick, though. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Whoa. What's this? What's this? This? Yeah. Is our… It's our… Yeah, these are our swim trunks. Are in here. In this box? Yeah, in that box. Can I see? Oh, no.

I'm really embarrassed about my swim trunks because they're… I didn't know what a swim trunk was. So, it's… So, it's a lot of underwears. A lot of boys' underwears that boys would wear. And I don't want girls to see them. Oh, yeah. Okay. I remember being that age. Okay. Okay. Then, yeah. Go. Just make it quick. Just make it quick. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Okay. If you get in trouble, let us know. We'll take the heat. I will. I'll see you in a couple days. Okay. Bye. Okay. Bye. Call me.

I will. Hey, Franklin. Did you see what I did? Okay. Bye. Nice. You got a date? Holy shit. I got a date. You got a date to the Sadie Hawkins dance, my friend. I'm very nervous. It's with the girl you like. Oh, my God. Was I cool? Does it sound cool? Did I look cool? Oh, yeah. It was pretty cool. It was super cool. You made all the cool words that you had to make. What about that curtsy, though? That felt weird a little bit. I didn't… The curtsy was honestly the best thing you did, probably.

Really? Some more curtsy? Yeah, I think so. I have to do it again. I seem to win her over. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Stop talking about her dad, probably. I don't know where that came from. Great. Then we see, you know, the Cool Treat kids wheel their smoke machine to where they want to hide it in the pillar. They go splash around a little bit, I assume. You're not going to waste this opportunity to splash in the water, probably. Yeah, I just go in to my ankles of all my wigs and stuff. All your wigs?

The hoodie I'm wearing. Great. And my mushrooms. And we see the Cool Treat kids walk away with their box where it is, and then things start to close and a security guard kind of toddles up and goes, what's this? And then takes the box and wheels it into the lifeguard station. Sweet. So, yeah, the box is in there. Cool. Anything else that you want to achieve before you wait and sneak in? Maybe we're hiding out in those public bathrooms by the swim pool. Oh, yeah. We stay. That's a good idea.

Then we camp out here. That's a good idea. Then we won't have to break in. And they have free dinner here. Remember the garbage bins? Oh, yeah. There's free garbage here. Okay. So you're going to hide out in the bathrooms? Yes. Okay. Roll a fortune die for me. One die. Three. Alright. Is that good? Some time passes, and you're all hiding out in one of the bathroom stalls.

You know, every once in a while someone comes in and tries to use the stall that you're all hiding in, but you just keep it closed, and they get annoyed, and then they take a huge shit in the one next to you. You know, like pool shits, too? Never good. A lot of people are taking shits today. People are running a train on this bathroom. It feels like it should have closed like 20 minutes ago. They actually had to keep it open, because that is the thing.

There's a line outside the bathroom, so it's open for a little bit, past closed. People are like, you can't close right now, man. I'm so close. Maybe we should clean the pool. Everyone think about that? We might have E. Coli in the water. But eventually, the lights do get darker as you realize the sun setting through the giant glass roof, and night falls. The pool is closed. What do you do? The Batman shudders in the dark somewhere. Darkness. I guess it's time to get in our costumes. Yeah.

Let's do it. Okay, powdered wig. We have a powdered wig on, and we're wearing a prison costume. Yeah, I brought two powdered wigs just in case. I didn't know. And as you guys get out and you're putting on your costumes in the bathroom, you hear squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky, squeaky. Jenner! Hide! Kill him! No, no, no! I jump in the garbage bin. I jump back into the bathroom.

Alright, everybody, this sounds like a group stealth action, or a group lurk or prowl or whatever it's called. Someone else should lead it, because I don't have any of that. I have two in prowess. Yeah, I have one in prowess. And if it's a finesse, then if we're all hiding. Yeah. I'll take one more die. Okay, here you go. Oh, I have two in prowess and one in finesse. Yes, you get three. And we all roll? Yeah, everybody's rolling. Either your prowess or your finesse. Okay. Six. Six, three.

So you take one stress because Fenton failed. Is three a fail? Yeah, one to three is a failure. Which means that Franklin saves Fenton from getting caught somehow. Yep. He went to go under the stall and I got wedged. And then I had to do an elaborate, like, because I was going over the top and I had to, like, stop halfway, like, and then a handstand and then go swing under and kick you into and then swing back. That's Winnie the Pooh style. Yeah.

Yeah, and you hear squeaky squeaky as somebody wheels, like, a mop bucket in and mops up, muttering to themselves. And just a few minutes pass and then they leave. Sticks like shit. You know, you think that after 40 years of cleaning up shit, you get used to it, but you just get more angry. And now you know what? This is why I haven't shit in 15 years. Can't do it. Won't do it. I refuse. This is a gum wrapper. There's a garbage can right here.

He throws it and you can hear him throw it in really hard. Oh, this guy needs to shit. Oh, he throws a gum wrapper on top of Clover, I guess. He's hiding in the garbage can. Alright, I guess I gotta take out the garbage. And he starts closing the bag. I, uh, I, I, Barry, down and I rip a hole through the bag. Oh, nice. And that's your moderate success. He almost took you away, but then he pulls it and doesn't realize that all of the garbage comes out of the bag. As well as a 12-year-old girl.

I guess I have been working out. And Squeaky, Squeaky, Squeaky walks out. Oh my god. I was almost put into the garbage. Oh my god. I'm gonna go in the pool. I feel so gross. Good idea. Yeah. Alright, Clover runs out into the pool. Yeah, I sneak, I'm sneakily going into the pool to wash myself off. But I still have my swim costume on. Totally. So the crystal pool at night is quite eerie, because it's just like towering structures, shadows cast by like moonbeams cutting through the glass ceiling.

The wave pool's on all the time, so now it just has that quality of like a storming sea at night. You know, the moonlight and the crashing waves. But besides that, it's almost totally silent. And you go down and you wash yourself up in the water, and then you hear voices in the distance. Who is it? A light under the water slides. Oh. I look. What is it? Is it Seamus? It seems to be, yeah, a bunch of like lanterns, like little beach lanterns, kind of. With kids' voices floating out over the park.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Getting your positions. I'm gonna stay in the pool. I eat the mushroom. I don't know what to do. Yeah, okay. Uh, fortune die. Just to see how this works. Nice. Ooh. Holy fuck. Roll the worst. Shit. Which I think means you start to go translucent. Like you can see your fingers start to go clear. Cool. But then the not totally successful thing that is still terrifying is just your flesh is going clear so you can see your bones underneath.

And you look and you can see like organs and shit, so you just look like a weird like anatomy skeleton. Don't look at me! Oh my god. Don't look at me! Close your eyes! She is wearing clothes, so you can see her. Sorry, I misspoke. You can't see organs through your shirt, because you're wearing an outfit, but you do see like eyeballs, a skull, teeth, missing teeth, because Clover's missing a bunch of teeth at turns out. And then I think, oh wait, this might be perfect. Fenton pukes into the pool.

It's immediately washed away, by the way. Oh my god, Clover, you look awful. I'm so sorry, just close your eyes and make like some quiet clanking sounds. Clank, clank, clank, clank, clank. And you know that the kids are gathered near the hot tub now. How far away are they? I'm so bad at numbers, but they're like, you can see the lights, and you can see people moving, but you can't see clearly who it is. Okay, so it's like other side of the pool? Yeah. Okay, make clanking sounds.

Where's the smoke machine? Clank. Oh, fuck. The smoke machine's in the goddamn fucking… I'll jump out of my chains. Yep. And I'll try and make a mad dash. Do I have to roll? You don't have to roll to get there, but you get to the security guard zone, and it's a locked door. Oh, damn. There's like, you know, one of those windows that slides open, but that's locked too. Shit. I would like to finesse the door, skirmish the door open. Skirmish? Uh… Finesse the door open.

Like you're putting like a stick or something in there to try and jimmy the latch? Yeah, what do I have? Wrecking tools. I have a slingshot. And you're just gonna smash the window? I'm gonna, well, I'm gonna flick the door, the lock open. I'll lean in the window a little bit that I can, and slingshot the lock. Okay, so that, yeah, so the only thing that that might do is make a bunch of noise, but it's still worth a shot. Fuck yeah. Do it, do it, do it! Two. Two. Shit. Oh my fucking god.

I'll take a stress. Yeah. Or no, sorry, devil's bargain. Devil's bargain. Okay, so… What's the bad thing that happens no matter what? I leave something behind that lets Mindy know that I broke it. Oh yeah. Oh shit. Yeah. Fuck! Like a piece of my Tux t-shirt, something that I'm always wearing. Yeah. Or one of, just like a weird candy thing. Like one of the Cool Treat Kids, like, candy swords. Oh, the gummy bears that you brought. Oh yeah. Oh, gummy bear. Experimental gummy bear. Yep.

You leave a gummy bear behind unknowingly. Damn. But yeah, go ahead and roll it. Fuck! Six! Yes! Whoa! Worth it. And you snap. You shoot a little ball bearing or whatever into the lock, and it I shot the gummy bear. That's what it was. You shot the gummy bear. To be quiet. Yeah, totally. And it snaps, smacks into the lock and sticks, but slides open, and you're able to get in through the window. I got the smoke machine. Oh, thank god you're here, kid. I was getting bored.

Randy, do what you do best, buddy. Start smoking. Alright, get me close. I'll make it spooky. Okay. Thank you. Okay. Oh god, okay. Guys, I got it. So we wheel it close to the hot tub. Yep. In behind one of the pillars. Yeah. And we're all on our own pillar, I guess. Is that what you… Yeah, I'm still in the pool, I guess. Yeah. Trying to stay out of sight, because you're extra scary. So you see all these… Eyeballs and a brain sticking up above this pool.

Oh yeah, if you like, come out of the pool. That's my plan. That's so scary. Sick. How did they think you died again? Nobody really said anything about how she died, just that she did. Yeah. Okay, so we'll go over there, we'll start making clanking noises, and then Randy Beefs is gonna start smoking, and then it's your time to shine, Clover. You come out through the smoke, that's so creepy. That's what I'm gonna do. Creepy.

So you guys get close, like you set up the smoke machine, and you can see all the kids that are there. It's, uh, it's Seamus, and Kessarin, it's the other two Pixie Stix. Uh-huh. It's, uh… Some, it's one of the, like, wild Noggs, who seems to be dating one of the Pixie Stix. Uh-huh. And then it's Penny. Oh, what the fuck is this? Penny's here too. Yeah, Penny just is there. With who? She's up by herself, man, she's like nine. It's much like Fenton is hanging out with Clover and Franklin.

Penny's just kinda there, like, eyes wide, looking at everything, like, she's kinda bobbing around in the pool. Okay. Alright, I was gonna lose it if she was there with one of the wild Noggs. You don't like her anymore? Yeah, but I still don't want her to date one of the wild Noggs. But Fenton, you don't, like, own her or anything. She's her own woman. I know that, but I still want to control what she does. Fenton, that is a big problem. Fuck, I know, okay?

Whatever, she's her own woman, I don't care. Use that as a compass to work on yourself. Now let's get this scaring done. We're gonna talk about this later. Okay, fuck, fine. I'm fucking nine, okay? I'll put it in the Journal of Things to talk to Fenton. It's this tome that I carry around on the back. Uh, okay, so you're gonna get Randy to start smoking? Yeah. Randy, do it, do it! Okay, here we go. I hope the Batman knows our signal. Yeah.

And the smoke starts billowing out of the smoke machine, rolling across the floor. Wait, when's that? Yeah, what is going on? Why is it so smoky? And then Clover starts crawling out of the pool. And Fenton's making chain clanking noises. Yeah. And all the kids are looking around. He's going, clink. Seamus! I told you. Clink. I would be back. And then I come out of the smoke, and it's just, like, my skeleton in a prison. Yeah, she's taking her, oh, you have an outfit on. Oh my god.

Uh, terrifying. So, everybody, this sounds like it's gonna be a group action sway, maybe, to scare them. So everybody's gonna roll a sway. We're doing this. Okay. So who's leading it? Fenton? Oh, Clover. I think Clover's leading it. So Clover's gonna take a stress for everybody that fails. Okay. Here we go. Yep. Give me a six, baby! Five. I got a six. I got a three. Ah! Alright, six. So Clover takes a stress for herself. Cool. But, uh, but Fenton pulls it out somehow.

He makes it absolutely terrifying. Yeah. Oh, Tom. And, uh, the way he does that is he knocks on the box, and he goes, Randy, you gotta kick it in high gear! Say no more, kid! And you can hear him putting uh, cigarettes in between each of his fingers. You see him charging up, he's unplugging all the batteries from all of his vapes. You trained for this, Randy! Ha ha ha ha! And he goes, and just, boom! A shockwave of smoke emits from the smoke machine.

And then as that's happening, Fenton jumps on top of the of the box, cause he notices a bunch of bat boxes above the hot tub that are like, stuck closed. Uh-huh. And he like, grabs them, and then rips them open, and a bunch of furious bats come bursting out of these boxes. And in the dark, Franklin is running circles in the shadows, cause now he's not afraid of shadows, he's running around and swirling the smoke in the bats into this like, tornado around him. Yeah.

But I'm standing there, I'm like, Kassarin… I am coming for you. You betrayed me. And, like, now that this is all set in, there's like, shocked silence for a second, and all the kids start shrieking. People are like, tumbling over each other, trying to get out of the pool. Like, uh, the two pixie sticks take off, the wild nog, like, wets himself and then takes off. And Kassarin's just like, Ha! Ha! Ha! And Seamus is like… And he's still just bobbing and like, doopity-doop.

And he's watching a bat just swirl around. Mmm, a rat. And Seam… Oh, flying rat! Cool. And Seamus is like, Clo… Clover? It is me. Seamus. What happened? Kassarin told. She told on us. And this is what happens? This is… And then from the smoke you hear us go, Tina Durgerskin does a life. Tina Durgerskin does a life. Tina Durgerskin does a life. Tina Durgerskin does a life. Even the Batman in the ceiling is like, What the fuck? Those are some good intimidation tactics.

These kids are fucking terrifying. And Kassarin screams and jumps out of the pool. And Seamus even jumps up and he looks at you terrified for a second, but also kind of sad. And then he runs away too. And they're all screaming like, Oh, he runs and then he turns and looks, you know? Yeah, he looks and he looks at your gooey skeleton one more time. And as he looks, my hair starts coming back. But then I vanish into the fog. Oh my god, into the cloud of bats. Yeah. Oh my god.

And as they run away, uh, Fenton shrieks like that high-pitched nine-year-old shriek. And he's like, You're next, Kassarin! You're next, Kassarin! Nice one. Amazing. And they all burst out of the pool. They're all screaming. They were trying to be sneaky because it's after dark, illegal kid times, but they just are screaming as they run through the pool. And the bats dissipate. And the smoke dissipates. And the smoke dissipates. Guys, that was really scary.

Yeah, that might have been a little over the top. That scared the shit out of me. Oh god! Jesus, Jesus! He's like hanging from the ceiling. Upside down, yeah. That's what that feels like. I'll taste my own medicine. I've done my job. Good job, kids. If you ever need the Batman, you know where to find me. Okay, thanks, man. In the night. Okay. And he, uh, zips back up into the ceiling. He might not be the Batman that we want, but he's the one that we got. He was the one that we needed.

The whole time. The one we deserve. And we look around and we realize that the bats that he gave us were actually just rats that he had taped wings to. His little kites. And we cut to the darkness, the shadows, the catacombs, as the Batman reaches up and removes his cowl, and it's just the Ratman. Works every time. That's great. The Ratman's is like, double the product, double the profit. What profit? For no money. For free. Yeah, he gave it to us for free.

This way I get to give away a rat twice. So Kesserin is well and truly, we cut to Kesserin's room. She's, like, bone white, chattering, can't sleep, terrified. Whoa. And we montage of her and, like, do we think this… Makes Kesserin be like, I can't date Seamus anymore? Or does it make Seamus be like, I can't be with Kesserin anymore? Cause that feels like… Oh yeah. That's more of what it is, right? Yeah.

Yeah, okay, then we see the next day, the camera sees them talking to each other, sitting on a fountain, and Kesserin puts her hands in her face and starts crying. Oh. And Seamus gets up and walks away. Whoa. And we're like, yes! Yeah. And he stops and he looks back for a second. And he keeps walking. We're up on the mezzanine. I know you asked us earlier, it's the camera. Just eating nachos. Cool. Yeah, so it looks like your goal has been accomplished. Ugh, can we fill in our clock? Yes! Yay!

Fuck yeah, we broke them up. There we go. Nice, and we didn't get caught. Nope. So the last thing, the last part of this job is to attend the Sadie Hawkins dance and reveal that Clover is alive to Seamus. The goal is to get… Clover and Seamus together now? Yeah, so what's… What does Clover want out of this? It was just to break up Kesserin and Seamus. I think she just wanted to break them up because she's so mad about Kesserin doing all this. Yeah. Scheming. Yeah.

But also that feels like there's a little bit of an undercurrent of jealousy. Yeah, there is jealousy. Absolutely. Yeah. Like, does Clover want everybody to know that she's alive? Um, I think it would be kind of funny to, like, reveal that Clover's not dead, but also that, like, turn everyone on Kesserin and be like, she's behind all this. Oh, yeah. And she broke the rules. She broke the rules. Alright, so, next. Two days after, uh, the Bat pool party, uh, the Sadie Hawkins…

Which it has forever come to known to be the Bat pool party. People shudder. I was gonna say the dark night. Oh, yeah. Like an event. Yeah, that's right. And kids have been passing the story back and forth. God. Yeah. And it's escalated, sorry. Flashlights. Alright. In the mirror? Yeah. Dark night, dark night. And then sometimes, what do you want? So what is the, so what has the story become by the time it's gotten passed around?

Uh, maybe it's that Clover was skinned alive by Tina Derger, and then resurrected by a six-foot tall bat man. Who turned her into like a kind of walking zombie thing? Yeah. Clover's, uh, skeleton wanders the mall. Yeah. No skin. Which is just kinda true. And she comes for you if you tell. If you tattle. Yeah, and the chains, the sound of the chains are the chains of truth. Yeah. Rattling and trying to break themselves. That's deep. Yeah. And we've been pumping it up too.

Oh, I bet you both are very popular now, like everyone wants to hear your take on it. Oh, right. Oh, yeah. And we're all like, man, I don't know, Clover was always sorta connected to like, ghosts and spirits stuff. Some real woo-woo shit, everyone knows that. She drank so much kombucha, I think that's why she was able to come back from the dead, cause she had the mother inside of her. I don't, I don't wanna say that. It wasn't the mother still alive.

I don't wanna say that she was cursed, but she certainly talked about a curse a lot. Like every month she talked about this curse. Alright. Oh my god. What's up everybody, it's your boy Borbo Borbom Borblo, and I'm trying to go on tour with my band B4, the Burly Beach Bod Bros, and we've got some sponsors that we need to play to raise tour funds. Check em out. Are you a budding detective? A wannabe do-gooder? Or just have an eye for detail?

Are you looking for a task that will be both rewarding and help those in need? Then please, help me. I'm stuck in the service elevator behind the Caprice Theater. I tried to pry the door open with my keys, but I dropped them down a hole and just made it worse. Please hurry. Welcome Trainers, my name is Luis. And I am Chris. We welcome all Trainers new and old to the Purify Podcast. We rant about Pokemon Go, a game we love just as much as everybody else.

We like to talk news, updates, and our own experience of gameplay. If you want real opinions about how we play and how we love this game, this is the podcast for you. Check us out on your favorite podcast feed. Well I think all of that stuff sounds pretty sick, and I would buy it all. Now. Is that it? Have I fulfilled my contractual obligation? Yeah, you can leave. Okay, great. Bye. Okay, bye. Alright, so then the Night of the Sadie Hawkins Dance arrives.

It's gonna take place in the hardware store known as the Light Depot that also has toilets. Yeah. Um, we're helping Franklin get dressed up. Yeah. For his Mindy date. What do you think? Left part? Right part? No part. Half part? Mid part. Under part? Back part. I mean, I think no part is the coolest move. He puts his hair up and just lets it fall, man. It does not. It doesn't fall at all. It looks like Fido died out.

And Fenton is actually quite good at knowing how to like, clean up because he came from like a rich household. So like, when you're like asking about your hair, he just climbs up and gives you kind of like a lick and like a uh, fold over. He's just like, you should just try and look nice for once. What do you mean nice? I mean, this is, I don't know what nice is. She just wants you to be nice. Well, what's nice? You make me look nice. Here.

And then so I kind of like, I slick his hair to the side. So it's kind of like- Smells like sour cream. Sorry. Sorry. But it will hold better. I slick it to the side so it's neater and then I take one of my ties from my disguise kit and I put it like around his neck and he decided to wear like a ripped off sleeve shirt but I was like you should put a blazer over top of that. So I've sewn blazer arms onto my ripped off t-shirt. My tux t-shirt. With um, blazer arms. Wow. You look, you look nice.

Thank you. This is nice. I look nice? Yeah, there's something about it that just says that's nice. Maybe it's my two watches. I think so. The symmetry is nice. Yeah, these things are right four times a day. And I give you um, one of my paper mache moths and I've turned it into like a corsage kind of thing. Oh man. Thank you. Yeah, I think she'll like that. She's afraid of bugs. But thank you. Uh, and Clover obviously is not officially attending. Is Fenton going?

Yeah, Penny asked me like three weeks ago. I've been planning to go this whole time. Alright, nice. So what's Fenton wearing? He's wearing like a cummerbund with long tails. Like a tuxedo with like a cummerbund long tails. Um, like tuxedo shirt with like the pleats in the middle. And uh, but he's still wearing the high collared vampire cloak. Yeah. So there's tails and a cape. Yeah. He's got a pretty long train behind him actually. He keeps getting caught in revolving doors.

Yeah I was thinking that he had like a, he had a tuxedo jacket that was like a tuxedo jacket that was like a tuxedo jacket that was like a fitted for him but the tails of a grown man. Fitted for him but the tails of a grown man. Fitted for him but the tails of a grown man. He's just dragging like four foot of tail behind him. He's just dragging like four foot of tail behind him. Yeah. And a kilt. Yeah. And then formal kilt. Formal kilt fancy shoes. Yeah. And then formal kilt.

Formal kilt fancy shoes. Wow. Looks great. Now that's nice. Wow. Looks great. Now that's nice. Thanks. Here, I got you this and he went upstairs and grabbed some plants from the mezzanine you know in our apartment. Oh thank you. Some night blooming orange blossoms. That's really nice. For Penny. Penny's afraid of flowers. Yeah. She's afraid of flowers though. So we just trade. This is actually perfect. And what's Clover wearing for her inevitable reveal?

She's put on a nightgown from like one of the Victorian clothes piles. Oh beautiful. And I have brushed my hair out for once. So like are you gonna wear the blonde wig or? I thought I'd just go like this like au naturel. Yeah. But maybe you should consider wearing the blonde wig. I mean I don't know. The blonde wig just doesn't feel like me. Cool. Are you gonna keep the blonde wig or are you just gonna throw it in the garbage? Hey guys. Yeah bud. You're being weird. Sorry. That's fine.

Just like uh stop. Dibs on the wig. You gotta trust me on this. You stop now. Yeah I don't know. I think I look pretty cool like this. Like a ghost. Yeah but alive. Yeah but alive. Cool. I'm not gonna take the mushroom again. That was too gross. That was pretty gross. Okay so she's wearing a nightgown. A Victorian nightgown. Like you know with the billowy sleeves. Yeah. Spooky. Yeah. Yeah. You look really good. Oh thank you. Your hair looks really nice. Thank you.

I hear uh Franklin I learned how to do paper folding and I made this rose. Thanks. And then I like put it in my hair I guess. It looks good. Yeah. Okay. And uh Greg has rolled over and he's like you kids look great. You kids look great. You guys look really good. Y'all look amazing. Really? You do. You look so good. Do I look like a ghost? You look like a terrifying ghost. Like a beautiful young woman who also tragically died. Thank you Greg. And he's like alright everybody get together.

Come on. Get in close. Oh Greg this is so embarrassing. Get in close. No. We get in close. Okay. And he pushes a button on the arm of his chair and on an articulated arm a camera pops out. It goes right up in front of his face. It goes okay everybody smile. Everybody smile. Cheese. Big flash bulb. And it bzzzt out the side. It's a Polaroid. Okay cool. And he wags it and goes that's beautiful. Alright do a silly one now. Okay. Okay. Oh silly. And Fenton's taking out the cane sword. Too silly.

Too silly. Paul is doing a jerk off into his mouth. Also known as a mouth drop aka a blow drop. I mean. Wow. You know the whole encyclopedia. Also known as a mouth jab. I know all the sex words. Okay then yeah Greg gets his picture. Borebo's like alright kids I think I'm gonna have to leave you alone for this one. I think you're on your own. Kids only. I hear ya. Yeah. Be weird for me to go. Yeah. Yeah. But good luck. Let me know how it goes. Okay. Will do.

I hope you scare the shit out of everyone. Thank you. I'll do my best. Good luck with your job hunt tonight. Thanks. And where he's standing he just tips all the way forward into like a dead man's push ups and he just starts working out on the floor. Wow. And you guys head to the Sadie Hawkins dance. You head to the light depot. Where in the mall is the light depot? I guess in the like hardware section. Yeah near, kinda near Rick's Ropes. Yeah totally. Which is perfect.

A perfect place to humiliate Kesrin Ropes. Oh right. Totally. And so Rick's Rope is hanging above all of the stores on this section. Yeah. What are some other stores? Nails, nails, nails. Yeah. Larry's Lumber. Been there done that. Garbage bins. Garbage bins. Best prices you ever saw and they sell saws. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Good idea. What else? Great Canadian Spear buck store. Yeah spear buck store.

Great Canadian That was started by a Canadian gym teacher who fell through a portal into Spell or Universe. But all those stores are closed right now. Cause it is evening. Everything's after dark. And there's, but there are a bunch of kids like going to the light depot and they're all kinda dressed really nice. Yeah. This is like a cute thing. They're like people walking like hand in hand. Arm in arm. Nervously not touching each other like the whole deal. And you see Fenton and Franklin.

You arrive and you see Penny and Mindy waiting for you. On opposite sides. Not together. Alright buddy. Good luck. Good luck. We shake hands. Cause this is what friends do. Franklin you see Mindy and she's wearing a very like Blonde wig. Sadly not. But she has like dark curly hair and it's kinda like up and a little like poof on top of her head. Cute. And she's wearing a pink dress that's like a young girl dance dress. Pink and then it poofs out at the bottom in sort of like a bell shape.

And she. Somebody convinced her to dress nice too. Yeah exactly. She looks kind of uncomfortable being dressed this nice but she's dressed very nice. And Fenton, Penny is dressed like a cactus. Oh whoa. But it's like a cool looking cactus costume. God. Yeah. She's even got like one arm pointed up and one arm pointed down. Fuck me. She waves at you with her arm that's pointed up. And then with the one arm pointed down. She waves with the other hand too.

And I run up to her and I high five the arm that's pointed up. Cactus! And I put the I put the corsage the moth corsage on her wrist. Oh that's nice. It looks like a cactus flower. Oh cool. I love cactuses. I I think it's cool that you dressed up like this. I do too. I pick her up because she can't move on her own and I waddle her in. And Mindy's standing there. And she's got like a little thing of flowers. Ah hey. Hi. These are for you. Ohhhh. They smell terrific. Thanks. I grew them. You did?

Yeah. You can grow things? Yeah I have a little garden outside my window. I grew you this. And it's very big. Corsage. Like it's really big. It's like a Of the night blooming orange blossoms? Yeah. It's like ferns coming out of it. A bunch of greenery. Yeah. She sniffs it. It's like wow. Here let me let me. Yeah yeah please. And he goes to like pin it on her and he's like oh oh it's like really oh not there. And you guys are really close for a second and she's like wow.

Her knuckles like scrape against each other and you can hear it audibly like but it's still really romantic. Oh ow. Uh thanks for thanks for um coming to the dance with me. Thanks for asking. You look nice. You look nice. Shall we? And then he does like a little dance thing. And she giggles and takes your hand. Pirouette it. Amazing. Uh so you head into the light depot. Um there are a bunch of kids milling about. There's food on one side like punch and snacks.

Catered by the various food places in the mall. Uh all of the lights are on. There's a bunch of lamps. There's a bunch of like uh fluorescent tube lights on the ceiling. But there are also like Christmas lights and string chili lights. It's kinda like you know how they put like artwork up at a party. Like a rich person party. So that people will mill around and kinda talk about the different kinds of artwork. Yeah. That's what the kids are doing. They're like I really like this one.

Fluorescent lights. I'm kinda really into fluorescent lights right now. That's kinda what I'm about right now. I like these little mason jar ones. These little mini mason jar lights. And yeah one of the kids who uh whose parents own the light depot is acting like the artist in residence. Oh yeah when I put uh this light next to this light I thought they just um looked next to each other. So I like to really play with the medium of the things that my parents own.

This one really speaks to my uh childhood in the Alps. And then uh you hear you hear toilet flush in the background. No those are for display only. Excuse me. Pardon me. Pardon me. Excuse me. Yeah there is and in the middle of the room is a bunch of toilets. That everybody's kind of milling about. They've turned one into a chocolate fountain. No one is touching it. Yeah. Uh but yeah the dance is going on and anything in particular you wanna. We didn't come up with a plan how we're gonna do this.

Let's do it now. Clover? Yep. Oh um. Yeah where's Clover at? Clover is hiding in the darkness. There's not a lot of that too. In the light depot. Like I'm um sort of around I'm tucked into like a little alley way uh between one of the other shops that's nearby. Nice. Everything's dark cause everything's closed and I'm waiting for you two to come out. Um to talk about the plan. Okay. Okay. So we come into that back alley. We give each other like a big obvious nod from across the table. Yeah.

Yeah and then I put a penny on a turntable where I'm just like Wow. She was like Wow. Mindy keep an eye on Penny would you? Okay yeah. I'll be right back. Penny try and sit upright. And you guys are in an alley kind of behind the yeah behind the light depot. How do you wanna do this? So are we so the plan the thing that we're shooting for is that she gets crowned you get crowned queen of the dance?

I thought the plan was that Clover was going to reveal herself as being alive at an opportune time and then reveal that Vessarin was the one that ratted her out. Yeah I didn't I didn't think that there was like a king and queen of the Sadie Hawkins dance. I thought there was I didn't know but I thought that there we could do all of those together. Maybe one of you did bring the wig. Oh. And then it's like I'll walk around with this blonde wig and people will be like who is she? Right totally.

Yeah. Yeah. I love it. Or like Fenton and Franklin can be like excuse me ting ting ting ting ting excuse me everybody. Oh yeah. You know like get everybody's attention. She's actually not here. Here she is. Alright guys have a good night. Or maybe there's no actual king and queen of the dance. But we come out and we're like We'll make crowns. We make crowns. We'll make crowns. With macaroni and glitter. Alright I like it.

Alright so that's the plan is that we announce that we have chosen a king and queen of the dance. Our friend who's walking around. And the king is Seamus and then the queen that we reveal. The new kid. Yeah. Okay and then that's when I pull off the blonde wig. Yeah totally. On stage. Okay so while Yes king and queen is back. We've done it. I knew we could find this. Now that Clover's walking around in the dance what's Clover doing? She's hanging out by the snack table as usual.

Old habits are hard to break. I guess. She's watching Kesrin's group. Oh yeah. Trying to stay out of her her line of sight. And you hear she's quite a pest isn't she? And it's the Hopperstone twins. Um I mean I don't know her that well. Well even if you don't know her that well you know her kind very well. We all do. And what is that? People that think that they have more power than they do. I can get on board with that yep.

And they both take like a like a cocktail weiner on a toothpick and they look at it and they swirl it like a glass of wine. Clover does the same. Yes. And they pop it in their mouths simultaneously. They're both talking at the same time. They pop it in each other's mouth. Perhaps it's time that someone take her down a peg or two wouldn't you say? Yes I would say. Well good luck to you then. Thank you. And they both wink at you.

I wink back and then I look at you two from across the room and I'm like it's time. Okay cool. Franklin just walks up when Finn is trying to get everyone's attention. Yeah yeah yeah. And Franklin just walks up and grabs the music bottles that are playing and smashes them on the ground. Hold on everybody listen to my little friend. They explode cause music bottles explode when you smash. Everybody screams for a second and turns to see what's going on. It sounds like when you like just feedback.

Yeah. Hey everybody we have an announcement to make. As you all know that the Cooltree kids have been mourning the loss of our good friend and in memoriam to her we've decided to take it upon ourselves to create a sort of king and queen to the Sadie Hawkins dance. King and queen. King and queen. And so it is with great deliberation and many days of thought. Great number of counting wonderfully high numbers of ballads that everyone submitted in the mall. Totally real ballads.

Everyone's like Did you vote? I didn't vote. That we have decided to crown the king of the Sadie Hawkins dance to be Seamus. And then like a spotlight gets put on Seamus. It's a hobnob. Franklin Franklin's in the audience like barging through the crowds. Come on, come on, come on. Roughing them up, pushing them up on stage. Everybody clap your hands. Clap your hands. The king Seamus. King Seamus.

And everybody like all the kids do kind of start clapping as Seamus looks around very confused and he puts like a quesadilla king from like there's a restaurant and it's just like a paper crown with macaroni and sparkles on it. Perfect. And and. The queen of the Sadie Hawkins dance. Everyone's like Oh. I'm all nervous like I hope it's me. I don't remember what goes next actually. I don't remember our plan. Do I stay or go? Am I supposed to be here? Why am I wearing this gown? I look so stupid.

Oh no. No you got that. Is Clover Ivy Fern and then we point. Spotlight. Yeah. And I look up and my wig falls off. Gasps all throughout the room. Some people scream. One person faints. And Franklin quickly grabs the wig and stuffs it in his shirt. And I walk up to Seamus. And mouth slack. It's true. I'm not dead. Obviously. Standing right here. We all went to your funeral. That was ours. Yeah it was ours. We accidentally told you guys she was dead.

We didn't actually know it was a funeral until half way through. There was a coffin. We were having a coffin party. You guys just took it upon yourselves to assume it was a funeral. You said funeral multiple times. No I think we said fun-eral. But But what happened? There's a lot you don't know. But it all starts out with Kester and the ropes. There's another spotlight. And she's standing there shaking in her boots cause she sees the specter. She's been terrified of this last week.

Franklin goes Boo Kester. Yes. Boo. I wasn't caught like any normal cool treat kid would have been. They didn't find me. They were tipped off. Kesterin broke the golden rule. She told on me. She told on her. She told on her. And then everybody turns to look at Kesterin and she's like no. It's true. No. No I swear it's not true.

And not only is that did Kesterin tattle on Clover but her mom is also planning to bulldoze the sugar shack and a bunch of our hideouts so that they can redevelop it or something. She's trying to ruin the food court. The food court? That's where we get food. That's where all our hideouts are. And then we start chanting Tattle tale. Tattle tale. Tattle tale. Tattle tale. No. Tattle tale. Tattle tale. Tattle tale. I'll make sure that no one here even sees a rope ever again.

And she starts crying and she runs out of the Sadie Hopkins dance. She pulls out a grappling hook and swings away. Whaaaaa. And I in the meantime had to hide to protect my own life. It's true. But I'm here now Seamus to tell you the truth. I hope you can forgive me. Sorry while you're saying this I just want to slowly put the queen tiara on you. Franklin's putting the tiara on you. Thanks Franklin. Of course I forgive you.

Clover I just want to say that ever since I thought you were brutally murdered. I really had some time to reflect on how I treated you. I'm sorry that I tried to hide our relationship. I was too concerned with my own reputation as a hot meat boy to see myself as lowering myself to be seen with a cool treat kid. But now I know that the only way that us kids are going to get through our lives in this mall is together. Do you forgive me? He puts out his hand. I forgive you. And I take his hand.

Oh I open a bottle of the Titanic soundtrack. And yeah the music starts and Seamus walks you out to the dance floor. Okay. And he starts to. Everybody parts. All spotlights in the middle. He starts to dance with you. If you dance with him. I will dance with you Seamus. I don't know how but I will try. It's beautiful he's like twirling you slowly you know a very waltzy kind of dance. And then Mindy approaches Franklin. She says may I have this dance? You may have every dance.

And she leads you out onto the dance floor. And it's very beautiful. And uh Penny hops over to Fenton. Fenton. Yeah? I'm a cactus. You're my cactus Penny. And you lead her out onto the dance floor. Yeah and I grab her and pull her close. And she gets stabbed a bunch of times. Cause she used really sharp stuff to make her outfit. And then you walk her out onto the dance floor and all the kids all converge on the floor and everybody's dancing with one another. It's a very beautiful moment.

The camera rises up. Another water ball. Ninety nine saysh la felons. Ninety nine saysh la felons. The hobnoblin pulls a rope and a bunch of balloons fall down on her. How many? Maybe ninety nine. That is where we're gonna end. This has been Spellmore Mall Brats. I have an idea for a post credit scene. Because I forgot to do the thing that I was gonna do. And about five minutes of credits go by and then most people have left the theater at this point.

The camera keeps raking up all through the different strata of the mall towards the roof. It settles on a home that is suspended from ropes. The ropes residence. And Kesserin is sitting in her mother's office crying. And her mother says Well Kesserin, I can assure you that all of these grubby little kid gangs and the disgusting part of the mall that they live in will be bulldozed before too long. Dun dun dun. Cut to black. Is that a cool thing? Yeah that's great.

I even imagine like you don't see her mom. I know we've seen her mom before. But I imagine just like leg like. Yeah. Kind of cross leg and then like a bottle of wine being poured into a glass. Totally. Like giant glass. Yeah. And then just like the hand holding the glass. Love it. And then we reveal her face to somebody very famous. It's like gruff shmuslimism. Somebody super shmuslim. And it's in and her mom is like I think it's time that I start teaching you the ways of the wine moms.

They're called the vineyard. We're called the vineyard. And then it cuts to black and it says the cool treat kids will return in the Avengers Endgame. 2019. That brings us to the end of this episode. Spoutmore Mall Brats. Thank you so much for joining us everybody. We played World of Blades by Dwaam Figueroa based on Blades in the Dark by John Harper. So you can find both of those games online. They're excellent. Thank you to Samuel Quinn Morris for our intro and outro music.

Amazing to hear every single time. Love it. And thank you to you our supporters. Without Hoompsed this show would not happen. So thank you. Thank you so much and we'll catch you next time. See you next time. See you next time.

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound Their wares are famously tasty Here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets She has a corn dog addiction Benton's the sly, she sleeps the same And writes vampire fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends Endless in clothes For the tale's about to start Alright, welcome to Spoutmore Mall Brats I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara Joining me as always playing Fenton Beasley This last week I'm your host, Sean O'Hara A bag of bats from someone they met That Jessica just offhandedly introduced Called The Batman And stole a jello shroom fragment from Greg To turn Clover translucent at a key point Got some Victorian swimwear In the form of old-timey jail outfits Because Clover didn't know what a swimsuit was Oh yeah, we were dressed up and weren't nary seen Yeah, yeah Yeah And the smoke machine Powered by Randy Beefs, the elf Yeah Yeah, we met the Batman Which was a great opportunity for me to workshop My Christian Bale impression Awesome And Kessaron Ropes And all of the other pixie sticks Nog, Wild Nog was there Penny was there, unfazed Yeah And they were all absolutely terrified Because Clover emerged from the fog And a wall of bats With chains drangling Chains drangling And an absolutely translucent head With her skull and eyeballs The visible man And her And absolutely monstrously terrorized these kids Breaking up Seamus and Kessaron And then following that We joined our friends at the Sadie Hawkins dance Franklin had been asked by his erstwhile love interest Minty Cart to attend the dance with him Fenton revealed that Penny had asked him to the dance weeks ago She asked me every time I asked her if she wanted to dance with me Every day for like six weeks And I said yes every day She just kept asking And Clover prepared to reveal herself Through the use of a blonde wig Which she effortlessly used to infiltrate this group Everybody apparently only recognizes Clover by her lavender hair Honestly that makes sense Because it's such a defining character thing That it's like if you saw Clover with like blonde hair You'd just be like It's just a blonde haired girl Actually that raises a question I've actually thought about Are there any other kids in the mall with lavender hair?

I've never seen anyone with lavender hair Nope It's super rare I was just curious about it Because I know it's natural And it's cool Sweet Franklin smashed a music bottle Said hey everybody look over here Oh yeah And Fenton and Franklin revealed That they had chosen King and Queen of the Sadie Hawkins dance Introduced the premise of King and Queen of the Sadie Hawkins dance Confusing and alluring All of the kids at the dance To the dance And Clover said A lot of hurried like adjustments to their outfits Like okay here we go I hope it's me Crowning Seamus Seamason And then surprisingly Clover Ivy Fern Who revealed herself Yes as not dead As not dead Further terrifying Kessaron Robes Who was then revealed to have ratted out Clover Breaking the golden rule amongst The High Spear Mall's kid gangs Don't tell Nobody tells me Tells Yeah She's been outed as a tattletale She ran off home screaming and crying Yeah And then confided in her mother Member of the vineyard That the Cool Treat Kids had been the reason for her downfall Yeah And we got perhaps a glimpse at the future of the Sugar Shack And the Cool Treat Kids themselves And that is where we find our kids now It's been a couple days Maybe a week or two Since the Darkest Night And the Sadie Hawkins dance Have Seamus and Clover Continued this relationship?

Yes Wow Yeah I know Dating for real I know Exciting How's that been for Clover? Um She's playing it off like it's no big deal But she's very excited inside She's gone through three diaries In the last week Diarrhea Amazing And what have What's Franklin been up to?

I was gonna say Also Seamus is being like Almost two PDA After his thing of like Not being P enough Right Cause Seamus was like Sorry Seamus was like I'm sorry that I blew you off like that If we're going to get through our lives in this mall All the kids have to work together Yeah So he's been very upfront about the fact That he is now dating Clover Ivyford Telling too many people Yeah Yeah Everyone that comes to the corndog stand He's like I just want you to know that I love Clover Ivyford And I'm taken And it's an old man that's like Just give me my fucking corndogs You little freak Yeah If your corndogs weren't the best in this mall I wouldn't put up with this shit It got to the point where Borbo had to go to the stand And he was like Look Clover is still wanted You can't keep telling people that you are dating her Yeah And what has Franklin been up to now That he's had a date with Mindy He put up He put up Posters with little tear offs In all the In around where he knows where all the gangs Hang out Of like We gotta do this together It's like Fight together Fight together Together we are strong He has like a picture of One pencil broken And then a whole bunch of pencils that are unbroken He's like We can be a bunch of pencils that don't get broken Take Take one And then he's been Going around and training And training with all the different gangs Fettering them up and making friends A lot of those posters are getting torn down I'm gonna say that right now Like you You put as many as you can up And you notice that maybe a quarter of them are getting through Yeah Corb Could be I feel like it's probably the food court Cause we're It really could be anybody Like if we're starting a union The food And the food court doesn't know why They're just like Whoa Like what the fuck are the kid gangs doing What's uh What's Fenton been up to Now that he had his uh His hand in ruining One of their many rivals Kessler and Robes He's really gotten a taste for ruining people's lives Whose life has he ruined in the meantime Uh no one No one He's not doing any of that But he is um I think maybe Uh He's kind of following Penny's lead Uh Who's following Seamus' lead In terms of the PDA department Oh So there's a lot of Uh Public make out sessions Make out?

Why? The budget With a couple nine year olds How old do people start making out?

I didn't make out at nine That's for sure I mean I remember it being a kissy time But I don't think it was a make out Yeah It's like Like Make Quote unquote make out A lot of kissing Once every 20 seconds To him it's like We both have a kiss We've been making out pretty hard But it's a lot just It's like holding hands Yeah totally It's 100% what that That is And also like It's the kind of thing that Penny Sort of just worn him down He's like I guess we're dating then Like Cause he likes her It's not bad He likes her And he's fine And like There He's like kind of into Everything that she's about Cause she's so weird And he's into all of that But it's just like He was always just like I'm sort of like I don't know I don't want to date her really But then I also don't know What the difference between What we're doing right now is And dating Well it's funny too Cause both his friends Are now seeing people And they're going out on dates So it's like One of those things too You're like I'm dating someone too Yeah So that's part of why Cause he was like I need someone to hang out with When these guys are out on dates And also When they're out on like Double dates I don't want to just be like A fifth wheel Yeah And Penny always comes So I guess Technically we're dating Cause we always keep going on dates We keep going on triple dates With people I'm dating this fifth wheel I like the idea that That Fenton was like Wow I think I like Penny And then he started dating And knowing what it was like Being in a relationship And he's like Maybe I don't like people Maybe I just don't want to be Relationshiped at all Awesome So we are in downtime That's what's going on Everybody Welcome to downtime First things first Pay off in coin I don't know if this was a job That you got paid for necessarily Or do we think that maybe There was like Some Some coins coming in From the other kid gangs When they heard that you were organizing I think maybe what it is Is the pixie sticks have disbanded So we've absorbed their territory Oh That's cool I like it Yeah because they've been ousted From like the kid gangs Yeah Like they're not allowed To operate anymore This actually helps Cause in my head Planning for the future When we start playing Blades in the Dark This is you guys Locking down your initial territory Cause there is a territory game In Blades in the Dark Where you can like Take over different parts of the mall Cool And you guys are building An actual gang gang With like Multiple kids Yeah You guys are actually You're accidentally becoming A Blades in the Dark crew Cool An actual gang That's sick Okay so let's say You got Six coin Sweet Worth Six coin worth of money And then you have One worth of spear bucks To kind of Spread amongst yourselves Oh And remember You can spend one coin To buy an extra Downtime action Oh Yeah So we all take two?

Yeah let's each take two And putting them in the actual Like coin section Of your sheet Is important Because that two Is the amount That you can have on you I have two from last time Yeah Same Which means that you would Have to spend up to two Or they would just Or put them in the The crew stash Or they just kind of Go away I'll put one in the crew stash Yeah I'll put Both mine in the crew stash Okay I'll put I'll put one in the crew stash And do an extra Downtime activity Uh cool So then we're gonna roll Entanglements Uh We're gonna roll one die Plus one die If the target was high profile Amongst the kids Kind of But Do we think that counts enough?

Like the pixie sticks Are fairly They're pretty high profile Yeah And we know that they're Entangled with the wine mums The vineyard True Alright So One more die And also Like the relationship Between Seamus And!

Kestrel Was quite high profile Everybody was talking about it That is true TMZ Yeah Plus one die If the score was loud and chaotic Um I mean the Not really Yeah The scaring was though Yeah That's true But it wasn't like so much a It was on secret time Smash and grab on the street You know what I mean? Yeah Okay So two dice So we're gonna roll 2d6 Who's gonna roll it? You wanna roll? Sure For entanglements Roll em Holy shit Six and Four Wow Nice Okay Is that good? No You want it low Oh god What?

You guys know I've been rolling the worst He's like Hey you broke your streak You broke it You broke your streak And fucked us Is there anything I can do?

No This is just kind of Uh How things Progress Fuck Uh So the two choices here We get this one a lot Which almost makes me want you to Want to do something else But it's the crew gets interrogated Or suffers reprisals It feels like a reprisal Kind of Right Cause Kessarin went to her mom Okay so what happens is You're all hanging out in the tunnels In Greg's tunnel And Borbo comes ripping down the corridor On his skates And he's like Oh my god Kids Oh no I'm so sorry Oh my god it's awful It's horrible What happened?

I just I don't know I don't know how we're gonna Oh my god Oh my who was it? He's got his hand on his side How did they die? No Oh my god Let me see the wound And he pulls his hand off his side And he's got a piece of paper Oh it's terrible Paper? It says zoning on the front of it Okay Right? Development What does this mean?

Greg rolls up on his chair Greg rolls forward And he takes it from uh From Borbo And he looks at it And he goes Oh they're They're zoning your uh Your sugar shack What does that mean? Oh cool Means it's being zoned for uh Residential They're gonna tear it down Tear it down? What the fuck?

They're gonna tear it down And they're gonna build Condominiums Whatever the fuck those are Let me see that He hands it And I read it So it says Application submitted by Tanya Ropes LLC Fucking son of a bitch Fuck Tanya Ropes Kessarin's mom Fucked us from a distance She's trying to get rid of our Fucked us from a distance Fucking house Capitalist pig I knew it We have to go protect our home We can't let them win But what are we gonna do?

We can't beat zoning regulations No Not alone Cut to Uh It's date night For the three of us The six of us? Yeah Um Where are we? Let's set the scene a little bit Oh we are at Chili's It's Thursday night It's Thursday night Yeah It's Chili's night It's our new poofs Yeah Um So I tell Seamus about What we found About Kessarin's mom Wanting to bulldoze our home Wow And it's only time before they come after your home too No The hot meat boys?

Yeah But how we're so powerful Yeah but you're now associated with us And they know you're on our side You think they give a shit about carts Mindy?

I mean I'm Rich Alright So I guess you are too Penny Yeah Wait Penny's mom is in the wine moms Oh Oh right Oh yeah Okay Right Penny doesn't know much about what's going on No She's got like a Like a chicken satay Like a stick with chicken on it And she's just like shoving it all the way into her mouth And then pulling all the chicken out Oh my god She's done that about three or four times Ow Those are sharp Penny Uh huh She's biting the Stick off Stick off Stick off Stick off Stick off Stick off Well then What are you gonna do?

You mean what are we gonna do?

Yeah This is all of our problems It's not just us It's not just you It's everyone All the kids in the mall Yeah if the wine moms get away with this Then they're gonna keep going Like We all live in dilapidated pieces of shit That are full of rats and garbage and shit And Those are prime targets for these Fucking Total Sluts Slags To turn into To turn into condominiums Whatever the fuck those are They sound scary Whatever they are Yeah You don't want the bourgeoisie Coming up in here Taking all of our good places What do you think life would be like If we didn't have our dilapidated homes and our rats?

Yeah Horrible Can you imagine our lives without rats? I mean where I live there's not a ton of rats I don't know What the fuck are you talking about dude? All the hot meat boys live in like an apartment building So Must be nice It is What if the wine moms come for your apartment building though? They wouldn't dare They might dare They would dare So what are we gonna do?

We have to fight together We have to come up with a plan I mean maybe there's something in the candy jungle that could stop them Candy jungle? You don't You don't mean the chocolate factory I do You've been in there?

Yeah Yeah a couple of times And also to shit a lot We've been in there to shit a lot And then we went Really far in one time Holy mackerel Yeah Basically go in there every day you know no big deal Yeah Wow You're so much braver than I thought you all were Thanks You especially Fenton Thanks I definitely am now realizing that that was sort of an insult Okay so what is the Is this a downtime activity? Or are we gonna see like a collection of downtime activities as you plan?

Can you use downtime to plan out this situation? Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah One of the downtime activities is gather information Oh that might be a good thing to do Yeah Yeah About like where they're sitting and what they're Cause wasn't there something else like Tina Durger's in on the buying? What else do we know about this buying situation?

You don't know much You know that they are making a deal with someone outside of the mall Do we know that they're going after something that they want deep in the chocolate factory?

Yes We know that The dark chocolate for sure The dank chocolate Yeah They want the dark chocolate in the chocolate factory And they are planning on rezoning Like they're going to do something like that Like the whole area that the chocolate factory is in So A they can get access to that during the like bulldozing renovations And then also they're going to turn it into like condos And sell that out so that they can then usurp the food court I think is like what Tina Durger's plan is Yeah Yeah And yeah that's why she's like hooked up with the vineyard to like be their kind of go between Yeah What if we got hold of some of that dank chocolate?

That dark chocolate? Yeah Yeah!! I would give it a give give give Because right now they're getting little bits of it. It's like black truffles. And it's associated with fancy restaurants. If McDonald's had a black truffle and french fries, nobody would give a shit. Flood the market. Okay. If somebody spends a gather information on this, I'll give you some info. I will spend a gather information on it. Okay. So you ask around. You ask Penny.

You go to Penny's house and you dig around in her mom's shit, which she's not around. And a large part of the reason why the vineyard is so wealthy is because of this super rare dark chocolate. They get little bits of it and they control the supply of it. So the fact that it's like diamonds, the fact that it's so tightly controlled and hard to get, that's why they're so rich. So if you were to flood the market with this chocolate, it would seriously undercut one of their main sources of income.

And if they don't have that source of income, they wouldn't be able to like… Afford to demolish? Yeah. Afford the territory that they're trying to demolish. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. So they fronted, they were like borrowing on blood diamond, blood chocolate. Blood chocolate. Pretty much. Like most rich people, it is a string of IOUs with nothing backing them up. Yeah. So we could make like shitty counterfeit, like black market chocolate. Maybe like call them like little turdlets or something.

Yeah, totally. Yeah. But that we have to go into, that we do have to go into the chocolate factory and mine it. And we could take our like select crew of weeds, pull together. I know we don't have everybody on our side yet, but we do have some of the people on some of our sides. Yeah. Yeah. Some people don't hate us. Like Greg. Greg will help us. Yeah. Seamus? I'm in. Seamus is in. Penny? I'm a cactus. Penny's a cactus. That's kind of in.

And I know Doris would fucking help with this because she's… Oh God, we got to talk to Doris about this. This is like way above our hands. Oh yeah, we should tell Doris about all this. And what about you, Mindy? I don't know. This sounds pretty intense. But I, I mean, I guess I could probably at least get you all like a cart, like a goat cart. Will that help? That could probably help. That would help. It would help us like truck a lot of it out of the fucking chocolate factory. Yeah.

Maybe something with a roll cage in case we get jumped by a licorice velociraptor or something. I don't know. I'm just making that up. Okay. If somebody, uh, if somebody ticks a thing. She says somebody, uh, somebody in Frank, Franklin closes his eyes and like slowly moves in for a smooch. Yeah. If somebody marks the thing off to gain an asset. I'll do that because it's, she's my, I'm, I'm, yeah, I'm like trying to, um, how many like of these slots do we have to tick off? Oh, sorry.

No, it's not a clock. This is a downtime activity. So you're using one of those downtime activities to gain temporary access to an asset. Okay. Which is the goat carts. Yeah. Uh, you have two normally, and then you can spend coin to get further downtime activity. So I'm, I spent that coin, that kind of gather information. That was a coin that I spent. So I still have two. Yeah. He has two left and you have one unless you spend money on more. Okay. I'll spend one coin on the Mindy. Get in a cart.

Cool. Yeah. And giving her that money helps her, you know, grease the wheels a little bit, make sure that she can pay people off. Like she's got, you know, one of her dad's friends, she just gives him some money. He's like, all right, here's a cart. Make sure that goes full up when you bring them back. Full up a what? Our goat stuff. I mean, there's all that candy grass. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, perfect. So you got a goat cart. Great. That's going to help.

We're in the process of planning an expedition into the chocolate factory. Yeah. Um, Safari. This is great. I want to recruit the rest of the hot meat boys to help us out. We have Seamus on our side. He's basically like, they're leaving. Yeah. Yeah. He's like the leader. Mm. Uh, that actually is not true. He said this multiple times. Yeah. I always forget it though. Seamus. He's like culturally their leader. He is. He's definitely the leader of like, uh, you know, like the mafia.

He's like the leader of a crew. He's like a cop. Oh, he has like his team, but he is down on the ladder. The hot meat boys. I think I, as I described them in Spout Lore and at the beginning of the show, is there a big gang with like, basically adults at the top, but they have younger members and by basically adults, I mean people in their late teens, early twenties. Okay. Uh, but Seamus definitely has a crew. He thinks that he could get his own crew to help out. Hell yeah. Sick.

Which, uh, that'll be another downtime activity, but you're going to have to talk to, we're going to have to, let's see a scene of this, I suppose. Okay. Okay. So I just want you all to know that these guys can be a little intense. There are a lot. All right. Fine. Let's do some pushups to like, pump ourselves up. That's a great idea. Cause I guarantee they're doing pushups in there. Okay. Actually, I'm going to hop down and he jumps down and he starts doing a bunch of knuckle pushups.

Are we in like a hallway outside of a, where are we? I think you're outside. What was the, what was their fortress? Their fortress is, isn't it in like the adventure land area? Yeah, it is. Is it? It's a fortress in Yesterland. Okay. So he's taking you to that place. Okay. So yeah, we, we dropped to the ground, like just in the middle of a, Yeah. Yeah. We're just wandering in the adventure and like a bunch of adults are walking around and we're like, what the fuck is wrong with these kids?

We gotta, we gotta stop coming to this mall. Cause of fucking weirdos. So we do our pushups. Okay. I feel brave enough now. All right, let's go. I sprained both my shoulders. How do you do that? No. You didn't try and do a real pushup, did you? I did. No. Fenton, you're not strong enough yet. By real pushup, I mean from my knees, but I did sprain both my shoulders. And my knees. I need somebody to keep me up. I need somebody to keep me up. I need somebody to keep me up.

I need somebody to carry me. I'll carry you. Okay, we carry you. Queen's chair. Yeah. We call it the Fenton chair. Carrying the Fenton chair. I'm gonna poo poo. And Seamus walks up to the door and he knocks once and then he knocks three times and then he stops and knocks one more time and then he runs his hand in the circle around the door and he slaps it a couple of times and then he barks and he goes, oh, and then a thing slides open. He's like, I wasn't sure you were going to get that. Right.

He's like, it's just me and some guests. And there's some whispering. And then he goes, just do it. Open the door. He slams it shut and then creak. You are welcomed into Fort Corn Dog. Oh, whoa. Holy shit. Look at all those corn dogs. Oh my God. Okay. Yeah. It's like in a fucking, uh, like movie about drug dealers. There's like, there's corn dogs coming down conveyor belts and people packing them up. And then they're like, oh, I'm gonna go get some corn dogs.

And then they're like, oh, I'm gonna go get some corn dogs. And then they're like, oh, they're like guys with like gloves on, like sticking the sticks and they're just like somebody off in the corner, like with chainsaws and like full gear, like a full suit of armor chainsaws and sticks down to like people counting like stacks of spear bucks and people eating corn dogs like quality testing. Wow. A real operation. Yeah. You guys have been here before. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And you rode a, uh, a cart off a roller coaster. Yeah. Into it. We're having flashbacks to that. So a bunch of hot meat boys look up at all of you and they're like glowering. Good afternoon all of y'all. I don't usually talk like that. I'm so sorry. I'm just nervous. And they're not listening to you. They're like working and Seamus stamps his foot and he's like, hey, listen up you fuckers. Whoa. Eyes up. Just hear them out. I love this woman. With all of my 13 year old heart. Continue. Okay.

We have a problem at our hands. And this affects all of us. All of us kids in the mall. The wine moms are coming for our homes. The wine moms. And one of them stands up and goes what do you mean? Why is this our problem? Well they're coming for ours first but what happens when they succeed? You know how the rich are. They're always hungry for more. It's true. It's true. And you know they're going to come for you next. Look at that conveyor belt. And those sticks.

The wine moms are going to want them for something. Not the sticks. Yeah. The Yesterland amusement park is on its last legs. You guys know that this is prime real estate for them to turn into like something called condominiums. Condominiums. Oh my god. None of us know what they are. From what we know there's something that can be sold off to the rich people and they may or may not live in them. But we don't know. Yeah.

And they'll be empty most of the time but somehow they'll go up in value like really fast. They're really really small and there's a lot of them. And they leak. Leaking? Yes. We need to fight this together. We don't want condominiums anywhere in the mall. We might not be able to stop progress but we can help shape it. One of them stands up and says How do I know I can trust you guys? We've been doing nothing but fighting with you all this time.

And Fenton goes I'll prove it to you by making a blood pack. And he takes a knife and cuts his hand. Wow! Wow! Blood brothers! No! That's good too! We trust you. My shoulders are sprained. I can't reach that far. Seamus takes the knife gently out of your hands. I second this papoose. Okay boys do you understand they're quite serious about working together. I got blood on my papoose. And they all kind of nod. They're like oh yeah. Okay. Okay. You's got a deal. We'll follow you boss.

And Seamus is like good. Good. Good. And. And scene. Yeah. So the hot meat boys this crew is going to help you out. You're going to have access to something called a cohort. Oh sick. Cool. A new thing. Yeah. In Blades in the Dark you're going to have temporary access to a cohort of. Wow we made friends for once. Yeah. I know right. So I checked off a box for my down time. For that. Perfect. Oh nice. Yeah.! Hey what's this button do? Do you have kids? Do you need to get away from them sometimes?

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Check out Dungeons and Randomness wherever you get your podcasts and join our incredible community for the adventure of a lifetime. Oh fuck shit. Holy shit that played a bunch of ads. Whoa what am I what is my voice coming over the sound system? Am I on the PA right now?

Okay so you're gonna have uh yeah you're gonna have access to a tier zero uh tier zero uh crew of thugs sick for the next job which means you can just kind of direct them around sweet yeah okay okay I have a thing I need to do all right what do you need to do and I'm talking to you guys and I'm like okay it's good that we got the hot meat boys on our side but I feel like to pull this off we're gonna need information and the hubberstone twins have always been like really cool with us and it feels like they're sort of on our side here yeah because there was that weird conversation that you had with them at the party yeah the sadie hawkins dance they they said that they they wished us luck or that they were on our side something like that I don't know it's safe if we talk to them and they saw that you were back and they didn't tell anybody no they I know they knew it was me even though I was pretending to be otherwise with this and he pulls the wig out of him yeah you don't have to carry it around anymore yeah well I mean I don't want to lose it it's not doing anything it weighs anything I'm pretty strong and I carry it what's one wig I'm a grown boy totally anyway we should probably talk to the twins you guys yeah okay because they they're kind of like rich rich kids right yeah they're rich kids and they hang out in an arcade so they would have like a different perspective from us too yeah yeah okay we go to them gather information it's a get together information for me yeah okay so what brings you here ski ball and I'm I'm still in the papoose uh we are kind of in a weird situation and I show them the zoning permit like do you guys know about this yeah we might have heard something what'd you hear we heard that there was a zoning permit oh anything else we're not in the business of giving away information for nothing so what do you want to know and what can you offer in exchange we need to know we need to know okay we'll tell you what we know and then you tell us what you know that is related to it how about that I think that sounds more than fair okay so what we know is that the wine moms are working with tina durger to redevelop the part of the mall that we live in and they also are doing it so that they can put something called condominiums there and also they are trying to do it to get access to a bunch of dark chocolate that is in the chocolate factory behind our sugar shack and we think that tina durger's trying to oust the food court and like and the wine moms are trying to do that too they put their hands up and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and give people snacks and they just both look at each other.

Okay. What the fuck was that? What's confer? Wait, can we try that? All three of the cool treat kids take turns staring at each other. Sorry. Oh, confer. So what would they know? What would they know? So you told them, and they're not going to tell you what they already knew. So that's something to keep in mind, because they do know a lot of stuff. You told them that the wine moms are pushing this development with an outside deal to get the capital and the influence to overthrow the food court.

You told them that Tina Durger is connected. She's kind of helping them out, unbeknownst to the food court and to mall security. Okay. So the Hubberstone twins, yeah, they look at each other for a second, and then they nod, and they turn back to you. Okay. So something that you need to know is that the food court is aware. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. The food court is making a play against their power base. Oh, fuck. Okay.

But something that you don't know is that the food court is too afraid to move against the vineyard at this time. What? Why? Why? There is, as always, much tension within the food court. They are always constantly working against and with one another. That's like us, the kid gangs. But we're learning how to be together and fight together. Maybe they can learn too. Maybe they can learn too. At this time, it is impossible for any of them to know who is a part of this plan and who is not.

So if we were to uncover who the liars are, then we could bring them together? We could close the loop of the food court. Interesting. It seems, from what we're able to find out, that the key to this plan currently is Tina Jerger herself. Right. Right. She might be the only person who knows who's on the up and up in the food court and who's in cahoots with the wine moms. She also, from what we are understanding, is slowly turning into a vampire.

And then you feel Fenton lock up with you in the Bjorn. All of your joints go back into place. No. That's how he heals himself out of terror. Like a rag doll. Yes. Crack. Oh. No. No. Not a vampire. Oh, thank God. A werewolf? Fenton's shoulders dislocating. Is it her moon cycle? Is it their cat turn time? No. No. And no. Okay. She is slowly turning mall security into her own personal army. Fuck. Whoa. Whoa.

So once the vineyard has mall security, which is the only organization within the mall that has outside authority, they believe that that might be enough to make a play against the food court. So right now there is an uneasy tension where each side is pretending they don't know what the other side is up to. We need to talk to Doris. Fuck yeah. We need to take this to Doris. All right. Well, if you need anything else, you know where to find us.

Before we leave, I just grabbed one of their shirts with the bloody head. And I'm like, why are you helping us? Why have you always been so cool to us? Um, we are not more cool with you than we are with anyone else. We're information brokers. You come to us with information in trade and we offer you information. We are completely neutral in this and we will remain so. Nah, you like us. We will remain neutral in this. Nah, you came up to me at the dance. I know you like us. Get out of here. Yeah.

No, you get out of here. Get out of here, you little nerds. Yeah, you're the nerds. And they both turn around and they go to a whack-a-mole. Or a whack-a-nome machine and then just start slamming it with those foam hammers. And you leave the Hubberstone twins to their court. One other thing that we sort of can intuit from that is that there's like more unity between the kid gangs than we might have thought. I think so too. Even among the riches. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, the only real tension, I mean, it's, you guys seem like you're in constant competition with the other gangs. But that's just because we're pieces of shit, okay? Yeah. You guys are kind of a destabilizing factor in the gang world, which is pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what you learn with that gather information. Sick. Pretty good. There's some tension in the food court, but also Tina might be making a play to kind of take control, greater control.

Probably, you would guess, using some of the capital that the wine moms make available to her. Oh. They're greasing each other's palms. Like if she's got a bunch of extra cash, then she's probably paying off a lot of people. Mm-hmm. All right. To Doris. All right. So you find Doris in shitty food. Mm-hmm. In the bad food court. And we run up because we're like, this is like big news. Like it's full in our heads. And we're like, we're going to forget it if we don't tell her right now.

Hello, children. Welcome to Shitty Foods. You all seem so sweaty. We are so sweaty. There's so much we have to tell you. How much do you know about your own shit? Now, hold on one moment, children, please. Is this something that we should speak about in private? Probably. Yes. In fact, it goes, it's the biggest secret I've ever heard. Grr! Get us somewhere safe now! All right, all right, children, hold on. And she turns to a young man that's with her and she says, Emilio, watch Shitty Foods.

I will be back. And she takes you through the food court, through the crowds, to what seems to just be like a back room that some of the people that work in the court go to. What is it, children? Please have some waters. Oh, God, this is shitty water. Have some shitty snacks as well. Thank you. I'm so hungry. We've really stretched out this literal 19-year-old. 1990s-era South Park joke over so many different episodes. I love it. So, what is on your minds? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Okay, the Y-Moms are trying to get the dark chocolate. And then they're trying to build condo maximums. And we don't even know what that is, but that probably sounds bad. We got some of the friends, right? Some of the friends, some of the kids are our friends. And they think that the hobby boys, at least the little guys that are pretty tough. And they told us that we saw them make the whole thing. It's all they got. Corn dog sticks. Oh, my God.

And Franklin breaking down is making Fenton really worked up. And he's getting emotional and starting to cry. And he's like, oh, so Tina Turner's in on it. And she's trying to turn both security into her own gang. And she took Clover into the toss. And she made her an emo. Clover's emo now. And Clover's having flashbacks and is so triggered by all this. And she remembers, like, that chunk cut of her hair and that she stupidly dyed it black.

Like, in that one streak, she's like, my hair is ruined, Darce. And all because Tina Turner. And Tina Turner turned on everyone in the mall. And she's working with the wine moms. And the food court. They don't know what to do either. And everyone, like, knows something. But they're not telling each other. And because of that, we're going to lose our house. And we can't afford to lose our house. And everybody's really scared. And you're the grown-ups. You're supposed to know what to do.

And you don't know what to do. And nobody knows what to do. And we think we know what to do. And I just don't know what to do. Everyone's stupider than us somehow. I don't. That's not good. We're so dumb. We're so dumb. Okay. All right, children. Okay, calm down. Calm down. It's okay. It's all right. Here. Come. Come. Come in. Come here. Come here. And she gathers you all into a big hug. A big mom hug where she hugs all three of you at the same time. Oh, that's nice. It's okay.

I can't hug her back because my shoulders are dislocated. It's all right. It's okay. I will look into things. And I will see what I can do to help. Okay? Make sure that, you know, you stay safe from the food court because there's a rat in there. I will. I will. Thank you so much. Now, here. Have some more shitty snacks. Wait. What is it? What is it? Is this a downtime activity? Yeah. I have a project clock that is what is the food court doing? Oh, nice. Can I fill this? You can take it. Yeah.

Yeah. How many can I take? You can only take one per. That's why we made it four. Okay. That makes sense. One per downtime activity? Yeah. Okay. So, that's all my downtime activity. All right. Anybody else got some extras? Anyone want to clear stress or anything like that? Anybody take any stress? I took some stress. Oh. Fenton has that less effect thing still. Oh, shit. Yeah. What's that mean? So, he's got to clear that. I got to clear less effect.

You would need to use a downtime activity to clear it. Yeah. Okay. Fine. I can use my last downtime for more info if you want. Yes, please. Okay. Is Millie still on our side at all? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great question. It's kind of conflicted. I think she's conflicted. I think she's the kind of person. She's young. She's really in debt. I know what to do. Great. Okay. If you want, you guys can be with me for this. Yeah.

I guess we're all kind of together for this. You guys are kind of together all the time. Yeah. We have panic attacks when we're not together. I don't want to be a broken pencil. Please don't take me. Leave me at home. Okay. So, guys, I know when Millie gets off her shift, and I know it's kind of creepy, but I promise it's not. But I know the way she walks home, too. So we can just wait for her to walk by and ask her some questions. Okay. Okay. I'm into it. Lead the way. Yeah. Okay.

So we're hiding between a fruit stand and a vegetable stand. It's dark in the mall. Light comes from a single light post. It's raining. Millie comes out of the security depot with her coat closed. She pulls the collar up. She looks around. Man, it's so shitty here. It's raining because one of the sprinklers is just- A sprinkler broke, so it's raining right now. She puts on her fedora. I step in her way. The two of us circle her around. Her hand goes to her waist. No, don't. Millie, it's me.

Clover? Yeah, it's me. What are you doing out here? And she runs up, and she grabs you by the collar, and she drags you into the alley. Okay. I gotta talk to you. I'm sure you know all about it, but Tina Durger, she's an- Shh. I'm sorry. You can't. What? She could be anywhere. Okay. She has ears everywhere. Ew. Ew. You know who is in a deal with some W moms? I can't be hearing this. No. And you shouldn't be thinking about this. I have no choice.

You know who is after our- Well, you know who- Whatever. We both know what you're talking about. Yeah. Anyway, our home's in danger. Millie, you gotta help us. Millie, you're the only person on the inside that can- Get us information on what's happening. You're the closest thing to an adult that we know. Remember all the scrunchies I made you? Oh, Fenton, because he knows how to sew, holds out a handful, and there's a spear buck and a whole bunch of scrunchies.

She reaches out, and she closes your hand. What do you need? Just any info. Is there a meeting place where you know who and some of the- People meet up? Like, where do they go? Okay, great. I am really into this, like, fake rain, darkness, kind of, like, noir vibe. I think there's a club that she knows that Tina, like, has a stake in. With her, like, new, I'm kind of getting powerful and rich money, she's bought a club in the mall.

I like that the idea is, like, a secret club within another club that we know. Like, it's in the dad's basement. Right. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yes. Yes.

Yeah it's like okay so in I really shouldn't be telling you this this place is dangerous tina I mean you know who uh she owns a club a secret club in nogwizers just speak easy it's called the nog hole how do we get in there is a there's a secret entrance there's a blank wall next to the bathrooms it's just got uh like a like a post like a painting of the nog miser and that's where the that's where the door to the place is if you're gonna go in there and I really don't think you should you have to be careful but if you're looking for information on tina's dealings that might be a good place to start have you ever been in there I shouldn't say say yes I like the music okay okay okay fair enough I was there a theme should we dress up what do we need is there a theme and she kind of gestures to herself in like a trench coat and a fedora perfect perfect I know exactly the guy for the job cut to no wait wait wait as you guys are leaving like getting ready to leave you're like thanks thanks millie she stops you because clover I'm not a bad person I know you're not that's why I found you and she takes off down the alley be safe you too cut to mr gilbert walking down the alley the hall it's hotter because it's the three of us in there it's all three of us all three it's a nine foot man in a fedora this isn't just mr gilbert this is master gilbert master gilbert private eye and corrupt politician I think that's good it looks like a slender man yeah definitely really creepy is the one in the middle it sucks you think you suck no are you kidding me I'm doing all the ab work yeah and you're the one that's dealing with fenton's sweaty knee pits oh my god tiny little arms massive torso so much torso little head kind of yeah fenton has a very small head maybe we dressed fenn up as his entire head he's like this with the blonde wig on hello I'm master gilbert I'm private eye yeah I made a paper mache head and I'm gonna do a little bit of a head job I'm gonna do a little bit of a head job I'm working the mouth in there terrifying thank you for joining us I think that's where we're gonna wrap it up for this episode this has been our downtime episode of spoutmore Mall Brats I've been your game master Sean O'Hara joining me is always playing fend invisible the slide of dual z's so long everybody playing franklin stein the cutter Paul Oppers take your hair and playing clover ivy fern the whisper jessica tye bye everyone we've been playing world of blades by duan figueroa based on the The Magnificent, Blades in the Dark by John Harper.

Both of those games are excellent and can be found online. Thank you to Samuel Quinn Morris for our intro and outro music. Stuns me every time. And thank you to all of our supporters around the world without whom this show would not be possible. So thank you to you, and we'll catch you next time.

And so ends the tale Of the Cool Treat Kids Always up to no good So tiny and greedy And angsty they be As they navigate crime and puberty And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to the chocolate store As the cool treat kids Plan their next score And for you I'll gladly spout more

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound They're aware of the famously tasty Here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets She has a corn dog addiction Benton's the sly, she sleeps the same And the rights can fire a fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends Endless in clothes For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome Yeah, yeah, yeah To spout more Mall Brats I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara Joining us today Me is always playing Fenton Beasley the slide, Abdul Aziz Hello everybody Playing Franklin Stein the cutter, Paul Oppers Hello there And playing Clover Ivy Fern the whisper, Jessica Tai Hello When last we left our heroes, the Cool Treat Kids They engaged in an operation to infiltrate the Nog Hole Secret speakeasy Well, recently purchased thematically secret Speakeasy themed restaurant Underneath the Nogweiser To attempt to infiltrate the Nogweiser To steal a ledger Or something Some information that would show you what What Tina's plans were with the vineyard And the operations to Redevelop parts of the mall In her attempt to Take over the food court in some capacity They went in the guise of Master Gilbert Which is a three kid stack In a trench coat With Fenton at the top Clover in the middle And Franklin on the bottom Quads working overtime Yeah, leg day, leg day, leg day Yeah, I imagine Franklin's legs hurt for a long time after that Oh my god Kind of bit off more than we could chew with that plan in all honesty Yeah It was a rare failure for the Cool Treat Kids In which you were swiftly reminded Oh yeah, you're children Yeah And you're trying to take on a true criminal Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah I mean, the listeners learned that Allison the succubus is a lounge singer Pretty cool That is her current place of business and work and life Fenton spoke to Maurice, the accountant Yeah For either just the Nod Hole or for Tina Durger in general Spun some tale about being a mining magnate Yeah From Burt Grass Oh yeah I was trying to sell her on like my services To, well first of all I was trying to sell her on like my services Mm-hmm To, well first of all I was trying to sell her on like my services Mm-hmm First I kind of like was distracting him with a story about my father Mm-hmm While these guys stole a page of the ledger Mm-hmm And then when Tina came over I tried to pitch her on me going into the food, foods, not the food court, the chocolate factory Yeah To mine chocolate Mm-hmm And that, and it did not work No, it did not work To the point where, well Fenton, Franklin and Clover left disguised as a pair of legs Mm-hmm And as a waitress carrying a plate of food that they stole from somebody that wasn't done yet Uh, tried to get into the back room But were repeatedly foiled by, uh, being two kids in one pair of pants Mostly foiled by yourselves Uh, and this all led to an attempted casual escape Uh, and being found out or at least noticed fully And acknowledged by Tina Durger Fuck Fuck It was just a washout It was just a washout Oh, man Uh, oh, Franklin got a wallet Oh, yeah You guys took the wallet from Maurice And we also got a page of the ledger that showed that there were payments going out Uh Yeah Like to someone To CCNJ Yeah, but like it wasn't Yeah We couldn't tell anything from that Uh-huh CCNJ, huh?

Yeah Go ahead and write that down And let's all figure out what it means later Yeah Uh, and that is, you know, the kid, the Cool Treat Kids return Yeah To the tunnels Return to Greg's place A tail between their legs And that is the period of time we find ourselves in now As we undergo, uh, a downtime That's what this episode's gonna be A wee little downtime Oh, man, I'm bummed Yeah, what have the Cool Treat Kids been up to?

Oh, um, definitely emo time for me Mm-hmm I'm just hiding out in my hole You got a hole? Yeah What do you mean hiding out in your hole? You know, like that little tunnel thing Uh-huh That I was hanging out in before eating my burrito and crying Oh, right, you were like, oh, I'm gonna go to the tunnel thing You got a little alcove that you sit in Yeah So, I'm in there with a music bottle Playing MCR Which stands for?

My, my alchemical romance Oh, yeah, M-A-R, I guess Yeah Yeah And we're pretty worried about you Because you've been in there for, like, five hours Mm-hmm Just listening to the same song on loop Uh-huh Well, at least we know she's eating Because you keep sticking your fingers out and snapping For more burritos So, at least there's food going in There's no shit coming out Not yet Which is alarming, yeah That's, yeah, but when it does It's gonna But it is the kind of thing where it's, like In a family where there's one sister Who is, like, emotionally volatile We're all like, this is gonna be bad Yeah We gotta help her We're all like, this is gonna be very bad Because we're so oblivious to our emotional volatility Yeah I'm talking to Rara Oh, yeah He's kind of like my counselor at this point Yeah, he's got a little, he's got little glasses on He's sitting cross-legged with a notebook in his hand And then I don't know It was just really, really bad It was really hot in there I felt like I was under a lot of pressure Right And, um Then, I don't know Like, Tina knew it was us, for sure I just failed, you know I, like, failed my friends And I don't know where that comes from, really Maybe it's, like, something inside of me Where I, like, feel like I failed myself, you know Right Or maybe it's when my parents abandoned me But it doesn't seem Related Related There's no way No, it's definitely not an attachment wound I wouldn't worry about that, Rara And then he's scribbling in his notebook You seem scratchy Attachment wound Yeah, actually, if you were to look over his shoulder At what he's drawing He's drawing his own face Yeah With a little, like, an angry face and teeth And a little fedora on And a snare drum next to him He's remembering the letter And then the next thing is Of course Uh, entanglements You get one die One d6 off the top And then you roll another one If the target was high profile Yeah Tina Jorger high profile, for sure Uh, if the score was loud and chaotic You take another one Uh I wouldn't say so No, I don't think it was a sneaky It was a busy jazz club Uh, and one die if there was We gotta change this one Because the other one is One die if there was killing involved But there's never killing involved So what's the Mall Brats equivalent?

Fighting, I guess Yeah, I guess if it, like, got violent A big fight Yeah Okay, so no No So two dice And you want it to be low, remember Low, low, low One and six Ugh So six?

Yeah, it's a six Oh, shit So six, uh, as we have known many times in the past Because you almost always get a six Is, uh, the crew gets interrogated Slash suffers reprisals So, yeah, Corb Green You hear the little clink, clink Of his tiny little spurs As he walks down the tunnels Clover pokes her head out of the tunnel And it takes a long, a lot longer Than it would sound like with the spurs Because his legs are so small Right He steps slowly to keep up the cadence of a cowboy But because he's two feet tall Yeah And eventually he makes it He's got his little mall security cloak on He's added a cowboy hat recently Looks like he's been saving up For a fresh new hat He's got an even longer piece of straw It's fresh It's a straw inside of a other thing A fresh straw Yeah A fresh straw Well, hello, kids Oh, howdy there Hi Been a long time What you been up to?

Uh, following the law Yeah, just playing Hanging out down here and admiring your new hat Interesting, interesting Uh, cause that's not what I've been hearing What? Whoa Whoa No What are you hearing? What sort of lies are you listening to? Alright, not your most convincing work, I'll say Okay, we'll try again Okay, we'll try it one more time One more time Let's go Wait, wait, wait Okay, okay, okay, okay Cut What?

You gotta be fucking shitting me, Corb We fucked up, buddy In the pants We fucked up big time I'm sorry Are you serious? I'm sorry I just You went Rat for Tina Rat for Durger She's doing the thing Yeah, and you're A bunch of kids Yeah, whose house is gonna get stolen There are A lot of kids A lot of kids There's a lot worse things that could happen to you If you keep poking your nose where it doesn't belong Name one Exile? From what?

The mall There's nothing beyond the mall Oh, there's a whole awful world outside this mall And that could be where you're all headed Awful how Um, people have to live by themselves You gotta like go places for food But it's free though, right? No No shitty foods out there You gotta pay Money Gold coins It's all in like a court, right? No, it's outside It's outside?

Yeah, there's rain and it gets hot and cold But then the food will be hot and cold and wet You're absolutely right, it will I've heard about weather You're absolutely right And there are wild animals Animals? Yeah Oh, like other gangs? No, like wolves What are those? Oh, it's like a dog But it's meaner than a regular dog is Are they meaner than rats? Oh, it's so much meaner than rats What? That could be your futures If you're not careful Well, what are we supposed to do?

We can't just let the wine moms win Unfortunately, I think you gotta What? No I think you gotta take a loss on this one, kids Keep your heads down Security's ramping up Tina hired some outside contractor Who? What? I don't know, some hot shot retired ranger He's not to be trifled with Well, I love trifle Fuck! I was gonna say!

Yeah, me too Me too, me too I love us You beat him by one second Well, I do love trifle Trust me, kids This is one trifle That you don't wanna get to the bottom of But the bottom's the best part of the trifle Not this time The bottom of this trifle, it's only pain I mean, it's always pain after a whole trifle Yeah, it's true Just Just promise me that you're gonna be careful, alright? I can't keep covering for you You mean with regards to what kinds of trifle we eat?

Oh my good lord I mean, I prefer cherry trifle But I'll eat any kind, really God, big bear lend me strength Help us How? I don't know Tell them that we're dead Steal, steal those plans Steal all the money No, I'm not gonna, I can't do that I am an officer of mall law Send Doris Send Doris where, here?

Here Okay, alright, I can I can send Doris down here Tell her that we are in over our head And we don't know what the fuck we're doing Tell her to bring some shitty food Alright Tell her that Clover's been eating a lot of burritos And listening to a lot of MAR He pulls out a little notepad Starts writing Oh, I'll take a cherry trifle I'm not Yeah, extra large please Okay, alright Where'd you get that hat? Oh, this old thing?

He tips it Yeah, it really compliments your hair Thank you so much Wait a second You trying to butter me up? No I installed my hair Okay, alright, I'll send Doris But just I'm worried about you, just be careful, okay? What happened? What do you mean? Are you okay? I'm fine, what do you mean? Why did you say careful like that? Like what, what, why, what do you mean? Is your accent real? I gotta go now Corb, are you lying to us?

I'm hitting the trail And he gallops away on his two feet Yeah, he's shuffle, shuffle And Corb leaves, and he's like, I'm not gonna do this anymore I'm not gonna do this anymore I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give Because it is kind of like the study group is just one other group that lives in the maintenance tunnels.

But there are there's a couple for sure. Can we recruit some of these teams to help us to gather information for us? Tunnel teams? Yeah, probably. Okay. So you've got remember you got two downtime activities each and those are clear one harm box. Indulge your vice to clear three stress. Take a segment on one of your long term clocks or gather info. One of my long term clocks is to build a bigger gang army. So talking to other teams down here would do that. Yeah, totally.

So you could use one of your one or both to take a segment on that. Okay. I'm going to take my clock for bigger gang army. And this is you like going to the study group and being like, we need your help. Yeah, we need one of the other groups. We're in with these guys pretty good, right? You're not. I wouldn't say you're like super pals, but you're definitely not like hostile. We definitely think that we're closer to them than we actually are. Yeah, definitely. I'm a study group.

It's just like rolling eyes. Like, yeah, you go down. Lock the door. You go down to the study hall, their library, and you're speaking to a 15 year old named Father Arthur because he dresses like a priest. And he has one of those wide black hats. And he's sitting at a table with like a burning candelabra on it. So. You come. To me. For what? Well, I want to know of the other people who live in the tunnels. What of the other tunnel teens? The tunnel teens.

These tunnels go far and wide around the mall. I'm trying to go deep, but it's not. It's okay. You can just use your normal voice, buddy. I'm intimidated by all this fire and that big hat. And you're dressed like a priest. Okay, fine. So if you are looking for the tunnel teens, the teens, you shall find. Um, what kind of, what do you want to know? Like kind of who's around?

Well, who has the most immediate access or who can walk amongst the adults the best or the most unseen or somebody who's associated with the vineyard? Anybody who has any ties with. No one in these tunnels is associated with the vineyard. Those are the movers and shakers of the mall. The tunnels are a world unto their own. But if you are looking for folks who might be able to move about unseen. The. Help me out here. Yeah. Um, the hoodies, the hoodies.

Are these like a new group that we don't know of? I think we're introducing a group of perhaps, um. Ninjas? Stealthy. Yeah. Like. Stealthy like. Like teens that like. Stealthy teens. I like the hoodies is cute. The hoodies is pretty cute. Like can we think of like a theme? Shadow. The shadow group. Wait. Who are you guys? I was just going to say like the cloaked ones. Yeah. Cloaked ones. Shadow cloaks. The shadow cloaks. And they're like fantasy LARPers. Yeah. That's pretty fun. Yeah. Uh.

The shadow cloaks are the ones that you seek. They move about the mall with utmost stealth and are friends of the study group. And then we hear a bunch of clanging in one of the vents. And a kid falls out of a tube. Does he land like a superhero? With a sword? Yeah. He does have a sword. Yes. He lands. He lands kind of in a pile, but his sword is sticking out to the side. There's like, like dice go everywhere when he hits the ground. He might die. Did someone call for Rathgar the night blade?

Holy shit. And he spends like 30 seconds trying to sheathe his sword in his side. Rathgar. Yes, it is I, Rathgar, leader of the night cloaks. Shadow. What are we? Shadow cloaks. Are you new to the group? I am not new. I am its, I am its foremost warrior and blade. Cool. Cool. Cool. What? So what, what needs you from the shadow cloaks? We need your prowess, which is legendary among the tunnel teens. Hmm. Surely you've heard of us. The cool truth kids. I, I have.

Have you heard of our plate shadow base? What? Sorry. What's it now? Rathgar. The night blade. Hey. Hey, blade of nights. Have you heard our. Sorry. What? What? What? What did I say before? You said plight. Okay. No, this is good. This is good. Rathgar. Have you heard our plate? We need a blade in the night, a night in the day, uh, and a day to illuminate the night that is cast by the duplicity of Tina Durger in the wine moms. Oh yes. I know this threat well.

And he sits in a chair and he is by a table with a burning candle and he kicks his boot up on one table and puts a long pipe in his mouth. So his face is hidden. He's like, I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. And, uh, bubbles start coming out of the end of the pipe.

And Fenton is so stoked that he got that whole thing out in one go that he grabs a bottle off the ground. He smashes it against the wall. He's just so amped. I did it. That was great, Fenton. Thank you. Very potent sense there at the end. Oh, I just realized what the shadow cloaks are. They're not all the same. They're a fantasy adventuring party. Oh, yeah. So this is like the ranger. This is like their leader, the Aragorn of the group.

Someone's like an elf and they've got like, you know, the quiet footsteps. Yeah. Yes. The cleric and the barbarian kid. Yeah. They're a LARP group. They're like a D&D party. There's like a Council of Elrond scene that's coming up where they give us. Most of them are cardboard cutouts. Okay. I love it. I love it. So, uh, what do you require from Rathgar the Nightblade of this plight of Tina Durger? I don't know. I guess we just need information.

We need somebody to be able to move in the shadows without being seen. Doth, we need safe passage through the night and tunnels. I know the shadows well. They are my allies and my friends and also my step siblings. And I can give you safe passage. But what is in it for mine adventuring compatriots in the shadow cloaks? Do not work for, say, five gold pieces a day. Purse. Chingle. Oh, the coin purse that you stole from Maurice. We only have two coins, dude. Shh. I'll jingle it a lot.

But if they're actual gold coins. You know when you put like a big piece of money in a tip jar and you throw it down really hard to make it sound like more? That's what I'm doing. But do you think they're going to beat us up if there's only two coins and not five? Look at these guys. This guy's a blade of night. He's a shadow cloak. He's black. He's a shadow cloak. He's playing. Look at his shoes. Bubble, bubble, bubble. Bubbles would come out of his pipe.

And he holds up his hand with the fingerless gloves to get you to throw the bag of coins. Fink. Flink. And he opens it up and he pours the two coins into his hand, but sees that they're actual gold coins from like the outside world. He thought there was five Starbucks in there. He was so psyched. Five Starbucks? What do we call them? Mall bucks? Mall stars? Oh my God. Spear bucks. Spear bucks. Five Starbucks gift cards. There's two bucks on each of those. There's five Americanos in this bag.

Get a frap on us, boys. Mmm. I see that your coins will spend well in the food court. I will eat many pizza pies with this fresh coinage. I regret this. And he slips it into his pouch next to the chain that connects his wallet to his jeans. Does his wallet go zip because of the Velcro? He's got to zip up the book. Oh yeah. You can see it says rancid on the outside of it.

He stands up very suddenly and he pulls his sword out and he puts the point on the ground and kneels down and dips his head and goes, you have my blade, sire. And you have the blades of all shadow cloaks. We will come to your aid when required. Thank you so much. I give him some weapons, candy weapons. Oh. Whoa, cool. You give him a weapon. So what do you give him? I'm going to give him, ooh, some Lights Out Licorice for the shadow. Oh yeah.

Hey, this will extend your shadows beyond your normal reach. Cast shadows and move within them. And it's sweet and delicious too. It is food? Don't eat it. Okay. This is called Lights Out Licorice. And anybody that comes in contact with this, comes in contact with their mouths will be lights out, create a shadow in their mind. Ah, foul sorceries, but sorceries that I shall bend to my use and the use of my comrades. Mm-hmm. Very well. You kids are warriors, I can tell, of great caliber.

Aye, we are very strong and brave. Forsooth, I also have a gift for you, my friend. Shadow Snout. What's his name? Rathgar the Nightblade. Rathgar. I also have a gift for you, Rathgar. Aye. And then I give him a grappling hook. Whoa. Holy shit! Oh my god, is this real? Yeah, man, I found it. That's so fucking sick. I found it and I tried to use it and I fell two stories. You what? Oh my god.

I do not have the upper body strength to use this, noble knight, but clearly I can see from the progression of your teen stache that you do. Oh yeah, he's got a ratty little teenage mustache. Yeah. Oh my god, Valindra Starvale is gonna fucking flip out when she sees this. That's great. I gotta write down these names so I don't forget all of them. So cool. Okay, I guess we're all giving gifts now. She says it loud. Yeah, he turns to clover.

I beseech you, the Nightblade Rathgar, to accept this gift bestowed upon me, or bestowed from me. Please taketh this card, which will show thy future. I push towards him one of my, what are they called? Tarot cards? Tarot cards, and it is the knight. Ooh. He picks it up and it gleams in his eyes. Let his sword guide you through the darkness. I thank you for this boon. I thank you for this boon, fair lady.

And he touches it to his forehead and he does that thing where he like puts a fist on his chest in like an old Roman style salute. And he goes, and now I must away. And he jumps up and grabs onto the tube and goes like Come on, kill it! Fuck it! That was a date. And he gets up into the pipe and his sword hilt gets caught on the edge of the pipe and he's trying to fall out a little bit. And then boom boom, clang clang clang, and he's gone. Honestly, Ajak, I'm not gonna lie.

Honestly, Ajak, I forward like 20 years, he might be like one of the greatest warriors in the land. Yeah, he's starting early. If he's taking it this seriously now. Yeah. Um, so I'm also here still, Father Arthur. Um, cardinal of the study group. But I assume you don't need anything from me anymore now that I have made this meeting happen. Appreciate you. Hey, what's this button do? Do you have kids? Do you need to get away from them sometimes?

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But they have a secret weapon. You, the listener. Join the council and vote on important decisions. Create and name NPCs, form factions with other listeners, and even influence the hands of fate themselves. So don't wait. Visit NoQuestCast.com to claim your seat at our table. Oh, fuck. Shit. Holy shit, that played a bunch of ads. Whoa, what am I, what? Is my voice coming over the sound system? Am I in the PA right now? That's the end. That was one downtime action.

And remember, you should really consider managing your stress, unless you… Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah, you guys took so much stress last time. I'm so stressed at how much stress I have. Franklin uses… I'm gonna use my… Just to finish me off. Yeah. Just to finish me off once and for all. You gonna finish yourself off, buddy? I was gonna finish off right here. Now that the night blade is gone. So what does this look like? Yeah, I have an interpretive dance for Arthur.

It's like the story of the dark church. So it's like… Why does Franklin know a dance about the dark church? Because he heard a song. Oh, I see. Yeah, same sort of style. Yeah. And he's come up with a whole really bad teen drama. Yeah. Like adult drama written by a teen, all told in dance. It's terrible. No, but like, yes, probably. Yeah.

But also like you're in this dark library and there are like candles casting shadows on the walls and it becomes this very creatively enriching experience for Franklin. I do like that. And Arthur's like crying a little bit. Just like, amazing. Amazing. Thank you. Can I workshop this with you some more? Oh, absolutely. Anytime. Wonderful. I'm gonna go get some coffee. Absolutely. Anytime. Wonderful audience. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah. And it is extremely satisfying.

So you relieve sick stress. Holy shit. And you spent a lot of time and money on preparing this. Yeah. Yeah. He wasn't my first focus group. Yeah. As he was doing it, more and more of the study group was showing up and like sitting down and watching and we were like running back and getting popcorn and stuff for people. Yeah. This was all… You made it seem really impromptu, but you've been planning this for sure. I was pouring out kombucha for everyone. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah.

There's a few songs that were like very well written. Yeah. Like surprisingly so. Cause you had to hire people to do it. Yeah. You got like outside songwriters. What's the, what's the total like narrative called? Hmm. This teen drama about this ancient church. Well, I'm trying a few names. So, uh, the dark pew. Ooh, cool name. Yeah. Um, okay. That one's doing like a ooh meter. Yeah. This is actually happening. Yeah. After the show. I got a couple of names. The dark pew. Ooh.

It's not too like stinky sounding or like gross. There's no, uh. It sounds like the whole church is black. It's black and you're sitting in a dark, dark pew. Dark pew. Dark pew. Dark pew. Dark pew. Um, uh, um, over dark. Okay. Mm. Sh, shadow, shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow.

Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow.

Undercover of darkness Yeah totally Or like through the The chocolate factory Chocolate factory yeah To get some toilet paper Yeah It is wild down here Greg's chair Wipes his butt for him Which is pretty sick But like He won't let us do it anymore Okay You said I needed more fiber In my diet If I wanted to do it And I refuse I will not be eating more fiber So Clover and Fenton You have two downtime activities Yeah I want to clear some stress First How am I going to get to the food That helps calm me down Well can you do have a way Of talking to him Yeah I mean Janice could always smuggle you Corn dogs Yeah we have the cans Like phone Like phone cans Uh huh Hey hi How are you doing Oh you know I'm okay I'm just like Having an existential crisis And we like really failed On our last mission And I'm just feeling Really insecure about it Hey hey Sweetheart It's okay You know you can't always You can't always win Every single time And uh You're doing your best Oh wait you guys are talking Through a phone Yeah we're talking through The can phone That's the cutest thing Wait did he send the The corn dogs down a pipe or something Yeah the corn dogs are shooting Out of a tube I think I know you can't be seen With me right now But it's just for your safety I understand And you know what I wouldn't want you up here anyway Security Oh they're everywhere They're probably not going to be there Patrols have increased Five fold Are you looking out For the sugar shack for us I'm doing my best I've sent some of the boys down here To take a look And they're staking it out Pretty hard security So it's best that you don't go back Do you need any more corn dogs Is that enough That's enough Okay Thank you I love you I love you too Oh my darling I will see you again soon I'll see you soon My heart burns for you My Mine eyes Wish to be Lost Looking upon Be Clover Could you get off the can please Okay I'm sorry Sorry Greg I need to make a call Sorry Okay bye Bye Seamus Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee His old dialogue You cut to the Seamus side of the conversation And he's standing with a bunch of hot meat boys around him And they all look so uncomfortable That they observe to that side of the conversation They're all standing around the pay can In their hideout They're like Oh my god They're lined up behind him They're trying to use the can There's an unofficial network of can phones That are strung throughout the mall This is a more recent development It's put together by a guy named Nortel Yeah Nortel And Rick's Ropes has actually been getting into string Oh yeah Rick's apprentice Nortel Started stringing these cans together Yeah Yeah He's kind of gone off on his own I know Which was a real shame for Rick He's not happy about it He could have gotten into Nortel's network on the ground floor And he did not Yeah It's a big net of string That is like Yeah depending on how the strings are taught Yeah You can talk to anybody all across the mall It's crazy Yeah Okay so Clover clears three stress And then uh Downtime I mean I could talk to Borbo about the bicep thing About trying to seduce his way into a vineyard meeting Maybe we could send him in as like a strippagram Or like maybe somebody's birthday coming up That could be the gather information As you figure out if any of them have a birthday coming up Or like some kind of like a birthday thing I would give it a give or give I would give it give or give I would give it give or give I would give give or give I would give give or give I would give give or give I would give give or give information to get Borbo to infiltrate a meeting to find information.

Oh yeah, totally. That could be the whole activity is getting Borbo to go get you info on something that you want to do. Yeah, because I'm like sitting there eating my corn dogs and I'm looking over at Borbo and he's helping Greg fix like one of his pieces of equipment and he's got like the screwdriver in his hand and I'm like you know, he looks so unassuming like a Jander. Janders can, they can move freely everywhere. Hey Borbo? Yeah. Would you would you want to do something for us?

Oh yeah, no problem. What do you need? And he puts down the screwdriver and walks over. Hey guys, what do you think? We sent Borbo in to one of the wine moms meetings. He goes to their house pretends to be like a Jander or something or a handyman. Oh yeah, moms love handymans I think. Yep. They always act so weird around them. My mom was really into one of our handymans if I remember correctly. She would like, I think she was intentionally breaking stuff to get him to come over. Weird.

Been there. Yeah. And then she would just disappear for like 40 minutes. That's so long. Borbo, have you ever like, do you know of stuff like that? Is that true? Uh. Like that moms like that sort of thing? You kids are pretty young so I'll keep it vague. Yeah, my friend was a pizza delivery guy for a while and he said it got wild. So is it like they just really love stuff getting fixed? Yeah. Yeah. They love to have their stuff fixed. Okay. Huh. I've fixed stuff for a couple moms here and there.

No, you're not. You're pretty good for fixing stuff. I am alright at it. Sure. Okay, so while you go in and pretend to fix stuff. Pretend, yeah. Yeah, can you like listen in on what they're talking about and then come back and tell us after? I absolutely can. Do you? Okay, so. I have a couple wardrobe suggestions. Uh-huh. Franklin just reaches up and pulls the sleeves off of his janitor shirt and then says here. Okay, thank you. Okay. It's like coveralls. Yeah, totally. But with no sleeve.

Okay, so it's a jumpsuit but with the sleeves ripped off. It's Clover's old janitor jumpsuit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It fits him way better. There's still like duct tape marks on it when she had to cinch it up for herself. Yeah, because she like re-tailored it so many times. It's actually short shorts and sleeveless. Yeah. Perfect. So, yeah, this is a couple days later. Um, Borbo comes back. He's wearing his sleeveless and legless janitor's outfit. He's whistling a lot. His hair's all fucked up.

He looks kind of sweaty. Hey, what's up, kids? What took you so long? What do you mean? Why are you so sweaty? No, that was like. Why are your pants so weird? I don't know if I took a long. Why do you smell like Dracar Noir? Look. Did you fix anything? Oh, I did. Why are your teeth purple? What do you mean? Did you have some candy? Yeah. Yeah, I had some candy. Do you have anything to eat? Are you hungry? Did I have anything to eat? No, I didn't. That's so funny. Nothing's funny.

Where'd you get that bruise on your neck? Uh, oh, this one? Oh, my God. Did you get in a fight? Yeah, I got into a fight and someone with a really tiny fist punched me in the neck 14 to 15 times. Was it a hobgoblin? Oh, no. Was it a knobgoblin? Oh, this is small. You know what? Was it an elf? You know what? None of this is important. We can go over this later. I have another question. Okay. Did you steal anything? Some hearts. Anyways. Be serious, Borbo. Okay, all right.

No, I didn't steal anything, but I did steal a handful of shrimp out of the shrimp cocktail on my way out. Oh. But I also stole some info. They're getting ready to go into the chocolate factory. Oh, no. And get that dark chocolate. And I think four days from now, they're launching an expedition full on. They've hired some sort of explorer, some sort of adventurer to go in. What? And, um, if you kids want to undercut them on this, it's now or never. How would we do that? Go in before them. Hmm.

That's the only way I could think of. Or maybe, like, try and convince this chocolate dude to, like, not do it. What's his name? Um, oh, God, I forgot it. It was, like, Switch Quick Swift. Swift. Swift? Yeah. That's pretty cool. That's a cool name. First name, last name? Swift was all I got. So they hired this guy, Swift, to go into the chocolate factory, and he's going in, sorry, when? Four days from now. Four days from now to get the dark chocolate. Yeah.

Did you get any information on who they're selling it to? Uh, like, at auction, I think. Like, oh, shit. Who's that? No, no, no. Auction is, like, when they put, like, stuff in a room, and then you can try and, like, compete other people for how much you'll pay for it. Oh, like a fight? Yeah, it's kind of like a fight, but with money. Yeah, it's like a rich person money fight. Okay, I see. And she's thinking, like, they throw their money around? Like, who ever throws the most and hardest?

Like, dodgeball with money? Yeah. So, here's what I'm thinking. First, you can sway their adventurer away from stealing the chocolate. You could steal the chocolate first. You could fuck up the auction so they are unable to sell the chocolate, or instead of trying to steal the chocolate before them, go in at the same time and ruin their expedition. Because if they have an expert who's good at finding chocolate, we don't know where it is.

Maybe we get him to find it and then wreck it away from him. Don't we know where it is? I thought we knew where the dark chocolate was. Yeah, it's, like, always flowing, isn't it? No, it's, the dark chocolate is, like, solid. It's, like, a solidified piece, and you know that it's in the chocolate factory. So, it's kind of like a cave, like, this chunk of huge dark chocolate. Yeah, exactly. You're going into, like, mine chocolate out of an old, old part of the factory.

Or that's what you would be doing. Okay. So, do you have those plans to have us going into the chocolate factory? Well, yeah, two of them do. And then, the one where we ruin the action, we don't have to go into the chocolate factory. Yeah. But what if we find Swift first? And then that one, yeah, we don't have to go into the chocolate factory. So, maybe that's plan A, is find Swift, try and convince him not to do this, or try and trick him into doing something else. Like, getting it for us.

Yeah. Tell him that we're the good guys. If he's doing it for just whoever the good guys are, he'd probably do it for us. He might be doing it for money, though. Then we'd be fucked. Then we can go in and try and steal it first, or sabotage the expedition somehow. Yeah, we tie him up, and then throw him in a closet and lock it, and then we go get the chocolate. Yeah, totally. Make him tell us where it is. Yeah. And how to get there. Mm-hmm.

And then if that doesn't work, and he does get the chocolate, then we fuck up the auction. Oh, I guess you could also steal the chocolate away from them after they find it, too. That's true. Okay, there's so many chances. Yeah. Got a lot of opportunities. Alright, but step one is to go to Swift. Swift. Okay. That sounds like a plan. Do you know where he is? Is he in town? He's in the mall. He's staying at a hotel. He's staying at the Spearmint B&B just outside the mall. Wait, outside the mall?

Yeah. Oh my God. There's wolves out there. Yeah, you just leave. It's wet out there, though. There's weather. Don't they do their laundry inside the mall? Maybe there's a way of sneaking into the motel through the laundry system. Yeah. I have seen the towels. You don't have to sneak into the motel. It's publicly accessible. You just have to go outside. Have you kids ever been outside? Long ago. Okay. So… The last time I was outside was when my mom brought me to the mall. Same. Okay. Alright.

Okay. And Rat Rat walks up with his little glasses and his notebook and he puts his hands up in front of the door and goes… Which is not a good idea. He's pointing at the notebook that just has drawings of you three with sad faces and tears coming out of your eyes. Do not talk about them being outside of the mall. They live in a fog where they think they've been here forever. You're about to undo all of the work that I've done over the last three days. This is the house of cards. Uh, so, okay.

So I just want to make sure your plan now is to sneak into the motel and talk to Swift. Get to know Swift. Uh-huh. But never be outside somehow. Do they have a restaurant there? What if we get somebody, what if somebody Uber Eats and we go into there with their food? We could pretend Seamus and the Hot Meat Boys, they could do a delivery. And we could go be in the delivery. Right, they could put us in a box so we don't ever have to be outside or apart from each other.

Technically, that's not outside. If we're still in a box, we're in a house. It's like a house. It's like a house but it's smaller and more contained. Wolves will not look in a box. Yeah, wolves are afraid of boxes. So is the weather. We might be agoraphobic. Borbo's just like wide-eyed like, oh boy. Borbo, are you afraid of outside? No. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty scary out there but it's fine. You're safe if you're in a box, I guess. Like, would you deliver us?

Yeah, yeah, I can deliver you. Oh, okay. Okay, Borbo, we need you to put us in a box that wolves and rain can't get inside of. Okay. And also, so, okay. I can find a box that will fit the three of you and I can take it to the Spearmint B&B. Sweet. Thank you. We need you to bring us back, too. Otherwise, we're stuck there forever. Kids, I'll take care of it, okay? Just relax. You're the best. The fetching is starting. His tears are welling in his eyes and he's like, you don't understand.

I cannot go outside and I cannot be outside. I need you to guarantee me that I will not be outside. I promise that you will not be outside. Because outside means I'm alone forever. Okay, all right. Okay. I'll find a box for all three of you and you will not be outside. Okay. Thank you. Okay. So this is the plan. Get out. Fenton knows he's gonna cry, so he demands that Borbo leaves. Amazing. Okay, so that was one of Clover's downtime activities.

The camera shifts to an outside shot of this room and Borbo runs out and then you hear wailing. Okay. Fenton has two downtime activities left. So Fenton is pretty shook by the failure that they just encountered. And he's been like talking to himself in a mirror. Going, this is because you're too stupid to read numbers, Fenton. If you were good at reading and not lying, you would have known how to read the sheet with all those numbers on it. And you could have figured stuff out faster.

And then they would have never figured out that the Cool Treat kids were there. And then we would be back in our sugar shack. This is all because you hate numbers. Jesus Christ. So he goes to the mirror. And he's like, I'm going to the food court. And he goes to the arcade that the Hubberstone twins are in. And he's like, Hubberstone twins! What? I need you guys to make me smart. Okay. So what do you want from these kids?

I need them because Fenton is like, he's always actively rejected like, the, I guess like his dad's shit. Which is like, his dad tried to teach him to be like a little merchant. And make him like good at like numbers and stuff. Mm. But he's like, he hates his dad. So he's given himself number dyslexia basically. Right. He's made himself forget numbers. And also kind of how to read. Uh huh. And he's like, I knew it once. One time I knew how to read. And I don't anymore.

I need you to make me smart. And ultimately what I'm trying to do mechanically is complete the project clock. Because I have two pieces. And it's what is the food court doing? And we have the, the ledger. Right. Okay. That's cool. So you want them to like show you what the ledger is about? No. I need you to make me smart. Teach me to read and do math. Oh, montage. Math montage. Yeah. Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum. Mr. Sandman. Stupid kid. Pretty woman. Why are you so dumb?

And I'm using both of my downtime activities for this. Because I have two clock pieces. And I'm not curing any of my stress. Great. It's more important for Fenton to make this happen than it is for him to like be not traumatized. I think he's maybe traumatizing himself a little bit with this. Yeah, I would say so. Okay. So montage of the Humberstone twins. And then Fenton grabs one of their wrists and he goes, wait, before you start your montage.

You can't stop someone just before they're about to begin a montage. Do you know how much this hurts? He gives you blue. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons.

Blue balloons. Blue balloons. And overcharge them for scarecrows. And he tried to get me to be like him, but I didn't want to be like him. And I was like him for a little while, but then I decided not to be when I was at the mall. So I forgot.

I made myself forget all the things that he taught me, all of the things about math and business and words and reading and letters and the way to hold a book and the way to hold a pen and also what kind of pockets to put money in and what kind of pockets you put fancy scarves in and which kind of pockets you put monogrammed handkerchiefs in. I forgot all of that, and I became what I am now, which is the greatest criminal in the food court. And he pulls out a sword. Whoa!

He pulls the cane sword out of the sheath, and he goes, but no longer will I be this. I will return to what I was before so I can solve this mystery. And then he pulls out the ledger sheet, and then he smashes the sword on the ground, which it was. It was already smashed earlier. Yeah. But he super glued it together, so it was really easy to smash this time. Oh. Okay. There's also a lot of weird stuff about my mom that I am actively not remembering right now. Thank you.

Back to the montage, I guess. Are you safe to montage now? Yes. Let us begin. Star wipe. The montage begins. They're pointing at a tree, a chalkboard that has a bunch of different numbers and different equations and stuff on it with an equal sign, and Fenton comes up and writes down a number, and they wipe it off. Because no. Yeah, the camera shifts, and it shows what he wrote down, and it was a drawing of a little cat. Aw. That's not numbers, you idiot. Cats are not numbers. Lesson number one.

And then they're showing him a page in a book, and they're like, words, these are words. You read them with your eyes, and then he looks confused, and then he tears a page out and starts chewing it, and he's like, is this how you get words into your body? And they look at each other, and they shake their heads. They look up at the clock, and the clock advances like three times. And as that happens, I will advance this project clock once. Beautiful.

He's there, and they're like, uh, choose one of these, uh, dishes, food laid out. And he's like all excited, and he runs up, and he grabs the one, and they're like, no. Which one does he grab? There's a spaghetti, and there's a fried chicken one, and then there's a shitty food one. So then he gets the spaghetti one first, and they say no, and then fried chicken, and he says no, and he's like, okay, I'll get the shitty food one, and they go, no.

And then they go over, and you see them yelling in the corner, and then one of the other kids from the mall comes out and goes, and gets their food, and then brings it over to them. He's teaching them about serving, too, to remember about being super rich, I guess. Oh. Yeah, and he, but he keeps trying to pay this kid a reasonable amount of money. Oh, no, he knows. No, and they're slapping money out of his hand. Every time he tries to tip, they're like, are you out of your mind?

Okay, so, uh, the clock has advanced more. The Humberstone twins are laying kind of like crumpled up against the wall, so tired, chalk on every board. There's so much going on, and then Fenton, Fenton gets up, and he's looking at the board, and he grabs the chalk. He'd been cleaning, so he's in a little janitor outfit. Now he's wearing Borbos with the arms torn off. Because he's so small, it fits perfectly. He's got his little, like, mop bucket. The lesson's long over. Oh, they're asleep?

They're asleep. They're just so tired, these Humberstone twins, and then he looks at the board, and it says, one plus one equals. And Fenton grabs the chalk, and he shakily writes down a two. And it's because the camera shifts, and he's put on a pair of glasses. And that was why he was functionally illiterate this whole time. Yeah. It's because he just needed glasses. Oh. Oh. Oh, they're numbers. And the Humberstone twins wake up, and they see this happening.

And they go, hey, and Fenton runs away down the hall. And they look at the board, and they go, wow. He got it. Amazing. And I run down the hall, and as I'm running, all of the memories of, like, business and attire. They're floating outside of your head like a beautiful mind. And they're coming, yeah, and it's like, and there's finances, and then… Finances. Just the word finances. Exactly. The word finances floats by. The words really good grades floats by, too.

And he's, like, undergoing a transformation, and then he walks back, into, like, the classroom that the Humberstone twins are in. And he's like, most of these are fake numbers. And he holds up the sheet of the ledger. Sorry, did you have more to say? No, that's it. Just, like, most of this document is falsified. It's really obvious. Mmm. We're back in the tunnels. Maybe it's code for something. Maybe it is code for something. Good point.

So I did fill out the whole project, which is, what is the food court doing? Okay. Yep. So I'm just gonna say it in plain language instead of trying to describe it through this, uh, ledger. Yeah. But you do realize this is a code. This ledger is coded. Oh. Now that you're looking at this ledger, you realize Maurice is not an accountant. He is, um… A cryptographer? Basically. He's… Cool. He's responsible for being the go-between between Tina, and her contact in the food court. Holy shit.

So this is, like, their way of encoding what their plan is. Like, this is their way of communicating. The ledger gets handed off between two, like, cryptographers, basically, between the two of them. Wow. So sneaky. So sick. That's really cool. That's cool. So what, in general, is the food court trying to do? The broad answer and the boring answer is keep everything exactly the same. Uh, they want the mall to continue operating the way it's operating. They want to continue making money.

They want to stay in control. So what they're doing, and this is high-level stuff, like, the… The Cooltree kids are looking at this and going, like, well, we can't do fucking shit about any of this stuff. Mm-hmm. They're currently using their funds and their influence and their muscle to influence the local mayoral elections. Whoa. In Highspear. Because they have a candidate they think they can convince to give the… To the mall extraterritoriality. So the mall governs itself. Wow.

That's so funny to me. Where it's like, we're like, Fenton was probably just like, I solved everything. They're rigging a mayoral election. So, like, two years of fighting for them. So that is what's happening. Yeah. There's a mayoral election coming up soonish, like, within the next year, and the food court wants to install a mayoral election that will give the mall extra territoriality so they fully govern themselves. Wow. But one of the members of the food court does not want to do that.

And that member of the food court is Orange Julius. He wants out. He wants to sell the mall. Oh. Oh, shit. He's working with Tina to get all of these, like, real estate contracts because he wants to just take out the food court, sell, and, at least according to their ledger, split the money with Tina. Oh! Oh, shit! Oh. Yeah. Wow. Sick! And so you realize that whatever deal Tina is working on with Julius is one of probably dozens of zoning and real estate plans that are going on right now.

But it is the only one that directly right now affects the Cool Treat Kids. Holy shit. Wow. So it's like treason that she's committing against the food court. Exactly. At the highest level, she's gonna try and sell off the fucking mall. It won't be the mall anymore. And we'll have to live outside. Yeah, because they're gonna turn into corporate bullshit. They're not gonna fucking tolerate… Kids in the vents. Yeah, no! That's the opposite of corporate.

Kids in the vents is the opposite of capitalism. I know this now because I'm a genius again. Kids in the vents is like the ad busters of capitalism. And Borbo is listening to you explain all this. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

If this ledger is as far as we know the only hard evidence that a member of the food court is attempting to sell off the entire mall we should get rid of this asap why because this is the like kids I know that you're like tweens and shit this is the kind of information that people kill for but what if can we use it to get tina in trouble I mean yeah theoretically you could hand it off to the the food court with like uh the cipher and that would really really fuck her up god clover's got such an evil look on her face tina really messed me up she did she gave you drama she did I'm an emo now your hair is black because of her it is it's definitely not because I dyed it yeah you're so drama that your hair naturally turned black is what you told us that's what we did she'll never be the same I'll never be the same so so is this ledger maybe why tina hired that guy to track you down I think so wait she must know how important it is oh fuck she figured out that we took it I mean she must have fucking fuck so what are you gonna do it's too big a bargaining chip for us to let go of yeah yeah we can't just give it away or or burn it we gotta put it in the bag and we're gonna put it in the bag and we're gonna put it in the bag and we're gonna put it in our most secret space doris yeah that that's the only thing that makes sense I think yeah what were you gonna say no I hadn't figured out what the end of that was in all honesty I just said I just want to draw from different things and see if they happen to work I'm a blue sky kind of guy okay but do you think doris is a good idea for this do we put her at risk if we give her that's the thing she's like our grandma but she's the most involved she'll know what to do with her she's like our grandma but she's the most involved she'll know what to do with her the court I know but if we give her this and then she she gets killed do we no I can't risk it yeah I don't think we can do that well who else do you know or where else do you know that would be a good hiding place what's up do we know anywhere that is a great hiding place somewhere that we've been before that is super secret or that everybody hates the rats the rat man no for real yeah the rat man honestly guys listen to me I know no for real guys I hate the rats I know but here listen to me what if we don't put it in one place but what if we give it to the rat man to give to the rats so it's always moving so no one can ever track it down that's a pretty good idea but what if we need to find it again the rat man can call back the rats do we trust the rat man I trust him with my life oh my god and he slams a butter knife onto the floor and it kind of like it slips and then he jams his thumb into the ground he's like I still trust him though what do you think franklin do we trust the rat man I mean the plan is kind of to not trust anyone with this information I think that makes sense and also what I will say is the rat man has as much of a stake in keeping them all the way around the court so I'm going to trust the rat man and I'm going to trust the way it is as we do because as much as there is no place in capitalism for kids and vans there's definitely no place in capitalism for the rat man he's basically the opposite of capitalism he also sells tickets to shows doesn't he so there's that side of him okay well I trust you smash cut to a dusty vent silent moats floating and then skitter skitter as a swarm of rats and then we're going to trust the rat man and we're going to trust the rat man come torrenting down a vent into into a big opening in some sort of disused air duct or air conditioner and then as they dissipate sitting in this lonely dusty corner of the mall is a ledger oh sweet and that's where we're going to end it for this week nice I'm your game master Sean O'Hara thank you for joining us for Mall Brats joining me as always playing fenton beasley the slide abdulaziz so long everybody playing franklin stein the cutter Paul Oppers bye-bye and playing clover ivy fern the whisper jessica tie bye everyone thank you to quinn for our intro and outro music a beautiful gift that we adore we have been playing world of blades by duan figueroa based on Blades in the Dark by John Harper all of those games are available out in the world the easiest way to find world of blades is to search world of blades on google and you can find Blades in the Dark goddamn near anywhere thank you to all of our supporters around the world without whom this show would not happen we'll see you next week bye you next time folks bye-bye and so ends the tale of the cool treat kids always up to no good so tiny and greedy and angsty they be as they navigate crime and puberty and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to the chocolate store as the cool treat kids will be back next week and I believe I'll give you the reward I believe I'll give you the reward I believe I'll give you the reward I believe I'll give you the reward Spout now

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound They're aware of the famously dazed Here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets She has a corn dog addiction Benton's the sly, she sleeps the same And writes the fire of fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends And listen close For the tale's about to start Alright, hi, welcome everybody Welcome to Spoutmore Mall Brats I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara Joining me as always playing Fenton Beasley the Sly, Abdul Aziz Hello, everybody Playing Franklin Stein the cutter, Paul Oppers Hi there And playing Clover Ivy Fern the whisper, Jessica Tai Hi, everyone When last we left our heroes, the Cool Treat Kids They had entered into a downtime phase Following their abject failure At infiltrating the Nog Hole Speakeasy Talk about it some more, why don't you?

You really fucked up, you ate shit And then you blamed my high school dice on me Oh, I see you now Oh, I see you now Oh, I see you now Oh, I see you now Oh, I see you now Oh, I see you now Oh, I see you now Oh, I see you now Oh, I see what's going on Yeah, I'm feeling a little rough, a little rocky But I understand And in an attempt to lick their wounds The Cool Treat Kids initially began the operations To solidify their alliances with the various kid gangs of the mall Going to Father Arthur of the study hall The goth library group that lives in the tunnels And asking for him to set a meeting with another group That you had heard of, the Shadow Cloak Yeah A group of LARPing teenagers Who have sworn their allegiance to you Because you gave them two gold coins Remind me again what the name of that guy was?

Rathgar Rathgar Rathgar the Nightblade Yeah, and his compatriot Valinda Starvale Nice Franklin then put on a performance for the study group That he'd been working on called The Dark Pew Pertaining to some ancient church that he'd heard a song about One time Clearing stress, we cleared more stress Clover reconnected with her At this point long lost boyfriend Seamus Seamason Who delivered some corndogs via tube And had a little heartfelt conversation on some cans And Fenton went to the Hubberstone twins To quote unquote make me smart And what followed was a montage That awoke apparently previously buried Skills and knowledge that existed within Fenton's life And that was the first thing that Fenton could do To make himself forget about his relationship with his father Those have been unlocked The skills and the memories Yeah, what does that mean?

Who can say? Is what Fenton says to Rara What does it mean that I remember this now? Rara Okay And Fenton Why am I even paying you? You guys are paying him?

Fenton was able to deconvict him And he was able to get his name back And he was able to decode the ledger That they stole from Maurice at the Nog Hole And uncovered in one fell swoop The entire plan of both the Food Court And Tina Durger Tina Durger is working with A member of the Food Court Orange Julius On this real estate deal To sell not only The corridor that the Sugar Shack exists in But the mall itself The entire mall While the Food Court attempts to influence A local mayoral election to Eventually convince their candidate To give them extra territoriality rights Meaning that they would be able to fully Govern themselves Ensuring the survivability Of the mall forevermore Pretty cool And that is where we find ourselves now The Cooltree Kids had been previously discussing a plan To exit the mall Go to the Spearmint B&B And dissuade an adventurer By the name of Swift Who had been hired by the Vineyard To find the dark chocolate In the chocolate forest What's with this guy?

Is that the plan? Is that the job you want to pull? Is you want to try and stop Swift from doing the chocolate thing Or do you have another? Let's have a conversation about this Are we still in the rat tunnel?

Oh no I think we're in our own tunnel Oh right the ledger was left in the Care of the rat man Because it is very very dangerous information to have And it's also very valuable information For when we want to eventually destabilize anything We didn't trust it with anyone else And his horde of rats Yeah more with the rats really I think we're forgetting about his rat horde Okay yeah So what do you guys think the best approach is with this guy?

Borbo's gonna get us into the Spearmint B&B But what are we gonna do?

I mean I wonder if we can just win him over Maybe he'll help us get the chocolate And we can split it Like if he's a good guy And he doesn't know what's going on behind the scenes here Yeah maybe he's just working for money also Or maybe he's just in love with adventure Or maybe he's just in love with adventure Yeah And maybe we can offer him other kinds of adventure Totally The adventure of justice The adventure of freedom The adventure of a mall staying open Yeah Suddenly reminded of the stakes We can't let the mall close Cause it's where we live Because we are squatters It's the giant box in which we live It keeps the sunlight and wolves out So in terms of like the planning And engagement style Of this job This might be our very first social Cause it sounds like you're just gonna talk to the guy Wow I mean I think we should study him first Is that part of it?

We could even just go look through his trash Or talk to the chambermaid and see what kind of mess he's leaving behind Oh yeah I do like looking through trash Yeah me too I found this garbage bag in one once No way Yeah it's perfectly good Why would they throw it out?

So poorly I know I can't believe they threw this garbage can out to put garbage in it You can do so much stuff with a garbage bag I mean half the clothes I wear are garbage bags Franklin and Fenton are like yeah we know Yeah we know The streak in my hair is a garbage bag Perfect Also I've heard the Spearmint B&B has a water slide in it No way You guys live in a massive mall and hang out in a park With enormous water slides This is a different water slide It's the kind that goes out of the building a little bit And then comes back in The flirting with danger slide Very scary And the part that goes out of the building is clear Woah It's like a horror show Like really clear Like mysteriously clear It feels like it doesn't exist Woah So what I'm now understanding Is this entire, which I love This entire job is you guys going to a motel It sounds like that's the kind of thing that you do That's what it's shaping up to be I love it So with social The detail you need is the social connection But I think the connection That you needed was You know that he's there So you can just talk to him Like if you find him at the motel We know who's hired him right The wine mums, the vineyard We know his name, Swift Tina Derger's She's the one who hired him I guess It's like I think What I'm not understanding is that Tina Derger hired Swift through the vineyard Oh okay So is Tina Derger working with the wine mums Like they want the same thing Yes they think that They want the chocolate So maybe the mums want the chocolate and the shack Cause they want to Gentrify But Tina's plan is like one step bigger Where she's like yeah okay And the mums probably don't know that They don't she's planning on fucking them over Heartcore I know I'm glad we kept that ledger So that we can put her in a situation Where she's gonna get murdered Woah woah woah Fenton Fenton Fenton You can't just say stuff like that Sorry and then Fenton goes Where we put her in a compromising Position there you go He winks well he is getting smarter Yeah Again I just want to make sure I'm clear on this Borbo is taking You to the Spearmint B&B in a box Yes but just because you don't want To go outside not because you're trying to Sneak into the motel no because we're gonna try and sneak in I think a little bit we wrote what do we write on the box I guess that's what I'm wondering are you being like Delivered yeah yeah we're being delivered Yeah we're they're not gonna let a bunch of grubby Kids into this nice B&B We're in a fake birthday cake Box Yes it says birthday cake on the side Yeah okay So whose birthday is it supposed to be When I get there for Swift It's Swift's birthday well we just are Sending him a birthday cake oh okay It doesn't have to be his birthday to have a birthday cake Good point and it's if anybody asks Just say it's his birthday Cake okay yeah And after you deliver it can you Hang out in the motel Bar it just in case shit Pops off just in case we need you to help us Yeah what are you Doing when you get there it sounds like You guys are gonna do a crime in there no No no no we're just gonna look around And then talk to Swift and Fenton Goes I just did a crime in there and he points at The bathroom All right Smash cut to A wet mop leaning against the door beside It and flies flying around Classic Okay we're gonna smash cut to the engagement Role to see sort of what situation We end up at so you start with One die for sheer luck as always Is this operation particularly Bold and daring no Yeah we're just talking to a guy Is it overly complex or contingent On many factors I mean for the situation It's overly complex we have Made it overly complicated I guess you have so minus one So now you're at zero okay Right so we just talked ourself out of the Guy have made us serious that's Actually a good point Jessica the plan that We came up with we kept adding layers To it that were completely unnecessary And it could cause it to fail or go weird And I was desperately Trying to get you to stop just Go over next door no We'll see it's his birthday we refused to go Outside we insisted on being In a box we insisted on the box Was labeled birthday cake Then that's where the plan ends Yeah okay yep cool Does this plans detail expose A vulnerability of the target or hit them where they're Weakest does he love birthdays We don't know who doesn't Good point that's my argument I would say that it does In that if you are able to Dissuade Swift from Doing this job for the vineyard Their whole thing is fucked Cause like they're still gonna go in probably But they'll be without like an expert Yeah totally So you get one plus one die for that Sick is the target strongest against This approach or do they have particular defense or Special preparations no Can any of your friends or contacts provide Aid or insight yes Borgo's gonna be There to provide muscle And are there Enemies or rivals interfering in your operation No they probably don't know that you're even gonna try this No are there any other elements You might want to consider maybe a lower tier Gives you a plus one maybe a higher tier gives you A minus one is it can we maybe Consider the fact that we're like cute Little kids and he will Listen to us maybe Listen to a bunch of cute little kids that are Begging him to save their home I don't think you know enough about this guy To say that one way or the other Aren't we that cute I mean you are Fendon but You're pretty cute Pretty cute Chloe you're pretty cute We're pretty cute kids Aren't we like baby cute No we're not baby cute we're like depressing cute kids Yeah We're like pathetic cute We have pathos on our side Maybe he doesn't like kids Well then we have an idea pack the trench coat Yeah I'm bringing in Mr.

Gilbert I have a backpack full of disguises Perfect Oh yeah and choose your like what Load you want to take I'm gonna take all my weapons cause I mean If shit comes to shove then I'm gonna just take them out Do you mean like heavy Non normal Light personally Light is inconspicuous I'm gonna do light also So that means you get three little checks on your equipment The things I'm taking are subterfuge tools Don't need to pick right now Finery and a canesler Alright you're picking right now I'm gonna take a can of refried beans Just add it A can opener and a bowl for my refried beans Oh nice I didn't bring a spoon fuck Okay so we've got two dice for the engagement roll Who's rolling?

Jessica You get to die Put all your moth power into it Visualize a moth I'm gonna number six Pretty good five and six Holy shit Okay so five and a six so six is good result You're in a controlled position when the action starts Cool So Borba loads you up in a box It's supposed to be a birthday cake box So it's probably pretty small Oh it's shaped kinda like this like tears Oh so Franklin's at the bottom Clover's in the middle And you're like I'm gonna take a cake Totally That's great I imagine a tear cake but that's so funny Wow so you guys didn't give yourselves any extra room in this box You're like crammed in Gotta be stealthy Can't let them think we're in here Yeah and also this makes me feel more comfortable Feeling enclosed with the two people I enclosed us to Okay There's no room for the wind to get in Yeah okay So just between us or light or horses or rain Just enough for a little bit of air Okay I'm gonna seal you guys up now So I'll see you soon And Borba's got like a little delivery hat on And like shorts and a polo shirt You know like real delivery guy stuff You're in the tunnels when he's doing this And then he like squats down You can hear him like slide his arms Underneath the box and go And now he's carrying all three of you In this box And you're kind of like trundling along Okay who's coming next?

Going to start the conversation. And he fends on top. And he is the smartest one now. I am pretty smart, but I think we can all approach this together. So are we going to try and get Borbal to convince the hotel staff that he wants to surprise him and leave it in his room without him knowing? Yeah, I think so. And then if we just stay in his room and observe him and see what kind of guy he is, then we might be able to get a sense of if he's a good guy or a bad guy.

And if he leaves, we can creep out of the box and look around and see if there's any clues. So we're just being in the box to get the housekeeping staff to put us in his room. Exactly. Because nobody doesn't deliver a birthday cake. That is the rule of our universe. And as you guys are talking, you can hear outside the comfortable murmuring, the constant noise of the High Spear Mall. The air conditioning. The air conditioning. The chattering of the various food court crowds. The shoppers.

The tourists. The dulled light. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, it gets way quieter. And the outside of the box gets like cold. What? And you can hear on top of the box like … Borbo, are you crying? Why are you crying? It's nothing kids. Don't worry about it. What is it? What's on the box? Nothing. Don't worry. We're almost there. Borbo. Excuse me. And you hear … What was that? Nothing. Borbo, what was that? Was that a wolf? Nothing. It's all good.

I just had to walk around a guy and his horse. A horse? It's all fine. Don't worry. There's guys out here? Wolf, wolf, wolf, wolf. I know what a wolf sounds like. Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush. Okay. All right. All right. We start shifting around a bit a lot. No, no, no, no, no, no. Kids, kids, kids. Please, my abs. I'm so tense right now. Okay. We're here. Shut up. Ding dong. Crr, crr. Yeah, hi. I have a birthday cake to deliver. Oh, yeah. It's for, um … Swift.

Sorry, I didn't get the first name, but it's for Swift. I have a new newspaper ticket. Okay. Here you go. What language is she speaking? And the box like, Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is a heavy one. All right. Thank you very much. It's gluten free. Oh, I'm just going to drink this. Oh, yeah. Please. The bar is right over here. You can just make yourself at home. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. I'm a fucking mailman. Ding. Ding. Just a second. I'll be right back.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Fucking hell. Slam. Box is definitely dropped on the ground for a second. You hear keys jingle. Key in lock. Door open. And then you feel what looks like somebody just like kicking you along. Like pushing you with their legs. Yeah. Jesus God. Okay. There we go. Plop, pet, pet, pet. Creak. Silence. Silence. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give.

I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. Here. Yeah, it sounds quiet. Okay. I'm gonna peek. Okay. Peek. What do you see? You see like a normal, like a queen-size bed. With a safari hat on it? Okay, there's a safari hat. There's actually three safari hats.

They're stacked next to each other, kind of in increasing order of importance, it would seem. Oh, cool. Oh, you can decide what to wear. And there's actually a bunch of shit in here. Huh. Like bags, trunks, boxes, various pieces of clothing and equipment. Like books? Like piles and piles of books? Yeah. Lots of stuff. Are there birds in cages? Uh, no, you know what? There is actually, there is one cage with a bird in it. Hmm. But there's no person. Describe the bird.

The bird is like, got bright blue and green plumage, and like a dark hooked beak, and a long tail, and it's just like sitting on a little stick in the middle of the cage. Hello, bird. It like turns its head and looks at the box that is now talking. Bird, we're gonna come out of the box now. Don't be alarmed. Don't make any sort of alarming bird sounds that would call anybody to what might be an alarm. And if you stay quiet, bird, maybe we'll leave a little treat for you. Very well. Whoa!

We burst out of there! What? Oh, did you just talk? What'd you say? I said very well. Hello, bird. Hi. What's your name? I'm Franklin. I'm Taylor. How are you talking? All the animals we've ever interacted with just give us the cold shoulder. Granted, they are mostly rats. Well, I just talk. I'm a talking bird. Wow, cool. Where'd you come from? Oh, far, far, far, far from here. Somewhere far away. Like the mall? Not from any mall. From a nice, warm place. Like a mall, but far away. Yeah, okay.

Like a far away mall. Like a hot mall. Like a hot mall. What's the situation with the Swift guy? Oh! Me and Adric have been traveling together for years! Adric? Adric? Adric Swift? You're Taylor Swift? That's me! Wait, you're not married to Adric, are you? No, no! I'm a bird! We're simply traveling companions! Mm-hmm. Is he nice? Oh! Wonderful! Excellent! Smart! Quick! Uh, witty! Does he like kids? Uh, doesn't not like kids. Doesn't especially love kids. Okay, that's not bad. Loves his work.

What's his work? Oh, adventure! Whoa! What kind of adventures? Oh, all kinds. Give us a sampling of some of your adventures. Fighting vicious monsters! Uncovering ancient treasures! Solving riddles! Traveling the whole wide world! Whoa! That's a job? It is for Adric! You do it outside? Oh! Yeah! Maybe outside's not so bad. Outside's amazing! That's where the world is! That's also where wolves and horses are, too, dude. Yep! Yep! Bop! Oh, what are you three doing in Adric's room? Or in our room?

I'm in, this is, well, this cage is my room. But it's inside the other room. And we're looking at each other. We just want to talk to him about one of his adventures. Yeah, the adventure he's about to do pretty soon. In four days. Oh! The chocolate factory. Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, my understanding was you were gonna leave me a little something. Because otherwise, I'm gonna have to start squawking. Okay, okay. Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no. No need for that. I have candy. What kind?

I have chocolate bars. Oh, fuck. I have candy, but it's not normal candy. Huh? I have a bunch of old wine gums. Oh, those'll get you drunk. Oh! Oh, that's a good thing? Well, once in a while. Okay. I put, like, a fistful into his cage. And he hops down, he grabs one, he hops back up, and he starts, like, he's got it in one of his little talons, and he lifts it up to his beak. Oh! Alright. What did you want to know? I can't let you steal anything. We don't want to steal anything.

We want to talk to Adric because the chocolate factory is our home. Should I tell him that? Yeah, this bird seems trustworthy to me. I trust the bird. Can we trust you, Taylor? Well, I guess you already are. Can I consort? Or study? To see if I get, like, a good vibe off of this bird? Uh, yeah, you can consort. Okay. This is controlled. Standard. Bird, can we trust you? Four. Four to five is a partial success. You do it, but you suffer a consequence. I think Taylor is like, Oh, yep!

You can trust me! You know, if I wasn't trustworthy, Adric wouldn't keep me around. You can trust Adric, too, in fact! He knocks its head, and you hear a knock, knock, knock. Taylor! I understand there's a birthday cake here for me! He opens the door and, like, sweeping into the room in a flurry of, like, a beautiful purple cape, blonde hair down to his shoulders, a kind of tan complexion with, like, the littlest hint of an elf ear.

A very handsome man with, like, a real swashbuckler, like, blonde mustache and the blonde chin strap. Wonderful clothes. Just swirling into the room is adventurer Adric Swift. Whoa! I break out into a round of applause. I'm gonna run up to him, put my cane to his throat. Yeah, I don't know. I don't totally trust this guy. And as you run towards him with your weapon in your hand, before you can blink, there's a rapier pointed at you. Whoa! Careful now, child! Who the devil are you? Who am I? I…

I'm… We're the Cooltree kids and we came to talk about our home. And maybe that you don't know that you might be taking it away from us. We want to know if you know the reasons behind your newest adventure. And he looks at you for a moment with an appraising eye and he, uh, sheathes his sword. I sheathed my sword. I'm just putting a can of cane back in my mouth. Alright, child, you have a moment. Who hired you? Ah! Let's take this somewhere a little more comfortable, shall we say?

And smash cut to the restaurant and bar of the Spearmint B&B. And he's tucking in a napkin into his shirt. Into his ascot? It's over top of the ascot. And he's got a plate of ribs in front of him. Ha ha! Delicious! Fenton is sitting in a children's seat. A booster seat. With a little table on it. Ha ha! Alright, children, so, as I'm sure you can understand, I can't tell you everything you might want to know, but I'm happy to tell you some. Indeed, the vineyard hath hired me. Hararara!

He just starts meowing on a rib. Are they paying you for this job? Quite handsomely, yes. Okay, is that the most important thing to you? Yes, it is. I love money above all things. I thought you loved adventure. And adventure. I also love adventure. Very astute. What's most important to you, Fenton says is he skewers a chicken nugget. Ha ha! And then he, like, daintily dips it in a little cup of ketchup. He's like, is it money? Or is it adventure? Nom nom nom.

He's being a very delicate little boy. Very fancy lad. Let's go around the horn and get him out. I want to know what the kids are eating, too. Clover has one of the coloring menus and a cup of crayons that she's coloring. Glass of chocolate milk, chocolate soy milk. Nice. With, like, the little red and white straw. She's vegan. She's vegan. And she's got a plate of plain spaghetti with sauce on the side. When it's not candy, Clover eats like the pickiest kid in the world. Sounds like…

Wait, why sauce on the side? Because then I can coat it the way I like to. This is a smart girl. You would listen to your compatriot friend. Okay. Sauce on the side. Each noodle sauced precisely as you desire it. Well, sometimes you get more sauce that way. Exactly. It's true. Sometimes they think the coating of the sauce amongst the noodles is enough to convince you it is a full dish. But it is not. Oh, yeah.

And then if you have sauce left over, you have, like, a little soup you can drink at the end. A little night sauce. I like the way you think, boy. As you can understand, as a man on the road, I've come to appreciate the dining establishments and roadside motels such as this. Some of the finest dining in the world, I say. Right here? Right here. What have you got there, my man? Well, I ordered a flambé meal. It's like a sizzling. They come in, they put a burner down and then they sizzle.

You know, they sizzle at the walk. And you get to cook your own food, like a Korean barbecue, but I'm making a s'mores over the fire with peanut butter cups instead of chocolate bars. That I brought all my own supplies. I say, is that a peanut butter cup inside of a s'more? You're darn right it is. Savory. Sweet. Adventurous. You children are quite something. And I got chicken fingers. I saw. With a side of ketchup. Delicious. And a Cape Cod lobster. A full lobster, you say? It is.

Very difficult to get into. I was unaware. Delicious. Fetid is doing his best to crack into this thing. Here you go, my boy. Here's something that I've learned after decades and decades on the road. And he pulls out a little cracker for a lobster and hands it over. Oh, thank you. Always be prepared. Thank you, Mr. Swift. And then he cracks the lobster, takes the meat out, dips it in the ketchup. Mr. Swift was my father. Please call me Adric Swift. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!

So, as I was saying, I am in this purely for the money. I'm a man of, uh, means. But those means are acquired through the doing of adventures. Yeah, was your life about the money that you earn or the venture that you seek? Are you someone who can be bought or are you someone who's in it for the sought of adventure? Sure. He slowly, lifts a rib up to his mouth, looking at you thoughtfully. Ah! He's got sauce all over his mouth now. He's holding something back. You can tell. Can I use a tune?

Yeah, absolutely. To figure out what he's hiding. Yeah. So I have one in resolve and one in a tune. So you would roll two dice, yeah. And take the highest. Six, nope. Five and a two. Yeah, no, five is great. So that's a success with a consequence. All right. You know what? I think we're gonna have to start a clock. Okay. We're gonna start a six segment clock called Adric Shoes You Away. So that is going to be… Jessica, did you do a clock or do you want me to draw one?

Oh, I'm doing one right now. Are you sure I can draw one? No, don't. Don't do the draw. No, please. What? Time crunch? It is six segments, not four. Perfect. So yeah, so that the starting of the clock is the thing that has happened. There's no segments filled in yet. But once that fills up, Adric will have to shoo you away. I am not a man that can be bought. I am a man of a particular set of skills. And I'm a man with a sense of joie de vivre and life.

And I like to pursue and uncover those things that would remain covered otherwise. So maybe my work takes me from place to place and intersects with the goals of others that would wish to pay me. But sometimes I'm just here for… Me, for myself. You know? No. Well, basically, what you're getting out of that success is that he is here for another reason also. Ooh. So it can't just be the chocolate factory and the money you're after. Not a guy like you. So much going on.

You've seen so many things. Enough of this. What say we go swimming? Yes, please. Hey! Vincent gets so excited, he starts… Hey! Trying to get himself out of his… Out of his cart, out of his little seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when a kid gets really excited and they're like… Pushing themselves up. But he was a little big for this seat. He insisted on getting in it. Yeah. So he needs, like, Adric to pull him in. Uh-huh. Yeah, and so smash cut to the tidy little pool at the Spearmint B&B.

It is outside. So it turns out you kids actually had it wrong. The water slide is outside, and goes inside for a second, and then comes back outside. Shit. This is terrifying. Oh my god. So we haven't been outside yet. We're just waiting at the door, about to go outside. In our swim trunks. And Adric is there. He's got a bathrobe on, and he's like, come on, children. Would you like to… To swim? I mean… Yeah? We have to. Oh, no, no, no. You do not have to. It's just that I will be swimming.

You need us to come outside over there, to the outdoor pool to talk to you? Um, I suppose. I mean, are you staying at the hotel, or what's the deal here? We… We live in the mall. Ah. Yeah, yes, I have. I'm sorry, it's been a while since I have crossed through High Spear Way, but you're denizens of the mall. Mm-hmm. We're not used to the outside. Fascinating. Outside means lonely. Oh, okay, you know what? It means, oh, wolves. Yeah, outside is where our trauma lives. Okay, all right, okay.

I don't have a base tan. All right. Kids, you know what? Then how about this? How about merely a schwitz? Let's go to the sauna. No, guys, we can do this. Okay. This is important. He adventures everywhere. We can do this. We're together. Okay, let's hold hands. Let's hold hands. Do we have to roll anything? I guess resolve? Okay. Group action. Group action resolve. Group action resolve. To go outside without freaking out? I guess so. So we each roll two? No, you'll each roll your resolve.

So if I, okay, so I have one in resolve. I have one in resolve. Yeah. Also. I feel like the stake here is that we go outside without totally fucking embarrassing ourselves. Well, this is desperate for run, because you guys have never gone outside before. This is huge. And if you succeed, you're good, but if you fail, it'll be like a lot of ticks on the clock. Right. Okay. Okay. Three, I think, is what the desperate is. All right, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Ding. The door slides open.

Two. Two. Four. Okay, so a four is a success. A four is a success with consequence. I want to push myself to roll again. Okay. Okay. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Okay, so you take one failure, or one point of stress, but you get a six, which means you step out. Yeah. Into the cool air. After a couple of false starts. Yeah. Yeah, the doors didn't open. Boom. All three of us at the same time walked into the glass.

It takes like 25, 30 minutes for you to work up the courage to step out the door. Yeah. And you're outside. And it's okay. You feel fresh air on your skin. Ouch. You smell not fried food. It doesn't smell like funnel cakes. Oh my god. It sucks. It smells like minty or something. Oh, gosh. The sky above you is like a bright gray. It burns. It's kind of overcast. Yeah, there's light diffusing through the clouds, but it's still so bright for you. Yeah, my eyes are squinted. Yeah, me too. Oh.

Oh my god. Holy shit. I take the sunglasses off somebody sitting on the side of the pool. Well, children, what do you think? This is the great outdoors. This is the craziest thing I've ever done in my life. Yeah. We've done a lot of crazy shit in the mall. Yeah. One time we hired a Batman to scare a couple of kids in a hot tub. Haha, quite. One time I ate a magic mushroom and I turned invisible. One time we flew off a roller coaster into a ford of enemies. Wow.

None of those even come close to this. It's three steps outside. This event is squinting so much because it's quite bright. Yeah. We've been living in tunnels for the last couple of weeks. We've been extra inside. Yeah. We're fugitives. You know what they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with three steps outside the door of a wall. You need us to walk a thousand miles? How? All right, kids, I'm going to hop in the pool real quick. Feel free to join me.

Have you ever been in a pool before? Have we been in a pool before? I don't know. Have you been in a pool before? Please direct us to your water toy station. I'm going to go in the pool. I'm going to go in the pool. I'm going to go in the pool. I'm going to go in the pool. I'm going to go in the pool. I'm going to go in the pool. Direct us to your water toy station. He laughs and he gestures towards a shitty pile of like floaty noodles and stuff in the corner. Perfect.

And he walks up to like a chair and he takes off his robe and is wearing like a swimming costume underneath, like a striped black and white swimming costume. But on the parts of his body that are exposed, like his arms and his legs, he's just covered in scars. Whoa. A ton of different shapes and sizes. Holy shit. Yes. Well, you know, the remnants of a thousand battles past. The life of adventure is a life of danger, children. Remember that. What happened to you?

This one right here, this was a gibbering mouther. One of its many mouths latched onto my arm there. This over here, an orc chieftain. He and I engaged in fisticuffs until one of us was bloody and breathless and the other was dead. Whoa, which one was dead? Well, that's a story for another time. Cool. This over here, this was a, uh… From the defibrillator that brought me back after the fight with the orc. For I was the one that was dead.

There's just four, two rectangles in the middle of his chest. And this, well, this is from when I tripped in my mother's garden and fell on her spiky fence. Scars tell a tale of a person's life and I have lived quite a life. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you spiky fence.

Scars tell a tale of a person's life, and I have lived quite a life. Yeah, check this out. I got this from trying to go after the hobgoblin the other day. It's an open festering wound. Oh, shit! You should probably not put that in the pool. Child, you should get that looked at right away, but you know what? Chlorine? That'll clean it right up. Chlorine? That's why I always visit a motel's pool. It's good for the wounds, good for the body. Cleans them right out. And you know what?

Somebody usually comes in and throws in more chemicals at the end of the day, so that blood disappears in an instant. Anyways, and he walks to the edge and does a graceful swan dive into the pool. How much do you think it costs to take the slide? He pops up and spits, Children, it's free! It's free? The slide is free. It's stairs and a decline. I run up the stairs. Two slides. Slides up and slides down. And you slide down. Yeah, you just go on the slide.

I guess, are you just going in your clothes? Yes. Excellent. So, Fenton is wearing finery, as I recall. Yeah. He dressed up real nice for this. He's in a tuxedo, top and tails. My god. You sink like a rock. He's wearing his Chinese shoes, and he also grabbed a little noodle, so he's going down with that. Yeah. So, are all three kids going down separately or at the same time? I'm having a hard time separating. Yeah, same time.

Yeah, same time, but guys, should we take this as an opportunity to try and impress Adric Swift? Yeah. Yes, of course. To convince him that we are also cool adventurers. Should we, like, stand up while we go down the slide? Oh, yeah. We're surfing. Holy shit, that's the coolest thing you've ever said to me, Clover. Is this a group action? Yes. Yes, it is. Yeah. Okay, what action are you using?

Well, Fenton throws the noodle away, and he grabs a flutter board, and he's like, I'm pretty sure we can all fit on this. One flutter board. Oh, we can do a triangle on top of it. Oh, good idea. Oh, yeah. I'll be on what? I'll be, if you guys are both on the bottom, I'll get on your shoulders. Sounds good. This is getting more complex as time goes on. Cool. So, this is a group action. You're using what action? Finesse. Yeah, finesse. Okay. Totally finesse. Shit.

I have two in prowess and one in finesse. Do I get three die? Yeah, you do. Nice. So, who's leading this? I will. Okay. Oh, four and five. Five. Five and a two. Fuck. Two. You take two stress because you failed and Fenton failed, but Clover succeeded. Yep. With consequence. The consequence being? Maybe Fenton just falls off of us and, like, falls over the slide. Yeah. So, it's not quite as impressive as you were maybe hoping. Yeah. Maybe the rescue can be impressive. Okay. Yeah.

So, you're sailing down. Franklin and Clover are standing on this flutter board. Fenton is trying to hold on. And before we go down, Fenton's like, Adric, Adric, look. Look at us. I'm watching. This is gonna be sick. Okay. And then he immediately falls off. One, two. Whoa. And Clover and Franklin, what, surf down? Yeah. Holding onto each other? Yeah. Yeah. And what happens when you hit the water? How do you dismount? I just flip off, but not in a good way. Not gracefully. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

Franklin's gonna, like, carve to make a big wave. Oh. And then as he turns, he sends out a licorice whip onto the bottom of the scaffolding, and then I'm gonna swing around and try and get Fenton off. Okay. All right. What action are you using? Finesse. This is risky. For sure. Okay. So I get three again? Yeah. Four. Okay. So you swing around, you whip out a licorice whip that you had in your pockets. All my equipment.

And you swing around, and as you're swinging around to grab Fenton as he's hanging off the bottom of the slide, you just wang your head on one of the posts, and you're gonna take that first little damage box. Yikes. Damn. Thanks for grabbing me, Franklin. Yeah, you're welcome. I was really sliding off there. God, I would've fallen, like, six feet or something. And, uh, yeah, Franklin, your vision's a little blurry once in a while, and it's, you're feeling a little foggy. Oh, God.

So you're gonna take less effect on all of your actions, basically, until… Did it look cool? It looked so cool. It looked fucking wicked, dude. It did look very cool. Oh, thank God. I saw you were in command of your physicality the entire time. And you endangered yourself to save your friend. Very impressive. It worked. Ah, children, there's nothing like soaking in a chemical filled vat of water. So, what were we talking about again?

Uh, well, we were talking about what else you're here for other than the money and the chocolate. Oh! Well, you know, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Nothing to trouble the minds of children with, though. Well, we're barely children. We're tweens. All the more reason not to tell you. You know what tweens are? They're reckless. I don't want the lives of three reckless children on my conscience. That doesn't sound adventurous at all.

The most adventurous thing that you can do is protect the lives of others. And that is what I, Adric Swift, have dedicated my life to doing. Well, if you're dedicated to protecting the lives of others, you should know that taking the job means that we're not going to have anywhere to live. Trust me, children, the alternative is far, far worse. And he dives under the water and he starts swimming around. What's up, everybody?

It's your boy, Borbo Borbom Borblo, and I'm trying to go on tour with my band B4, the Burly Beach Bod Bros, and we've got some sponsors that we need to play to raise tour, so check them out. Are you a budding detective? A wannabe do-gooder? Or just have an eye for detail? Are you looking for a task that will be both rewarding and help those in need? Then please, help me. I'm stuck in the service elevator behind the Caprice Theater.

I tried to pry the door open with my keys, but I dropped them down a hole and just made it worse. Please hurry. Please hurry. Please hurry. So don't wait. Visit noquestcast.com to claim your seat at our table. Well, I think all of that stuff sounds pretty sick, and I would buy it all now. Is that it? Have I fulfilled my contractual obligation? Yeah, you can leave. Okay, great. Bye. Okay, bye. We're going on tour! Trust me, children, the alternative is far, far worse.

And he dives under the water and he starts swimming around. I dive under, I'm like, wait! Is this a roll? Sure. Are you trying to convince him to keep talking to you? Yeah. So this is risky, standard, and what are you using action-wise? Resolve, I guess? Four. Four, okay. So take another mark on the Adric Shoes You Away clock. Okay. How many are on there now? I think it's just the one. Okay. Yeah, it's just one so far. Okay.

But Adric is swimming around and all of a sudden you're in his face with bubbles bursting out of your mouth going, what? And he surfaces really quickly. What? What is it? What's the alternative? You can't just say that and then stop talking. You can't just drop a… Fenton's on the other side of the pool. You can't just drop a juicy line and then sail away like a seal. Like, I get it that you want to be dramatic because Franklin's like that too, but like, come on!

Dropping a line and then disappearing dramatically is nearly 50% of adventuring, my boy. But he swims over to the side of the pool and like lifts himself up and he looks around at the other people at the pool. There's like two other people kind of vibing on deck chairs and he gestures you over. What do you know about the chocolate factory? Ugh, tons. Like, there's weird grass. There's the goblins that live in there that used to be elves.

There's like, I think there's bats and we take dumps in the scary bathroom. Yeah, we take dumps in there sometimes. I'm sorry. You take dumps in the chocolate factory. Yeah, lots of dumps. We're the cool treat kids. Have you heard of us? We take shits in chocolate factories. I regret to inform you I have not heard of the cool treat kids. That means that we're doing our job right. Yeah. Um, well, let me put it this way. The dangers that you enumerate are merely the beginning.

Do you know how the chocolate factory came to be? No. It was crafted long ago by a wizard. Like from Poofs? Yes, like from Poofs, the wizard-themed chain restaurant. Is it Poofs himself? It was not Poofs. It was a wizard whose name has been lost to time. Was it the wizard who created the eggbrook-cadegbra dish? It is a wizard whose name has been lost to time. Was it moons over my hammock?

It was a wizard whose name has been lost to time, but as stories say was obsessed with creating the perfect candy and so constructed this wonderful factory and its incredible ecosystem within to provide all the world with delicious confectionery treats. And I don't know if you know this, children, but wizards were dangerous. And whatever exists in that chocolate factory could very well be a danger to everyone in this mall and everyone in this land.

Anyways, I have designs of my own on the chocolate factory that the vineyard do not need to know about, but in the meantime, I will happily help them achieve their goal for a tiny little profit myself, as long as it does not intersect with mine own goals. Do your goals include tearing down the chocolate factory? No, not as such. Not unless it is absolutely necessary. Well, that's their goal. Well, then I cannot allow that to happen. So you'll help us then? Help you what? Keep our home.

Yeah, keep our home? Keep the chocolate factory away from the wine moms? Yeah, Fenton, at this point he like lays it all on the table. And he's just like we've come across some information that strongly indicates that the wine moms are planning on gentrifying the whole area that our sugar shack is in and the area that the chocolate factory is in, which means they're going to turn it into something called condominiums. I've heard the word. How does nobody know what this thing is? I love it.

When we're trying not to lose our home, there's a lot of people that are going to be displaced, but it might be of interest to you that they don't give a fucking shit about preserving the chocolate factory. All they care about is money. Interesting. There's another part too, and this one's way scarier. Are you working with Tina Derger? The name does not ring a bell, no. Children, if I may, smash cut to the lounge. Adrix on stage doing karaoke. There's a little disco ball spinning.

He's singing Adventure Queen Young and free Living fancy free Some disco song, absolutely. And then the song ends and we cut to he's at the table, he's mopping his brow. Okay, sorry. What were we talking about? Tina Derger, I believe. Yeah, I mean, she's in on it, but… Sorry. Don't say it too loudly. Yes, it's a big secret. Oh. And if she finds out that we know, we're dead. Dead, you say? Like, for real, dead. Yeah, not grounded, dead, dead, dead. I am familiar with the specter of death. Okay.

This is the first time that we're like, yeah, sometimes adults are kind of fucked up. Me too, I guess. I have stared the cold eye of oblivion dead in its pupil time and time again and I have said, not I! You have ribs in your teeth. Ah, well. Just keeping those for later. So I understand well the threat that you face. This Tina Derger. She is dangerous? She is. So, she's working with the wine moms, but it sounds like sounds like she's gonna betray them. Hmm.

She's going to find a buyer for the whole mall. Hmm. Interesting. And that means not only would we not have a home, but all the other kids and gangs wouldn't have a home. You are extremely protective of these criminal bands of brigands and thieves. We're not criminals. We're just trying to get by. Yeah. By stealing. Right. And we mostly steal stuff that either people don't want, or they clearly don't want, because they're not like paying enough attention to it. Yeah. Oh.

And then we sell it back to them at a profit. Children only steal things that are worth money. Yeah. Children worrying not. The third part of adventuring is stealing things and then selling them back to people for a ludicrous profit. I understand your plight and I am sympathetic to it, but you must understand my goals are my first and foremost concern. I need to get into the chocolate factory. And if these vineyard moms are the way to do it, then I must follow through with that. Okay.

Mister, can we have a huddle, please? You three or all of us? No, us three. Very well. And he slides his chair back and he picks a loot up off the ground from where it was and he just starts strumming away. Goes back to stage. Yeah. Ring. Friday night on the lights and the lights. Ring. The lights are low. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Um, okay guys. So it doesn't sound like the chocolate and the money are his only thing. No.

He's probably more into the magic side of it. That's what I'm thinking. Maybe we can guide him into the chocolate factory and get him in there. Yeah. And then he wouldn't work with the wine moms. Maybe. We can convince him that he can trust us. And if he doesn't want the chocolate anyways, maybe we can get it and auction it off. Yeah. Yeah. And then at that point, they won't really want the factory anymore. No.

Also, they'll be fucked because they won't have enough money to do their stupid condominium thing. Totally. Yeah. And then at that point, the only thing we have to worry about is Tina Durger. Yeah. Killing us. Yeah. All we'll have to worry about is that small thing. So small. Okay. All right. All right. Let's see if he wants to go back to the factory with us. With us. Mm-hmm. And spurn the wine moms. Spurn them. Okay. Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight. Uh, and he's back at the table. Wow.

You're really good at a lot of stuff. Thank you. Thank you. Before I was an adventurer, I was an artist of some repute. Wow. And now I wander these lonely roads, the only roads that I have ever known. That's a good lyric. You should use that. I should write that down. So children, you understand I have a job to do and I must do it. Okay. But maybe I can give you a counter proposal. That… That will maybe get you what you need and also help us keep our home.

What if we guide you into the chocolate factory? What if we get you in? We know it way better than they do. We've taken so many shits in there. We can show you one specific corner over and over and over again. Yeah. We can even show you the nice bathroom. Yeah. We can show you which banana leaves to use and which banana leaves to never use again. Yeah. We know where the tall grass is, where the licorice goblins live. And we can run fast enough to make sure that they don't get us. Yeah.

We know when the cotton candy fog rolls in. And we don't know what's in the fog, but we know we need to avoid it. Okay. So this is risky. Who knows? Uh… Because we're going to risk our lives. We're going to go with them. Yeah. Well, in that case, it might be desperate then. I think it's desperate because he's already hired for something. Like, what is he gaining? Yeah. Also, he's a grown adult and an experienced adventurer who's listening to a bunch of fucking candy. Yeah.

He's listening to a bunch of fucking kids. Give him a pitch. Yeah. But if he agrees, great success. And also, Hey, Drake. Yes. Whatever they're paying you, that dark chocolate's worth way more. Oh, I am well aware of the dark chocolate's value. We can get to that dark chocolate before they do. You'll be richer beyond your wildest adventure. It's a fascinating proposal. I am a little skint at the moment. And also the last… And also the last 85 years of moments. All right, let's roll. Okay.

So what are we doing? Is this one person rolling consort? Are we doing setup actions to increase the standing or effect? I mean, just for the pace of the episode, I feel like everything we've done so far has been a group action. All right. And we have all come to this together. So this is what? Sway? This is sway. We're not lying. So it is… Sway is not just lying. It is convincing. Oh, okay. I see. So we're going to do a little bit of a… Oh, okay. So we're going to do a little bit of a…

Oh, okay. So we're going to do a little bit of a… Oh, okay. So Sway is not just lying. It is convincing. Oh, okay. I see. So who's leading the group action? You have two. I have two. Fenton? I have one. I have one. So something to consider with group actions is less who has the highest dice and more who has the highest potential to take stress without. I have four blocks left for stress.

I have three blocks left for stress, but I'm down to risk it because Fenton's really feeling like this is his thing to do. Yeah. So I have two. Yeah. You should be fine. All right. So we're all rolling Sway, which is resolve. Okay. So I've won a resolve. Great. I got two. Oh, please. Oh, four. Six. Beautiful. A six. All right, children. You've got a deal. And I think that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara.

Joining me as always playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdul Aziz. So long, everybody. And I'm playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Take care. Playing Clover, Ivy Fern, the whisper, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you to Samuel Quinn Morris for our amazing intro and outro music, Handmade with Love. And an accordion, I'm so sorry. It's a concertina, actually. Oh, cool. Yeah. We both play concertina. Quinn, much, much better than me.

Thank you to Duam Figueroa for creating World of Blades, the game we're playing based on Blades in the Dark by John Harper. And thank you to all of you, our amazing supporters around the world. Without who, we wouldn't be here today. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Tale of the cool treat kids, always up to no good. So tiny and greedy and angsty they be, as they navigate crime and puberty. And though our journey may belie a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to the chocolate store, as the cool treat kids plan their next score. And for you I'll gladly spout mom. Unless I was in a sentence there, my boy.

We can come up with a name right now. Ooh. Yeah, we should name this wizard if we can. Is it a wizard that is in Svelte lore? It's a wizard whose effect we observe because it might be the wizard who created the High Spear. No, so that's not. So I think the High Spear, because during the Golden Age, people traveled all over the place. And before that, everybody was isolated forever, like people always are. But all of a sudden, the world is like, oh, I'm not going to be able to do this.

I'm going to be like, oh, I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm going to be like, oh, I'm not going to be able to do this. And then the world became cosmopolitan. So I think the High Spear was constructed by a wizard whose specialty was language. And the point of the High Spear was that it allowed everyone that it reached to understand each other. Whoa. Which is why everybody that we've ever met in Svelte lore speaks the same language. It was a Tower of Babel. Exactly. Cool.

And it's one of the… Like a tuning fork for language almost. Exactly. You have any goosebumps? One, two… Three. I look like a fucking porcupine. I have so many goosebumps. And so it's one of the only… Or it's one of many, but one of the more prominent wizard pieces of technology that we know is still operational. Oh. Holy shit. Oh my God. Because remember like you see it and it's still there are pieces floating around it. It's kind of damaged, but it still works.

And the weird way, everybody was always down and against. They're so scared of other wizard technology, but this allowed… They're kind of like, they let that one slide almost. Yeah. Or maybe they weren't even aware of it. Yeah. Or maybe they weren't even aware of it. Yeah. Or maybe they weren't even aware of it. Yeah. Or maybe they weren't even aware of it. Yeah. People have forgotten for sure. Yeah. Whoa. Because Macaulay is its own language, but I feel like it's very easy.

Like we went there and we were all like, everyone was speaking to each other. It was like, I think it's very easy for people to pick up language in our world. Because they don't even know it, but yeah, they're being aided magically. So fucking sick, dude. That's sick, dude. So the High Spear was not made by the chocolate wizard. Yeah. Yeah. So the High Spear was not made by the chocolate wizard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard.

I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard.

Kind of yeah Okay so I think the wizard was a woman Who made the factory Right cause we have seen There's like stories of the woman Drifting around in there Yeah the Dairy Queen Wait is she still in there? There's stories Holy shit Oh my god maybe there's some sort of remnant of her So actually yeah I think the name has been lost to time Now that we've gotten to this point Okay Okay

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound Their wares are famously tasty So here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisperer, she makes all the sweets She has a corn dog addiction Benton's the sly, she sleeps in a safe And writes vampire fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends And listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome, everybody, to Spoutmore Mall Brats!

I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Today we continue… Our game of World of Blades by Duam Figueroa based on Blades in the Dark by John Harper. Joining me as always, playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdul Aziz. Hello, everybody. Fenton Beasley here, the slide. Whoa, full intro this time. Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Hi, I'm Franklin Stein, the cutter, and dancer and greff schmuslin protege. Whoa! Take out that pause. And playing Clover Ivy Fern, the whisper, Jessica Tai.

I'm Clover Ivy Fern, the whisper, and also candy maker queen, and, um, good at palm reading and Seamus's girlfriend. Oh! That's right, she's not just one thing. She's a dozen things. Yeah, she's too many things in one barely contained shell. Yes, and we are scared of her sometimes. Ha ha ha! She has her period now. The older she gets, for some reason, once every month, she goes fucking ballistic on us. Turns into a cat, we think. Something about the cycles of the moon. She might be a werewolf.

There's no way to know. Or a wizard. But no matter how many peaks we try to sneak, we cannot see her transform. We just see her screaming at us to get out of the bathroom. Ha ha ha! Uh, when last we left our heroes, the Cool Treat Kids embarked on their job. Their score being the support of adventurer and explorer and guide and karaoke star, Adric Swift. Sorry. I can let you guys keep doing this. No, it's just so funny. It is very funny. Yeah, what?

Thinking that she's a wizard or a werewolf or something. She's just trying to, like, put on a change. She's trying to fucking have my fucking period and stuff. Uh-huh. And also, when I was younger, my siblings would come in all the time and be like, Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Oh, man, that's so funny. Also, what terrible brothers we are. Yeah. Trying to sneak in. I swear to God, she's a werewolf, man. Literally no fucking peace. Yeah.

I was looking through the keyhole, and all I saw was her duct taping up the keyhole. Ha ha ha! Then they have interventions with me after. Ha ha ha! Like, Clover, we're a family. We're supposed to share it all. We're supposed to share everything, Clover. Like, I know you must be in way too deep, because when you, like, you turn into a werewolf, you leave a bloody mess in the bathroom. Yeah. Who'd you kill? I didn't kill anyone. It's totally natural cycles of the moon.

It's just because I'm a woman now, and that's just what I have to go through. There was way too much blood for that thing to still be alive. I don't know how to speak into you again. That thing. Ha ha ha! It's normal. It builds up throughout the month, and then it just all comes out. If it's normal, Clover, then why doesn't it happen to us? That's not normal. We do everything together. We've already explained it. Yeah, guys, you really gotta leave her alone on this one.

You really gotta back off. Oh, our ignorance is driving us insane. Your ignorance is also driving me insane, so you gotta shut up. Yeah, that is the kind of thing where Barbara would just be like, you guys need to shut the fuck up about this thing, okay? After like the 12th time. Part of being a good brother is shutting the fuck up about this. Particular thing. Certain things you shut the fuck up about. It's this, and then it's whenever she listens to Sidney Lauper, okay? Sidney Lauper.

Whenever she goes to the Sidney Lauper. Sidney Lauper, of course, it's L-O-P-P-E-R. She's a warrior. She's a warrior musician who's known for lopping the heads off her victims. Yeah, totally. But God, she can fucking play a song that gets to the heart of a young woman. Yeah. Like an arrow, man. Beautiful stuff. Okay, so the Cool Treat Kids pulled off their score. Their score being gaining the support of adventurer, explorer, traumatized man, karaoke star, Adric Swift. Bird aficionado. Yeah.

Bird friend. Friend to bird. Taylor Swift. Uh. Who, I just like the, I just was thinking, I like the idea that his name is Taylor, spelled like Taylor, like a, some of it, men's clothes. Maybe, I don't know why I would think that, but there's a reason. Fantasy. Because I need to change names slightly. They met him at the Spearmint B&B, smuggled out of the mall for the first time by Borbo Borbom Borblo. Mm-hmm. Who delivered them to the room of Agent B.

Adric Swift in the guise of a birthday cake. Yeah. He was dressed like a classic UPS guy. Yeah. And he fucked off to the bar afterwards. Even shorter shorts. They were, he cut off regular shorts. They were tearaways. These things are fucking restricting me, man. I gotta cut these legs off. He had normal sized UPS shorts, but they had little buttons across them that when he was about to go to the bar, he could, brr. He tore them off. The last four inches. He's gotta show off those quads. Yeah.

Oh yeah, he did. I work hard for these. He could tear them off without even using his hands. He just flexes, pop them off. And through a series of motel adventures, the Cool Treat Kids learned a little bit about Adric Swift. He learned a little bit about them. And he revealed to them that he'd been hired, yes, by the vineyard to guide them to a especially valuable dark chocolate reserve inside the chocolate factory.

But also that he had designs of his own seeking some danger that lurked within the factory. Hmm. But be that as it may, his own personal goals aside, he agreed to help the Cool Treat Kids by leading them into the chocolate factory first. Yes. Yes. And that is where we left our heroes. And that is where we join them now in an downtime episode. Right. So you know how it works, kids. You all get two downtime activities. You can spend coin to get more downtime activities if you so choose.

Feels like we're kind of prepping for going into the chocolate factory with Adric. Right? Yes. Okay. Yeah. So you can either do that in the tunnels where you've been living or perhaps you've posted up in the Spearmint B&B for a little bit. Oh, in his room. Yeah. Yeah. That would be funny. Yeah. If we stayed there. There's like pillows and blankets on the ground. Yeah. Because you've just been sleeping here. Like a fort. In the closet. Yeah.

And there's four pillows, sets of pillows and blankets because Borobo's also been sleeping here. And he's like, there's no fucking way I'm leaving these kids here with you, man. Borobo's like all antagonistic. Yeah. Like towards a strange man. Yeah. Towards this strange guy who's maybe our new Borobo. What's up with your goatee, bro? Don't have enough for a full beard? Don't have the jawline for a clean face? Like he starts rubbing his own face. And then he drops and starts doing pushups.

You ever done these? You ever done suicide drops? And then he just falls off to the ground and starts doing pushups. Borobo, why are you being so mean to Adric? I don't know. I just want to make sure you kids are okay. Yeah. You're just acting like me all the time. I'm just acting like you're trying to scare me. I'm just trying to scare you. I'm just trying to scare you. I'm just trying to scare you. I'm just trying to scare you. I'm just trying to scare you. I'm just trying to scare you.

I'm just trying to scare you. And I thought maybe you had your period and all the stuff you told me was fake. I mean, in some ways, some aspects guys kind of always have their period. No way. Wait, what? It's your… Once your hormones start going a little crazy, you'll understand what I mean. But… I didn't know it was so hard to be a man. Oh. And then Fenton clasps Clover's wrist and he goes, no one suffers more than us, Clover. I learn something new every day.

I learn something new every day. Man, you know, sometimes I go out into the world and I just think no one fears me as much as they should. But anyways, there's just something about this guy. I just want to make sure you kids are okay. Well, I mean, it does make sense that you're so pissed at him because he is endangering our lives by taking us into the chocolate factory. He's taking you where? Into the chocolate factory. Oh, we weren't supposed to tell you, Borbo. Oh. I…

Could have sworn that I should know… I should have known this. Well, you know now. Well, I'm still sticking around. Well, good. Good. Thank you. Fine. Wait, are you okay? I'm fine. Your ego looks bruised from here. I'm going to take a nap. And he goes and he sits in the corner of the room and he curls up in a ball. Let me make a poultice for that ego. Is he sucking his thumb? No, I'm not sucking my thumb. I had something on my thumbnail that I was trying to get off into my mouth.

Borbo, you're the only person who's taking us… All the way through that chocolate factory alive. You're going to have to come with us, maybe. You don't mean that. We need you. You don't mean that. Like you need us. All right, I'll do it. But I want to be expedition leader. Okay. That's fine. Okay. It's fine with us. Okay. So you guys get two downtime activities each. We all know that. It could all be one day. It could be a couple days.

Like you're not rushing into the chocolate factory, but it is soon. Yeah. Because his expedition was in four days. Yeah. And now probably three. That's because it seems like we slept here. Yeah. So we should leave tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. Probably. So maybe like a one day thing. It's one day. Yeah. We got one day to prep for this fucking thing. And make sure we're really like getting there before any of the wine moms or Tina Durker.

So by way of reminder, downtime activities are clear one harm box, indulge your vice to clear three stress, take a segment of your long-term project clock or gather information. I would like to reduce one harm. Okay. How do you do so? I forgot how I got it. I was wondering. Do you remember how I got? I had one less effect. I feel like it was in a fight. Was it? But I can't remember exactly how. Maybe I'm getting Borbo and Adric to like punch me. Like I'm trying to get tougher. Like your abs?

My abs and like my face. And I'm like doing pushups on my knuckles. But I'm doing it on my wrists. And I don't know what I'm doing. And this heals your injuries? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You know, it's sort of like when you get like cupping done. Yeah. And then it forces your body to heal faster. Uh-huh. Yeah. So you come to like you. Adric notices one day that you're all fine. That you have like an injury, like a fucked up, like your arm is all bruised or your torso is kind of cut.

Walking weird. Yeah. Like one of your shoulders is lower than the other one. Cause like one of your back muscles is sprained or something. Oh, my boy. I've got just the thing for this. There's a medical technique, a sort of tradition that comes from Northern Turvor. Are you familiar with Turvor? No. It is an icy, inhospitable place full of hard people. How hard are they? Oh, rock hard, my boy. Rock hard. What makes them so hard?

They live in a terrifying place and therefore they have had to fight and scrabble for every moment of their wretched lives. Oh, yeah. I get hard when I fight too. Gonna move on from that. But they believe that the easiest and best way to heal an injury is to damage the rest of the body. Go on. And it's just a smash cut to like him. You like. In a burlap sack. Yeah. Yeah. Eating with a broomstick. Yeah. Whack. Whack. Knuckle pushups. He's like whacking you with a book. Yeah. Ow. More. Yeah.

He's got. We see Adric riding in a cart down a hill and I'm lying on the ground at the bottom of the hill. Cuts just before it runs over. What else? He's like acting like a drill sergeant. Making you do burpees. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Wind sprints back and forth across the parking lot. There's one where he's just you're standing in front of him and he's screaming at your injury really close. Not even words. Just yelling. And I'm like, oh, yeah. Yeah.

And yeah, for some reason, you know, you're not thinking so hard about those injuries anymore. Yeah. The limp. It shows him like progressing. The limp starts fading and I'm pirouetting and dancing and floating. Yeah. Like, you know, I'm back to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A normal person would notice that the limp isn't fading, but you're just limping equally on the other side. Yeah. It's just kind of balancing out.

And there you go, my boy. How do you feel? Tough as nails. Hard as a rock. Excellent. Pat on the back. Oh, ow. Ah, that's what I like to hear. That shoulder's coming in nice and tight. Thank you. Well, I'm going to hit the breakfast buffet. Again? Oh, it doesn't close until 11. And if you're really persistent. 11. 7. Oh, five. I'm going to come with the breakfast buffet with you. I'd also like to come along. Yeah. You know what? I'll come to. Hell yeah. Breakfast buffet.

And then there's a little shot of everybody eating eggs. Benedict. Not talking. Just going. We're like, it says all day breakfast. No, it's all you can eat till 11. How do you not understand this? So that's why we're not talking because we're eating as fast as we can before it's 11. Everybody's waking up at the end of the day. The clock is beating. We've got eight minutes left. Staff is looking at the clock too. Desperate to get us out of it.

They're standing over the trays with the lids, like just waiting for the clock to hit 11. They can slam it down. And then Fenton finishes his plate. He's like, I'm going back for sausages. Fingers in between sausages. Hatrix jams his hand and then grabs on full eggs, Benedict, as they slam it shut. And he goes, I got it. I got it. I shake the entire platter of pancakes. And just run with it. Fenton runs up. And as they're slamming it shut on the sausages, you hear, do-do-do-do, do-do-do.

And then he somersaults and cartwheels into the sausages, grabs a handful, and then loses his beret. No. And then grabs it at the last second before they slam it shut. Slam. Borbo's got his hands on a tray that someone's trying to close. There's three people trying to put this tray down. And he's just straining against it. Go, kids. Go. There's one guy who's slammed it down. And then Franklin's underneath with a little hacksaw cutter.

French toast shaped holes and getting all the French toast that was in there. Cutting a little circle that like hashbread, country style hashbreads are dropping out of it into a bag. Oh, yeah. We're funneling the syrup as well. Staphing it through a tube like you're stealing gasoline. Yeah. Spin it on the ground like, ugh. And then like, mmm. Dip your fingers in it later. Mmm. Mmm. Ugh. All right. You got one more downtime activity. I guess I'll, uh.

So you can gather info or take a segment on a long-term clock. Oh, gather info. Should we gather some info on the wine mums? Or it could be unrelated. Tina. What's Tina doing? Or even on the chocolate factory. Because that's our immediate next target. Yeah. Maybe on what he's actually. Because we still don't know what he, his goal is. Ooh. Good idea. That's true. That's true. I want to go through his stuff. Ooh. Through his communications with. Interesting. I find his letters and his.

So what you initially think is like a stack of letters. Because it's just so many loose papers and shit. You're like, oh, he's got to be like writing to somebody. He is. This is all handwritten notation. Like it's all like journals and reports and stuff that he's writing himself. Ooh. And I think like maybe counter to his own like weird, overly grandiose performative nature. Mm-hmm. These are quite meticulous maybe. Yeah. They're very meticulous and they are very to the point.

They're like without embellishment. There's drawings included. And some of them unfortunately are in code. Like it's not like a cipher, but like his shorthand is obscure enough that it is basically encoded. Can I take those? I want to take those. Yeah, absolutely. Encoded papers. Yep. Are you looking for anything in particular? Because I mean, there's a lot here. I'm trying to figure out what he's going and why. How he was enticed to doing this for the wine moms. Yeah, totally.

So you're, you shuffle through a bunch of the papers. Like he basically went with Clover and Fenton to the pool and you were like, yeah, I gotta go take a dump. And you went into his room instead. And Taylor went with them. Taylor is also outside. So you're not being watched by a bird who can talk. He learned to not be in the room when I'm dumping. And you go through the papers for a while, but you do find what looks to be a drawing of the mall. Mm-hmm.

And there are drawings that are like, okay, here's the mall. Here's a layout. Here's what the chocolate factory is. Like based on what you know of the mall, you know that he's like, this is an outline of the mall. And this is the section that is the chocolate factory. There are pictures that look like drawings of different plants and creatures that he's found in his like initial kind of scouting. And then a drawing that looks like the silhouette of a very elegant woman in a long dress. Right.

Looks like she's melting. The Dairy Queen. You think? Yeah. Wow. Who knows? Because we've seen the Dairy Queen too. We always said that sometimes on nights when the moon is full, we assume. One would be led to believe that the moon is full tonight. When the moon is full and so are our bowels, we go into the chocolate factory. This is a story we cut to. I said, I'm telling him a story of us seeing the Dairy Queen. To some younger kids. Yeah. Maybe we actually know.

The moon's full because we will only go in there if we know there's enough light. To see. Yeah. Oh yeah. The skylight. It's the least scary. Uh huh. That makes a lot of sense. I like that. Yes. And a dangerous fog rolls in. Fog that smells of candy ice cream. And we see her. A sad woman. Drifting. Searching. It seems some have said, Franklin said that. It seems like she was searching for something. Something she lost. Long ago. Wailing. Or quailing.

I didn't really hear that part of Franklin's description. Franklin saw her, honestly. It was Franklin. Franklin saw her once. And we think. Uh, yeah. So that's what you learn. And you see pictures of some weird, like it looks like a, um, you know, like those stripy mints. Yeah. Like the, like a big stripy mint, but then with like, um, like Twizzler legs. Whoa. You know, like that kind of stuff. Candy Goblin. Uh, no more like, more like a spider. Oh.

Kind of like eight Twizzler legs and like a big butt that looks like a stripy mint. Oh, is it like a hermit crab spider thing? It's his candy shell. Or maybe there, yeah, maybe it's a shell. The drawing doesn't make it very clear. It's like something that looks like he spotted and he sketched out really quick. Oh. And then what else? What's one more weird little creature? Maybe there's like a, a rough sketch of the Hobnob Goblins. The what? The Hobnoblins. The Hobnoblins.

Why'd you say Hobnob Goblins? Because they seemed extra goblin-y when we were in there. Uh-huh. With their long hands. What if there was like a sea monster in the chocolate? Oh. Like the river. Oh. Because we did say something was moving in there. And we're like, we would never go in the melted chocolate. Yeah. So I wonder what that is. What was the thing that was living in the shit in the sewers? Oh. It was a big shit monster. Or there was some crogs or something. Chules. Oh, in McCall. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Those things were fucking gross, dude. I hope it's not a chule. It could be a chule. Because they had a person's face. I mean, it sounds like the stuff in the chocolate factory is more like candy-based monsters. It's kind of like the monsters from Adventure Time. A little bit. Yeah. Yeah. So what would be in the chocolate? Maybe it's just like, yeah, it's a rough sketch of something in the water. Maybe it's sludge looking. Yeah. Yeah. Like a sludgy sea serpent. Oh.

There's also a moose pit. Like a loose moose pit. Like a quicksand. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is it made out of moose or is loose moose the name of a candy? Loose moose is like, yeah, moose, like a pudding puddle. Oh, moose. Not the animal. Yeah. Not the animal. Like chocolate moose. Okay. It'd be kind of funny if it was an actual chocolate moose though that roamed around. I'll sleep with anything.

Oh, the moose is very, like a chocolate moose moose that like wanders the factory. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. I like that a lot. So that's his. There's a moose on the loose. So that's what he's recorded because he hasn't gone too deep in. It's mostly stuff around like the edges, the safer edges of the chocolate factory. Cause you guys have never been outside long enough to like map how big the actual structure of the mall is. But you're like, Oh fuck. The chocolate factory is huge.

It's way bigger than we thought it was. Oh my God. It's like 19 sugar shacks. What the fuck? I never thought anything was this big. Yeah. So that's what you learned from his diaries. I was also thinking there's like a drawing in there of like a creature made out of light. And it's a drawing. It's a drawing from the distance, but it's clearly when we were in the chocolate factory. Oh yeah. Flashlights duct tape to our bodies. That's so funny.

And yeah, as you're looking at the things, you hear the door, you hear voices approach and you hear the door rattle as someone starts to open it. Still pooping. Okay, boy. Just make sure to bear down. Open the windows. Will do. And you've got, you get a little bit of time to escape. Shuffle those things. Yeah. I am Barry hurry up and fart. So there won't be any stink in this room. I am Barry hurry up and fart. So then Franklin's trying to fart. Shit's his pants. Oh my God. This is even better.

This is exactly what I need. What smells more like poo than shit. Okay. So those are your two downtime activities. Great. All right. Who's next? I could go. Yeah. If you want. I'll clear a bit of stress, but I need Borbo's help for this. Okay. What do you need? I need corn dogs. I really crave them. It's that time of the month. Corn dog time. Yeah. But I can only get them. I can only get them. I can only get them. I can only get them. I can only get them. I can only get them.

I can only get them. But I can only get them from inside the mall. Yeah. Which means I'd have to go outside. Uh huh. Is there some sort of invention where like the corn dogs can come to me? Yeah. It's called legs. But I can't go outside. I can go get them. You can do it, Borbo? Yes. I'll go get them for you. No way. No. Here's what I'll do. So you're not nervous. I'll go to the door and then I'll run really fast to the other door. Okay.

And by performing that door dash, I will go get your corn dogs. And then I'll perform another door dash back to here. Oh, so we're going back. Yeah. Yeah. Borbo, you're a genius. Hey, I'm just happy to help. I think you can make like a lot of money with this idea. It's like uber money. That could really lift you up, pal. Yeah. And you know what's the best part is after this, there's no packages so you can just skip the dishes. Oh man. And also foodora. Do you like my new foodora? It's a foodora.

It's a fedora that I keep nacho cheese in the rim of. It is a special invention just for me. And then he takes two straws and he puts them in his mouth. And starts sucking nacho cheese out of the top of the hat. It's thicker than I thought it was. Yeah, you have to keep it heated up. It's stuck in the straws. All right, I'm going to go eat this up. This is actually just spaghetti. So a couple hours later, Borbo's back. He's got- Hours? All right. I got distracted, okay? Who were you beating up?

I wasn't beating up anybody. Who are you beating off? I wasn't beating off anybody. Who are you beating on? I wasn't beating on anybody. I went to the arcade. I'm sorry. Oh, that's fine. Thank you. I got distracted. Here you go. And he gives you like eight corn dogs. Jeez. How many did you want? Two. Oh, okay. I'll take them all though. For later. Okay, all right. Oh, Fenton. Fenton was going to be like, well, if you don't want all of them, I'll take one. I'll take them all. I'll take them all.

He's like, ah. Oh. You see you clear three stress due to your corn dog. I eat them hunched over like a dog. Wow. She really enjoys corned dogs. Corned dogs. She really knows how to corn a dog. What next? What should I do next? Maybe I'll just get info. Yeah. It makes the most sense. Yeah. Totally. And I mean, we can go to Fenton. Like you can think about what you want to do. Sure. Yeah. That's fine. Yeah. And I'll just get info. Yeah. That makes the most sense. Yeah. Totally.

I'm down to do stuff. All right. What do you want? So Fenton has only two more stress boxes until drama. Uh-huh. But I think he's going to not clear any. Interesting. Why? Because he's like, sort of like gone this track where he's like really blamed himself for the failure at the- Jazz restaurant? Yeah. At the jazz- Oh, yeah. Where they were serving jazz. The speakeasy themed jazz restaurant. Yeah. Yeah.

And then he like didn't clear any stress that time because he was like, I have to get smarter. I can't just keep being dumb and lying. Oh, yeah. And then I think he's still like, he kind of like unlocked a bunch of memories about his dad. Like- Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. So I think like the kind of influence of his dad is seeping back into his head. So I think that might be his version of drama is that he's going to like maybe transform into like a different kind of kid.

You know what a kid like just is like, I'm going to be a cowboy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the other thing is the boy says, I'm going to be a cowboy kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's getting rid of the sailor outfit. Totally. Yeah. Ditch the trench coat and the hat. Or something. But that's where he's headed. So he's not into the head. And he's just going to gather information.

He's really burning the candle at both ends. He's not taking any downtime. He's just going to try to power through to get all the information he needs to help his friends, because that's what he needs, is to help his friends and not take any downtime. Is Fenton saying this in the mirror to himself? He was. Okay. And then Rara showed up in the bathroom next to him and he was like, whoa. Rara climbed out of the toilet. Out of the back of the toilet. He's trying to find us this whole time.

Oh my God, Rara, I'm so sorry. I missed our regular counseling appointment. I know, I know. I know you'd never blame me for it. I really appreciate you trying to find us. Okay, we will pay you for the missed appointment. All right.

But what I was saying, Rara, was I need to focus on getting information and helping my friends because I can't just keep writing fucking vampire fan fiction and not helping my friends and continuing to not know math or business and then just letting the wine mums make condo maximums everywhere. I love you too. All right. And then he darts forward and grabs a bar of soap and shoves it in his mouth and then jumps into the toilet and swims away. Oh, wait, Rara.

He extricates himself from the toilet. You can actually probably help with this because I still have agoraphobia, so I can't leave the hotel and go back to the mall without falling into the sky. So what I need you to do is, okay, I'm going to use both of my downtime activities to gather information. All right. I would like to have some information. Two pieces of information. Uh-huh. One is I want to know what Tina's been doing to try and fucking track us down. Rara. Like how close she is?

And about this, like, new ranger that she hired to, like, find us or whatever. Rara. Got to figure that out. Rara. Rara. And he salutes you and he jumps up in the air and dives into the toilet. And then Fenton flushes. And he is continuing to salute you as he spins down the toilet. And Fenton salutes him. And he says, Godspeed, my tiny friend. Hobnoblins, of course. Maybe we actually already talked about this. Much like rats.

As long as they can fit their nose through a thing, they can fit their whole bodies through it. That's awesome. I didn't know that. So he just, like, squeezes into the toilet and disappears. I didn't know that he used the toilets for moving around. This is great. I don't think he knew he could use the toilets for moving around. But now the whole world is his oyster. So a couple hours later, Rara shows back up. Where are you guys hanging out? Like, I assume you're not just walking around.

He's waiting in the bathroom. Maybe Fenton is still waiting in the bathroom. Okay. He's been in there all day. Yeah, and every time someone comes in, he's like, I am still, I'm working through something crazy in here. It's fucked up. And the toilet seat starts slamming up and down. And the water starts splashing everywhere. And the cleaner outside is like, Jesus Christ. He is working through something. Poor kid. And Rara emerges. And he reaches into his ragtoga, his roga. His rara.

And pulls out a fistful of absolutely soaked papers. Slams them down on the ground. And he points at them. Perfect, my friend. And then Fenton. Borblow. What? Wow. Remember we established that he can say the word borblow. Yeah, how did you do that? Borblow. Oh, rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. Rar. My theory about this is that Borblow is basically the closest thing to a predator to him. Oh my God.

So as a defense mechanism, he figured out how to say his name to freak him out. That makes so much sense. Yeah, it makes sense. Those hobnoblins are all about something about this magic chocolate enacts like rapid evolution in whatever consumes it. So the hobnoblins, the monsters in the chocolate factory, they all evolve so fast. That makes so much sense because the whole thing with this wizard was that it evolved an entire ecosystem. System. I like that.

So anything that it eats this shit changes really quick. Yeah. Ooh, maybe that's what he drinks after too. He wants the power. Yeah, transformation power or some kind of thing. Yeah, could be. But he's got a bunch of papers for you and they are mostly very crude drawings. Like, how crude? Like P&V? Shit! Is that the phrase you were gonna use? That's exactly what I was gonna say. No, no, there's no P&V. There's no P&V. It's mostly T&A and some… Tits and anus? Okay, no, it's not any of that.

It's mostly T&A, tattletales, and amformation. Amformation. I said what I said. No, it's mostly like drawings, like crayon-ish drawings. One is Tina, very obviously, because she's got the long hair and angry face. Mm-hmm. And, um, but a smile. Like, angry eyebrows, but a smile. Oh, something's working out for her. And then a handful, a hand stuck out with, like, coins stacked on it. Oh, she's making money!

But handing it to someone else with their hand out that looks like an elf with angry eyes and a line for a mouth. Oh, this must be the… The ranger. The ranger! And, like, a vest. Like a green vest. Oh, it looks like a gherkin. I know all about these because of my comic book. Um, and… And Rai Rai points at the elf and goes, That's the elf. That's the ranger. What's his name? Uh, Rai Rai Borblow. Shathane Wick, you say? But then, so the next drawing is the three of you.

So there's a little guy with a sailor hat. And then, like, a tall, skinny rectangle with, like, black hair. And then, like, a blonde, uh, flat top. And then a very sweet drawing of Clover who looks, like, really nice and is, like, holding candy and smiling. Aw, you drew us perfectly. And then I pointed at the little fat kid with the sailor's hat and I was like, you got fucked up, Franklin, a little bit. Franklin just slides your finger over.

And I guess you guys have snuck into the bathroom because you heard Rai Rai. But then, uh, up into the bathroom, to the left of you three is the elf again with, um, binoculars and, like, an arrow pointing towards you. He's watching us right now? Oh my god. Don't do anything. Oh, not here. At the candy factory. Sugar Shack. In the tunnels, he was watching us? And he moves the papers aside. They're all soggy, so they're just, like, squishing to one side.

There's a box that the three of you are in and the three of you are in the other side. And the three of you are in the other side. And then Borbo and Adric. One is, like, one's an upside-down triangle with arms and legs and then, like, a really mean face. And horns. And horns. And horns and, like, a bloody knife. And then, like, a rectangle with a question mark in it. Adric. With a really detailed picture of a parrot on his shoulder. So he knows, like, that we're here. Oh, shit.

He knows that we're with Adric. Adric. And then you're in a box and it has a picture of a spearmint leaf on it. He knows we're in the hotel. And then, yeah, down to the… On the left side of the paper is the elf with binoculars. He's here. He's here at the hotel. Watch. He's watching the hotel. He's watching the hotel. With binoculars. I'm outside the hotel. But he knows… But it's because he knows we're in there. Oh, no. That means we have to go outside soon.

I knew going outside was gonna cause us danger. I knew it. We gotta move because he's gonna move on us if we don't go somewhere. Can we use the toilets like Rar-Rar? And he starts gesturing. Rar, come here. I get in the toilet. And he jumps in the toilet and you see his whole skeleton compress into, like, a tube as he starts slithering into the pipes. And he turns around. His head pops back out. He goes, Rar. And he gestures for you to follow. I flush but nothing happens.

Just my feet getting wet. It's like Tim Allen from the Santa Claus. Exactly. And Rar-Rar is gone. But that is the information he has provided. Okay. That was very useful. That was… That was very useful. Super useful. So that ranger is fucking tracking us down. And he seems to have been monitoring us forever. And he knows that we're with Adric. Which means if he reports that back to Tina, Adric is fucked. But also he's not making any moves. So maybe he's waiting for something. Yeah.

Maybe he's waiting to figure out what we're gonna do. Hmm. But however we go back to the mall, we gotta deke this fucker out. We gotta be super sneaky. Super sneaky. Cover our tracks. Maybe Borbo can't go with us this time. No. He knows what Borbo looks like. He does. He knows what Adric looks like. And he knows we're scared of the outside. Probably. And he knows I peed my pants 20 minutes ago. Maybe. What? Fanny, you're in the toilet. I was afraid to use the toilet in case Rar-Rar came in.

Oh no. Gross. I'm gonna go change my pants. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Squish. Are you guys gonna tell Adric and Borbo what the… What the situation is? Absolutely. Yeah. So we're back in the bar and restaurant area of the Spearmint B&B. Hey there. Fenty Beasley here. A guy gave me six spare bucks to break into the PA system for the mall and play this bottle full of ads for you. So get ready. Here it comes. Aroma. Aroma. Flavors. Flavors. Style.

Style. Plates. Plates. Oofs. Oofs. Tired of the same old breakfast. Breakfast. Come on down. Come. To oofs. Oofs. Oofs. Designer breakfast for designer women. See you there. See you there. In the… Estherland food court. Oofs. Everyone, I'm Jamal. And I'm Chris. We're the hosts of Wastepotters, the old world gaming layer hidden in plain sight. If you've ever played Pokemon Go or any AR game that puts the world on a map, you've already touched on the system we talk about every week.

We break down how locations get chosen, why things appear where they do, and the stories behind the players who build and shape the map. So whether you're a gamer. An explorer. Or just love quirky real world mysteries. Check out Wastepotters. New episodes every Sunday. Find us on your favorite podcast app. Alright, that was all the ads that were in the bottle, I think. Unless I fucked it up somehow or nothing played. Anyway, he gave me six beer bucks. So jokes on that, loser. Bye. Bye.

So we're back in the… In the bar restaurant area at the Spearmint B&B. I'm having my chicken tendies and I'm telling them. Yeah, I'm wearing sweatpants that don't match the rest of my outfit. I'm closing all the curtains in the restaurant. Borgo's up on stage doing karaoke. He's doing a very like, it's just one of those days. Like a very rap rock kind of Limp Bizkit thing. And he's getting really into it. That's great. Yeah. And eventually he comes down. He's like, guys, did you see?

Yeah, I was… What'd you think? You're a motherfucking time. You're a motherfucking bomb. Fuck yes. I love it. High fives all around. Yeah, that was four. Thanks, Adric. No problem, my boy. I love the verb and figure. So children, what did you learn? Well, we learned that the new Ranger Elf is watching us and he knows we're in here with you and Borgo. Ranger Elf, you say? He works for Tina. Interesting. She hired him to track us down and figure out what the fuck we were doing. Why? Why?

Because we. Are the craziest fucking kid gang in the mall. Oh, it's because of the real estate thing. You already told me about that. Interesting. There's one thing that remains on my mind currently. Can I have one of those chicken tendies? Yes. Thank you. And he tastes it and he goes, one more for the table. I'm sorry. What were we talking about? I forgot. Oh, you said something that you want to tell us. Yes. And he waves the chicken tender. I just wanted to put it in your face.

No, you said something that remains on your mind. Yes! Oh, it was the chicken tender. It was literally, ugh. Wow. These things are delightful. Whatever. Apparently, this guy is the real deal. Our dad kind of, Corb Green, he told us that this guy was like used to serve in the Ranger Corps during the wizard war. A Ranger, you say? Yeah. Interesting. Interesting. That means Tina's scared. Yeah. If she's hiring the biggest, baddest boy out there, it means we're the ultimate threat.

We got her shaking in her booties Yeah Borbo bristles a little bit When you say biggest baddest boy out there Probably not that big Probably not that bad either He's still on the stage And he drops down into his pushups again Just the suicide drops Off the stage Now he's not even doing pushups He's doing squats Like just deep squats Look at this Look at these quads Iron Uh We're all children I mean There's nothing else to be done But I suppose get a good night's sleep And prepare for the expedition tomorrow Eh?

Yeah I still have one more gather information No no You said you were gonna use both of them I used both of them for that Okay well That's what you said I thought I was gonna Discover a thing about you Adric But that's okay I don't need to find out Oh well I know I didn't realize there were two things You wanted to learn I also I also wanted to learn about Adric Swift A little bit What do you wanna know my boy? And also Clover has another Tandem activity Does she?

Yeah I do cause I didn't know what to do Oh yes Alright And let's get into it huh?

I've had just enough chicken tenders That I am talkative But not enough That I am reckless And then Fenton slams his hands on the table And goes One more for the table Bring em over Denise Let's do it And then Fenton goes You know our credentials Sort of Kind of Strong word but yep We have ridden the roller coaster In the Estraland amusement park Off the track Into enemy territory Thrilling We have challenged the hot meat boys To a race down the serpent slide For the highest stakes of all A season's pass To the water park A worthy endeavor We have ripped Through the chocolate factory Covered in lights Being pursued by unearthly horrors Oh that Ah Very good Very good We have One King and Queen of the world One King and Queen of the Sadie Hawkins dance At the light depot Okay We have sentientized and unleashed A stream of giant pigs Upon the mall and beyond Very cool We have taken the jackets of the wild nogs And we have ruined their factory Amazing And we have permanently maimed the fudgies All right Understood you children have done much in your favor Understood you children have done much in your favor Understood you children have done much in your favor And you're young young Incredibly short reckless lives Thank you And all of this is to say What What are your credentials Adric How do we know we can trust you to handle your shit Tell us a tale of your misdeeds My misdeeds That highlights your motivations What makes you think you can't trust me children That tone That shifty look Maybe all the sneaky sneaky Maybe all the sneaky sneaky Activities you've been up to before we met you This secret handwriting Franklin pulls out his cryptic notes He darkens a little bit You've been going through my notes Yeah What of it You must understand children I've lived for nigh on these Boy 131 years And the life of an adventurer such as myself Demands a degree of caution You must understand I must Hold my trust close to my chest But To be frank You're but children I have no reason not to trust you What harm could come to me The harm rests solely upon you And also When you're in a foxhole with someone You're not the only one who's in trouble You're the only one who's in trouble When you're in a foxhole with someone You gotta know that you can trust them And also I'll be frank Linstein I love it I love it You know what that pushed me over the edge What do you want to know Here's your papers Thank you Don't do that again Okay Frank Alright so you want to know a tale Do you want to hear a story Is that what it is We want to know what drove you to the chocolate factory And why you are so desperate to get in there And find the Dairy Queen It can't be the money No Well yes But additionally We've spoken Magic is a dangerous thing And ever since the wizards left this world They have left nothing but ruin and danger in their wake And breakfast And breakfast And I am but one individual It would seem who is willing to take the threat Of Rampant Magical Destruction Seriously And so this chocolate factory poises an opportunity to do so Did Aedric start the menders Oh my god And so I have come to this place in an attempt to ensure that no harm will come to any who wander into potential threats presented by this location What do you intend to do Whatever I am able So Aedric started the menders We're all jumping to conclusions here I want to say that I'm writing it down Conclusion jump to That is my goal If I am able to make a coin or two here or there By performing some task or deed in the name of a financier Then so be it I require food and drink and lodging And the occasional karaoke night Oh nothing I am able to make a coin or two here or there And so be it I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks I give the snacks my children and the wizards in their ire, in their arrogance and their dismissal of these people, poked holes, tore, pulled at threads, and I seek to mend those holes.

All right. We'll plug up those holes with you, my friend. Let me be clear. I will help you recover this chocolate, but under no circumstances are you to take any risks. If I tell you to run, you run. Okay. All right. Where are those fucking chicken tenders? Cool. Yeah. That was sick. Yeah. I like it. Oh, is it my turn now? Yeah. Yeah. You got one left. Can I use my last downtime to make a like home alone kind of style? Fake us to like hang out in front of Ajax's window. Yeah. Awesome.

That's fucking so cool. Oh, is it? That's very funny. That's the best. That's great. Yeah, absolutely. I'll say, yeah, that's like a- Mini clock? Mini clock. Just it'll take one action. It'll take like the evening basically. Okay. Or actually, if you spend a coin- I'll spend a coin. Yeah. Because then we'll make it like a two tick kind of thing. We got to buy a bunch of shit. Exactly. Bunch of cardboard cutouts of LeBron James or whatever. We're making each other's dummies.

And we can kind of in the same way as the drawings. Because Franklin was like a little offended about you pointing about that. Because he was a chubby kid. So he's like really overstuffing the Fenton dummy. When he overstuffs the Fenton dummy, Fenton is like, dude, I'm supposed to be making you. You're supposed to be making me. And yeah, it takes, you know, the better part of the evening probably.

But you're able to prop up your little dummies and- Franklin makes a- A- With a broom and a pair of pants with other brooms in it. Puts it in the toilet and then flushes it and then like tapes down the flusher. Ties a rope with a brick so it's constantly just swirling around. Spinning. Pure wedding in the bathroom. That's so smart. That's great. Clover took a bunch of pool noodles from the hotel pool. And she like shaped them into kind of herself and draped a bunch of her clothes.

Like, well, an outfit. Yeah. She brought an outfit. Yeah. You know, just in case. Why not? She draped over the thing. And she attached it to Taylor Swift's little like exercise track. And was like, Taylor, you gotta keep like, keep going. No problem, kid. Yeah. And so then Clover's doing her little like side dance. You think this is the first dummy doppelganger deception I've ever done? You've never been on the road.

He's got little, when he runs, he's got little cartoon parrot wing hands like Yago. Yeah. He's just like. He's just like. I used a bunch of like cold cooked spaghetti and like a bunch of ink to make Clover's hair. Beautiful. Perfect. Yeah. What does Fenton's look like? It's a pillowcase. Oh, yeah. Fenton's is, everyone else's is so elaborate. And he's like, check it out. And then it's, he's just taken like a piece of charcoal and drawn like a smeary smiling face on a pillow. And he's like.

Perfect replica. And then he takes a little sailor's hat and puts it on. I like that he draws a smeary face on, on the pillowcase and then draws the same smeary face. Now we're exact. On his face. No one will know the difference. And then he takes a belt and he straps it to his back so that the other side is facing out the other side. And he's like, they won't know whether I'm coming or going. Fenton, the whole point is that we leave these here and then we leave. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. And then he puts vampire teeth in his pants. He's kind of. He doesn't understand the process at all. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand what's going on. And I think the stress is starting to get to him. He's overthinking everything. Yeah. Uh, yeah, that's perfect. I mean, it's amazing the color and detail that you put into it considering it's just supposed to be a silhouette. Yeah. That was the part that we, none of us knew. Uh, yeah.

And you have got your, your, your doppelganger dummies ready to go. I think I'm going to go with the two. I think I'm going to go with the two. I think I'm going to go with the two. I think I'm going to go with the two. Sick. Good job, everybody. Yeah. Great job. And then Fenton spins around. He's like, it was the pillow. The pillow the whole time. And now is the time as the sun sets on Highspear, the city of Highspear. Should we do experience? That's what we're doing.

Well, we're going to do entanglements first. Okay. This is from last time. Last score. The Adric Swift one. Okay.

So, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, uh, so, I think I give it one or two give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give low.

Okay. Because every time you guys have rolled high, it's been like, you've been interrogated. Right. Right. Yeah. So you're only rolling one. Alright. Okay, I'm gonna roll. One, one, one, one, one. Six. God damn it. We get the same one every time. Fuck. Oh. We get the same one every single time. That's so silly. Holy shit. Okay, so night has fallen. What are the kids up to? I think we're trying to sneak a B&B back into the mall. That would make sense. Uh-huh. Okay.

So you're trying to sneak out of the Spearmint B&B back into the mall. Yeah. Okay. Are we getting Borbo to put us in a box again? No, because last time he knew that we'd go with Borbo. So we were like, we gotta go alone. So we have to go outside? At night. Alone. At night alone? Uh-huh. Just close your eyes. We can stick together. Yeah, don't let go of my hand, okay? I won't. And then I turn to Franklin and I'm like, don't let go of my hand, okay? Don't let the pillow fool you.

It's, I'm this one on the front. You gotta hold my hand, okay? I'm leaving the pillow behind. No, I'm taking it with me. I need it. And you creep out of the Spearmint B&B out the door. Hanging above you is just this infinite inky black. I like go down on my hands and knees and I'm like crawling and I'm like, hurry up Fenton. Don't let go. And I'm holding on to her ankle and also crawling along. I'm holding on to Clover and trying to lead us out in the dark. We're all wearing one black sheet.

We look like some kind of human centipede. Grab onto anything. Fruits, rocks. I can feel the sky turn really into the wind. I know, but you have to, you have to you have to fight against it. Banana peel, banana peel. And you're crawling for what feels like an eternity. Like weeping into the ground. We were just going in the turnstile at the front door of the Spearmint B&B. Vestibule, roundabout. Like, cut to, to Adric and Borba watching us from the bar.

Yeah, they haven't even left the bloody building. Yeah, they'll get out of there eventually. This happens all the time. We have to take breaks on the way because we're hyperventile. Yeah, and Adric is like, your children are quite fucked up. Yeah, they're not my kids, but yeah, they are. And you eventually do start crawling in a straight-ish line going in the direction of what you think is the entrance that you're trying to use, like a side door basically.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so dizzy from all the oxygen. I can barely breathe. From all the oxygen. I can barely breathe. There's too much oxygen out here. You're suffocating because we're under a sheet. And Fenton is like singing to himself to make himself calm. He's like, Can I find my baby? Can I hold her tight? Franklin's just counting.

1, 2, 3, 4, 2, 2, 3, 4, 3, 3, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4 A low wall smoking like a long pipe is an older man with short gray hair and a short gray beard and pointed ears and a green jerkin.

Jerkin? Jerkin? That's the real word. What's he doing? He's wearing a green leather vest and he's looking at you. You're just kids. Yeah, kids who kick your ass. What's it to you? You're the ranger. And Fenton looks up and he's like, you look like a delf. I don't know what that means, but. It means a dude I'd like to fuck. Better have a dad I'd like to fuck. What? A dad? Why would anyone want to fuck a dad? I think our moms do it all the time. Yeah, the balls are all loose from giving birth.

We just kids know nothing. No. Clearly not. That makes sense because then their balls hold the baby. Yeah, yeah. Wait, does everyone get born as twins then? Rock-a-bye baby balls. There's our twin. Fenton puts his hand in it and he's like, triplets? Jesus Christ, guys. We're getting pretty far over the line here. No, Fenton, that's a Werther's. Stuck to the side of his sack. Fuck. Twins then. Oh, twins then. Jesus Christ.

When I took this job, I really thought I'd be tracking down some dangerous people. But you're just a bunch of kids. We're pretty fucking dangerous, dude. Yeah, we're pretty messed up. Forgive me if I don't believe you. Forgive you if you don't know what's going on in here. And Fenton points at his head and he's like, It's a fucking madhouse in here. Yeah, watch this. And then I throw a bunch of candy floss. And it just, he doesn't move as it sails around him.

I mean, usually my aim's pretty good, but you know, we're outside and the sky's probably sucked it up. Yeah. You know what? The least you assume about us, the better for us. Yeah. What did you kids do to piss off someone like Tina Durger? Tina will mind her own goddamn business. Yeah. She'll keep her grubby hands off of our house. And we're just doing what normal people would do to protect their home. She's just trying to oppress us because of her mean mom. Look at Clover.

She used to have all purple hair. And then Tina fucking put her in jail. She like tosses her hair back all emo-ly. And she can see her purple roots now. Yeah. That's a real, it's a real shame. Look, dude. I don't give a shit what Tina Durger told you about us. We're the baddest motherfuckers in this mall. And you know what? You can fucking kill me and I'll prove it to you. And then Brenton puts himself in front of the other two. And he's like, kill me.

And he turns to the other two and he's like, Come on, guys. He's going to be too busy killing me. I'm not going to kill anyone. Kill me. Kill me, dude. Kill me with your arrows and your bows. Are you finished? No. Not till you finish me. Dude. Finish me. Finish me off. Finish him. I can't. I can't believe that this is where my life is. He gets up and he like taps his, he taps his pipe on the wall that he's sitting on and tucks it into a pouch on his belt. I hope.

I mean, look, I've been paid for a job. I'm going to finish the job. Whatever it is you kids are up to. For some fucking reason, I haven't been able to figure out what. I'm going to have to stop you. Well, good luck. Good luck figuring that out, mister. You can't stop something that doesn't know what it's doing either. You think the storm has a point? It just rages on. Hell yeah, Franklin. That's deep. We're going to rage on. Yeah. And then Fenton shoves the vampire teeth in his mouth.

You haven't even dreamed of odd night moves. All right. Well, good luck, kids. I'll see you soon. Yeah. Before I see you soon, I'm like backing up towards the door. He turns away and he walks under a streetlight. Walk away. I know. I know you're too scared of us, but one day, one day you're going to have to face us. He passes out of the light of the street lamp and is immediately swallowed by darkness and disappears. Oh my God. Oh my God. Get on their sheet. Get on their sheet. Run, run, run.

Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. And we're trying to act cool. I'm trying to act cool. Yeah, you got it right. I've got like cold sweats. And I'm just like, you wouldn't want to be out there. And then Fenton comes out from under the sheet. And he's like, I've been turned into a vampire from outside. And they all scream. And they run away deeper into the mall. That was awesome.

And the camera pulls up as we see a group of kids sprinting into the mall screaming. And Fenton chasing them with his hands up. I'm wearing the cape still, by the way. Yeah. Around the neck of the pillow. It's like eight feet long. Yeah. I love that. That's where we're going to end things for this episode. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdul Aziz. We're recording this on Halloween. Okay, that's why this is happening.

Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Playing Clover Ivy, Fern the Whisper, Jessica Tai. Take care. Man, we really could have made this more Halloween-y before. I forgot. It's a Halloween episode now, I guess. Oh, that was pretty… That's a good, spooky, old-timey laugh. Yeah. As the credits are rolling, you hear, I was working in the lab late one night, and I rise beheld of the early sight. Thank you to patron and listener Quinn for the intro and outro music.

So cool, so sick, and so kind of them to do that for us. And thank you to you, our Patreon supporters around the world for supporting the show. Without whomst, this would not happen. Thanks for listening. We'll catch you next time.

And so ends the tale Of the cool treat kids Always up to no good So tiny and greedy And angsty they be As they navigate crime and puberty And though our journey may belie a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to the chocolate store As the cool treat kids will be back And for you, I'll gladly spout mom

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound Their wares are famously tasty Here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets She has a corn dog addiction Benton's the slide, she sleeps the same And rice can fire a fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends Endless in clothes For the tale's about to start Should we start?

Yeah, we can start. Hi everybody and welcome to Should we do that again? Start again? Do it again, sure. Hi everybody and welcome to Speltmore Did you say pie everyone? Can we do that again? You said pie everyone. Hi everybody. I'm pretty sure I'm saying hi and you guys are stopping my flow every time. Cake everybody. Hi everyone and welcome to Speltmore Mall Brats. I'm your game master Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Fen Beasley the slide, Abdul Aziz. Hi there. Fuck. Fuck you guys.

Playing Franklin Stein the cutter, Paul Hoppers. Hello everyone. And playing Clover Ivy Fern the whisper, Jessica Tai. Hello everyone. Wow. I'm so sorry. Is that what I sound like? Disrespecting the authority of the game right off the top. When last we left our hero. Don't worry, we'll do it at the bottom too. And in the middle of my sentences. When last we left our heroes, the cool treat kids. Say what you're going to say. No, I was just stretching my mouth.

Well, it looked like you were going to talk. I did. Centering breath. This is the vibe that will be as we're going into the chocolate factory with Adric. He's just going to be like, oh my God. What have I agreed to? This is possibly more chaotic than I want. What a mistake I've made. The cool treat kids took a little downtime after convincing Adric Swift, adventurer extraordinaire, to guide them through the chocolate factory that has been their neighbor and toilet for lo these many years.

To recover an ancient dark chocolate reserve and therefore undercut the plans. Of the vineyard and also Tina Durger. They undertook a variety of downtime actions. Clover got some corn dogs thanks to a door dash by Borblow to relieve a little bit of stress. Fenton learned a bunch of information in that the cool treat kids were being surveilled by Shathane Wick. Yeah. Mercenary private investigator hired by Tina Durger to observe the cool treat kids. Yeah.

And also learned that Adric Swift might be here on a grander, what's the word? Scale? Scale? Yeah. Yeah. Like he's. Part of a larger purpose. Seeking out dangerous magical things and making them less dangerous however he can. Because he's a mender. Jumping to conclusions. Mm-hmm. And Franklin Stein learned that inside the candy factory lie many creatures. Including? A woman made of melting chocolate perhaps. Mm-hmm. Beasts in the river. Candy spiders.

Various creatures mutated from the magical confections that lie within. Yeah. Loose moose pit. Yep. The loose moose. So we can all wear skis and then we can just ski right over it. Okay. Yeah. That's. So you're gonna. Seems. So you'll all wear skis the whole time. Just in case guys. Just in case. Yeah. Slowing you down every other way. Well then otherwise why have I been making all these skis all this time? Well what if we all wear skis? Well what if we all wear skis?

Well what if we all wear skis? We all wear a different pair of types of shoes you know so we can make a quick getaway and just hang on to one person. Oh. Yeah. I'll roll. I'll wear the roller blades. I'll roll. I'll wear the roller blades. I'm being prepared for all sorts of terrain. I like this. Thank you. Uh huh. And on their way out of the mall Clover set up a home alone Christmas party style diorama distraction. Yeah.

To throw off the trail of Shethaenwyck from their erstwhile companion Adric Swift as they made their very hurried way back to the home alone. To the Highspear Mall itself. To the Highspear Mall itself. To the Highspear Mall itself. Because we didn't want to implicate Adric. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Or be outside anymore. Uh huh. Yeah. And you did go outside. And you did go outside. And you did go outside. Yeah. Of your own volition for the most part. Yeah. Of your own volition for the most part.

Yeah. Absolutely terrified. Poor Vogue kind of forced us to. And you ran right into Shethaenwyck himself who was dismayed beyond belief to learn that he was hunting children. And he told you that while he wasn't going to do anything to you, he had to stop you. And he told you that while he wasn't going to do anything to you, he had to stop you. And he wished you good luck on your adventure. Pretty cool. And that is where we find the Cool Treat Kids now. Back in the mall. Back in the mall.

Preparing for your expedition. Yeah, we're in the tunnels. I'm in the tunnels. I'm also there. Okay. And I have one of those cartoon ice bags on my head. Yeah. Recovering from outside. I got some sort of sickness just breathing that air. It was too much. My sinuses feel so open. And it's just dizzying. Fenton's like, yeah, mine too. He says in his nasally voice. Franklin's breathing into a bunch of different paper bags that he found. To get the oxygen out of his blood. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God.

And what's the, like, you're all just kind of recuperating a little bit. So the expedition is what, tomorrow? As soon as possible, yeah. While I have the ice bag on my head, I'm at the whiteboard again. I'm making our plan. Right, yeah. I'm drawing a map. I'm going to go out for Adric Swift. He's got Taylor on his shoulder. And we are presenting our domain to him. Yeah. And this, Adric, is where the magic happens. And there's Greg slash Borbo's futon. The sofa bathroom. They share it?

Well, it's, I mean, Greg owns it, but Borbo's been the one sleeping on it. Yeah. Okay. And Greg's, like, science zone. Mm-hmm. With all the mushrooms growing. Yeah. And tubes of glowing stuff. Yeah. And cool lamps all lining the tunnels. Yeah. And this over here, Adric, is my burrito hole. This is the corner I go cry in and I eat my burritos. Huh. And this, Adric, is my library of vampire fan fiction. And then I pull a satin sheet off a bookshelf that is full. Wow. Where did you get satin? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And this is where you live. For now. We more dwell down here. Interesting. All right. Tell me your plan. Let's hear it. And he walks over to a barrel, just a metal barrel that you have, and he takes out a handkerchief and lays it on the barrel and then sits on the handkerchief. So we want to enter from the rear. Yeah. Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Excellent.

And then we want to sidestep here past the bathroom, the good bathroom. Uh-huh. So there will be some smells coming out. I would suggest wearing a mask at that point. I like that specifying the good bathroom was the thing that was like, it's the good bathroom, so it's going to stink. It's going to smell bad. The other way in is through the sugar shack. That's true. Yeah. But it is being watched. Yes. So there's two primary methods of ingress.

But the back way is probably the better way because then we don't cross paths with security. Yes, if the plan here is for you to meddle in the affairs of the vineyard, it is, of course, of the utmost importance that we avoid detection at all costs. From behind it is. I wish you would stop saying it like that, but yes, from behind. And here's the thing, Adric. Swift, is we also have support. We have earned the loyalty of many of the kid gangs, like the shadow cloaks. And the nerdier ones. Yeah.

Oh, right. Study group. How many children are you planning on bringing into this extremely dangerous jungle atmosphere? As many as we need to lose. I, if I'm being completely honest. Barely wanted to bring you three. Okay. Uh-huh. So let's maybe limit it to essential personnel. Okay, but just know that if we need cannon fodder, we can't access that. If we need to sacrifice more children, I will let you know that there are more lambs required for the slaughter.

But as it stands, perhaps we will keep things tight. Okay. And you can tell, like, some, like, Adric seems. More tense and less jovial. Are you scared? What? No. Why would I be scared? I do this kind of thing all the time. I've been doing it for centuries. You seem more tense than normal. I'm fine. Well, your shoulders are like, like this, like up by your ears and your eyebrows are really close together. He lowers his shoulders and he slackens his eyebrows. I don't know what you mean.

You're denying the observations of children. Enough children. Enough. Kids. Questions. Hey, we're the boss here. We know what's going on. There it is again. There's that look on your face. Ugh. And I would like to use either study or survey or consort to figure out how he's feeling. Depends on what you want to use. I want to read his micro expressions. So that would be, yeah, study. Okay. Study. Is me looking at him, trying to size him up. My dad told me. My dad taught me how to size up a pig.

What? He taught, my dad taught me how to size up a mark. He, his venting goes into a flashback in his head. It's like, my dad would make me stand on the shop floor at the scarecrow, uh, store, dealership. And he'd make me watch people walk in and he'd make me size them up. He taught me how to size up a customer just by looking at them. And that's what I'm going to do now. Uh-huh. I'm going to figure out what this guy's deal is. Oh, those are failures. Oh, these are failures. Yep.

That's a failure. So he notices you watching him, basically. Like you, so you're, you're standing back there. You steeple your fingers and you're staring at Adric as he is speaking. Yeah. You put on a monocle and he just kind of snaps at you a little bit. I'm fine. Whoa. Okay. Don't yell. This is a dangerous place that you are forced. This is a dangerous place that you are forcing me to take you into. And I will do it, but I am in charge here.

I will not be pushed around by a bunch of rambunctious little rapscallions such as yourselves. I know that you are used to running your petty schemes and you're used to running rough and tumble with these groups of children, but this is real life. Life or death. Do you know what it's like staring into the razor's edge between living and dying? Do you know what it's like to feel the blood coursing in your veins? Do you know what it's like to feel the blood coursing in your veins?

Do you know that the thing across from you wants that blood? Yes. Yes. Do you? Yes. When we were outside and then the ranger found us and went outside was so scary. I could hear the wolves. So, Adric is clearly pissed off about this and Borobo, it takes this moment to, it looks like he's been working up the nerve and he's like, Excuse me. Actually, I have expedition leader here. I think if you ask these kids, you will remember that they agreed to make me expedition leader. Right, kids?

That's right. Yeah. Absolutely. And who the fuck are you? I'm Borbo Borbom Borblo and I am the expedition leader. Like I just said, who the frick are you, man? And also watch your language. These are a bunch of fucking kids, bro. Very well. I suppose that I am at the whim of a buffoon and his buffoonlings then. That's right. All right. Lead the way, children. Whatever you say. Yeah. Let's load up our gear. Okay. So then this is at this point, we will talk about the engagement and your equipment.

So I assume it sounds like you're all going heavy. Yeah. Yeah. So you have all access to all your shit, which is another reason. Another reason to not go through the sugar shack and the mall because everyone will be like, well, one, they're the cool tree kids. Yeah. And two, why are they carrying so much shit? Yeah. How many pieces is heavy? I think. Five? It should say on your thing. Great. I'm definitely going to take armor. You don't have to choose right now. Oh, what?

I swear to God, we do this every time. So your equipment is nebulous until you decide to check something off. Okay. But it is just assumed that you have stuff with you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

A grappling hook for, for like repelling I just putting this out in the ether, so people know the kind of stuff that we might need to pull the fucking chocolate out of there please continue. Uh-huh. To, like, climb up things or to rappel down things. Mm-hmm. We might need pickaxes to pull the chocolate out. We might need dynamite to blow the chocolate out. Mm-hmm. We might need, uh, ba-ba-ba… Machetes. Machetes to cut through the grass.

And all this stuff could, like, wrecking tools is something the cutter has on his list. Yeah. That could be stuff for blowing shit up. Yeah. Or tearing things down. The Whisper has tinkering tools for working on different sorts of things, you know? Lots of cookie cutters. I don't know. They're really sharp. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. We're gonna need shit to defend ourselves if… Uh, I have armor. Yeah. Uh, so the thing… So the armor is, um, ancient mithril. Hold on a second.

No, hold on just a second. What? I'm allowed to borrow stuff from Greg. Oh, Greg had mithril from military? I'm getting most of my tools from Greg. Yeah. I thought you were gonna say, I'm allowed to borrow from Tolkien. I was imagining a thing, like a flashlight. Flashback to when you were speaking with the shadow cloaks. Oh, fuck yeah. This is a thing that I have recovered from one of my many adventures. It is a, uh, it is a coat of finest mithril. Now, I know what you're thinking.

It is gonna look like it is made out of a bunch of cut-up coat hangers that have been spray-painted. But I assure you, it was crafted by the finest elven mages. Thank you, Rathgar. I appreciate this. I recovered this from a tomb deep in the Deathspire Mountains. From the corpse of an ancient king. Go fuck away. I was but a level four paladin with a level in sorcerer. And I knew that the CR of these creatures was much higher than me. But I persisted. Oh my god.

Franklin always brings popcorn when he visits the close. So yeah, you've got a shirt of mithril. And you also each, you guys remember that you each have special armor, right? What's the special armor? You're the, like the slide. Yeah. He has special armor that you can use against failed, like complications from coercion or suspicion. Okay. Yeah. Whisper has them versus the supernatural. Cutter has special in fight. Yeah. In damage in battle.

May I, cause I, my, my equipment allows for arcane implements. May I have a bag of holding? You may not. Why? Literally, why the fuck not though? Because they don't exist in this game? I don't know. I made mithril exist. I made mithril exist just now. It's not, I'll tell you right now. It's not mithril. Fuck. Can I have a bag, like a kind of a bag of some holding then? Like, like an expandable bag. Yeah. It's a bag with a shit ton of pockets. Holds a lot of stuff.

Well, cause I mean something to consider. Stretchy, like, like those stretchy shirts. Super stretchy. Okay. Super stretchy. Yeah. Spandex sack. Yeah. Spandex sack. It's from the mech in the mall. I do like also that we're all, we all have huge backpacks on. Yeah. Like we look like little Sherpas. Uh huh. Yeah. You're all like jingling and jangling. You look like Frodo and Sam as they're getting ready to leave the Shire. We're all on our gap year. Uh huh. Yeah. Yes. Exactly. Yeah. Heading to.

Thailand. Thailand, baby. And Fenton like snuck into the mall and he took like a giant brimmed tilly hat. Uh huh. So you look like a, like a 19th century traveler. I look like, I look like those old explorers. Yeah. Super wide. Who like went into the pyramids. Yeah. I, oh, and I, I'm also wearing those tan like outfits that like the British explorers used to wear. Uh huh. Steve Irwin. Yeah. Steve Irwin style, but mine are shorts. Yeah. That's what they wore.

The shorts and they also wore like woolen socks up to their knees. Yes. I'm just, they're dressed exactly like a British explorer. That's so funny. Yeah. And I have a wrist mounted crossbow. Uh huh. Wait, what? Hold on.

I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm I was reading something when you said wrist mounted crossbow.

You haven't said if it's decorative or not. Yeah, totally. It was another gift by Rathgar the Night Blade. Yeah, what are we all wearing? Yeah, what are you guys wearing? Wear because I just… No, I love it. This is my fucking outfit. Franklin's in like full, like, 80s commando camo. Oh, sick. With a red bandana. He's looking like real Rambo in the candy jungle thing and like, like smearing chocolate pudding on his face. Nope. Nope. No. It's cool that you've got chocolate pudding on your face.

It doesn't look like blackface. No, it's just the two lines. It's really dark. It's dark chocolate pudding, so it just looks like, yeah, like football players. Yeah. And you have like painted on scars everywhere and tattoos and like a snake tattoo. Oh, cool. And then like a heart with a mom and a question mark. Fenton did these with a pen. Yeah. Beautiful. Took a while, a few hours for us to get ready. Yeah. And Adric has been watching this fucking gear up process for six hours. Yeah.

Bandeleirs. Way too baggy cargo pants. Yeah. So many pockets. They're candy striped, like a candy cane striped. Yeah, you're gonna blend in perfectly. Yeah, that's true. It can't be just like 80s camo. It's gotta be like kind of candy camo. Yeah. What's Clover wearing? I mean, she's kind of like emo-y now, so she's wearing she's like your typical like Pinterest girl explorer. Like she's wearing a black and red flannel shirt. Nice. With woolen leggings and thick wool socks. Black, of course.

No, red. To match the shirt. Tims. Yeah. Timberlands. And then a toque, of course. Of course. Yeah, a black toque. And a shirt that says like Rhino coffee. That she stole from a coffee shop in the mall. Nice. Yeah, this is the cleanest she's ever looked. Yeah, you look like you're an Instagram model. I don't know what that is, but thank you. I don't think you should bring that Pomeranian with you. Why not? It's part of the look. I feel like it will slow us down or maybe get killed.

Should I bring the Pomeranian or should I bring the husky? Also, whose dogs are these? Let those dogs go. Let those dogs put them down. But how will they find their way back? They'll know. They'll know. Okay. She puts them down. They run like terrified away. She's down into a tunnel. Well, can I at least bring this? And she has a huge water hydro flask. An enormous hydro flask. Yes. Bring that for sure. We definitely do need that. Okay. I don't really drink water.

I don't know why I thought of this. None of us do. Who knows why or how water will come in use. You know what? This doesn't feel natural to me, so I dump out all the pure water and I fill it with kombucha. I'm like, this is better. Yeah. Borba's like, oh, okay. Yeah, and Borba has not changed his clothes at all. He's still wearing shorts. He's wearing a tank top. Classic. Yeah. He's got his security crop top on over his tank top, but he's crossed out security and wrote expedition leader. Nice.

And then he's got a huge backpack covered in pots and pans and has like water bottles carabinered to it. And then he has a baseball bat that he's just like slipped into a loop. Are there, is there like nails through it? Yeah, he put one nail through it. Wow. Well, he tried to put one nail through it so that it doesn't go all the way through the bat. It's just the like flat part of the nail kind of poking out a bit. It's kind of bent too. Yeah. He bent it. Fuck this.

It's bent and then slammed into the wood of the baseball bat. Still gonna add some damage. Yeah. Right. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. And then Adric looks, this is like business Adric. He's wearing close fitting but very high quality leather armor. Like he's got like a leather vest and then like arm pads strapped to his arms and then like tight like leather greaves and thigh guards all the way down his legs. Pouches all around. Wow. He's ditched the cape. He doesn't have a hat on.

Well, he has like a small cap that he's like keeping his hair out of his face with. Whoa. And then he's got his sword and his bag and Taylor's perched on his shoulder. And when we see him, we're like, oh. What? Wow. You're like a real person. What do you mean? Like we feel like we're in costumes now. Yeah. No, children, you look excellent. His mood has changed. It's like, children, you look excellent. The very picture of adventuring couture. Really? Yes. Look at all the things you're wearing.

Okay. Different styles. You've got the brute, the muscle. The sinking shoulder. No, the survival. Look at, pick yourself. Up, boy. And he puts his hands underneath your armpits and picks you up. Look at this. You've got your headband. Keeping the sweat out of your eyes in the heat of battle. You've got this candy camouflage, which is brilliant. I should have thought of that. Really? Yes, this armor. I'm going to stick out like a sore thumb, my boy. And you. Yes. The explorer. Yeah. Sharp-eyed.

Intelligent. Thanks. And prepared for anything. Presumably look at this bag bursting with possibilities. Thank you. I appreciate that. And then Fenton like shoulders the backpack on and then turtles immediately. Like little pots and pans hanging off of it. His legs are wheeling in the air above him. And he's making a turtle noise. And you, young lady. Yeah. Clearly the heart of the group. The thing that binds all of these disparate folk together.

And you can see the forethought that you have put into your comfort, your ease of movement. Quick. Agile. Reacting to threats at a moment's notice. Always ready for a photograph. The chronicler. The one that will come out with a trove of knowledge in her mind. I'll do my best. Oh, I know you will. I know you will. And you. And he turns to Borbo, the guardian. Ready to lay down your life for the ones you love. I know that we can count on you to face these threats head on.

Bat in hand and song in heart. And he claps Borbo on the shoulder. And Borbo's like glaring at him. And he's like, thanks. And he claps him on the shoulder. He goes, I'm proud of you, my son. And Borbo's like, I gotta go. I'm really bad. Father. Father. All right. He grips the sword. Let us commence. I am ready for adventure. All right. To the rear. In through the rear, I say. And out through the hole. Soaking wet if need be. All right. I know you're young.

You don't know what you're saying, but stop. I'm begging you, please. Now you'll be doing the engagement roll. We all know the engagement roll. So first we need to think of the… You keep saying, you guys know what the special armor is. Oh, engagement rolls. Here we are again. I'm just, I'm assuming that at some point over the last two years, you guys have learned some of the rules. The terms seem familiar. They really do. Okay. So first we have to figure out the plan.

What kind of plan we're doing here. So there's assault, deception, stealth, occult, social, and transport. I have a feeling it's stealth. I don't know transport. Yeah, I was thinking transport. So stealth is trespass unseen and transport is carry cargo or people through danger, I guess. I think it's the second one. We're not going anywhere where people will see us. Right. Yeah. So it would be transport. That's true. Okay. So then the detail is the route and the means. Well, we know the route.

Yeah. So we have… Through the rear. And the means of transporting is a goat cart. That's the plan? Is we're going to load up a goat cart with chocolate? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We got that like five episodes ago or something. Yeah. The goat cart's been around for a long time. Yeah. Okay. Then we have the route and we have the means. So then we undertake the engagement roll itself. You start with one dice for sheer luck. Modify the dice pool for any major advantages or disadvantages that apply.

Is this operation particularly bold or daring? Yeah. Yeah. Super. No one's ever gotten in there. Yeah. Take plus one. Is the operation overly complex or contingent on many factors? Yeah. Wait, is it though? Well, you're going into the chocolate factory and then you're taking the chocolate out. I guess it's not that complicated. Like we basically like it's like one way. It's just stuff might happen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We don't have to trick a person and then doing this and then like dress up.

Yeah. Mr. Gilbert. You're not timing a bunch of stuff. It's just it's about as simple as your plans have gotten. Really? Yeah. Okay. No, no complication. Then yeah. So you get two dice. I see you all. All gathering dice. That is not how this works. But we're keeping track each on our own. Okay. Does the plans detail expose a vulnerability of the target or hit them where they're weakest? Yeah. In the in the sense that the target is actually the vineyard and Tina Durger. This is a vulnerability.

Is this chocolate and it will hit them where they're weakest where it's like they just don't have they won't have like the whole like one of the basis of their plans. And way over leveraged financially. So I guess yeah, do we it's if we consider the target the vineyard or the chocolate itself is the vineyard. I would say it's the vineyard. I like the vineyard.

All right, then it's plus one die is the target strongest against this approach or do they have particular defenses or special preparations? They do not. I don't think I mean, I would well, she thing and I would argue that the chocolate factory itself is a defense. Oh, yeah, you're right. So overgrown nature. Yeah. So lose one die for that. Fuck. Can any of your friends or contacts provide aid or insight for this operation? Yes. So many people have helping us. Adric. Adric.

Mindy gave us the cart. Yeah, that's true. We got backups if we need. Yeah. Mithril. We have human shields waiting in the tunnels. Yeah. Okay, then yeah, take plus one die. Great. Are there enemies or rivals interfering in this operation? Yeah, I guess she think that any account didn't we? Oh, but you mean like for the defenses or preparations? Yeah. Yeah. Like for this specific. I would say she thing counts more as an enemy or rival. That's interfering in the jungle counts as the defense.

Okay, you lose one die for that. Are there any other elements you want to consider? Maybe a lower tier will give you plus one. Maybe a higher tier will give you minus one. We got like sick outfits. So plus one. That's a great point. Well, we do have Adric Swift maybe the most competent adventure in the world. That's definitely for sure. The first mender in the world. Yeah. Wait, jumping to conclusions. But yeah, I see what you mean. You have a hugely competent adventure on your side.

Turned from their side to our side. That's true. So you take plus one die for that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so that's three dice, which means that you're each going to roll one. And remember, what we're looking for is a six is a good result, which means you'll be in a controlled position when the action starts. Okay. A four to five is a mixed. You'll be in a risky position and a one to three is bad. You'll be in a desperate position. Oh, six. Fuck yes. Three. Four. Four. Okay, so six. Good result.

You're in a controlled position when you reach the first obstacle of your expedition. And the first obstacle of the expedition is probably the chocolate river itself. Oh yeah. Yeah. So you head out through the tunnels trekking along. We hear a classic fantasy movie soundtrack begin to swell. Yeah. Orchestral. Wah! And Freddy goes, sorry, there's something in my throat. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba let the bodies hit the floor. Let the bodies hit the floor. We're all humming different songs.

That's so funny. Balls a balls a bang a bang diggy diggy diggy diggy set the boogie set up drop. It's a cacophony that like Adric is just like, this is insanity. He has like an angry veins throbbing in his forehead. He's just so annoyed. Yeah. He's all over the place tonight. He's either in a great mood excited at the prospect of adventure or feeling the knife's edge under his very boots. Yeah. What's going on with him?

He's just, he's you know, after a century or more on the road, it takes a toll on a man. Okay. Yeah. He's a bit of an adrenaline junkie too. Yeah, and he's hot and cold for sure. Like you guys, you saw him in the motel when you met him. Like his movie moods are very mercurial. Yeah. Oh, sorry. What? No. I was just gonna say it would be really uh, maybe like some of the other kid gangs got like word of what we were doing.

Like that we were going to try to save the mall and everyone else's homes by like undercutting the vineyard and we had to go into the chocolate factory to do it. So like as we're in the final tunnel on the approach, there's just like kids there that are like, candles lit. Yeah. Yeah, like they're like clapping. Yeah. And bowing. Hot meat boys. Yeah. Seamus is there. They've got corn dogs lit for us. Yeah, corn dogs lit. Smoldering dogs. Held by grazers. Gross. It's delicious. Smells delicious.

Yeah. The wild nogs are there. The pixie sticks, Kesserin ropes and her, and her ilk. Yeah. Shadow cloaks. The shadow cloaks are there. Yeah, no candles lit. Yeah. The fudgies. Smart. Yeah, the fudgies. The fudgies, they're wearing Phantom of the Opera masks. Yeah. Where do we burn this shit at? Yeah. God. And they all bow their heads respectfully as you, as you pass by on your expedition. I'm weeping at how beautiful this unity is. Mm-hmm.

Adric looks back, Borbo beaming, and Adric looks back at all of you and smiles in an understanding that you mean something to the people of this mall. That he's happy to be here with you. Uh, and you. I'm just so glad so many of you sacrificial lambs showed up for this adventure today. So many children to fuel the fire of our adventure.

Uh, so you leave this procession of your friends, allies, enemies, et cetera, behind you, and you enter the cramped, narrow labyrinth of tunnels that leads to the chocolate factory. You have to, like, army crawl through parts of it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, totally. And as you're crawling, it goes from, like, muddy, gross, dingy water to, like, sloppy chocolate. Mm-hmm. Smells so sweet. It starts to smell sweet, and everyone's like, oh, this is actually quite nice. It's kind of warm.

I have to say, these are some of the finest tunnels I've ever had to army crawl through. Yeah, and Fenton is like, yes, and I certainly have not been licking. Oh, don't worry, my boy. I am deeply tempted. Fenton has, like, a streak on his nose and mouth and shit. We get to that grate that we came in through. Oh, yeah. And Clover just kicks it. Clang! There's no quiet way to do this. And you exit the tunnel, and you enter into this other world. There are sounds that you can't place.

There are animals moving about that you can't see. Smells. Smells. The air is sticky sweet, humid almost. And you reach the crossing. The bridge to this place long since destroyed. It fell away many, many years ago into the waters of chocolate. But this is the thing that separates the good toilet from the rest of… You see the candy grass on the other side of the river. How far do we think the other side of the river is? Far enough that the kids have never tried to get across before. Yeah.

So it could be like, it's five feet. It wouldn't have to be much at all. It's like almost taller than Franklin. Uh-huh. Yeah. So you get to the edge, and there's just candy grass on the other side waving. The dark confines of the factory recede away from you. Oh yeah. Can you describe what we're seeing a little bit more? Yeah, I mean so part of the scary thing here is that for the most part all you're seeing is probably five, almost six foot high candy grass.

Oh, this could be kind of like a swampish area. Yes. Oh, yeah. I was picturing pixie rushes. Yeah. And then the chocolate rivers wind through and split off at certain points, so we'd have to be careful where we step. Yeah. It's sludgy. It's totally… Like we're definitely like ankle deep at least. Yeah. Boggish delta land style. Yeah. Yeah, you see little gusher flies flitting around in the grass, glowing from their delicious juices inside their chewy butts.

And we want to eat it so bad, but we know it's dangerous too. I know. I want to eat that chewy butt. I always want to eat them. And you hear like a as like a little caramel frog hops into the chocolate water. Chocolate frog. Uh-huh. I like that. It's bloop bloop bloop. Uh, and Adric turns to you, settles the straps on his bag, and goes, alright children, the adventure begins. Pavante! And he turns and takes two steps and leaps. Whoa! Holy shit!

Across, and he leaps to the point like, Taylor's wings uh, flip out behind him. He's just like, wah! Boy, his cool little wings for a second. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah. They frame Adric. Angels. Yeah. And he lands on the other side. Wow. And it was actually a crazy jump. He went like twelve feet or something. Yeah, like nuts. Yeah. And Franklin says, alright guys, Pavante! And then he jumps. And does it make it? Or, should I roll? You're in a controlled position. Okay.

So, so we, we can figure out how you're gonna make it across, but it sounds like Franklin just goes for it. Yeah. Yeah. This is my finesse, I guess. Totally would. Yeah. So you're controlled, and it'll be uh, I mean, we said, Abdul just said it was twelve feet across, which is a little further than… Well, he landed twelve feet across. No, he, yeah, it was like, Adric landed twelve feet away. But it's still the same distance. Gotcha, gotcha. So what action are you using?

I am going to use finesse, which is two in my prowess. Finesse. Yeah, I have finesse. Yeah, so how are you using his finesse? Just like, impeccable like, long jump technique. I'm gonna do pirouette. I'm gonna run up and then pirouette spin over. I see. Yeah, okay. Yeah, when you watch someone do like a long jump, it's like their technique has to be perfect. Uh-huh. And I'm gonna stick as I run up to the edge of the on our side, I'm gonna stick in a stake with a licorice rope.

And then I'll jump over. Perfect. Okay. Alright. I got a four and a two. Partial success, you do it but you suffer a consequence. You run out, you leap, you try to plant the stake, and it drops into the chocolate. Guys, sorry! It's okay. I'm sure we can make it. So what are the others doing? I've realized we could probably do like a group action or something like that. Fenton and I could do a group action. Yeah. Sorry guys, I totally bailed. Okay. I just wanted a Havardian jump.

Yeah, that was the thing. It was Franklin just went, I'm going for it! How could we get across? Borbo's over here too, right? You know what? We're gonna do that thing where Borbo like, we step on Borbo's like hands. And he throws us like in a swimming pool? Yeah, he propels us. Yeah, exactly. Like we're gonna, we're pretending we're like going for a dive. Yeah, totally. But we're trying not to get in the water. Yeah. We're trying to get thrown and land as hard as possible.

On the hardest part of the ground. Exactly. When Borbo tries to throw us outside of the pool. Yeah. We flash back to like, we're at the crystal pool. Yeah. And like Borbo's like, I think I can get you guys into the hot tub from here. No way! Oh my god, you have to. The hot tub is 20 feet away. And we're like, absolutely you can. Yeah, just line up kids and remember, I'm gonna whip you hard and you gotta go limp. Yeah. And there's the shot shows us and like our eyes are closed like, yes!

It's clear we're not gonna make it by like seven feet. It cuts away just before you hit the ground. Yeah. Alright, you kids remember what to do, right? Totally. Yeah. Throwing a cannonball into concrete. Oh god. Alright, so we're gonna do a group action which means you're all, you're both rolling the same thing. Which is? You tell me. I feel like finesse is the thing that makes the most sense. That's true, we have to be very synchronized. Yeah. Totally.

Wait, he's throwing both of us at the same time? Yes. Okay. Not what I expected, but okay. And I try to like explain science, which is incorrect, to Fenton and I'm like, look, in terms of like the gravity of us and then the velocity equals speed, so therefore we have to go at the same time. Uh huh. We both need both of our masses for the speed to be twice as much. Exactly. Yeah. Alright. Buckle up.

I like that Borba's also like, I'm gonna fucking throw two kids across this river and it's gonna be wicked. Watch this. Agent Shift is gonna be so impressed with what I'm about to do. Alright. And he crouches down and he holds his hands out. One of you, you each put a foot in. So, you're both rolling finesse? Yeah, I only get one die. And one of you is the leader, so who's the leader? If I have prowess and finesse, like, I get two. Uh, yeah, that means you get two.

Yeah, Clover's obviously the leader on this. Sure, I'll be the leader. So that means that you'll take one stress if Fenton fails. No problem. Yeah. Alright, roll it. Whoa! Three. Three and five. Okay, so five is a partial success. Woohoo! You take one stress because Fenton fails. And the partial success, the consequence of this is what? Borbo is on the other side. Oh yeah.

He didn't even think about it until you got over there, but he like, whipped you over and you're both sailing through the air and he goes, go limp! Go limp! And we go limp and land hard. Yeah, and Fenton has a huge backpack on, so he like, hits the ground and the backpack sandwiches him. Uh huh. But right before that, he was who can say where the wind goes, blowsing. Yeah, exactly. Borblosing. You're like, who can say where the wind borblows? That's excellent.

And then Borbo is standing on the other side and he's looking at the chocolate water and he's hesitating a lot. Borbo, you can make it. What's going on, bud? I don't know if I ever told you kids this, but I can't swim. Sorry, I thought you were going to say, I can't jump. That is such an Abdul thing to come up with. I don't know how to jump. I never learned. Yeah, I can't, uh, I'm gonna find, I'll just find another way around. I'll find another way around. No, Borbo, we need you.

You're the leader. You're security. You don't need to swim. None of us did. Okay. I am expedition leader. You're right. I have to learn to overcome my fear. My fear of swimming in chocolate. It's a fear that I've had my entire life and I have to overcome it now. Kind of seems like it's culminating in this one moment. This is a big moment for me, kids. I don't know if it's clear to you. Borbo, Borbo, Borbo, Borbo, Borbo, Borbo, Borbo.

He walks back a couple steps and then he jump leaps through the air, windmilling his arms. Yes. Go limp. And he goes limp at the last second. And he goes, I'm doing it. I'm overcoming all of my fear. Oh, fuck, fuck, oh, fuck. And he is laying on the ground going, oh, my ankle. Oh my god, what'd you do? I twisted my ankle. I twisted my ankle real bad. Oh, that looks bad. I twisted it real bad. Can we, Clover, do you have anything to help? Set his ankle? Could I use one of my armor as like…

No, your armor is your armor, unfortunately. Okay, what about a tinkering tool? Could I have a tinkering tool? Where I like, make like a little splint or cast or something out of the candy grass? Uh… Yeah. Like a nice wrap? Yeah, okay. So you're gonna roll, this is a roll then. Alright. Okay. Oh, two and six. Oh, six. Okay, so you get the six. Oh, yeah. And you make a little splint out of the candy grass and some stuff you have. Yeah, I kind of weave like a bandage. Mm-hmm.

A long bandage and I tie it tightly around his ankle. Nice. Stabilize it. Nice. And I have candy Can I give him like a… Is there like an analgesic candy that we have? Like a pain reliever? Oh, okay, like a pain… Yeah, you might have a candy that… Yes. But what about like a couple wine gums? Yeah. Yeah. A couple wine gums would work. Yeah. Uh, I do have one like whiskey snap left. Oh, yeah. It works alright. Let's give him that. Alright.

So yeah, check off drugs is what I assume you're checking off. Oh, drugs. Right. A bump of trans powder. Oh, don't you have drugs on… I do have drugs. Yeah. So I just use the drugs Well, I mean, those are… That's candy. Yeah. Like you don't just have actual drugs. Yeah. Uh, he stands up, gingerly puts some weight on his twisted ankle. He's still gonna limp a little bit. Yeah. But he's like, you know what? I don't even fucking care anymore. Nice. This is great. I'm having a blast.

How many wine gums did you give him? I gave him a bag. Oh, wow. You said one or two. Gums. Not bags. What? Solo gums. Oh my god. Hey, hey, hey, hey. The bags are family packs. And you know what, guys? One family is eating these together. A family of mums. I don't know. You know what, guys? It is a family pack because you're my family. Thanks, Borbo. And I feel like I'm… You're my pack. You know? Pack of wolves. He's sitting in the goat cart. Yeah. We have to keep…

We have to try and keep him alive. I'm gonna keep an eye on the cart. I'm not even, uh, worried about, uh, you know, now that I think about pack of wolves, there might be some wolves that's looking for the cart. So I'm gonna sit on the cart and keep an eye out for the wolves. And you know, my ankle feels better than ever, honestly. Stronger than it's ever been. I don't even… Can't even tell that I do have them ankles. I don't even need ankles anymore, I don't think.

I'm just gonna go leg and then foot. If you kids see anything Cool Ranch out there, send them my way. Did you say Cool Ranch? And yeah, now you've got a slightly inebriated Borbo sitting in the cart. He's not gonna be a ton of help right now, but he is. Definitely not the leader of this expedition anymore. I'm a leader. I'm a leader of expedition. Okay, you're the leader for sure, Pet. I'm the leader of expedition. Yeah. Check out my flag. He's holding a wolf flag.

Hey, if you guys see an expedition out there, you come tell me, okay? Sure thing. You get it, but… And, uh, he is now asleep. Yeah. Alright, children. Onwards and upwards, I say. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Clover's quiet meditation room. I'm about to play for you the sound of majestic ocean waves. Aroma, aroma. Flavors, flavors. Style, style. Plates, plates. Oofs, oofs. Tired of the same old breakfast, breakfast. Come on down, come. To oofs, oofs, oofs.

Designer breakfast for designer women. See you there. In the Yesterland food cart. Oofs. Welcome, trainers. My name is Luis. And I am Chris. We welcome all trainers, new and old, to the Purify Podcast. We rant about Pokemon Go, a game we love just as much as everybody else. We like to talk news, updates, and our own experience of gameplay. If you want real opinions about how we play and how we love this game, this is the podcast for you. Check us out on your favorite podcast feed.

With the shopper who owns a white Audi suit of armor, please return to Parking Deck 3. Your alarm is sounding. Well, that was the wrong bottle, so I apologize for that. I'll try that again next time. See you later. Alright, children. Onwards and upwards, I say. What's next on the map? And he unrolls the map. What's the next threat that's been marked down? To cross the bullrush part. Like the long grass and who knows what's hiding in the long grass. Yeah, totally. The tall grass.

Where we got chased by those fucking long-fingered goblins before. Yeah, gross. Alright. So the next part is crossing the candy grass plains. What lurks within these shadowy realms? The last time we came through here, some weird long-fingered creatures were following us. Mm-hmm. They look like, kind of like, elves, but like really fucked up. You already know what those are. I've seen you enter a counseling session with one. Oh, the hobnoblin? Yeah. But the hobnoblin's cute. Yeah, these are wild.

These are insane things. Hobnoblins are monsters. Don't you dare call Rara a monster. And then from my backpack you hear Is he with you? You brought it with you? No. No. Get him out here. That was me I made that noise. Get him out here right now. It's because I just shit my pants and then Fenton goes He'll do it. Young man, get that hobnoblin out here right now. And Fenton throws his pack to the ground and kicks it open impudently. You were so mad at having to get Rara out that you kicked him.

So Rara comes tumbling out? Yeah, and he's like I knew it. I knew that you brought this little thing in here with you. What? Maybe this thing can help us parlay with the other things and talk to them and help us get through. Rara, we need to get through. Send her to call that we're here for no harm. Send her to call and draw attention to all of us right now.

And he salutes and he walks up, he stands up on a little chocolate boulder that's sticking up out of the thing and he puts his big long fingered hands to his mouth. Raaaaaam! Got there just before me. Sorry. No, that's okay. And why would you ever want him to do this? I'm asking. I did not ask him to do this. I meant like put a call out with the Ram Rans or to help us parlay our way through. Exactly, if he's like one of them, they're gonna trust him. Cause they probably know we're here already.

They're not stupid. Well, I mean they actually are very stupid. Okay, fine. But we are stupider. Like you guys have amazingly made friends with Rara but he is a wild animal basically. But yeah, you hear and the grass, the grass starts shaking and then like Two arms! There's like dozens, wait you're gonna fight them? No, I'm just getting ready. Oh yeah. Hands on swords. Wait, wait, wait, we have to come in peace, remember? Yeah, we have to come in peace.

So we have to appear non-threatening says Fenton. So he lifts his belly up and lies down on the ground. Lifts his shirt up to Joe's belly. Franklin starts picking his balls and his nostrils with two different fingers. The least threatening thing possible. Clover does the squat with her hands up like in a prayer next to her face like, we're cool. Yeah, trying to look super cool. Like in Instagram. Yeah, exactly. She puts a pair of wire rimmed glasses on. Less threatening.

And Adric is just watching you all do this. And Fenton's like, get on the fucking ground, dude! So this sounds like it's gonna be a group action because you're trying to calm them. Hell yeah. Pretty risky, I'd say. Yeah, this is risky for sure. I would honestly say almost desperate if it wasn't for Rang Rang. Yeah. So this is, it has thankfully been risky. It's gonna be standard effect. Is this like consort? Oh, consort. I mean, you guys tell me. Consort, I can see being used, yeah. Sure. Yeah.

Okay. So that means I have two. Yeah, so everyone's rolling consort. I have one. And it is, who's the leader? She's got two, excuse me. Okay. I also have two. Oh yeah, and you brought Rang Rang into you. Yeah. Okay, yeah. That makes sense. Oh yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Okay, so yeah, everybody that fails is gonna be one stress for Fenton. Okay, here we go. Oh my god, you're almost taking Doesn't matter! Okay. Five and two. Six. I got one and a three. And a six, thank god. So, uh.

I take one stress? Yeah. Yeah. It also, I feel like you should know this, and I feel like maybe we did know this, but if you, cause I know, if you fill your stress out and take a drama, you're out of the job. What? Whoa! Yeah. That's how it's always worked. Clover wasn't out of the job. Yeah, she was. Oh, shit. Yes, I was. We forgot that. Oh, gosh. Shit. Yeah, so if you take a stress, I have one more stress. So wait, how can you, how do we avoid stress again? Uh, armor. Uh, you can.

Can I use the armor? How? Can you? Cause I have special armor. Cause I. Oh my gosh, what if your armor is a paper mache that you made and it calms you down? Yeah. I mean, I, yeah, you can use it if you want, yeah. Yeah, I'll use it. Okay. So what are the hobnoblins that come out of the candy grass look like? Long, wild hair. They're wearing like candy skirts, like candy grass skirts. Oh, yeah. Candy grass skirts.

I'm a, maybe they're like old, old Scotland and Ireland, like they have like blue whorls, like candy paint on their faces. Like Pictish people? Yeah, like they look like pics. Yeah. Yes, I like that a lot. And they come swarming out and there's like dozens of them. Yeah. You can, and you can see more movement in the grass and they're like And one of them steps ahead from the group and we The largest one? Yeah, and we recognize that there's a familial similarity between this one and Rara. Oh.

And this one is large and is carrying a spear. Wow. Whoa. Uh, with a ring pop that's been sucked to a vicious point. Nice. Wow. He stares down Rara. Yeah, and goes Rara. Whoa. Oh, is this his dad? I don't know. What's Rara dressed as? Just for comedy. Uh, Rara has always kind of dressed the same. He's wearing like a… Paper bag princess style? Yeah, he's wearing a paper bag. Nice. Like cargo shorts that he made out of paper bag, basically. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

But he does have his therapy cardigan on. Yeah, and uh, some Pinsonese glasses. And uh, the chieftain. Of the Hobnoblins is, they're very aggressively like Rarararararara Rarararararara And all the Hobnoblins are like Rarararararara And Rara holds up his hands and goes Rararararara Can we shift perspective to actually understand? Yeah, to English? Dude, I don't know how, yeah, okay. Like the Quiltry kids don't understand it. They just see this rabble happening.

But we wanna kinda go into like Rara world and here. Yeah, exactly. So we're in, we're seeing Rara. Rararararara Father! Rarararararara This, these children are my family. Oh god. I have taken their guardianship under my protection. And we must travel through these lands unharmed or the world around us will be torn to flinders. Rarararararara Rarararararara Uh, they are our last hope. Yeah, oh the destruction of their homeland. Yeah. The impeding doom.

The destruction that came to us lo those many centuries ago shall come to all outside these candy forests. And all the Raras go And his father steps forward. Oh, sorry. They are whom the prophecy foretells. Oh no! There is a hobnoblin prophecy about three shit shit knobs. That like, that an elder says that and he holds up a scroll and it's a picture of Fenton on the ground with his belly exposed. A Gelandus cube with bones inside of it.

They hold up uh, yeah, a a hunched over old hobnoblin elder walks forward with their robe. They are the children from the ancient scrolls! And he holds up a battered piece of cardboard and it's got a painted picture on it. An old faded painted picture. And there is a a brown haired kid wearing like a white hat and shirt and then a blonde kid in a blue shirt and a neckerchief. And then a even darker haired kid in a red shirt surrounding a bowl of what looks like a delicious breakfast cereal.

It's like, I believe that these children represent the ancient gods of Snap, Crackle, and Pop! The stories they tell that these children would come and will save our people. Is this true, Achilles? Achilles? Ray, our answer is Achilles. I believe it is, father. And I think that you must let us pass unharmed. These children will not bring any woe to our people and will in fact be our salvation.

And he bangs his, uh, push pop spear on the ground and the hob noblins separate leaving a path between they push the grasses aside separating this field before you like the Red Sea itself. And shift back to our perspective and what we're seeing is like them hunched over like little dogs snapping at each other and one of them is like gripping a piece of like wet cardboard in its hands. Is that Lucky Charms? And then they all back into the grass. Holy shit.

And, uh, Ra-Ra turns around and puts a fist on his chest and bows to you. And Fenton puts his fist on his chest and like goes to one knee and he goes, I am forever in your debt. And then he grabs your bag and he grabs a big pepperoni out of it and shoves it in his mouth and he disappears into the grass. That's our Ra-Ra. Ba da ba ba da ba. And Adric looks around and goes, I have no fucking idea what that was. But I suppose it's, uh, safe for us to pass through.

There's an entire world of amazing prophecy. I love it. Yeah, I think Ra-Ra cleared the path for us. Alright. So you continue on your journey. The grass is around you smelling deliciously of lemon, lime, orange, various citrus flavors. Oh, it's summer. It's summer in here. Yeah. You can feel it flaking off and you can smell the delicious chemical scent of all these artificial fruit flavors around you. What is the next obstacle? The candy fog. Yeah. Oh. That's cool. Yeah.

And, uh, Adric holds out a hand and bubblegum. And a pink fog. Rolls in around you, surrounding you completely, almost snuffing out your light sources in its potency. Oh. What do you do? You hear in the fog, like, I have a spirit mask, it says in my gear. What is that? I don't know. I don't know either. So, I'll tell you what it is in Blades in the Dark and you can tell me what yours is. So, spirit masks in Blades in the Dark mean you put it on and you can see ghosts. Yeah. Whoa. Great.

I like that very much. Immediately, I thought about, like, the space stickers that, like, glow in the dark. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Wait, what are those? Like, the little stars and planets that you would put that kids would put on, like, the ceilings. Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Or, like, kaleidoscope eyes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's great. Or, put the and. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't have to be or. I know. Yeah. That's great. These are just thoughts. Uh-huh. Glow in the dark kaleidoscope mask. Yeah.

Maybe you set it to different, like, the kaleidoscopes are set to different horoscopes. Oh! Yes! So you can be like, cool. Leo, Leo Mercury. Oh, yes. Or whatever your horoscopes are. Yeah. That's smart. So this is a mask that Clover's made. I made it. Yeah. It was actually a thing that Greg and I did a couple years ago as, like, a little project. Yeah. Yeah. Back when you tried school for a week and they were like. I tried school for a week. And they were like, this is weird.

And they kicked me out because the project was stupid. Yeah, Greg got you into the school, like, the elementary school. Yes. Or middle school, I guess, at the mall. And then, yeah, you got kicked out. I know. Because it was a crafts class and you made this horrific mask. But also kind of works. Yeah, it definitely does work. Yeah, they didn't believe me. They were just freaked out by you. So they were like, get out of here. It scared the other kids so much.

They were just like, we had too many complaints from, like, the rich kids' parents. You can't be in this school. Yeah. Yeah, so the mask is pretty, is actually pretty simple looking. It's, um, black glass. Mmm. Mmm! That I've stuck glow-in-the-dark, like, star and space stickers on. Cool. Just for looks. Because I thought it was cool. Yeah, and it is cool. Yeah, but the eyes are lenses that you would flip around to different zodiacs. Uh-huh.

And the different lens colors are different, like, colors of crystal and stones and stuff. Oh, cool. You can see through. Very fun. And it will, like, depending which one you pick, it'll filter out certain light. Yeah. Colors, I mean. Totally. So you can see through it. Yeah. I really like that she's actually, she's kind of figured out a way of, like, filtering out different light bands. Yeah. Yes. With all these weird colored lenses. Yeah. And this is, like, the bubble gum fog.

So she's working out to take out, like, the red light. Yeah. Oh, that's so cool. Maybe, you remember those goggles that the sniper had? Oh. That was made out of the blue crystal that's, like, maybe. Yes. That's what kind of it is. Yeah. One of the, one of the, like, crystals in there is, like, actually magic, like, it filters out or in magic light. Yeah. Smart. Very cool. Uh, okay, so this is going to be, uh, still risky. Okay.

And probably limited because Clover's the only one that will be able to see you regardless. Like, even if you can lead people, you're going to be leading people that are basically blinded. Right. So what action do you think you're using for this? I think a tune. Yeah, totally. So, and I have one in resolve and one in a tune. Yeah, so that's two dice. Okay. Yeah. Brilliant. Thanks. Wait, how long have you had that thing? Oh, a few years. Oh my god.

Fenton is, is hanging back because he's genuinely scared of it. I've been here for so long and I face, I completely face Fenton. Oh! She looks like a weird space bug. Yeah. Chill out. She took it out for Halloween one year and it Fenton has been fucking terrified of it since. When she turns all the other lenses, like, move out on their own momentum so it's just this freaky face. Four and five. Five, okay. So on a risky, on a four to five, you do it but there's a consequence.

You suffer harm, a complication occurs, you have reduced effect or end up in a desperate position. Wow. So you like mess with your lenses to the point where you're able to see through the fog a little bit. You can't like perfectly see through it but you can see a lot further than your companions can. Yeah. And that is when you clear the fog and you've started leaving the candy grass so it's a little more open around here.

And whatever light amplifying effects the glasses are having make it a little less dark for you too. We're all tied behind her like on a rope like kids at a preschool going for a walk around the neighborhood. Oh yeah. Exactly. Including Adric. Yeah, exactly. He fought but we're like no. Yes. Very important. Yeah. And Borba's like, you're all doing a great job. Thank you, Borba. And that is you set your lenses to the point where you're like, ah perfect, this is what the setting is.

And you are looking right at a horrible candy creature. Whoa. What is it? You had an idea of like a gummy velociraptor. Well that's what I was picturing because of the Jurassic Park vibes of it. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Gummy, gummy raptors. It's got the soft weird outline of a gummy dinosaur. It's a dino-sour. Yes. Thank you. So it's like all jelly-like and then it scales our hard sugar. Yes. Yes. And it's also kind of 2D. Like it's from the front it's a little hard to see.

I was gonna say 2D, yeah. And then turns to the side and we're like holy mackerel, it's huge. It's enormous. But yeah, you see it like crouching low in front of you. Oh boy. And it's stalking towards you. It thinks that you can't see it. And I say, Franklin you're right about the gummy velociraptors. If we hold still it can't see us. Don't move anyone. No, that's not true. It's looking right at us. No, that's not true.

It's kind of doing this like slinking walk towards you so like you see it side on and you're like oh my god. And then for a second when it turns towards you it almost looks like it disappears for a second. Yeah. And then you see it broadside so yeah, what do you guys do? I have my thing. Can you, did you aim for me? Like can you tell me where? To your left. Okay, so this is. I have a slingshot. Yeah, so this is desperate for sure. Cause you can't even see. I have a mega bomb sour ball. Perfect.

Okay, point it more that way. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I get her, like Franklin closes his eyes. Let your eyes be mine eyes. Indeed. No, open your eyes. What are you doing? It's right in front of you. It's a desperate action for one. Clover can see. So it would probably be standard effect if you can hit it. And it sounds like Clover is aiding you. Which means she could take a stress to give you plus one die. Sure, I'll do that. Do I get two? I only have two left but it's probably okay. Nope.

You have two stress you can take. No, no, no. It's not okay. I don't, don't do it. Cause I. Like that's, you're using one of your remaining two? No, I'll have two after this. Oh, okay. No, this is two. There's gonna be a lot of stress I think. Yeah, we're. We have to be careful actually here. We're pushing ourselves pretty hard. Yeah, this is this is uh, this will be interesting. I don't need it. I got the bow. And dice. Okay. Uh, so yeah, what are we, what is it? Skirmish? I guess? Yeah.

Or finesse. Finesse is my prowess. Finesse you're trying to hit delicately? Two die. Okay. Okay. And I have one in finesse and two prowess. Is that three die? Yes it is, yeah. Yes! Four, three, two. The four is a partial success. Uh, so yeah, you with Clover's uh, help. She points you in the direction. You close your eyes. You let the spirit blow through you. Yeah, it hits like the hindquarters of it. Yeah. And whatever, what did you say this was? It was a mega sour bomb something or other?

Yeah, a mega bomb. A mega, a nuclear sour. Yeah, totally. And it like pops when it hits it and blows a little gummy chunk out of its hindquarters. Yeah, part of the tail. It starts hanging off. Oh yeah. And it's just like gooping all over the place. And it somebody make a, uh, dino sour gummy dinosaur noise of pain. Oh, gross. Yeah. Oh, you mean the animal noise? Yeah. But I mean, I didn't hate the like, blop. It's weird little gummy organs.

So you, yeah, you fire your nuclear sour hard ball candy thing. And it blows this section out of the dinosaur's hindquarters and it makes some disgusting gummy reptile noise and tries to angle. It's, you surprised it. It did not expect this kind of resistance from a seemingly wandering pack of children and one man and a drunk 20-something. So what do you do? It's preparing to attack. It's gonna try and charge you. Fenton has his cane sword, so he throws it to Franklin.

And Adric steps forward too. He's got his sword out in front of him. Oh, nice. I like that. I think if we can cut it to pieces, we'll be fine. I mean, it's made of jelly. Yeah. It shouldn't be hard. Yes, that is a, that is a generally in a fight, that is the thing that I try and do. Cut it to pieces. Well, you didn't have to say it like that. I'm sorry. Clover's all embarrassed. No, Clover, I'm stressed out. You're doing a great job. I need you to tell me where this thing is. We're kids.

Sometimes we say stupid shit. No, it's, I'm sorry I'm stressed out. That was rude of me. It was rude of me. Clover, tell me where it is. It's right behind you. What? Just silence. Yeah. How, how do we, how do we handle the actions of a character in a combat situation that is not a player character? It feels like it's Clover's role, cause she's, like a survey, like, or something, like pointing out where it is. I think it's a, or a command or survey. Command. Command. It's command.

You're 100% right. So you command him and then I'll have my rules of my cutting. So I'll roll one for, cause I only have one in resolve. Yeah, so it is, again, it is desperate because he can't see it, but it will be great effect because he is such a skilled sword for, er, standard probably, cause he can't see it. Standard. He can't see it. Yeah. So, four. Four, okay, so then I guess we're gonna do limited effect again where he, like, as you're like, it's right behind you. He's just like, what?

Yeah, he just whips around and brings it up, like, turn and swing in one movement. And you see, it actually slices off the front part of its snout. Yeah. And it just flies off in a big green gummy chunk and goes like, I can't do that, like, gross reptile trill that I love so much. But it recedes back into the fog again and Clover can see it, like, doing the loping run around the edges, trying to find a good angle to attack you from. I wanna use Fen's clean, cane sword. Yeah. I like that idea.

And then also with, uh, another, I'll put three cand- sharpened, uh, whittled candy canes. Sucked candy canes. Gotcha. So I'm going in with a wolverine. Wolverines, yeah. And a sword. He's doing a berserker! I'm using two in prowess and one in, uh, the finesse. Oh, no, skirmish. And is this a group action cause I'm helping, too? Uh, it could be a group action cause everybody's helping. Yeah, I'm commanding, I guess. So I'll do one. Yeah. Okay, so who's the leader? I am.

Okay, so you're taking stress if people fail. Great, I have lots of room. And what, you're all using, what, skirmish? Yep, skirmish. Cause we have to use the same thing, right? Yes, for a group action you do, yeah. Sounds good. Okay. Five. Six. Six. Whoa. Six, that counts as a critical. Yes! Yes! So, describe this. Okay, so I tell Franklin to run up straight ahead. And then, spin to your right! And then I, like, I, Fenton uses math.

Now, he knows math, so he's like, I know, he like, he constructs the scene in his head. Oh. Like, like, I don't know. Like, Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock Holmes. Where he's like, he can hear everyone's voices and he's like, I know where he's gonna be. And he takes the cane sword, and then unsheathes it before he throws it. And then whips it at where he thinks Franklin is gonna be. And as Franklin is reaching out, the cane sword meets his hand. Yeah! Right when it needs to.

And I come down to like, a samurai swing down, and then up with the Wolverine candy claws. Yeah. And you just, you shear it right off at the neck, just whack! Head gone. And as you're like, oh my god, the gummy part is still moving. Like, it's like, no head, but the body still moves. Wolverine claws slice, Wolverine claws slice. Yeah. And then it is just a pile of, yeah, jiggling goo and sugar and corn syrup. And you feel a, you feel a hand grip your shoulder. It's just me, boy. It's just me.

You did an excellent job just then. And he reaches down and he grasps your hand and he pulls you to your feet. Nice. He has my foot. He can't see. He yanks you into the air. Oh shit! Alright. You children. We might make adventures of you yet. Onwards. And I believe that is where we're gonna end it for this week. I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Finn Beasley the Slyde, Abdul Aziz. So long everybody. Playing Franklin Stein the Cutter, Paul Oppers. Take care.

Playing Clover Ivyfern the Whisper, Jessica Tai. Goodbye everyone. Thank you to all of you susporters out there. Susporting this show, it wouldn't be possible if you weren't susporting. So thanks for that. Thank you to Kelly and Kelly Creative in Vancouver for letting us use their incredible recording space this weekend. Thank you to Samuel Quinn Morris for our intro and outro music. An amazing gift that we are thankful for every day. And thank you once more to you for listening.

We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of the Cool Treat Kids. Always up to no good. So tiny and greedy and angsty they be. As they navigate crime and puberty. And though our journey may be lie a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to the chocolate store. As the Cool Treat Kids plan their next score. And for you I'll gladly spout more. And so ends the tale of the Cool Treat Kids. Spout more.

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound Their wares are famously tasty Here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets She has a corn dog addiction Benton's the slide, she sleeps the same And rice can fire a fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends And listen close For the tale's about to start Let's do it.

Okay. Sean, start! I'm trying, I have a mouth and throat full of so many substances. I shoved. All of these substances down my throat without cherry. Hello, everybody. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Spoutmore Mall Brats. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdul Aziz. Hello, everybody. Welcome to Spoutmore Mall Brats. Was not expecting that in a million years. Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Hi, everybody.

We're playing Spoutmore Mall Brats today. Playing Clover, Ivy, Fern. Welcome to Spoutmore Mall Brats. The Whisper, Jessica Tai. The Whisper, Clover, Ivy, Fern. Oh, God. Here to bring you all into our world of fantasy. Complete fucking voice chaos. Yeah. You can swear. You don't have to. I didn't know that. That's going to free me up a fucking lot. Shit. So much of his mental bandwidth was censoring himself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. We are continuing our game of World of Blades by Duan Figueroa based on Blades in the Dark by John Harper. When last we left our heroes, the Cool Treat Kids had begun their expedition in the companionship of Adventurer. And we're all jumping to the conclusion. Founder of the Menders, Adric Swift. I'm glad you're on board with that. I'm not. You guys just keep saying it. So I have to lead you down this path so I can twist it and betray you at some point.

They began their expedition into the chocolate factory to recover the dark chocolate so sought after by the vineyard in their attempt to purchase large swaths of mall property and oust the food court. The expedition was sent on its way by a strangely solemn collection of kid gangs. Oh, yeah. And then also the fudgies who we established were older, but they were still there wearing Phantom of the Opera masks after they'd been burned. By hot fudge.

Thanks to the extremely destructive instincts of Clover Ivy Fern many moons ago. Crossing the chocolate river with leaps and bounds, Borbo Borbom Borblo, expedition leader, twisted his ankle and required some medical attention in the form of inebriating gummies. Adric Swift led the children into the candy grass forests. Borbo asleep in the goat cart that would be used to haul the chocolate back out. Yeah.

Before coming upon a group, a tribe, a clan of hobnoblins living in the candy grass forests. Yeah. Apparently related in some way to Raram, the cool tree kid's best friend. Yeah, aka Achilles. Achilles. AKA Achilles. It would seem son of the chieftain and perhaps future chieftain himself. Yeah. Of these hobnoblin peoples. A collection of hobnoblins is called a senate. A senate of hobnoblins. Oh, that's great. Yeah.

Raram was able to, thanks to a group role in which the kids made themselves as pathetic as possible in an attempt to seem non-threatening. Raram was able to talk down his father and his people allowing the cool tree kids and their companions passage through the grasses. We also found out that there is a prophecy about the children coming to save the chocolate factory. Well, there's a prophecy of three divine figures. This is the thing. How many times does this come up?

Does this come up when three people come in here? Yeah. A lot. Literally like three janitors came by the other week and they were like, the prophecy has come true. They have come to clear the toilets. We then found ourselves deep, deep in a bubblegum fog. Lost, blinded by this deliciously sweet smelling mist. Clover used an extremely complicated and borderline magical set of goggles she apparently made when she was like nine years old.

To see through the fog, discovering, unfortunately, a dino sour. Combat was undertaken. Clover directing people, being the only person that could see. It was eventually taken down due to the quick thinking of the cool tree kids and the extreme brutality of our own Franklin Stein. And that is where we find ourselves now. The expedition continues. The bubblegum fog has remained a bit of a hindrance. The bubblegum fog has remained a bit of a hindrance.

But now that the dino sour has been dealt with, Clover at the head is guiding you through the bubblegum fog. It's quiet for a moment. What are you doing? How's everybody feeling about this? You've now seen what life-threatening creatures lurk within this candy forest. I'm feeling pumped. Feeling great. I'm putting some chunks of dino sours into my pockets. Oh my god. I don't know, just as a snack. Do you do it secretly or just in full view? No, I just don't care.

Adric slaps it out of your hands. What? Don't eat the living candy. If you look at it, it's not living. It's literally just chunks of jello. It was trying to kill you moments ago. Yeah, that's not what I meant. Eat or be eaten, bro. Exactly. That's how it works. We're in the jungle, man. We're in the jungle. This is the law of nature. Okay, alright. Well, don't say that I did not warn you because I'm warning you all now. Don't eat anything that you find in this place.

Franklin's eating the grass. He's got dirt that he found that was delicious. There's a worm, a gummy worm he's had. I'm eating the dino sours as we speak. We've come in here and we've eaten quite a bit. Yeah, when shitty food's out of food, like, and we're desperate, we come in here if we have to. Or if shitty food's serving the borscht, we also come in here. I like the borscht. The borscht is just acid-y bullshit. Okay, fine. I eat the borscht and then we come here. Huh. Alright.

And then he pulls up a radish, a candy radish right out of the ground and just starts eating it. Oh, it tastes like cinnamon. Yeah. We hear this . . . Oh, he's not used to it. Oh, no. Excuse me, children. When you get to my age, you get a little bit of indigestion now and then, you know what I mean? It's like drinking the water in Mexico. Like, the locals are fun. Oh, that's true. But you can't do it if you're not from there. I'm not terribly worried about it before.

I've had diarrhea on every continent in this planet. Same. I've shit in nearly every nation to grace the face of this sphere. Yeah, we've done something similar. Have you ever heard of the toilet section of the Home Depot? We're not allowed in there anymore. We invented that. We're actually the reason Home Depot has working bathrooms at all. And you continue on through the fog.

The deeper in you get, the more you're starting to see the actual infrastructure of the chocolate factory inside the jungle. Like, you'll like, pass through a licorice bush section and you'll see like a conveyor belt that moves off into the distance. Still running? Overgrown. There's the pillars holding up parts of this factory. Like, they're disguised as trees. And candy floss hangs off of them. Yeah. I like that a lot. Yeah. Very cool.

And some of the candy, so we're in this like pillar candy tree forest now. It's like getting, like the trees are tall. They're not super close together. It's like they're set very evenly. And the candy floss hangs down and some of it's like overgrown. It's like Spanish moss, like hanging moss from the branches. And it's like knitted together over the years and has created this like semi-impassable area of forest. Hey, unlike that old security guard near the cage.

River, this old man's beard is edible. Well, that answers my question. What do you do? Is your plan to just eat your way through this forest? No. No, we can't stop and eat everything. It'll take us years to get where we're going. That's a good point, Fenton. Maybe let's grab some sticks and see if we can like wind some of this out of the way. And then take it with us. Yeah. Okay. You can light it on fire like torches. Yes. Smart. Oh, I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.

I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. Oh, it's a beautiful like blue and purple. It changes colors. Yeah. We make torches. Cool. Well, I mean, you're going to have to roll for one. Okay. So this is, I mean, as anything, it's risky. I mean, it's going to take you a long time to like roll up a bunch of stuff enough that you'll get through. And this feels like a tinker too, a group action. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

It could be a tinker group action. You could, some of you could do roles to set up other people. Like if Clover wanted to do like a tinker, for example. To like. Find some sticks and make little things that would wrap stuff up faster. It could improve, like it would be great effect for Franklin instead of standard effect. You know what I mean? Sure, I'll do that. Yeah. I'll survey to get Clover the implements she needs to make the best possible cotton candy. Okay. Yeah.

So that would make your role controlled. Okay. So you're going to do this role first. Yeah. And if it succeeds, it will be a controlled. Okay. So I'm going to, I'm going to look for the shit. You turn it into cotton candy. No problem. I'm going to be the candy person. And you set it on fire because you're the psycho. All right. You know what? You guys have changed my mind. It's a group action. You can all roll tinker. We'll do it with one. Who's the leader on this? I am. Clover.

Which means you take stress if people fail. Okay. Do you have stress to take? Sure. Uh oh. How many do you? No, because remember we're done if you take too much stress. I have three. So you could. I could take both. Yeah, you could take both. Okay. Okay. But not all three. Okay. Come on guys. Six. Six. Six. I got a four and a five. Okay. Well that's still a critical success. Yes. So you, uh, yeah, you mark two more ticks on your clock. Ooh. So we're at five now?

Uh, yeah, you're at five of eight. We're really moving through this jungle guys. Yeah, we are. Huh. Nothing's going to go wrong from here on out. How could it? Fenton says, and then he stands up on the cart. He stands on Borbo who's still passed out in the cart. He's like, you hear me? Candy factory. Nothing you do. Will ever stop us. Aedric reaches up and grabs you and yanks you off the cart. What are you doing? I am declaring my dominion over this magical forest.

And also I had too much sugar on the way up here. He kneels down as Franklin and Clover are, uh, make like rolling up candy floss into like little torches on sticks. Aedric kneels down in front of Fenton. Fenton. Remember? Yeah. I remember how, uh, like 45 minutes ago, a gummy monster tried to kill all of us. Yes. And we're also being potentially tracked by a dangerous private detective slash Ranger, right? Oh, right.

His very skill set is based on the fact that he's able to move through dangerous and overgrown natural slash magical environments. Well, you keep saying how dangerous it is. That's exactly why I've been leaving this trail of Scotch mints so that we can find our way back to the beginning. We've got this covered. Aedric closes his eyes and stands up. Okay. It is mine. He's like, I'm going to have to fight Shatane. This guy's going to try and kill all of us. All right. Okay. Now I, you know what?

Things are more clear than they were a moment ago. I'm going to have to go. I'm going to have to go. I'm going to have to go. I'm going to have to go. I'm going to have to go. I'm going to have to go. I'm going to have to go. So you have your torches? We sure do. Hell yeah. Franklin lit them up. Woof. Franklin, I can't help but notice that you're eating yours. I know that that part's not on fire now, but it will be later. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. Let's press on children. Press on.

You carry on traveling through this cotton candy forest just like burning away candy floss as you go with your brand new torches and you're walking for another, I don't know, minutes and you start to hear like water but like thick like thick water rushing in the distance and you get to the base of what does indeed look like a mountain it looks like it is a network of conveyor belts but over time whatever happened whatever chocolate logistical pipes were at the top stuff like tumbled down off the broken and disused conveyor belts and started solidifying and piling up so it's created this mountainous structure there are these cliff sides and uh roosts and peaks clefts valleys all this kind of stuff but sort of miniature yeah it's like an indoor climbing gym made of chocolate yeah exactly and uh the thing that makes it a little difficult is you know the chocolate that you're probably looking for will be at like the mouth of whatever this liquid chocolate fountain is so there is conveyor belts that go up to a point but then they are covered in this running chocolate that is like pushing it back down no so what's your mountaineering expertise like children I have a grappling hook oh yeah pretty good do you do you have a grappling hook don't we all I have a lightning hook it says on my paper yeah you sure do what is a lightning hook um it's just a grappling hook but it's got christmas lights attached to it oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!

Oh oh oh I For decoration and practicality. It's how people hang their Charles Eve lights. Oh, yeah. I see. All right. Well, that will do. I mean, we've got the one. Perhaps we can all make use of it somehow, but it's going to take us some time to get up this mountain, children. I'm sure you understand. This thing is probably not the most structurally sound, and who knows what the machinery will do when weight is pressed upon it. So, I shall watch you go first. Sorry?

And it's at this time that Borbo, you're all reminded Borbo is here, the goats having pulled him along in the cart all this time. Oh, my gosh. I didn't know that goats were attached. That's so cute. Oh, yeah. You've got two little goats that pull it, and Borbo's like, all right, you guys go. I'm going to hold down the fort down here. And he grabs his backpack and he fishes out the baseball, and he starts swinging it in front of him. Nobody's getting near this fucking cart. Okay.

I'll watch these goats with my fucking life. Would it make sense to send the goats up the mountain first, since A, they're so nimble, and B, you would test the weight? That's smart. That is quite smart. Let's see what the goats do. Okay. I see you rolling dice. What are you rolling? Resolve. Command. You're going to command the goats. Yeah, Mindy gave me these goats, and when she gave them to him, she said, you do whatever this beautiful boy says. Okay.

Yeah, so it's risky and it's limited because these are goats, and they're not. Easy to command. Okay. Four. Four. Okay, so on a risky limited, you still command them, but there is a consequence of some kind. They don't come back. We have to pull the cart out of here. That's hilarious. Oh, yeah. So you see the goats start. They walk towards the chocolate, and they lick the base of it, and then lick the base of it. I shouldn't have said that. Do they also climb up the shaft of it?

They pay special attention to the balls. They start chewing on the chocolate that's at the base of the structure, and they hop up onto a conveyor belt and walk, walk, walk, chew, chew, and you just watch them for, I don't know, probably 10 minutes as they climb up this mountain. Yeah, we kind of forget that this is a tester, and we're like, oh, it's so cute. Oh, look, he made the jump. A natural environment. Look at him go. Their ability to balance is nuts. I know.

It's like they climb up sideways like that. It's so cool. And then we hear, and a giant flying creature comes in and grabs one. A condor? Oh, no. Oh, no. And one grabs the goat and flaps away with the goat into the darkness. And the goat is screaming. And you, yeah, all right, that happens. So now I'm going to go ahead and start another clock real quick. Clover hates it. She's like. I don't want an animal to die. I can't believe this. I'm supposed to be a vegan. I shouldn't even be using goats.

This is what you get for using beasts of burden. And in the distance, you hear like, as it sounds like there's a crash in a candy tree, and it sounds like the goat has been deposited in a nest nearby. Okay. Still alive. Yeah. Freaked out in a tree. But then you hear like. Oh, no. As it starts coming back around. What do you do? I have lights out licorice. Can I throw it at the goat and shroud in darkness? I might need that for a fight. And that's also not what lights out licorice does.

Careful, children. When fight facing an enemy capable of taking to the skies, you have to take special care. Do something. All right, fine. And as it. Swoops down at you. It's feathers. Yeah. Look like that. Like rainbow candy tape stuff. And its beak is. Saltwater taffy. Saltwater taffy. But like hardened on the edges. Like it's stale. Saltwater. Saltwater taffy. And it's got talons of shining. Werther's. Oh, yeah. That's ugly. No, it's Werther's. Okay, fine. Butterscotch talons. Yeah.

Butterscotch talons. And you. Say. Do something to Aedric. And he goes. Oh, okay. And he puts a foot up on the cart. And leaps into the air. Whoa. As it swoops at you. And he grabs one of its talons. Holy shit. And he's just hanging from this bird as it flies away. Whoa. And he's like swiping his sword at it. Like. How about me, beast? Ha ha ha. This is awesome to watch. Now that is something. And he is carried off into the darkness, basically. And you hear. Gah. Gah. Gah. Gah. Gah.

And swipes up. Ha ha ha ha. He's fighting a condor in a tree somewhere. Bite me. I'll bite you. You're delicious. You think he's going to be dropped off with the goat? This is a stance to reason. Gah. Nice. Um. Now we're alone. Borba. What's going on, kids? Borba. The adult that was with us that wasn't drunk is gone. So we need you to be the adult that's with us that's drunk. Okay. Okay. All right. Well, here I am. And he like lifts himself out of the cart and tumbles on the ground. And yeah.

So you're just, you're at the bottom of this chocolate mountain. There's a goat up there. So here's my question. Yeah. So this whole mountain is the dark chocolate that they're going to. Oh no, it's not. So it is made of chocolate, but it's not this entire, like the chocolate that if this was all it was, if there was this much of it, it would be a non-issue. Yeah. So whatever this pipe is, that's bursting all this chocolate out, probably crusted around the mouth.

The mouth of the pipe is like the finest, darkest, most layered chocolate. So that's the stuff is like the gunk that dries. Yeah. That's so gross. Rich people like gross stuff. Yeah. They like the most rotten of cheeses. Foie gras. Yeah. This is the foie gras of chocolates. Yeah. And the pipes at the top of this mountain. Yeah. It's going to be a real job to clean the rim of that pipe. Oh God. Yeah. It's some kind of rim job. God, we're going to have to rim this pipe.

So the clock on the rim job starts now. Okay. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I mean, the other clock looks like a butthole. Yeah, it is. The clock to even get to the chocolate is not yet filled. All right. I know. We have to like hike this thing. You got to climb and then you got to find the actual pipe. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let's go up there and get this rotten chocolate. Okay. Candy cane, ice picks. Let's get up. Oh, smart. What is this? Like a prowess kind of like group effort sort of thing.

Yeah. I'll do the lead climb. What's that called? Yeah. Yeah. Right. I'll set in candy things and then we'll have the licorice rope and we'll try and climb up like that. That's awesome. Yeah. I'm linking us all up in like the little toddler leash. Right. Yes. Yes. Perfect. Franklin's in the front, Fenton's in the back. You know what? My ankle's still kind of like, honestly, I'm not drunk anymore, but my ankle's pretty messed up. I really shouldn't follow you. I don't want to pull you all down.

Okay. Watch my bag. I will. I'm going to watch this cart with my life. I'm going to get the goat back down here when you get up there. Oh yeah. He's up there. Yeah. Okay. So group action. Yes. And Franklin is leading it. Yup. In finesse. Okay. In finesse. Okay. Right. Five and six. Oh. Four. Six. That's a critical success. Nice. How many boxes do we get? Two? Yeah. You get two. One more and we're there. And Fenton, as Franklin is climbing. He's climbing. I give you the!

I give you the give you give give give give give give give give give give give give give And you kept hearing me go, whoa, what a climb this is. A mighty mountain for me to overcome. Oh, more sweat on my brow. Sure, like talking a lot for somebody who's like climbing as hard as we are. As you climb up this desperate mountain, it's like cliffhanger. Like you grab onto a ledge and a bunch of chocolate crumbles away. One hand swinging with the canyon swinging below. Hanging by one hand.

A condor cries in the distance, illuminating how far up you are right now. The wind is getting cold. The oxygen is getting thin this high off the ground. And it's mostly just because you're breathing in a lot of chocolate fumes. But you get to the goat and it looks very, it's just staring at you with its like sideways hourglass eyes. Can I convince it to go down? So with your critical success, you actually get to the goat and you, then you step forward.

And your foot crunches through some chocolate. And hits a button on some sort of disused conveyor belt that all spin to life. It is basically a perfect little river of conveyor belts back to the bottom. Oh, sick. So the goat just gets on it and just like rides back and forth. And then is deposited safely at the base of the mountain. Nice. Perfect. I did it, guys. Amazing job. And you hear, I mean, like it did, it cleared a bit of a path. Which is nice because chocolate would like break off.

But after a while, you're like. And all the conveyor belts stop. I don't know. But the goat is safely at the bottom of the mountain. That's great. And Borbo yells up. Great job. Hello, everybody. And welcome to Clover's quiet meditation room. I'm about to play for you the sound of majestic ocean waves. Look inside you. What do you see? Nothing. That's right. You're an empty void, a blank canvas upon which a masterpiece will be painted. My masterpiece. I'm Grefg Swooshlin.

From the Grefg Swooshlin Academy for the Arts in Marshall College. Do you have what it takes to forge your body into a weapon of war and a work of art? There's only one way to find out. When I tell you. Now accepting students for the class of 384. Howdy, folks. Are you looking for a story based podcast to get lost in? Then you might love Dungeons and Randomness. We're a team of three. We're a D&D actual play podcast with over 14 years of incredible stories under our belts.

We have one of the most friendly and welcoming communities on the planet who will help you get caught up. Our latest arc, Frostborn, was created for new listeners in mind. So if you're ready for the adventure of your lives, check out Dungeons and Randomness wherever you get your podcasts. Attention shoppers. Uh. Would the owner of a dusky red stallion please return to the parking garage? Your horse is kicking in several windows. Well, that was the wrong bottle, so I apologize for that.

I'll try that again next time. See you later. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. The chocolate waterfall is rushing beside you. This is sort of the last leg of you getting to the chocolate is finding a way to ascend this chocolate waterfall safely. But this rich, ancient, milky, thick chocolate coursing all around you. What do you do? I mean, I eat some.

Yeah, take a cup of it. Yeah. I just like putting your mouths in the waterfall. Yeah. Yeah. This is what it's all about. Fenton is like, I'm pretty sure. Your running chocolate never expires. That's what I heard. Yeah. And you get your little grubby mitts in there. And what? Just like scoop it into your mouth? Shove your whole head in the thing? I shove it all. Shove my face in. I shove it all. Yeah. And this is the best chocolate you've ever tasted in your life. Yeah.

We all feel like 35 year old women. Yeah. It's like subtle notes of like blackberry in there. Caramel. Caramel. It's like somebody's truly listening. It's like somebody's listening to me. It's like I know what the word facetious means. Oh my God. Fenton, what do you taste? Yeah, he takes a cup of it and he's like, oh my God, I have to see the Taj Mahal. God, I really want to eat, pray, and love right now. I get it now. Yoga is not just an exercise. It's a way of life.

Oh, wait, can we use this as an opportunity to get in the vineyard's heads? Yeah. Totally, yeah. Oh my God, yeah. To get a little insight on how they're going to react to like what we're doing. Totally. Sure. A tune. A tune. A tune, yeah. A tune, yeah. Group action for a tune. I have two in a tune. So wait, is it possible that they use this not just to sell chocolate, but they use it as some sort of psychic medium? We haven't rolled the dice yet. Oh my God. You don't know for sure? Here we go.

Okay. Let's do it. Six. Two sixes. Whoa. Holy shit. Okay, so whoever led that takes a point of- I led it. Okay, so you take a point of stress. How many points of stress can you take before you're out? Two more. Okay, that's not too bad. I'm at two more too. Yeah. So your minds are flooded with the smug, peaceful surety of a wealthy 30-something. Yeah. Like, my retirement- My retirement's taken care of. I have no problems. I own my own house. All these things.

Did my grandpa give me a quarter million dollar loan? Yes, he did. Sure. That still makes me- That still- You know, it doesn't mean I'm not a self-made woman. It just means this vegan pizza restaurant that I started is incredibly successful. Because of the- On top of the inheritance from my grandfather, my parents also loaned me $100,000. Yeah. Which doesn't mean I'm not a self-made woman. Yeah. I'm not a self-made woman. I made my parents give me that loan. Totally.

I spent it all on Instagram influencers eating my fucking pizza. And now I'm an Instagram influencer because I don't really have to work. Yeah. And I teach other- I get people to pay me to tell them how to be Instagram influencers. Yes. I'm a life coach slash marketing guru. Slash entrepreneur. Yeah. And now I have almost 300 followers. Yeah. Free followers. Okay. So what are you guys trying to do with this? Okay. Attuning to the chocolate. Yeah. We're trying to get in the vineyard's heads.

We're telling each other, we notice we're thinking like the wine moms. Yeah. Yeah. We're like wondering if this is doing more than just, like it seems to be tapping us into some- Oh, certainly. Right? Yeah. Absolutely. What else could they be wanting other than just selling it and building condominiums? They want it. This is for power. Yeah. This is for power. It's like more evil than condos. They're trying to fucking change the culture of the mall to be more like them? This is to influence.

Yeah. So if they feed people this stuff and they hear the wine moms ideas, it's going to stick harder. Oh my God. They're gentrifying chocolate. Oh my gosh. This is how they'll gentrify. We thought it stopped at the condos. It doesn't. Oh, it's not- But the condos are just part of it. The condos are so they have somewhere to put all the people that are listening to them. Exactly. The condos are a conduit for the chocolate. Whoa. Yeah. Conduit minimums. Uh-huh. That's where it comes from. Oh.

They're conduits for change. So not only do we have to steal this dark chocolate, but we do have to fucking destroy this pipe. I guess. You have to end this source of chocolate. Holy shit. Okay. We need to find the source. The sticks have never been more chocolate. All right. Now you've got this last stretch to go. Whatever you do, however you succeed, you will be able to reach the top of this mountain. But yeah. How do you ascend? We're not at the top. I thought we were at the top.

You're pretty close to the top. The waterfall basically hits where you are right now and then goes down the mountain further. So there's just a little bit of the good chocolate here. Yeah. This is a good chocolate. This is a good chocolate. This is just the milk. This is just the liquid chocolate coming out of the pipe. The actual expensive dark chocolate that the wine moms want. Remember. It's a little bit of the good chocolate because we just ate it. No.

We drank the liquid chocolate, but we're trying to get that dirty rim chocolate. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. So the rim chocolate is the valuable chocolate that they'll sell. Yeah. And the liquid chocolate is this influential chocolate. Maybe there's another pipe that comes out like lower and it pumps out like white chocolate to dilute it. Oh, yeah. That's why we have milk chocolate everywhere else. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. So we have to stop this source of like super dark.

The magic chocolate. The magic chocolate that makes people into a bunch of fucking Julia Robertses. Uh-huh. So that means we're going to have to like climb into the pipe or something. Could be. Or blow it up. Can we blow shit up? Yeah. Can we clog it forever? Oh, yeah. I am an expert in that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Clogging and unclogging suddenly is my business. I wonder if we need Adric's help for this.

Uh, yeah, you might, but you still hear like, oh no, I will kill you, you stupid fucking bugger. And I'm going to get that gut back too. We might have to deal with this on our own. Okay. He led you here. That's true. But now you've got to take it, take it to the end zone.

I give you the give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give and give I think it's sort of like a sheer cliff a bit.

Stop you from being able to climb up. If we Super Gilbert. Oh, shit. Mr. Gilbert. Master Gilbert. Master Gilbert. All three of us. All three of us. That's true. This is what it's all been for. This is what it's all been for. The signs all point to this moment. I shed a tear. All right. Master Gilbert. And Fenton's like, and this time he pulls the blonde wig out of his backpack. And he's like, Clover, I want you to be the top. I'll do it. Give me that wig. And I put it on.

And like a wind breeze like blows through my hair. You can save a few lives. And Fenton and Franklin are like, oh, my fucking God. All right. She looks like my auntie Warhol. All right. Master Gilbert. So this is a group action, clearly. It's a group action. It's a group action. What is this? It's finesse again, obviously. So this is controlled. Yeah. Most likely. And I'll lead it this time. And it'll be a standard effect. You will get to the top. And I will be on the bottom.

This is the sacrifice that I make. How does that? How does Franklin's legs even not touch the ground? You know what? He's got his huge backpack. He's basically. He's sitting on the backpack. I love that. It's really like holding him up. Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. I just want to put out there. Are we sure that we don't want Franklin to lead it? Because I have so many empty stresses. Yeah. I mean, Franklin can still lead it. He is in the middle. Yeah. You lead it. And I have three die. Yeah.

This is finesse? Yeah. Yeah. Finesse. Great. Six. Five and two. Five. Okay. So six. So it's just a success. Yeah. But that's great. Master Gilbert. The trench coat comes out, wraps around all three kids. We see tiny little, tiny, tiny. Legs at the bottom of the trench coat. Really fat thighs. Really tiny little legs. And then a blonde girl's face at the top. And then. Wild dark hair underneath the blonde. Yeah.

And then six arms emerge from the trench coat and grip onto the cliff side and start climbing. Master Centipede. And Clover gets to the top first, grips onto the edge. With all my yoga strength. Pull us up. Yeah. It's all in the fingertips. It is. Yeah. Fenton feels himself lifting up the ground so much. You're doing it. And Clover pulls herself over. And then Franklin's next. His hands grip the edge. Reach down. Grab the back. The top loop of the backpack. That's how I'm being lifted up.

Fenton comes up over the edge as well. Yep. Making this sound. And you all finally crest the top. The peak of chocolate. Mountain. And we're still in the Mr. Gilbert. I can see everything. Yeah. You can. You can see out for mile around. Oh, it's like Jurassic Park. We see a herd of sour dino sour. Dino sour. Yeah. It's true. They do move in herds. It almost looks peaceful. Yeah. And then we see Adric Swift. Like. Yeah. Go. Aren't like arm around the neck of a car. Condor punching it in the eyes.

Is he in the nest with the goat? That'd be so funny. The goat's doing nothing. Just. He's in the nest now. And yeah, there's a goat. You can see. Cause I mean, like, it's weird how space seemed warped while you were traveling through the factory. It's not that big. It's not that big. Like, you can see all the kids that waited, that left you at the other side. It's like the size of like winner's home sense. Yeah. It seems like a big play place. Yeah. And yeah, you see Adric.

At the top of a tree in a candy nest made out of like hickory sticks. The only savory thing you've seen so far, but delicious. Cool. And yeah, he's punching the shit out of this bird. Yeah. And he's going, you will not have Deborah the goat, you. Stand fast, Deborah. I'm here for you. And he dispatches the bird with a mighty blow. It's candy beak goes. Well, it goes. Cause it's saltwater taffy. I forgot. Part of it snaps off and the rest kind of slaps. Yeah. And then it just slops to the side.

And the bird goes and falls for what feels like an eternity, but isn't because the tree is like seven and a half feet tall. And then boom, disappears into the forest floor. And Adric turns and sees you and he points and he gives you a salute. We salute back. Well done, children. Thank you. These next steps you must take alone. And you don't hear him say alone. You hear. You hear him. Those last steps you must take. I think he said alone. So we're here now. Okay. Is the pipe right there?

Tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink. It's a little bit of a walk. It's like you're in a cleft basically of chocolate. Like it's piled up around you. Yeah. There's a couple of mounds on the other side. There's a couple of crevice in the middle. There's a couple of round mounds. Yeah. And a pipe in the middle. Very middle. Jesus, Sean, grow up. That was not my plan, but it's pretty funny.

But the chocolate is like burbling out of a pipe and then it's like flowing down to where the waterfall is and crusted around the pipe. You see the darkest, hardest, it's like rock hard chocolate. Wow. Rimming. The hole. We're so mature. What have we done? I don't know. But there's the chocolate. There it is right there. All right, everybody. Empty your pockets. Okay. We got to figure out what we can fucking clog this thing with. Okay. Okay.

Also, we got to get that fucking dark chocolate on the rim. Yeah. We got to take all of it off. Yeah. We got to wipe it clean. Yeah. Can't leave any bits or debris around here or we're going to get sick. Yeah. No danglers. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. No. What? No. Man, this stuff will not fall off. So I got candy knuckles and I'm punching off the rim. And I have emptied out my backpack and I'm trying to catch everything in there. Okay. Yeah.

So this sounds like people are doing individual stuff. Okay. Yeah. So I guess wreck maybe would make the most sense for Franklin. So this is risky, but it'll be standard success. You'll get the stuff. Okay. Six and five. Holy shit. Now you break off every bit of chocolate around the edge of this pipe. And it's so tempting to just eat it. I know. I really want to. Should we try it? No. We could try it. Yeah. You could try it. Yeah.

Well, let me collect it all up and then I'll grab some small pieces for us. Yeah. Totally. Okay. Just do a little bit. Yeah. You're collecting the chocolate? Yeah. I think I'm going to use survey to look at all the places where it lands and collect it up. Okay. You don't have to roll to pick stuff up off the ground. Oh. Oh, really? Yeah. But if you want to, you can. I just don't know why you would. Well, do we have enough room in our bags to bring it all? I guess not that much.

It's not that much. It's maybe on the outside. Like 20 pounds worth. Way less than 20 pounds. No. Wow. No. No. No. 20 pounds. More than 20. It's 50 pounds. Yeah. It's 50 fucking pounds. Yeah. All right. Now you're dealing with 50 pounds of chocolate. Well, I hauled 50 pounds of shit up this mountain. That's true. Actual shit. Oh, yeah. How are we going to get the rest of the shit down? Oh. Well. I was going to. It's almost like I tried to give you an out with a small amount of chocolate.

Thanks for trying, Sean. Hey, you know what? I do what I can. Well, what I was thinking is I would leave all the shit that I brought up here. And we can use it to clog that pipe. Yeah. I also have pop rocks. Oh, shit. So we can use all the stuff and then just load it around there. Yeah. And then blow it the fuck up. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm using survey to find the best way to clog and destroy the pipe. Okay. There we go. Or study. We need to do that. Study. Study. Okay.

So that's risky as everything is here. And standard effect. Five, two, and one. Five. Okay. So that is a partial success. Success with consequence. You look around. And the best. Like. This is a pretty normal pipe. The pipes themselves are coated in chocolate. So that's not the best way. Like destroying the pipe itself would be difficult. But if you were able to jam something that doesn't melt in there, that would probably be the best way. Yeah. I mean, I have a bunch of finery.

I brought all of my costumes. That's what was in my bag. That's fair. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You do. You have tons. I brought with me the spandex satchel. Oh, shit. You diff. My bag of holding. Uh-huh. I could stretch it out. Over the. Over the thing. Yeah. Spandex is not breathable. Yeah. So we could cram all the fenton stuff. And this could act like a big plug. Yeah. Does anyone. Oh, you have gum. Don't you have some kind of gum net? I have lots of gum. What if we all chew a bunch of gum? Yeah.

A bubble net. Yeah. You have the bubble net. So if we chew it and spit it on there, it will make it so sticky. Yeah. Uh-huh. We're so smart. Amazing. So smart. What a brilliant plan. So Clover sticks a handful of gum in her mouth and starts aggressively chewing. Yeah. Fenton, too. Yeah. All wrong. I'm not. I'm not. And he's stuffing all his shit in the pipe. Guys, I swallowed my gum. I need more gum. Here's more in the back. And Fenton takes a handful out of his mouth and shoves it in.

You're a good man. So you're all shoving a bunch of gum into this pipe and hoping that nothing terrible happens to you. We're shoving the finery in. Yeah. And then we're like putting the spandex bag. Over top. And then we're using the gum to stick it in place. Like a wax seal around it. Yeah. Okay. This sounds like a group action. Okay. Yeah. For wreck, I suppose. Oh, yeah. Totally. I just get one. Who's leading? Franklin. Franklin. Franklin's reading. Okay. We're leading. Yeah. Six. Two. Two.

So you're like, you're helping them. You know, they start to slow down and you grab their jaws and you're working their jaws for them. Slamming their mouths open and closed like puppets. Yeah. Yeah. Chew like the wind, children. I'm acting like Adrian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Reaching into their mouths and pulling the gum out and shoving more in. Jamming their jaws open and closed. Because they're like, I can't chew anymore. Like chew damn you. I got you old friend.

Fenton's like, my head hurts so much. I've never chewed so much in my life. Rest there, my sweet boy. All the foods I like are puddings. It's so hard to chew. My jaw muscles aren't that developed yet. I eat mostly goo. But you know, after a few, after a while of whirlwind chewing, you've prepared enough gum to seal the pipe shut for good. And you hear like, from the pipe, but everything seems fine for now. Wait, did we already put it on there? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah.

No, it's, it's all been sealed. It's all been sealed. You're good to go. Okay. You've got the chocolate too. You've got the dark chocolate. Oof. We gotta get this thing out of here before Chathane shows up. That's true. We gotta hurry back down. Yeah. Okay. Let's take the conveyor belt. Oh yeah. So you gotta walk. So you have to get down the chocolate cliff first, which is relatively simple. It's not that high. I just fall down. Okay. You're gonna take some harm for that.

You don't just get to decide. What? I mean, you could use your armor technically. I'm gonna use my armor. Okay. Then you use your armor and you just slam into the ground. I'm fine. Yep. Oh, cool. Just then Franklin falls forward. All right. With his armor. You're gonna take a point. Then you're marking off your armor as well. What? Just one armor there? Yep. And Fenton has the backpack, so he tries… I'll jump. So everybody jumps down to slam into the ground. It's kind of soft.

It's chocolatey, so it's not like landing on concrete or anything. But it's eight feet to the conveyor belt, right? Yeah. Yeah. Wham. Yeah. And then he goes… He's like, all right, I'm gonna do it too. And then he goes to do it and then freaks out and then twists and grabs. Oh no. He's not strong enough, so he slides down and scrapes the shit out of us. Because he hesitated. That's the thing. In his fingernail. Oh God.

If he just fell, it would have been better, but he hesitated and it made it worse. Then yeah, you mark off your armor. Yeah. What a great use of all your armors. Oh, we don't get to use armor from here on in? Nope.

So you get back to the cart, you walk down the conveyor belts, the goat cleared conveyor belts and you get to the cart with Borbo in it while leaning against the cart with his baseball bat next to one of the goats and then Aedric comes striding out of the candy trees with a goat under his arm and he's bloodied. He's like cut up. He's got candy stuck to him like some melted butterscotch on his neck. A necklace of butterscotch talons. Yeah. Cool. Well done, children. You've done it.

You, I mean, I assume you did it? Yeah, we got it. Way to go. And we stopped the flow of the dark chocolate coming out. Oh, you stopped up a pipe up there. Yeah, we stuffed it full of stuff and sealed it off. Yeah. I'm going to assume that you had a reason. Yeah, we did, because we figured out when we were up there, we drank some of that chocolate, and it made us into a bunch of fucking Karens.

And we wanted to gentrify the mall and stuff, and we thought it was a good idea, and we figured out that that's what the wine moms are going to do. They're going to use this, they were going to use that liquid chocolate to try and convince everyone that gentrification is a good thing. But we got rid of it, and we also stole the dark chocolate. And the chocolate gave you a vision. It did. He looks up at the peak of the chocolate mountain. Don't be tempted by the dark visions it offers.

I would never. I am, and Adric puts up his hand. High five him. And he seems to, he puts up his hand, and he is quiet, and he seems to cock an ear. And you see his, the little hint of an elven upturn in his ear, like his ear twitches. Oh, right, he's an elf. Half elf, yeah. What? Quiet. Do you have a question? There's something in the trees. Is it more harm than a lens? It's worse. A wick. And he draws his sword and turns and strikes an arrow out of the air. Holy shit! Cool.

And it spirals off into the distance. It says, run, children! Which way? We all scatter, different directions. I jump into the river. Oh, no. And he runs. He's into the trees. So cool. Wow. And Borbo's like, oh, oh, no! Grab the goats! Grab the goats! The chocolate! I've got the chocolate in my backpack. Okay, and Borbo grabs one of the, he grabs both the goats under his arms, and he starts limping down the trail. Go, go, go!

But yeah, Borbo is like limping into the tree pillars, all of the girders that are holding up the roof. Yeah, and Fenton is running so hard. 50 pounds. 50 pounds of dark chocolate on his back. Oh, my gosh. Clover's doing backstrokes down the chocolate river, and she hops out. Oh, my God. There's a murderer after us. Okay, so here's what we're going to do. Here's how chases typically work in Blades in the Dark.

So I've got a six-segment clock called get away, and then I've got a six-segment clock called get caught. Cool. And as you're trying to get away… Oh, I was going to say, we'll take the… The get away clock, please. I was thinking the same thing. One for a get away clock. Yeah, we'll take that one. Yeah, so get away is the clock you're trying to fill, and as you fail, the other one will fill. Okay, fine. So you're trying to race the clock to the end of the clock. Here we go.

So what are you doing? We're running away. Rolling dice. Just rolling randomly. I don't know. Okay, so keep in mind, there are multiple ways you can do this. Let's talk about all of them. You guys have played this game a bit. You tell me what your options are for how rolls might go. Risky standard. Risky risky. Desperate. Desperate risky. Desperado. So those are kinds of rolls, yes, except for desperado.

So because you're being chased by a very skilled ranger, your rolls are going to be desperate, and your effects will start off as limited. Okay. So how you can do this is you can just take those chances, and you can do a group action, which would give you a greater chance of succeeding in filling the clock by one. There's only one problem. We all went in different directions, because that was funny. Right, I forgot. So we'll have to come back together.

Yeah, Clover jumped in the river, and Fenton ran for the grass. What did you do? Franklin went over to the cart to gather more weapons. Okay. Oh, so you're still in the cart then? Yeah, I went to the cart. And Borbo ran into the trees with the goats. Oh, so Franklin's alone. Okay, so this first roll will be a group action. It will not be for the clock, but it will be all of you trying to find each other again. And then we will talk about how this clock might work.

I'm following chocolate bubbles in the river trying to find Clover. Oh, right, okay. So what do we think that this will be? Like, what action are you guys going to use for your group action? Survey? To look around and find each other? Okay. Like, we're looking around, we're listening for our voices. Yeah, I like that. So because you guys are just trying to find each other, this is risky instead of desperate. I think it's still desperate. Everything's going to be desperate.

Desperate, but this will be standard. If you succeed, you will find each other. Okay. So no matter what, when we're desperate, we have to take an experience point? Have to. What? Yes, you get to. I don't know. It's hard to tell whether we like experience or not. Okay, wait, no, hold on. So who's leading this group action? Who's going to take the stress if people don't succeed?

I mean, I'm at the cart, so I was going to take the cart, like, try and grab Clover and, like, bring the cart to us so we can try and get it. And we have a shield going. That's true, but also we're at the top of a hill. Like, there's, like, a series of hills that go up to the cliff. This is amazing. So you can roll the cart and then jump into it like a shot, like a, like, like Bamarjera. Carts of Darkness? Yeah. Yes. Ride it backwards? Hell yeah. Yeah, right, right down the hill.

I like this a lot. Okay, so it sounds like… I'm using my sneakers. I have these sneakers to, like, turn. You're, like, dragging my feet behind me. I just got that Carts of Darkness joke. That's really funny. So it's, so it's, uh, you're leading it then. Franklin's leading it. Yeah. Okay, great. So Franklin will take the stress if you don't succeed. Great. Here we go. Survey! Survey! Oh, no, I dropped one. I got two fives. I got four. Do I roll this again? Yeah, you can roll it again.

Doesn't matter. I got two sixes. Holy shit, that's a critical. Two sixes is a critical. Wow. Does that mean we fucking kill it? Maybe that means that you do, you'll fill one tick on getaway. Yes! Sick! So Franklin pushes the cart all the way to the top of the chocolate foothills at the base of Chocolate Mountain. Yeah. It's the Big Rock Candy Mountain. Oh! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I've been… The streams of you who come a-dragging down the rock.

There is a, there's a hobnoblin with a banjo, like… Bing-a-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Bing-a-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. There's three hobnoblins in prison outfits all chained together, running, and then they drop down when the foreman turns his head. The other one goes, ran-ran-ran-ran, but in him, they, they, they R-U-N-O-F-T. They run out. Damn, we're in a tight spot. Ran-ran-ran-ran.

All right, so Franklin pushes, pushes the cart up the foothills of Big Rock Candy Mountain and hops in and what, yells out to Clover and Fenton? Hold on, dude, we're headed for the rhubarb patch. And you roll down. There's no goats steering this thing. You're just riding in it. Oh, yeah, no, I've got, you know when the yoke comes forward, I've got it in my hands coming backwards into the cart and trying to steer a little bit from there. Yeah. Totally. And you're rolling. I'm using my shoes.

Yeah, also using your, like, physicality to, like, ride it. And my shoes on the, on the, on the rock behind me. Yeah. And Fenton and Clover, what, you, like, do you hear them coming? You go and grab on to the cart? Yeah, we hear a loud metal crane trundling. Yeah. And I yell, oh, we're in a tight spot. And I, uh, I see, like, sparks flying coming towards me. Mm-hmm. And my savior in his chariot is running. The chariots of fire?

A stride, the chariot, hair, uh, not billowing because it's pretty short, but, you know, hair in the wind. So cool. Looking like a fucking, like, majestic prince. Yeah. Totally. And you guys grab on and the cart continues, oh, wait, Fenton. Oh, he's in the path of the cart, so it just hits him. And he just grips him up. He just, he just, like, like, like one of those Garfield stuffies that you'd stick to the windows of cars. Pull him in. And the cart carries on through the trees.

And if you were to, if you look to the right, if you were to look to the right, you would see two figures darting in and out of the trees. Oh, cool. You hear, like, clang, clang. Describe this. We're watching it. Yeah, you see a figure in a dark leather gherkin and, uh, and a broad buttermoth silk cloak duck low and dodge back, hop backwards into the air and let loose, like, two arrows. At the same time? Yeah. Two?

Well, actually, no, it's, it's, it's two arrows individually, but you hear, like, like, he draws and fires that quickly. And then you hear, like, clang, clang as a sword whips up from the other figure and knocks them out of the air. Yeah. And dodges, like, lunges forward and the dodge, the other rolls out of the way. And they're just, like, hopping off trees, lunging at each other. So cool. Keep describing it. I'm loving this. Sean, you're doing a great job. Uh, okay, what do we got?

What else happens? Use the environment. Shathane takes another shot with the arrow and then spins his bow up over his head and brings it down in two hands like a weapon, like a staff. And he's blocking sword blows from Adric. So cool. And Adric gets in close, just grabs him by the vest and headbutts him. And stumbles a little bit because he hit him way too hard with his own skull. Yeah. All right.

And now you've got to decide what you're doing because you see Shathane look in your direction and reach for his quiver. Uh, Fenton takes his little dick out and pisses at him. Okay, that does nothing. You are stuck to the front of a cart. It's like trying to get your dick out on the Gravitron. You can't move. And let me tell you, getting your dick out on the Gravitron is nigh on impossible. Sean has tried many times. And failed.

You know how much it costs to bribe the carny to let you go on the Gravitron alone? Yeah, that's key here. I was by myself. Except for the carny. He was there too. To supervise. But he said that he wouldn't look and I took him at his word. Yeah, it was for science. Yeah. All right. So what's the next role here? Okay, this is what we were going to say. Now that you're on the cart, it's more risky. You're in movement. Right.

So you can either do a group action, which will mean that you're all just going to take the position and effect as they stand, risky limited. The other option is Fenton and Clover can do what are called setup actions. Which are individual actions that would improve the positioning and effect of roles that say Franklin as the driver might take.

So you could be like Clover could put her goggles on as a setup action as like a survey and then direct Franklin, which would potentially make it controlled standard. Do we do individual roles for these? Setup actions, yes. But instead of you guys doing things directly, you would be preparing Franklin to do things. Okay. Let's see. So I'm putting my mask back on. Mm-hmm. So we'll see through the fog that's quickly approaching. Mm-hmm. And survey. Yeah, survey I think would work. To look out.

Yeah. So survey, it's going to be risky standard. Yeah, normal. Okay. Six and a three. God damn. You guys are rolling hot tonight. I don't think you've actually failed a role so far. So you're just, I imagine you just like wide stance on top of the cart with your goggles like go this way. There's a family of dinosaurs that way so we want to take the right. I love that. Perfect. Right turn. Like a rally car. Rally car, yeah. Yeah.

When they have that person just with a clipboard that's like hard left, soft left, go straight, turn now. Like really good specific like 40 degrees southwest. What? Yeah. Muscle memory doing a really. That's so cool. Yeah. Okay. And what's Fenton trying to do? Fenton, he's like clambered into the cart. Good. And. Pants down. Now his dick's out. Sean. And then, he stands at the edge and he goes, ra ra to us. And he's trying to call, he's trying to call the hobnoblins to help them. Amazing.

All right. So what are you rolling? I'm using consort. Perfect. Yep. I'm mostly risky but this would be great effect because if you call ra ra to you and the hobnoblins, that's a huge boon. Yeah. So you will get what you want. Yeah. In spades. Which is for them to like run interference and attack Shathane, I guess. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Four. So we're going to go ahead and fill in two of the get caught segments. No! Those were failures. That's unfair. No, it's a risky. That's the consequence.

Fucking fuck. Wow. And it still works, keep in mind. But you only get ra ra, I think. Oh, shit. Oh, and he comes in on a swing and then. Yeah, he swings in on a live wire. Like a blue raspberry live wire. Okay. Off a nearby tree. And you, ra ra to me. Ra ra. Ra ra. And now he's on the cart. Yeah. Ra ra, we need your help. Ra. That guy in the, in the green gherkin, he's trying to stop us from getting the hot, the dark chocolate out of here.

And ra ra looks over and he remembers Shathane because he was surveilling Shathane. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And he goes, ra, ra, ra, ra, ra, ra. And he dives off the cart and just tumbles into a bush. Yeah. He might be, he might be gone. He might be dead. He's just dead in a bush.

But as you're looking, you look over at where ra ra dove and Shathane, you see him like skid to a halt, duck under a sword swing from Adric and an arrow comes out and shoots out between the trees and hits the wheel of the cart. Shit. And it starts like hitting, like the shaft of the arrow is hitting the ground. Like mechanically, the mechanisms and the ground. Yeah, the cart's like, chunk, chunk, chunk, chunk, chunk. Can I bend down and try to take the arrow out? Absolutely.

It's going to be very risky, but with a standard effect, if you can get it out, it'll solve this. And can I aid her by holding her legs? Yeah, absolutely. So you would take a stress and she would get plus one. So I probably want to do finesse. Do you fill out your stress thing? No, not on this one, but I will. It's okay. I'll have two if you don't do it. Are you sure you don't? It looks like it's full. No, there's one more left. Okay. But is it as soon as I fill it out? Yeah, done. I'm done.

Toast. Okay. All right. So what are you using to do this? I think finesse makes sense. Yeah, finesse to time it to grab the arrow. God, I hope you get a six and that wasn't for nothing. Ooh, there better be a six in here. Oh, yeah. Two sixes and a four. Holy shit! Wow. Okay, so. Fuck yeah! Critical! Yeah. So we're going to call that in a combination of Fenton and Clover's actions there, that is an additional setup action, which will make the Franklin's next roll a controlled great. Awesome.

Which means you're in a great position right now. You're very safe in this movement because Clover's watching. The wheel is clear of arrows. Shathane is being kept busy by Adric. And it sounds like ran, ran now. You hear, ran! You hear, what the fuck? Which is very unusual to hear Shathane shout out while on the hunt. Yes. Which means he was really surprised by ran, ran. Whatever the fuck he did. He did. Yeah. He did something fucked up. It was bad.

So Franklin, you are free and clear to make your, your move. Are we in the fog yet? The fog is rapidly approaching. You see the bubble gum. I steer into it as fast as I can because if we can't see, he can't see. True. Absolutely true. So wait, what are you rolling? I'm going to roll finesse. Right, yeah. And prowess. Okay. So controlled great here. Oh, 3, 3, 2. Jesus Christ. I would like to do a devil's bargain.

So devil's bargain, remember is you get a plus one die, but something bad happens regardless. Okay. I would like somebody to aid me. Can I aid him? Yeah. How many stress can you take? I have two available. I'll take one. Give him one. I'm going to give him one. Okay. You get one more or you can take a devil's bargain and roll two more. I'll take a devil's bargain. So what's the bad thing that's going to happen regardless? Rara gets murdered. Oh no. I was going to say Adrian gets murdered.

I was like, no. I was like, no. Where's Borbo? I know. Oh. Still on his own. That's bad. Yeah. He didn't meet up with us. Borbo mystery. He obviously didn't run back the way you came. No. Okay. Borbo is out in the wind. That's the bad thing. That's the bad thing. You're not going to get back with Borbo. He is in here somewhere. Come on. Injured and with two goats. Oh, that's even worse. That's the most encumbered he could possibly be. Okay. Two more dice. Here we go. Come on. Six. Controlled.

Great. A five. Five. Okay. Five. Which means that you are two ticks away from escaping and three ticks away from getting caught. Mm-hmm. And you just fucking rip ass through the fog. Just. I like that. It's like so loud. Yeah. And you turn. Quiet. Cool. As you get into the fog and it quiets down and you're rumbling along for a second, you see the grasses, the candy grasses start to whip by you on either side. You look behind you and you see like low to the ground fucking sprinting. Shathane.

Whoa. Yeah. Oh my God. Like his cloak is over his head and his cape is whipping behind him and he's just booking. Like Naruto? Yeah, totally. Well, I mean, he's moving his arms but not quite like Naruto. I imagine he is. Yeah, backwards hands. He just looks stupid. But it is kind of that sort of leg movement. Like his legs are moving so fast. He's very quick. But he sees that you're pulling away on the cart that you're faster than him and then he darts into the grass. Really? Yeah. Ugh. God.

I would like to use subterfuge tools. Whoa. What's this? I don't know. This is bad. He pulls out like a toolbox. This is like a black case. Like it looks amazing. Like something really impressive. What is that? He took that from Greg. You know, yes. I did. I stole this from Greg. It's a frog man in the Marines. Yeah, it says like GM on it. Like monogrammed. Wow. Those are his best tools. Yeah. Oh, he's going to be pissed. We need to use these. You know what my immediate thought was?

Was some sort of smoke grenade. Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. Except Fenton sets all of them off and then dumps them off the back of the cart so it creates like the whole place is full of smoke. Okay, we're going to call that wreck, I think. Well, I mean, no. You tell me what you're using. I forgot. I can't. I don't get to decide that. I am going to use Tinker, actually. Tinker, okay. So this would be risky. Yeah. Great, I guess. Yeah.

Like, it's like I open it up and there's like so much shit in here. I do not understand how it works. But I just do. I do see like a bank of like 15 grenades, essentially. And I'm just like, okay. And then I put all of my fingers in the pins and pull them all and just kick it off the back. I like that he's like pulls out the pins. He's like, all right, do your worst. And then he thinks it's just throwing the shit out of him. Throwing the pins at him. That's so funny.

And Clover realizes what I just fucking did and she kicks the case. Uh-huh. Amazing. You can go love Vardy and throw a bunch of grenade pins at him. Yeah. Clover starts seeing you throw the pins and then she's like, wait, and kicks the case off the back. And then it's just like hits the ground and goes. It's like when the chicken truck explodes in 21 Jump Street. Like there's a second of absolute silence. Oh, yeah. And then it explodes. And then it explodes. Right. Yeah.

We're just like, oh, we thought something was gonna happen. So risky standard pulling all the pins on all of the devices in Greg's special case. Yeah. Actually, yeah, I activated everything. Even the stuff that wasn't grenades. I don't know what any of this shit does. Clover's in the background like Fenton's not really listening to her, but she's like listing off what everything is and she's like flipping out like pulling on her hair like, oh my God.

What are a couple things that Clover says these are? Oh, one of them is jellyfish. It's like a blow shooter and it ejects like all this weird like gel that is impenetrable. One of these is like a foam. I don't know what that does, but I mean, it spreads like crazy. Yeah. Yeah. There's a thing in here that's just a Claymore. A full on Claymore mine from World War II on Earth. Yeah. There's a few like antique. Antique bombs. I don't know.

I mean, he would have some antique stuff probably from the Wizard War. Yeah. That's just. Just like magic. Anti-magic grenades and shit. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So roll it. Tinker. Risky standard. Five. Five. Okay. So that gives you enough to fill your getaway clock. Yes. You set off all the grenades and Clover turns around freaking out, kicking the case off the cart, seeing what you've done and then boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Smoke fills the area. Fireworks go off. Oh, shit.

Some sort of gooey goo field emits from one of the devices. Buzz saws fly by in front of us. Yeah. Like Wild Wild West. Yeah. Some shit's on fire for some reason and then immediately goes out like it's just burning and then extinguished and you get to you see the chocolate river right in front of you. There it is. What do you do? I think that the momentum from all the blasts kind of gives us some like air. Oh, yeah. And sends you over the water. Basically. Okay.

It's a little ramp that we steer towards. Yeah. It's like there's a little broken part on the end that you're able to the cart like hits and sends you over and just before you get to the edge Adric leaps over the side of the cart and lands and is like go, go and Taylor is gripped onto his back like go and you hit the cart as Shathane comes booking out of the grass right next to you. Holy shit. And the cart hits the ramp and sends it flying. Over the chocolate river slow motion.

Everybody Dukes of Hazzard style going and slams into the opposite wall as Shathane takes into the wall. Sorry. Into the, you know, like it hits the ramp and the wall. So the cart kind of crunches but you're all thankfully I mean, kind of battered but you land on the other side alive at least and Shathane leaps and it looks like he's reaching out just as like almost ready to leap across and then out of the way.

Bushes Borbo dives and spear tackles Shathane shit onto the shore and stand and is just like Shathane comes up on the roll and is holding Borbo down like across the neck with his arm but he looks up at you and he doesn't say anything. He's just watching. What do we do? We can't leave Borbo here. And then Fenton goes I have a plan and he pulls the dark chocolate off of his back and and! And he grabs a little bit of it and he sprinkles it in the water and then a giant shape surfaces and eats it.

Oh. Cause there's like a there's like a there's shit in the water. There's like a giant sea monster. How there's something in the water. And I go let him go or I'll feed this chocolate to this shit monster in this river. So you'll give me the chocolate then? Yeah, but you gotta let Borbo go first. Are you lying? Oh yeah, 100%. Then you gotta roll. Okay. So this is this is risky uh, risky standard. I can aid. No, but you'll you'll fill up your stress track. I mean, we're at the end.

Doesn't matter. You're gonna take drama though. I will. Okay. Worth it. Okay. I'm a changed woman. Yeah, again. We did this on my heavy day on my period. Oh god. Yeah. Alright. So I that take that's four die? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Alright. Roll it. Desperate standard. I'm staring him in the eyes. Yes. I'm summoning up every bit of business acumen that my father gave to me. And by business acumen I mean absolute complete lack of morality and duplicity. Yeah. Tomato, tomato. Yep. Here we go.

Give me the sixes. Okay. Three, five, two, and six. Yeah. Alright. He just gets up and he hauls Borbo to his feet and he pushes him towards the like broken like the shore of the chocolate river. Yeah. And I guess what? Borbo starts crawling across? Yeah. How does he get across? He's gotta jump. Well, we're near that broken bridge. Yeah, that's true. And I go over to help him. Yeah, you guys go help him. It's not a big risky thing. He's going across. Mm-hmm. I'll come over to Fenton to help him.

Whatever we're gonna do next probably won't be close to you because I'm like something's gonna happen. And Shathane gestures for you to throw the chocolate over. And Fenton I have lights out, licorice, trans powder. I have so many things. Mm-hmm. Ooh. Fenton throws he throws the entire bag over. Of chocolate? Yeah. No. Okay, alright. So you throw the bag over. Okay. Yeah. And he reaches down.

In a moment of desperation I grab Franklin's backpack which has a bunch of like explosives and shit in it. Mm-hmm. And I I'm gonna throw that instead of my backpack. Okay, so that's a flashback. Uh-huh. So it's gonna cost one of you a stress. I'll take it. Okay. Does that fill your stress track? Yes. Okay. A changed boy. A changed boy. You see what you're doing and we're like no! Don't give him all the chocolate! Borbo's important but the chocolate is more important for everyone. Thanks, guys.

Thanks, guys. And then I Borbo's our friend but chocolate's worth money. You guys are making this lie less convincing every second to passings. But then Fenton turns around and he looks Shatane right in the eyes and he's like you fucking piece of shit I'll give it to you, okay? I'll give you the chocolate. And then I tossed it across. So he reaches down and he picks up the bag and he opens it and poof! This like huge cloud of trance powder hits him in the face.

And he's like and he blinks and coughs and swears. But you see him swaying on his feet. He drops to a knee and Adric starts hustling you away back towards where the tunnels are. And he turns back to Shathane. He says, you're getting soft, brother. What? And that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Fenton Beasley, the slide of dual disease. So are. Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. What about the goats?

And playing clover ivy fern, Jessica Tai. The goats! Thank you to Samuel Quinn Morris for our incredible intro and outro music. Thank you to Duam Figueroa for writing World of Blades. And thanks to John Harper for writing the game that was based on Blades in the Dark. If you want to susport the show, you're here. So thank you to all of our supporters around the world. We love you ever so much. We'll see you next time. Goodbye.

And so ends the tale Of the cool treat kids Always up to no good So tiny and greedy And angsty they be And the cold the cold They navigate crime and puberty. And though our journey may belie a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to the chocolate store as the cool treat kids plan their next score. And for you, I'll gladly spout ma.

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound Their wares are famously tasty Here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets She has a corn dog addiction Benton's the slide, she sleeps the same And rice can fire a fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round friends And listen close For the tale's about to start All right, hello everybody and welcome to Spoutmore Mall Brats.

I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always is my friend, playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdulaziz. Hello, everybody. Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Hello, everybody. And playing Clover Ivy, Fern the Whisper, Jessica Tai. Hello, everybody. When last we left our heroes, the Cool Treat Kids entered the chocolate factory of the High Spear Mall on the trail of the valuable and extremely aged dark chocolate that lies at the peak of Mount Chocolate. We didn't name it.

We did not. I just realized. Uh-oh. Mount Chocula. Oh, no, we did. It was the Big Rock Candy Mountain. Oh, yes. Oh, at the top of Big Rock Candy Mountain. Jessica, Mount Chocula, very good. Yeah, Mount Chocula was very fun. That's a lesser mountain. Yeah. Part of the same range. Uh-huh. With the help of adventurer Adric Swift, the Cool Treat Kids passed through the dangerous, dangerous chocolate factory. What are some of the dangers we found? Dinosaur's. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Attacked by gummy raptors. Oh, yeah. There was a gummy pterodactyl that picked up the cart. Yeah. No, the goats. Oh, right. The goats that were pulling the cart. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And dropping them in a tree and on top of the mountain and you had to save the goats. A lot of dinosaur stuff. Yeah. It was a real Jurassic Park situation. It was, yeah. There was a horrible pink fog. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, there was a delicious candy fog. Yeah, bubblegum fog. There was the little hobnob. Oh, the hobnob.

The hobnob. The hobnoblin clans. Yeah. That you discovered emerging in your time of need. Rar, rar. Mm-hmm. Also known as Achilles. Oh, yeah. Spoke to his father, chieftain of the hobnoblin clans. Yeah. Allowing you passage through their territories. Achilles. Because there was a prophecy. Yeah. You found yourself at the base of the Big Rock Candy Mountain climbing up its treacherous peaks and recovering the dark chocolate. But then.

Adric Swift was dragged away by one of the candy monsters to fight. And save the goats. Yeah, he left to save the goats. And we pulled all the dark chocolate off the rim of the pipe up there. Yeah. Successfully completing their rim job, the Cool Treat kids returned to their cart with their goats. Just in time for Adric Swift to return and tell the kids to run as Shathane Wick had arrived. Uh-oh.

A whirlwind chase ensued through the remainder of the chocolate factory on your way back to the entrance. Adric Swift and Shathane Wick fighting valiantly in the forest to either side. Mm-hmm. You were able to kind of jump the cart. Yeah. To the other side of the river. Oh, yeah. Because we were going so fast. Yeah. But unfortunately, just as he was about to jump, the injured Borbo, who couldn't quite make it for the cart jump, was captured by Shathane Wick. Yeah. A tense negotiation ensued.

Everybody was pretty high on stress. Mm-hmm. Things were not looking good until the Cool Treat kids devised a deception led by Fenton Beasley, in which they would offer the chocolate over to Shathane Wick in exchange for Borbo. And once he checked the bag containing the chocolate, it in fact contained trans powder. Yeah. And he was trans powdered out. And you all escaped with the chocolate intact. And that is where we find ourselves now. What's the immediate feeling after? What?

After getting the chocolate? After getting the chocolate. I think jubilation. Yeah. A little celebration back in the tunnels? Yes. Like a little bit of fear relief, you know, and come down. Yeah. Yeah. Or having kind of a low-key glow-in-the-dark party. Yeah. Well, hold on. You can't just say offhand a low-key glow-in-the-dark party. What is that? Yeah, at Greg's quarters. Yeah. Greg's got all these fun blobs and goos. He had a bunch of star stickers he hadn't put up yet. Totally.

So while he was gone, he and his dragon. Mushy. Mushy. Puts up all these star stickers up around the ceiling of the tunnel. Mm-hmm. And he puts his goos in different jars. Nice. So that they blob around like lava lamps. Cool. Yeah. Sweet. And then he lights up all his glow-in-the-dark mushrooms and his clear mushrooms. Sweet. That's awesome. Puts out fun pops and punch bowls. Yeah. Did he invite the other kid, Gary? Oh, yeah. It sounds like it's kind of a dance.

It sounds like it's like a little birthday party. This is great. Yeah. Boys on one side, girls on the other. Yeah. The hot meat boys bring a bunch of corn dogs and dips. Nice. And really cool attitudes. Really cool attitude. Even Doris comes along and she kind of flirts with Greg. Oh. Oh, my God. She brought a lot of shitty spaghetti. Yeah. She's like, that's quite the shitty wheelchair. Well, you know, I tried to do this. It's kind of my own design, I suppose. I'm a little handy, you know.

And he's like really adjusting the one t-shirt that he has. Yeah. And then there's, yeah, like Paul said, there's the girls and the boys across. Right. Yeah. Mingling waiting. There's a music bottle. There's a little girl in the corner playing a song that's too slow. People are like, we can't dance now. It'll be a slow dance. I think we're alone now. We're alone now. Doesn't seem to be anyone around. Greg has splurged, spent the bank, broke the bank on a much music video dance party. Okay.

What is that? So does it have like the. Screens everywhere. Oh. So cool. Nice. What is the technology here? I got to know. Is it just like kids behind the screen? Like a guy behind the screen? Yes. Behind the screen dancing. Professional actors. Oh yeah. They're like Lone Tree Hill actors. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And they act out people singing the song. So they act out whatever the song is about. Yeah. They're much music. This is too much music. This is too much music.

And that's why they're like, there's too much music. We need visuals to go with it. Yeah. So they're all dancing behind the screens and acting out like this romance to the, I think we're alone now. Yeah. That's cool. That's so cute. Yeah. So the cool tree kids. Come into this party. They arrive at Greg's alcove thing. And we're kind of spent pretty hard. But unfortunately we're the heroes of the party. Everyone's like, yeah, they expect so much from us. We're like, oh yeah.

You're immediately mobbed by people like patting your backs and shaking your hands and hugging you. Greg, this is amazing. Anything for you kids. You've done an incredible job. We're all so proud of you. Thank you. Thanks, Greg. Thank you, Greg. You couldn't have done it without you. Look, you kids keep me young. You know, you kids are just, you're working so hard to change the world for a better. Oh, Greg. I'm fine. I'm fine. I pass him my goth handkerchief. So used. I'm just so proud of you.

You're all grown into little adults. Then you got a little more time to go. No, I am an adult now. I have experienced trauma. Yes. So let's address that. I do adulterous things. I'm all over the place. You know, the adulterous things. Okay. Fenton took a drama point at the end of the last job. What is the thing that happened to like, what aspect has he taken on? Is that on the sheets here? I think we make it up. Yeah, I think we make it up. There is a list though. Oh, yeah.

So the, uh, so the one that Clover took that we kind of messed with was unstable. Oh, okay. So the options are cold, haunted, obsessed, paranoid, reckless, soft, unstable, or vicious, which we will, of course, mess with for our 80s kids cartoon. Can you read them again? Cold. Okay. Haunted. Obsessed. Yeah. Paranoid. Reckless. These all kind of just describe me now. So what one definitely applies? Reckless, soft, unstable, vicious. Soft. Damn it.

You lose your edge, you become sentimental, passive, or gentle. Oh, no. Unstable. And Clover took unstable, right? Yeah, your emotional state is volatile. You can instantly rage or fall into despair. You're kind of cold, like, no, I'm an animal. Yeah, cold, maybe. What's cold? You're not moved by emotional appeals or social bonds. What's haunted? You're often lost in reverie, reliving past horrors, seeing things. Okay, yeah, that was the one.

That does match, like, his monologuing on the rooftop. Yeah. Yeah. The OCD. Yeah. Yeah, I think he maybe had, like, a bit of drama before, which he kind of, like, settled into, you guys, and stopped monologuing. Yeah. But, like, you look over at Fenton, and he slicked his hair back as far back as it'll grow. Yeah, he dunked his hands in the punch bowl and just, like… I slicked my hair back, and I have, like, a big collar and a cape, and I've got vampire teeth. Oh, no.

And I'm like, I am haunted now. I'm a vampire kid. So now he thinks… He thinks he's a vampire? He flicks the cowl and runs away. He knocks over the punch bowl. I swear, one of those creatures in the chocolate factory was a vampire, and now I'm a vampire. But I think the thing that he… Where, like, Clover became an emo girl, I think the thing that Fenton's gonna do is just be a vampire. Yeah. That's pretty good. You know those kids? Vampires? That just were vampires?

I was a werewolf for a year, yeah. I know what you mean. Hilarious. So he's a vampire. He's gonna be a vampire kid. Okay. He doesn't know how to do the makeup, though, so he looks kind of like a mime. Uh-huh. I mean, this isn't terribly surprising, considering how much time he's already spent dressed as a vampire. I know. And writing about vampires. He's kind of been ramping up to this. Yeah. He's just not coming out of his costume. Yeah.

You know a kid where something bad happens, and then they're just in a dog outfit for two years? That's what's happening. Uh-huh. That's my sister. Only snow white. Oh. For, like, two years, and would lose her absolute mind, refuse to wear anything other. That's awesome. So, yeah. Fenton has taken a point of drama. So whenever we transition to Blades in the Dark, keep in mind that will be a thing that remains.

So, is there anything else at the party we want to take care of, or do we get into downtime activities? I feel like the downtime could be the whole party. Yeah, totally. So then you guys still have, like, downtime things. Okay. First, we have to do… We have to do entanglements. Didn't Clover also take drama? Oh, yeah. I did. You took two points. Yeah, I've got two points now. So what is Clover's new point of drama? Can I… Do I just go further into my unstable drama? You certainly can. Okay.

Because, I mean, mechanically, the real risk here is that once your drama fills out, Clover's done. Right. For good. So I kind of imagined her going into, like, direction of, like, goth. Mm-hmm. Like, metal kid. Yeah. Like, going from just being depressed. She started smoking. Oh! Oh. It's not a bad idea. Because she's almost 13. Yeah. She's picked up smoking. That's where Clover went. She smokes clove cigarettes. Oh! So cool! It stinks so much.

I can't tell if it smells better or worse than real cigarettes. Yeah. Oh, she stole some of Greg's clove cigarettes. Yeah, she'll steal them sometimes. Whoa. And she's been hiding in the tunnels smoking. Whoa. Whoa. That's what she's doing in this party. She's just, like, having a puff. And she's doing it. She's not hiding it anymore. Yeah, she's standing in the corner in the shadows as the glow orb lights flash around her face sort of like, you know, an 80s disco ball. Yeah.

And then you see the smoke. Fenton, like, sees Clover smoking. Yeah. And he pinches Franklin really hard on the upper arm. And he's like, Franklin, do you see this? What are you doing? What are you doing? Nothing. Nothing? So you hate yourself now? I wouldn't say that. I'm just stressed out. Clover, you can't start smoking. Only bad kids smoke. I'm not a bad kid. Why are you smoking? I'm just misunderstood. I want to understand. I guess you would because you're in there with me.

Clover, you're smoking out in the open. Everybody can see you. What? Should I be hiding myself now? No. Should I be ashamed? Wait. Wait. Give me one of those. What? Franklin, no. Well, if you don't want me to smoke, then why are you smoking? I wish I could answer that. She's smoking in, like, a crate. People listen to Kit here. This is Jessica smoking in a way that is like a person who's never picked up a cigarette in her life. Because I haven't.

She's got a flat hand, fully flat hand in front of her face. She's putting a flat hand in front of her face. Why? Is this supposed to look like this? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, actually, it looks like you're smoking, kind of. All right. Yeah. It looks pretty natural. I'm trying my best, you guys. It looks like Jessica was maybe a bad kid, and now she smokes. She knows how to smoke. Never a bad kid. Oh, my God. She just asked a pencil. She's a bad kid. Oh, my God. She's a bad kid.

She's a bad kid. Franklin, I can't do that to you. Oh, you can only do it to you? This is a dangerous path. I know, but I don't know how to come away from that path. I don't know if I can turn back. I'm too far down the path. Don't walk that path alone is all. When you're ready to turn around, we'll be behind you. She hands you the cigarette. I tap dance it out. What? I didn't know that's what you're going to do. That sucks. Those things are fucking expensive.

Do you know how hard I have to work to steal that from Greg? I know how hard you'll work to steal another one. If you really want to do it. Any barrier is a good one. You look over at Fenton and he's crying. You can see streaks in my makeup that he's wearing. Oh, no. He's like, Clover, we're not supposed to be the smoking kids. We're supposed to be the cool tree kids. We made the fudgies. We don't smoke cigarettes. Oh, Fenton, I'm so sorry.

We just rode a roller coaster together and we don't even smoke cigarettes. You're right. You're right. You're right. I got quit. Don't even smoke. I've been trying to quit for years, Fenton. You're right. You're right. It is funny to drive that this is the wedge. She smokes a single cigarette. She's like, I have to quit. Yeah. I can't do this to my family. Put it out. And then tell her not to and cry in her face. Yeah. A clove cigarette. Yeah. But it's pretty realistic.

Fenton, I promise I'm going to work on quitting my habit. It's going to be hard, though. And Fenton's like, Clover, I love you so much. I love you. I love you. I love you, too. I don't want you to drive a cigarette, pal. And now has come the time to roll entanglements. Okay. Fucking amazing. Roll one die, plus one die if the target was high profile. Oh, yeah. Plus one die if the score was loud and chaotic. It was pretty loud. Yeah. So, yeah.

Three die so far and plus one die if there was killing involved, which we've always said is violence, not killing. Yeah. Super violence. Yeah. We set off like a bunch of bombs. Yeah. Fenton kind of blew up Shathane a little bit. I blew Shathane. And we were like on the draw. You blew Shathane. I blew Shathane. We were on the cart that was like. So, you were violent against the cart for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Four die. Highest thing you've ever rolled. Wow. That was easy.

Do I even have four die? Three and four. Three. Three. Three. Okay. So. The crew attracts bad notice or encounters rivals. Oh. Oh. Bad notice makes sense. Yeah. Because we were always kind of an annoyance. Yeah. But now the wine moms are like, what the fuck happened to our dark chocolate? Yeah. So, you are sitting there smoking your club. Well, thinking about it. God, I got to quit smoking. Yeah. Today, I picked the craziest day to quit smoking. I mean. I mean. The day she started.

I mean, a corn dog instead, but I'm thinking about smoking. You're holding it like a cigarette. I am. Yeah. I'm holding the stick like a cigarette. I'm taking bites. Wow. Jessica, you got better at looking like you were smoking when you imagined it was a corn dog. Aren't they that long? Could be. I don't know. I always watched my grandma and she'd smoke like this. Yeah. All four. All four. All four figures out. Well, there you go. Smoking like a grandma.

And you're, you're standing there thinking about what might happen. Might come next and how far you've come when you hear coming down the tunnel. Clink. Clink. Clink. Clink. Shit. Well, hello, kids. And it's Corb Green. It's cops scatter. Nope. Franklin yells. He thinks it's that kind of party. I'm here in an unofficial capacity. Did you come to congratulate us? The exact opposite, in fact. Did you come to imprison us? Okay. Not the exact opposite. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I just came to inform you, dear children, that you have run afire all of a powerful enemy. Who? The Vineyard. Oh, duh. Knows that you were involved. In what? I do not know, because my detectorial abilities have not quite uncovered that current conundrum. What did they say about us? All I know is rippling throughout the mall that some sort of hide vigilante was run afire in some sort of dangerous part of the mall.

Oh, that was Shathane. Uh-oh. And that the vineyard is none too happy about those involved. They hired an elf to kill us. That is a serious accusation, my dear boy. If you would like to go this route, you best be sure what that means. What does it mean? Accusing an organization as powerful as the vineyard of attempted murder. What? Attempted murder, my boy. Well, you surely must understand the danger that comes along with this.

Well, they better understand the danger that comes along with attempting to murder us. And they… Kisses all his knuckles and then kisses them all at once. Well, I just thought that you should know that the wine… Sorry, the vineyard is their official name. You just always call them the wine moms and it's still… Sticking in my brain, so to speak. Pretty good. They are aware of your involvement.

The name Cool Treat Kids came up and the name is spreading across the mall as one of the most notorious and nefarious criminal organizations of a certain hierarchy, of course, in the mall. The upper of the lowest, so to speak. Huh, the upper of the lowest. I mean, it's hard not to feel proud about that. Yeah, I know. I've never not… I've never not… I've never been the lowest of the lowest. That feels pretty good. And we are, after all, adults. Fenton, where did you get that? I'm miming.

How am I going to quit when there's so much temptation around me? So many reminders of my dark past. Pretending to smoke. Yeah. Well, as long as you are aware of the danger that is coming down on your heads. Corb, can you help us? Yes. I'm afraid, children, that you have strayed far from my light. No. Well, all right. What did you have in mind? It is hard for me to turn down the aid of a child that looks as sad as the three of you look. Hmm, thank you.

That's not a compliment, my boy, but tell me what it is that Corb Green could do for you. Could you maybe spread rumors that we're hiding out in a different part of the mall? No. Maybe tell them that we've been hiding out at the petting zoo on the roof with the goats. Oh, my God. The heavy petting zoo? That is what it's called. That's pretty funny. It is called the heavy petting zoo. It's funny that they put it on the roof. And it's, like, abandoned, so it's, like, overgrown wild. Yeah, totally.

It's just a forest on top of the mall, full of goats, mostly. Yeah. Is somebody using one of their downtime activities? I will. I will. We'll call this, um, acquire an asset. Okay. Corb is gonna go out there and temporarily be able to draw attention away from where you truly are hiding. I'll see what I can do. There are still honorable folk amongst mall security, though it becomes more corrupt as the days go by. Your friend Millie, I believe you've had a run-in or two with her. Oh, yeah, we did.

She is still one who seeks justice in the mall. Yeah, she's the one that told us about the speakeasy, about Tina Derger's speakeasy. Indeed. So, Millie and the others, we will do our best to draw attention away from you until things become a little more stable. Thank you. Thank you, Corb. And now I must return to my patrols. I must return to my crusade of justice. Do you want to come into the glow-in-the-dark party? I really shouldn't. Are those fruit roll-ups? They are.

Click, click, click, click, click, as the little, like, beach ball that is Corb Green waddles across the floor. I forgot he was so short. He's a halfling. I am far too busy. How about that fruit by the foot? Same thing. It is amazing because I am but a foot long, so the fruit by the foot is much more impressive to me because it seems like fruit by my whole body. All right, that is one downtime activity of six gone. Should be said, usually you would get paid after a job.

This was a job you pulled for yourselves. No money was coming from this. But we do have this. And Fenton turns and he's got the big rucksack on. Mm-hmm. It's full of the darkest of… Then you know what. …dink chocolates. Mm-hmm. So… I said it out loud. I thought we were going to use cues and codes. So now comes the time to ask, what is your next step here? I think the only person who can fence this that we know that can fence this is Shitty Foods Doris. Oh, interesting. Who is he?

She is here. She is here. We've been keeping her on the outside of this to protect her, but she might be the only person who can get this out of our hands. Yeah. Wasn't there something like that? Like she could take… We could give it to her and she could cut them out and then be a force for good and patronage? Actually, yeah, you're right. We're thinking that we would take this dark chocolate and make it shitty. Oh, right. Yeah.

So she would basically like have a monopoly over the dark chocolate. Yeah. Yeah. She could make a shitty mole. She could make a shitty mole. Yeah. And we could flood the market with this super dark chocolate. Oh, and turd truffles. Yeah. Truffle shaped like turds that taste like turds. And we give them out for free. Yeah. And nobody thinks that it's good or special. We totally just devalue the market. Right. That's what we were going to do. Yeah. So that's what I'm asking.

That's what I mean, I guess. Is that your next score? Yeah. Your next job is selling, is flooding the market. Convincing her to get on board with this. That's going to be easy. Easy. That's something that we'll do during downtime. I think the flooding the market is us like marketing them. All right. Yeah. Like cool treat kidding them all. Yeah. And that's what I mean. So it is, that is your next job you think is okay. Selling this shitty chocolate. Yeah. And we make it give you crazy diarrhea.

Exactly. Yeah. So wait. Oh, we'll talk about this when the actual time for the job comes. But is it that you are selling it as the cool tree kids or you're like secretly behind it? Setting up sales. I think we had the idea because shitty food gives out free shit. Yeah. You just have them give it out for free. It's extremely socialist. Yeah. Yeah. So we'd want to have shitty food be the face of it. I see. Okay. The wine gums, wine moms are selling something similar right now. Aren't they?

I know that they. No. They were going for it. They are going for it because they want to make a new exclusive product. Yeah. And they were going to try and sell this to fund the acquisition. We're going to make something that's as close to that as we can make. Yeah. Yeah. For free. Yeah. And bad. And bad. And bad. To turn the opinion of the mall people away from dark. To chocolate. Yeah. Okay. So that is what we have in mind. So now, yeah.

What is the next, what's the next downtime move that you guys want to do? What are the possible downtime moves? Clear one harm. Indulge your vice to clear three stress. Take a segment on a long-term project clock or gather information. We'll add acquire an asset to that, which is temporarily gaining access to something you don't have. Yeah. I don't have any stress and I don't have any harm. Yeah. Yeah. Neither. That's great. That's great. Because they took drama.

I have a bunch of stress, but I want to keep it. I want to. I want to. Okay. You're trying to get drama too. Yeah. For Frank, it's like, I'm drama. Yeah. I want to smoke. Yeah. These are cool. Finn's a vampire. Clover's smoking. Clover's dark hair. That's so cool. She does like a little Pantene Pro-V hair flip. So sick. Finn's definitely an adult now. That's awesome. Okay. So then, yeah. What? I guess it would be gather info, take a segment, or acquire an asset. Yeah.

I will gather info, I guess. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's cool. What are you trying to gather info on? I'm going to ask Doris if she's heard or come across any recipes that the wine moms are trying to gather up for these truffles and the dark chocolate stuff. Okay. So you go over to Doris and you hear her be like, oh, it's for such a brainy man. You're so burly. I see her squeezing his biceps. Yeah. And he's like, well, you know, I do. I do try. I try and keep my upper body.

You know, you got to keep fit. You got to keep the muscles young and supple. She's like, and boy. Oh, Jesus. And Clover's like, oh, maybe I'm not grown up. This is gross. And he goes, oh, yeah. Hey, Clover. Hey, what's going on? Come over here. Come free me from this. Rescue me from myself. Sorry to interrupt your date or whatever is going on. Oh, not at all. Doris, can I talk to you? Of course. It's not a secret or anything. Greg, you can stay if you want. I know. Or if you don't want.

Actually, I look at Greg pointedly. I'm like, it actually is very secret. So you need to go far away to the other side of the room. Okay. Well, if I have to. Goodbye. And he's gone. Doris, I need your help. What is it, girl? I know that you have access to all the recipes in the food court. How do you know this? Well, sometimes you talk to yourself when you're. You're doing food prep. I hear you listing off ingredients and I put two and two together. Okay. Spaghetti bolognese. Okay.

Say this was true. How can I help you? Have you come across any dark chocolate recipes? They're probably newly added. They could be under secret names. Like Shiraz. Yeah. Shiraz. Chardonnay. Chardonnay or Oki. Oki. After birth. Or Rose. Oh, yes. Now that I think about it, there has been one. What's it called? Pinot Noir. Oh. It's a noir. The light seems to dim in the room. The music quiets. And Greg goes, oh, sorry. Whoops.

And he rolls back and he puts the lights back up and puts the bottle back up. Whoopsies. Pinot Noir, you say? Shh. Shh. Sorry. Shh. Pinot Noir. I need you to make a copy of it. It would be very dangerous. I know. But I believe in you. You're very brave. I will do this for you. And I need you to alter the original recipe and make the copy look real. You know what I mean? Yes. Forgery. Because I make the recipe gross. Gross forgery? Yes. This I can do.

My food has always been shitty, but not gross. Never. Never. Never. And now it's time to stretch. Stretch my gross wings. I believe in you. I know what you, you know what makes food shitty and good. So that means you know the opposite. Making it bad. She nods sagely. And I need you to hold on to the original. We can't let the wine moms have it. Very well. So this is, you're asking for two things here. You're asking for information about the recipe and you're asking for the recipe. Yes.

So that's both your. Yeah. Okay. Gone. Gone. I shake Doris's hand. And she grips it and her bony old lady hands grip you so tight. Ow. Got a firm handshake, Doris. I'm excited. I'm excited too. Time for espionage. It has been long years since I have done espionage. And she reaches into her apron and pulls out a ball of clava. Whoa. You carry that on the reg? Her hairnet folds down into a ball of clava. Into a ball of clava. Yeah. Now, back to the show.

She looks back at the shadows and she runs into the tunnel. She stops. She looks back wistfully at Greg. Aw. And then she runs into the tunnels. Can I ask a question about that? Oh, sure. Yeah. Is Pinot Noir a kind of wine or chocolate? Are you asking Jessica or Clover? I am asking Jessica. Oh, it's a wine. Okay. Yeah. So you found a recipe for a wine? Yeah, but it's, so it's actually for chocolate, but they've listed it under wine. Oh. Okay. We've got three more, three more downtime activities.

Between Franklin and Fenton. Um, are there any downtime activities that will make me a more effective vampire boy? I mean, yeah, I guess technically. We're the king of the vampires. Oh, the study group. Gather information about any vampires in the mall? You can join the study group? No, I go to, I go to the study group. Cause they're like, they were invited to the party too. They're there. Yeah. And they're all on the other side of the room and they're extremely gothic medieval. Are they the?

LARPers? Right? No, the study group is not, they, they're, they are LARPers, but whereas the shadow cloaks are a LARPing adventuring party. Okay. Okay. Yeah. But the study group, technically they cosplay as like gothic, but like gothic, like medieval, like priests. Yeah. High collars. Yeah. Big hats. I like to think of, okay, so the shadow cloaks and then the study group, they're both at the party separate.

And I imagine Fenton like looking between them, like which kind of vampire do I want to be? Yeah. Totally. Like fantasy vampire or gothic vampire. And I look over and the, uh, the study group are like, they've draped their corner of the party in red velvet. Yes. And there's so many candelabras and they're drinking blood, but it's just Kool-Aid. But the study group are vampires. Yeah, I know, but they look so vampiric. Yeah, totally. And then Fenton descends on them.

He feels like he can learn more from the study group. He's also really smart. They have a library. Which is very vampire-y. Yeah. So, and by descend on them, he crawls into the vent up and then over to their part and then he falls out. Uh-huh. Just through the vent. And, uh, a member of the study group, the cardinal. Yeah. Oh. Wearing the red robes of a priest of a religion you are unfamiliar with. Sits with his chalice. He is probably 14 years old. Whoa.

He's doing that thing where it's like one leg. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Drinking out of a golden colored fake skull. Why art thou come before me? My lord, I have found myself imbued with a dark energy known as drama. And that dark energy has caused my aspect to change, to be afraid of the sun, and to stalk the tunnels at night in search of blood and other stuff. I do not know much about my new powers, but I do know that I am a vampire.

I have trucked long and aught with the creatures of the night known as vampire. Can you give me information about them? I can. You are doomed to the darkness. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. And the blood in your veins runs cold. So sick. And so you must draw that warmth from the veins of still living creatures. Awesome. There are many creatures in the mall that call themselves vampire. Like who? Is this a gather information, I guess? Yeah. For one, there are the members of the blood boys. Oh my god.

There are blood boys in the mall? I mean, so what, like, this is for us. The blood boys are definitely kids that pretend to be vampires. And of course, there are the members of the sanguine cult. Wow. And the kids around the cardinal are like, uh, uh, uh. And they like lean forward and they're like, hey, uh, Jeremy. Jeremy. The sanguine court are like actual vampires. Like, don't, you shouldn't tell this kid about the sanguine court. Tell me about the sanguine court, Jeremy. The sanguine court.

Aw. And they're like, Jeremy, I really don't think you should do this. Tell me about the sanguine court, Jeremy. Do you really ought to know? And then Fenton like scoops his hand in the chalice. He pulls it away. Get out of my chalice. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts.

He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He puts. He goes, it's like red velvet cake mix. And he's like, it's so good. And then he feels his stomach go. The Sanguine Court are a coven of vampires that live in the rafters above the Caprice Theater. That is where I must go. No, don't. No, don't go there. That is where I must go. Do not. To be among my kind. To be an adult who's also a vampire who sucks blood.

Jeremy, this is what we were afraid of, man. You told him where the vampires are, and now he's going to go to the vampires. Dude, that's actually where they are. Yeah, that's like real vampires. And then Fenton takes one of the clove cigarettes that he stole from Clover, and he lights it. Yeah. He takes a huge puff, and he blows it in Jeremy's face, and then he tries to disappear in the smoke. And I think. He's coughing so hard. Yeah, it kind of works because all the kids are like.

Grounds in my eyes. So that is what you learn. There is a genuine coven of vampires that lives above the Caprice Theater. Awesome. Known as the Sanguine Court. So cool. Pretty cool. Oh, God. What's up, everybody? It's your boy, Borbo Borbom Borblo, and I'm trying to go on tour with my band B4, the Burly Beach Bod Bros, and we've got some sponsors that we need to play to raise tour funds. Check them out. Do you have kids? Do you need to get away from them sometimes?

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You, the listener. Join the council and vote on important decisions. Create and name NPCs, form factions with other listeners, and even influence the hands of fate themselves. So don't wait. Visit noquestcast.com to claim your seat at our table. With the shopper who owns a white Audi suit of armor, please return to parking deck three. Your alarm is sounding. Well, I think all of that stuff sounds pretty sick, and I would buy it all now. Is that it? Have I fulfilled my contractual obligation?

Yeah, you can leave. Okay, great. Bye. Okay, bye. We're going on tour! And you have one more, and Fenton has one more, and Franklin has one more. Okay, do you want to go? I was going to see if Bill Hook could go get some information from the wine moms and get them all riled up, so to speak. Who's Bill Hook again? He's my contact. He was like my foster dad for a while. He's also a counselor. Counselor. He's a bootlegger. He's a bootlegger. Yeah. He kind of does dentistry.

Yeah, I think he does everything. He makes… Anything you need, Bill Hook can do. Yes. He does haircuts. Yeah. He can mend your clothes. If you want weird pets, he can bring them into the mall. Oh, yeah. He's got weird pets out the ass. Yeah. Literally. I have a snake in my ass. You want to tapeworm? So, yeah, what information are you looking for? What's a gap in the knowledge here that we're trying to fill? I feel like our plan is loose.

Well, we don't have to figure out the plan until next time. Yeah. No, yeah, I guess not. Do you have a project clock or anything? Yeah, I'm building a bigger gang army. Oh, yeah. Yeah, right. You're trying to, like, get more kids to join the gang. This is a perfect opportunity. This is a perfect opportunity. Yeah, party. Yeah, this is it. Yeah. So, I'll just make a badass party happen. Maybe I'll throw off some sick dance moves.

What's going to get teens on your side better than being really good at dancing? That's a great question, and I can't possibly give you a better answer than dance moves. I also want to go around the thing and give out Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Teens love Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Yeah, like, don't tell adults that we've got these. Of course, they're called Cheezos. Cheezos. These are going to blow your butts off. You light them in a candle first.

Yeah, and then you blow them out, or do you eat them with the fire? Yeah, you blow them out. The intense kids eat them with the fire. Whoa. That's so sick. What? What? Abdul's genuinely so taken with lighting a Cheeto on fire. That's 100%. Dancing? Yeah. That's 100% what, like, kids that are trained, trying to be bad would do. Yeah. They're like, you take a Cheeto, you light it on fire, you eat it when it's still on fire, if you're hardcore, and then it gets you super fucked up. It burns you.

Oh, my God. Also, Franklin found a bottle of beer. Oh. A real bottle of beer. Holy shit. And everybody's taking a sip from the bottle. Well, yeah, maybe. It's one that Borba opened and forgot to drink the other night. So flat. He was out drinking. Yeah. He got home like, hey, one more night, yep, put me down. And then passed out on the couch beside a flat, open beer. Warm as the fucking day is long. Yeah, exactly. No bubbles. Franklin thought you needed it warm.

He's been putting it by the heater all night. God. So it's hot now. This is freezing cold. Ugh. I mean, everything I eat, I want to eat hot, so I'm heating this up. So he makes a dance circle and, like, makes sure that none of the adults are around and then being like, hey, guys, I don't know if anybody's into this, if anybody's game, but I got this beer. And, like, and all the kids, like, eyes widen and they're all looking at each other. You hear a collective gasp.

And then Mindy Cart steps forward. I'll drink a beer. Whoa. Awesome. Um. Do you want to, do you want to share some of it? Do you want to share some of it? Do you want, I want a beer, too. Yeah, I want a beer, too. And Tony Bologna steps forward and goes, I want a beer, too. Shut up, Tony. Pepperoni Tony. Wait, no, what it was. Tony Bologna and Tony Pepperoni? Oh, it was Tony Bologna and Pepperoni Tony. Two of them were named Tony and then one of them was something else. Uh, who is this?

This is the cold cut trio. Oh. The three hot meat boys that hang out with you guys sometimes. Right, Gabagool or something? Right, yeah. Anyways, the Gabagool's. All three of the, the cold cut trio step forward and they're like, we also want beers. Whoa. Okay, well, we only have one beer. Okay, so we all take a sip of the beer. That's what. Stop saying beers. Okay, then we all take a sip of the beer. That's one beer five ways. That's plenty to get five kids wasted.

And then the Hoverstone twins come in and they're like, we heard that there was beers. We also want a beer. Ah, shit, we only have one beer. There's not enough for all of us to get wasted. All the kids are clamoring for a beer. Beer, we all want beer. Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer. Greg's like, that's probably what it looks like. You know what? I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just going to think of Doris's sweet cans. He says this to Corb Green.

Corb is eating a fruit by the foot, nodding like, right on, brother. This is the most adult party we've ever been to. The cigarette smoking, the beer, boobs. Because the only like reasonable chaperone left to do espionage. So, Franklin says, okay, there's only one way to settle who gets to drink this beer. Dance contest. Oh, oh shit. Awesome.

Hits a play button on a bottle and then he flips, he pulls out a cassette tape out of his torn off jean jacket with a tux underneath and then slams it in a boom box. Uh-huh. Closes it. What's that in music bottle terms? I want to hear you justify this. Oh, it's a two giant, like four liter water jugs. Yeah. Sick. With, um, a little arm that goes up to a lever with a forward pause, eject, stop. That are all things that control one single cork that go in and out of it at different speeds. Cool.

So you hit play and then it just pops the lids. Both of them same time so you get synchronized music stereo. This is like early stereo. Beautiful. Love it. Pops it up. And the music starts. I like the idea that there, there is like a little flask that's almost shaped like a cassette tape that you jam in, to it. Oh yeah. And it is connected to the two jugs. Oh, he's slamming it upside down. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys remember Chubby's? Yeah. Yeah.

Chubby's like the little fat pop bottles and you slam one of those on top and it goes into the jugs. And then, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, And who starts? Does Franklin go first to set the tone for the dance battle? No, he puts his hand out for, and points at Mindy. Whoa, and she goes, me? Who else? She grabs your hand. Boom, we go into it. Yeah, strutting, doing like cool, like intertwining. Oh yeah.

It's almost like you practiced because you guys were practicing for a dance competition. The crowd's kind of giving you guys a lot more space. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, doing a robot on top of a worm. Oh my God, He's starting to do a robot. It's just a dance move, everybody. It's just a dance move. He looks like a robot. Fenton. Fenton says that. And Greg goes, don't worry, boy. He's just doing a dance. A sick dance. And then the cold cut trio all spin each other into the circle.

And they start doing a three-man robot. Oh, no. They rehearse for sure. Oh, definitely. It looks so sharp. It looks so great. There's a thing where two of them crouch down, providing steady legs as a platform. And the third jumps up on top and does a cool move. They're Voltroning. Oh, my god. It's a pyramid of robots. Just another dance move. And he tries to do a flip. And he overshoots it. And he lands right on his face. And all the kids are like, oh, fuck. Oh, no.

And then the two cold cut trios drag Pepperoni Tony out of the circle. And Clover steps in. Yeah. And she throws off a hat that she's wearing. Go, Clover. It's just a toque. She was trying a hat for part of the movie. Yeah, totally. And she does the dance that Wednesday Addams does. Yeah, totally. From the hit TV show Wednesday. Yes. Yeah. And everyone is enraptured by this absolutely baffling dance that's kind of scary sometimes because she's just staring at people.

But then everybody's like, uh, yeah. Hell, yeah. That was. That showed pizzazz. Yeah. As she finishes, she pulls out another cig. Lights it. Puff. And that. And disappears. And disappears. The smoke clears and she's gone. And all the kids were like, that was actually sick. The dance was not cool. But the fact that she started smoking in the middle of the circle and then disappeared. And then who finishes? What is, does Fenton dance? Oh, uh. He gets too shy. I was not going to.

I was like, I'm not very coordinated. I'm not good at dancing. I don't think I've ever danced. Did you see what I just did? What if you had a partner? Penny. She's dressed like a cactus. She holds her hand out. I take her hand. And she walks you into the circle. Yeah. How you get poked by the costume. There's a lot. You put more thorns on it. It's anatomically accurate. And then she gets the name. She gets the name. She gets the name. She gets the name. She gets the name. She gets the name.

She gets the name. She gets the name. She gets the name. She gets the name. She gets the name. Yeah. What does that mean? It's so confusing. And she walks you into the circle. And she takes the lead. She spins me in. And then her dance is just holding you by the shoulders and spinning in a circle. Moving hips. Moving hips. Like when a baby dances before it knows how to. It just shakes its butt back and forth. Yeah. Yeah. She's doing that. I do that. I do that too. And it goes on.

You guys do this for like two and a half minutes. We do it for way too long. We go way longer than all the other kids in there because we are so young. We have no frame of reference for what's normal or appropriate. You guys do like a few songs. Yeah. And eventually the dance competition moves away from Penny and Fenton. And we're just slow dancing with each other. And… Oh, who goes next? Either who goes next or who's the winner. Oh. Bye. The crowd decided. By applause-o-meter. Oh, yeah.

Greg rolls up and he's like, all right, we're going to do this according to the ancient laws. I'm going to put my arms like this. And when you clap, the applause-o-meter will determine who wins. Just like we did in the army. Under Colonel Ricky Lake. So let's hear it for the Cold Cut Trio. Oh. Some pity. Some pity claps there. Yeah. Someone says, the flip was cool. You did more than one flip. That's a good flip. That's actually cooler than less than one flip.

And you hear a guy on the couch coat. Thanks. And let's hear it for Clover Ivy Fern. Yeah. Clover. Oh, Clover. Some people are like scared of her. Yeah. Totally. And let's hear it for Mindy and Franklin. Oh. It's broken. You broke the applause. It's a applause-o-meter. That means that Franklin and Mindy win the beer. Why did I let this happen? Beer? When is there a beer? Worst chaperone possible. Just let me at least turn around before you drink the beer so I don't feel too bad about it.

And Franklin takes the beer and goes to Mindy like, here, have a sip. Does she take a sip? She does. She takes a little sip. Okay, I sipped the beer. Wow. Everyone's like, yeah! Minnie's drunk! She's drunk! Here you go. Now you sip the beer. Franklin takes a little sip of the beer. It's awful, dude. It's so bad. But he's like, awesome. Oh, Franklin's drunk! And he says, here, hold this. And then he does a backflip all the way across the room. Backflip, backflip, backflip.

And with every backflip rotation, he kicks the shelf above it where Greg keeps all of his cups. And every time he does a backflip, he kicks a cup off of it and catches it and then does another backflip. And he comes up with fists full of mugs and then fills it up with the beer and hands it all to different gangs. It was just the smallest little backwashy, barest drop of beer. And everybody's like, oh no. And then everyone's like, we're all hammered. We're all drunk. We're all so drunk. Fucking.

Just waiting. And Fancy's still dancing with Penny. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Very nice. And as the beers have been ceremonially sipped, the cold cut trio and like a couple members of the Shadow Cloaks and the Hubberstone Twins approach. One of the Hubberstone Twins. One of the Hubberstone Twins. We can't remember their names. And honestly, I think at this point, I don't think anybody knows their names. Yeah. We can never tell which one is which. So we just call them the Hubberstone Twins. Yeah.

One time when Franklin was near their house when their parents called them for dinner and they said, the Hubberstone Twins dinner's ready. What the fuck? The parents don't know. And Pepperoni Tony walks up, his hand clutching his probably broken nose. Hey, boss, that was pretty fucking cool what you did there. I just want you to know that when the time comes that you and the Cooltree kids are going to take it to another level, we would all be proud. We would all be proud to follow you. Wow.

So just, you know, put out the call and we'll be there. And there's a bunch of kids who have a bunch of unsipped beers in their cups that they're trying to hide. And they're like, yeah, totally. Same here. Thanks, guys. What's the call? Just guys. Hey, something like that. Dude, that works. So I'm taking that as checking your project clock? Yeah. Yay. How many more checks do you have? One more. Oh, that's going to be perfect for just after the last score.

That's going to put you guys into Blades in the Dark proper. Cool. With a real gang. Yeah. Okay. Fenton has one more. You're slow dancing with Penny. Didn't I go, Penny, I don't think it's safe for you to hang out with me anymore. What do you mean? I mean, me and Clover and Franklin, we did something that. We did something that I think is going to really mess with your mom's whole shit. Oh. And I think she'd be really pissed off if she found out that you're with me. Oh.

So we can't hang out anymore? And then Fenton becomes overly dramatic. And he like, he takes the cloak that he's wearing and he puts it in front of his face. And he's like, it's not safe for you. Don't be with me anymore. I'm a killer, Penny. I'm a killer. This is the skin of a killer. He touches the mind makeup. There's like, there's glittery stuff in the mind makeup. Yeah. What's that?

What is that scene where she, he's like, I've turned into something terrible and deadly and you cannot be with me. Why do you? I think I know what it is. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. Say it, Penny. Say it, Penny. Out loud. Out loud. Fenton. Yeah. I'm comfortable cutting that scene there. But we know what has been established. Yeah. Fenton's a vampire. He's too dangerous to be around Penny. Yeah.

But also like, he can't. He can't keep seeing her because she's a liability. Yeah. And Penny hobbles away in her cactus costume to the tunnel and she looks back. Well, she has to turn fully around in her cactus costume to look at you. Her arms are sticking out straight. And Fenton, like, in his heart, he wishes he could go over and hug her, but also he doesn't want to because that costume is really sharp.

And she turns, she waddles back around in a circle and then waddles down the tunnel out of sight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then Fenton goes, and every now and then I fall apart. I need you now. Tonight. More than ever. And you do have one more downtime activity. I do. I don't know what I'm going to do with it. What are the options? Gather information. Take a segment. Indulge your vice. Acquire an asset. Oh.

So he does, before Penny's completely out of sight, Fenton does stop her. Yeah. And he's like, Penny. Yeah? This is a lot to ask, but there might come a time when your mom is going to do something really bad to us. And if you could tell us before it happens, you would be saving our lives. Okay. Okay. I think she gets it. Okay. Bye. Bye. Waddle, waddle, waddle, waddle, waddle. Stuck at doorway. Stuck at doorway. Cramp, cramp. Sideways go through. Yeah. Gone. Okay. All right. Yeah.

To have an asset. Penny's my asset. Yeah. Sweet. She's going to let you, she's going to give you advanced warning of a threat of some kind from the vineyard. Yeah. If they, when they kind of pull the trigger or whatever the fuck they're going to do, she's going to let us know. Yeah. I like it. Okay. And the party continues on. Oh man. Some of these kids are pretending to be so drunk. The end time said question mark, question mark, question mark.

So this thing could go all the way to nine 30 baby. How does it kind of wrap up? What does it look like at the end of the party? Slow dancing. Definitely slow dancing. Oh. Bubbles. So Franklin and Mindy, I assume slow dancing to of course the classic dance, slow dancing song. Forever young. I want to be forever young. This is Borbo. He came back. Do you really want to live forever? He's just we are the Cardinal. Oh yeah. The Cardinals. It's not even Borbo didn't come back.

The Cardinal has taken over the music bottle. He, but the Cardinal is singing and Borbo is playing on keyboard organ from the pipes forever. Young. I want to be forever young because of my curse with the blood. Do you really want to be a vampire? Yeah. Yeah. Uh, and that song is pretty much about a vampire. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Clover. I assume. Is she dancing? I assume alone. Is Seamus here? Oh, I get no, I don't think he is. Yeah. I walk. I'm looking for Seamus. I don't see him.

It's weird. Yeah. He's not here. Be here. I walk over to Fenton. Fenton is like laying face down on the couch. Shaking. Whoa. As if he's crying. I put my hand on Fenton's shoulder. Hey, buddy. Yeah. Do you want to dance? Not really. Okay. Can I sit with you? Okay. I sit down on the floor next to Fenton. And then Fenton's like, I have to break up with Penny. Because she was a liability. I know. You made the right choice, though. Maybe when you're older, you two will reconnect.

When all this wine mom stuff is over. Okay. And you watch the dancing teens in front of you. And Fenton's like, I will dance. Are you sure? Yeah, I'll dance. I don't know. I don't know how to do it. I don't really know how to dance either. We'll figure it out. Franklin comes up, puts both his hands out. May I? We take his hands. And he spins you into the middle of the dance floor. Whoa. Then the four of us dance with Mindy. Yeah. Beautiful. So it's a four-way slow dance?

Yeah, so we're all holding hands. And then we all realize 10 seconds into this, this is a very awkward thing for four friends. And we're like, I want to be forever young. Franklin's like, I love you guys. Shit, he's drunk. He thinks he's drunk. He's one sip of beer. And the music carries on and the camera pulls up. And then the next morning, detritus everywhere. Kids pass out. Cups, plastic cups. Greg is sleeping in his chair. Dick drawn on his forehead. Yeah. Mushy sleeping across his nose.

And Clover, you're leaning against one of the walls covered in tubes, sleeping. And you are awoken by a shoo-clunk. Who's there? What happened? You slowly cram your eyes open. Yeah. Peel those lids back and see a rolled up piece of paper in the tube with the words printed on the bottom edge, Pinot Noir. Doris, you did it. Yeah. And that's where we're going to end it. I've been your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Fenton Beasley, the slide of dual disease.

So long, everybody. Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Take care. And playing Clover Ivy from The Whisper, Jessica Tai. Bye, friends. Thank you to susporter, super fan, and friend of the show, Samuel Quinn Morris, for our incredible intro and outro music. An amazing gift bestowed upon us by an incredible talent. Thank you to all of you, our susporters around the world, for susporting the show. This would not be possible. Without you. And we love you for it every day.

Thank you so much for listening. We'll see you next time. And so ends the tale of the Cool Treat Kids. Always up to no good.

So tiny and greedy And angsty they be As they navigate crime and puberty And though our journey may be like a conclusion We will not leave you without a reason We will not leave you without a reason Without a resolution Without a resolution Return next week To the chocolate store As the Cool Treat Kids plan their next score As the Cool Treat Kids plan their next score As the Cool Treat Kids plan their next score As the Cool Treat Kids plan their next score As the Cool Treat Kids plan their next score And for you I'll gladly spout ma.

Pickaxe I just imagine all the kids being like we drank a beer and now we're hung over like borbo and greg are like they just keep slugging this non-alcoholic beer we keep putting up for them it's not alcohol yeah because he's like look I'd rather them drink in the tunnels if they're gonna drink but I just don't want them developing any bad habits so I'm buying non-alcoholic beer I'm leaving it out I'm leaving it out pretending that I pass out I gotta drink half of them so they think that they're stealing from me otherwise they don't want it they don't want it if it's not warm and half drank by somebody else there's tons of real beer in his fridge that we never touch yeah it's cold gross yeah it hurts my teeth it's too cold and bubbly it hurts my nose how to open the bottle right so we can only drink the open one they can't get in the bottle so they have to wait for it to be open that's so fucking funny these dumb kids yeah we have to wait for our moment to strike and then we get the beer and we drink it and then we feel so sick first we make best friends so they're just drinking non-alcoholic beer and smoking cigarettes yeah being like we're so fucked up right now doing the cheezos which is lighting flaming hot cheetos on fire and eating them right yeah god we're turning to such bad kids so fast you guys got it like out of all their habits that one the flaming cheetos one is the most alarming it's the most you burn down the whole fucking wall you guys gotta get out of these tunnels you guys gotta stop eating on fire cheetos it's burning your mouths a lot it's just scar tissue in there now I can't taste anything uh hello and welcome yeah gather around friends let me tell you a tale of free scoundrels grabby and small a hippie a dancer and a sweet talker who live in haspyrum all you've seen them around they sell sweets by the pound their wares are famously tasty so here I sing singing to you of crimes involving kids so gather around friends and listen for the tales about to start hello everybody and welcome to spout more Mall Brats I'm your game master Sean O'Hara joining me as always playing fenton beasley the slide abdulaziz welcome to my lair of vampiric goodness all right franklin stein the cutter ball hoppers you know I like playing clover ivy the whisperer jessica ty hello there that actually was pretty good that was the closest you've ever been when last we left our heroes the cool treat kids had devised step one to their plan in the creation of pinot noir that is to gather the heaviest of goat cream from the heavy petting zoo on the top of the mall only the dankest boobs will match the dangers of goats yeah we're gonna get up there cream so hard by those boobs oh on those heavy jobs I'm forced to move on I'm forced to uh and in doing so they realize their main problem in the gathering of the heavy cream is transporting it so they contacted seamus seamus and mysteriously missing meat man what a wild way to say that I had to say it m&m meat man yeah mysterious and missing yeah that's what m&m that's what m&m meets is stood for this whole time they just showed up in your tree it's a cry for help it's a storm someone in the m&m meats factory oh my god clover asked him for help and asked him where he was he said he had diarrhea clover immediately did not believe him because he said that he got it testing out jerky but his he's got an iron constitution from all of the hot meats that he's been eating and jerky doesn't go bad everybody knows that yeah they went to the they went to the hubberstone twins disguising themselves as three penusian queens disguising themselves as three penusian queens disguising themselves as three penusian queens children they passed by erwin a penusian kid who's apparently staying in the mall with his family right now adequately performing the accents necessary to get by him and speaking with the hubberstone twins in their arcade hideout they traded a tiny little bit of the darkest of dark chocolate the void chocolate if you will the anti-chocolate the anti-chocolate for a bit of information learning that seamus during the party his his whereabouts were unaccounted for completely but he was spotted in the company of perhaps a member of mall security they then met up with alan tim new leader of the wild noggs after their previous leader was forced to go to summer school pretty funny shout out to a real one uh setting up under the bleachers after a volleyball practice in the crystal pool they all used their guiles and their wiles to impress upon alan that they could be trusted in this deal that the deal would be beneficial to alan and the wild noggs and also that they would be protected by franklin stein and the deal was that they help us get that cream out of there and then we split at 70 30 70 30 yeah clover attempted to tap into her knowledge of palm reading to impress alan tim instead feeling the effects of something in the clove cigarettes that she's been smoking and she started hearing voices and in the last moments after the deal was struck crawled towards the dark chocolate and heard a voice from the other side of the room and she said I'm not sure if it's real or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake or fake all our big fat goats and come to our heavy petting zoo.

This is the ad that plays sometimes. There's a guy that walks. An animatronic guy. Yeah, an animatronic at the front. So you come up to the gate. Franklin gets there first. He's brave. Yeah. And there's this big door. You know, you're like still inside the mall, but you know outside this is the outdoors. Yeah, we had to climb all the way up the service stairs. It was at least four flights. Maybe more.

But yeah, you arrive at the top of the stairs and there's a big two double doors that lead out to the heavy petting zoo. Which is like a rooftop patio that's covered all overgrown in grass. Exactly. This was abandoned by the food court long ago. They were like, there's not enough money in this heavy petting zoo so we're just going to seal it off and forget about it. So there is a, yeah, the two double doors have like a rope across them with a sign that says like closed forever. Whoa. Yeah.

And there's a wood cut out with a farmer on it next to the door that says, welcome to the High Spirit Mall's heavy petting zoo. There is a little speaker that says that. You guys trip some sort of sensor and it's like, howdy there partners. Howdy everybody. My name's Farmer Kevin. Kevin. My name's Farmer Kevin. Welcome to the High Spirit Mall petting zoo. Make sure to keep your hands away from the animals. Why? Why?

And Fenton is aware that Clover was like really tripping balls earlier so he's like, Clover are you feeling okay now? Yeah, I think I got it all sweated out of me. You just keep jumping weird. Yeah. I wouldn't worry about it. I'm not worried at all. Okay. Well that was convincing. And the doors lay here before you. What do you do? Knock three times. Should we wait though for the Oh, the boys? Yeah. They're gonna be down. They're gonna be at the bottom? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, that's what I was wondering is how you're getting the milk from upstairs to downstairs. We took a bunch of pool noodles from Crystal Pool. Yeah, we taped them together. Oh, smart. That's so smart. Holy shit. That's a genius idea. And we forgot that it's gravity fed. So we told them it's like a siphon. So at the bottom they have to start sucking out. We're gonna climb up to the top. By the time we get up there and start milking them, it's probably work. It's sucking now.

It's like an hour and a half. To build up the pressure. He is gonna get murdered by cream. When it eventually hits. Yeah, so the doors are in front and you knock three times. Yes. Boom. Boom. Boom. Cream. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And the rope falls away. And what do we see on the other side of this door? A bunch of goats grazing. Birds flying away. Oh yeah. Oh, and this is the roof, right? Yeah, this is the roof. So it's like blinding sunlight straight hits us. Yeah. Yeah, and Fenton's like blue sky.

The blinding rays of the sun shining through there are a bunch of like poles on the roof that are holding up like a net. Oh, thank God. That was designed for some reason. Like a bunch of birds take flight and slam into the net and fall down and keep flying away. But it's like a very pastoral, because everything in the High Spirit Mall is huge. Yeah. There's apple trees. There's apple trees. Rolling hills. Stream down the middle. Yep. There's a stream.

There's a water wheel with an old mill and like a dilapidated farmhouse in the distance. Wow, this place is fucking huge. And yeah, there are a bunch of goats. And they're pretty like chill. They look at us and they go bleh. Yeah. And they're so fat, these goats. It's crazy. And so are these just really fat goats or are these big goats? Both.

Well, there's the really fat old ones that were fattened so that they would be here for petting, but then their generational ones are just giant because they were fed on the heavy, heavy cream. Right. There's some goats that are just like bleh. And they are like… Like thumping across, like just eating all the grass. Some of them are eating like leaves off the trees, like Jurassic Park, like… And apples.

Oh yeah, because the big ones are big because of the cream and then they get more nutrients from the fruit trees. So they're like huge, healthy goats. And they're in the sun, unlike us who are sickly kids. Oh my god. We are not vitamin D deficient. No. Powerful. And there's an orchard off in the distance of a variety of fruit trees that looks like it's kind of thick, like it's got a canopy. Right. Fruit is probably kind of rare for us because we mostly eat like candy. Yeah.

Ew, there looks like there's fruit over there. Gross. Stuff that's coming off of those trees. Yuck. They're not even gummy or sugared in any way. But yeah, here are the goats. What do you do? Franklin brought some of the popcorn that they used to as a safety net when Fenton was up in the rafters. So he's trying to coax the goat. Here, I have some popcorn. Some grains for them. And it looks at you with its like sideways like hourglass eyes and it's just like and kind of waddles over to you.

It's heavy cream filled udder swinging back and forth. And you're kind of like, Franklin's eyes are wide. It's like, where are the boobs? What the hell is this thing? Well, and I grab a little like like this wooden stool and a bucket. I start milking away. Yeah. Oh wow. They're just open for it. That was easy. Yeah. Before I was orphaned I knew how to milk cows and I figured it's kind of the same thing. Right, you grew up on a commune. Yeah. So I still got pretty powerful forearms.

From all that milking. From all that labor. Yeah. And these goats have no natural predators up here so they've just lived in paradise. And this goat is yearning for a milk farm. Yeah. Please. I'm about to explode. Please, I'm begging you. Should we roll to try and get the heaviest of creams out? Let's do it. What kind of roll would this be? We're going to have finesse and prowess. Oh yeah. Finesse makes sense. Maybe it could be a group action because you're teaching me how you used to do it.

Oh, group action, yeah. I'll milk them. Yeah, is Fenton doing some milking too? Yeah, I'm helping. Oh, you're carrying the heavy cream down to the chute. Yes. If you want. Yeah. Or do you want milk also? I thought we were going to connect the chute directly to the udder. I did not think that, but that was a crazy idea. Is that a bad idea? I won't do that. I mean, you can only connect it to one goat at a time, I guess. Okay, yeah.

I'll carry the buckets of cream back to the chute and I'll pour it in. It seems a shame not to say, but this goat only has one udder. Fenton, that's a boy. The classic milking joke. Get to the bottom. I think it's starting. So yeah, the plan is you milk the goats and then just dump it down the thing and the wild nogs fill up their tureens. Yeah, their tureens are attached to their bikes. Okay. So yeah, let's see this finesse group action. So who's leading this? I guess it's Clover.

She's leading it. Sure, yeah. Okay. Three and a two? Are you kidding me? I got two. I got four. Okay, so that's a partial success. Oh my god. And Clover takes two stress from her failure and from Fenton's failure. Sorry. No, that's okay. Whoops. I keep spilling it. I have to show you how to carry a bucket. Okay. If Fenton keeps drinking it, he hasn't had straight protein for a long time. I can't stop myself from drinking it. It's so creamy.

I tell you that I spill it, but I've got a giant milk mustache and I'm like, sorry, I spilled it again, Clover. You're gonna have to milk another goat for me. For that. For the cream. So what has changed his neck tattoo from blood goes in here to cream goes in here? Hey. So what's the partial success here? They get the hang of it, but they are drinking a lot of it. Maybe it takes longer time, so then there's more. Time for people to come and catch us. Yeah, I like that.

Yeah, there's probably a reason why people aren't up here all the time because it seems really nice. Yeah, an aggressive rooster. What a specific and good thing. So you're you're milking a goat and you hear from a shadow. Is it a wolf? Is it a wolf? Oh, God. So yeah, you look over into like the grass on the edge of the pasture and you see the largest chicken you've ever seen. It's at least two and a half feet tall. Oh my God, it's enormous. It's me size. Oh no. It can hide behind us.

Yeah, and it starts like stepping out of the grass like our fucking velociraptor. Oh my God. Franklin, do you have any more of that popcorn? Oh, yeah. Popcorn, so I throw in the popcorn. What are you rolling here? Sway? Yeah, I suppose it is sway. Okay. Yeah, risky standard. I got three. Okay. I'll take a stress. Okay. So you throw a bunch of popcorn seeds at this chicken. They land in front of it in the field and it just goes and then slowly walks backwards into the grass and out of sight.

No, that's bad. No, no. It's probably fine. I think he's probably… I just really like happy that we gave him popcorn. I want to turn around. What's behind us? Just grass and goats. All right, let's milk fast, you guys. No more fucking drinking the milk. What? Milk mustaches. Drink it. We both have milk mustaches. So how long does it take you guys, do you think, to milk enough to fill the terrains of the wild dogs?

Like an hour and a half probably of just like filling, dumping, filling, dumping. And every once in a while, like you're… You're milking the fat small ones and then a couple of the like larger ones come by and they're like… And you milk like a bunch from one big lady goat. Whoa. And it is… It's barely milk, honestly, at this point. It's just the richest like cream top. And we have to like get it to the chute quickly. Oh. Or else it starts congealing into like thick cream.

And that's why we got Jerry to suck so hard at the bottom. Yeah. Yeah. Suck harder, Jerry. There's… The tube is getting lined. There's… They're starting to like milk the tube. Yeah, nice. Yeah, you've got wild dogs all the way down the stairs like squeezing. Jerry's gonna get some of these kids. And Alain… Alain runs up to the top of the stairs and comes out into the heavy petting zoo and goes, Oh, he throws his hands over his eyes. It's so bright out here. Look, we've got a problem.

What's going on? The cream is so rich and delicious that it is starting to set in the terrains. And my boy… Stop drinking it. All of the… All of the cream. All of it comes up. He's got like… It's all clustered. The padlock. He has like a little goatee of milk cream too. We've easily could have filled the terrains by now. It's like an hour ago. It's so rich and delicious that it's setting in the terrains. And if we don't get moving soon, it's gonna solidify past the point of usability.

We're gonna have to roll out pretty quick. Okay. Assembly line, you guys. So what we know is that you basically have to cut through the mall to the Wild Nog's Creamery. There's gonna be people trying to sell it. There's gonna be people trying to sell it. I'm gonna stop you. Of a variety. If they see all this fat cream, they might put it together that we have the dang chocolate. Exactly. Oh, shit. Yeah, and the wine moms are looking for us too. Tina Durger's looking for us. Yes.

If we pass it by any other psychonauts that happen to be traveling in the mall, they might hear the chocolate. Oh, right. Because apparently people on drugs can hear it. Yeah. Clover, are you still hearing the chocolate? Trash rights. Clover? What? Um… Yes. We will transport the cream very fast. What the fuck? She's so fucked up right now. She's so out of it. It's crazy. Okay, so then we will do the engagement roll. Your approach is definitely transport. Carry cargo or people through danger.

And we know the route, which is straight through the mall. Yeah. From here to the Nog Hogs or Wild Nog's Creamery. And the means is the Wild Nog's Terrain Bikes. Sweet. So now is just the time to put the cream and the roll together. Is this operation particularly bold or daring? Uh-huh. I would say so. Yeah. So you get a plus one. Does this plan's detail expose a weakness or vulnerability to the target or hit them where they're weakest? Not in any way. No.

Is the target strongest against this approach? Don't they have security in their back pocket? Yeah, kind of. But I mean, this isn't a thing that they're like ready for. And we'll be like probably hanging onto the bikes. Yeah. Fast. I think mall security is like trained for shoplifting. People who are stealing. People who are stealing. Not a shitload of kids ripping ass through the mall so fast. Yeah. It'll just be more of a like, hey, stop running in the hallways kind of vibe. Yeah, totally.

Then they'll be like, wait, there's something actually going on here? Yeah. Yeah. Can any of your friends or contacts provide aid or insight for this operation? 100%. Oh, yeah. So take a plus one die for that. Are there any other elements you want to consider? Maybe a lower tier target or a higher tier target? It is a higher tier target for sure to get through this hallway because it's security, right? Yeah. To get through the mall. Because you're not going to be hidden.

You're going to be directly moving. It's two higher tier opponents actually. Yeah. Because it's security and the wine moms? And the wine moms. Yeah. So you'd probably lose a die on this. Oh, the barbecue dads will be involved in this too for sure. Yeah. But the dads don't like to pay attention. Oh, right. They're stupid. Yeah. They definitely. They're walking around like they standing and looking at like- Cargo shorts. Yeah. Yeah. They're all crowded around. Yeah.

So they just put just one suit of armor in a window. Yeah, totally. Yeah, definitely. Man, I used to have one of those in high school, but you know, the wife made me get rid of it when we had some kids because they said that I kept falling over near the kids and eventually I was going to crush one of them. So you got two dice for this engagement roll. Who's rolling them? I'll roll it. Okay. Engagement. Activate Fenton Beasley form of a bike convoy. One and three. Oh my God. Shit. Darn.

So you're in a desperate position when the action starts. Cool. I think we've got, you know, you're gathered at the base of the stairs. The convoy is set up. There's like 10 bikes with terrains full of cream. Some of them have like wagons attached to the back with like even more terrains. Who's on whose bike? I'm in the back of one of the wagons. Nice. Yep. And I got the pool noodles with me. Sweet. Where's Franklin? Franklin, he's on a bike with no terrains. It's going to be hovering.

They can go up and go around. He's mobile. Cool. He's on pegs. He put pegs and he's facing the opposite way. Oh. So he's like ready for a fight. So you're facing backwards? Facing backwards. While someone is biking? Okay. Oh my God. I got candy gear on. So cool. I thought you meant that you were driving, you were like piloting a bike backwards. And I was like, well now hold on. How does this work? And where's Fenton? Fenton is at the front of the charge.

Wearing an all red full body suit with a guitar that's got a flamethrower on the front of it. So you're on a lands bike. Yeah. For sure. A lands at the front. I'm in the basket of a lands bike. I love it. In the basket with a little guitar. A ukulele. A little ukulele. With a sparkler stuck in the end of it. This is the kid version of Mad Max Fury Red. Yes. So this is a land like turns back. And he's like, all right, wild dogs. We ride. And they put their swimming goggles on.

They all put their swimming goggles on and a land holds his fist up. And you hear all the kids go. With their mouths. That's my bike. And some of them are like, you see them taking playing cards and like pegging them to the spokes of their things. So cool. Yeah. Putting like fingerless gloves on. Yeah. All of them. Put their helmets on and clasp them on and make sure they're tight and they fit properly.

And they all go by and they knock each other's helmets to make sure that everybody's being safe. Safety is cool. Fed says with two vampire teeth in his mouth. Definitely risking choking to death. So a land. Yeah. Holds his fist up. And I think a land is also like, this is how we do it, boys. This is how we get our honor back. It's a sore day. A red day. Air. One of the sunrises. We are fast. Fast. We are furious. Furious. He goes, wild dogs. Ho.

And then two other kids throw the double doors open and you go, boom, boom, boom, boom. And then everybody rides out into the mall proper. You fucking hit it hard. You're going strong. Streamers flying. Fenton playing so much ukulele. He's so fast. All right. What do we see? There's an interlude. There's an indoor festival happening. It's a pretty like chill festival. It's not like heavily attended. Not heavily attended. Yeah. They're sort of like, it's kind of winding down.

It's a loose tea festival. And, um, you know, there's like tea farmers and sellers with their wares out and they've got like a couple of tents where you can do tea tastings. Oh, like couples, like elderly couples. Uh huh. And there's a man playing. And there's like one of those, what are those like Chinese instruments? Yeah. Where it's like, someone's playing that. Nice. Mm hmm. Yeah. Beautiful. This is a desperate position, as we said, because you failed.

And the desperate position is there are old people everywhere. They are not fast. They're in the way. And you got, and nobody here wants to hurt an old person. No. So you got to ride hard. So yeah, you rip out. And Fenton, the first thing you see is like a, like an old couple, like, oh, it's like a nice poo ear. Hello. I have to smell this one, darling. And you're just bearing down on these two old people. And then Fenton goes, get out of the fucking way, old people.

And he takes an egg that he grabbed from a nest from up top and he whips it at this old couple. So what role is this? Ignoring though, none of us want to hurt old people. Yeah. This is, so this is a desperate role. Okay. And I guess it's standard effect because if you hit an old person with an egg, Yeah. It's going to, it's going to affect them. Yeah. I just have one in prowess. So I'm just rolling one die. Could I actually, could I do a sway?

And like the goal with like throwing the egg and like playing the music is to just scare the shit out of these old people. Yeah. So they move quick out of the way. Sure. Okay. So you play something really rock. Yeah. Something from not their era. Yeah, totally. But on an instrument they adore so much. It's confusing. So confusing. I play Helena. By my alchemical romance. There's so much screaming in it. Yeah. All right. So you're rolling sway. It's desperate standard. Yes. Yeah. Okay.

Here we go. Fuck you old people. One, three, three. Oh no. Jesus. Oh my God. That's what you get for hating old people. Do I take stress? No, you only take stress if you want to resist the consequence. And the consequence is you see the old people go. And they don't move. They freeze. They scare all the other old people. Yeah. So all of the old people in this room start going. Okay. Can I try and break them out of their fear by taking a devil's bargain to roll an extra die? Yeah, totally.

So what is the devil's bargain here? What should it, what's the bad thing that could happen? We could, oh, we could kind of like gently run over. Not like run over, but like we kind of, we swipe. We maim, not kill. Yeah. Yeah. We maim. Gently maim an old couple. We maim a mammy. They fall over because like they get clipped, they fall over and then they call mall security. Yeah. Okay. So that's what it is. But they're slow to get to the phone call. Yeah.

But I am trying to like freak them out of their freeze, which is why. Yeah. I use my vampire teeth and I throw an egg at them. Na, na, na. Here we go. Six. All right. All right. So your egg sails through the air. Yeah. Just a beautiful spiraling arc of this egg. And it impacts with this old man that was frozen in front of you. Oh. And he tips out of the way. The egg hits the old man. And then from the stairwell that leads up to the petting zoo, you hear like. Oh my God. The rooster arrives.

Yeah. Oh, it's because we took an egg. Because I stole an egg. Yeah. So the rooster just explodes out of the stairwell. And starts chasing down this old man who knocks a bunch of other old people out of the way. Like dominoes. Yeah, exactly. Like Mahjong tiles. Clearing a path halfway through the festival. And now it just depends on how you get to this halfway point. So whose role is going to help direct this next part of the journey. So we're past the tea festival basically, right?

About halfway through. What if I start throwing down pool noodles to get the chicken or the rooster to like, slip on them? Yeah, totally. Yeah, I like it. Drip them up. Yeah. Cause he's definitely the biggest. You see the rooster like start nipping at kids as they ride by and they're like. The T-Rex. Chasing the T-Rex. Oh shit, yes. All right. So would that be wreck? Yeah, wreck sounds good. Okay. I like wreck. Let's get a couple sixes. So this is risky standard. Okay. Yeah. Six and one.

Six and one. All right. So sick. Shit, yeah. All right. All right. So that's going to get you a ride. Yeah. So that's going to get you a ride. Yeah. So arrive at Creamery is an eight step clock. So that is what we're trying to do this job is to arrive at Creamery. Sweet. Yeah. And you throw down a bunch of pool noodles and you see the rooster as it like sprints forward, ready to peck at a kid.

It's little claw gets stuck in the foam of the noodle and then it's like pulling this noodle around and it's like. Flip flopping like clown shoes. Exactly. That's hilarious. She's falling further and further behind. Uh huh. And an old lady goes, aren't you just the most darling little rooster? She reaches down and grabs it and starts petting it. We're like, oh, that was adorable size rooster. Now that we see it against an adult. Oh, okay. It was just a rooster.

And the convoy continues leaving the bounds of the festival and entering like this chambers just open food court area. Oh yeah. There's a bunch of like vendors, food vendors. Yeah. Part of the festival. Trying to attract people over from the festival, but it's all old folks. So it's kind of empty cause it's all, it's like spicy. There's one food cart. It's really popular. Which one is it? It is. The mayonnaise bar. Mayonnaise flights. Little cups of different kinds of mayonnaise.

What's like a main, Oh, you know, it's like a pasta salad cart. Yeah. Very heavy with mayonnaise. Oh yeah. Yeah. All the other people are trying to sell them lunch, but they were like, no, no, no, no. And they put dinner on it. So they're like, Oh, two o'clock time for dinner. Perfect.

So the line, the line from the pasta salad, uh, dinner cart is like, Oh, I'm going to get a little bit of a, a little bit of a, a little bit of a, a little bit of a, a little bit of a, a little bit of a, a little bit of a, a little bit of a, a little bit of a salad dinner cart is like moving across. There's so many old people like, Hmm, delicious. Uh, but you need to get through this line if you want to get to the other side of this room. Oh, we gotta break through this line.

Gotta break through. Of hungry old people. That makes sense cause old people never line up properly. Yeah. The lines all, it's like two lines at one point that merges back into one line. In the thirties we lined up like this. It's like a river. Like it's basically flowing old people moving from line to line. Yeah. They're all trying to read the menu. And then you're saying that people up there, the far side of people are back. We're the opposite. Yeah. So what do you guys do?

I guess it's my turn to jump off the bike and try and corral the line using command. Okay. What I'll do is take their order, take it into the cart so that they don't have to line up anymore. Yeah. Does that make sense? It makes sense. Whatever you tell them. Why is that so involved? Whatever you tell them is going to have great effect on them. Okay. So the bikes are, everyone's pedaling as fast as they can. And then Franklin's like, I'll be right back.

And then he jumps up and runs like, runs away from the kid. Runs ahead. Oh my God. He's faster than a bike. Okay. Oh, so I'm using command. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone tell me your, your order. Yeah. So I have a one in resolve and one in commands. I'll get two die. I got two and a two. Two and a two. Oh shit. Fucking balls. Okay. You get off the bike and run towards the line and just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just start yelling at the old people. Give me your order. Yeah. What do you want?

What do you want? And they're like, so many of them don't have the hearing aids in. Uh huh. They didn't think they were going to line up for dinner this late. And it's like, young man, don't yell at me. I'm just trying to get my pastor's salad. Who do you think you are? Excuse me. And they start walking away to go tell mall employees about you. This young man's harassing me. It worked.

They do clear the way a little bit, but they are spreading word that there is a, a, a, a, convoy of kids harassing old people. Yeah. Yeah. So everybody rips through this line and, uh, you have passed through this first section of the mall, relatively unscathed, just pissing off a bunch of old people. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree.

I agree. I agree. I agree. Who, as we know, will tell somebody else. Exactly. Facebook is just full of complaints now. That it is like, dear Facebook, how do I tell them all about people I don't like? Send. Pasta salad, send. Password. Password reset. Reset. And then it's just a picture of somebody's, like, nose. Okay, whose zone is next? It's the Burrito Canyon. Okay. What's up, everybody? It's your boy, Borbo, Borbom, Borblo.

And I'm trying to go on tour with my band, B4, the Burly Beach Bod Bros. And we've got some sponsors that we need to play to raise tour funds. Check them out. Do you have kids? Do you need to get away from them sometimes? Well, here's a tip. Here at the Babysitter's Club, we've got you covered. Whether you need kids watched, babysat, or cheeses grilled, the Babysitter's Club has only the best, most qualified babysitters available for all your babysitting needs.

And no matter what anybody says about us, we'll never go through your private files. And we would never, ever put your clothes on and do a little fashion show for our friends. Call Kessler and Rupps. I give you the give or give. And adventurers. Little do they know, a dark threat hangs over them. And the only two who can stop it are Vlinigan, a father looking for a new start, and Flitwick, a privileged DJ setting out to prove himself to his family. But they have a secret weapon.

You, the listener. Join the council and vote on important decisions. Create and name NPCs, form factions with other listeners, and even influence the hands of fate themselves. So don't wait. Visit NoQuestCast.com to claim your seat at our table. With the shopper who owns a white Audi suit of armor, please return to parking deck three. Your alarm is sounding. Well, I think all of that stuff sounds pretty sick, and I would buy it all now. Is that it? Have I fulfilled my contractual obligation?

Yeah, you can leave. Okay, great. Bye. Okay, bye. We're going on tour! So we're cutting through the Yesterland Amusement Park to Burrito Canyon. So sick. Because Burrito Canyon has like a giant, like, I imagine it is like… A canyon. Yeah, like, it's a downward slope all the way into Burrito Canyon. Yeah, it's very much western themed. Yeah. High, like, Arizona Red Rock. Totally. Uh, yeah. And you hear like, it's just cowboy time. Yeah, cool.

Alright, so you enter into Burrito Canyon, the high rocks on either side. It seems like it's kind of been cleared out. There's not a lot of people here, but you see figures on the edge of the canyons. Are they cowboys? They look like they might have cowboy hats. And bandanas over their faces. It's a trap! And then masks over their eyes. And they start pushing like an air conditioning unit to the edge of the canyon. It's barbecue! Tumble, tumble. And they start tumbling down the rocks.

And now you've got to avoid these air conditioning units that are being pushed into the canyon. Holy shit! They're so expensive. What do you do? Dude, these dads have nothing to lose. Their wives are so mean. And you hear a voice booming over the canyon. Alright, boys, we're rolling out in defense of America's greatest diners, driving… Oh, no! It's Guy Fierro! Oh, no! Okay, what can we do to… Do we have any nets? I have the… I have bubblegum nets to try and…

Okay, I'm gonna slingshot bubblegum nets to stop the… As they're tumbling. So hopefully my aim is good. Yeah. Are you using like a slingshot? Yeah, slingshot. I'll use the… So sick. Slingshot. I'll say that this would be… Because there are quite a few units that are being tumbled into Burrito Canyon, it's gonna be… Risky, of course, because you're taking a wild shot, but it's gonna be limited because you're not gonna be able to stop all of them. But you'll be able to stop a few.

One or two. And it's two in prowess and one in finesse. He's sitting… Facing backwards on the pegs and then he jumps up in the air because the kid's like, oh, no, air conditioners! And he jumps up in the air and lands on the crossbars. Oh, sick! And then holds out his two slingshots from his back pocket and then has bubblegum in his mouth and he like, boom, in the one and then stretches out the thing. That's awesome! Chewing the bubblegum, put it in the thing and stretches out. That's so sick!

He's firing it. He's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I feel like with that kind of a description, he can fire a lot of these kinds of things. I bet there's like cacti that are like just hanging out and then like some of the nets like catch onto them and stretch across the other cactus. Okay. Desperate standard. So you have to mark something off because you don't just have a million special weapon. Like it's got to be a gear thing. Okay, great. So yeah, one point of your gear has been used.

So that means that you have four choices left. Okay, great. Come on, come on. Six, five, two. Six, five, two. So that is an unmitigated success, not a crit. Yeah, yeah. And it is standard effect, which means you're going to get two ticks on the arrive at creamery, which means that you're at four out of eight. Oh, shit, yeah. Halfway there. Yeah, your bubblegum, fwang, fwang.

Hits a couple cacti, wooden cutouts of cacti and stretches across like catching an air conditioning unit, catching a mini fridge, catching like one of those. A cartoon coyote. A cartoon coyote. And you see one of the barbecue dads take his hat off and slam it on the ground and go, Dagnammit! They're really getting into the character. And you are able to sail through, but there's still a couple challenges. There's a couple things to dodge at the end of Burrito Canyon. And Guy Fugifiero. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Well, Guy Fugifiero's- A flame t-shirt on with a flamethrower. He's got his flame t-shirt on the other, or his flame button-down and his cargo shorts on the other side. A full three-piece flame suit. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, my God. What are the chaps? Flame chaps. He's got chaps with flames on it. He's all got chaps over cargo shorts. He's got- Then he's got- Then he's got- He's the stupidest I've ever imagined. He's got a flames cowboy hat.

He's got a flames cowboy hat, but the top's cut out, so you can still see his- His flames? Blonde frosted tips. And he's just re-frosted them so that they look like flames. Which is why you have to cut the hat off to not disturb the tip. And then he's got a flame button down with a flame vest over top of that. A fringe. A fringy vest underneath the arms. God, he looks awful. He's got a long cane and cowboy boots that are hot red.

But the shoe part of the cowboy boots is crocs with those little things of barbecue and meat stuck in them. Totally. Cowboy crocs. Cowboy crocs. Croc boy boots. Everything about this guy is so villainous. He's got the crocs in sport mode. Oh, fuck. Oh, maybe they weren't. Oh, he's got spurs. Wait, crocs don't have spurs, pretty much. He's out of them. And then underneath those, he's got the 3D printed croc nuts that you hang off the back of the crocs. Yeah. Did I get you a pair of those?

I liked when Franklin stopped them. He's like, and he kneels down slowly and puts his crocs into sport mode. Turns his cowboy hat backwards, which just looks like a forward-facing cowboy hat. Oh, my God. They push, like, a giant meat smoker in our way. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Yeah, one of them opens up a canister on the top, and he flips over a brisket, and he closes it, and the smoke floods Burrito Canyon. Oh, yeah. That's so good. Smoke's green. We can't see where we're going. You're here.

Daryl, don't fiddle with it. Just let it sit. It needs the grill marks. I'm trying to get a pillacle. But, yeah, now you're all flooded with this delicious hickory cherry wood smoke. And it's making us less, like, focused because our mouths are starting to water so much. Yeah. Yeah. My mouth is watering so much, it's making my eyes water. I'm definitely not crying because I'm scared. I think it's Clover's turn. Ooh. Uh, what were you thinking?

Well, I mean, yeah, but just, like, more if you're, like, leaning into her, like, mystical, like… Oh, my God, I do hear… Okay, yeah. So I've got the dark chocolate backpack on me, and I hear it whisper in my ear. Dark chocolate. Right, left, left, right. I'm yelling out the commands. Okay, roll it. This isn't a tune, I think. And you're eating this dark chocolate? I take a bite, yeah. I mean, this seems pretty desperate. Oh, no, no. Okay, I don't eat it. Okay. I just listen really well.

Okay, so it's risky, but, limited, because if you ate the dark chocolate, it would be more powerful. But I'm already, like, so fucked. Yeah, that's true. I need my wits about me. Okay. Four and a five. Okay, so mixed success. Okay. Deez. Uh, I will just, I will give you the, I said limited, so you'll get the limited, so you get one more check on the arrive at creamery clock. Okay. And, yeah, so, yeah, it starts whispering to you. Right, left, left, right.

It's, like, telling you directions, basically. Right, left, left, right. Yeah, and all the, all the wild nogs, like, dodge, and you hear, like, thump, as shit, like, lands next to you. I'm a little concerned. Yeah. Because she's, like, in a trance. Just left, right, right, left. Oh, yeah. She's, like, standing up in the cart. Oh, yeah. Her eyes are open? Her eyes are open, and, like, as the bike that she's on, you know, it's, like, weaving around, she just kind of, like, surfs with it. Oh, nice.

Oh, yeah. Sick. And that's what Guy Fierro sees as you burst out of the smoke on the other side, is this, what are you, are you still wearing your, like, goth clothes? No, I'm wearing my Panusian clothes. Oh, nice. Yeah, we're still in disguise. Yes. Uh-huh. So all these kids explode out of the smoke on the other side, and Guy Fierro goes, no! This isn't over, cool trade kids! And then Fenton, at the front, he goes, the name's Owen, Owen and Owen, my wife.

And you rip past him, and then you exit Burrito Canyon and explode out the other side of the Yesterland Amusement Park into… Oh, it's okay. So the next section of the mall that we go through, we're biking and biking and biking, it's a section we don't usually go through because it's where all the theaters are, so everything gets really dark, and, like, the streets have, like, fog on them. It kind of gets Victorian. Yeah, like gas lamps. Yeah, gas lamps. Yeah. It's cobblestone.

Yes, it's all cobblestones. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and it's, like, it's sort of got the kind of vibe of London during the Jack the Ripper era. Like Miss Sweeney Todd. Yeah, of course. Perfect. Yeah, so that's where we are, and we hear, like, the Guy Ritchie soundtrack because Fenton starts plucking it on the ukulele. Blung, blung, blung, blung. Oh, like the Sherlock Holmes? Yeah, the Sherlock Holmes. What's this place called? I like this. Skid Row. Yeah. Ooh. Perfect.

So, yeah, you enter Skid Row, and immediately all the bikes and wagons are, like, as you ride over cobblestone. Oh, shit. It's gonna kernel! Oh, no, this actually helps because it can't settle, right? Oh, nice. Yeah, this was part of the plan. Alain was like, we'll cut through Skid Row. Yeah. Because the constant agitation, the hogs can handle it. Yeah. The best cyclists in the mall. Don't worry, I got rock shocks. Fuck, yes. Shocks on, boys. So, what is the first obstacle of Skid Row?

The vampires? Straight up vampires. Oh. Because that's the thing, is, like, this is where the Caprice Theater would be. That's so true. Yeah. People throwing their shit into the streets. Oh. That's the first thing we have to deal with. Maybe we'll save the vampires for the end. Vampires would be, like, once we're through it a bit. The final thing. Yeah, so part of the attraction of Skid Row is that… There's a serial killer. Yes. Part of… At every, ah, ah, ah, oh, no, Jack the Ripper's is…

Yeah, it is kind of like that, because part of the attraction is that it is a recreation of, like, a previous time in history. So, at, like, the on-the-hour, every-hour, it's, like, oh, it's street lifetime, so people are, like, whipping stuff out their windows, and serial killers are coming out of alleys. And they're trying to talk to us and give us quests and shit. There's many people dressed up as horses, like two people pulling a handsome carriage. Yeah, so you… Clip-a-clop, clip-a-clop.

As you enter Skid Row, all the fog starts to roll on the ground, and you hear bong, bong. A guy saying bong. So ominous. And a Kevin? And a guy in a top hat and a cape comes out and goes, hello there, traveler! And he steps right in front of the caravan. What do you do? Because it's not… You rip past him, but you see people stepping out of every alley going, oh, there, I've got loads of bread too for Benny!

What if we get our candy canes out and we use it to, like, kind of hook around maneuver, like slingshot out? Yeah, like candy cane hooks? Very cool. Okay, so what is… Is that a group action? Sounds like a group action. I can lead the group action because I have the candy canes. Okay, you also have the least stress available. What do you mean? If you take one more stress, you're done. Okay, okay, so leading group actions will lead to stress. Yeah.

Maybe Fenton can lead us with these in the front. Yeah, I can lead the group action because I'm right in the front. Okay. And I turn around to everyone and I go, they're not real people, they're actors! Use them! Use them to maneuver! So what action are you guys using together? They're used to it. Use them to get ahead in your careers! They're used to it! Remember, they're props! Not people! Alright, so what action are you using? Because you all gotta use the same one, remember. Oh, what action?

I guess it would be some kind of prowess, right? 100%. Yeah, probably finesse. Yeah, finesse. So we're helping the wild nogs kind of maneuver around these guys by like hooking and like using our weight and like shoving them out of the way when we have to. Yeah, risky standard. Great. Here we go! Oh wait, no, only one. Here we go! Six, come on! Oh shit, let's do that. Six! Three. Four and one. Okay, so you only take one point of stress, but you got a six.

And I think I'm more successful than I would be in most situations because I'm allowing the vampiric energy that exists in this space and zone to run through me. Yeah. And I am scaring the shit out of these actors. Yeah, totally. So you take five! Forever! You roll right up on a guy with like a mustache that goes down into his sideburns like up and full. He's got a bowler hat and a tie and he's like on the mire of this here town. And I try and bite him on the neck.

He just gets these fake teeth stuck in his neck as his bicycle rolls. As you roll by the teeth come out of your mouth and stick on his neck. You're down to one pair.

But all the wild nogs that have been trained by the three of you in the use of your candy tools pull out their hooks and just start like swinging between actors in this beautiful ballet and you sail through Skid Row past a theater, past a place that makes meat, past a thing where a guy's hammering a nail on a horse that's two people in a costume. And you are almost all the way through Skid Row. You're close. But you've entered this area of Skid Row is dark. Darker than most.

The fog thickens in the alleyways. Figures move in the shadows. You hear bleh. Oh no! And you see somebody step into the road. A high caller. Statuesque. Proud. In countenance. Proud? That's not an actor. And as you get closer you see that it's the light playing on this figure as they become more hunched and small and they have big flappy bat ears and a big flat bat nose and then you see a hunched little vampire in a suit and he goes What are you doing in my potter's gear?

Oh this is my hunting ground. Oh right because the vampires in our world are slowly turning into bats. That's how vampires are. I am Count… What's this vampire's name? Count Granola. Baron Branola? Baron Granola. I am Baron Granola. Baron Granola Kellogg. I am Count Baron Kellogg. And he's just standing in the middle of the street with a this hands up his little bat claws that you can see are like beginning to turn into wings. Oh yeah.

He's got a couple more years until he's just a big bat but he's standing in the middle of the road going What do you do? What's something that vampires are allergic to? We actually don't know much about vampires in this world. Fenton thinks he knows everything about vampires. It's true. Yeah true. What have you written? What have you studied for your fan fictions? I mean there's sunlight obviously. There's sunlight, there's garlic. I think those are all true for vampires. What about a mirror?

Yeah and they're afraid of mirrors because they look so ugly. Guys flip the mirrors on your bikes. Yeah. That's a great idea. Okay so that sounds like something Clover is commanding people to do. That's right. Unless you can think of another, because you have a tune it could also be some sort of supernatural thing. I mean I've got like the power of the dark chocolate with me. Yeah. Coursing through. Yeah. How would this help you? The power of the dark chocolate? It like echoes my voice. Yeah.

So I'm like repeating what it says. Whoa you are a conjurer of cheap tricks. I am. Okay so this is risky standard. Yeah or risky great. Can we help? Yeah you could do set ups. Is it a group action or? It could be a group action. I mean we're all biking in a row. We could do a group action. It would be a tune though if you wanted it to be a group action. Would it take stress if we did? If you're leading the group action then you would take stress if you fail. So everybody could just roll a tune.

It gives you a greater chance. Of succeeding. And we could do like formation like a goose V. Exactly. Yeah. Geese fly together. Do the flying V just like in Mighty Ducks. We do it opposite. Clover at the bottom of the V all moving so he's surrounded by mirrors. Yeah. And stands for vampire. V does stand for vampire. Fuck that's good. Okay so everybody's rolling a tune. Six and a five. Four. Five. Okay so four and two. So I take one. You take one stress.

So as the V begins to form how is Clover commanding her legions of bike boys? She holds up one of the remaining pool noodles like a megaphone. And she says mirrors flip! Oh yeah and they all flip and the V forms and counts. I like that it catches maybe a sunlight from somewhere. Oh yeah. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Baron Kellogg covers his bat eyes and goes and then sees all the mirrors and goes I look so fucked up. No. Hideous. I can't believe I look so fucking gross.

He just kind of scuttles away into an alley. And you sail past him rumbling along the cobbles and then suddenly emerging to a mall. A modern day normal mall. Like almost shockingly There's a Sears. There's a Sears and a Lids. And a Tim Hortons. Two Tim Hortons. Yeah it's all the construction bros are here for dinner. Oh yeah totally. Farmer's rep. Farmer's rep. Farmer's rep. Farmer's rep. Farmer's rep. Double double. Double double double double.

And all we know that passing the construction bros at this time of day means that you are truly safe. The construction bros will not let anybody pass until they get their farmer's raps. Uh so you have arrived. Elan goes, we did it! Wild dogs! And they all go, yeah! Cool treat kids! Cool treat kids! Yes, cool treat kids! Oh no! He's seen a real vampire. He knows what they act like. I am fucking disgusting. I'm so gross now. Benton's like kind of crawling around in his basket.

Ha ha ha Look at me, I am this is what I am now. I am a monster. Ha ha ha. And uh, Ed you pull into the wild nog's secret creamery. Huge vats, pipes everywhere. Really Willy Wonka looking shit. Things going boop boop boop boop. Steam puffing out. And he skids to a halt. And all the wild nogs skid to a halt. And he snaps his fingers and says, unload it! And they start grabbing the terrains and throwing them in the shit.

The cream hardening, like it hardens when they pull it off and then they shake it and it becomes, it's like a non-Newtonian fluid. Totally, that's cool. Where if it's moving it's liquid but if it's solid if it's still Yeah. And it all thumps into their big stirring vats. Wow. And Elan approaches you three and goes, alright we did it. But we couldn't have done it without you. We couldn't have done it without you. You're right. That's a good thing to remember. Let's hug. Ha ha ha. We all hug.

Okay. And he kind of gives you all a like ginger pat on the back. We're like hugging like that but Fenton's just wrapped around us. I go in and I hug real tight. Cause I definitely do have a crush on this kid. Yeah totally. Are you smelling his lats? Alright, I'm just gonna. There we go. You're so good at stuff. Hey, thanks buddy. So. From here where should we be delivering the cream to you? You're 70%. We need to get it to Shitty Foods, right? The food court. Yeah.

We could just tell them to bring it to the food court. Just bring it to Doris. Yeah, bring it to Doris. Okay. On the sly, you know what I mean. Oh, I know what you mean. 80 foods. Pretend it's something shitty like thin milk or something. Yeah, like 1%. Yeah, pretend it's 1%. Yeah. Shitty milk. Water of milks. 1%. Skim, ew. This is what Fenton is saying. He's talking too much cause he's got a huge crush on this kid. That's the way you like skim cause you're really cool. Yeah. You're so ripped.

You need the protein for sure. You need full fat milk. Just like me. A growing boy. Who is so into you. Oh my god. Alright, well I think we're good to call it. We'll be in touch. And he gives you all a shake of the hand. And then turns around and starts shouting orders at all the wild nogs. Later that day, or early the next day, we cut to Shitty Foods and the first deliveries of the goat heavy cream start showing up.

And this is where we get like the Narcos scene of like all of the, like the production line. Big table, chopping up cocoa and chocolate. Fenton is in his underwear. Oh I love that. You've explicitly told me not to wear it. Why? I'm asking Fenton, why? He kept trying to sneak cream out in all his pockets so I told him to just wear his underwear. He's not sneaking any cream. Okay, yeah. I guess that's a good point. He's got cream in his armpits. Fenton. You gotta stop. I can't stop myself.

It's so good. Yeah, but we can get you different cream but if we don't save this cream, our mission's gonna fail. And Fenton goes, okay, fine. You gotta keep it together, man. Okay, and then he reaches into his underwear and he pulls a bunch of balloons full of cream out. Give those to me. Then I actually check his eyes. I was like, there's no way. I didn't want to say it. There's no way that it would. Holy shit. Franklin's just like, oh thank fucking Christ. Oh my god.

Um, Borbo's also helping us. Oh yeah. And I have to also tell him, hand over the cream. Hand it over. I just need one more shot of this. I just blasted my delts. I really need this protein. Come on. No. Come on. No. But, no. Okay. And he's just, he's got like goggles on and he's lifting vats to and fro. How does making this Pinot Noir chocolate look? Giant stone grinder. Yeah, we're using those big mortar and pestle to grind up all the dark chocolate. Yeah.

And then we're heating the goat milk, throwing in some sugar and the ground up powder of the dark chocolate. And mixing it together and they're like, they're doing the thing, like you smooth the chocolate on. Oh yeah, on the cold slab. Or whatever. We're throwing a streak of like cinnamon through it. Yeah, we're putting some cinnamon in there. Got some Himalayan rock salt. Yeah, we got someone grinding the rock salt on the ground there.

As you're mixing the chocolate, as you're adding the dark chocolate and mixing all the other ingredients, you start hearing voices. Just a little bit more. What? No. Add more. Of what? The dark chocolate. Do I listen? Make it stronger. I will give you powers that you wouldn't believe. I bend down like, what will you do for me? Knowledge. Of what? The unknown. People's darkest desires and deepest secrets. You would know all. The chocolate in the heart of all mortals.

The sweet, creamy center of creation. The dank corners of men's minds. So, am I gonna just know the dank knowledge? Or is everyone else gonna know it? Knowledge is power if only you hold it. You would know for sure. I can say that. You would totally know. I don't want others to know. You would be connected to all those who consume the dark chocolate. Okay. And I take over like, the chocolate rolling. She pushes Fenton out of the way.

We've been watching you this whole time talking like you're nobody to use the law. What the? And I push Fenton over. Cause I was tasked with turning it into turd-shaped chocolates. Right. And I grab like a bucket of like the powder and I start rolling the balls in the powder and setting them up like that. Yeah. In a trance kind of vibe? Yeah, I'm like working really fast. Yeah. Perfectly, perfect spheres. Yeah. I had a little twist to make it a turd looking thing. Oh my god.

Those look like the most perfect turds I've ever seen. Thank you. Just monotone. Yeah. Thank you. Yes. Are you okay? Yes. And later that day we see row upon row of perfect chocolate turd laid out as far as the eye can see. People start boxing them up. Putting them in little beautiful cute little bags for distribution from shitty foods. And Clover at the far end of this field of dark chocolate and her eyes glisten a deep rich brown. And that's where we're gonna end it.

I'm your Game Master Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always playing Fenton Beasley the Slide, Abdulaziz. So long. And Franklin Stein the Cutter Paul offers. Take care. Playing Clover Ivy for In the Whisper, Jessica Tai. Hi everyone. Thank you to Samuel Quinn Morris for our incredible intro and outro music. And thank you to all of our susporters out there for susporting the show. We wouldn't be able to do this without you.

And thank you to Duam Figueroa, creator of World of Blades, based on Blades in the Dark by John Harper. We'll see you next time. . . And so ends the tale of the cool treat kids. Always up to no good. So tiny and greedy and angsty they be. As they navigate crime and puberty. . . . And though our journey may belie a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. . Return next week to the chocolate store as the cool treat kids plan their next score. And for you I'll gladly spout ma. . . .

. . . . . . . . .

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound Their wares are famously tasty Here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets She has a corn dog addiction Benton's the slide, she sleeps in the sink And writes vampire fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends And listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome, everybody, to Spoutmore Mall Brats.

I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me is always-playing Fenn Beasley, the Sloth. And on the next slide, Abdul Aziz. Playing Franklin Stein, the Cutter, Paul Hoppers. Say it, don't spray it, buddy. Playing Clover, Ivy Fern, the Whisper, Jessica Tai. Hi, everyone. When last we left our heroes, the Cool Treat Kids hot off their victory in the abandoned chocolate factory returned to the alcove of Greg the Psychonaut to a glow-in-the-dark afterparty hosted by the kids of the mall.

Kind of had like your uncle, took you to glow-in-the-dark bowling for your birthday kind of vibe. Yeah, totally. We resolved all of our downtime activities. Entanglements involved a Corb Green halfling detective coming and questioning the kids. Oh, no, telling us the uppers have taken note of us. Right, yes. There was no questioning. No, no questioning. Corb Green halfling detective. The wine moms, no. They know that the Cool Treat Kids were involved. Man, we got sick informants everywhere.

I know. You've really- You've really ingratiated yourself to a lot of people that were initially very annoyed with you. It's quite like our Patreon. Thanks to all our subscribers. Thank you. All of you. A unanimous review. The Batman voice was a lot, but I got into it later. A lot of people support us who were quite annoyed for the first little while. Yeah, and then they- I think they got a little annoyed again with us and then it got better. Exactly.

Franklin Stein used one of his downtime activities to convince Corb Green to throw suspicion off of the Cool Treat Kids by spreading rumors that you were hiding out in the heavy petting zoo on top of- Grow up, guys. It's because all the animals are really big. They're huge. It's overgrown like crazy. I don't know why they put it on the roof. Big goats. Oh, huge goats. It's just really- It's small animals, but they're really overweight. Yeah. They're rolling hamster.

That's why they made them so chubby so that people- because people are like, I can't catch the animals. You're always running around. Like, I know. We'll make them really chubby so they just lie there. They can't get away. Clover and Fenton both took additional drama in the last job, so we resolved that. Clover has, to everybody's great dismay and terror, begun smoking club cigarettes. Oh, right. Yeah, I forgot about that. I am so worried about you. Fenton was like in tears.

He's like, no, Clover, no. And Franklin did all the kind of like after school, like, give me one of those. And Clover was like, no, you can't have it. And he's like, but you want to have it? I don't want you to turn into me. And then I started crying, and then you're like, I got to kick this habit. She literally smoked a tenth of one cigarette. There was a point in the episode where you were like, man, I picked a crazy day to stop smoking.

I think, and weren't they cigarettes, like, Clover's cigarettes I stole from Greg? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Which is not even mine. No. And good. It's good luck that you got his regular clove cigarettes and not his insane laced clove cigarettes. Greg is at least responsible enough to keep those locked up. Yeah. All of his super important stuff is locked up. Yeah. By locked up, he means in his front breast pocket. But Mushy's in there. Mushy's in the pocket too.

So Mushy guards the cigarettes. Oh, yeah. The DMT clove cigarettes. Fenton's new drama revealed itself in the form of, he thinks he's a vampire now. Classic traumatized second grader. Yeah. I put on a cloak and put in fake teeth and that's what I am now. Yes. And then he used one of his downtime activities to get information from the Cardinal. Yes. One of the leaders of the study group on actual vampire covens in the mall.

Learning about a kid gang who pretends to be vampires called the Blood Boys. And a real coven of vampires that the rest of the study group was like, do not tell him about this. Yes. Called the Sanguine Court. Live above the Caprice Theater. My new home. If I can find it. Help me out here. Clover. Oh, yeah. So I talked to Doris. Doris. And got her to like mess with the dark chocolate recipe that the wine moms have.

And to get us the original so that we could make, basically like devalue the dark chocolate by making something like turd truffles. Yeah. That we're gonna give away for free. Uh huh. Like Noodle Box did for noodles. Yeah. Yeah. How nobody likes noodles anymore. Yeah. Yeah. And then Franklin won over some more gang members. Right. Yes. Bigger gang clock. Yeah. He revealed that he had a beer that he wanted to share with his girlfriend, Mindy Cart.

And then it became a dance competition to see who got the beer. Mm hmm. And instead that became a sort of communion. Yeah. That all of the kids of the mall took part in. Yeah. Yeah. And pledging their future allegiance to the Cooltree kids, but also kind of to Franklin specifically. Ooh. Oh really? Yeah. A little bit. Wow. A drink of my blood. Exactly. Yeah. You transubstantiated a warm beer into your flesh and blood. Kind of regretting it now. Haven't been feeling right. Yeah.

The vibes of that party were like so peak, like middle school. Everyone is being bad for the first time. It's like, and then the next day at school, everyone's really quiet. Yes. Yeah. Right. Just being like, oh my God, the cops are gonna come for us because we drank a beer. It's like, we all know what we're all thinking. Every time the door to the classroom opens, all the kids jump. They think it's the fuzz.

And we ended things with Clover being delivered a recipe from Doris for something called Pinot Noir. Mm hmm. You have the official genuine recipe for Pinot Noir and Doris has altered the recipe that the wine moms have access to, to make it a shittier product. Mm hmm. And that is where we find the Cool Treat Kids now. It's morning. Yeah. Thunk. A recipe arrives in a tube next to Clover. I slyly open it in secret. It says Pinot Noir. Finally, the ultimate recipe. What's that? Nothing.

Well, actually, you already know. Wait, what? I'm sorry. We're all so jumpy. I'm sorry. I didn't see you there, Franklin. Sorry. So secretive. The Pinot Noir recipe. Ooh, it arrived. Smells like wine. Smells like my mom's sitting room. You can smell it from there? Yes. My senses are heightened now. Oh, my God. Because I am a vampire. And then he chugs the rest of the beer in my mouth. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I think I just had a beer that was laying around. Oh, no. That was not the beer. So warm and spitty. Yeah. All those kids put their mouths on it. It's an insubstantial sustenance to me, for I need the sanguine liquid of life. Why don't you just have a chocolate bar? I am having a chocolate bar. It's a chaser. And he takes a sip of beer, and then he bites into a caramel like it's a lime. And then it leaves little fangies. I know.

He's got little fang marks because he's wearing like the fangs. The chocolate bar is bleeding. You know? Oh, yes. Yeah. I have a question. Yeah. Are we doing downtime or are we doing like action? This is the job. The job. The last episode was downtime. So for my… I'm sorry. I have like COVID brain, I think. Yeah, that's okay. What is a job? What's the job? So the job… What's a job? No, like… It's not like… It's not like downtime where you have like two things.

So I don't have two things due today, right? I just have… No. You have the job to do. Yeah. You have the job to do. Yeah. You have the job to do. What we'll talk about is how you guys want to go about this. Because remember, it's like the engagement role stuff. So we'll decide, yeah, what you guys want to do. I think what we talked about last time was it'll primarily be about like distributing, like finding a way to flood the market. Yeah.

So the things that we potentially need to do are make the chocolate, give it to Doris for distribution, market it, and then deal with the fallout of like the wine moms are coming for us. Yeah. And then marketing it. I imagine us taking like our bikes or scooters and we're in like disguise. Yeah. I also imagining us coming up with a mascot that Borbo can dress up as. Oh yeah. A big turd. A big giant turd. We turn him into a Mr. Hankey character. It's supposed to be, and he tastes delicious. Yeah.

This big piece of shit. Get it from Shitty Foods. Yum, yum, yum. So the first one is make the chocolate, like find the facilities necessary. The facilities is just Greg's. Right. Yeah. We might have to build something. Or you might need to get, because we've hand waved a lot of like your materials in the past, but like this might require. I think we definitely need to get the ingredients. Maybe that's okay. So here's the situation.

You want to make the chocolate, but you don't have access to the things that you're used to having access to Clover specifically because she needs like a certain amount of shit to actually make candy. You do have your facilities and Clover's old workshop in the sugar shack. That is one option is go back and steal it. Knowing that it's under observation. Who's there. Who's watching it. Just the security. It's locked down. No, but it's Tina Durger. Tina Durger. She's got her best men on.

And probably more now because the wine moms know that it was us that like stole the dark chocolate. So they probably suspect that we're going to go back to the sugar shack. Potentially. Would Doris have what we need if we just went and used the shitty foods kitchen? I mean, maybe, but she just makes regular food. I mean, maybe, but she just makes regular food. I mean, maybe, but she just makes regular food. Are we actually making it taste like shit or like. I think we're making it good.

I think I thought the plan was to make it good and then give it away for free. Give it away for free to take away any semblance of like, this is a cool thing. That is the opposite of what I thought. Great. Cause we gave them a, a, the wrong recipe for a thing that would make it bad and gross. Right. We're going to make it good. We're making it good. I mean, yeah, I guess it depends. It depends on what you guys want to do. Like, cause if you want to. Set up a new place. That's more complicated.

Yeah. But you would have greater control probably over what the final product was. Okay. But if you just go to Doris's and use her kitchen, then you're going to be trying to use a. Not ideal. Substandard equipment. Yeah. Compromise. I think like, I'm thinking that right now time is like of the essence. Yeah. Right. Maybe we could use Doris's stuff as like, we just need to get it out there. Right. Right. And then we can just do anything.

Cause as we all know, the marketing is the most important part. Yeah. Yeah. The substance of the thing doesn't matter. Not at all. And if it's already going to be distributed through shitty foods, it's kind of perfect. We go there, we make some shitty chocolate, it gets distributed out of shitty foods and then we start marketing it. Shitty foods make sense, but I do think that, yeah, if you want to make it really good, there's a, there's a piece missing.

There's some sort of like the cocoa butter. Yeah. Yeah. The fat or something like that. Special milk. Yeah. Or like, yeah. Perfect sugar. Clover special sauce. Exactly. Yeah. Special sauce. Yeah. What about, uh, like, cause we need, we need like the fat to add to the dark chocolate. What if we go to like the eggnog, uh, brew. Oh my God. And we use the creme on the top of the dog that they usually just throw away. Yeah. Oh my God. Cause they don't even want that stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

They've got vats of it. Do you think they've forgiven us by now? Nope. Probably not. For sure not. So the, but so. Cut to them with a dart board and just arm fencing. Totally. Yeah. Cause the wild dog, the nog hogs hate you and the wild nogs, which is like the kid equivalent of the nog hogs. Really fucking hate you. Yeah. Cause you destroyed their factory. Yeah. Yeah. You destroyed their brewery. Clover's got a little like quill out or pen or whatever.

And she's on the planning board and she's drawing out like where we could find vats of cream. So she's writing like the nog hogs. She's writing like the nog hog. Uh. Distillery. Distillery. Where else would we find cream? Doris sometimes has cream if she's making Swedish meatballs. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. But probably not as nice as you need. Not as nice. Um, the. The heavy petting zoo. Oh. The goats. We have to go milk the big fat goats. Straight from the source. The heavy, heavy cream.

The fattest ghost giving up the fattest cream. We need the fattest titties in the mall to get to the big fat goat. Oh. Oh. Oh.

I give you the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the Okay, yeah, I'm on board too.

And you know who can help us get it is one half-elf who is good at infiltrating things. Adric fucking Swift. Smash cut to his room at the Spearmint B&B. Empty. Where do you think he went? Papers fluttering by the window. Exactly. Taylor Swift, gone. No. Piles of books. Shit. Is the Heavy Petting Zoo even like a scary place to go? It kind of is. Yeah, I think we talked about how they've been left alone up there for so long that it is. We're kind of doing the last episode, though, if we do that.

Yeah, that's the thing. We're doing other Jungle Crossing. Right. You know what I mean? With the same fellow. Yeah. Okay, so we don't need Adric Swift. So what would the obstacles to getting the goat cream be? Is it that you have to sneak through the mall? I think so. Yeah, I think we just have to sneak through the mall. We have to get up. We have to get up. So we'd have to take the stairs, probably, or the elevator. Okay. Okay. Greg, who has been…

Greg's been sleeping in his chair, which he's got a thing that folds out so he can lay down. So cool. You can hear his chair. I just imagine that the little handles on the back of his chair kind of spring up into bedposts. Totally. And then there's little curtains that close around. Oh, my God. Bed knobs and broomsticks. Yeah. Gadget style. So you hear it like… Clock. You hear it like, crank, crank, crank, rattle as he kind of rolls over, and his bed slowly transforms back into his chair.

And he goes… Sorry, kids. I couldn't help but overhearing because you're talking real loud. I heard it on the other end of the cosmos. Such a put-upon stepdad. This room here is probably 20 by 10, and you're really loud, so I couldn't help but overhear. Hey, who drew on my 3D magic eye? That was what we're using for. That was an eagle. Sorry. You can hardly see it now. So just to recap.

Just to be clear, your plan is to get the highest quality goat cream that you can from the heavy petting zoo. To make up for the fact that Doris's kitchen is not the ideal situation to make this chocolate in. Okay. So if we had to point out sort of everything that we're going to be thinking about over the next two to three episodes, we're now kind of in two segments. Yes. Steal the cream and make the chocolate. Yeah. Which is one complete thing. Yeah. And then market and sell the chocolate. Yes.

So we're doing two kind of halves instead of three chunks. Yes. I like that. All right. I just wanted to make sure that I knew what was going on as someone who is not going to be involved. Thanks, Greg. Thank you. No problem. He pats each of you on the shoulder. We'll say hi to Doris for you. Oh, that's fine. Put in a good word. If you want to. But if, I mean, if you do see her and he reaches in his coat and hands you an envelope, give her that. Can I read it? No. Okay. I'm good. I got it.

I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got to go look at a mushroom. And I'll, you know what? I'm going to tell her, you look especially handsome today, Greg. Oh, Clover. I got to go look at a mushroom. He rolls away to go look at a pipe. Also, just a reminder, Greg is more Brad Gooseberry. Right. I've more like this. A little bit more like that. More like this. Yes. I spent a lot of time with Corb yesterday. His, his mannerisms. I was trying to thing. All right.

I, if I'm going to spend this much time around Doris, I've been trying to make myself a little bit cooler, I guess. Why don't you just be yourself, Greg? Cause yourself is pretty awesome. I spend so much time trying to alter myself with the mushrooms and substances that I grow that I, I, sometimes I'm not sure who I am is who I need to be. You know? Oh yeah. I think we all feel that. Yeah.

But it's important to remember that you're, you're going to be always with the thing that you've been trying to be lately. So the most recent you. Uh, he's having a little trouble accepting this advice, especially from Fenton. Who's currently dressed like a vampire. As you can see recently, I'm dressed as a vampire. Making me a vampire. Fenton says that and then he smears a bunch of white makeup on his face. It's just the process of finding ourselves, you know, process of growing up.

Sometimes you just have to be a vampire for a few months. Franklin smacks a lit cigarette out of Corb's hand. I'm trying to quit. Exactly. You have to let me smoke them if I'm going to quit. I need to have the problem. Stressed. It's just my last one. Uh, okay, great. So let's talk about planning and engagement. Okay. As we all know, there are six different plans, each missing a detail you need to provide.

What you need to decide is what approach you will be using to, uh, get the cream, get the goat cream and transport it to Doris. The choices are assault, which is a do direct violence. To a cow. I guess. It's probably. Cow guarding goat. I am just imagining the cool tree kids being like, okay, there's only one way to get to the heavy petting zoo. You're just running through the mall. I mean, who knows what we will, what we shall find in the goat zone. Uh, the next one is deception.

Lure, trick or manipulate. I like that. Yeah. Okay. Stealth. Trespass unseen. Oh, I like that more. That makes the most sense. Honestly. Occult. Engage a supernatural power. I mean, if we're going near the vampires. Mm hmm. Oh. Uh, social negotiate, bargain or persuade. That could also apply to the vampires. So could apply to the vampires. Transport, carry cargo or people through danger. That also is very applicable because we have to get it back to. We also need a lot of goat boobs. Yeah.

We kind of. So, you know how the, the. Need more than one goat. How much milk does a goat produce? Aren't these huge goats? The other, the other question is how much butter can we get from milk? We need a lot. We need a lot of milk to make a little bit of butter. What if because these goats are so fat, it's just like really thick cream. Cream like cream. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it comes out as butter. You squeeze it out. Oh, jeez. Butter goats.

I mean, I think what we're looking, cause we're looking at pretty chunky goats, but we're also looking at pretty like large goats too, right? That's what we're talking about. Cause they're big, but they're also big. Think this because we're like they're heavy. So they've full of heavy cream. Yeah, totally. That works. Who knows what we'll find. This is the rumors that we're putting rumors together using kid logic. So this could be anything. What do we get up there? That's a really good point.

But here's what Fenton is telling you is we need a way to get it out of the, um, the, the heavy petting zoo and the nog hogs have those giant tureens on the back of their bikes. So if we stole three of their bikes, took it up to the roof. Yep. And then we took the tureens, brought it back down from the roof somehow. Uh, we can ride bikes downstairs, right? We can build a giant ramp. You can also talk to the nog hogs. Yeah. Like you could try and smooth things over. What?

They're immortal enemies. Okay. But maybe they've had a change of heart. Kind of like we've had a change of heart. It's true. Okay. Let's try to talk to them. Okay. We'll use our words. Franklin said, yeah, we'll use our words. And then you see him with a Sharpie writing words. Yeah.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, We're going for the wild nogs.

The nog hogs are the adults that make eggnog. Okay. We're going to go sneakily get to the wild nogs and have a conversation where hopefully they don't kill us. Yes. And then we're all going to go to the heavy petting zoo together. Yes. Oh, what if like they get a cut? We give them some of our cream. And that's a way they can make good with the nog hogs after fucking up so bad. Totally. In a completely unrelated incident that we had nothing to do with. So we're going in with a parlay. Yes. Yeah.

It sounds like a social. Yeah. Okay. Let's do it. Social. So detail the social connection. So who is your connection? Seamus. Oh, Seamus. Yeah. Because people respect him. He's cool. Yeah. He was missing from the party. Yes, he was. Yeah. He wasn't there. Oh, right. Yeah. Because when everyone was slow dancing at the end of the night, you came and sat by me instead of slow dancing with him. Mm-hmm. So can I make a phone call to Seamus? Through the pipes? Yeah. Through the pipes? Yeah.

Because that's how it happens, hey? Yeah. It's like a canned telephone. Okay. God, I sound hot. Seamus. Yeah, we are like, ooh. We're blowing air at you so your hair blows. Thanks, guys. It counts. It counts. Seamus. Seamus. It's me, Clover. Hi, Clover. Sorry I was in the bathroom. Oh. Sorry I didn't- I didn't interrupt you. Fuck, why did I tell her that? Fuck. I mean, I was doing push-ups. That makes sense. I know you do those every morning. I do. In the bathroom.

Seamus, why weren't you at the party last night? Oh, I just had- I had a stomach ache. That's why I was in the bathroom. Oh. Since the party? Yeah, yeah. I've just, you know, I ate some bad- we got a shipment of jerky and I had to test it out and I haven't been feeling so well. But I'm feeling all right. I'm better now. Can you do us a favor, Seamus? Oh, I don't know, Clover. Are you- is it because you're stuck in the bathroom? Yeah, I've really got the squirts today. That's pretty gross.

I shouldn't have said- I mean, I really- my arms are tired from my push-ups. And then Fenton covers the phone and he's like, Hey, does it seem like- do you guys like Seamus is lying and hiding something? Okay, that's what I thought, but I wasn't sure. Who would own up to the squirts so readily to a girl they like? Yeah. Seamus? Yeah? Are you lying to me? No. No. No. How do I know this? Can I roll for it? Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah. What are you rolling? Like, study?

Study would- yeah, study would totally work. Five. Five. Okay, so that is a mixed success. Uh-huh. You get from his tone that he is not telling you something, but he doesn't offer what? Seamus, if you don't tell me- I'm gonna break up with you. Yeah, and I'm gonna suck you dry. Fenton, that's a fucked up thing to say. Holy shit. I'm just- I- alright, I had insane diarrhea yesterday, okay? Bullshit. He's clearly not telling you something, but he's trying to, uh, like, smooth it over.

How do I find out? He- that's- so that's- that's the mixed success here is he's- you know that he is lying to you. He's lying to you, but he's not telling you what it is, and he's continuing to lie to you. And Fenton whispered, he's like, hey, we can ask the Upper Stone Twins. That's a good idea. We can- we can go to them on the way and just, like, ask them if they've heard anything weird about Seamus. So I'm gonna pretend like I believe Seamus. Okay.

Oh, that's too bad that you had diarrhea last night. I totally understand why you missed the party then, and I'm definitely not gonna think about it. Okay, good. I will- I will- I will- Just tell everyone in the mall that you have really bad diarrhea so that nobody bothers you today. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that sounds great. Just let them know. I'm not feeling so good. But- but I mean, what did you need? Did you need my help with something? Yeah, I do.

I just- you know, we- we want to have a little talk with the Wild Nogs, and, uh, last time we saw them, it didn't end very well between us. Mm-hmm. Mostly their fault. Yeah, definitely their fault, which made me don't mention that part. But just so that you know, it was their fault. Quick flashback to a cutscene of us pissing all over their bike. Yeah. Getting beaten up. Pushing over all their terrains and shit. So anyway, like, they- they wronged us, Seamus. Mm-hmm. Um, but we've forgiven them.

And we're wondering- and we're just wondering, like, I know you are kind of, like, on- on- you guys are on good terms, better terms than we are. Do you think you could call them up and say, hey, the Cool Treat kids, they want to have a little meeting? Yeah, we have something we want to- we want to- Offer them. Yeah. We have a deal for them. Yeah. Something that can get them back in the good graces of the knock-hugs.

All right, I'll, uh, I'll see what I can do, and I'll send you a message, uh, as soon as I've got a date set. Not a date, like, as soon as possible. Ooh! And then, frankly, he does the finger-crossing thing. Ooh! Ooh! When Fent- when you do the finger-crossing thing, Fenton goes- I'm sorry. Yeah. The lamest possible van. The lamest possible van. We gotta be really careful with that movement now. My God, I'm sorry. It's a reaction. No, it's okay. This kid. It's too much sometimes.

It's just regular water. Cut to brushing his teeth. I can't brush my teeth. It's holy water. It's just a mirror, Fenton. You can see yourself. I can't see. I just see a toothbrush. Not brushing teeth. I just meant, I can't see myself at all. And then wiping something off his eye. At all. There's been a change of leadership in the Wild Nogs. They're led by a really cool kid named Alan. So I'll try and contact Alan and see if they are interested in meeting with you. It's pronounced Alan, actually.

Alan. His last name's Tim. Alan Tim. Alan Tim. Yeah, we'll talk to him and I'll get back to you soon. Now I have to go have more diarrhea. I believe you. Good, because it's the truth. Yeah. I have no reason to question. That. Okay, gonna go poop now. Okay. Clunk. What a normal conversation that was. I'm gonna find out what he's hiding from me. One second, I just have to write in my diary. So Clover does that. She spends five furious minutes scribbling in her diary.

She keeps punching through the page. Her pencil is writing so hard. Let's get a couple seconds of what she's writing. Dear diary. Dear diary. Dear diary. Dear diary. Dear diary. Dear diary. Dear diary. Dear diary. I am so mad, because I know Seamus is lying to me. He said I have diarrhea. I know he didn't have diarrhea. Seamus never has diarrhea. He has a way better immune system and gut health than I do. I am the one with IBS, because I eat too much fiber.

I am the one with IBS, because I eat too much fiber. Seamus, if I find out what you were hiding from me, and if that thing that you're hiding from me is a girl, I am going to break up with you and also punch you in the face. I am so mad. And I underline it. And then cut to three minutes later when the anger has just turned into absolute sorrow. What does he see in that girl? What does she have that I don't have? I look so good, especially when I wear my blonde wig.

That's what Fenton and Franklin say. And I've been working on myself, dear diary. And I'm a real woman now. Like, there's no one cooler than me. And three minutes later when she's kind of hopeful about the future. You know, maybe this is just a rough patch. And Seamus and I have gone through way worse stuff. You know, there's been a lot of things that I've been working on. And really, the most important thing is I treat myself well and I follow my instincts. Back to rage.

And what my instinct is, is I know that she is a lie to me. I will get my revenge! Cut to outside this room where we're waiting. How long do you think? I don't know. She said she was having her period right now, so this could be forever. And then Seamus' voice comes through the pipe. Yeah. They've agreed to meet. Alain has agreed to meet with you at 2 p.m. 2 p.m. All right. Wait, no. Sorry, he just said he's got volleyball practice. He has to push it back to 4.30 p.m. 4.30. Okay, that's fine.

Tell him we'll meet him. At the volleyball court. At the volleyball court. At the volleyball. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. After practice. All right. Good. Good idea. He'll be sweaty and tired and ready to be manipulated. Yeah. So glistening. Okay. Should I be there to mediate the meeting?

What do you think, boys? I think it would be good to have a little bit of muscle on our side. All right. Because if this guy's playing volleyball, he's going to be in tight shorts. And we can't handle that. You know, that business is going to be too much for us. All right. Seamus, we'll see you there then. All right. I'll see you there at 4.30 p.m. At the volleyball courts. All right. I'll bring you some electrolytes. Thank you. I need them to replenish after all my diarrhea. Mm-hmm. You said.

Okay. Bye. Bye. Saying diarrhea so much has kind of lost all meaning. I know. Which is crazy because, like, you have diarrhea every morning. I know. I'm so intimately familiar with it. And despite that, there was so much diarrhea talking in that conversation. That word kind of, like, doesn't even mean anything anymore to me. He's on the toilet, as he says. Dear diarrhea. I give you the pill. I give you the pill. I give you the pill. I give you the pill. I give you the pill. I give you the pill.

I give you the pill. I give you the pill.

Hey there fenty fenty beasley here uh a guy gave me six spare bucks to break into the pa system for the mall and play this bottle full ads for you so get ready here it comes aroma aroma flavors flavors style style plates plates tired of the same old breakfast breakfast come on down come to designer breakfast for designer women you see you there in the esterland food court hey everyone this is ken and adam from the lured up podcast if you're a fan of gaming and geek culture we've got something for you to check out our show lured up dives deep into the world of pokemon go offering critical gameplay coverage plus exclusive insights straight from niantic we bring the community together on our weekly podcast live streams in our discord and of course out there on the game board irl our goal is to create positive content that has its finger on the pulse of the pokemon go fandom if it's happening in pokemon go it's happening on lured up subscribe now at lured up.com and listen while you play all right that was all the ads that were in the bottle I think unless I fucked it up somehow nothing played anyway he gave me six beer bucks so jokes on that loser bye you!

Okay so are you guys just meeting him at the volleyball court so you said you wanted to talk to the hubbirstone twins potentially oh shit yeah should we stop at the arcade to talk to the hubbirstone twins good idea mm-hmm franklin got geared up too just in case shit goes south okay so is that is that you choosing your load out for this yeah I'm choosing my load I'll choose a heavy heavy one heavy okay so that means that when people see you they're gonna be like what's he doing there's a lot of stuff on that kid's back okay so you got like a backpack and like a bunch of weapons and stuff yeah okay of candy.

Tactical boots. Yeah. Can we put the dark chocolate in it? Because I don't trust leaving this anywhere else. Oh yeah, no, this is always with us. And I took a little bit of it and smeared it under my eyes. Like, that's like a thousand dollars worth of dark chocolate. Why don't you just use the leftover chocolate from the wrappers? I don't know, it's not as dark. Look, it doesn't look so menacing. We look at him and it's just like It's eating us. The air is just quivering. It is menacing.

The chocolate's so dark, it's like absorbing light. It's like Vantablack chocolate. Yeah, every time we open it, we hear like Yeah. We keep the bag sit shut because it's too dark. It's like the orcs chanting in Lord of the Rings. Totally, yeah. Because I mean, yeah, it was dark. It seemed maybe one way in the candy factory because you were so engrossed in that environment, but it was one, crusted around that tube forever, and two, soaking in magic. Right, yeah. Forever.

Also, this is what little kids think of actual dark chocolate. It's just horrid. Yeah. Dark chocolate. Okay, great. So how are you getting to the chocolate factory? We haven't rolled engagement yet, so we're just kind of fucking around right now, but like, you guys are wanted. I think we have to stealth. Yeah. Can disguises maybe? Yeah. Okay, so I have a heavy load so we can disguise ourselves as campers. Oh. No? That's Penusians. Yeah. Oh, Penusians. Campers. Okay. A.K.A. On Walkabout.

So we put on a lot of Borbo's clothes. Yeah. Because he's got like that sort of Penusian vibe. Totally, yeah. Lots of like tatters and mesh half shirts. Yeah. Crop tops. Yeah. A lot of those kinds of like tank tops that is like, it's just made out of like string. It's like… It goes so low. It loops so low. It's basically just like a belt with two straps over it. Totally. Yeah. Regrettable stick and poke tattoos from Fireside like late nights. Totally. So we like Sharpie.

So we have like fake stick and pokes on. I've put my hair in treads. How'd you do that? It's a lot of like mayonnaise and shit just in your hair. There's so much yogurt face. Thick nerds. Greg is looking through his fridge like, where'd all my mayonnaise go? I'm trying to make a ham sandwich. I just bought more mayonnaise. I know it. I had so much. I was so excited about my mayonnaise.

You see Fenton in the background both smearing it on his face to make himself look more like a vampire and in his hair to give himself dread. Oh, I was so excited about my mayonnaise. It's gonna make my ham sandwich so slick and delicious. I must have bought it in a different plane. And then Fenton tries to leave the room but his hand keeps slipping on the doorknob because he's too mayoed up. He's too mayoed. Alright, so you guys are walking through the mall as… Panusian campers. Yeah.

And you leave the tunnels. Clover, the first time it feels like in forever you're getting sunlight through the skylights. It almost stings. Yeah, me too. That's why I'm wearing these sunglasses. Yeah. I've got my sunglasses on too but they're the ones that have the shades. Shutter shade. Franklin's not wearing sunglasses but he has a spray tan and he puts sunglasses on to put the spray tan on so he has anti-sunglasses on. Reverse glasses. Yeah. Looks like such a cool surfer, dude.

Yeah, well I've been in the sun for a long time, mate. You sound so cool. You guys all gotta try and do an Australian accent. I'll go an Australian accent as well. Alright, you shouldn't talk that much, I think. I won't talk at all. Just me and Gringo over here. Gringo. Grangles. Gringles. Grangles. Grangles Fetch and Lucy McGee. Lucy. L-O-O-S-E-Y. I imagine you guys are walking through like just talking to everybody you see like, hello, we're normal Panasians. We're here on a work visa.

We're trying to get our walkabouts in between before we turn 35. We heard there's great snowboarding here and we work at every coffee. We shop in town. This is my foster's brother. What? We all worked in the same brewery as young boys making foster's beer. Allow me to be effortlessly charming in front of your hot girlfriend. This happened to Abdul. I will steal your wife. There are a lot of Australians in Western Canada. To all of our Australian listeners, we love you so much. We are sorry.

The most intense bros from your country come to Canada to work on the West Coast. And steal our girlfriends. So what? You chucked it in the dumper. Nobody cares, bro. Anyway, so that's how we get through the mall. Yeah, so are we doing a group action? Because that's the only way that we're getting through. Yeah, we're going to do a group action. Group action. Great. So we know how group actions work. Of course. Might as well say something to remind us. Everybody rolls the same action. Okay.

So if you're rolling consort, everybody's rolling consort. So if I have one in resolve and one consort, I roll two? Two dice, yeah. And if you fail, then the leader of the group action takes one stress. Okay. Which I assume is Fenton. Yes. And I have no stress because of my drama. Yeah. I got a three and a one. I got a six and two ones. I got a six. Crit! That is a crit. Jessica, did you fail? Do I need to take stress? I got a three and a one. So yes. You need to take one stress at least.

And that makes sense. So for some reason, Clover's Panusian accent is not quite cutting the mustard. What? You're not from Panusia. You're from New Pagisland. New Pagisland. Totally. That's where I'm from. Yeah, you run into a Panusian kid on the way who's like, no way. I can't believe it's my fucking countryman. How the hell are you? Oh, great. It's so good to see you. My name is Erwin. My name is Erwin. Oh, nice to meet you, Erwin. Oh, no way. I'm Erwin too. No way. Nice to meet you, Erwin.

I'm Erwina. Erwina? Erwina's my sister's name. My mother's name's Erwina. Her sister's name's Erwina. Nice to meet you. I can't quite place your accent, Erwina. I've been all over. I've been all over the world. It's so Irish now. I was born in New Panusia. New Panusia? Yes. From the colonies? Yes. Wow. Yeah. And then I moved all over the principalities. And Fenton and Franklin are glaring at me. Do a better job. I don't know what they sound like. I give you the give or give.

I give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give where we talk about the fact that, you know, us Panusians, we love information, so we travel around the world discovering things and we pass them back to the elders in Panusia.

Yeah. We all know that, right? Yeah. That's why they need all the information and all the girlfriends. And all the best snowboarding spots. Yeah. That's where information travels in this world. Yep. Snowboarding to snowboarding. All right. Well, I mean, I'd love to meet up with you for some food. What are you doing right now? I mean, we're pretty busy. We've got a bus to catch. And then I lean into Erwin and I'm like, and Erwina has her red tide visiting.

How many times are you going to mention periods in this? She said she was on a period when we started. So we are finding a couple. It's a comfortable place for her to drown the red snake, if you will. Wow. I think I understand what you're saying. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. All right. Well, I won't keep you. Thank you. It's been a pleasure. You sure got funny accents in new Panusia.

And as we always say in great leaving each other in Panusia, Franklin's like, why am I, why, why am I doing it? Why am I introducing a thing? Wait, wait. Yeah. And as we always say to each other, we always say at the same time, right, everybody, we always say when we leave a friend that you haven't met before. Is this a new Panusian thing? I'm not familiar. Oh, no. We always say it, right? Say it. Erwin. A kiss a day keeps the doctor away. All right. A kiss a day keeps the doctor away.

And he leans forward and he gives each a kiss on the cheek. Mwah, mwah, and mwah. All right. Well, this was grand. Yes. Sit. That's better. Okay. Bye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Great to meet a fellow Panusian kid. You can stop talking. I will never talk again. And you brought down the whole operation. I'm so sorry. You did pretty good. And you, uh, you make it through the rest of the mall, uh, blissfully unaccosted. We start, we stop strutting and talking to so many people.

We just start like shuffling with our heads. Walking really fast. My mouth hurts from talking like that. For all of the things that Clover is so good at. She's so fucking bad at accents. Yeah. I love it. Uh, okay. You guys make it to the Hoverstone twins arcade. Okay. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. There's kids playing, uh, skee ball and darts and ring toss. Yeah. Wacken elf. There's actually a new machine that a bunch of kids are gathered around.

That's got like two kids and it has a joystick and buttons. And they're like really hammering on. They're like hammering on the joystick and buttons. Oh. And if you look, it's like a big cabinet and inside the cabinet is two elves. Elves. Punching the shit out of each other. Jeez. Going like, Hadouken, Hadouken. Wow. Rock'em Sock'em Elves. Yeah. But it's just fake, right? I don't want the elves to be hurt. It's very much like stage combat. Cool. Yeah. They're like, uh, uh, uh.

When they get hit, they like really exaggeratedly fall back. My wife's name's Susan. And the Hoverstone twins are off to the side watching. The Hoverstone twins are in the, are behind. Yeah. That's where the, um, the prizes are. Oh, behind the counter. Yeah. They're working behind the counter and people give them too much money and they'll give them like a tiny little prize. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, hi. Hello. Hi there. I have come to you requesting some information. Oh my God.

It's the, it's you three. Oh yeah. Sorry. I know. That is a very impressive disguise. Yeah. That's a very impressive disguise. Thank you. Yeah. We worked pretty hard on it actually. It's just Borbo's clothes. It's very impressive. If you hadn't spoken, I wouldn't have known that it was you. And then Fenton leans into like the girl one and he's like, hello there, Les. It'd be nice to, if you and I were going to go have a little jump on a trampoline later or something. Whoa. Hmm. Fenton.

She kind of looks down her nose at you. Most impressive. So what is it you require from us, the Hoverstone twins? Well, I'm a little bit more of a, I'm a little bit more of a, I'm a little bit more of a, I'm a little bit more of a, I'm a little bit more of a, I'm a little bit more of a, I'm a little bit more a, I need your help about Seamus. He wasn't at the party the other night. No, he was not. No, he wasn't. And then when I talked to him on the phone today, he blamed it on diarrhea.

Have you heard that he has diarrhea? I have heard such things. We as a unit have heard that he had the Rhea, but it's just a little suspicious, you know, like for one, he doesn't really ever get diarrhea and no one has diarrhea for like 16 hours straight for sure. Especially not a hot meat boy. No. Stomachs are ironclad. Truly, a good stomach is a requirement to even join the gang. So I know he's lying to me. He's keeping something from me. What do you offer in exchange for this information?

Oh, shit, what do we offer? Um, a candy weapon? That's not a bad idea. I'll show you the bounciest trampoline, lad. Wink, I wink. He winks. Try it. Just to be clear, you are nine years old, right? On whatever age gets me, I will ask the accent. All right, I think I'm done dealing with this one. Okay. All right, so you do not want the date. Okay, we'll come up with something else. What do we have? We ain't got a big load here. Got a big load. You can have a piece of my big load.

You name it, it's yours. All right, so we open the huge backpack full of our candy weapons. Transpowder. What if we get my tiny piece of dark chocolate? This is worth… Do they care much about dark chocolate? It's worth a lot of money. I didn't need to whisper that. So we close up the weapons bag, and then we open up the dark chocolate bag. And you hear… You smell that? Yes. What is that enchanting aroma? This is the elusive dark chocolate that the wine mums have been after. Shh. Shh.

Keep it on the down low. It's okay. It's impossible to hear anything in this place. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. To a wine, and it's just like… It actually makes it the perfect place to meet, because you can't hear anything. Sorry, what? This is the dark chocolate. Okay, all right. All right. All right. Cut us off. Peace. All right, so I cut them off, just like a little nugget. Mm-hmm. Oh. There you go.

And one of the Hoverstone twins takes out a pinchers, like a tweezers, and picks it up, and the other Hoverstone twin puts a jeweler's loop up to her eye and holds it in front and goes, this is perhaps the dankest chocolate I have ever laid mine eyes upon. Very well. So, during the time of the party, our informants have told us that Seamus's whereabouts are unaccounted for. What? Even you don't know? Even we do not know where he was at this time.

What we do know is that when Seamus disappeared, he was not in the accompaniment of any other children. Wait, like, was he seen with an adult? He was. Which adult? It may have been a member of security, but we can't be sure. What? Are you serious? Are you serious? This is worse than if he has another girlfriend. That's all we know. That is all we can offer you at this time, but we will gain more information. Yes, please do.

And in exchange for this dankest of dark chocolate, we will provide you with anything that we find. Okay. We appreciate that. Do not eat that. I don't think that I could if I would. Also, I'm a vampire now. Just spread that around. They turn away and go back to their business. I feel like you should just let people know that I'm a vampire because it's unsafe for people to be around me sometimes. We have to grab. Fenton by the collar. I can't be in the satellite too long or else I get burned.

I do hunger for your blood and I will drain you. I'll suck you dry if you don't. Fenton, you got to stop telling people you're going to suck them dry. It kind of has a different meaning when you're a little older. It didn't work before you were a vampire and it doesn't work now. People do not like hearing that. I'm going to make you so dry, dude. Okay. Then now you've got that information. Seamus was seen in the accompaniment of somebody that was potentially from mall security. Holy shit.

But that his whereabouts were unaccounted. What if he's working for them? What if they're holding him hostage? There's no way. No way Seamus would break. He's the toughest, strongest, hottest kid I've ever met. Well, you're about to go meet him. So can't wait to feast my eyes on that little buff boy. What is going on? I can't wait to sink my teeth into talking to that guy. I think Fenton's aware. The vampires are supposed to be kind of sexual. Right. All the fan fiction that he used to write.

Oh no, we've gotten to that part of the vampires. Oh God. It's just like the awkward kid sex ideas. Twilight and Anne Rice. Oh God. Okay. So we're doing a social thing. We know the social connection is Seamus. Seamus has set this meet up for you. Now it's time to everybody decide their loadouts. We know that Franklin has taken a heavy loadout. Light. Light. Medium. Medium. Medium. Okay. So yeah, Fenton is light and maneuverable. Clover is definitely like, people are like, she's working, I guess.

She's got like bags and stuff. I look like I'm going on a substantial hike. Yeah, exactly. And Franklin looks like he is the hike. Like he is loaded to bear. Can't even see his face. Yeah. There's so much stuff piled up. He's like got goggles, like a bike helmet. I look like a transformer. Packing everything into these robots. Like this is going to like, cool. Cool. Perfect. So you arrive at the volleyball courts and we've never seen the volleyball courts before.

So what are we talking about when we say volleyball courts? Like full sand has been brought into the mall. It's on the edge of the giant wading pool. Oh, we're going back to crystal pool. It's in the crystal pool. Yeah. And it's like, there's a huge wave pool that like it. Laps at its shores. Laps at its shores. It's got like a natural sandy beach. Oh, that's part of volleyball. Because once in a while, rogue wave comes and takes out your back line. Oh yeah. Smart.

And if I remember correctly, you kids were banned from the crystal pool. Yeah. But we're waiting outside. Yeah. Oh, I see. Also, we're not the cool treat kids. Oh. We're Erwin, Erwin, and Erwina. Right. They can't tell who we are. So, well, yeah. So you get to the ticket booth and there's like a guy in like an enclosed desk area and you see all these drawings behind him that is like banned for life. And there's like pictures of us. Yeah. There's pictures of you three.

And then there's pictures of Greg is up there. Borbo's up there for sure. But then crossed out. And then a new picture of Borbo right next to it. And a handful of other kids that you recognize. That's from an incident where Borbo got so mad he leapt over the counter, grabbed his picture and ran away. And the guy like leans forward. He has a name tag that says Keith. Hello. G'day, mate. Hmm. Three tickets, I suppose. Yeah. Do you take Penusian? No, only Spearbucks. Oh.

And he's really squinting hard. I'm sure. I think I have some of your local currency right here. You kids look familiar. Hmm. Can I roll a sway to get him to like not think that we're. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Sorry. I should roll it back. Because if we're trying to. If part of the job is getting into the crystal pool to do this meet, we should be doing the engagement roll. Okay. You start with one die for sheer luck. And then we modify it based on these questions.

Is this operation particularly bold or daring? Bold. Is it? There's a picture of us behind his head. Yeah, we are. Right. Definitely banned. Okay. Yep. So you get a plus one for that. Does this plan's detail expose a vulnerability of the target or hit them where they're weakest? No. No. Is the target. Because this engagement is actually against the. The hog nogs, right? Yeah. Or the wild nogs to get them on our side so we can use their bikes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I think how I'm envisioning it is like getting to the heavy petting zoo and getting the milk is like not the problem. Okay. Like you basically just need these guys on your side and then we can kind of play out the you going to get the cream and stuff. But it's not like putting on your pith hat and diving into the jungle to get this milk. Right. Is the target strongest against this approach or do they have particular defenses or special preparations? Nope. Nope.

Can any of your friends or contacts provide aid or insight for this operation? Oh, yeah. Seamus is helping us. Okay. Plus one. Are there any enemies or rivals interfering in this operation? Crystal pool trying to keep us out of administration. And also the wine moms are actively looking for us. Right. So take one away for that. Back to two. So we're rolling two dice for the engagement roll. Is that two just for the whole group? Yeah. Two for the whole group. Okay. So who's rolling?

Clover, you do it. Do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Six and a one. Okay. Six. That means that you get through the first obstacle. You're in a controlled position and bypass the first obstacle, which is Keith at the front desk. Oh, sick. Going like, hmm. I just adore Panusian culture. I'm so glad to meet. Thank you so much for coming. I will say that we will require you to shower off some of that mayonnaise if you want to use any of the pool facilities. But thank you so much for coming.

I hope you have a great. You know what? It's on the house. Kids. It's on the house. Oh, yeah. Thanks, mate. Yeah. Yeah. A real. Oh, shit. What happened to your mayonnaise dripping into his eyes? You're a real. Hey, I'm from Australia. What happened? Hold on. Do an Australian accent, Paul. I'm from Australia. Okay. I'm trying to do an Australian accent. I'm from Australia. Okay. I'm from Australia. There you go. Good enough. Hello. Hello. I'm not. I'm just not going to talk for the.

The rest of the scene. All right. Thank you. And then Clover shuts up. And Keith nods you all through and punches three tickets. Choke, choke, choke. Oh, my God. Come out a little thing at the front of the desk, letting you into the crystal pool. And you go in and it's like the waves are lapping. The water slides tower above you. It's soaring through the air. It's been a while since we've been in here. Yeah. Man, it's so fun in here. People milling about screams of joy. Yeah.

I kind of regret being banned. Yeah, I know. It's such a fun place. It's worth it at the time. Flashback to me having diarrhea in the pool. And far on the other side of the wave pool, you see a volleyball court of a beautiful sandy beach. And there's bleachers. Yeah. And it seems like a crowd is gathered around this volleyball practice. Yeah. People are like, ah, yeah. Slam, slam. Athleticism on display. Kids leaping into the air. Yeah. Spiking balls.

Just like it seems to be like the 14-year-old boy rec league kind of thing. Totally, yeah. Yeah. But they're really getting into it. And from the crystal pool, you hear, highway to the danger zone. And you hear, ah, let, ah, let, ah, let. Whoa. And there's a kid with his arms up in the air. Everybody's cheering him on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the thing where he puts his hands to his ears to get the crowd to cheer more. And the crowd go, yeah.

And the crowd go, yeah. Describe this guy to us. He is probably on the older side of 14, closer to 15. Long, lean muscle, dark skin, short hair, little bit of facial hair. Whoa. Yeah. Pretty cut. He's got like a tank top on and those like red athletic shorts with the stripes on the side. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And, uh. He rips his shirt off. Yeah. Crowd gives him a good go. Yeah. And he's just shredded, like 14-year-old shredded. It's not because he's super fit.

It's just because his body doesn't put fat on yet. And yeah, he's just there and people are loving it. Is Seamus there yet? Seamus is standing in the shade next to one of the bleachers. And he waves you over. Shuffle over there. Yeah. Hi. Hi, Seamus. How are you feeling? Oh, you know, I sort of got that post-diarrhea feeling. Hmm. Where because of all the pooping I've been doing, my body feels bad. Right. Yeah. You can tell. You look like shit. Okay. Paler than usual, honestly.

That tracks, I suppose, with… Yeah, that makes sense. Your eyes are sunken and your lips are all cracked. Okay. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You've got like a weird kind of sheen to your skin. Yeah, I totally do. Yeah. You smell weird. Yeah, you smell bad. You smell really bad. Are you sure there's not a bunch of poop still on you? No, no. It's just it's all the sweat and oil from how shitty I've been feeling.

You got to take care of yourself, dude, because, like, at this rate, that kid's going to overtake you as the most scrumptious thing I've ever seen. I planted a lamp. Okay. All right. I think we've all made it quite clear that I don't look great right now. Yeah, we're just concerned for you, Seamus. I appreciate that. I do. Because I'm feeling so… I'm so sick. Oh, that's too bad.

You really should have called me, and I could have, like, sent over some chicken noodle soup or underripe bananas or toast, you know, stuff that people eat when they have diarrhea. Oh, it was a sudden… It was a sudden illness, and now I'm feeling a bit better, so thank you, Clover. I really appreciate that. No problem. Anyway, so are you ready to meet with the wild nogs after the practice? Yes. Yes. Yes. But we want to be in a controlled position, so let us set up in a way that we look…

Fucking awesome. Okay. Okay. Then he goes, all right, let me take you over to… And where does he take you to where you guys are going to meet, and how do you set up? Under the bleachers. Yeah, totally. Oh, he's here? Nice. So you guys are under the bleachers, and… There's so many corn dogs down here. There's a lot of, like, peanut shells and stuff all over the place. Two older kids making out. Get out of here. They both squeal and run away. I pull my cane sword. Get out of here.

Oh, vampires. And, yeah, you have some time to set this place up to be at, like, what you want it to be when the meet happens. I'm going to set up my load as a candy store. So, like, disguise it as, like, an underground candy store. That's right. Then I'm ready to go if anything pops off. Gotcha. Oh, so you're getting all your shit out. Yeah, setting it up in displays. Yes. Okay, so when they come down here, they're going to find a pop-up shop? Yeah.

Ooh, maybe one of those, like, hanging things from baseball games? Yes. Like, it's around your neck? And then you've got… Oh, cigarettes! Yeah. But then you can just grab your candy, like, knuckles or whatever? Yeah, this thing turns into nunchucks. Oh, yeah. Pepperoni nunchucks. Great. What's House Fenton setting up? Oh, in the shadows, naturally. It's all shadows under here. In the shadows where I live and where I thrive. Yeah, but I'm down there, and I am fucking… I got my…

I put a second pair of vampire teeth in. You can't even close your mouth. I'm drooling out of the corners of his mouth. It's so scary. Come for me, Alann. I brought the, like, velvet sort of tent fabric that I used for reading fortunes, and I've sort of draped that around so that Fenton has a dark, shadowy lair to hang on to. Yeah. You're welcome. And is that how Clover's setting up, or does she have her own preparations? That's basically how she's setting up.

She's setting up the velvet situation. The shade tent. Frank Fim brought a music model of Vampire of the Opera. Nice. Nice. Cool. Kind of a cool vibe. Oh, you should start smoking. Oh, yeah. You start smoking. Oh. Stressed out, but it's also for vibes. I want to make it, like, kind of, like, foggy in here. Yeah. It cuts to the other side of the bleachers, and smoke starts pouring out. There's a bunch of people on top going, like, what is that?

It's kind of good, actually, because then they clear the area, and they won't get to hear us. Oh, yeah. So you guys are waiting for about 15, 20 minutes as the game ends. Yeah. Just hot. Hot boxing. Yeah. Hot boxing clove smoke. It smells so bad down here. God, we're turning into such bad kids. It's so quickly. It's great. Right. You guys are trying. I forget. Didn't we talk about, like, is your reputation changing to, like, the bad kids? I think it might be. Yeah. Because we're smoking. Yeah.

It's definitely an intense vibe for a lot of kids. Oh, yeah. We're all covered in tattoos now, too. Yeah. Oh, shit. I think that we have all these stick and pokes. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. And real bad kid vibes. Uh-huh. I put a neck tattoo of, like, a chain. Like, what's it called? Those barbed wire tattoos. Barbed wire neck tattoos. Uh-huh.

I thought you were going to say you put a thing that says, blood goes in here and then arrows pointing to the moon. Also that. Yes. Hilarious. Yeah. What a lame tattoo for a vampire to have. Blood goes in here and the arrows so long. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It circumnavigates your whole face. Okay. About 15, 20 minutes later, you hear a raucous cheer. Everybody cheering for the wild nogs. Everybody cheering for a land Tim. And people start clearing out.

You're like, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. You know, stuff's falling down like food wrappers and shit are raining from the sky. And then sweating with, like, a towel around his neck, a land Tim enters with some wild nogs behind him, a couple of his boys. Would you like a drink? What do you got? I got to replenish my fluids. I got blue Gatorade. I got red Gatorade. Your choice. And we have, if I can take some, put some together, purple Gatorade. I like your style. He reaches out.

He takes a purple Gatorade. So I understand that you had some dealings with my predecessor, but unfortunately he had to go to summer school. So I'm in charge now. So sorry to hear that. You know, then he kisses his fingers and points up to the sky. We all do that. We lost a real one. But, you know, now we got a change in leadership and a change in business dealing.

So, you know, I'm thinking maybe in the ways that my predecessor was a little more restrictive, maybe I'm thinking about opening things up. So I understand you got some business. Yeah, we also have the display. I want to show you what we bring to the table. He does, like, a real quick cata sort of thing with all the things. Really quick. Like, pulls out the knuckles. Does a little shadow boxing. Transporter. Poof. Disappears like Batman. Does all this stuff. Lights out licorice.

And that's his final move is that he eats and falls and passes right out. Boom. He's gone. Okay, we probably shouldn't have done that. But we got possibly a mutually beneficial deal to offer. Yeah. What's your opinion on cream? Positive. We know a place where you can get a lot of it. Is that so? Yeah. And this is outside the normal channels. Straight from the source. Franklin says from the ground. We need a little assistance getting goat's milk from the heavy petting suit.

And we're wondering if we could partner up together in sort of like a business arrangement. We milk the goats. You transport the cream. And we split. 70-30. Yeah. 70-30. All right. You get 70. Yeah. Good call. Well, that actually doesn't sound as good anymore. We got to climb the stairs. Steps. How about 70-70? That's not the math. Step, even, shift. All right. What we're going to do is… Okay, fine. You got it. 70-70 it is. But, Lance, I'm starting a clock. I'm going to make it eight segments.

Whoa. Holy shit. The job is convincing. That's what we're doing, right? Yeah. Once they're convinced, then you can get your cream and it can be transported. Mm-hmm. So, first we're talking 30-70. Okay. Who's trying to convince him of the basics of the deal? I brought Greg's planning board. Mm-hmm. So, you've set up a whiteboard. So, I've set up the whiteboard. Uh-huh. And I'm doing the math. 70 plus 30 equals 100. And then I'm drawing the fat goat. Uh-huh. And pointing at the udder.

And I say, heavy cream. Yeah. In the drawing, the goat's boobs look like a person boobs. Yeah, we… Interesting. I do like drawings of boobs. All right. So, he's convinced already. He's like, that should count. He likes the boob drawings. You gotta roll. You gotta roll. How much do I roll? What are you rolling? What action do you think you're using in this moment? I mean, what about finesse? Like, because it's such a good drawing of boobs. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that would work.

And also, you're finessing the social situation. Yeah. You're not using the math. You're using the, like, his, like… His teenage hormones. Hormones, yeah. Yeah. So, I'm pointing at the boobs, which I put a lot of detail into them. And we're talking about, like, the cream. Yeah. I also pull my tank top a little lower. I don't have boobs. But Seamus is just like, what the fuck? What is going on? So, maybe you did a stick and poke of just a straight line.

I'm really, like, pushing my non-existent boobs together while I pose. And the drawing's so good that both Fenton and Franklin are like, what? Yeah. So, with finesse, it would have been risky limited. Okay. Because instead of telling him about the deal, you're drawing a picture. But because you've introduced this boob angle, it is now risky standard. Okay. I can sense the boob angle might be coming into most of our shows right now. So sorry, everyone. One and six. Six. So, that's a six.

Fuck yeah. That's a really good drawing. Fuck yes. Seasons every time. Which means that you fill in two segments of this eight-segment clock. Which means… Which means that we are a quarter of the way to convincing a lamb. Yeah. And he swirls his purple Gatorade, looking at the boob drawing for a long time. And goes, nice. 30-70 sounds… I don't know. Maybe we can talk numbers a little bit.

But look, when it comes to transporting illicit heavy cream through the mall, my boys are going to be the ones taking most of the risk. You know what I mean? And I say boys in a general sense, but we do have some girls now. Oh, cool. Yeah. You really opened it up. Pretty cool. My predecessor, he tended to say boys in a more, like, limiting sense. You know what I mean? But when you say it, it has a Z, which includes everybody. Exactly. So, what are some assurances that I've got here?

That if anyone, any of the wild nogs come into trouble, that we're going to be protected? Well, here's the thing. You guys are a little worried about protection because you're on outs with the nog hogs. And the cream that comes… The cream that comes out of the heavy petting zoo is so thick that the nog hogs would be aching for it. That's true. It would be the perfect base for the next batch of nog. You know when you milk a cow and you got to skim that good old cream off the top? Mm-hmm.

All of it is that. All of it's that. You get back into their good graces. You don't have to skim anything. Whereas before you had a vat of milk that you could use, a liter of cream will do. Mm-hmm. Plus, you'll have protection. I offer all these weapons and my great finesse to guard your boys on the road. Do you have a sample of this cream? Not yet. Hmm. Okay. So, is this a roll that someone's making? I was going to make an insight roll because I have a study. Mm-hmm.

So, I can intuit that the value of the cream to them is way higher because I know that it would be super valuable to the nog hogs. Mm-hmm. So, then the wild nogs would repair… …that relationship. So, even though they're only getting 30%, it's 30% of such a valuable thing that it would mean totally different operations for them. So, yeah. Desperate, but great if you succeed. Okay. Here we go. Six is non-stop. Six. Six. Two sixes and a four. Two sixes and a four. Two sixes. Wow. Okay.

Surely, that's like a full wheel now. Full clock. No, that's that. You got three ticks left. Oh. But you filled like five of an eight tick clock. Nice. Yeah. All right. Franklin's your turn. Yeah. So, he's going to try and convince them that like he'll help them on Fury Road style. Mm-hmm. He'll guard them with all his gear. Yeah. And then puts on a display. Mm-hmm. Yeah. When you explain the cream in great detail. Yeah. You can see him like nodding a lot and going, hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

And looking at the boob drawing and going… Hmm. This meeting is like three times as long as it would have been otherwise because he's like… So, every once in a while, everyone but Clover is just like staring at the drawing. Yeah. Huh. Uh-huh. And Clover gets caught looking at the drawing. You know when? One day. One day, I'm going to have some of those. Aspirational. I'll get all this attention one day. Looking at a picture of a goat with human boobs and going, one day. That's legit.

One day. That's what small Jessica used to think about. One day, I'll have boobs. Yeah. I can't wait. I still can't wait. I literally cannot wait any longer. I am 33 and I still don't. Okay. So, you're convincing them that your protection will be me. Yeah. I will keep you safe. Yes. So, you're saying that you will go on the ride with them? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Again, risky standard to begin with. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But I think because of…

Of the stuff that you brought in your display, it's probably controlled. Okay. Controlled standard. Great. Yeah. Is there any way we can bump it up to great effect? Because that would give us three. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What if I do like a fortune telling? Yeah, you could do that. To say like how it'll go. Yeah. Yeah. Because everyone thinks you're spooky weird too. That's true. That is. Exactly. Yeah. Alain, I'm sure you've heard tales of my own powers. Yeah, I've heard a thing or two.

Do you believe me? Do you believe? I don't know. Seems kind of far-fetched if I'm being honest. And just because, you know, you dress all spooky and you smoke closed cigarettes. Let me show you. All right. All right. Clover sets up her deck of tarot cards. Oh, yeah. Or should she do palm reading? I should do palm reading. I think it makes it because then it doesn't require a thing. Yeah. Oh, then you can touch him too. Oh, Fenton. Why would I want to touch him? Are you? Oh, read his palm.

Fenton's got such. Have you fucking seen this kid? Fenton gets like really close. He's like pressed up against me. Yeah. Such an intense crush on this kid that he's just met. So I grab Alain's palm and I start reading. And I want to like say stuff about him that I wouldn't know. Can I do that? Yeah, you can. Yeah. Do I roll for it or? You definitely roll for it. Yeah. So I'm going to use a tune. So yeah, that's two dice. And I have whisper and ritualist.

So ritualist, you can study occult rituals to manifest supernatural effects. So this would be study instead of a tune if you wanted to use ritual. All right. So I'll do that then. Okay. So this is like actually Clover connecting to like something. Yeah. Yeah. You don't do this often. All the drugs that you've done. Clothes that I've smoked. Right. There's stuff in the clothes. You got one of his DMT clothes. Oh. They're mixed up. You got to dream the light fantastic or whatever. Oh. Twos. Twos.

Can I do something to like fix that? Devil's bargain. Yeah. Yeah. I'll go do that. Okay. So what's the devil's bargain? What's the bad thing that happens? I think Clover has taken something that like. And I'm kind of high. You're tripping bad. Yeah. Like I'm starting to like hallucinate a bit. I'm like, whoa. Totally. Yeah. Definitely. So then you roll one more die basically. Please. Yeah. Yeah. This is going to, the bad thing happens no matter what. Yes. Yes. Yes. Please. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Fuck my life. Okay. All right. So. That would have been so cool if it worked. I know. I hate this. We had non-stop successes. Is there anything else I can do? It'll be cool too. Oh, wait, no. You can, I never remember this. We can, you have armor that you can use. You can resist consequences. Yeah. I want to do whatever I can. Whatever I can to make this work.

So when you roll a partial success or a failure, you can resist the consequence either through quick reflexes, quick reflexes, sharp wit, endurance, or sheer luck. Every time you resist, you mark a stress box. Okay. I want to resist. Okay. So this is risky. So you're taking too stress to resist. No problem. And I resist by chugging a Gatorade. You grab his Gatorade. Yeah. But the devil's bargain still takes effect. Yeah. I'll still be like kind of fucked up.

So what do you say when you're looking at his palm? He's like, he holds out his hand and he's kind of like flexing his arm a little bit. He's like. I'm going to start off easy and just say that you're an orphan like us. And. Oh my God. How did she know? And not too long ago. Immediately crying. I don't like it. I don't like it. And not too long ago either were you orphaned. You've only spent one summer in this mall. So the wounds are fresh.

And I know that you just haven't dealt with that drama yet. You play volleyball as an outlet. You yearn for that action of. The court. You yearn to take your anger out on the spikes on the ball. I know this is where you fight your inner demons. Impressive. And he pulls his hand away. But you got one thing wrong. I'm not an orphan. I ran away. And he steps back. And Clover, you're like, great. And then the second he steps back, you're like, oh, my God, I need to get a Gatorade. Yeah. So.

While he turns away. I just. I just. I chug his Gatorade. Yeah. And you go over and you chug a Gatorade. Mm-hmm. But you like hear somebody talk. And no one said anything. Everyone's just looking at you. Who said that? Clover, you're tripping balls. No, I'm not. For sure. Clover. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. Yes.

And Seamus walks over and kind of like puts a hand on Clover's shoulder. Don't touch me. Okay. Just maybe come over here for a sec. I'm sorry. I saw too deep into your soul, the land, and I need to recover. And you go sit down like under the vampire like sheet that you set up. Just pulls the cloak over. Okay. Uh, and yeah, so the setup action didn't work, unfortunately, and Clover is now hearing voices. Okay. So we have a new thing to deal with. Franklin, continue. Nothing ever happens.

You say that from far away. I am fine. So, uh, you're, you can promise that you're gonna keep my boys safe. Well, yeah. Keep the hogs safe. Of course. Have you heard of my reputation? No. What about you? What about now? It takes off a shirt. Tiny little crop top tux. No. What about now? Puts on a little really tight bow tie. Nope. What about now? Suspenders. Oh, no. And then I, I sneak you the beer from last night. What about, and then, yeah. What about now?

And then he's like shaking, thinking about, oh, I'm gonna have to take a sip of, because so many kids were like, I want to drink the beer. And then they did, but then they spit it back in because they're actually afraid. So much back watch. There's actually more beer in here than there was when we found it. Oh. Oh. You're that Franklin Stein. Huh. Hmm. Want a sip? No. More for me. If he drinks this beer, can he get great effect? Oh. Like if he chugs it all? This is my devil's bargain. Jesus.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the devil's bargain that you're taking to add one to your roll. Okay. We became such bad kids so fast. Or I guess, yeah, no. Devil's bargain would be that you get great effect instead of standard. I look at Fenton and say, tell Clover I love her. Like in this way that I love you too. Tell yourself, tell her, if I don't make it out of this alive. And then Fenton's like, I will not fail you, my friend.

And then he turns around and goes, Clover, Franklin says he loves you. That's good to hear. You hear nothing. Okay. Boom, boom, boom. Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it. Oh, and it's so warm and like 80% kid spit. And it's just like roiling around in your gut now. Fine. And then he does a pirouette, splits, up, shadow box, roundhouse, roundhouse, roundhouse, needs to sit down. Okay. What are you rolling for this? Giant burp. Finesse. Finesse? Okay. And prowess.

So I have one in finesse and then two in prowess. So I get three die. Yeah. Great. And this is controlled. Great. Six, six, three. Two sixes. Oh, shit. Finally. Yes. So this is, you're almost like in another realm mentally. You can feel the beer like inside. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. And you're doing all these flips and splits, roundhouses. It's actually great motivation for my dance. Fenton, you can see Alain is like, oh, oh, oh my God. Holy fuck. Yeah. What? Three roundhouses in a row? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. He's totally the kind of kid that would just be impressed by athleticism. Yeah. So Franklin's working in some of his like subtle volleyball moods. He does like a big sort of like spike down superhero landing, you know, kind of thing. Uh-huh. And Alain is even going like, he's getting so jacked up that he's punching and kicking. And by the end, Alain is like sweating. He was so mentally charged by seeing you do all this shit. There's still a lot of smoke down here. Yeah.

This close stuff's really getting in my mind. In my eyeballs. That's why I'm crying. Not because of how cool that was. It's all the smoke in my eyes that's making me cry. If they won't listen to my moves, then they'll listen to my words. And he holds up his fist and say sword on him. Both of them say sword? Yeah. And you know how like in movies, people like kiss their knuckles, but he's a kid. So he doesn't think about it. So I put his whole fist in his mouth for emphasis. Okay. All right.

I can tell that you're pretty badass. And your friends scared the shit out of me. But that's an asset in itself. So you know what? You got a deal. Shake hands. Shakes hands. Yes. When your hands connect, it's a clap as the muscles just slap. Yeah. This is the muscliest handshake I've ever seen. Forearms. A lot of gripping. Popeye on Popeye. Both arms are sweaty. It's kind of like a cloud of sweat. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I'm mixed contact.

Franklin burps so loud when they shake hands. All right. You got a deal. The wild nogs will be there to transport your cream. You mean our cream. I do mean our cream. I hope this is the beginning of a very creamy relationship. And the meeting ends. The wild nogs, Alain, turns around, snaps, his boys appear, and then they leave. And Seamus is like, well done. I'm done. I'm done. We're getting closer, right, to the deal? To the… What is this about again? Getting creamed. Getting creamed.

Oh man, we gotta get her home. Or at least to the chill out room. All right. All that's left, I suppose, is to get the cream and then transport it to Doris's kitchen, right? Yeah, we just need to grab the cream and go to Shitty Foods. And Clover, you're laying there. And you hear like, like all the voices. Oh yeah, they're getting loud. Yeah. They're rising to like a crescendo in your head. She's like crawling towards the bag, like listening. Uh-huh. Whoa. What? The dark chocolate voices? Yeah.

Sick. What do you speak of? And you hear just like, Don't trust him. And that's where we're gonna end it. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdulaziz. Oh, goodbye. Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Hoppers. See you next time. And playing Clover Ivy Fern, the whisper, Jessica Tai. Bye for now. Thank you to Samuel Quinn Morris for our incredible intro and outro music. An absolute gift.

And thank you to Duane Figueroa, the creator of World of Blades, based on Blades in the Dark by John Harper. And thank you most of all to all of you out there supporting the show. So thank you so much. And we'll see you next time. And so ends the tale.

Of the cool treat kids Always up to no good So tiny and greedy And angsty they be As they navigate crime and puberty And though our journey may belie a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to the chocolate store As the cool treat kids plan their next score And for you I'll gladly spout more Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.