Episode 5 – Don’t Look a Gift Blade in the Dark

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound Their wares are famously tasty So here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisperer, she makes all the sweets She has a corn dog addiction Benton's the sly, she sleeps the same And writes vampire fan fiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends Endless in clothe For the tale's about to start Welcome everybody to Spout More Mall Brats I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara Joining me as always playing Franklin Stein The cutter, Paul Operman Playing Clover, Ivy Fern, The Leech, Jessica Tai And playing Fenton Beasley, The Slide, Abdul Aziz What have the Cooltree kids been up to Non-downtime wise What have your day-to-days been like?

Anything interesting? Franklin found a red headband Bandana, like Raphael style And he cut holes in it And then he rolls it up and he's like I'm wearing it down As an alias He goes by Tux So he wears it every day, all the time As a mask? Yeah, he rolls it down when he's gonna be in alias mode Oh my god This is a new character he's working on?

Yeah, he's working on a new character Called Tux That's when he ties his coveralls around his waist With his little tuxedo crop top Oh my god Like tuxedo Yeah, like tuxedo Like tuxedo mask From Sailor Moon Yeah, yeah, yeah moon it sounds like you're a vigilante or you're getting to be there yeah he he offered last session to hire himself out as like for higher muscle yeah so so what's uh what's clover been up to non-downtime wise any any fun developments oh she writes it in her diary a lot lately lately more so than normal yeah and she already writes in it every day but right now it's been like long entries I wonder what that's about oh shameless duh yeah totally party but mostly shameless how she feel about the party that was pretty embarrassing I imagine it was embarrassing because she wanted to look hot and and it didn't really work out in her favor so she's just like planning other outfits and like writing alternate like endings to the party writing alternate endings to the party can we get one can we get clover like muttering her story over her she's writing fan fiction for her own life yeah fucking crazy you hold on walk over to the hot dog the the corn dog cart and my dress is glittering my hair is glittering my eyelids are glittering because of all the glitter I put on it and I look so silky and soft and my lips I put on my best chapstick cherry flavor and she was like you look so kissable right now like I might be kissable right now and she was like do you think you're free later for a kiss I'm like yeah I think so but I don't want to look too eager so I'm like well meet me out on the balcony at midnight under the night of the of the moon full moon it's not raining which leads me to believe that it has rained at some point in the mall oh yeah there's internal weather and it was raining but it's foggy right now and in the fog the moon is hiding and I think oh no shammus hasn't shown up but then the fog it splits open like a cloud and the moon shines and shines its light down on me and I glitter like a beautiful mermaid and then behind me shammus opens the door and he's like you are so beautiful you are so beautiful My breath is taken away.

Come kiss me now. And I pucker up. And Seamus puckers up. And our lips. They meet. And I taste his chapstick. And it tastes like mint. And cherries also. And corn dogs. And then we kiss for 30 whole seconds. Whoa, he didn't come to play. He puts his hand on my hip. Oh my god. No, not in my hip. My shoulder. And then he puts his other hand on my other shoulder. And then I put my hands on his shoulder. And then we… He looks into my eyes and he's like, You're the one for me. I love you so much.

And I say, I love you too. I've always loved you. And he's like, I've always loved you. Free hot dogs for life. Wow. That's the name of the story. It's free hot dogs for life. Yeah. That was stupid. Are you kidding? Are you so fucking funny? What's Fenton been up to? I found a giant pile of Turkish delight in a dumpster. I've been working my way through it. Ah, Beasley's delight. And every day you come into the lair, which Jessica came up with a good name for it. Oh. The Sugar Shack.

Oh, the Sugar Shack. Oh, the Sugar Shack. Good name. You came up with that. I forgot. Yeah. Good name. So yeah, she came up with the name The Sugar Shack for you. The Sugar Shack for you. The Sugar Shack for you. The Sugar Shack for you. The Sugar Shack for you. The Sugar Shack for you. The Sugar Shack for you. So every day Fenton's coming into the Sugar Shack with handfuls of Turkish delight. I swear to God, we should be selling this stuff. We're going to sell it.

We got to sell it fast because it is disappearing. Frankly. I thought he had a cocaine problem for the first. Because of all the powdered sugar on his face. He's showing up with powder over his face. And Franklin and Clover hate. They're like, this is shit. Like, this is shit. Nobody really likes Turkish delight. Are you kidding me? Have you had really good Turkish delight? No. Ooh. I'm going to try and make you have it. So I guess that's where we cut to now. We cut to the Sugar Shack.

The Cool Treat kids are all present and accounted for? Hell yeah. Yeah, we're all here. And what's everybody up to in the lair? I guess I'm on my rocking horse. Oh, right. Yeah. The one you drag out in the middle of the room when you need to think. When I'm doing my, I'm on my thinking horse. Yeah. Creep, creep, creep, creep. He's on the fucking horse again. Creep, creep. It's been a hard week. Creep, creep. He's not thinking. He's not thinking this time.

He's kind of just like trying to burn off the extra energy from all the Turkish delight. And actually, he's going really far back and forth. And Franklin and Clover are watching him. It's actually a fun thing they're doing where it's like he's going like all the way back before it tips and then all the way forward till he's like almost horizontal. And they're just seeing how long he could keep going without totally bailing. Franklin keeps like going to get up. They're like, oh, okay.

I really thought he was going to go that time. Yeah. There's a pillow that I was sitting on that I'm like edging further. And I'm like, Ben, can you just like blink once in a while? I am so jacked up by this Turkish delight. And as you're all just sitting around near your Turkish delight pile, you hear a noise. You're a snuffling. I flip. A scrabbling. You just fall off. And if you are you going over to the pile? Yeah. As you get closer to your little pile of Turkish delight, there's a noise.

I kick it. You kick it and you hear. And you look behind and there's this hunched little potato looking creature. It looks like these things that you've seen around the mall once in a while. You've heard stories about them, but it's covered in powdered sugar and chocolate. And it has like bits of candy stuck in its weird bristly hairs all over its body. And it's like. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck. It's knob goblins. Yeah, it's a knob goblin. Oh, shit. We've got knob goblins.

And it's like shoveling Turkish delight into its mouth. And it's got this big saggy mouth. And this is like. But if you look a little closer around its neck, it has a little rope with a tiny little tube. You see C.T.K. Carved on it. I get it. I get it. Who could that be? Or it's. Country kids. Oh, yeah. Who the hell is Cutik? Cutik. Cutik. The Kotakibi. Cutik, come get your goddamn hob noblins. I grab a reusable grocery bag from my stash. And I try to catch the hob goblins. Yeah. Knob goblins.

Knob goblins. Knob goblins. No, wait. Hob noblins. Oh, yeah. They're hob noblins. I'm saying knob goblins. Which is, I think, a thing for sex stuff. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's. They're not knob goblins. They're hob goblins. Hob noblins. Hob goblins. What's the fucking difference? A knob gobbler gobbles knobs. A hob goblin hobbles knobs. No, no, no, no, no, no. A hob goblin is a real thing. Yeah. So, a hob noblin. Hob noblin is a. Gremlin. Is a gremlin that eats candy. They used to be elves.

And then they got a will of their own. It's a hob noblin. So, they're like pests, basically. I can't tell the difference. You need it. And then, gobl noblin. Nob goblin is somebody that sucks a lot of dick. Yeah. A knob goblin. Yeah. Because you're gobblin knob. Yeah. Goblin knob. Oh, my God. That's so funny. I can't believe you've never heard that before. I've never heard that. Jessica's very pure of heart. I'm so pure. Yeah. And then. Nob goblin. What's the other one?

Hob noblin is the elf turned hob noblin because they ate so much candy and got a will of their own. Yeah. They steal cookies. Yeah. Absolutely true. Yeah. It's a curse. Yeah. It's not good. Yeah. Elves in the mall. If you talk to them. Which you never have and maybe never will. Like look on them with total fear. Uh-huh. Abject terror. What about disrespect too? Oh, yeah. They hate them too. They're like disgusting monster animals. So, yeah. Somebody's trying to grab it. Yeah. Just. Or Clover.

Clover's going to try and grab it. Probably grab it. What do we think this is? Finesse maybe? No. This is skirmish. You're trying to like grab it. Well, yeah. I'm trying to catch in the reusable shopping bag. What do I roll? Roll whatever your skirmish attribute is. I have zero of them. Oh, shit. I'd say somebody. I'd say a tougher. Like somebody with. I've got two. Okay. Yeah. So, we can do it like that. Get the bag. Yeah. So, you can like. Get it. You do it. Six. On a six. You do it. Yes.

So, Franklin just jumps on the hobnoblin and puts it in a reusable shopping bag. Yeah. And it's just doing that. You can hear its nails scrabbling around in there. Yeah. Yeah. Tie the top. Yeah. Tie the handles together. You got it tied up. Things still on him though. So, we got to get it off somehow. Things still on him. But I'd say you got. You know, you made the roll. So, I'm not going to make you make a bunch of rolls for every single thing. What? What about we crush up a little.

Forget me, Pop. Oh, good idea. Oh, smart. Actually, I'm just going to drop the whole thing in. Oh, yeah. He'll not. He'll gobble that for sure. He's gobbling it right now. Yeah. You can hear the like instant crunching sounds as it eats it in two bites like the Tootsie Pop owl. Oh, yeah. Yeah. A few moments later. Snore. Fully asleep. The bag stops rustling. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

You open the bag after it falls asleep and you know what? It almost looks. No, it doesn't. No, it's horrible. It's disgusting. Hideous. Uncork the thing. Pull out a tiny letter. What does it say? The tiny letter says, your operations through the Hubberstone twins are in danger. Secure your territory. Well, that's from our patron, right? Oh, yeah. This is like very similar to different ways that your patron has contacted you in the past. It's like Inspector Gadget. Like they pop up in weird ways.

Stuff will come out of vents. Fun. Apparently stuff will be attached to hobnoblins every once in a while like a roller skate will roll into the room with a note on it. Yeah, right. It's just like, who's fucking doing this? Yeah, that's how we got that job. I almost died on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Waterpark job is the job I almost died on. The job that Fenton almost died on? Yeah.

I got stuck in the wave pool and then Franklin had to jump in and save me. The waves went crazy. Another wave? This is the score is you securing your turf in the mercantile district as the primary sellers of candy. So, what you know is it's the mercantile district because you've worked there before. It is a lot of quote unquote high. High-class living places, which basically just mean apartments with more than one room, and high-end stores.

But there are a lot of young, affluent children that are also there. So for candy sellers such as yourselves, it is the perfect location. And your claim is currently contested by a gang of higher-level but still low-level candy sellers called the Pixie Sticks. Are they rich kids? Yeah, they're the rich kids that hand out really highly processed sugars. Are they also fashion models? Yeah, they're like the mean girls. Yeah. Totally. Yeah, absolutely.

I like the idea that we're going to fuck up some rich kids. Yeah. So yeah, that's the situation is you need to find a way to disrupt the operations of the Pixie Sticks to ensure that the claim remains yours. And also in the mercantile district of the mall, it's all the best fucking playgrounds. Yeah, that is something to consider. Yeah, they have actual equipment. Yeah. Instead of what? What are the playgrounds? Spoken. Spoken like a true pork. Yeah. I know. You don't. Not just tubes.

Not just concrete tubes. Yeah. You have to reconstruction waste. So many tires. Like it's just everything is just tires. It's so many tires. The swings are tires. The slide was probably a tire. The ground is just shredded tires. Yeah. If you grew up near a playground that was more than 50% tires, you grew up poor. True story. I spent. The entirety of my first grade at recess playing in a tube of tires where I harvested dad balls and raised them. Yeah. Amazing. Jessica was a frog rancher. Wow.

So cute. Little swamp kid frog rancher. Yeah. Wow. These fucking playgrounds have slides. Yeah. And swings. Oh my God. Yeah. Real wood. Monkey bars. There's a. Teeter totters. Yeah. And there's a tram in this part of the mall. It's really nice. There are fireman poles vertical. Oh my God. Not just kicking around for you to fight with. Not just loose fireman poles. All their stands in a box. Oh my God. All their stands in a box and not being thrown at you by fucking hobnob legs. Yeah.

I would give it a give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or give or like Franklin and Fenton have to like sit on the edge while Clover swings and we have to rotate we have to anchor only one at a time only one at a time everyone knows that we've learned that rule the hard way there were four cool treat kids yeah R.I.P.

Devin we were like ooh a moth the other thing is our park has one slide but it's 30 feet high made out of concrete and it's a vertical sheer drop for 25 feet and then it very rapidly ramps flat what you're describing is a load bearing pillar we call it the slide though yeah oh boy it hurts though it's fun yeah you get a concussion basically every time that's based on a real slide that I had in the Middle East yeah so that's the score is your patron has asked you to secure your territory against the pixie sticks and it is up to you how you do that so how do we think the cool treat kids would go about this job why don't we make them unpopular actually trying to make them unpopular would be a really fun idea we're having this conversation on the edge of a playground as we watch them operate we're sitting at the top of the slide yeah we're sitting at the top of their slide which is a good slide and there's like a huge lineup of kids down the slide and we have to have our conversation with all these kids screaming at us to go oh because they're popular kids though so they're trying to be polite yeah because their parents are rich and they've taught to they've been taught to just be cold yeah and we are not picking up on it so every once in a while you have like the 11 year old version of a Karen like were you thinking of going today and we're like yeah yeah yeah we're just having a conversation just wait another like 10 minutes or something oh my god okay what if we gave them all like crazy diarrhea and they shit their pants in front of everyone I mean making them unpopular favorite mean girl style making them unpopular could be a slow burn like this could be a job that actually it's a montage of things that take several days where it's like I like that you're ingratiating yourself several days later you're having lunch with them at whatever you replace the queen bee yeah oh a sleepover scene oh my god oh yeah you're you could be our inside person over all right so you guys are gonna like make me over so I can fit in I think that's the first step is we do a makeover for you to make you look popular and not scary like you what what's wrong with how I look nothing you look great you just have an intense energy about you what's so intense it's big fella she's down hold him down she's holding two knives yeah yeah yeah!

If she is an extra large men's I think that's my size okay gonna do really well and I think this social connection we could use is maybe the Humberstone twins yeah yeah your social connection could totally be the Humberstone twins and if you talk to Tana she might know more about the pixie sticks as well so maybe step one is to talk to Tana and Jason yeah so where do you guys meet them maybe there's like an open courtyard in the fancy part of the mall oh yeah there definitely is okay yeah let's just go ahead and talk to Tana and Jason hang out there it's gotta it's you guys are astounded when you see this courtyard cuz it's got a skylight and it doesn't have a bunch of makeshift apartments hanging from underneath it so you can actually see the light coming through whoa yeah you might actually like clouds yeah we haven't outside clouds outside cloud it's not it I was outside we haven't been outside the Mall in months and a while yeah anyway I'm gonna give kombucha and I'll come back okay yeah I give you the kombucha I give you the kombucha I give kombucha I give you the kombucha I give you the kombucha I give you the kombucha I give you the What does the courtyard look like?

The courtyard is pretty nice and airy. Think of like a classic 80s movie mall courtyard. There's a fountain in the middle. There are people sitting along the edge of the fountain, sharing food and talking and chatting. There are parents with their kids pushing strollers. All around the edge of the courtyard, there's various food and wear stalls. And there's somebody like playing accordion. It's beautiful. Yeah. Playing some sort of romantic music. I'm going to go look at the accordion guy.

He's an adult, but like an old adult. I bet he's like 35, but we think he's like 50 or 50. Yeah. And I turned to Franklin after Clover walks away, and I'm like, I'm going to go make that old man feel better about himself. He's probably going to die soon. He's pretty pudgy. He has a black mustache that's been waxed down into two points, and then a goatee that's also waxed down into two points. So there's four points. And they're all black. They're all black.

They're all blunt because he snipped them to be the same length. Okay. And he's playing the accordion. As I'm on my way, I fish into the fountain and grab a bunch of coins. And then I waddle over to his little station, and I drop a bunch of wet change into his open case. And he stops. And I'm like, you are relevant. Little boy, I don't think you're supposed to reach inside the fountain and take the coins from inside. It's community change. No.

That is a cultural practice that determines good luck. We don't do that kind of thing around here. I don't know what from dark, dusty corner of mall you come from, but I come from a place where we respect tradition. I respect your traditions. Play me a bit of that accordion. What would you like to hear? Can you play the theme song from Long Tree Hill? Okay. Okay. Oh, that was really good. And Clover's back. Sipping on a booch. You all kids seem dirty. Where from you come?

We recently returned from boat camp. Boat camp. That's why we look so ragged. Yeah, because the boat was really muddy. Is it mud boat? Boat camp is what? Is camp for boat or camp on boat? On boat. But also for, like, people bring their boats, they watch the boats, and then they need kids to go on the boats. So purpose of camp is to camp or purpose of camp is boat? Is purpose to look at boat or purpose to camp on boat? You know what?

You sure ask a lot of questions for a man with a weird mustache. I will have you know my mustache is family tradition. All men and some women in my family have such facial hair for a century. For a century? No, for many centuries. Oh, you kids, I do not like you. I do not think. What's your name? My name is Lomon. Okay, well, we're here to meet our friends Tana and Jason Hubberstone. Oh, the Hubberstone twin. And he does a little flourish on his accordion. He goes, I know them well.

They tip nice. They good kid. Do you know where they are? Where we can find them? Oh, they always love to be at Come Play a Game Arcade. Arcade is called Come Play a Game. Has picture of scary clown on sign. Wow. They spend much time there. Oh, so that one over there? Yes, that one. I should have point. Okay. You can see the sign a little bit further down one of the corridors. And you can see the clown like the mouth is mechanical and it opens and closes every time it gets the maximum open.

It's like, and he says that these were twins will be. Okay. Thank you, Mr. Man. Okay, no probe. Hey, you probably should leave this part of Mosul and security becomes suspicious because you're so dirty. Goodbye, children. We should probably take a bath next time we come. Sorry. No. No bathing in the fountain. Is it too late? That's what I was gonna say. Is it too late? They high five. Yeah. And then dive into the fountain. Yeah. And we're like, okay, do you want to come to the fountain with us?

No, I just know I'm good. Okay. Beaten his clothes up against the side of it. Like just an old person from the South. Yeah, just like it looks like you're starting to draw some attention. Your activities in this part of the mall have been noticed by the wealthy, but you're able to clean yourselves up a little bit. Clover, you could look a lot worse to be fair. Yeah, I just like, turn my shirt inside out. Yeah, doesn't do any dirtier on the inside. Fine. I'll turn it back.

Oh, I already turned this one inside out. Yeah. And you can go to come play game the arcade. Okay. Yeah, we go in there. Yeah. Inside lots of ringing bells and horns and stuff as kids are playing different kinds of ball games, coin games, betting games, ring toss. There's one that's seems to be dropping a piece of meat in a hole and making sure a dog eats it. Oh, in the weiner drop. I love that game. Seamus likes it too. Are you hoping that Seamus is by the weiner drop?

Yeah, I'm looking around, but I don't see him. Yeah, he doesn't seem to be in this part. They supply the meat for the weiner drop game. Yeah, they do. Much higher up. That's outside Seamus' pay grade. And in the corner playing what are the Humberstone twins playing? I was going to say like Dance Dance Revolution. Oh, yeah. It's just, it's two poorer people that are dancing and you're supposed to match their dance moves. Yeah.

And those two, the two that are the Dance Dance Revolutionaries look exhausted and their Humberstone twins look nonplussed. Like they barely want to play. But there they are, Tana and Jason playing Dance for Us. So they're there and they're like, oh, hi. Yeah, oh, hi. What do you want? Hey. What? What? We're dancing. Dancing. Can't you see? Sick moves, bro. Thank you. He does a little spin.

We came because we found out that the pixie sticks are moving in on our territory, which is your territory. I mean, technically we were moving in on their territory. Yeah, but we have to deal with them now. That makes sense. Business sense. He does another spin. It's the same spin as before. It's not as impressive the second time. So what we were wondering was if you could introduce Clover to them and you know, try and like introduce her like she's not so unapproachable.

Yeah, and I'm just like looking around like what? I think I look nice, but I mean. You do look nice. You just have an intense energy about you. I don't know what you mean by that. I, Sean, O'Hara, the game master, am occasionally intimidated by Clover Ivy Fern. So Tana turns to you and goes, so you want me to introduce her to the pixie sticks? Yeah. I don't know. It's a pretty tall order. Well, do you want to keep getting your wine gums? Because we're the only ones who make it.

And if the pixie sticks come, you know, gallivanting into our territory, we're going to be squeezed out. And where are you going to get your supply? Clover says that. And the Hubbardstons are like, you think that we haven't been investigating your wine gums? You think that we're not trying to figure out how to make them on our own? This is a stepping stone for us. Look, you might be able to figure out how to make them on your own, but that's not what being rich is about.

Being rich is about getting poor people to do all the shitty work for you. That's right, Fenton. If you figure out how to make them, then you'll be just as shitty as us. That's right, Fenton. Look at us. You don't want to be like us. So dirty. And I just bat my shirt and all this dirt comes off. A frog jumps out of Franklin's pocket. Clover flips up her shirt so you can see how dirty the inside is. Yeah, and I'm like, look, you stay above us by making us do all this shit.

You don't want to come down to our level. That's right, Fenton. Wow. That's amazing. Okay, yeah, so roll this way. What a fucking… This way to us. Yeah. This argument that I'm making is so self-deprecating. Oh, absolutely. Sucks. Dealing with rich kids sucks. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I think that since they work for you and you do control the supply of wine gums, you're in a controlled position and it's going to be, like, standard. Okay. Six! Six, you do it. And one three.

Is this fucking anything up? No, no, no, no. Okay. You do it with a six. That's great. It is genuinely that Fenton makes when he gets excited. When he found all that Turkish delight, he was like, he made that noise running all the way back to the sugar shack. Franklin heard it. What do you got, buddy? Guys, there's a dumpster full of Turkish delight behind Mike's meat! So the Humberstone… You know what? You knew exactly what I was going to say to these two rich shitheads.

I'm like, oh my god, you're right. We never want to be like you if we can avoid it. When they say if we can avoid it, I sniff real deep and then hork up a huge piece of fucking flip. And I try and spit, but it sticks to my lip and it all drips down. Really slow. Like fucking Mulan. Trying to be masculine. Plop, plop, plop, plop, plop. Was that cool? And they go… That's right. Just don't ever do that again. Not even to us. Just like in your life. Just never do it. Ever.

I don't want to live in a world where I know you're doing that sometimes. But we'll help you. Alright, let's go. Do the thing. What you're going to need is a makeover. Cut to… Perfect song. Looking out a dirty old window We see a dirtier little girl Clover Ivy fur And she's trying on clothes that are pretty nice They turn on the shower And I have to wash my hair And I hate all the shampoo and other things She's trying… It's like a cat. A cat in the tub.

She's holding her arms against the wall. Nothing is organic. I hate all the conditioners. We're pushing her so hard to get her into the shower. All four of us. Arms and legs straining against the edge of the tub. She's stronger than she looks. She's trying to stab us. And then it's the shot of her with her hair totally wet. When it's wet, it's way longer than it looks like it would be. Down to her knees. And then cut to the scene in Mulan when she's getting ready for the matchmaker.

Do do do Do do do Do do do do Up and down Brush her teeth If we don't, she won't do it herself. Yeah, that's something that we had to tell the Humberstone twins is we only… We brush… Clover's teeth while she sleeps. We sleep it. Because she… We have a very soft toothbrush. Very mild toothpaste. She refuses to do it otherwise. Well, since I don't want all the fluoride, so like… Yeah. Oh, man.

I thought you were going to say because I don't want to lose all the good stuff that I save in there. Yeah, and we have to… We put fluoride in there, like shake her head really gently, and then she just walks around all the time thinking like, look guys, I don't brush my teeth and I don't use fluoride and my teeth are perfect. We have to like fucking agree with her because we don't want to… Yeah. We're the ones taking care of you. I brush my teeth with like lemon peels. Like that's enough.

You chew a clove once a month, but it's a clove of garlic. It's all the acid, right? It's really… It's kind of acidic. It's got a sticky… It's got everything the body needs. Yeah, so now this is the Mulan part where she's getting dressed. So what is she… What does Tana Humberstone dress her in? So she dresses her in pink leotards. Yeah. Yeah. Thick socks. Uh-huh. Little pink sneakers. Uh-huh. Lots of fake pearls. And my… They put my hair in a really high ponytail. Uh-huh.

Yeah, straightened first. And they strained it so long. Yeah. And whipping around. Wow. So you look like Suzanne Somers, but with pearls on? Kind of, yeah. That's what it sounds like in my head. Oh. And then so is this like… Suzanne Somers workout video. Suzanne Somers. Can I pick a different outfit? Totally. So this is what it is. It's that outfit. And you come out and Fenton and Franklin see it and they shake their heads. And we go back into the chain.

And as soon as you go back in, we start laughing hysterically. And you come out in outfit number two, which is… Okay. Outfit number two is lightning bolt theme. Well, now hold on. It's a yellow shirt. Okay. It's a yellow shirt. It's a yellow shirt. Whoa, hold on. Yellow shirt with a zigzag cutout in the back that's lined with a yellow shirt. It's lined with mesh. And then it's black leggings, but the ones with the strap that go around your heel so that they don't like hike up.

And then tall white boots with yellow stripes. Okay. And I come out… Oh, wait. My hair still in the high ponytail. What do you think? Eh. It's… You look too cool. Too cool? That's what I thought. And you have a big lightning bolt across your face like David Bowie. Yeah. It's a little much. Yeah. I want to see him approach me. Approachable. So that's not a good idea. All right. Let's do it again. Okay. And then… Back into the change room. Come out. Outfit number three. All right.

Outfit number three. My hair is in a low… No, it's in a high ponytail still. It was because they tried to put it in a low ponytail, but it had that like kink in the hair. Uh-huh. So they just like put in a big scrunchie. They put a choker on and pink top, but black polka dots. Ooh. And then black like kind of frilly skirt. And short frilly socks. Mm-hmm. With little shiny tap shoes. Not tap shoes, but you know those like the ones that look like tap shoes. Yeah. Yeah. I come out.

What do you guys think? Dang. I like your earrings. Thank you. Very cool. They look real, don't they? They do. Mm. And when she comes out, this song plays. Fenton and Franklin slowly stand up. I do a slow turn. Woo! That's the one! Yeah. Lomond is playing this on the accordion. Why is he here? He's just there. He says, He's me. I something, something, tiring, ring, ring. Behind the green, green grass. Sing, sing. Is there more to this song? I can't remember the words.

It's not written in my language. Oh, kiss me. Wow. And Tana's like, All right, Lomond, you can go now. And she, she, she, ting! Flips him a coin. He snatches it out of the air and says, Thank you very much. You hubbards don't win. So nice. Goodbye. And he disappears. All right. I think I'm ready. Cut to the food court. Is there a fancy food court? Oh, yeah. You guys can go to the fancy food court. Oh, yeah. And as far as you can tell, it's called fancy food court. Yes, it's called.

That's all you know is that it's the fancy food court. People come and bring you your food. Oh, my God. And all the tables have cloth coverings. Yeah. And all of it costs money. Yeah, it's all money. There's no free food here. None. And it's all. It's so fancy. It all tastes good, but some of it tastes bad. And that seems to be the point. Yeah. Wag-wa. Those are the more expensive ones, too. Yeah. And more popular. We're like, ooh, truffles. Not our kind of truffles.

I just realized that fancy food court is just a restaurant. Yeah. It's really small. Yeah. And it's almost totally enclosed. There's walls on all sides and a door that only goes into the food court. What are we doing? You're approaching the pixie sticks for the first time. Okay. What are the pixie sticks doing? They're at a table and they're all sharing a plate. They're all sharing a plate of small fries and talking about stuff.

So there are, according to Tana and Jason, there are three pixie sticks that are like the main group. There is Kessarin Ropes, who, as you understand it, is the niece of Rick Ropes of Rick's Ropes. Okay. So she's got some sort of cachet in the mall. She's like the queen bee. Her right hand is Naria Vaughn. Don't know what her deal is, but she's kind of like the pretty one, but she gets shit on constantly. By Kessarin. And the muscle is Helen's upsmoosh. Who is that? Holy fucking shit.

That's how Franklin reacts when he sees her. He slowly takes off his coveralls and ties it around his waist. Yeah. Revealing the crop top tuxedo. Yeah. She's stocky. Like it looks like she bench presses and she's like 11 years old. She can't be a pixie stick if she's like that. They keep her around because it said that she beat up a 13 year old one time. She's their muscle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Helen upsmoosh. Hell. Sorry. Hell's upsmoosh. And she actually might be from your part of the mall.

That's the rumor. Yeah. She looks familiar. Yeah. Okay, guys, what am I supposed to do? Uh, yeah. Shouldn't Tana introduce you? I guess so. Do we have a character? Are you going to be you? Should I say my name is Evie? Yeah. Oh, I like it. So yeah. So what, what, so, uh, Tana is going to introduce you to the pixie sticks. And what is your like goal out of this first interaction? I want them to, to be intrigued by me. Like I want them to want to know more about me, but in a good way.

And Franklin and I are going to do backup, but we're going to pretend to be maitre d's. Okay. Also, we're like bus boys. Probably. Yeah. Jason got us bus boys outfit. Uh huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, this doesn't look anything like a bus. This looks like pants and a shirt and an apron. This is stupid. I was looking forward to dressing like a bus to, to, I'm a little bus boy. Great. Uh, so Tana is going to introduce you and she walks you up to their table and says, hi girls.

And they all turn around like, Hmm. Hi. Uh, and she says, this is, uh, my friend Evie. And we're just going to join you for lunch if that's okay. And the one that you take to be Kessler and ropes, who's like very severe looking and has like short platinum blonde hair. It's like, I guess it's okay. We're just about done though. Oh, that's fine. I already ate anyway. Oh, did you, what did you eat? Nothing. Holy shit. I think that's going to be a, um, fortune roll. Two, two. Oh, um, not so good.

So Kessler and goes at, well, maybe you should have a fry. It looks like you're going to fall over. And the other girls, like titter and hell's like, huh? Well, if you insist, I suppose one will be plenty enough for me. Tana, why do you bring this girl to us? Tana's like, she's just new to this part of the mall. She's looking for friends. And I understand that you could use a little bit of help in the, uh, wink, wink, candy department. I don't know what you're talking about.

I have no such dealings and interactions, in that aspect of mall life. Cut to Franklin and Fenton. What are you guys doing? We're spraying each other with the, uh, dishwashing. We, we got distracted as soon as we went into the kitchen. He has a big beard of bubbles. At what point do you guys realize that Clover's out there? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I just realized that Clovers out there by herself.

As soon as we cut to us, cause we turned to be like Clover, Franklin's got a big, oh shit. Oh right. Yeah. You can see them like through into the back kitchen of one of the food places just hosing each other. Oh my God. Oh fuck. No. What do I do? Um, yeah, I mean no big deal.

I took a walk around this part of the mall earlier today and I had a bit of like the candy and I just felt like I was just like, I just felt like I was just like, of like the candy that you guys sell here and it was just like I don't know wasn't that interesting you know like just kind of boring super like on par with stuff you'd find at like the other side of the mall probably I imagine you know stuff that I found in like bulk bins and like you know just like strip malls you know like outlet malls outlet malls give me another fortune roll because you don't have any sway right yeah three wait can we aid you can aid yeah yeah the aid action is you guys uh you want you each take I think one stress and you add a die or two stress so what was the second die uh five oh that's way better yeah okay cool so it is this sort of thing where she's starting to listen like outlet mall I don't think so you!

Well I know so because I've unfortunately had the misfortune of having to have stuff from outlet malls when like you know the higher end stuff was like out of stock and my god like it could be basically the same thing what makes you such an expert on candy I know my candy and at this point in time franklin and I come up to the table we're we're in our mr gilbert outfit but paul has done me up with so bubbles soap suds yeah to give me like a big beard and like a colonel sanders wig kind of to make me look really old yeah and uh we teeter up and I'm like my word is that evie please don't approach me apologies for my interruption of your lunch my dear but I just wanted to say your performance in the finals of the taste test competition was absolutely outstanding.

I was one of the judges. Oh, well, thank you. I mean, I appreciate the compliment, but I am, of course, with friends, and so… Certainly a palate like yours, this world, I don't believe, has ever been seen before. No one quite, you know, tastes things as well as you do. Very kind, and I would love to talk further, but not while I'm off the clock. All right, well, I think I've taken up enough of your time. Goodbye. Yes, thank you. And we teeter away. It's just incredible.

So this, if they even were two years older than they are, would be like, who the fuck is this weirdo with the soap face? I don't get it. But Kessarin is like, okay, so it sounds like you maybe know your stuff. Yeah, I know a thing or two, but, you know, whatever. You got a palate, huh? I've been told, yes. Hmm. Interesting. So what do you do around the mall?

Well, I don't like to brag, but I'm a professional taste tester, and I help various chefs, and candy makers create new and exciting flavors. That doesn't sound like a thing they would let a little kid do. You would think, but I'm award-winning, so. Hmm. Well, I don't know. Have you heard of, like, the Galaxy Berry? No. What is a galaxy? Maybe I've heard of it, but just remind me.

Oh, it's pretty new and super exclusive, but it's like a blend of berries, but with, like, as if you could taste the night sky, you know what I mean? Like, it's pretty deep, and it's definitely not, like, for everyone, because it kind of, like, you need, like, a more sophisticated palate. No, now that you've said that, I think I have had.

In that moment, a couple tables over, Franklin's sitting on Fenton's shoulders, and he calls over a waiter, and the waiter comes over, like, yes, excuse me, what can I get for you? And he's just like, play it cool. And then he yells, what do you mean you don't have any more Galaxy Berries? This is the finest flavor in all the town. Everybody's gobbling them down. You can taste everything. There's a solar system in your mouth, and a little milky bit at the end there, just cutting it all through.

It's delicious, deep, it goes on forever. It makes me feel like I live forever. It's just driving me crazy. I can't get enough of it. And he's, like, getting angry. Yeah. I do not understand what you mean, sir, about the Galaxy Berry. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Ah, okay. All right, please calm down. I want you to get out and get me Galaxy Berry. Ah, very well. I will try and do this thing for you. I want to talk to the manager. I, okay. I mean, the role was already successful.

This has already all been successful. You guys can stop making roles. He's using skirmish to get in a fight with the waiter. Skirmish? No. What are you talking about? Oh, yeah, you should fight the waiter. Do it. Yeah. Oh, you're actually going to fight the waiter. Yeah. No, I meant, like, start a tussle. Okay. Over this. All right. This figure looks insane because we're sitting in the chair. So Fenton is sitting, and then Franklin is on his shoulders. So it looks like a man with long ape arms.

Long ape arms. A torso that is easily six and a half feet tall. Yeah. Tiny little fat little Michelin man feet. Michelin man legs that are wearing little sailors shoes. And a tiny tuxedo shirt. And Fenton is just kicking in the trench coat. You could see his legs just, like, working so hard. He's threatening a skirmish to get this guy to go and get the berries. Does that make sense? Yeah, I guess. That's more command than it is. Command. Okay. So what's your command? One. One. Okay.

Roll command. Do it. One. One. I'll take a stress. Take a stress. Four. Four is better. Four is better. We did it. So you see, Ivy, after you hear what is very obviously Franklin doing a voice, are you screaming about galaxy berries? You see Kessarin look over and go, yeah. Well, I guess if you want to meet up with us later and show us a little, do you have any of these galaxy berries? Not on me. Obviously. I'm not going to be able to see from like the kind of outcry it creates.

It's just like hectic and this is always happening. And so I might have to leave. It's just a little bit too much for me. But if you want to get in touch with me, you can talk to, is it Tana? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What? Just wait for a moment. And she like pulls out a little scrap of paper and writes something on it and slides it across. What's this? It says, if you want to meet me here this weekend, we can maybe talk about working together. Hmm.

I'm going to check my agenda, but I'll let you know. And Fenton, you can see the waiter like scurry away, bluster like, oh, I, oh, and go talk to security and security mall security sees you and starts approaching. What do you do? Oh, I try and bolt and it's fucking hard. You can't see shit. I'm not used to being on the bottom of Mr. Gilbert or Toblerone Jones. Yeah. What's this persona called? Oh, oh, oh. I give you the robe. I give you the robe. I give you the robe. I give you the robe.

I give you the robe. I give you the robe. I give you the robe. I give you the robe. I give you the robe. I give you the robe. I give you the robe. I give you the robe. I give you the robe. I give you the robe. I give you the robe. I give you the robe. I give you the robe. I give you the robe. So we start. So, yeah, because I'm eight and he's fucking 13 and huge and jacked. I'm desperately. I haven't figured out to peek through the buttons. So I'm like smashing into tables.

And he's giving commands. Thank you, Leon. George doesn't have to take this left, right. Go around the right. Two steps. Two steps. Oh, my God. So this is desperate. There will be a standard effect. And, yeah, I would get. So what are you using to get away? Fuck survey to try and feel the right way out. Would I assist in command? Yeah, you could definitely assist. Yeah. You would just have to tell me what stat you're using. Basically, yelling at me. Yeah, totally. Telling him which way to go.

Okay. Yeah. Go for it. Roll your survey. Now, how are you using survey? I'm feeling with my hands. To just be like, which way is the right way to get? I'll take my two boners and leave. Out of here. I got a two and a three. Roll that fucking aid, man. One. Okay. You could. Let me take a stress. So you take a stress and then you to push yourself or you can accept a devil's bargain. What's the devil's bargain? It would be like you fall over. And.

Franklin slides off of the top of you and Fenton is underneath. And it is the revelation to the mall security that Mr. Gilbert might not be a real person. So that would be the devil's bargain. I'll let you roll again. But they would know that Mr. Gilbert is not what he seems. And that cover will be almost totally blown. Oh, almost totally blown. I can never use Mr. Gilbert again. No, it's that. It'll be a huge risk from here on out. Okay. What do you guys think? This isn't technically Mr.

Gilbert. This is like Leon. Oh, yeah. So we can't use like you, Leon. Okay. So, oh, this would be. Fent. Franklin can never be on top anymore. Boy, I'm not a good bottom anyway. Okay. Fuck. The one one one spectacular. Can I take a stress? Right? I think you can. I think we're all taking stress. Okay. Yeah. You know what? Let's just see what happens. It's late. Okay. One. Wow. Okay. Oh, wow. We all died. Yeah. We're all dead. Okay. So I think Franklin can get away.

I don't think Fenton can get away. You won't leave him. I want to call a flashback. Okay. Yeah. What's the flashback? So I take stress for doing a flashback. Oh, shit. Yeah. Are you actually going to die from stress? No, I don't have any stress yet. So we flashback to. When we were in the kitchen and spraying each other with a hose. And there's this really big muscular dishwasher. And I'm like, hey, what's your name? I am me. Yes. My name is Borbo. Borbon. Borblum. Borbo. Borblum. Borblum.

Borblum. Okay. Fuck. Whatever. Okay. Jeez. Dude. Okay. Look here. We're about to go out there and pull it some risky shit. And it's going to probably go pretty bad. What we need you to do is. If it looks like we fucked everything up so bad, we need you to dress up in security guards outfit and. Oh. Pretend you're security and take us away. Okay. That is a great. That is a great use of flashbacks. That's going to be too stressed for sure. Okay.

So security rushes up and grabs you and says, I've got you now, you little rap scallions. And as security approaches, he's like, he puts his hand out and goes, halt, fellow security.

I give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and give you the charm and Because he's like an adult, basically.

I'm telling you guys. He's like 19. I'm like, get us the fuck out of here. I'm going to pass out. So he's dragging you by your necks. Like, I've got them. And he's yelling back at them the many deeds of the House of Silver Hills. In 1114, my great-great-grandfather took down the giant… Smegma. It was the only thing I could think of. He took down the giant Smegma in a battle that lasted four nights and five days.

And in 1231, my uncle Terry ate a whole rack of ribs, even though he wasn't supposed to. But it was in such a short amount of time that when my family came back, we thought, hey, where'd those ribs go? Terry, no fucking way. We got to get out of here, guys. I'm running out of steam. He's just saying this as he's dragging all of us out. What did you guys think of that character? I mean, it's a little flourishy for a security guard. They're pretty stupid.

I thought the backstory was important, like detail. Yeah, there can be too much detail. Yeah, you had so much. This is more Burr Balboobie Bebe. The last son of the Silver Hills, a knight of his line. Yeah. You should have stopped there. All right, well, I'll take the note. If you guys need anything else, you let me know. That job as a dishwasher is pretty boring. Sure, yeah. If you want anything, anytime, look us up. Cool, cool, cool. Check out the sugar shack. This is a gift for you.

Can I give him a fork? I stole it from in there. Yeah, I can tell. This is from the restaurant. Yeah. Get the hell out of here. Okay, bye. I got to run. Thank you. He hustles down the hall and disappears. I'm 10 feet away. I'm so winded. And we cut back to the sugar shack. Little debrief. All right. I put all my clothes up on a hanger so that they would stay away from all the dirty things. Wow. Genius. We have hangers? What the fuck? Well, I made it. I made it. So we don't.

We might need a few more spoons. So I use them all the time. A spoon. Damn it. Sorry. Okay, so guys, Kester and Ropes, the main girl. She gave me her. Uh, address, I think. And so we're going to meet up on the weekend. And hopefully I will ingratiate myself into their team and eventually take over. Yeah, I think that works. Take over or just make their team look like shit. I mean, doesn't really matter. Yeah. So if we want, we can cut right ahead to the weekend. Yeah.

How are you going to ingratiate yourself further? I guess we'll figure that out. Oh, you need flavor. I do need flavor. Oh, you need berries. Oh, shit. No, where would you guys get galaxy berries or whatever you can pretend a galaxy berry is? Uh, I had a lot of strawberry powder. Mm-hmm. And… I guess if you're trying to ruin their stuff, you could bring something that makes their candy worse. What was that purple shit that you stole? Yeah, I was just going to say the purple mushroom stuff.

Uh-huh. Yeah, what is it? I don't even know, but I'm going to add these two together along with this expired coconut milk. It's… It's… So clunky. The shot cuts to… Yeah. Cuts to a carton of coconut milk that's been in the corner for eight weeks. Oh, and it's like perfectly round. Yeah. Oh, God. I have to make everyone wear like some sort of gas mask on it. Yeah, we have been afraid to approach it. She's looking at it with goggles. Franklin, what year is it? Yeah. Holding it with tongs.

Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. So, what are some things… What are you preparing? What are the three of you preparing in here? So, there's like all the contingencies are in place. Yeah. Actually, I look at the Turkish Delight pile and I'm like, you could do something like that, guys. Yeah. What do you think? Yeah. And make like a little Turkish Delight kind of thing. Yeah. See, we're going for the Galaxy Berry, right? Yeah. Yeah. I need the Galaxy Berry. Yeah.

Kessarin wants the Galaxy Berry because now she believes that's like the hot new thing. Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. Let's make something that we'll call Galaxy Berries. Out of all this shit. Okay. Do we have to roll? Yeah. What action are you guys using to make it? I guess Tinker. Yeah. Nice. Cool. Since you're in your workshop zone, it's going to be controlled and you will have great effect. All right. We'll see. Oh, five and three. On a five, you do it, but there's a consequence.

There's some flaw where it's like there's something that you'll have to explain. I would like there to be like some sort of psychological or psychedelic effect. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So that's what the thing actually does. Yeah, the mushroom. Yeah. But that's not the flaw, is it? Like that's why it's going to ruin their reputation. But I think it'll be like if they're tasting it, they'll experience those effects right away.

Like they'll start getting freaked out or something and it would be something that Ivy would have to explain. Oh, I see. Oh, no. This is what it's supposed to do. It's opening your mind to the galaxy. Oh, yeah. So if it was great effect, it would just taste good and then they wouldn't notice the effects until way later. Oh, yeah. Okay. And it doesn't taste that good. Like it tastes fine because of the strawberry powder, but the mushroom powder is like really earthy. Totally.

Is there anything that Franklin and Fenton want to set up for Ivy in the next leg of this? How to support her? Yeah. She's going to this girl's house? Mm-hmm. I guess we're going to dress up like gardeners. Okay. There's no gardens in the mall. Oh, my God. What? What if Franklin dressed up like a gardener? I guess I'd dress up as like my boyfriend. Oh. And then… Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I'm talking to Franklin like, okay, so you dress up as my boyfriend. Yeah.

Because, you know, I gotta look cool enough. Like, you know, obviously I have a boyfriend. Totally. You hear Fenton in the bathroom. Yeah. It's just like… What is it? Are you having a bad poop again? Yeah. Just grit your teeth and bear it, bud. Okay. Okay. Okay. What's Ivy's plan for Fenton? He's going to be my butler. Is that okay, Fenton? Yeah, come out of the… I'll go get my cummerbund. So, we cut to ding dong. You have arrived at the house of Kesser and Ropes.

The front of the like walk-up apartment building that's built inside the mall that her family lives in is draped in very fine silken ropes. Yeah. And ropes of all shapes and sizes. Oh, my God. Fenton, are your hands clean? No. Can you clean them really quick? Just licking at them? Yeah. Lick them clean. I stuff them into my mouth. Yeah. I start sucking. It's a very… Okay, we should all do that, actually. It's a very fancy place.

Everybody's just licking their hands on the front door of this rich person's house. Ed McClendon's running his hands through his greasy hair, cleaning them off. And the door opens. Stop it. His hair is like… Madam. Yeah, there's a middle-aged woman at the door like, Oh, you must be Kesserin's friend and guests. Yeah, and you must be her sister. Oh, you. I'm her mother, dear. But I do know that I love… Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Very attractive for my age. Thank you for saying so.

You look attractive for any age, might I add. This is my boyfriend. Yeah, you're hot as fuck. Excuse me. Excuse my butler. He has… He doesn't know when to speak. Oh, I understand. Don't worry. I know all about butlers that don't know how to keep their friggin' mouth shut, no matter how many divorce proceedings might be ongoing at the time. Wow. Wow. That's pretty cool. Thank you for saying so. And you hear inside the house, Mom, no. Mom, no.

And then Kesserin shows up and is like, Mom, get out of here. Get out of here, Mom. And she's like pushing her mom back into the house. It's pretty cute they used to live with your mom. What? You don't? No, I moved out when I, you know, made my fortune. I mean, they check in on me.

On me but like I am on my own you can see her eyes like just contorting like is that cool or is that weird it's pretty nice because I can stay up as late as I want you know what I'm saying oh Kessarin this is my boyfriend hey I'm her boyfriend sometimes we stay up late and do it I'm durst yeah what durst means by do it is we hold hands and sometimes we kiss on the mouth what's up I'm durst you guys gotta roll a sway someone's gotta lead a sway the butler can lead a sway if you need to neither of us have anything in sway so what's Fenton doing to reinforce this lie is he leads this sway oh yeah cause he is kind of a fancy boy so he kind of knows how to talk the talk remember yeah totally so yeah he thinks back to all the butlers that would come out of his mom's bedroom late at night what a shitty life this kid had and he he stands up like really straight and like puffs his chest out and like puts his arms behind his back he leans in close to Evie's ear and then he's like master madam it is incumbent upon me to tell you that other children and I shoot a withering glance at Kessarin are not as accomplished or as worldly as you two ha ha ha ha thank you for the reminder butler baby ha ha ha ha butler baby he deflates a little bit oh gotta roll roll this way so you guys can add dice if you want like through aiding they have to take stress yeah you have to take a stress you guys are both gonna take stress to make this work fuck whatever holy shit one two one one are you fucking kidding me I'll take a stress wow that's incredible brutal holy shit I had so many good rolls at the beginning I lost all five okay thank you Kessarin's mom Mrs.

Ropes is like now remember Kessarin we're due at the meets residence in just about 30 minutes so please make your visit short we have somewhere to be dear Kessarin's like fuck off mom she's like oh my dear daughter and walks into the house so there's a time constraint you gotta get this done Kessarin takes you into her room which is very plushly adorned there's beautifully made stuffed animals everywhere there's posters of sexy boys on the wall so I know that you were interested in some of the flavors I had to offer if you want to try it I could leave you a sample did you happen to bring any of the can they be trusted and she looks at Durst and butler baby yeah!

Butler baby is like my employee Durst is my soulmate okay well do you have any of the galaxy berry that we talked about I do and as a special favor I'm gonna leave you a couple pieces to try here's the complication is it just like a little jar or vial or something well no they're like little like Turkish delight size so she takes a couple out and she says I think if we're going to be business associates we should all try a sample together I mean like I've obviously tried it like a million times because I developed it but if you need someone to like hold your hand through it then sure she has yeah she's holding one in her hand and she has three more in her palm that she holds out to Durst Evie and Butler baby okay yeah I'll do it I don't mind taking one okay yeah all right here we all take it okay yum yum yum yum yum yum that tastes fucking awful don't say anything yeah tastes like Greg's breath smells I know I think he eats a lot of this stuff there's a lot of that down there and immediately the flavor hits all of you it's earthy it's awful it's sweet but disgusting and then you can you can feel your like brains start to change and Kessarin's like so like hold on through this part okay so by like galaxy berry I mean like you know like there's some flavor but it's more like you know like a state of mind so just like if you can handle the ride it'll pass is this is this normal yes oh yeah you're gonna have to roll something to convince her that this is a normal thing um can I is it possible to use command for something yeah totally yeah you tell me what you want to use okay I want to use command and I just want to be like you know to get like the full effect you just have to sit still and just let it like wash over you like a wave can I ask what the goal is here I thought originally that we were trying to get her to put it in her candy yeah okay that's what she's gonna do it was just the complication was that she wanted you all to we all have to do it yeah okay but if you can if you convince her she's gonna put it in her candy oh I see even though it's obviously a bad idea okay yeah yeah okay trust me it's worth it people love it it is a trip roll your command three three I could take a stress and do another one yeah for sure because this is important it is important five five great wonderful she's like yeah I can see how this would be something that people would pay top dollar for for sure like yeah okay okay you got a deal yeah and I mean like obviously the ingredients are super rare and I have to say that I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do it but I'm gonna have to get them like transported and like brought over from all parts of like kinos and stuff like that so I mean unfortunately I do have to charge like a pretty high rate but I think it's worth it like as you can see like whoa right absolutely whoa this is incredible yeah I mean what's money when you can experience this yeah this transcends money this is bigger than candy you know I mean like it's just more than that Fenton is puking behind the bed yeah exactly like yeah and the two of you can feel the it's coming like you gotta get out of this house like quick I feel like this isn't like affecting Clover as much though because she's kind of used to this stuff I guess that's true she's pretty well immune at this point yeah so she hands over a little brightly colored embroidered bag with some coins in it it says you've just made me a very wealthy girl it'll pass it'll pass okay yeah and you walk out of the room as you hear her just going and you see Mrs.

Ropes in the corridor putting on a very fine mink coat getting ready to go and says oh were you kids leaving already yeah it was a lovely visit thank you so much you can hear Kessarin in her room I think Kessarin's a little sick gotta go nice to meet you bye you look hot as fuck Mrs. Ropes you look hot as fuck Mrs.

R yeah and you make it back to the sugar shop and you're like oh my god I'm so tired of this okay so it's a couple days later and the Hoverstone twins you hear them banging on your trap door outside we still feel like shit yeah yeah we still this stuff sucks we have had the collective like team building experience of being horribly I'll for days at a time all together we come to the door the sugar shack like holding a rope together like oh bags on our eyes like oh well we yell at them to stop banging on the door because it's gonna kill them yeah you can hear all your crossbows winding as they're banging on the door stop it you stupid bitches oh my god how many times do we have to tell you get out here it's a business conversation well then fucking use the right door what's the right they're all doors shut the fuck up if you yell too loud the crossbows will go off they're very sensitive we go through the vending machine hey the three of us flurp out we all have sunglasses on oh yeah we look like fucking pigs pigs we all look like Mary Kate and Ashley yeah with all the baggy clothes too yeah and the Hupperstone twins are like wow you look even more like garbage than you usually do well you know what you don't look so fucking great yourself so it's this part of the mall our clothes got dirty what do you want so I don't know what it is that you pulled but a bunch of kids got some candy from the pixie sticks and they ended up absolutely trashing their classroom and a bunch of them barfed in the fountain in the courtyard nice oh my god there's a rumor there's a rumor that Lomon stepped in a bunch of shit that was from a kid's butt that everybody saw everybody saw it from a kid's butt we're all laughing pretty hard and it hurts to laugh but you know now people have gotten to know us for a while now people have started coming to us a lot more asking for candy so I think I think we're maybe in the clear sick very good news we worked pretty hard for that one didn't we yeah absolutely you wouldn't know you fucking sit around doing nothing I sell the can't oh sell the can't we sell whatever you're gross and they walk away oh my god this does not feel like a win at all we are gross aren't we I don't know if I want to say that but I'm not going to say it I don't know if I want to say it I don't want to be a drug dealer anymore go get some soup and that instead of it ending with Fenton on the roof monologue it just ends with you all sitting around a pot of soup and Fenton is mumbling a monologue into a soup what does this mumbled monologue sound like it's just like oh fuck I'm gonna die oh fuck cold chickens want to push us some and murder us it's so hard and that is where we end the cool treat kids on what could possibly feel like the least effective and skilled score of all time stay in school guys stay in school don't be abandoned by your parents in a big mall thank you so much to players Paul Offers playing Franklin Stein the cutter Jessica Tai playing Clover Ivy for in the leech and playing Fenton Beasley the slide Abdul Aziz thanks to all our patreon supporters for supporting the show and thank you to all of our supporters for supporting the show and thank you to John Harper for creating Blades in the Dark goodnight everybody and so ends the tale of the cool treat kids always up to no good so tiny and greedy and angsty they be as they navigate crime and puberty and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to the church to the chocolate store as the cool treat kids plan their next score and for you I'll gladly spout more should all sing along I don't know I've never heard this song Blades in the Dark there's Blades in the Dark Blades in the Dark Blades in the Dark Blades in the Dark Blades in the Dark Blades in the Dark we could weird out something up yeah that would be funny yeah and there's Blades in the Dark when there's Blades in the Dark and the chocolate factory is haunted now hey now don't close to the dark crush on Seamus and now hey now when the Blades are in the dark cool treat cool treat what's going on with Franklin they won't win Jessica's just singing the song I love that she's like actively trying to be like stop it I'm singing the real song hi I'm Simon I'm G and I'm Boof have you heard about Pickaxe's hit new old movie podcast Yomp we each have a list of six films we want to share every week we roll a dice to randomly pick which one we watch and discuss MC Bunkerwelt says this trio is perfect for a movie podcast G is the casual that has the mainstream movies Simon is the nerd that is bringing the gems and Boof is the cellar goblin that scrapes the bottom of the diaper Messiah Jones says such a fan of this podcast I love the variety and all three have pretty good chemistry G is far too confident in her own intelligence sometimes and Simon can be a real curmudgeon but the three work together well enough to keep the flow and make a good product Serenity Indeed says love this podcast so far but the audio is all over the place goes from quiet at the start of a sentence to loud in the middle every time somebody stops talking for even half a second their audio goes quiet and has to ramp up again it's very distracting edit this audio issue was with my laptop find Yomp on all your favourite podcast platforms YOMPA