Episode 12 – Actions Speak Louder Than Blades

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound Their wares are famously tasty Here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets She has a corn dog addiction Benton's the slide, she sleeps in the sink And writes vampire fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends And listen close For the tale's about to start Welcome, everybody, to Spoutmore Mall Brats.

I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me is always-playing Fenn Beasley, the Sloth. And on the next slide, Abdul Aziz. Playing Franklin Stein, the Cutter, Paul Hoppers. Say it, don't spray it, buddy. Playing Clover, Ivy Fern, the Whisper, Jessica Tai. Hi, everyone. When last we left our heroes, the Cool Treat Kids hot off their victory in the abandoned chocolate factory returned to the alcove of Greg the Psychonaut to a glow-in-the-dark afterparty hosted by the kids of the mall.

Kind of had like your uncle, took you to glow-in-the-dark bowling for your birthday kind of vibe. Yeah, totally. We resolved all of our downtime activities. Entanglements involved a Corb Green halfling detective coming and questioning the kids. Oh, no, telling us the uppers have taken note of us. Right, yes. There was no questioning. No, no questioning. Corb Green halfling detective. The wine moms, no. They know that the Cool Treat Kids were involved. Man, we got sick informants everywhere.

I know. You've really- You've really ingratiated yourself to a lot of people that were initially very annoyed with you. It's quite like our Patreon. Thanks to all our subscribers. Thank you. All of you. A unanimous review. The Batman voice was a lot, but I got into it later. A lot of people support us who were quite annoyed for the first little while. Yeah, and then they- I think they got a little annoyed again with us and then it got better. Exactly.

Franklin Stein used one of his downtime activities to convince Corb Green to throw suspicion off of the Cool Treat Kids by spreading rumors that you were hiding out in the heavy petting zoo on top of- Grow up, guys. It's because all the animals are really big. They're huge. It's overgrown like crazy. I don't know why they put it on the roof. Big goats. Oh, huge goats. It's just really- It's small animals, but they're really overweight. Yeah. They're rolling hamster.

That's why they made them so chubby so that people- because people are like, I can't catch the animals. You're always running around. Like, I know. We'll make them really chubby so they just lie there. They can't get away. Clover and Fenton both took additional drama in the last job, so we resolved that. Clover has, to everybody's great dismay and terror, begun smoking club cigarettes. Oh, right. Yeah, I forgot about that. I am so worried about you. Fenton was like in tears.

He's like, no, Clover, no. And Franklin did all the kind of like after school, like, give me one of those. And Clover was like, no, you can't have it. And he's like, but you want to have it? I don't want you to turn into me. And then I started crying, and then you're like, I got to kick this habit. She literally smoked a tenth of one cigarette. There was a point in the episode where you were like, man, I picked a crazy day to stop smoking.

I think, and weren't they cigarettes, like, Clover's cigarettes I stole from Greg? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Which is not even mine. No. And good. It's good luck that you got his regular clove cigarettes and not his insane laced clove cigarettes. Greg is at least responsible enough to keep those locked up. Yeah. All of his super important stuff is locked up. Yeah. By locked up, he means in his front breast pocket. But Mushy's in there. Mushy's in the pocket too.

So Mushy guards the cigarettes. Oh, yeah. The DMT clove cigarettes. Fenton's new drama revealed itself in the form of, he thinks he's a vampire now. Classic traumatized second grader. Yeah. I put on a cloak and put in fake teeth and that's what I am now. Yes. And then he used one of his downtime activities to get information from the Cardinal. Yes. One of the leaders of the study group on actual vampire covens in the mall.

Learning about a kid gang who pretends to be vampires called the Blood Boys. And a real coven of vampires that the rest of the study group was like, do not tell him about this. Yes. Called the Sanguine Court. Live above the Caprice Theater. My new home. If I can find it. Help me out here. Clover. Oh, yeah. So I talked to Doris. Doris. And got her to like mess with the dark chocolate recipe that the wine moms have.

And to get us the original so that we could make, basically like devalue the dark chocolate by making something like turd truffles. Yeah. That we're gonna give away for free. Uh huh. Like Noodle Box did for noodles. Yeah. Yeah. How nobody likes noodles anymore. Yeah. Yeah. And then Franklin won over some more gang members. Right. Yes. Bigger gang clock. Yeah. He revealed that he had a beer that he wanted to share with his girlfriend, Mindy Cart.

And then it became a dance competition to see who got the beer. Mm hmm. And instead that became a sort of communion. Yeah. That all of the kids of the mall took part in. Yeah. Yeah. And pledging their future allegiance to the Cooltree kids, but also kind of to Franklin specifically. Ooh. Oh really? Yeah. A little bit. Wow. A drink of my blood. Exactly. Yeah. You transubstantiated a warm beer into your flesh and blood. Kind of regretting it now. Haven't been feeling right. Yeah.

The vibes of that party were like so peak, like middle school. Everyone is being bad for the first time. It's like, and then the next day at school, everyone's really quiet. Yes. Yeah. Right. Just being like, oh my God, the cops are gonna come for us because we drank a beer. It's like, we all know what we're all thinking. Every time the door to the classroom opens, all the kids jump. They think it's the fuzz.

And we ended things with Clover being delivered a recipe from Doris for something called Pinot Noir. Mm hmm. You have the official genuine recipe for Pinot Noir and Doris has altered the recipe that the wine moms have access to, to make it a shittier product. Mm hmm. And that is where we find the Cool Treat Kids now. It's morning. Yeah. Thunk. A recipe arrives in a tube next to Clover. I slyly open it in secret. It says Pinot Noir. Finally, the ultimate recipe. What's that? Nothing.

Well, actually, you already know. Wait, what? I'm sorry. We're all so jumpy. I'm sorry. I didn't see you there, Franklin. Sorry. So secretive. The Pinot Noir recipe. Ooh, it arrived. Smells like wine. Smells like my mom's sitting room. You can smell it from there? Yes. My senses are heightened now. Oh, my God. Because I am a vampire. And then he chugs the rest of the beer in my mouth. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I think I just had a beer that was laying around. Oh, no. That was not the beer. So warm and spitty. Yeah. All those kids put their mouths on it. It's an insubstantial sustenance to me, for I need the sanguine liquid of life. Why don't you just have a chocolate bar? I am having a chocolate bar. It's a chaser. And he takes a sip of beer, and then he bites into a caramel like it's a lime. And then it leaves little fangies. I know.

He's got little fang marks because he's wearing like the fangs. The chocolate bar is bleeding. You know? Oh, yes. Yeah. I have a question. Yeah. Are we doing downtime or are we doing like action? This is the job. The job. The last episode was downtime. So for my… I'm sorry. I have like COVID brain, I think. Yeah, that's okay. What is a job? What's the job? So the job… What's a job? No, like… It's not like… It's not like downtime where you have like two things.

So I don't have two things due today, right? I just have… No. You have the job to do. Yeah. You have the job to do. Yeah. You have the job to do. What we'll talk about is how you guys want to go about this. Because remember, it's like the engagement role stuff. So we'll decide, yeah, what you guys want to do. I think what we talked about last time was it'll primarily be about like distributing, like finding a way to flood the market. Yeah.

So the things that we potentially need to do are make the chocolate, give it to Doris for distribution, market it, and then deal with the fallout of like the wine moms are coming for us. Yeah. And then marketing it. I imagine us taking like our bikes or scooters and we're in like disguise. Yeah. I also imagining us coming up with a mascot that Borbo can dress up as. Oh yeah. A big turd. A big giant turd. We turn him into a Mr. Hankey character. It's supposed to be, and he tastes delicious. Yeah.

This big piece of shit. Get it from Shitty Foods. Yum, yum, yum. So the first one is make the chocolate, like find the facilities necessary. The facilities is just Greg's. Right. Yeah. We might have to build something. Or you might need to get, because we've hand waved a lot of like your materials in the past, but like this might require. I think we definitely need to get the ingredients. Maybe that's okay. So here's the situation.

You want to make the chocolate, but you don't have access to the things that you're used to having access to Clover specifically because she needs like a certain amount of shit to actually make candy. You do have your facilities and Clover's old workshop in the sugar shack. That is one option is go back and steal it. Knowing that it's under observation. Who's there. Who's watching it. Just the security. It's locked down. No, but it's Tina Durger. Tina Durger. She's got her best men on.

And probably more now because the wine moms know that it was us that like stole the dark chocolate. So they probably suspect that we're going to go back to the sugar shack. Potentially. Would Doris have what we need if we just went and used the shitty foods kitchen? I mean, maybe, but she just makes regular food. I mean, maybe, but she just makes regular food. I mean, maybe, but she just makes regular food. Are we actually making it taste like shit or like. I think we're making it good.

I think I thought the plan was to make it good and then give it away for free. Give it away for free to take away any semblance of like, this is a cool thing. That is the opposite of what I thought. Great. Cause we gave them a, a, the wrong recipe for a thing that would make it bad and gross. Right. We're going to make it good. We're making it good. I mean, yeah, I guess it depends. It depends on what you guys want to do. Like, cause if you want to. Set up a new place. That's more complicated.

Yeah. But you would have greater control probably over what the final product was. Okay. But if you just go to Doris's and use her kitchen, then you're going to be trying to use a. Not ideal. Substandard equipment. Yeah. Compromise. I think like, I'm thinking that right now time is like of the essence. Yeah. Right. Maybe we could use Doris's stuff as like, we just need to get it out there. Right. Right. And then we can just do anything.

Cause as we all know, the marketing is the most important part. Yeah. Yeah. The substance of the thing doesn't matter. Not at all. And if it's already going to be distributed through shitty foods, it's kind of perfect. We go there, we make some shitty chocolate, it gets distributed out of shitty foods and then we start marketing it. Shitty foods make sense, but I do think that, yeah, if you want to make it really good, there's a, there's a piece missing.

There's some sort of like the cocoa butter. Yeah. Yeah. The fat or something like that. Special milk. Yeah. Or like, yeah. Perfect sugar. Clover special sauce. Exactly. Yeah. Special sauce. Yeah. What about, uh, like, cause we need, we need like the fat to add to the dark chocolate. What if we go to like the eggnog, uh, brew. Oh my God. And we use the creme on the top of the dog that they usually just throw away. Yeah. Oh my God. Cause they don't even want that stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

They've got vats of it. Do you think they've forgiven us by now? Nope. Probably not. For sure not. So the, but so. Cut to them with a dart board and just arm fencing. Totally. Yeah. Cause the wild dog, the nog hogs hate you and the wild nogs, which is like the kid equivalent of the nog hogs. Really fucking hate you. Yeah. Cause you destroyed their factory. Yeah. Yeah. You destroyed their brewery. Clover's got a little like quill out or pen or whatever.

And she's on the planning board and she's drawing out like where we could find vats of cream. So she's writing like the nog hogs. She's writing like the nog hog. Uh. Distillery. Distillery. Where else would we find cream? Doris sometimes has cream if she's making Swedish meatballs. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. But probably not as nice as you need. Not as nice. Um, the. The heavy petting zoo. Oh. The goats. We have to go milk the big fat goats. Straight from the source. The heavy, heavy cream.

The fattest ghost giving up the fattest cream. We need the fattest titties in the mall to get to the big fat goat. Oh. Oh. Oh.

I give you the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the fattest, the Okay, yeah, I'm on board too.

And you know who can help us get it is one half-elf who is good at infiltrating things. Adric fucking Swift. Smash cut to his room at the Spearmint B&B. Empty. Where do you think he went? Papers fluttering by the window. Exactly. Taylor Swift, gone. No. Piles of books. Shit. Is the Heavy Petting Zoo even like a scary place to go? It kind of is. Yeah, I think we talked about how they've been left alone up there for so long that it is. We're kind of doing the last episode, though, if we do that.

Yeah, that's the thing. We're doing other Jungle Crossing. Right. You know what I mean? With the same fellow. Yeah. Okay, so we don't need Adric Swift. So what would the obstacles to getting the goat cream be? Is it that you have to sneak through the mall? I think so. Yeah, I think we just have to sneak through the mall. We have to get up. We have to get up. So we'd have to take the stairs, probably, or the elevator. Okay. Okay. Greg, who has been…

Greg's been sleeping in his chair, which he's got a thing that folds out so he can lay down. So cool. You can hear his chair. I just imagine that the little handles on the back of his chair kind of spring up into bedposts. Totally. And then there's little curtains that close around. Oh, my God. Bed knobs and broomsticks. Yeah. Gadget style. So you hear it like… Clock. You hear it like, crank, crank, crank, rattle as he kind of rolls over, and his bed slowly transforms back into his chair.

And he goes… Sorry, kids. I couldn't help but overhearing because you're talking real loud. I heard it on the other end of the cosmos. Such a put-upon stepdad. This room here is probably 20 by 10, and you're really loud, so I couldn't help but overhear. Hey, who drew on my 3D magic eye? That was what we're using for. That was an eagle. Sorry. You can hardly see it now. So just to recap.

Just to be clear, your plan is to get the highest quality goat cream that you can from the heavy petting zoo. To make up for the fact that Doris's kitchen is not the ideal situation to make this chocolate in. Okay. So if we had to point out sort of everything that we're going to be thinking about over the next two to three episodes, we're now kind of in two segments. Yes. Steal the cream and make the chocolate. Yeah. Which is one complete thing. Yeah. And then market and sell the chocolate. Yes.

So we're doing two kind of halves instead of three chunks. Yes. I like that. All right. I just wanted to make sure that I knew what was going on as someone who is not going to be involved. Thanks, Greg. Thank you. No problem. He pats each of you on the shoulder. We'll say hi to Doris for you. Oh, that's fine. Put in a good word. If you want to. But if, I mean, if you do see her and he reaches in his coat and hands you an envelope, give her that. Can I read it? No. Okay. I'm good. I got it.

I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got to go look at a mushroom. And I'll, you know what? I'm going to tell her, you look especially handsome today, Greg. Oh, Clover. I got to go look at a mushroom. He rolls away to go look at a pipe. Also, just a reminder, Greg is more Brad Gooseberry. Right. I've more like this. A little bit more like that. More like this. Yes. I spent a lot of time with Corb yesterday. His, his mannerisms. I was trying to thing. All right.

I, if I'm going to spend this much time around Doris, I've been trying to make myself a little bit cooler, I guess. Why don't you just be yourself, Greg? Cause yourself is pretty awesome. I spend so much time trying to alter myself with the mushrooms and substances that I grow that I, I, sometimes I'm not sure who I am is who I need to be. You know? Oh yeah. I think we all feel that. Yeah.

But it's important to remember that you're, you're going to be always with the thing that you've been trying to be lately. So the most recent you. Uh, he's having a little trouble accepting this advice, especially from Fenton. Who's currently dressed like a vampire. As you can see recently, I'm dressed as a vampire. Making me a vampire. Fenton says that and then he smears a bunch of white makeup on his face. It's just the process of finding ourselves, you know, process of growing up.

Sometimes you just have to be a vampire for a few months. Franklin smacks a lit cigarette out of Corb's hand. I'm trying to quit. Exactly. You have to let me smoke them if I'm going to quit. I need to have the problem. Stressed. It's just my last one. Uh, okay, great. So let's talk about planning and engagement. Okay. As we all know, there are six different plans, each missing a detail you need to provide.

What you need to decide is what approach you will be using to, uh, get the cream, get the goat cream and transport it to Doris. The choices are assault, which is a do direct violence. To a cow. I guess. It's probably. Cow guarding goat. I am just imagining the cool tree kids being like, okay, there's only one way to get to the heavy petting zoo. You're just running through the mall. I mean, who knows what we will, what we shall find in the goat zone. Uh, the next one is deception.

Lure, trick or manipulate. I like that. Yeah. Okay. Stealth. Trespass unseen. Oh, I like that more. That makes the most sense. Honestly. Occult. Engage a supernatural power. I mean, if we're going near the vampires. Mm hmm. Oh. Uh, social negotiate, bargain or persuade. That could also apply to the vampires. So could apply to the vampires. Transport, carry cargo or people through danger. That also is very applicable because we have to get it back to. We also need a lot of goat boobs. Yeah.

We kind of. So, you know how the, the. Need more than one goat. How much milk does a goat produce? Aren't these huge goats? The other, the other question is how much butter can we get from milk? We need a lot. We need a lot of milk to make a little bit of butter. What if because these goats are so fat, it's just like really thick cream. Cream like cream. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it comes out as butter. You squeeze it out. Oh, jeez. Butter goats.

I mean, I think what we're looking, cause we're looking at pretty chunky goats, but we're also looking at pretty like large goats too, right? That's what we're talking about. Cause they're big, but they're also big. Think this because we're like they're heavy. So they've full of heavy cream. Yeah, totally. That works. Who knows what we'll find. This is the rumors that we're putting rumors together using kid logic. So this could be anything. What do we get up there? That's a really good point.

But here's what Fenton is telling you is we need a way to get it out of the, um, the, the heavy petting zoo and the nog hogs have those giant tureens on the back of their bikes. So if we stole three of their bikes, took it up to the roof. Yep. And then we took the tureens, brought it back down from the roof somehow. Uh, we can ride bikes downstairs, right? We can build a giant ramp. You can also talk to the nog hogs. Yeah. Like you could try and smooth things over. What?

They're immortal enemies. Okay. But maybe they've had a change of heart. Kind of like we've had a change of heart. It's true. Okay. Let's try to talk to them. Okay. We'll use our words. Franklin said, yeah, we'll use our words. And then you see him with a Sharpie writing words. Yeah.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, We're going for the wild nogs.

The nog hogs are the adults that make eggnog. Okay. We're going to go sneakily get to the wild nogs and have a conversation where hopefully they don't kill us. Yes. And then we're all going to go to the heavy petting zoo together. Yes. Oh, what if like they get a cut? We give them some of our cream. And that's a way they can make good with the nog hogs after fucking up so bad. Totally. In a completely unrelated incident that we had nothing to do with. So we're going in with a parlay. Yes. Yeah.

It sounds like a social. Yeah. Okay. Let's do it. Social. So detail the social connection. So who is your connection? Seamus. Oh, Seamus. Yeah. Because people respect him. He's cool. Yeah. He was missing from the party. Yes, he was. Yeah. He wasn't there. Oh, right. Yeah. Because when everyone was slow dancing at the end of the night, you came and sat by me instead of slow dancing with him. Mm-hmm. So can I make a phone call to Seamus? Through the pipes? Yeah. Through the pipes? Yeah.

Because that's how it happens, hey? Yeah. It's like a canned telephone. Okay. God, I sound hot. Seamus. Yeah, we are like, ooh. We're blowing air at you so your hair blows. Thanks, guys. It counts. It counts. Seamus. Seamus. It's me, Clover. Hi, Clover. Sorry I was in the bathroom. Oh. Sorry I didn't- I didn't interrupt you. Fuck, why did I tell her that? Fuck. I mean, I was doing push-ups. That makes sense. I know you do those every morning. I do. In the bathroom.

Seamus, why weren't you at the party last night? Oh, I just had- I had a stomach ache. That's why I was in the bathroom. Oh. Since the party? Yeah, yeah. I've just, you know, I ate some bad- we got a shipment of jerky and I had to test it out and I haven't been feeling so well. But I'm feeling all right. I'm better now. Can you do us a favor, Seamus? Oh, I don't know, Clover. Are you- is it because you're stuck in the bathroom? Yeah, I've really got the squirts today. That's pretty gross.

I shouldn't have said- I mean, I really- my arms are tired from my push-ups. And then Fenton covers the phone and he's like, Hey, does it seem like- do you guys like Seamus is lying and hiding something? Okay, that's what I thought, but I wasn't sure. Who would own up to the squirts so readily to a girl they like? Yeah. Seamus? Yeah? Are you lying to me? No. No. No. How do I know this? Can I roll for it? Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah. What are you rolling? Like, study?

Study would- yeah, study would totally work. Five. Five. Okay, so that is a mixed success. Uh-huh. You get from his tone that he is not telling you something, but he doesn't offer what? Seamus, if you don't tell me- I'm gonna break up with you. Yeah, and I'm gonna suck you dry. Fenton, that's a fucked up thing to say. Holy shit. I'm just- I- alright, I had insane diarrhea yesterday, okay? Bullshit. He's clearly not telling you something, but he's trying to, uh, like, smooth it over.

How do I find out? He- that's- so that's- that's the mixed success here is he's- you know that he is lying to you. He's lying to you, but he's not telling you what it is, and he's continuing to lie to you. And Fenton whispered, he's like, hey, we can ask the Upper Stone Twins. That's a good idea. We can- we can go to them on the way and just, like, ask them if they've heard anything weird about Seamus. So I'm gonna pretend like I believe Seamus. Okay.

Oh, that's too bad that you had diarrhea last night. I totally understand why you missed the party then, and I'm definitely not gonna think about it. Okay, good. I will- I will- I will- Just tell everyone in the mall that you have really bad diarrhea so that nobody bothers you today. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that sounds great. Just let them know. I'm not feeling so good. But- but I mean, what did you need? Did you need my help with something? Yeah, I do.

I just- you know, we- we want to have a little talk with the Wild Nogs, and, uh, last time we saw them, it didn't end very well between us. Mm-hmm. Mostly their fault. Yeah, definitely their fault, which made me don't mention that part. But just so that you know, it was their fault. Quick flashback to a cutscene of us pissing all over their bike. Yeah. Getting beaten up. Pushing over all their terrains and shit. So anyway, like, they- they wronged us, Seamus. Mm-hmm. Um, but we've forgiven them.

And we're wondering- and we're just wondering, like, I know you are kind of, like, on- on- you guys are on good terms, better terms than we are. Do you think you could call them up and say, hey, the Cool Treat kids, they want to have a little meeting? Yeah, we have something we want to- we want to- Offer them. Yeah. We have a deal for them. Yeah. Something that can get them back in the good graces of the knock-hugs.

All right, I'll, uh, I'll see what I can do, and I'll send you a message, uh, as soon as I've got a date set. Not a date, like, as soon as possible. Ooh! And then, frankly, he does the finger-crossing thing. Ooh! Ooh! When Fent- when you do the finger-crossing thing, Fenton goes- I'm sorry. Yeah. The lamest possible van. The lamest possible van. We gotta be really careful with that movement now. My God, I'm sorry. It's a reaction. No, it's okay. This kid. It's too much sometimes.

It's just regular water. Cut to brushing his teeth. I can't brush my teeth. It's holy water. It's just a mirror, Fenton. You can see yourself. I can't see. I just see a toothbrush. Not brushing teeth. I just meant, I can't see myself at all. And then wiping something off his eye. At all. There's been a change of leadership in the Wild Nogs. They're led by a really cool kid named Alan. So I'll try and contact Alan and see if they are interested in meeting with you. It's pronounced Alan, actually.

Alan. His last name's Tim. Alan Tim. Alan Tim. Yeah, we'll talk to him and I'll get back to you soon. Now I have to go have more diarrhea. I believe you. Good, because it's the truth. Yeah. I have no reason to question. That. Okay, gonna go poop now. Okay. Clunk. What a normal conversation that was. I'm gonna find out what he's hiding from me. One second, I just have to write in my diary. So Clover does that. She spends five furious minutes scribbling in her diary.

She keeps punching through the page. Her pencil is writing so hard. Let's get a couple seconds of what she's writing. Dear diary. Dear diary. Dear diary. Dear diary. Dear diary. Dear diary. Dear diary. Dear diary. I am so mad, because I know Seamus is lying to me. He said I have diarrhea. I know he didn't have diarrhea. Seamus never has diarrhea. He has a way better immune system and gut health than I do. I am the one with IBS, because I eat too much fiber.

I am the one with IBS, because I eat too much fiber. Seamus, if I find out what you were hiding from me, and if that thing that you're hiding from me is a girl, I am going to break up with you and also punch you in the face. I am so mad. And I underline it. And then cut to three minutes later when the anger has just turned into absolute sorrow. What does he see in that girl? What does she have that I don't have? I look so good, especially when I wear my blonde wig.

That's what Fenton and Franklin say. And I've been working on myself, dear diary. And I'm a real woman now. Like, there's no one cooler than me. And three minutes later when she's kind of hopeful about the future. You know, maybe this is just a rough patch. And Seamus and I have gone through way worse stuff. You know, there's been a lot of things that I've been working on. And really, the most important thing is I treat myself well and I follow my instincts. Back to rage.

And what my instinct is, is I know that she is a lie to me. I will get my revenge! Cut to outside this room where we're waiting. How long do you think? I don't know. She said she was having her period right now, so this could be forever. And then Seamus' voice comes through the pipe. Yeah. They've agreed to meet. Alain has agreed to meet with you at 2 p.m. 2 p.m. All right. Wait, no. Sorry, he just said he's got volleyball practice. He has to push it back to 4.30 p.m. 4.30. Okay, that's fine.

Tell him we'll meet him. At the volleyball court. At the volleyball court. At the volleyball. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. After practice. All right. Good. Good idea. He'll be sweaty and tired and ready to be manipulated. Yeah. So glistening. Okay. Should I be there to mediate the meeting?

What do you think, boys? I think it would be good to have a little bit of muscle on our side. All right. Because if this guy's playing volleyball, he's going to be in tight shorts. And we can't handle that. You know, that business is going to be too much for us. All right. Seamus, we'll see you there then. All right. I'll see you there at 4.30 p.m. At the volleyball courts. All right. I'll bring you some electrolytes. Thank you. I need them to replenish after all my diarrhea. Mm-hmm. You said.

Okay. Bye. Bye. Saying diarrhea so much has kind of lost all meaning. I know. Which is crazy because, like, you have diarrhea every morning. I know. I'm so intimately familiar with it. And despite that, there was so much diarrhea talking in that conversation. That word kind of, like, doesn't even mean anything anymore to me. He's on the toilet, as he says. Dear diarrhea. I give you the pill. I give you the pill. I give you the pill. I give you the pill. I give you the pill. I give you the pill.

I give you the pill. I give you the pill.

Hey there fenty fenty beasley here uh a guy gave me six spare bucks to break into the pa system for the mall and play this bottle full ads for you so get ready here it comes aroma aroma flavors flavors style style plates plates tired of the same old breakfast breakfast come on down come to designer breakfast for designer women you see you there in the esterland food court hey everyone this is ken and adam from the lured up podcast if you're a fan of gaming and geek culture we've got something for you to check out our show lured up dives deep into the world of pokemon go offering critical gameplay coverage plus exclusive insights straight from niantic we bring the community together on our weekly podcast live streams in our discord and of course out there on the game board irl our goal is to create positive content that has its finger on the pulse of the pokemon go fandom if it's happening in pokemon go it's happening on lured up subscribe now at lured up.com and listen while you play all right that was all the ads that were in the bottle I think unless I fucked it up somehow nothing played anyway he gave me six beer bucks so jokes on that loser bye you!

Okay so are you guys just meeting him at the volleyball court so you said you wanted to talk to the hubbirstone twins potentially oh shit yeah should we stop at the arcade to talk to the hubbirstone twins good idea mm-hmm franklin got geared up too just in case shit goes south okay so is that is that you choosing your load out for this yeah I'm choosing my load I'll choose a heavy heavy one heavy okay so that means that when people see you they're gonna be like what's he doing there's a lot of stuff on that kid's back okay so you got like a backpack and like a bunch of weapons and stuff yeah okay of candy.

Tactical boots. Yeah. Can we put the dark chocolate in it? Because I don't trust leaving this anywhere else. Oh yeah, no, this is always with us. And I took a little bit of it and smeared it under my eyes. Like, that's like a thousand dollars worth of dark chocolate. Why don't you just use the leftover chocolate from the wrappers? I don't know, it's not as dark. Look, it doesn't look so menacing. We look at him and it's just like It's eating us. The air is just quivering. It is menacing.

The chocolate's so dark, it's like absorbing light. It's like Vantablack chocolate. Yeah, every time we open it, we hear like Yeah. We keep the bag sit shut because it's too dark. It's like the orcs chanting in Lord of the Rings. Totally, yeah. Because I mean, yeah, it was dark. It seemed maybe one way in the candy factory because you were so engrossed in that environment, but it was one, crusted around that tube forever, and two, soaking in magic. Right, yeah. Forever.

Also, this is what little kids think of actual dark chocolate. It's just horrid. Yeah. Dark chocolate. Okay, great. So how are you getting to the chocolate factory? We haven't rolled engagement yet, so we're just kind of fucking around right now, but like, you guys are wanted. I think we have to stealth. Yeah. Can disguises maybe? Yeah. Okay, so I have a heavy load so we can disguise ourselves as campers. Oh. No? That's Penusians. Yeah. Oh, Penusians. Campers. Okay. A.K.A. On Walkabout.

So we put on a lot of Borbo's clothes. Yeah. Because he's got like that sort of Penusian vibe. Totally, yeah. Lots of like tatters and mesh half shirts. Yeah. Crop tops. Yeah. A lot of those kinds of like tank tops that is like, it's just made out of like string. It's like… It goes so low. It loops so low. It's basically just like a belt with two straps over it. Totally. Yeah. Regrettable stick and poke tattoos from Fireside like late nights. Totally. So we like Sharpie.

So we have like fake stick and pokes on. I've put my hair in treads. How'd you do that? It's a lot of like mayonnaise and shit just in your hair. There's so much yogurt face. Thick nerds. Greg is looking through his fridge like, where'd all my mayonnaise go? I'm trying to make a ham sandwich. I just bought more mayonnaise. I know it. I had so much. I was so excited about my mayonnaise.

You see Fenton in the background both smearing it on his face to make himself look more like a vampire and in his hair to give himself dread. Oh, I was so excited about my mayonnaise. It's gonna make my ham sandwich so slick and delicious. I must have bought it in a different plane. And then Fenton tries to leave the room but his hand keeps slipping on the doorknob because he's too mayoed up. He's too mayoed. Alright, so you guys are walking through the mall as… Panusian campers. Yeah.

And you leave the tunnels. Clover, the first time it feels like in forever you're getting sunlight through the skylights. It almost stings. Yeah, me too. That's why I'm wearing these sunglasses. Yeah. I've got my sunglasses on too but they're the ones that have the shades. Shutter shade. Franklin's not wearing sunglasses but he has a spray tan and he puts sunglasses on to put the spray tan on so he has anti-sunglasses on. Reverse glasses. Yeah. Looks like such a cool surfer, dude.

Yeah, well I've been in the sun for a long time, mate. You sound so cool. You guys all gotta try and do an Australian accent. I'll go an Australian accent as well. Alright, you shouldn't talk that much, I think. I won't talk at all. Just me and Gringo over here. Gringo. Grangles. Gringles. Grangles. Grangles Fetch and Lucy McGee. Lucy. L-O-O-S-E-Y. I imagine you guys are walking through like just talking to everybody you see like, hello, we're normal Panasians. We're here on a work visa.

We're trying to get our walkabouts in between before we turn 35. We heard there's great snowboarding here and we work at every coffee. We shop in town. This is my foster's brother. What? We all worked in the same brewery as young boys making foster's beer. Allow me to be effortlessly charming in front of your hot girlfriend. This happened to Abdul. I will steal your wife. There are a lot of Australians in Western Canada. To all of our Australian listeners, we love you so much. We are sorry.

The most intense bros from your country come to Canada to work on the West Coast. And steal our girlfriends. So what? You chucked it in the dumper. Nobody cares, bro. Anyway, so that's how we get through the mall. Yeah, so are we doing a group action? Because that's the only way that we're getting through. Yeah, we're going to do a group action. Group action. Great. So we know how group actions work. Of course. Might as well say something to remind us. Everybody rolls the same action. Okay.

So if you're rolling consort, everybody's rolling consort. So if I have one in resolve and one consort, I roll two? Two dice, yeah. And if you fail, then the leader of the group action takes one stress. Okay. Which I assume is Fenton. Yes. And I have no stress because of my drama. Yeah. I got a three and a one. I got a six and two ones. I got a six. Crit! That is a crit. Jessica, did you fail? Do I need to take stress? I got a three and a one. So yes. You need to take one stress at least.

And that makes sense. So for some reason, Clover's Panusian accent is not quite cutting the mustard. What? You're not from Panusia. You're from New Pagisland. New Pagisland. Totally. That's where I'm from. Yeah, you run into a Panusian kid on the way who's like, no way. I can't believe it's my fucking countryman. How the hell are you? Oh, great. It's so good to see you. My name is Erwin. My name is Erwin. Oh, nice to meet you, Erwin. Oh, no way. I'm Erwin too. No way. Nice to meet you, Erwin.

I'm Erwina. Erwina? Erwina's my sister's name. My mother's name's Erwina. Her sister's name's Erwina. Nice to meet you. I can't quite place your accent, Erwina. I've been all over. I've been all over the world. It's so Irish now. I was born in New Panusia. New Panusia? Yes. From the colonies? Yes. Wow. Yeah. And then I moved all over the principalities. And Fenton and Franklin are glaring at me. Do a better job. I don't know what they sound like. I give you the give or give.

I give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give where we talk about the fact that, you know, us Panusians, we love information, so we travel around the world discovering things and we pass them back to the elders in Panusia.

Yeah. We all know that, right? Yeah. That's why they need all the information and all the girlfriends. And all the best snowboarding spots. Yeah. That's where information travels in this world. Yep. Snowboarding to snowboarding. All right. Well, I mean, I'd love to meet up with you for some food. What are you doing right now? I mean, we're pretty busy. We've got a bus to catch. And then I lean into Erwin and I'm like, and Erwina has her red tide visiting.

How many times are you going to mention periods in this? She said she was on a period when we started. So we are finding a couple. It's a comfortable place for her to drown the red snake, if you will. Wow. I think I understand what you're saying. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. All right. Well, I won't keep you. Thank you. It's been a pleasure. You sure got funny accents in new Panusia.

And as we always say in great leaving each other in Panusia, Franklin's like, why am I, why, why am I doing it? Why am I introducing a thing? Wait, wait. Yeah. And as we always say to each other, we always say at the same time, right, everybody, we always say when we leave a friend that you haven't met before. Is this a new Panusian thing? I'm not familiar. Oh, no. We always say it, right? Say it. Erwin. A kiss a day keeps the doctor away. All right. A kiss a day keeps the doctor away.

And he leans forward and he gives each a kiss on the cheek. Mwah, mwah, and mwah. All right. Well, this was grand. Yes. Sit. That's better. Okay. Bye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Great to meet a fellow Panusian kid. You can stop talking. I will never talk again. And you brought down the whole operation. I'm so sorry. You did pretty good. And you, uh, you make it through the rest of the mall, uh, blissfully unaccosted. We start, we stop strutting and talking to so many people.

We just start like shuffling with our heads. Walking really fast. My mouth hurts from talking like that. For all of the things that Clover is so good at. She's so fucking bad at accents. Yeah. I love it. Uh, okay. You guys make it to the Hoverstone twins arcade. Okay. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. There's kids playing, uh, skee ball and darts and ring toss. Yeah. Wacken elf. There's actually a new machine that a bunch of kids are gathered around.

That's got like two kids and it has a joystick and buttons. And they're like really hammering on. They're like hammering on the joystick and buttons. Oh. And if you look, it's like a big cabinet and inside the cabinet is two elves. Elves. Punching the shit out of each other. Jeez. Going like, Hadouken, Hadouken. Wow. Rock'em Sock'em Elves. Yeah. But it's just fake, right? I don't want the elves to be hurt. It's very much like stage combat. Cool. Yeah. They're like, uh, uh, uh.

When they get hit, they like really exaggeratedly fall back. My wife's name's Susan. And the Hoverstone twins are off to the side watching. The Hoverstone twins are in the, are behind. Yeah. That's where the, um, the prizes are. Oh, behind the counter. Yeah. They're working behind the counter and people give them too much money and they'll give them like a tiny little prize. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, hi. Hello. Hi there. I have come to you requesting some information. Oh my God.

It's the, it's you three. Oh yeah. Sorry. I know. That is a very impressive disguise. Yeah. That's a very impressive disguise. Thank you. Yeah. We worked pretty hard on it actually. It's just Borbo's clothes. It's very impressive. If you hadn't spoken, I wouldn't have known that it was you. And then Fenton leans into like the girl one and he's like, hello there, Les. It'd be nice to, if you and I were going to go have a little jump on a trampoline later or something. Whoa. Hmm. Fenton.

She kind of looks down her nose at you. Most impressive. So what is it you require from us, the Hoverstone twins? Well, I'm a little bit more of a, I'm a little bit more of a, I'm a little bit more of a, I'm a little bit more of a, I'm a little bit more of a, I'm a little bit more of a, I'm a little bit more a, I need your help about Seamus. He wasn't at the party the other night. No, he was not. No, he wasn't. And then when I talked to him on the phone today, he blamed it on diarrhea.

Have you heard that he has diarrhea? I have heard such things. We as a unit have heard that he had the Rhea, but it's just a little suspicious, you know, like for one, he doesn't really ever get diarrhea and no one has diarrhea for like 16 hours straight for sure. Especially not a hot meat boy. No. Stomachs are ironclad. Truly, a good stomach is a requirement to even join the gang. So I know he's lying to me. He's keeping something from me. What do you offer in exchange for this information?

Oh, shit, what do we offer? Um, a candy weapon? That's not a bad idea. I'll show you the bounciest trampoline, lad. Wink, I wink. He winks. Try it. Just to be clear, you are nine years old, right? On whatever age gets me, I will ask the accent. All right, I think I'm done dealing with this one. Okay. All right, so you do not want the date. Okay, we'll come up with something else. What do we have? We ain't got a big load here. Got a big load. You can have a piece of my big load.

You name it, it's yours. All right, so we open the huge backpack full of our candy weapons. Transpowder. What if we get my tiny piece of dark chocolate? This is worth… Do they care much about dark chocolate? It's worth a lot of money. I didn't need to whisper that. So we close up the weapons bag, and then we open up the dark chocolate bag. And you hear… You smell that? Yes. What is that enchanting aroma? This is the elusive dark chocolate that the wine mums have been after. Shh. Shh.

Keep it on the down low. It's okay. It's impossible to hear anything in this place. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. To a wine, and it's just like… It actually makes it the perfect place to meet, because you can't hear anything. Sorry, what? This is the dark chocolate. Okay, all right. All right. All right. Cut us off. Peace. All right, so I cut them off, just like a little nugget. Mm-hmm. Oh. There you go.

And one of the Hoverstone twins takes out a pinchers, like a tweezers, and picks it up, and the other Hoverstone twin puts a jeweler's loop up to her eye and holds it in front and goes, this is perhaps the dankest chocolate I have ever laid mine eyes upon. Very well. So, during the time of the party, our informants have told us that Seamus's whereabouts are unaccounted for. What? Even you don't know? Even we do not know where he was at this time.

What we do know is that when Seamus disappeared, he was not in the accompaniment of any other children. Wait, like, was he seen with an adult? He was. Which adult? It may have been a member of security, but we can't be sure. What? Are you serious? Are you serious? This is worse than if he has another girlfriend. That's all we know. That is all we can offer you at this time, but we will gain more information. Yes, please do.

And in exchange for this dankest of dark chocolate, we will provide you with anything that we find. Okay. We appreciate that. Do not eat that. I don't think that I could if I would. Also, I'm a vampire now. Just spread that around. They turn away and go back to their business. I feel like you should just let people know that I'm a vampire because it's unsafe for people to be around me sometimes. We have to grab. Fenton by the collar. I can't be in the satellite too long or else I get burned.

I do hunger for your blood and I will drain you. I'll suck you dry if you don't. Fenton, you got to stop telling people you're going to suck them dry. It kind of has a different meaning when you're a little older. It didn't work before you were a vampire and it doesn't work now. People do not like hearing that. I'm going to make you so dry, dude. Okay. Then now you've got that information. Seamus was seen in the accompaniment of somebody that was potentially from mall security. Holy shit.

But that his whereabouts were unaccounted. What if he's working for them? What if they're holding him hostage? There's no way. No way Seamus would break. He's the toughest, strongest, hottest kid I've ever met. Well, you're about to go meet him. So can't wait to feast my eyes on that little buff boy. What is going on? I can't wait to sink my teeth into talking to that guy. I think Fenton's aware. The vampires are supposed to be kind of sexual. Right. All the fan fiction that he used to write.

Oh no, we've gotten to that part of the vampires. Oh God. It's just like the awkward kid sex ideas. Twilight and Anne Rice. Oh God. Okay. So we're doing a social thing. We know the social connection is Seamus. Seamus has set this meet up for you. Now it's time to everybody decide their loadouts. We know that Franklin has taken a heavy loadout. Light. Light. Medium. Medium. Medium. Okay. So yeah, Fenton is light and maneuverable. Clover is definitely like, people are like, she's working, I guess.

She's got like bags and stuff. I look like I'm going on a substantial hike. Yeah, exactly. And Franklin looks like he is the hike. Like he is loaded to bear. Can't even see his face. Yeah. There's so much stuff piled up. He's like got goggles, like a bike helmet. I look like a transformer. Packing everything into these robots. Like this is going to like, cool. Cool. Perfect. So you arrive at the volleyball courts and we've never seen the volleyball courts before.

So what are we talking about when we say volleyball courts? Like full sand has been brought into the mall. It's on the edge of the giant wading pool. Oh, we're going back to crystal pool. It's in the crystal pool. Yeah. And it's like, there's a huge wave pool that like it. Laps at its shores. Laps at its shores. It's got like a natural sandy beach. Oh, that's part of volleyball. Because once in a while, rogue wave comes and takes out your back line. Oh yeah. Smart.

And if I remember correctly, you kids were banned from the crystal pool. Yeah. But we're waiting outside. Yeah. Oh, I see. Also, we're not the cool treat kids. Oh. We're Erwin, Erwin, and Erwina. Right. They can't tell who we are. So, well, yeah. So you get to the ticket booth and there's like a guy in like an enclosed desk area and you see all these drawings behind him that is like banned for life. And there's like pictures of us. Yeah. There's pictures of you three.

And then there's pictures of Greg is up there. Borbo's up there for sure. But then crossed out. And then a new picture of Borbo right next to it. And a handful of other kids that you recognize. That's from an incident where Borbo got so mad he leapt over the counter, grabbed his picture and ran away. And the guy like leans forward. He has a name tag that says Keith. Hello. G'day, mate. Hmm. Three tickets, I suppose. Yeah. Do you take Penusian? No, only Spearbucks. Oh.

And he's really squinting hard. I'm sure. I think I have some of your local currency right here. You kids look familiar. Hmm. Can I roll a sway to get him to like not think that we're. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Sorry. I should roll it back. Because if we're trying to. If part of the job is getting into the crystal pool to do this meet, we should be doing the engagement roll. Okay. You start with one die for sheer luck. And then we modify it based on these questions.

Is this operation particularly bold or daring? Bold. Is it? There's a picture of us behind his head. Yeah, we are. Right. Definitely banned. Okay. Yep. So you get a plus one for that. Does this plan's detail expose a vulnerability of the target or hit them where they're weakest? No. No. Is the target. Because this engagement is actually against the. The hog nogs, right? Yeah. Or the wild nogs to get them on our side so we can use their bikes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I think how I'm envisioning it is like getting to the heavy petting zoo and getting the milk is like not the problem. Okay. Like you basically just need these guys on your side and then we can kind of play out the you going to get the cream and stuff. But it's not like putting on your pith hat and diving into the jungle to get this milk. Right. Is the target strongest against this approach or do they have particular defenses or special preparations? Nope. Nope.

Can any of your friends or contacts provide aid or insight for this operation? Oh, yeah. Seamus is helping us. Okay. Plus one. Are there any enemies or rivals interfering in this operation? Crystal pool trying to keep us out of administration. And also the wine moms are actively looking for us. Right. So take one away for that. Back to two. So we're rolling two dice for the engagement roll. Is that two just for the whole group? Yeah. Two for the whole group. Okay. So who's rolling?

Clover, you do it. Do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Six and a one. Okay. Six. That means that you get through the first obstacle. You're in a controlled position and bypass the first obstacle, which is Keith at the front desk. Oh, sick. Going like, hmm. I just adore Panusian culture. I'm so glad to meet. Thank you so much for coming. I will say that we will require you to shower off some of that mayonnaise if you want to use any of the pool facilities. But thank you so much for coming.

I hope you have a great. You know what? It's on the house. Kids. It's on the house. Oh, yeah. Thanks, mate. Yeah. Yeah. A real. Oh, shit. What happened to your mayonnaise dripping into his eyes? You're a real. Hey, I'm from Australia. What happened? Hold on. Do an Australian accent, Paul. I'm from Australia. Okay. I'm trying to do an Australian accent. I'm from Australia. Okay. I'm from Australia. There you go. Good enough. Hello. Hello. I'm not. I'm just not going to talk for the.

The rest of the scene. All right. Thank you. And then Clover shuts up. And Keith nods you all through and punches three tickets. Choke, choke, choke. Oh, my God. Come out a little thing at the front of the desk, letting you into the crystal pool. And you go in and it's like the waves are lapping. The water slides tower above you. It's soaring through the air. It's been a while since we've been in here. Yeah. Man, it's so fun in here. People milling about screams of joy. Yeah.

I kind of regret being banned. Yeah, I know. It's such a fun place. It's worth it at the time. Flashback to me having diarrhea in the pool. And far on the other side of the wave pool, you see a volleyball court of a beautiful sandy beach. And there's bleachers. Yeah. And it seems like a crowd is gathered around this volleyball practice. Yeah. People are like, ah, yeah. Slam, slam. Athleticism on display. Kids leaping into the air. Yeah. Spiking balls.

Just like it seems to be like the 14-year-old boy rec league kind of thing. Totally, yeah. Yeah. But they're really getting into it. And from the crystal pool, you hear, highway to the danger zone. And you hear, ah, let, ah, let, ah, let. Whoa. And there's a kid with his arms up in the air. Everybody's cheering him on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the thing where he puts his hands to his ears to get the crowd to cheer more. And the crowd go, yeah.

And the crowd go, yeah. Describe this guy to us. He is probably on the older side of 14, closer to 15. Long, lean muscle, dark skin, short hair, little bit of facial hair. Whoa. Yeah. Pretty cut. He's got like a tank top on and those like red athletic shorts with the stripes on the side. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And, uh. He rips his shirt off. Yeah. Crowd gives him a good go. Yeah. And he's just shredded, like 14-year-old shredded. It's not because he's super fit.

It's just because his body doesn't put fat on yet. And yeah, he's just there and people are loving it. Is Seamus there yet? Seamus is standing in the shade next to one of the bleachers. And he waves you over. Shuffle over there. Yeah. Hi. Hi, Seamus. How are you feeling? Oh, you know, I sort of got that post-diarrhea feeling. Hmm. Where because of all the pooping I've been doing, my body feels bad. Right. Yeah. You can tell. You look like shit. Okay. Paler than usual, honestly.

That tracks, I suppose, with… Yeah, that makes sense. Your eyes are sunken and your lips are all cracked. Okay. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You've got like a weird kind of sheen to your skin. Yeah, I totally do. Yeah. You smell weird. Yeah, you smell bad. You smell really bad. Are you sure there's not a bunch of poop still on you? No, no. It's just it's all the sweat and oil from how shitty I've been feeling.

You got to take care of yourself, dude, because, like, at this rate, that kid's going to overtake you as the most scrumptious thing I've ever seen. I planted a lamp. Okay. All right. I think we've all made it quite clear that I don't look great right now. Yeah, we're just concerned for you, Seamus. I appreciate that. I do. Because I'm feeling so… I'm so sick. Oh, that's too bad.

You really should have called me, and I could have, like, sent over some chicken noodle soup or underripe bananas or toast, you know, stuff that people eat when they have diarrhea. Oh, it was a sudden… It was a sudden illness, and now I'm feeling a bit better, so thank you, Clover. I really appreciate that. No problem. Anyway, so are you ready to meet with the wild nogs after the practice? Yes. Yes. Yes. But we want to be in a controlled position, so let us set up in a way that we look…

Fucking awesome. Okay. Okay. Then he goes, all right, let me take you over to… And where does he take you to where you guys are going to meet, and how do you set up? Under the bleachers. Yeah, totally. Oh, he's here? Nice. So you guys are under the bleachers, and… There's so many corn dogs down here. There's a lot of, like, peanut shells and stuff all over the place. Two older kids making out. Get out of here. They both squeal and run away. I pull my cane sword. Get out of here.

Oh, vampires. And, yeah, you have some time to set this place up to be at, like, what you want it to be when the meet happens. I'm going to set up my load as a candy store. So, like, disguise it as, like, an underground candy store. That's right. Then I'm ready to go if anything pops off. Gotcha. Oh, so you're getting all your shit out. Yeah, setting it up in displays. Yes. Okay, so when they come down here, they're going to find a pop-up shop? Yeah.

Ooh, maybe one of those, like, hanging things from baseball games? Yes. Like, it's around your neck? And then you've got… Oh, cigarettes! Yeah. But then you can just grab your candy, like, knuckles or whatever? Yeah, this thing turns into nunchucks. Oh, yeah. Pepperoni nunchucks. Great. What's House Fenton setting up? Oh, in the shadows, naturally. It's all shadows under here. In the shadows where I live and where I thrive. Yeah, but I'm down there, and I am fucking… I got my…

I put a second pair of vampire teeth in. You can't even close your mouth. I'm drooling out of the corners of his mouth. It's so scary. Come for me, Alann. I brought the, like, velvet sort of tent fabric that I used for reading fortunes, and I've sort of draped that around so that Fenton has a dark, shadowy lair to hang on to. Yeah. You're welcome. And is that how Clover's setting up, or does she have her own preparations? That's basically how she's setting up.

She's setting up the velvet situation. The shade tent. Frank Fim brought a music model of Vampire of the Opera. Nice. Nice. Cool. Kind of a cool vibe. Oh, you should start smoking. Oh, yeah. You start smoking. Oh. Stressed out, but it's also for vibes. I want to make it, like, kind of, like, foggy in here. Yeah. It cuts to the other side of the bleachers, and smoke starts pouring out. There's a bunch of people on top going, like, what is that?

It's kind of good, actually, because then they clear the area, and they won't get to hear us. Oh, yeah. So you guys are waiting for about 15, 20 minutes as the game ends. Yeah. Just hot. Hot boxing. Yeah. Hot boxing clove smoke. It smells so bad down here. God, we're turning into such bad kids. It's so quickly. It's great. Right. You guys are trying. I forget. Didn't we talk about, like, is your reputation changing to, like, the bad kids? I think it might be. Yeah. Because we're smoking. Yeah.

It's definitely an intense vibe for a lot of kids. Oh, yeah. We're all covered in tattoos now, too. Yeah. Oh, shit. I think that we have all these stick and pokes. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. And real bad kid vibes. Uh-huh. I put a neck tattoo of, like, a chain. Like, what's it called? Those barbed wire tattoos. Barbed wire neck tattoos. Uh-huh.

I thought you were going to say you put a thing that says, blood goes in here and then arrows pointing to the moon. Also that. Yes. Hilarious. Yeah. What a lame tattoo for a vampire to have. Blood goes in here and the arrows so long. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It circumnavigates your whole face. Okay. About 15, 20 minutes later, you hear a raucous cheer. Everybody cheering for the wild nogs. Everybody cheering for a land Tim. And people start clearing out.

You're like, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. You know, stuff's falling down like food wrappers and shit are raining from the sky. And then sweating with, like, a towel around his neck, a land Tim enters with some wild nogs behind him, a couple of his boys. Would you like a drink? What do you got? I got to replenish my fluids. I got blue Gatorade. I got red Gatorade. Your choice. And we have, if I can take some, put some together, purple Gatorade. I like your style. He reaches out.

He takes a purple Gatorade. So I understand that you had some dealings with my predecessor, but unfortunately he had to go to summer school. So I'm in charge now. So sorry to hear that. You know, then he kisses his fingers and points up to the sky. We all do that. We lost a real one. But, you know, now we got a change in leadership and a change in business dealing.

So, you know, I'm thinking maybe in the ways that my predecessor was a little more restrictive, maybe I'm thinking about opening things up. So I understand you got some business. Yeah, we also have the display. I want to show you what we bring to the table. He does, like, a real quick cata sort of thing with all the things. Really quick. Like, pulls out the knuckles. Does a little shadow boxing. Transporter. Poof. Disappears like Batman. Does all this stuff. Lights out licorice.

And that's his final move is that he eats and falls and passes right out. Boom. He's gone. Okay, we probably shouldn't have done that. But we got possibly a mutually beneficial deal to offer. Yeah. What's your opinion on cream? Positive. We know a place where you can get a lot of it. Is that so? Yeah. And this is outside the normal channels. Straight from the source. Franklin says from the ground. We need a little assistance getting goat's milk from the heavy petting suit.

And we're wondering if we could partner up together in sort of like a business arrangement. We milk the goats. You transport the cream. And we split. 70-30. Yeah. 70-30. All right. You get 70. Yeah. Good call. Well, that actually doesn't sound as good anymore. We got to climb the stairs. Steps. How about 70-70? That's not the math. Step, even, shift. All right. What we're going to do is… Okay, fine. You got it. 70-70 it is. But, Lance, I'm starting a clock. I'm going to make it eight segments.

Whoa. Holy shit. The job is convincing. That's what we're doing, right? Yeah. Once they're convinced, then you can get your cream and it can be transported. Mm-hmm. So, first we're talking 30-70. Okay. Who's trying to convince him of the basics of the deal? I brought Greg's planning board. Mm-hmm. So, you've set up a whiteboard. So, I've set up the whiteboard. Uh-huh. And I'm doing the math. 70 plus 30 equals 100. And then I'm drawing the fat goat. Uh-huh. And pointing at the udder.

And I say, heavy cream. Yeah. In the drawing, the goat's boobs look like a person boobs. Yeah, we… Interesting. I do like drawings of boobs. All right. So, he's convinced already. He's like, that should count. He likes the boob drawings. You gotta roll. You gotta roll. How much do I roll? What are you rolling? What action do you think you're using in this moment? I mean, what about finesse? Like, because it's such a good drawing of boobs. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that would work.

And also, you're finessing the social situation. Yeah. You're not using the math. You're using the, like, his, like… His teenage hormones. Hormones, yeah. Yeah. So, I'm pointing at the boobs, which I put a lot of detail into them. And we're talking about, like, the cream. Yeah. I also pull my tank top a little lower. I don't have boobs. But Seamus is just like, what the fuck? What is going on? So, maybe you did a stick and poke of just a straight line.

I'm really, like, pushing my non-existent boobs together while I pose. And the drawing's so good that both Fenton and Franklin are like, what? Yeah. So, with finesse, it would have been risky limited. Okay. Because instead of telling him about the deal, you're drawing a picture. But because you've introduced this boob angle, it is now risky standard. Okay. I can sense the boob angle might be coming into most of our shows right now. So sorry, everyone. One and six. Six. So, that's a six.

Fuck yeah. That's a really good drawing. Fuck yes. Seasons every time. Which means that you fill in two segments of this eight-segment clock. Which means… Which means that we are a quarter of the way to convincing a lamb. Yeah. And he swirls his purple Gatorade, looking at the boob drawing for a long time. And goes, nice. 30-70 sounds… I don't know. Maybe we can talk numbers a little bit.

But look, when it comes to transporting illicit heavy cream through the mall, my boys are going to be the ones taking most of the risk. You know what I mean? And I say boys in a general sense, but we do have some girls now. Oh, cool. Yeah. You really opened it up. Pretty cool. My predecessor, he tended to say boys in a more, like, limiting sense. You know what I mean? But when you say it, it has a Z, which includes everybody. Exactly. So, what are some assurances that I've got here?

That if anyone, any of the wild nogs come into trouble, that we're going to be protected? Well, here's the thing. You guys are a little worried about protection because you're on outs with the nog hogs. And the cream that comes… The cream that comes out of the heavy petting zoo is so thick that the nog hogs would be aching for it. That's true. It would be the perfect base for the next batch of nog. You know when you milk a cow and you got to skim that good old cream off the top? Mm-hmm.

All of it is that. All of it's that. You get back into their good graces. You don't have to skim anything. Whereas before you had a vat of milk that you could use, a liter of cream will do. Mm-hmm. Plus, you'll have protection. I offer all these weapons and my great finesse to guard your boys on the road. Do you have a sample of this cream? Not yet. Hmm. Okay. So, is this a roll that someone's making? I was going to make an insight roll because I have a study. Mm-hmm.

So, I can intuit that the value of the cream to them is way higher because I know that it would be super valuable to the nog hogs. Mm-hmm. So, then the wild nogs would repair… …that relationship. So, even though they're only getting 30%, it's 30% of such a valuable thing that it would mean totally different operations for them. So, yeah. Desperate, but great if you succeed. Okay. Here we go. Six is non-stop. Six. Six. Two sixes and a four. Two sixes and a four. Two sixes. Wow. Okay.

Surely, that's like a full wheel now. Full clock. No, that's that. You got three ticks left. Oh. But you filled like five of an eight tick clock. Nice. Yeah. All right. Franklin's your turn. Yeah. So, he's going to try and convince them that like he'll help them on Fury Road style. Mm-hmm. He'll guard them with all his gear. Yeah. And then puts on a display. Mm-hmm. Yeah. When you explain the cream in great detail. Yeah. You can see him like nodding a lot and going, hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

And looking at the boob drawing and going… Hmm. This meeting is like three times as long as it would have been otherwise because he's like… So, every once in a while, everyone but Clover is just like staring at the drawing. Yeah. Huh. Uh-huh. And Clover gets caught looking at the drawing. You know when? One day. One day, I'm going to have some of those. Aspirational. I'll get all this attention one day. Looking at a picture of a goat with human boobs and going, one day. That's legit.

One day. That's what small Jessica used to think about. One day, I'll have boobs. Yeah. I can't wait. I still can't wait. I literally cannot wait any longer. I am 33 and I still don't. Okay. So, you're convincing them that your protection will be me. Yeah. I will keep you safe. Yes. So, you're saying that you will go on the ride with them? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Again, risky standard to begin with. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But I think because of…

Of the stuff that you brought in your display, it's probably controlled. Okay. Controlled standard. Great. Yeah. Is there any way we can bump it up to great effect? Because that would give us three. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What if I do like a fortune telling? Yeah, you could do that. To say like how it'll go. Yeah. Yeah. Because everyone thinks you're spooky weird too. That's true. That is. Exactly. Yeah. Alain, I'm sure you've heard tales of my own powers. Yeah, I've heard a thing or two.

Do you believe me? Do you believe? I don't know. Seems kind of far-fetched if I'm being honest. And just because, you know, you dress all spooky and you smoke closed cigarettes. Let me show you. All right. All right. Clover sets up her deck of tarot cards. Oh, yeah. Or should she do palm reading? I should do palm reading. I think it makes it because then it doesn't require a thing. Yeah. Oh, then you can touch him too. Oh, Fenton. Why would I want to touch him? Are you? Oh, read his palm.

Fenton's got such. Have you fucking seen this kid? Fenton gets like really close. He's like pressed up against me. Yeah. Such an intense crush on this kid that he's just met. So I grab Alain's palm and I start reading. And I want to like say stuff about him that I wouldn't know. Can I do that? Yeah, you can. Yeah. Do I roll for it or? You definitely roll for it. Yeah. So I'm going to use a tune. So yeah, that's two dice. And I have whisper and ritualist.

So ritualist, you can study occult rituals to manifest supernatural effects. So this would be study instead of a tune if you wanted to use ritual. All right. So I'll do that then. Okay. So this is like actually Clover connecting to like something. Yeah. Yeah. You don't do this often. All the drugs that you've done. Clothes that I've smoked. Right. There's stuff in the clothes. You got one of his DMT clothes. Oh. They're mixed up. You got to dream the light fantastic or whatever. Oh. Twos. Twos.

Can I do something to like fix that? Devil's bargain. Yeah. Yeah. I'll go do that. Okay. So what's the devil's bargain? What's the bad thing that happens? I think Clover has taken something that like. And I'm kind of high. You're tripping bad. Yeah. Like I'm starting to like hallucinate a bit. I'm like, whoa. Totally. Yeah. Definitely. So then you roll one more die basically. Please. Yeah. Yeah. This is going to, the bad thing happens no matter what. Yes. Yes. Yes. Please. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Fuck my life. Okay. All right. So. That would have been so cool if it worked. I know. I hate this. We had non-stop successes. Is there anything else I can do? It'll be cool too. Oh, wait, no. You can, I never remember this. We can, you have armor that you can use. You can resist consequences. Yeah. I want to do whatever I can. Whatever I can to make this work.

So when you roll a partial success or a failure, you can resist the consequence either through quick reflexes, quick reflexes, sharp wit, endurance, or sheer luck. Every time you resist, you mark a stress box. Okay. I want to resist. Okay. So this is risky. So you're taking too stress to resist. No problem. And I resist by chugging a Gatorade. You grab his Gatorade. Yeah. But the devil's bargain still takes effect. Yeah. I'll still be like kind of fucked up.

So what do you say when you're looking at his palm? He's like, he holds out his hand and he's kind of like flexing his arm a little bit. He's like. I'm going to start off easy and just say that you're an orphan like us. And. Oh my God. How did she know? And not too long ago. Immediately crying. I don't like it. I don't like it. And not too long ago either were you orphaned. You've only spent one summer in this mall. So the wounds are fresh.

And I know that you just haven't dealt with that drama yet. You play volleyball as an outlet. You yearn for that action of. The court. You yearn to take your anger out on the spikes on the ball. I know this is where you fight your inner demons. Impressive. And he pulls his hand away. But you got one thing wrong. I'm not an orphan. I ran away. And he steps back. And Clover, you're like, great. And then the second he steps back, you're like, oh, my God, I need to get a Gatorade. Yeah. So.

While he turns away. I just. I just. I chug his Gatorade. Yeah. And you go over and you chug a Gatorade. Mm-hmm. But you like hear somebody talk. And no one said anything. Everyone's just looking at you. Who said that? Clover, you're tripping balls. No, I'm not. For sure. Clover. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. Yes.

And Seamus walks over and kind of like puts a hand on Clover's shoulder. Don't touch me. Okay. Just maybe come over here for a sec. I'm sorry. I saw too deep into your soul, the land, and I need to recover. And you go sit down like under the vampire like sheet that you set up. Just pulls the cloak over. Okay. Uh, and yeah, so the setup action didn't work, unfortunately, and Clover is now hearing voices. Okay. So we have a new thing to deal with. Franklin, continue. Nothing ever happens.

You say that from far away. I am fine. So, uh, you're, you can promise that you're gonna keep my boys safe. Well, yeah. Keep the hogs safe. Of course. Have you heard of my reputation? No. What about you? What about now? It takes off a shirt. Tiny little crop top tux. No. What about now? Puts on a little really tight bow tie. Nope. What about now? Suspenders. Oh, no. And then I, I sneak you the beer from last night. What about, and then, yeah. What about now?

And then he's like shaking, thinking about, oh, I'm gonna have to take a sip of, because so many kids were like, I want to drink the beer. And then they did, but then they spit it back in because they're actually afraid. So much back watch. There's actually more beer in here than there was when we found it. Oh. Oh. You're that Franklin Stein. Huh. Hmm. Want a sip? No. More for me. If he drinks this beer, can he get great effect? Oh. Like if he chugs it all? This is my devil's bargain. Jesus.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the devil's bargain that you're taking to add one to your roll. Okay. We became such bad kids so fast. Or I guess, yeah, no. Devil's bargain would be that you get great effect instead of standard. I look at Fenton and say, tell Clover I love her. Like in this way that I love you too. Tell yourself, tell her, if I don't make it out of this alive. And then Fenton's like, I will not fail you, my friend.

And then he turns around and goes, Clover, Franklin says he loves you. That's good to hear. You hear nothing. Okay. Boom, boom, boom. Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it. Oh, and it's so warm and like 80% kid spit. And it's just like roiling around in your gut now. Fine. And then he does a pirouette, splits, up, shadow box, roundhouse, roundhouse, roundhouse, needs to sit down. Okay. What are you rolling for this? Giant burp. Finesse. Finesse? Okay. And prowess.

So I have one in finesse and then two in prowess. So I get three die. Yeah. Great. And this is controlled. Great. Six, six, three. Two sixes. Oh, shit. Finally. Yes. So this is, you're almost like in another realm mentally. You can feel the beer like inside. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. And you're doing all these flips and splits, roundhouses. It's actually great motivation for my dance. Fenton, you can see Alain is like, oh, oh, oh my God. Holy fuck. Yeah. What? Three roundhouses in a row? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. He's totally the kind of kid that would just be impressed by athleticism. Yeah. So Franklin's working in some of his like subtle volleyball moods. He does like a big sort of like spike down superhero landing, you know, kind of thing. Uh-huh. And Alain is even going like, he's getting so jacked up that he's punching and kicking. And by the end, Alain is like sweating. He was so mentally charged by seeing you do all this shit. There's still a lot of smoke down here. Yeah.

This close stuff's really getting in my mind. In my eyeballs. That's why I'm crying. Not because of how cool that was. It's all the smoke in my eyes that's making me cry. If they won't listen to my moves, then they'll listen to my words. And he holds up his fist and say sword on him. Both of them say sword? Yeah. And you know how like in movies, people like kiss their knuckles, but he's a kid. So he doesn't think about it. So I put his whole fist in his mouth for emphasis. Okay. All right.

I can tell that you're pretty badass. And your friends scared the shit out of me. But that's an asset in itself. So you know what? You got a deal. Shake hands. Shakes hands. Yes. When your hands connect, it's a clap as the muscles just slap. Yeah. This is the muscliest handshake I've ever seen. Forearms. A lot of gripping. Popeye on Popeye. Both arms are sweaty. It's kind of like a cloud of sweat. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I'm mixed contact.

Franklin burps so loud when they shake hands. All right. You got a deal. The wild nogs will be there to transport your cream. You mean our cream. I do mean our cream. I hope this is the beginning of a very creamy relationship. And the meeting ends. The wild nogs, Alain, turns around, snaps, his boys appear, and then they leave. And Seamus is like, well done. I'm done. I'm done. We're getting closer, right, to the deal? To the… What is this about again? Getting creamed. Getting creamed.

Oh man, we gotta get her home. Or at least to the chill out room. All right. All that's left, I suppose, is to get the cream and then transport it to Doris's kitchen, right? Yeah, we just need to grab the cream and go to Shitty Foods. And Clover, you're laying there. And you hear like, like all the voices. Oh yeah, they're getting loud. Yeah. They're rising to like a crescendo in your head. She's like crawling towards the bag, like listening. Uh-huh. Whoa. What? The dark chocolate voices? Yeah.

Sick. What do you speak of? And you hear just like, Don't trust him. And that's where we're gonna end it. I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me as always, playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdulaziz. Oh, goodbye. Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Hoppers. See you next time. And playing Clover Ivy Fern, the whisper, Jessica Tai. Bye for now. Thank you to Samuel Quinn Morris for our incredible intro and outro music. An absolute gift.

And thank you to Duane Figueroa, the creator of World of Blades, based on Blades in the Dark by John Harper. And thank you most of all to all of you out there supporting the show. So thank you so much. And we'll see you next time. And so ends the tale.

Of the cool treat kids Always up to no good So tiny and greedy And angsty they be As they navigate crime and puberty And though our journey may belie a conclusion We will not leave you without a resolution Return next week to the chocolate store As the cool treat kids plan their next score And for you I'll gladly spout more Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.