Episode 20 – Don’t Bite the Blade That Feeds You

Pickaxe hi there listeners your game master Sean O'Hara here just letting you know that this is the season one finale of Mall Brats and after this we're going to take a quick little two-month hiatus while we get season two ready for you and in the off season we'll be releasing some tasty little pieces of extra content mall chats mall chats we'll do a talk back on the first season might have some guests come in pop into one shots in this world but if you are interested in hearing more of what you've heard this last season and want to hear more of us you can join us at our flagship show Spout Lore it's a really good show or you can join us at patreon.com slash Spout Lore to hear all of Mall Brats season two which we will be back for june 30th right before canada day right before canada's day the most canadian podcast on pickaxe releasing we actually are for sure the most canadian podcast on the network that's great that's cool hello pickaxe welcome to canada remember how you used to own us not anymore except actually they kind of still do actually still all of them are on our money still yeah yeah shout out to the king we drive on the other side of the road here yeah we drive over here but our governor general has to talk to the king sometimes we use their language and everything we do yeah yeah and sure we have to have a portrait of the king on all our boats we genuinely had when I worked at the military newspaper we had a portrait of the queen and that was just in a drawer because they were like we don't want to put it up so I put it up in my office and I was like you like have to have yeah so what maybe we're all legally required to have the middle name elizabeth so what that technically the governor general somehow contains some kind of occult presence of the royal family oh like they're the avatars of the of the monarchy that's sort of how canada was set up is the governor general is the avatar of the royal family well I mean incarnate in north america describing authority though so like any any person with authority is technically an occult representation of an idea kind of already by the crown yeah actually yeah capital t capital c the crown that is a strange concept like in courts there's a little bit of the queen in every court yeah now the king so thank you england for taking us back the podcast the the prodigal son of podcasting returns to the sceptered isles of britannia june 30th the day before canada day in the mud all right we'll see you june 30th everybody gather around friends let me tell you a tale free scoundrels grabby and small a hippie a dancer and a sweet talker who live in haspyrum all you've seen them around they sell sweets by the pound they're aware of the famously taste here I sing singing to you crimes involving chemistry clover's the whisper she makes all the sweets she has according to the direction benton's the slide he sleeps the same he writes vampire fan fiction franklin's the cutter his fighter's strength despite his dance his heart is his own his dance is his own best and brightest they may not be but that's my favorite part so gather round friends and listen close for the tale's about to start all right welcome everybody to spout more Mall Brats I'm your game master Sean O'Hara and joining me as always playing fentanyl bz the bz everybody.

Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Hiya! And playing Clover, Ivy Fern, the whisper, Jessica Tai. Hi, everyone. When last we left the Cool Treat Kids, they had begun planning for a retaliatory strike against the Wild Nogs. The plan was to infiltrate the business front slash distillery brew house of the Nog Hogs. Yes. The upper level gang of the Wild Nogs and destroy their Nog and blame it on the Wild Nogs.

In the course of that, the gang went to Wheels R Us, the base of operations for the Wild Nogs, and started a fucking brawl so Clover could steal some jackets. Hell yeah. Which you will be wearing to break into the brew house and then leaving behind to blame on the Wild Nogs. Yeah, I guess so. Something like that. Yeah, we're gonna tamper with the large supply of eggnog. We have to be seen doing it too, wearing the jackets. Yeah, totally. We could act like we're there on business.

All we have to do is act like a bunch of pricks. Yeah. And there's a huge shipment happening now because it's Charles Eve time. Yes. So that's like the double-sided benefit of this. You'd be blaming it on the Wild Nogs, hopefully, but also destroying their Nog supply for Charles Eve, which is huge. Okay. Yeah. Borbo went to do some reconnaissance on Nogwizers, the restaurant that they serve all their Nog out of. Yeah, and they have a mascot called the Nogmizer.

He's a terrifying pig man or something. Yeah. And he ran into a little bit of a complication when a pretty young woman sat down at his table and distracted him for a while. Oh, that woman was? Allison. Allison. The succubus, who is just in the mall, apparently, passing through hopefully. And then Borbo came to and sorry, he came as well.

No, he snapped out of it and went into the back to do some reconnaissance and then a few minutes later, burst out of the back running with a mug full of Nog and a handful of papers. Also the Kesser and Ropes thing. Oh, right. Clover went to speak to Seamus O'Shamison to gather some information about the Wild Nogs operations.

He wasn't able to give her much information besides the location of their bike shop and also found out that Seamus is now dating Kesser and Ropes, a leader of the Pixie Sticks, who you have had some run-ins with in the past. And Fenton was able to find out from the Hubberstone Twin, that Kesserin is only dating Seamus in an attempt to raise the status of the Pixie Sticks in association with the Hot Meat Boys. Yeah. Some real, like, social situations going on. Yeah. Pretty mature.

Your kids are growing. Has anybody ever had a birthday? I feel like we've gone a full year. Yeah, probably. Maybe our birthdays are coming up. Yeah. Maybe you all chose the same birthday because you can't remember when you're born. Yeah, it's orphans. It's kind of like Charles Eve. They just come up and we all get enough presents for the other one. All the orphans in the mall chose the same birthday. Oh, yeah. It's orphans' birthday. Yeah. Orphans' day. Orphans' day. Yeah.

It's really cute and sad. That is really sad. We're gonna have to hold onto that for another episode. And yeah, that is where we find our heroes now. I'm gonna say we're recuperating. We're regrouping after Borbo burst out of the Nogmizers. Yeah. So, you know, it's about an hour later because it takes a long time to traverse this mall. But you did run most of the way. Borbo's great. He's got a sheen going on. His heart rate is at maximum efficiency.

He's like, I haven't had a run like that in forever. That was amazing. I'm feeling peak efficiency. Man, he is high on the Nog. He's doing squats right now. He's just, the sweater vest he's wearing is bulging. He's like ripping it as he's doing all these squats and lifts. And Fenton is slumped on the ground next to him. Just like a pile. Yeah, and Borbo is, he reaches down and grabs Fenton and starts curling. Grabs the scruffs. And his shoes and is just like, God, I feel so good right now.

Okay, so here's what I learned. They are brewing there. That's there where they brew, for sure. And you kids, here's what I decided you're gonna do. You're gonna roll your engagement roll now. And this is gonna determine whether or not you're in a good situation or a bad situation. Is it 2d6? Okay, so you start with one die for sheer luck. Take plus one die if this operation is particularly bold or daring. I think so. I'd say so. So that's one.

Uh, is it overly complex or contingent on too many factors? Not really. I think it's like ruin it. Yeah. Yeah. That's what we do best. Yeah, cause trouble. Yeah. Yeah, so you're fine there. Does the plan's detail expose the vulnerability of the target or hit them where they're weakest? I guess they're weakest at the brew house. Yeah, and at Christmas. Yeah, because if you destroy this brew house during Charles Eve, then yeah. So you'll take a plus one die for that.

Is the target strongest against this approach or do they have particular defenses that would make I feel like they might have Oh, yeah, they might be pretty vigilant during Charles Eve. So you'll lose a die for that. Oh, yeah, because they're so tucked in. Are any enemies or rivals interfering in the operation? Yeah, I don't know. Wild nogs might not know that this is what your plan is. They just thought you wanted to fight them. Yeah. What about Kester and ropes? She's in the wind. No.

Oh, but you asked Seamus about it. Oh, so she knows that you've been asking around. Yeah. Minus one die. Yeah. She wilded out. Yeah. Kester and Kester is probably doing shit in the background. Right. Fuck us over. He knows. Yeah. So what do we got to two? Okay. Roll them. Here we go. Three into two. That is a failure. You're in a desperate position when the action starts. Okay. Okay. So Borbo goes over what he saw.

And he explains that there are like six huge vats in the back that they're brewing all the noggin. There were a lot of people working and bottling and there were a decent amount of guards just kind of armed with the usual stuff. Clubs or whatever. Okay. So there's like a loading bay at the back. Yep. There's a bottling machine between the vats and the loading dock. Yeah. Perfect. And there's flats of bottles coming up crates and crates of bottles. A nog. Yeah.

Ceramic bottles with a little pop top ceramic. Beautiful. And they're also loading terrains too for the wild nogs to take out. What if we go in at night when no one's working? Yeah. Sneaking after hours as wild nogs. Oh yeah. And we could be like we are trying to steal nog that we so we don't have to pay for it and then sell it so we can make extra money. Oh. As the fake wild nogs. So we're wild nogs gone. Wrong. So then yeah. Rude descent within the wild nog. Yeah. Totally. Nog's gone wild.

Yeah. Oh god. So you three dress in your wild nog disguises head to the back area of nog wisers and you start sneaking in through a side door that Borbo showed you. What if what if like two of us act as the nogs and then we have one of us who's gonna go in and like ruin it. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay. So who's that one? I'm down to be the one of the wild nogs. Yeah. I think maybe having us because most of the wild nogs are like little scrappy dudes. Um, okay. So Clover's gonna do the sneaking in.

Sure. Okay. So I'll dress all in black. Yeah. You've already been dressing all in black. Yeah. My black velvet. Oh, okay. Perfect. This is the transformation. Yeah. It took the outfit to lock in when we all actually make sense because I like black velvet. Okay. Black velvet and I've put eyeliner on but so chunky because I kept messing up the lines. Oh, nice. So how much do you have on? I don't know. Like I just want it to look natural. Yeah. It doesn't. Okay. I keep going. Keep putting it on?

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Keep doing the next thing. I mean. Oh, sorry. This is it. I guess I could put my hair. Okay. I put my hair up and I stuff it under like a dark toque. Oh, perfect. Sick. Okay. That's good. And what else to make me sneaky? What clothes is she wearing? It was all black velvet stuff. Yeah. You know the 90s stir up tights. So black velvet of that. Oh, yeah. Those black velvet like top turtleneck. You look like a cat burglar. Thank you. So warm.

And I have some really shitty ballet shoes because I thought they'd be very sneaky. Yeah, they look sneaky. Yeah. Those are the only thing that aren't black. Those are bright pink. And Borbo's watching all this happen with like crossed arms. It's like I'm gonna come with I'm gonna come with you. Do you think this is gonna go bad? No, I'm just gonna I'm gonna like be nearby. Okay. You gotta taste the dog, don't you? Are you hooked? On the nog? Yeah. No. Really? You were like guzzling that.

I wasn't guzzling it. I was chugging it. Guzzling implies a lack of control. Chugging is a challenge to be overcome. You couldn't breathe through it. Okay, let's go. And he starts he starts loading up like he has a backpack and he puts like a baseball bat in it and like you know, like another baseball like a catcher's mask. Oh, yeah. He just found a bunch of baseball stuff somewhere. It looks like he's got baseball shorts on. He's got the shirt. Got umbro shorts. Yeah, long socks.

Yeah, the long socks. The cleats. I guess I just have a baseball outfit on. Baseball's the same here, I guess. Oh, it's the poofs team baseball beer league. Yeah. He's the umpire for poofs. And yeah, you head off. So Franklin and Fenton are sneaking in. Clover is going in through an even more back way to sneak into the facility itself. Yeah, she's going in through the employee door. Yeah, totally.

And you're creeping through the actual Nog Weiser's itself as Fenton and Franklin with Borbo nearby go in through like a side loading door. He's there if things go really bad. And also to grab a couple of bottles of Nog that he seems to be immediately addicted to. He has a camel pack on that he wants to fill up. He's like, no, no, no, no, no. What if you see any grab it? And Clover, you're like in it.

You go into the back and you immediately enter the like cavernous brew house and you're trying to creep around. You're pretty deep in. You see guards mingling about and you see Fenton and Franklin on the other side as they creep in. And there is one of the wild Nog's bosses, the supervisor of the wild Nog's, a Nog hog who I guess if they're bootleggers is like, hey, what are you kids doing back here? Oh, yeah. He's got a fedora. He's got a long coat and a tie.

And he's like, kids, hey, hey, what? Hey, hey, it's us. We're wild Nog's. A couple of wild Nog's. Yeah, deliveries until tomorrow. What are you doing here? What are you doing? We came for early pickup for some of the Charles Eve Nog special delivery. Yeah, we're doing old folks homes first because they're going to die soon. I was not informed of any of that. This is not. Who are you? Are you? You don't look familiar. Have you been here before? Yeah, my name is Nimble Street.

That doesn't ring a bell. Well, I don't know what to tell you, man. I'm Nimble Street and I'm here for early pickup for the old folks home. Somebody roll something. I guess I'm rolling swag. Yeah. Five and a six. Okay. He's like, no, that's not. I don't. There's no early delivery. We'll have known if there was. So just maybe here for the very late delivery. We were supposed to be here earlier, but we got held up because did you hear a clubhouse got attacked by a bunch of ding dongs? What?

No, I didn't hear that. Well, they were super cool, but they laid us right out. Come on, kids. It's almost Charles Eve. I don't know how to just come with me. Come on. Come on. Okay. Thank you. I just got most fun. He starts leading you away. Okay. But now you are with a a a nog hog just in the facility. Clover, you are free to operate. Yeah, I am sticking close to the wall in the shadows and I'm tiptoeing on my on my ballet shoe feet. Yeah. Okay. Give me a sneaky sneak roll. Okay.

I have one in prowess. Yeah, you would roll one die. Okay. Please. Three. Three. That's a failure. Shit. Um, and you are trying to like get out of your little hidey hole. And, uh, just as you're about to step out to nog hogs like approach and they're both lighting up cigarettes and they lean up against the crates right in front of you. He's like, man, this is like, this is the worst time of year. So stressful. And he's like, oh, I know. I know. Oh my God.

My, my husband has just been up my ass lately. If the kids want this for Charles Eve, they want that for Chelsea. Oh, I know how it is. And they're just talking. They're not going to, it sounds like this is a conversation that's going to be going on for a while. Um, is there something I can like throw or, um, oh yeah, look at your okay. So my gear, so I brought like, it's just on me just so you guys know, I brought a bunch of like gross dried herbs that I have.

Um, like I swept the floor in the, in the sugar shack and I put in a big baggie. Oh no. I haven't swept that floor for years. Years. And it's got so much, so much glitter and glue from my scrapbook and so much scuff from Franklin's dance moves and all his makeup. Uh, great. So you can mark that off on your, uh, your gear if you want. We'll say that's arcane implements. After Clover swept up, we were like, holy shit, the floor is brown. What? How long has this been brown? There's wood down here?

It's wood? It's a big baggie. Yeah. So what is your plan with the baggie? I was going to dump it in the vats. Nice. Oh, okay. Perfect. Yeah. Gross. I know. There's so much hair in there. So in terms of, um, distraction, uh, yeah, like if you have candy, like pop rocks or something, you could probably throw it. Okay. Yeah. I can mark off pop rocks and I whip them as far as I can. Okay. So we'll call that prowess to see how effective this is. Please! Fuck! Fucking shit! Wow.

Yeah, so you throw your pop rocks and you think you throw them really good, but you throw them straight up so hard. And they hit the bottom of the catwalk that's above you and just go, bang! And the two dudes in front of you look up and go, what the fuck was that? And they start looking around and they, um, are about to see you. Oh, shit. Yeah. What do you do? Oh, I'm behind crates? Yeah. I'm gonna wedge myself into one. Okay. That's also gonna be a roll. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah.

Prowess, probably? Yeah. Prowess. There we go. Oh, shit. Yes. Yes. Yes. Cat burglars move. Yeah. Yeah. You shove yourself into the crates and, uh, the guys look around and they're trying to look by, like, the light of their cigarettes because they don't have any lamps or anything. Lighten their lighter. Yeah. And they're like, wow, what the fuck was that? This place, I swear to God, it's gonna fall down on our heads one day. This is a rickety piece of shit place.

And they start walking away and they're like, let's go to the break room. We gotta stop hanging out under this catwalk. And then they, uh, they disappear. And we cut to, to Fenton and Franklin, who have been taken into an office. There's a radio in the corner playing trumpet music of some kind. Oh, wow. There's a guy, um, pouring a big bottle of eggnog into a little tumbler, swirling it around, takes a slug, puts it on the table. Some guy's playing dice and cards. Really smoky in here.

Hey, can I get a hit of that? No. What are you, three? What? Yeah. What are you, three years old? They all start laughing. Talking to each other. Thirteen and a half, butthole. Only kids say and a half, kids. You're either thirteen or you're fourteen. Oh, I'm thirteen. Alright, that's what I thought. Uh, and the guy who led you in, uh, takes you to a desk in this room and sits you down in some chairs. Uh, take a seat. Okay. I'm gonna see what this early-late delivery business is all about.

I don't know what to, tell you, man. Sadler told us to come down here. He said that there was, there would just be, like, crates that were, like, full that we should just grab. Sadler? He, like, doesn't even open the book when you say that. Sadler told you to come down here? Yeah, he said that it would be, like, extra inventory that you guys wouldn't need and that we could sell off. What?

He said there was a couple of crates, maybe, that could fall off the back of the truck, if you know what I'm talking about, huh? Why would our merchandise fall off the back of a truck? You know, you know how you always give us extra so we can sell and pay for a clubhouse? Somebody roll something. Okay. Uh, yeah, I guess I'm doing sway. Yeah, you're lying to him. But to try and convince him that Sadler's been sneaking in and stealing shit. Sadler's trying to pull something on the side.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and selling it to, like, outfit, I guess, yeah, the clubhouse with shit. You guys could tell him, like, all the cool shit that's in there. Oh, yeah. Alright, here we go. Yeah, there's so, there's a lot. There's a lot of cool stuff at the clubhouse that we, I don't even know how we can afford it. It's really crazy. Fucking shit. Two twos. Two twos? Oh, God.

Um, okay, so he, um, he puts the book on the table and he's like, Sadler told you that there was gonna be extra merchandise down here that you could grab and sell off? Well, he yeah, I guess he said that there's extras that we should come down and grab. Go get the extras so we can finish our games room, he said. Yeah. Get another pinball machine. Frankie, lock the door. And a big No, Frankie, don't do that. Frankie, please leave the door unlocked. Frankie, please don't lock the door.

I don't want you to do it. An orc with, like, huge, thick arms, like, and the button-down shirt rolled up with the suspenders and a hat walks over and locks the door and stands in front of it. Oh, no. Uh-huh. And this guy leans in. I got this. See if I can find the name real quick. Roy McCoy. Alright, Roy it is. Yeah.

So Roy leans in and he goes, If you kids have been pulling a fast one on us, trying to sell our stuff off on the sly, maybe you're gonna hang around here until we can get Sadler in here to clear this all up. No, no, no, don't. Oh, no. Don't. Dude, don't pull the leader in. He'd be Empty your pockets right now. Okay. Okay. Fantastic. Like, takes all the goop out of his pockets and he starts smearing it on Roy's desk. Here you go. Are you telling me that your pockets just have goop in them?

They have different kinds of goop. So what you are telling me, Abdulaziz, the player playing Fenton Beasley, is that you do not have any access to any inventory except for the goop. I have the goop. And then also my cane sword. Alright, hand it over. No, this is, this cane isn't special to me. Okay, hand it over. Fine, here you go. He takes the cane sword and he pops it open and he closes it and he goes, you get this in a gift shop? Throws it over his shoulder. Wait, no.

Got it in a souvenir shop. What, what, how small is this room? How close is everybody together? Um, it's probably about a bit, about as big as this room. So how big would you say this room is? 20 by, 30 by 40? This whole room? Yeah. Yeah, it's a break room. This is like a back room. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like their office, basically. Yeah, like, like 30 feet by 15 feet. Okay. So it's, yeah, it's about that size. Like, the farthest person is 40 feet from you.

And it's a, it's the, it's the dude who is drinking eggnog at the table. Franklin's pulling out all of his different, like, starts pulling out weapons and they, you know, like that classic thing, like, alright, put your knives and he's pulling out a little jackknife and like, nah, keep it coming. And they keep getting bigger and more, like, more swords and sharpened things and pulling them out of his boot, pulling them over the shoulder. Yeah.

Clipping something in his sleeve and pulls out, like, some uh, like a Mars bar nunchucks. Whoa. Kieran Knightley handing over all her guns in Pirates of the Caribbean. Totally that. Oh yeah, and he pulls in his into his pockets and he has just all this, like, two handfuls of powder and holds it up to the guy. What do you want me to do with this powder? I want you to sleep. And it's trans powder. Oh. Wow. Franklin, like, blows it in his face.

Does a somersault over and tries to spread it in everybody's face. Trans powder everybody. Nice. So this is desperate for sure. So mark down a point of experience. You're about to level up again. I'd say this is a finesse prowess. Trying to, like, get around to everybody and blow this trans powder. But it's going to be great effect because they're all pretty tight together. And the door's locked. There's nowhere to put them. Yeah. Totally. Hey, Fenton. Plug your nose. Okay. Puts his fingers.

Abdul just jammed both fingers so far into his nose. It looks, like, painful. Like, your nose kind of changed color when you did it. Oh my god. God, that looks like it hurts so much. Feels great. Feels great is what it feels like. Alright, do you want to increase this roll in any way? Yes. Do you want to take a devil's bargain? Oh my god. Do I ever? Yeah, maybe you don't have time to plug your nose. Oh, so you're going to get knocked out. Yeah, I could. Yeah. I don't have time.

I need both my hands to spread the powder. Okay, so that's three dice. But it means that regardless of the outcome of the roll, you're going to be knocked out. Okay. Here we go. Pass powder to the room. Four. Four. Holy shit. Okay. So many dice and no fives or shits. How are we rolling so badly? Some of them just go like this. We're coming in with a half-assed plan. Yeah. This is, okay, so this is a mixed result. Right. What do we think this is going to be? Roy's out.

Maybe Frankie's out too, but the guy at the table. He's blocked the door. Perfect. There's like a full-grown orc that is laying in front of the door and Franklin is knocked out. So describe this again. He just says, Ben, good luck. Tumble, tumble, bum, bum, bum, bum. And then passes out and like, do your best, bud. Face first. Yeah.

It's like a Sherlock Holmes fight scene where he's planted all out in his head and then it takes four seconds to happen and Fenton's just sitting in a chair as everybody figures up. Yeah. Everything falls like papers are fluttering and Fenton's sitting in the exact same position. He's like, Wow. I'm fucked. Yeah. Shit. What's up, everybody?

It's your boy Borbo, Borbom, Borblo, and I'm trying to go on tour with my band B4, the Burly Beach Bod Bros, and we've got some sponsors that we need to play. To raise tour funds. Check them out. Are you a budding detective? A wannabe do-gooder? Or just have an eye for detail? Are you looking for a task that will be both rewarding and help those in need? Then please, help me. I'm stuck in the service elevator behind the Caprice Theater.

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Well, I think all of that stuff sounds pretty sick, and I would buy it all now. Is that it? Have I fulfilled my contractual obligation? Yeah, you can leave. Okay, great. Bye. Okay, bye. We're going on tour! We'll cut back to Clover. We'll cut back to Clover. We'll cut back to Clover. Hmm. Or maybe there's like a drain on the vats you can find? Yeah, you could roll something to get more information about how this thing works. Okay, yeah, I'll do that. Okay.

So, um, it could be survey, or study, or could maybe be wreck, but it'd be limited effect, probably. Um, I will survey. Okay. Oh, my god. That was a failure. Yeah. This is a one. I rolled a one. I rolled a one. I rolled a one. I rolled a one. Shit. This is, this thing is arcane. Fuck. There's like so many, like, you know quite a lot about machines, mostly how to destroy them for a kid your age. Yeah, and also, like, I know how to distill things, but it's mostly things like essential oils.

Which is mostly just leaving some leaves in a jar for a long time. Yeah, and I'm like, well, it doesn't look like a distillation thingy. There's no steam. There's no cooling system. Where do you even put the leaves in this thing? Yeah. This is what you were expecting the whole time. Where does the hydrosol go? Now that you're looking at this thing that's like huge vats covered in pipes, all like running to different other conduits, you're like, ah, fuck. I do see that they're being churned.

So I wonder if there's a thing that I could, if I can't get all the gross stuff into, like, all the vats, maybe I can clog some of the machinery and that way it can all overheat and curdle or do something gross. Yeah, that was what I was thinking is if you can't find a way to contaminate all the nog, maybe you can just destroy the machine. Yeah, I think I'll do that. Yeah, do it. Okay. Get back to that wreck that is the core of your being. It is.

So how would Clover want to go about wrecking this machine? Okay, so, uh… Um… What? Oh, I was just like, maybe I'd date its girlfriend. Oh, yeah. That's what I'm saying as I, like, monkey bar under like the overpass to get, to the main machine. Oh, cool. Holy shit. It's so cool. There's steam-powered gears that, uh, you know, they work and they, that's what controls all the blades, all the mixers. So I'm like, I'm just like, Seamus thinks he can find someone cooler than me.

I'll show him and his stupid girlfriend what's-her-name Kesser my butt. Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Uh, so, yes. I'm gonna need another roll, I guess, to get to that thing without being caught, because there aren't no guards. Like, there are still guards in the room, for sure. And people working on stuff. Okay, so prowess. Three. Fucking shit! Three! What is happening? I'm so bad at this. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Um, so you see that, like, beautiful all the gearbox, all this perfect confluence of all the things you want to destroy. All this copper. You use your little, like, uh, saboteur, like, instincts, and you just, in your mind's eye, you can see all the diagrams, like, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do going to that gearbox, and you're like, oh, if I just wrecked that thing, this whole thing would fall apart.

And, um, as you're monkey-barring, like, you've got your hands through the grate, you put your hand up, and you grab on, and you're about to swing, and then you feel a pain in your hand as a guard up top steps on your hand, and you hear two voices going, like, and these kids, they just want all the nicest stuff for Charles to use. I just don't know what to do. It's like, I don't know what a fucking mega boy toy is. I don't know.

And he's like, hey, man, you know, that's just what it is when you got a family. You got a bunch of kids, and they want a bunch of stuff. Maybe what you should say is that Charles changed his mind and decided to be a thief again and stole all their toys, and you're just hanging there with this foot on your hand. And I'm crying, like, you know, it's almost worse than the pain I feel in my heart. So, how do you want to get out of this? Do you want to take stress? Yeah, I'll take stress. Okay.

So, we'll call that two stress. So, yeah, you are able to wiggle your fingers out in a way that isn't, like, further damaging. They're just kind of sore. And it's fine, because honestly, my emotional well-being is so damaged right now that I don't even feel it anymore. Holy shit, black velvet. Wow. Or whatever. Dark willow. Yeah. Evanescence over here. She was crying because the pain of her hand, and, like, she looks fucking insane. Right. All her makeup ran down her face.

Looks like her eyes are bleeding black. Cool. And we'll cut back to Fenton in the office. There's a huge orc in front of the door. Franklin is out asleep on the ground. Fuck. Literally, this is the thing I'm worst… Okay. So, I want to look around. What does the office look like? Think about, like, a back room in a gangster movie. Like, it's wooden desk. There's a radio, like I said, still playing. Music. Is there, like, a window in it?

Uh, there's a window in the wall next to the door that overlooks the floor. How far down does it go? This office is on a catwalk. So, you're, um, 10 to 15 feet above the floor. Okay. Yeah. Can I pull the orc's pants off and try and make a rope ladder out of it? Uh, yeah. Okay. You don't have to try. You're in a controlled position. Like, you could get these pants off. Okay. So, I pull up my… I go, I run over and I grab my cane sword from where he threw it.

And it's like, fucking gift shot my ass, piece of shit. And I… He whips the cane sword out and then he points it at the guy. At Roy? Yeah, at Roy for a second. And then he, like, flicks it down and he slices through his belt and he rips his pants off. And then he does that with every adult in the room. Uh, yeah. And it's a bunch of boxers with hearts on them. Yeah, totally. Classic. Uh, yeah. So, you got three pairs of pants and three belts. Okay. And I… Actually, three pairs of suspenders.

I want to turn them into a fucking rope ladder. Okay. Can I use study or survey? It would probably be tinker. Fucking shit. I guess I am tinkering. Okay. I kinda… Okay, so here's what I want to do, because I can't leave Franklin behind. You could try and wake him up, dude. Like, you haven't even thought about that. Do you have any, like, uh… Smelling salts? Something smelly and salty. Ah, like, salted caramel or fizzy things. Any pop rocks? No, my pockets are all just goop. Yeah, I know.

I think I established that. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. God. You just brought goop. No, okay. I'm gonna use the goop, okay? Can I? I mean, continue this thought. Don't just say, I'm gonna use the goop. I'm gonna put it in his mouth, see if it wakes him up. Alright. Franklin drowns. This is a luck die. This isn't even a skill. Is this a thing? This is one die. Okay. And we'll just see how… How it goes. Okay. Wow. Well, those are the two things I wanna do.

I wanna make the rope ladder, I wanna wake Franklin up. Okay. So roll your rope ladder, then. Rope ladder? Five. Yep. Decent rope ladder. Okay. I'm not gonna hold both of you, but it'll hold Fenton. Okay. And then the other one… Fucking… Franklin, wake up! I can't get out of here on my own. One. Fucking shit. Franklin's mouth, when he got knocked out, he clenched his jaw so hard. So you're trying to shove the goo, into his teeth? You're just like, come on, buddy, eat the goo. Eat the goo.

It's wake-up goo. It's the goo I eat when I need to wake up. Oh, it's like protein goo. And, uh, Franklin, through your trance, you feel Fenton trying to mash some sort of goo into your mouth, and you just know, this is wake-up goo. And it is not working. So we'll go back to Clover. Clover is under the catwalks. Has she, like, posted up somewhere so she doesn't… Get her fingers stomped on anymore? Yeah, she's on one of the, um, pillar part. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She's on a support beam.

Like a beam, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Like a little cat woman. Yeah. Um, and she wants to go down to the main machine part to clog it up. Okay, yeah. So… You're pretty close, so I guess we could just… It could just be a wreck, really. Sure. Like, if you want to try and mess this up. Yeah, I'm gonna slide down, like, a pole. Yeah. Okay, so… I have wreck and I have prowl, so that means I can roll, too? Yep. And you're using your bag full of shit? Yeah.

Okay, so that'll make this go from limited to standard effect. Okay. Yeah, so you'll get what you want. Okay. So I got a one and a five. Oh, a one and a five. Okay, great. So, okay, so let me just make sure that I understand. So the plan was to stop it from stirring so it, like, goes bad? So it sets. It's like making hollandaise eggnog. You have to keep… Because it's eggs, so it all just curls. It congeals. Yeah, totally. It's a solid bat.

The thing I will say is the mixed success is this hasn't, like, it hasn't stopped yet. It will eventually, hopefully, but that might give people time to realize something's wrong and fix it, so you could risk it. I'm gonna risk it. And just leave? Oh, sorry, I don't want to risk that. I want to risk myself to make… And do something else to make sure it stops. Yeah, what else do you have in your gear? Because you could just be like, I'm just gonna smash it up and then run. Okay, so I have a…

It says lightning hook, a speed… Garrett mask, armor, arcane implements, and tinkering tools. Oh, tinkering tools? Like, you could start loosening shit or, like, tightening shit. Oh, I have a mushroom knife. Oh, yeah. Sick. Yeah. So the only thing there is that you're gonna have to get closer. Because you, like, dropped the box in, but you're gonna have to get in there and fuck with it. Okay, I'm gonna do a drop down. Okay. So maybe we will make this a desperate wreck. Sure. So the…

If you fail, it will be worse. So I roll this. Yep, you're rolling your wreck. Come on! Son of a fucking bitch. One and three. This is absolute trash. Dog shit. You're just gonna have to think of another angle, I guess. So you get down there next to this box and there's all these whirling gears and shit and you're jamming your knife in.

Time slows down for a second as you watch your knife get closer to these gears and you can tell this thing's gonna get ripped out of my hand, it's gonna make a ton of noise and they're gonna… Know I'm here. Okay. So you can let that happen or you can use some stress or perhaps take a devil's bargain to roll again. Yeah, so I would take two stress to make sure that this works. It would be three stress because this was a desperate roll. No, that's fine. Okay. Fuck. Holy shit.

No, I'm really close to drama. Oh, no. Yeah, but you see your, like, knife going in and you're like, wait, nope. Yeah. Wait, nope. And you pull it away at the last second. And, like, I can tell that okay, so the screws are very specialized and they're huge and I'm like, you know what, I'm just gonna unscrew it, unscrew it and I'm gonna take them with me. That's a great idea. We can use that to pin it on. We can stash the screws at the wild nogs clubhouse.

So I'm gonna take one of the gears and all the screws. Okay, so, yeah, this will be one more wreck and you're gonna try and steal some screws. And one of the gears so they can't even put… Back to Taylor. Yeah, totally. Okay. Now, is there anything you want to do to give yourself more dice? You can spend two stress to push yourself and get an extra die or you can take a devil's bargain. What do you guys think?

I mean, if Clover's in, like, a reckless mood, like, you could take that stress and take the drama and, like… Oh, yeah, you know what? We haven't done this before. We haven't done any drama. Let me check trauma real quick. When you fill your last stress box, you take a point of trauma and reset your stress to zero. Okay, so I have one drama. Oh, fuck. Okay, so how drama works… When you suffer drama, you're taken out of the action, only to come back later shaken and drained.

When you return, you have zero stress and your vice has been satisfied for the next downtime. Drama conditions are permanent. Your character acquires a new personality quirk indicated by the condition and can earn XP by using it to cause trouble. Holy shit! When you mark your fourth drama condition, your character cannot continue as a daring scoundrel. When you mark your fourth one, you're done. Whoa! Whoa! I mean, I already was very moody. Yeah, so… Again, these are the conditions.

They're not on the sheet, but we're gonna use them. These are the conditions as suggested by Blades in the Dark, so they're more gothic crime stuff. Keep in mind. The conditions that you can choose from are cold, haunted, obsessed, paranoid, reckless, soft, unstable, and vicious. What? Jessica wrote down, M-Emo now frowny face. There's something about undoing those gears and unscreen all, and I think also monologuing to myself all that stuff. I'm just like, my life's a sham.

It's all because of you, Seamus, and you, Kessarin. Yeah, man. So you'd be rolling three dice because you took an extra one for the stress. I must succeed. But that's the thing. If you don't succeed, you're still taken out. That's okay. You still have to go home because you're so stressed out. She failed. Holy shit. Failure. Totally failed. She gave Sean such an insane look right before she… She really did. It was stressful to see, actually.

I mean, you could do a devil's bargain and get another die and try one more time. Oh my god. What's the extra negative thing here? Another drama. No, that's huge. That's insane. Yeah, yeah. Um… Just, maybe just harm. Maybe she goes a juvie. She gets caught, she goes a juvie. Oh, she gets busted by Corb Green as she's her security service. Fuck. Security service? That would wreck me. Yeah. I hate serving the community. Please. Four. Four. Four. Holy shit. Mixed success. Oh! Jesus.

Okay, so that's the mixed success, is pinning it on the wild nogs is gonna be tougher because Clover has the stuff on her. Mm-hmm. But as she leaves, she's gonna get nabbed. Okay. Because you guys had a one. You guys are on a wanted level anyways. Like, security's been looking out for you. Yeah. So is it Corb Green who finds me? Uh, no, it's other security. Oh, yes. Maybe it's Millie. Millie? Yeah. Betrayed by your friend. Oh my god. Friend. Oh, and she's gonna be so disappointed in you. Yeah.

Uh, and you, so you unscrew these bolts and take out a gear that was like off to the side that's only engaged during like bottling. So it's not like spinning while you take it out. And you're like, okay, that'll do it. And with that action, I am a criminal. Yeah. I can never go back now. I have lost all innocence. And I will melt into the darkness. Twelve-year-old. I know, and if an adult heard that, they'd roll their eyes so hard.

She takes her journal with all of like the Seamus shit in it and she jams it into the gears and it gets eaten to shreds. Jump, jump, jump, jump. All my dreams, all my hopes and wants, I watch them flake away. And rip apart. And I'm like, it is done. Wow. Whoa. This is wonderful growth. Yeah, this is wild. And you, so you slide down the beam and you creep out the way you came. Moving like a shadow amongst shadows. And you come out into the mall.

And you walk away, heading back to the sugar shack, thinking Fenton and Franklin are fine. Yeah, I've got, I took my like, my toque off and stuff. Like you can tell it's me now. And you see Borbo across the way. Mm-hmm. Watching you. And he's like, oh, hey. I'm like, hey. And as you're waving, Millie, the security guard, and her partner, Tilly. Vanilly. Millie and Vanilly. Oh yeah, Vanilly is her partner, yeah.

And they both like basically come from opposite ends of the frame and stand in front of you. Hi, Clover. Hi, I'm just walking home. Nothing to see. You gotta come with us. Why? You kids have been causing enough trouble in the mall. It's time we took you in. What? I'm not doing anything. I'm just going for a walk. Yeah, well, you can tell it to security. What? Millie. I'm sorry. But we're friends. Clover, I'm sorry. This is, this goes over my head. I liked your scrunchie. I know.

She takes the scrunchie out of her hair and she throws it in the grass. The scrunchie doesn't mean anything anymore. Oh my God, she had a lot right on the scrunchie. I'm so sorry, Clover. I'm so sorry. Oh, you're gonna be in so much trouble. And security walks you away. Fuck. And Borbo. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. It was fake. Bad ass. Ugh. Clover. And we cut back to Fenton, stuck in the office. He started a fire. It worked for Franklin.

That's why, that was his logic. He was like, what would Franklin do? And he took all of the nog and he poured it on all of the pants robe that he made and it was like, fire time. All right. All right. Someone's going to come try and put out this fire. There's humans up here. Definitely. There's a while where the fire, the smoke is just filling the room. It's getting pretty hard to breathe. And then it starts seeping through the door and you hear boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Hey, hey, open, open there. What's going on? Help, there's a fire and there's a fat orc in front of the door. The door opens out. Shit. The door swings out open and there's just three adult men standing in the doorway. Help, help. I need an adult. These adults got too drunk and they passed out. I'm a member of the Wild Nox. I need help. My friend has passed out on the ground because they let him drink too. All right, sway. Two fours. Two fours. Mixed success.

I'm going to take some stress to get another die. Stressful situation. So two stress. Six. Six, there we go. And because you have mesmerist, they're going to forget about you specifically. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. So they burst into the room and they run past you and they grab a, a bunch of nog barrels and they start tipping them out over the fire. Okay. Try and put it out. Isn't there alcohol in nog? Uh, there's some, but not enough that it's like flammable. Okay. That's why it was so much smoke.

Yeah. It was. Yeah. Basically a grease fire. Yeah. They pour more nog on it and they're like, whoa, no. We always knew. Don't put nog on a nog fire. Uh, but they are like, kid, get out of the way. Can you help me drag my friend out of here? Okay. They move Frankie out of the way. They start dragging the adults out of the room and they just left you to your, to your devices. Cause they're going to forget you. You could probably leave a patch. Oh, right. I leave the jacket behind.

Can I try and drag Franklin out of there? Yeah, totally. Okay. Uh, so that would be something like prowess probably. Yeah. I don't have anything. So you're rolling two and taking the lowest. Oh, six and a four. Yeah. Perfect. Uh, so it takes you a long time. Yeah. Uh, long enough that more nog hogs have showed up. To try and put out the fire and find out what's going on. So you drag Franklin out onto this, this catwalk. Who's wearing a wild nog jacket. Yeah.

And they start asking you like, what are you doing here, kid? What are you, who is this? What are you? I was a member of the wild nogs. They were supposed to pick up a weird shipment or something. I gotta go. And they just run past you cause there's a fire. They don't have, they have other stuff to worry about. That actually worked pretty good. Yeah. Setting fires people works great. Let this be a lesson.

Um, um, and the next success is that you're going to, you have to drag Franklin down a staircase. Borbo's. Oh, he's outside. Oh yeah. Well there's smoke too. Yeah. So Borbo is probably seconds from bursting into this room. Cause he also saw Clover get dragged away by security. Oh yeah. He knows everything's gone wrong. Like he said, Clover get dragged away and then saw fires start on a second floor. That's a good point.

So you see a nog hog down at the doorway as he sees you dragging Franklin towards the stairs. He's like, Hey. And, uh, Borbo comes bursting out of the, the door next to him and just slugs them right in the face. He's like, get the fuck out of here. I need help. I need help. Franklin's bigger than me. He just runs and grabs you and he slings Franklin over his shoulder and he just grabs you by the back of your shirt and he starts running out of the place.

Oh, and he is running through the mall with both of you on his shoulders and he gets tired cause he's carrying two kids now and he falls to the ground basically in a hallway. A few corridors away. He's like, Clover, Glover's gone. Glover's gone. Franklin wakes up. What do you mean? Glover's gone. Clover's gone. Security got her. No. Oh no. Security got Clover. We're already wanted. It was Millie. Millie took her. She's so cute. I can't trust her now.

I wasn't, I was going to hit on her, but I haven't. And now I never will. She's a Clover. She's a Clover. She's a Clover. She's a Clover. She's a Clover. She's a Clover. She's a Clover. She's a Clover. She's a Clover away. He stands up and he takes his baseball bat and he snaps it over a pillar nearby. Clover away. Oh kids, I'm so sorry. I should have been there. I'm security and I didn't secure shit. You did the best you could. You saved us when it really mattered buddy. Thank you so much.

It doesn't matter anymore. And he pops a bottle of nog and he starts slamming You stole a nog while you were getting us out of there? Priorities. Did you steal it before or after you came and got us? Don't ask me questions I don't want to answer. Let's get out of here. We got to save Clover. Okay, so… Fuck. That's the end of the job. Sort of. There's always like a denouement afterwards, right? The denouement is planting the thing. Oh, you have them. We can't plant. Have them. Yeah.

You guys could try to… Spring you? Maybe. Or you could go to security. Like, it's not a jail. You know what I mean? To us, it's a jail. It's a jail to us. It's the mall equivalent of jail for sure. I've already like used some chalk to write one day on the wall. In the office? But it's not chalk, it's a pen. It's a pen. It's just the wall. And what… God, what's her name? Tina… Durger? Tina Durger. Tina Durger. Oh, shit. Head of security, Tina Durger. So serious. Yeah.

So we cut to the office. We cut to the office of the head of High Spear Mall Security, Tina Durger. Clover is in a chair having just drawn a one on the wall in pen. She's like, hey, kid, don't draw on my walls. You can't tell me what to do. Actually, she rips her badge off, leaving a hole in her shirt and slams it on the counter. I can. Because I'm the head of mall security. Yeah. Well, I'm the head of my own butt. So I draw another. Line on the wall.

Whoa, kid, you're on the fast track to detention. That's what we call it when we detain you. I don't care. I've already been detained, so nothing can hurt me now. Look, I know you and your little your little frost pot boys or whatever the hell your names are. What are you called? The ice cream kids? I know this tactic and I'm not going to answer anything. You can't get any information out of me. What do you mean? No, you have to answer. I don't care. What? She looks over at the other.

She looks over at Millie. Tell my parents. I don't have any. And she looks over at Millie and Millie is like, it's true. She doesn't. OK, well, what I can do is throw you in holding until maybe you feel like answering some of my questions. What do you think about that? Well, I think it is stupid. And I'm not going anywhere. I cross my arms and then I like intertwine my legs through the chair as if you'll stop. You hook your feet around the chair legs. Yeah.

And then a giant orc comes over and just picks up the whole chair and then puts you in a cell. Yeah. You get moved to an actual like cell. Wow. Can I fight a bunch? I mean, yeah, you could try something for sure. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. No preteen girl fight where she's. It's just like there's spindly legs flailing. Yeah. Yeah. That's terrifying in a really weird way. And if you pull it off, you might actually be able to break out of the hold of whoever this is and get away.

So is it like wreck kind of or skirmish? Probably skirmish. OK, so one. Yeah. So roll four. OK, so you get picked up by this orc. She's like, come on, kid. You're just going to a cell. It's fine. No, I'm not going to. So I kick my legs up with the chair and I like start flailing my arms. Yeah. Pulling on her, her hair and her clothes. And she is trying so hard to get a hand on you. It's really difficult. Yeah. It's like holding a cat. Yeah. I'm I haven't let go of the cherry. I'm using is like.

Leverage. Wrestling. Yeah. You W. W. F. Kicking it everywhere. But you actually like you bop her in the nose. In that way where it doesn't like break or anything. But getting hit in the nose always hurts. It's teary. Mad. Yeah. And she drops you and you're like free for a second. I bolt. Yeah. I bolt. Yeah. So prowess. Yeah. Five. Five. Finally. Fucking finally. So that's another. That's another mixed success.

I'm going to say that the mixed success on this is not that you are not going to get away. I think you are going to get away. But there's going to be like wanted posters up before. And that's why she has to desire. Her black. Oh, you know, I am. Yeah. Oh, my God. My prized hair. Yeah. Millie knows where you live, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. So you're going to have to not go home for a while. I have to live with Greg. Oh, no. Fuck. Okay. So way. Yeah. So you got. Oh, you know what? I think it is.

Borbo, Fenton, Franklin are like going to the security head security office to be like, we got to get Clover. And they are like pretty far away. Down the hallway, but they can see the office and they hear a crash and a bunch of yelling. And then you Clover comes bursting out of the door and see you. You make eye contact with all three of them and securities on your tail. And you start running the other way. Yeah. You like look at them and you just run away from them.

Oh, and they see you guys see Clover run off with security on her tail. Clover. Clover. No. And Borbo puts his hand on you guys. We're going to have to figure out another way. We can't scan these kids. Any long. And yet we're still afraid to stop. The fire. What started out as shit talk is now a gang war. And all we did was piss upon their bikes. We tell ourselves that it's cool. Treat kids forever. We say that consequences won't draw near. Clovers. Now. Got drama. That's forever.

Will she now be more with emotions? We must fear. And even as we wonder where she's running to tonight, we know her drama will pose issues for anyone. She tries to fight and she's getting. Far. Other than. Me. Ever. Thought. I give you the charm. I give you the charm. I give you the charm. I give you the charm.

So we can't fight these kid gangs anymore We've forgotten what this job was even for I think it's time to bail upon the score And throw away the candy store forever Cause we won't fight these kid gangs anymore Chlorine's what we are fighting for And if we had to bake and stick with cheese Make a deal with those hobbies But we can't fight these kid gangs anymore We've forgotten what this job was even for And throw away the candy store forever And throw away the candy store forever Cause we won't fight these kid gangs anymore