Episode 2 – Fortune Favours the Blade

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound Their wares are famously tasty Here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisperer, she makes all the sweets She has a point of addiction Benton's the sly, she sleeps the same And writes the empire of fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's what they were before So gather round, friends Endless in clothe For the tale's about to start There you go, that's recording.

Wow, all right. That's never happened before. That's the first time that happened. That's fine. That's okay. Never happened before. It's all good. It just means that we got warmed up. No big deal. We did a rendition of Skater Girl that is lost to time now. It was fine. It was pretty good. Yeah, it was pretty good. Pretty good? It's good. We'll do an extra recap song next episode. Sorry. No, it's okay, man. That was so funny. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Spoutmore Mall Brats.

I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me is always playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdul Aziz. Hello, everybody. Playing Franklin Stein. Franklin Stein. And the cutter, Paul Oppers. Hi there. And playing Clover Ivy Fear and the Whisper, Jessica Tai. Hi. When last we left our heroes, the Cool Treat Kids put on a funeral for their good friend, Clover Ivy Fern. Mm-hmm.

Convinced that it was necessary for all the kids to know that their lives had changed irrevocably because Clover had moved into the tunnels, convincing all the kids in the mall that Clover had died. Yeah, we didn't clarify at all exactly what we were doing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think Clover's dead now.

As Clover watched from the rafters while the funeral was attended by all of the children of the food court and Doris of Shitty Foods. That must have felt good. Yeah, it did, actually. It was very validating. Holy shit. Except for one of the pairings. Oh, yeah. Being Seamus Seamason and Kessarin Ropes. Mm. Kessarin telling everybody how close her and Clover were. Yeah. We were not close. And unless I'm mistaken, Clover was the closest. Clover spit and or farted in the direction of Kessarin Ropes.

It was spit. It was just spit. Yeah. But she was farting up in the… Right. That's what it was. Yes. Then after the funeral, everybody moved into the tunnels, traveling through the bad bathroom, aka the outer outskirts of the chocolate factory, discovering a candy jungle and some sort of horrid monsters within. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Going into Greg's sanctum, a maintenance tunnel slash boiler room where he lives and grows his mushrooms and Clover is living, along with his mushroom dragon, the tiny little like newt-sized dragon that lives on his shoulder and eats mushrooms. Mm-hmm. We learned about the study group, a group of tunnel goths that live down here and have their own secret library, and did some leg work discovering the weaknesses of the head of security, Tina Durger. Mm-hmm.

Learning that she has a bad relationship with her mom. Mm-hmm. She has bad knees or a bad back or something. And most importantly, she is working off the books with the vineyard to cut a real estate deal within the mall and force the food court out of the real estate game. And we learned a bit more about the real estate plans of the vineyard, which just involve buying up all of the stores in this part of the mall. Mm-hmm. Developing. Mm-hmm.

And then with all of that information, decided to pull the most high stakes score of perhaps the Cool Treat Kids career. Yes. Break up Kesserin, Ropes, and Seamus. Right, because I learned that Kesserin was the one who informed. Right. She's the one who told Millie and, well, and Tina Durger where to find Clover. Clover. That you guys were pulling a job in the knock hogs. Yeah. And also, I cleared stress by writing a book. With the elf. Yes. With the hobnob. That's true.

And Franklin began some work on some new weapons. Yeah. Gummy bear. Yeah. Which were still unclear if you eat it or stick to, it sticks to you, but it turns you into goo or something. I'm working on that. I'm working on that. It makes your bones turn to jelly. Yeah. Jelly worms. Yeah. Gummy worms. Makes you all jelly. Horrific. Yeah. And that is where we find our kids now. Preparing. To. Break up. Break up. Break up Kesserin. And Seamus. So, uh, the way. Franklin's doing pushups. Oh yeah. Good.

That's great. He knows how. And Fenton's doing pushups, but he's, he's, he's doing the, like the weak version of pushups. Like the wall ones? Uh, yeah. I was going to say the knee ones, but also I don't think he's strong enough to do knee pushups. Yeah. Knee pushups can still be tough. Yeah. So he's got his belly resting on the ground. He's just like pushing up from his belly. Yeah. While you two are doing pushups, I have a white. I have a white. I have a white. I have a white. I have a white.

I have a white. I have a white. And I have a plan of attack written on it, drawn on it. Oh. Um, talking about like, these are Seamus's favorite date spots. These are his likes and dislikes. This is Kestron. Um. I like that Seamus, like the drawings of their two faces, it really looks a lot like Seamus, but Kestron looks like a horrible monster. Like, yeah, with all this girl stuff on the face. Yeah. I thought like, I gave her fangs and like blood coming out of them. Yeah, totally.

That's totally what Kestron looks like. And then she's got a white face. She's got all these fart smells around her and the dead flies in her hair. You can always tell that she's coming because it smells like shit. Fucking beautiful. Clover's been duct taping to her outfit for like two months. We all know who smells like shit here. Yeah, Clover's just projecting. For some reason, she hasn't changed her clothes. Yeah.

I like the idea that she does take that outfit off, but she duct tapes it back on her body fresh every day. Yeah, and you can't wash it because otherwise all the tape is going to come off. Yeah, what would you do with all that duct tape? I don't know. There's literally no other option. Anyway, back to the map. Yeah, and here's when we're going to start doing engagement stuff, the engagement roll, again, to help us plan this stuff. Great. So with every score, you need to decide your plan.

So there are six choices for what kind of plan you're going to do. Assault, do violence to a target. Deception, lure, trick, or manipulate. Stealth, trespass unseen. Occult, engage in supernatural activity, which is like the weird chemical, magical horoscope stuff. Social, negotiate, bargain, or persuade, or transport, carry cargo or people through danger. Probably not transport. I really doubt it's assault because you kids are not that style. Probably not occult?

I mean, we are working on that mushroom that changes your consciousness. It'd be funny to see what happens when Kessron gets it. It makes a pig smarter. Maybe turn her into a pig-brained moron. That's a great plan. Match her pig vampire face. That's a really good idea, Franklin. I never thought of that. And I add it to the board. Turn her into a pig. She's like eating shit. And Fenton's just like, so do we want to drug her again? Oh, yeah, no. Remember we did that that one time.

It really felt bad. It really changed the direction of our entire lives. And she might see it coming. So I scratched that up. And I feel like we had to work for a while to get Clover off of the assault. We just, we can't, Clover, please. You've got to slow down. Why not? It's just not a good scene. We don't want to be the kids that, I mean, we burn the fudgies. People are already kind of iffy on us. Yeah.

And eventually, while you guys were talking to her, Greg just like rolls up in his chair and rolls right up to the board and erases assault and then just leaves. Dad. You know, come on. No, you can't. No, I'm not going to let that happen. God. Fine. So deception, lure, trick, or manipulate. Like how do you guys think that they would attempt to. With social one of them? Social, yeah. Okay.

Negotiate, bargain, or persuade, which could just be you trying to persuade Seamus to break up with them or break up with Kessaron. Or that he still has a shot with Clover. Oh. He's obviously still in love with her. That'd be so funny. We'd have to reveal that you're not dead. Yeah. To Seamus. This is starting to sound kind of occult, actually. We can make Beth him like a ghost of a lover's past. Yes. That's so funny. That's a good idea. And then have him break up with her.

And we all, what if we do it in a public place? Like at a Sadie Hawkins dance? Yes. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's a good idea. Like maybe that dance is coming up and we're like, how can we? Yeah. Yeah. Rig this. Yeah. And then what if we revealed that you were alive at the end of the dance? Like Carrie? So let me, okay. Let me make sure that I have this straight. The plan right now is to try and convince Kessaron and or Seamus that they're being haunted by Clover. I didn't even consider Kessaron.

That's really good. That's a good idea. Oh, I thought that was the plan. I thought we were just going to convince Seamus he was being haunted by. We could do both. And then, you know, one of you guys could dress up as me. Dibs. Dibs on that. Okay. All right. Perfect. I didn't even say anything. I was going to say Franklin because he's a little more like graceful and tall and willowy. She's picking her nose and falls over. Fine. Whatever. Franklin, you could do the thing.

And then I throw the purple wig on the ground. Buddy, you already have the wig here. It's yours. No, I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it because people think I'm too small and, and, and rotund. And everybody thinks that I, if I fall on a slope, I'll just keep rolling. And that happened once. Okay, guys. Okay. So the plan is a cult. In fact, that's pretty. And so the detail that you need for a cult is the arcane method, which sounds like disguises.

I think also we could do something where we not drug them, but create an atmosphere of wackiness. Somehow. Yeah. Like smoke machines and like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, translucent. Oh! What? Yeah. Because remember, he feeds his mushrooms to the little dragon in the dragon's see-through now. Yeah. Yeah. Greg, do you have any more of those left? Well, I mean, I got some of them, but I don't know if they're ready for human consumption. Oh.

He starts turning a little translucent. I mean, I have no problem eating them. I don't know if I'd feed them to a 12-year-old girl. Wait, are you 13 yet? Uh, not yet. All right. I can't feed them to a 12-year-old girl. Wait a second. No, Greg, stop. Hold on. I recall in my memory that I turned 13 last week. Oh, yeah. We had a happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. You were there. Greg. And Borbo rolls into the room on his rollerblades.

He's like, Clover, it's not your birthday. Yeah, it was. Shut up, Borbo. Remember, it was last week. I thought your birthday was in like six months. No, it's in one year. It's in less than a year. Because I already turned 13. Wink. And then Fenton throws the broken half of the cane sword at him. Okay, so Greg is weak. You could potentially get some mushrooms from Greg. What do I roll? You tell me. Remember, you tell me the action that you could use, and I'll tell you how effective it'll be.

Well, we're lying to him and telling him you're 13. I guess sway, so I'll have to do a resolve. Yeah. Okay, so I have one in resolve. Okay. So I roll one. Mm-hmm. Three. A three, I believe, is a failure. No. Damn. We might just have to steal. Yeah, three is a failure. Yeah, that would be the consequences. If you want them, you're going to have to steal them, which might hurt your relationship with Greg. Or you can just figure out a different way to do it. He goes, no, Clover, come on.

I know a little bit more than giving strange mushrooms to little kids. He's fully clear now. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's see-through. He's just been turning clear the whole time he's been talking to you. Can you move a little bit? We can't. I can't really pinpoint you. You're making me I'll. You can just see his full eyeballs jiggling in his head above his mustache. Gross.

Maybe when you're a little bit older, I'll let you take some of the weirder stuff, but I wouldn't feel good about that. Fine. You're not invited to my birthday anymore. Clover, come on. No. Wow. Which is in exactly one year minus a week. You hear that, Mushy? We're not invited. We're not invited. And I think his name was Mushy. And he's totally limp on Craig's shoulder. He doesn't react. But you get the idea that Mushy's sad that he's not allowed to come to the birthday party.

It's a real person, but their see-through is so creepy. Oh, I hope that's a ghost. I almost want it to be a ghost now. 3D clear person. It's really creepy. Okay. So we know the method. Do you have disguises? Yeah. Or would you need to get disguises? Ooh. You might need some spooky dresses from… Oh, yeah. The, uh… The Goths. The tunnel Goths. The tunnel Goths. The study group. I don't want to talk to them. I'll talk to them. I've been actually hanging out with them. Okay, cool. All right.

The plan is to go to the study group to try and get some of their… The old timey, some powdered wigs and weird clothes. They might have makeup that we can wear that'll make us look like ghosts, I guess. Okay, let's go. Okay. So you head through the tunnels as you get further and further from Greg. Greg's fairly brightly lit. Like, he takes care of his area and makes sure that the tunnels around it are easy to navigate.

But the closer you get to the study group's lair, the lights start to dim and are replaced with, like, dim white flames in old school, like, wrought iron lanterns. Whoa. Cool. Pipes run along the ceiling, gently hissing steam, sometimes sounding almost like a pipe organ. A soundtrack. Gloomy. And foreboding. Ah. And then the lights get even darker. Ah. You can't… You can barely see in front of your face. Can we light up our flashlights or duct tape to our body? Right. Yeah, you can do that.

Now you immediately turn all your flashlights on and you hear a bunch of kids go… And you're in a relatively towering, which means it's two levels instead of one level. Ah. Ah. Sanctum. Ramshackle bookshelves. It's everywhere. Books covering every inch of this place. And people in black, ornate clothing, dresses, suits, capes, cloaks, robes, standing all around you. Hello. We come in peace. Someone glides forward. They look like they're about 15 years old. Oh my god. A pallid. Look.

A real vampire. Oh my god. Oh my god. A sharp, Romanesque nose. A nose. Slick back. Hair. Like a suit with a string tie. Like the ones that are kind of like a bow and then the strings run down. Like Colonel Sanders. Like Colonel Sanders. And they say, welcome. What brings you to the abode of the study group? Uh, we have come to beg from your royal vampiric highlanders.

The, the, uh, honor of using some of your makeup and old timey clothes to help scare a little girl and a little boy into breaking up with each other. And then he flips the cape. Uh, and, uh, the 16 year old boy runs his hand along his absolutely hairless chin and is very clearly pretending to rub like a long goatee. Yeah. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee. A long goatee.

That's not there. So, hmm. An interesting proposition. Continue. He looks at Franklin as Franklin steps forward. Uh, Lord Sanderson III, I have been training some of your men in the ways of candy battlement and you have been teaching me to, um, be one with the sh-sh-sh-sh-shadows. Is this true? Yes. Okay. Okay. Okay. Franklin has been training, uh, some of the people in- Because they're just a bunch of goth nerds. He's been trying to teach them how to defend themselves. So is this a flashback?

Because we haven't done a flashback in forever. I guess it technically is a flashback. Let's see a quick montage of what does it look like Franklin's training some of the study group. Uh, he's doing, um, first he has them all like doing wall pushups and the most of them are just like, oh, like standing against the wall. And then the one of the guys like has a book that he's put up against the wall and he's reading. Trying to turn the page. And he's like, no, no, no. And slaps the book out.

And he's just like giving them fists like you can do it. And then they cuts to the next scene and they're all doing knee pushups, but they're falling. They're failing. And the other guy's got the book and he's like, he's got his nose caught in it. And then the cuts to, um, corner that they're pointing in. This camera zooms into the, like the darkness of the corner with, I think. And Franklin's like, and then, uh, what did I just call him? Lord Sanderson the third. Yeah. He's like, like.

And he's like, oh, it was gently pushes him in towards it. And he walks in for like two seconds and then they turn the lights on and everyone's there and it's like happy. And there's a cake there. And they're like, hey, see, it's okay. There's nice things in the dark. And he's like, oh, I guess. And he peed himself a little bit. And then they go back and they're all doing pushup, full pushup. Wow. Bum, bum, bum. Uh, and. Eye of the tiger playing.

Uh, and Sanderson goes, you have taught us well, young Franklin. And he gets down one and on one. One. And then offers his, um, candy cane sword as like, you know, uh, my sword is yours. I am your hired cane. And he picks up the sword and he considers it and then hands it back to you. Hilt first. Wow. Rise. And he, uh, holds his hand forward and on his, uh, ring finger is one of those glow in the dark spider rings. Sick. And he holds it forward to you to kiss. Oh, to kiss. To kiss.

Yo, you want me to kiss that? It is our costume, yes. So everyone's kissed that? Most. A little spritz. Gives a little spritz and then kisses it. Mm-hmm. What would, what would he call you? Like, you're definitely a knight of the study crew now. Oh, a knight of the, yeah, a knight of. Su-su-su-su-su-strong sweeties. Yeah. I guess. I. Stein. I mean. Works fine, Sir Stein. Sir Stein. I mean, tux. Well, I remember my half-boy tux t-shirt. Yeah.

You could call him, like, Steam Knight or Tunnel Knight or. Yeah, Shadow Whisper. Yeah. We'll, we'll think about it. Yeah. You can workshop those names. We're actively workshopping it right now. So, uh, Tunnel, Tunnels, Sword, um, Sugar, Sugar Sword. What about. Sugar Sword. Sir Sugar Sword. Stein. Sir Stein of the Sweetblood. Wow. Wow. I love it. I like that. So legal. Whoa, that's pretty good. I, okay, all right, okay. Rise, Sir Stein of the Sweetblade. Stand up and take a bite of his blade.

You are a trusted ally of this country, and thus we shall impart on you these things that you ask of us. Thank you. It is an honor and a privilege. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I give you the privilege. The honor is all yours, Shirley. No.

And, uh, a couple attendance, uh, that look like they're the same age, but for some reason in this role-playing, they've been told that they're the attendance, step forward with a box of clothes and like a bag of makeup and he says, now, begone from all domain. Okay. Then we back up. Yeah, we all back up in unison. Thank you. Bye. Thanks again. Thank you. See you later.

I knock over a candelabra as I walk It's fine Someone will pick it up Just go please We're playing a game We turn and run I knew you'd hear him go Are they LARPing? Do we walk in on them LARPing? Oh yeah they're definitely LARPers 100% LARPers They LARP as like Victorian vampires Yep definitely Okay cool so you have clothing and makeup And you don't have mushrooms But you're thinking about stealing them Is this going to happen? Is somebody going to steal these mushrooms?

I'm going to steal them when Greg's asleep When he's having his afternoon nap We're going to steal from Greg?

Just a little bit I'm just going to cut off the tiniest little shroom He probably won't even notice Okay Okay So Clover knows when Greg takes his afternoon nap Like he's at his desk In his chair And he works and he works and then he just And Mushy Doesn't move an inch A muscle but his little His little eyes close Okay I sneak up I go to the little Mushroom place Which is an aquarium Yeah he has like fish tanks Okay Franklin can you hoist me up?

Up up up Okay Fenton the scissors And I throw the scissors in the air and I'm like Okay I'm going to steal them I throw I throw And it's They were open when he threw them too So it's just like blades everywhere Oh my god In the dark Just whipping through the air Honestly I'm not going to make you roll Because the potential of Greg finding out that you stole these mushrooms Is of more concern We could get grounded We could get kicked out Yeah Alright yeah so you sneak up on him And you snip off just like a tiny little Tiniest little mushroom Yeah And it's surprisingly like hard to cut through Because it's so squishy Yeah But tough so it's like Yeah It's weird Very rubbery But I do it And I put it in my pocket Yeah Maybe the thing is that you think you only have enough For one of you to do this like translucent thing So it's something you're going to have to hold on to Until you're ready for it Yeah And Fenton shows up with a smoke machine Where'd you get that?

Uh Uh Flashback Flashback I'm talking to Tremolo Remember? And the The The elves that were running the cooler for the fudgies Oh yeah That one time Oh right The unionized elves? Yeah And I uh I was like hey dude Are there any elves that like work in a smoke machine That would do me a solid for freeing you guys?

Um Yeah no my cousin works in a smoke machine I can talk to him Okay cool Uh the only thing is And he We cut to the smoke machine Because elves are not small really It's like It's like a big box on wheels That you gotta roll around Oh okay so it's huge It's probably about Knowing how big Fenton is It's probably about as big as Fenton So Fenton pushes in a box That is the same size as him And he's like Guys I got us a smoke machine And his cousin the elf Is just like this big Big elf Yeah the door pops open He's like Hey what's up kids?

He's smoking He's got a huge Like a cigar and a pipe He's got a huge cigar in his hand Saying what's going on? He's got a little fireplace in there too He's got a lot of different ways To make fire He's got little tiny Like herrings hanging On a string He's smoking Yeah Happy to be of assistance Well thanks What's your name?

Uh I don't know you tell me Uh Beefy Randy Beefy Randy They call me Randy Beefs Happy to help Close the door Okay There you go Click Whoa How do we get The smoke out When it's time? You don't even worry about that Randy Beefs Has got a lot of control Okay We just tap the lid then? You give this box a good kick You want us to kick your house? Oh jeez Are you okay? Do you want anything else?

No This is all I need In life Okay Uh so you guys have all the stuff That you need Now you just need to tell me Where you're doing this Yeah well Clover what was on your Um Your crime board Of Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Oh you mean this And I swirl it around The drawing of Kessarin Has become more elaborate And she looks like a sphinx now Like she's got the body of a goat Oh like a liger Yeah I started coloring it in And doing like shading on it I mean it's Like I'm not a good artist So it's really bad A lot It's really good There's a lot of time put in I'll say that A lot of time Yeah The emotion is there Yeah Yeah Flies dying Yep From the stink Yeah From her stupid shitty face Yeah Yeah She poops out of her face There's a little note That says she poops out of her mouth And then A snake's like her And there's a snake Giving a thumbs up somehow A snake's like her Uh Yeah So like Is this gonna be Like does Clover have a list Of locations That they're gonna stake out To see if they're going on a date Yeah So some of his date spots That I knew That he would Um Like Were If he If he wants to be fancy He likes to go to poofs Um But Usually his Most favorite spot Is Chili's And what No no no What is Chili's Chili's is A white people Restaurant Wait Is it Arctic themed Delete that That's not what I meant Um Chili's is an Arctic themed Restaurant For white people I mean snow people Yeah I mean Um It's for people Who can't handle spice And it often features The foods of the north Everything's got mayonnaise in it Yeah A lot of Uh Ice cream Pasta salads Every dish comes with Like a little bowl Of sour cream Just in case It's too spicy So it's like Traditional like Northern food But Uh Scaled back for The more like Principalities palette Yeah All the tables have salt And they're all like No pepper Yeah Yeah He also likes to go to Um The light depot And go to the Twinkly light section And go Oh Walks under there Oh wow Wait so he goes to like A home depot And walks through The light section That's really romantic That is such a wicked move For a 12 year old boy That's very cute But you have to walk Through the toilet section To get to the light section Yeah But there are Some really nice toilets In there Some really fucking romantic There's a two seater Romantic love seat toilet Yeah And he will take his date To those toilets as well Yeah you're allowed To sit on them Yeah I took Penny there once We didn't know The toilets were hooked up Um I'm Honestly most Most of us don't They had to They had to hook them up They were for years And they're like We gotta just simply We have to plumb these These need to be plumbed We simply have to plumb these It was just cheaper Yeah Cheaper These are cheaper This is Gene They got a new manager He's like I have a wacky new idea I love it Um He also Uh Like Like Like Like on group dates He likes to sneak into The The pool area And go to the hot tub After dark Whoa Wow Holy shit Hot tub after dark That's cool That's scary too That is spooky That is a scary That is a scary location Are we going back To the crystal pool Oh yeah The location of one of our Worst failures We could Yeah let's do it I think so Yeah But after dark That's the plan After dark Crystal pool After dark Crystal pool After dark Crystal pool After dark Crystal pool Oh sorry shit Sorry I thought you We were all doing it for a while No we're done man We're done Um This time The dark is after Is Borbo coming along Do you think Borbo Has Borbo been hanging out With you guys Now that you're in the tunnels Or Do you think he's kinda Yeah he's still around Okay cool Yeah he's living down there with us Oh he lives down here with you Okay cool He's been going up and checking out And making sure Like the door is open Or the door is locked Yeah He goes and checks the sugar shack To make sure everything's cool Oh yeah He needs Maybe he's like going in and out Of the sugar shack To convince the security guards That are hanging out out there Oh no That are staking it out That we're still in there Oh that's good Yeah And he does like the home alone Style thing Yeah totally I'm still here Being pining over the little girl boy Sorry thing that I used to love He's doing like puppets Yeah That's exactly what he's doing all day And then he comes back Into the room Into the tunnels at night And he sleeps on that sofa bed Right yeah Yeah There was that sofa bed That he was obsessed with Right yeah Oh right So it turns into a bed Yeah and every time he does The home alone style Christmas party puppet show Corb Green is outside the sugar shack Looking at it with binoculars And he's just like It's always the same song I guess they're all still there Party Okay great So the plan is to go to We missed the Sadie Hawkins dance again Cause we came up with the pool Oh right Right Fuck Well whatever The pool's cool No wait The Sadie Hawkins dance Is at the pool Oh so it's like an No it's at It's at the lighting depot Right That's fine So that So here's the thing Is like we We can haunt them a few times Before we Yeah Before we get them to finally break up I think it's good Yeah Okay so okay So the plan is to hit them At each of his date spots Okay Yeah But hit him at each of the other Hit him at Chili's At Poofs At the pool At the pool And then Finish it off At the Sadie Hawkins dance That's great In the light depot Which is a store that just sells lights And And toilets Toilets And toilets Well they don't sell toilets They just have a bunch of them It's a public washroom In a light store Gotcha But it's a public bath It's a public washroom In the way that Roman baths Were public baths Everything's just out in the open Yeah Yeah Totally Okay I love it So we're gonna do an entanglement roll To see How this Job Starts Basically Okay So the first First place you're gonna go is Uh We're gonna go to Chili's Chili's Okay Sick So you know that Seamus and Kasserine Are going to Chili's tonight Yeah Okay Because Chili's Uh Thursdays Is Chili's night And everything is 50% off Okay Jessica Let's roll it back two seconds What?

So At the restaurant Chili's Thursdays are Chili's night That's like saying At the restaurant Kills Thursdays Are Kelsey's day Yeah But it's They didn't know what else to call it Uh huh And it is It's all Chili And it's also what the kids Just refer to it as As Chili's night Oh yeah Because that's when all the food Is half off Right yeah So that's the night That they can afford to go to Chili's Totally The kids call it Yeah the kids call it Chili's night Because that's the night They let kids from the mall Into Chili's Every other night of the week They're like No mall kids Yeah You have to let the steam valve Of children wanting to go to Chili's off Once a week There's so many kids That are trying to go on dates There's gonna be so many dates Happening at this restaurant Oh man Just because they have one item That's called date apps Yeah Date appies Yeah As pigs in a blanket Yeah Yeah Sausages Uh Uh okay great So You start with one die For sheer luck I'm using one of the virgin dies That's That's risky I wish you guys Would stop calling them that Hey Do we all need one?

Uh no you do It's just one One roll So one die Are we cool with this? Yeah Yep for sheer luck Uh is this operation Particularly bold or daring?

I'd say yes Oh I guess so Because I mean I'm a wanted criminal Totally And you're dead You're gonna reveal your Hopefully just your Your spirit Also from an emotional perspective Breaking Breaking people up Is a big deal Yeah Yeah Good for you guys Not for Paul I got my parents To get divorced I got my parents To get divorced One time Twice actually And I know because they said It was because of me Uh Uh okay Plus one die For it being that Uh So you get another one Yeah Is this operation Overly complex Or contingent On many factors?

Yeah I guess Kinda yeah So take one of those away Oh no then Nope take it away Does this plan's detail Expose a vulnerability Of the target Or hit them Where they're weakest? Yeah Yeah On dates Take one Is the target Strongest against this approach Or do they have a particular Defense or special preparation? Nope Can any of your friends Or contacts Provide aid or insight For this operation?

Yeah Oh yeah Could Greg Yeah Provided the mushroom And our friend who works As a dishwasher Yeah Borbo works at Poofs Right I forgot about that Yeah So you get plus one for that Are enemies or rivals Interfering in this operation? They don't even know Clover's alive So no So let's Let's go ahead and roll it Let's do it Oh my god Two five four What's your highest one?

Five Five Mixed result You're in a risky position When this starts Yeah So walk me Let's talk about The beginning of your first haunting And where we end up When it becomes risky So We open at Chili's How is this gonna work?

They're They're seated outside There's outside seating Outside of the restaurant Not outside the mall Okay It is chilly Okay so they're They're seated outside It's two Seamus is what Thirteen, fourteen years old And then like Kessarin who's like Maybe just turned thirteen And they're being very Seamus does not look like He's happy to be there Oh Interesting He's dolled up too He's done Oh yeah Fresh new haircut Yeah he looks great New clothes But in a way that like Clover if she were watching Knows that that's not his style Cause Kessarin is changing him Oh my gosh He never brushes his hair I thought you were gonna say teeth Or teeth So plaque free Okay so where is everybody?

Yeah we gotta figure out How we're gonna do this first I thought we would try like Voices first Okay I was trying to set them Outside of the restaurant A little bit So we have them alone Yeah Yeah they're seated outside There's a couple other tables Like behind one of those Like fences Get the shit out of the table Okay so you guys Do you wanna like sneak Is there a way we can get Under their table And then Well I don't know Putting table techniques I don't know Do the cool tree kids Have access to maps And plans of tunnels And maintenance passages Yes we do Yeah we should We do indeed Yes okay cool Okay so You're in a maintenance passage Underneath the table That Kessarin and Seamus Are sitting at And we're listening To what they're saying Through the pipes Yeah Okay And so Kessarin is just Like And then So at this point As you understand Tiffany was just like Kessarin I don't think That I am ready To wear heels that high And I was like Tiffany You'll never be ready At that rate So you're either Gonna do it now Or you're never gonna do it So put them on And then she rolled her ankle And it's like come on It's not my fault You have weak ankles What the fuck This girl's awful And Seamus is just like Uh huh Yeah Uh huh Mm Yep She stopped talking Like a minute ago Yeah She eventually stops And every three seconds He just goes Oh Wow Yeah Is that right You don't say And uh Okay so are all of you Under the table Or is somebody watching From nearby I was thinking Franklin was above The restaurant Oh yeah Okay To try and do some Upper steam stuff Oh yeah Okay so you're like Above where they're sitting Yeah Okay love it Yeah Maybe there's like Awnings or something like that Yeah totally I like that There's awnings out Over the balcony I'm on top of the awning And there's a bunch of pipes Running up from the brewery And everything Oh yeah Okay cool No I think you guys Having the smoke Coming out from under the table Would be very effective Yeah So I basically just wanted to like If we had like some spooky Like mist or smoke And then like my voice Kind of carrying in it Yeah You know Okay cool We've got a piece of pipe For you to make it sound Like far away Oh yeah So maybe I'm like Hidden around the corner Of the building Great Yeah So if I peek I can see them But I've got like the pipe Just Snaked around Sort of Nice Yeah Hidden amongst the bushes Yeah Totally Two waiters have gone down Full loads I don't remember those pipes Being there And then So Fenton is underneath The table With the smoke machine Yeah totally I'm down there And it's I got into the smoke machine With the guy With the guy?

So he's He's crammed up Against the side Yeah This thing's really only big enough For me you know Yeah you're right You're gonna get second hand smoke Can't see if you can get out of here with me Okay I'll get out of here Yeah okay thank you very much Okay And you move and he goes And a huge cloud of smoke belches out of his mouth Alright so What's the plan? You need some smoke? Yeah I'm gonna need you to make some spooky ass smoke Can you make spooky smoke?

Oh I can make spooky smoke And he pulls out a little pipe that's like this one And he pulls out a little pipe that's like this one That has a skull on it Cool Don't you worry about that Okay cool We're gonna make some spooky smoke On my signal And then what's Franklin doing?

Yeah that's what I'm trying to think of Yeah I think he's gonna try and Oh he's got Cause it's chilly so everything's cold They're outside He's gonna use some He's gonna channel some of the air Cause the inside of the restaurant's air conditioned So he's gonna channel it out and make it blow on them So it's like you know Like in signs Like the shivers? The shivers Like at six cents When like Yes Things get cold before a ghost shows up Ah I love it Okay so colds first Is that the plan?

Yeah And then smoke?

Okay Yeah And then voice Beautiful Cold smoke voice Okay So what happens is uh Franklin starts like moving one of the pipes Like trying to get his little chunnel going To get the air going The air starts pouring out On top of their table And you can see them start shivering But then you hear like a click And it starts getting colder and colder and colder So now ice cold air is just holding it in And then you hear like a click And it starts getting colder and colder and colder So now ice cold air is just holding it in And then you hear like a click And then you hear like a click And then ice cold air is just hosing out of this pipe Uh what do you do?

To mitigate this Um And it cause if you don't You realize that if you don't fix this soon There you go They're gonna look up And see what the fuck is going on Uh he He starts breathing as hot as he can And mixing in with the air Trying to get lukewarm air temp Okay Uh how What action are you using to do that?

I'm gonna use my finesse Mmhmm Or skirmish To start fighting his heart out And then I'm gonna use my Finesse Mmhmm Or skirmish To start fighting his heart out And then I'm gonna use my Finesse So I'm just like As cold as I can Getting in front of the airflow And so that It'll all It'll warm up Cause I'm I'm just Working a sweat I see So you're like Manipulating the air That's coming out With your body Science Yeah No But it works for me That's funny Yeah Yeah I'm just like As light as I can So cold So fucking cold So Uh okay So it's risky It is risky It is risky highest.

You have two in prowess and then you also have finesse. Oh yeah. So you get three. Oh great. Holy shit. Wow. I got a six. Okay. You do it. So successful. Great. So yeah, you pull this off. You are working up a sweat in front of this pipe to try and mitigate the cold air. It was a little bit hard at first because you realized you were trying to work up a sweat in front of a blast of cold air, which honestly made you realize your cardio is unreal. You can have gone forever. This is insane.

And across the mezzanine, the Humberstone twins are watching Franklin just standing in front of a vent like exercise. Lame. I don't know. I think it's pretty hot actually. And the air is warmed to the point where it's not freezing cold and not as powerful as it was going to be. But Clover, you see from your vantage point in the bush nearby, you see them start shivering a little bit. Do you feel that? Shamey, I'm so cold.

And he's like, and he breaks from his reverie and goes, actually, now that you mention it, it is kind of cold. Okay. And Fenton hears and he's just like, all right, fuck, do it now, do it now. And he's like kicking the box. He's like, make it creepy, make it creepy smoke. Come on, man. So what action are you using to make sure this goes smooth? Box kicking? I guess consort. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm kind of friends with this guy. You're trying to get him to do something to help you out.

Pumping him up. Five. Five. Okay. So that is on a risky that is a mixed result. And I think it's a mixed result because Fenton starts farting too at the same time because he grabbed a giant bowl of sour cream and he's lactose intolerant because they have free sour cream at this restaurant to to cool your palate. So he had a couple of bowls. And when I say a couple, I mean six or seven. They're not small. They're not like side. They're like finger bowls. Yeah, they're family size bowls.

Just want to be clear. Six or seven family sized bowls of sour cream. Just want to make sure I understand while he was eating it. He's like, Randy, I am a creamy boy today. I'll tell you. What? He's like, hey, kid. I like your style, kid. And you are kicking Randy and you're like, dude, go now. And then you hear and you are going to go ahead and check off the less effect box because you are now fighting against some serious inner turmoil. Randy, come on, man. You got to do this faster.

I got to get out of here. So the downside is, is that everything that you do for the rest of this job is going to be a little less effective than you were hoping. I'm sweating so much. And Randy's like, okay, kid, I'm on it. And he shoves a bunch of tobacco of some kind. Scary tobacco. Spooky looking tobacco. Yeah. And he starts smoking it. And as he inhales and you see the flame lick at the tobacco you hear. Like it screams? Cool. And then he goes.

Oh, oh, and a big, huge cloud like a torrent keeps coming out of his mouth. Oh my God. It's like watching a kid vape. Exactly. And the smoke starts rising up through the grate and curling around their table and Kessar and Clover you can see is like, what's going on? Oh my God. What is going on? And Clover clears her throat and then into the pipe goes Seamus. Seamus. Seamus. Seamus. Seamus. Seamus. Seamus. Oh yeah. Spooky. All right. What action are you using? Um, I don't, I don't know.

Um, what would it? I think it could be a tune. Yeah. Oh, perfect. I think it could be sway. A tune. You have a tune? Yep. Yeah. So you get two dice. Yeah. Oh boy. Decent, decent, decent. Uh, and this is, yeah, this is risky. Like everything else. Three in one. So three. Oh no. Sucks. Shit. Um. Shit. Okay. So, oh boy. Uh, so what this is going to do is you start talking into this pipe. Mm-hmm.

Uh, and as you're like, like a bunch of the smoke from Randy beefs goes through the pipe and travels like cartoon style. You see the bulge of the smoke traveling down the pipe into your, into my mouth. Around the corner and you start hacking up a lung. And there's a bunch of fart smell in there too. Yeah. And so I'm like, ugh. And in like a cartoon, she like turns green, like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding from the bottom up. Yeah. And you start hacking like crazy. Yeah.

And people are looking around and trying to find the source of this noise in the bush. So what do you do? This is desperate. Okay. I, um, can I climb the walls? Yeah. You're going to try and climb up the side of the building. So you're closer to Franklin. Yep. Okay. What action are you using? I don't know. Prowess. Yep. Yeah. Prowess is perfect. Okay. Please. Five. Decent. Okay. So that's great. So we're going to start a clock. Oh. Caught clock. So I'm starting a clock called caught.

And because that was a desperate action, uh, this is going to get you, uh, three. Three? Holy shit. How many pieces is that? Six. Holy fuck. We're half caught. Cause you like drew a bunch of attention to yourself cause you were right next to the restaurant. And you have quite visible lavender hair. I do. Yeah. But you make it up to the awning with Franklin, uh, and you are able to get through the worst of the coughing. Are you okay? I'm fine, but God, I think Fenton farted.

I think you swallowed some of that fart. Yeah, I did. I brought up here so you could smell it. I've smelt it. I've tasted it. I've seen it. I've heard it. I've seen it. Every senses. I've touched his farts. Hey, give me that. Give me that pipe. Oh yeah. Here. Okay. You going to try again? I'm going to whisper into it. Yep. Okay. Seamus. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? And is this in the tune again? Yeah. Okay. So you're gonna have to roll it. And this is, this is risky.

I would like to add an A to, so you get an extra die. Yeah. So you take a stress. I'll take a stress. Yeah. Cause I'm helping up here. Oh my God. Holy shit. What the fuck? Can I take a stress? Uh, I think in this it is, uh, oh, devil's bargain. Oh yeah. Devil's bargain. Something negative that's going to happen regardless of how you roll, but you get another die and there's no stress. Fine. Okay. Okay. So what is the devil's bargain here? Oh, someone sees you. Someone sees me.

That's definitely what it is. Four. Shit. Well, four is a mixed success, so that's okay. The Humberstone twins. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Cause they're watching. Yeah. So the Humberstone twins know that they're, that you are alive. And they're information brokers too. So that information is up for sale now. That is a, that is a great, I'm happy with that being the consequence for everything. So yeah. So you start. Start whispering into the pipe. Um, I see you.

Seamus looks around like thinking he heard something. I know what you did. Kesserin. And Kesserin's eyes start widening. I know what you did. And she's like shivering and the smoke is like coming out a little bit underneath the table. And she's like, oh, I'm sorry. Um, uh, can we get a to go box please? I will come back for you. Fucking spooky. Yeah. Pretty good. Like it. That reminds me that I should probably have a clock for Kesserin is scared. So we'll call that one eight.

Cause it's like over a series of time. Yeah. I'll give you three. Sick. Um, great. So they pack up their food very quickly. Kesserin leaves behind a bag of food. Kesserin leaves behind a bunch of choice chicken strips. And you see like a little hook come out and over and then start ripping at the table. You think it's going for the chicken strips, but it dives straight into the sour cream. It starts dragging a bowl of sour cream off. And the hook is actually a straw. Oh, my white mistress.

You taste so good coming in, but you taste so bad going out. You got to stop eating what's leaving your body, pal. This kid's got serious health problems. He's like, kid, you gotta go to a gastroenterologist. You need to start taking care of yourself. I mean, I'm an elf. I can just smoke and it doesn't hurt me. As far as I could tell, I'm immortal. I'm immortal. I just become whatever my environment is. That's what my pappy told me, God rest his soul. He was a wizard.

Technically all of our dads were a wizard. Hey, what's this button do? Hi, my name is Dr. Dan DeClaude, DMD Esquire MSN.com. I'm representing you, hopefully in the future. Dan's divorce. Got married recently? Congratulations? Not going as awesome as you thought? Well, here at the High Spear Mall, there's a statute of limitations on how long you have to be married. Let me show them the door. Dan's divorce. The best part of waking up is divorce in your cup. Welcome, trainers. My name is Luis.

And I am Dan DeClaude. And I am Dan DeClaude. And I am Dan DeClaude. And I am Dan DeClaude. And I am Dan DeClaude. And I am Dan DeClaude. And I am Dan DeClaude. And I am Dan DeClaude. And I am Dan DeClaude. And I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude.

I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. I am Dan DeClaude. Of gameplay. If you want real opinions about how we play and how we love this game, this is the podcast for you. Check us out on your favorite podcast feed. Oh, fuck. Shit. Holy shit, that played a bunch of ads. Whoa, what am I, what? Is my voice coming over the sound system? Am I in the PA right now?

Okay, so Kessarin has been sufficiently frightened at Chili's. The camera cuts to that evening, Kessarin in her room at home brushing her hair and her eyes are wide. Should we try and break into her house? Yes. That'd be pretty funny. Yeah. Maybe we can fuck with her mom, too. Yeah, because Mrs. Ropes is in the vineyard as well. Yeah. So has the plan changed? Are you breaking into her house now? Well, let me ask you guys as players, is it cool to do this or is it low-key fucked up?

It's a little fucked up. Okay. Should we do poofs? Maybe. Let's just go to poofs then. There's a meeting that we're having while I'm sitting on a toilet. Okay. And as you are preparing the day that the poofs haunting is scheduled for, Fenton and Franklin, you are out above ground while Clover remains out of sight and you're stopped by the Hubberstone twins. Hi. Hello. Oh, hi. So we have become privy to a piece of privileged information. Yeah, privileged information. Yeah, you would.

That's what privileged people get. Information. From what we're able to understand, it turns out that a certain lavender-haired little lady is perhaps not quite… And… And… And as soon as they say lavender-haired little lady, Fenton pulls the broken cane sword out of its hilt and he's holding it to… Oh my god. He's holding it to the guy's throat and I'm like, don't you ever fucking reveal this piece of information. Wait, what was the information? Uh, that, that… Clover's still alive.

Don't even fucking say it! Uh, what are you rolling? Uh, I guess… I don't have anything in practice. I guess I give you the success. Uh, I, uh, okay. Uh, maybe I won't, but in exchange, you have to give us another piece of information. What? Piece of information. Yeah. Just, you know, if, if, if we, if you don't want us to share this, maybe there's something else that we could. Oh, Hmm. Do we have any information currency? Yeah, we do. Wine ladies. Hmm. What was that?

What'd you say about the vineyard? Huh? Oh no, we're having a private conversation. Try not to listen. Yeah. Uh, well I am being pulled down to a floor level with a blade at my throat. So we could tell him this is like, this is private. Yeah. We could tell him that Kessarin is the one that told on Clover and got her arrested. I don't think anyone knows that cause we figured that out. And maybe that would reveal Kessarin's snaky, sneaky demeanor. Okay. Let's try with that one. All right. Fine.

And I let him go. And I'm like, he stands up and he pats down his little suit. All right. So Clover's not dead. She just got arrested. But the reason why she was arrested is because Kessarin ropes informed on us to mall security. Hmm. She broke the kid gang code, which is no, no telling. I'm well aware of the code. No telling. And, and Thursday's is Chili's. Okay. Very well. We will, shall not reveal your information. Thank you. I'm sorry. I put a fucking knife to your throat.

That was fucked up bigger for me to do. No, that's actually the most I've ever liked you. You guys are confusing kids. Very well. They both turn around and swoop away in unison together. Okay. So the Hopperstone twins aren't going to say anything, but they know they're in, they know. Maybe they want to join our gang. I know. I kind of like them a lot. I know. Yeah. The most influential kid information brokers in the mall want to join your gang. Yeah, probably not.

I want to join the diarrhea kids or whatever the fuck you're called. What are those gross chocolate trolls called? Hobnobs? No, the cool tree kids. Okay. So the, the poof's haunting. I assume Borbo's on board for this one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe, uh, we can get him when he's before he delivers the food, like their alpha Getty. He can spell something. Clover. In their food. That's so smart. He leaves or something. Yeah. Borbo's like, that is fucking so cool. That'd be so scary.

One time I was eating an omelet and accidentally looked like the word boo. And I fell out of my chair. So we cut to the back room of poofs, the kitchen. It's busy. It's like a, like a, like a middle aged guy with like kind of a comb over and a flop. So it is like, uh, Borbo, it's getting pretty busy out there. Do you think that these kids could leave? If you could start doing your job? And he's like, Jared, shut the fuck up, man. There's a whiteboard maybe.

And we're all trying to write down like the, the plan of like what to write into their food. Borbo, that was the specials board. That was all the board that had the specials on it for this evening. We've talked about this and he's like, Jared, I swear to God, I got, I got 15 minutes left on my break and I can do whatever I want with it. Okay. And Jared, uh, Hoxton turns around and he's like, okay, so what's the plan? I'll forget it. Okay. And we're going to spell, what are we going to spell out?

Yeah. What's our secret message? Oh, is it like you killed me? Kessler in, he's got a cup full of sour cream. We don't even get this. We don't even have sour cream here. I brought it from the other place. It's weird, man. You go through like, weekly cycles of just eating one thing. And I think you're really going to find that that is not healthy for you in the long run, especially when it's just a goo. Tishy, my friend. Uh, okay.

Yeah, I can probably, uh, and he goes and he tries to find a bowl of, Oh, what's it called? Um, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Rune, Oh, he's going to order it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So yeah, Borbo, as a server, is going to go out and try and really push the Rungweenie. Rungweenie. Okay, so I haven't been out on the floor as a server in a while, but I am ready to impress.

And he's wearing his, like, poofs, like, dishwasher's uniform, and he rips the sleeves off. Awesome. Yeah. And he grabs his rollerblades on. And he slaps on a name tag that says Jared, and he puts an apron around his waist. He's like, all right, I'll be right back. Now, I think this is going to be a luck roll. I think someone's going to roll one die, and we're going to see how well Borbo pulls this off. Not me. I have bad rolls. Okay, I'll do it. What was the message? What did we come up with?

The message is, oh, yeah, Kessarin betrayed me. Mm-hmm. I don't know. Or, um. Don't trust Kessarin? Yeah, don't trust Kessarin. Oh, yeah. Because we're trying to drive a wedge. Love Clover. Yeah. From beyond the grave. Yeah, I squeeze that on, from beyond the grave. Yeah. Clover. Uh-huh. There's so many words in there. So the luck is that if Borbo can, like, roller skate, rollerblade this passively, delicately spelled out in cursive. Okay, yeah, that's cool.

And there's also, like, when it says love Clover. That's on a corn dog, and it's written in mustard because we didn't have enough room on the board. I like that. So fortune rolls, it can be, you basically gather a pool based on certain things. So we've got one. Okay. Do we think that there's a pool because Borbo is involved? Yeah. Like, there's another dive? Definitely. Here we go.

Do we think there's maybe another one because you've already succeeded in kind of scaring them with, like, a pseudo haunting? There's a pre, there's a pre. Yeah. They're already looking out for supernatural. They're having some spooky times. Do we think that there's, we maybe take one away? A, because you made the message so complicated. Nah. Oh my God. Okay, we take one away. Okay, two. Yeah, you get two. You get two. Okay. But do we add one because we're friends?

And friendship triumphs over all. No, go ahead and roll. Okay. So you're rolling 2D6 on a fortune roll. Okay. Everybody, I want you guys to look at the sixes on this and visualize them both coming up. Underlined. Underlined sixes. Six. Think about these. Two sixes. I got it. Okay. The intention is there. Here we go. Six. Oh, I lost. Hey, six. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. Hell yeah. Fuck yeah. Nice job, everybody. Yeah. That's friendship. Yeah. Okay.

So you guys watch through like the little Ratatouille window in the door as Borbo skates out with the Runguini that Seamus definitely ordered. And it's like, he's jumping and twirling. Oh yeah. People falling around. He's just like. He's skating through the eye of the storm. Yeah. Blading between the raindrops and he drops it off and he doesn't even stop. He just drops it on the table perfectly and keeps going. So they don't even know it was Borbo. Yeah.

Everybody knows Borbo kind of hangs with us. That's a good point. He does have that other name tag on. Yeah. It says, he's like, no man, I'm Jared. He skates on by. And you get to tip your Jared. And you watch as Kessarin and Seamus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They start eating and Seamus looks down at his bowl of Runguini and his eyes are wide. And then Fenton's like, I forget what we said on there. There was a lot of words. Yeah. What was it? What did it start with?

Oh, it was something like, like Kessarin did this or like, I don't know. You guys don't remember? You are, this isn't you. Jessica's trying to remember. I actually don't remember. Kessarin did this. Do you remember? No, not really. And that's even funnier, honestly. If you guys tried to write something. You can't even recall what it was. Oh my God. What was it? We put so many words out there. We can't remember. The corndog said love clover. That's enough. That's true.

I know before it said from beyond the grave. Yeah. Love clover. But what was it before? I think it was. Oh, it was don't trust Kessarin. Don't trust Kessarin. Yeah. That's Borbo says that. Yeah, it was don't trust Kessarin. You guys did this 30 seconds ago. I'm sorry. Yeah. We don't remember. That's a lot of seconds. Yeah. I haven't had my fifth cup of Sour. Cream today. And you're not going to. And he takes the Sour. Cream away. Whoop.

And you're watching as Kessarin's like, from a distance, you can feel like she's saying, hey, Shamus, what's wrong? What did you order? And he picks up the corndog and he licks it right away. But he's like terrified. Just looking around and he looks at her seemingly suspiciously. Or maybe he looks back at the kitchen and we put like a bit more smoke coming out from underneath the kitchen door. Good idea. And I'm flicking the lights on and off. In the kitchen? In the kitchen.

Jared's like, what the fuck? And there's smoke and like limited visibility. And I'm like, yes. Thankfully, it's not too much. You didn't overdo it. The lights come back up, but there's a chef with half a finger. This guy's on fire. Like, chaos. I mean, you can roll for that if you want that to. How bad is this going to be? No, we got to roll for it. Because this is trying to catch us. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. This is so funny. That's really good.

Let's just do one fortune die and see what happens. Okay. So what are we trying to get? A low number or a high number? High number. Okay. Yeah. Fuck. Three. Okay. No. All right. So Jared comes into the kitchen and is like, out, out, out right now. Out. Borbo, you're fired. Out. No. Borbo. No, don't fire Borbo. It was us. Borbo had no idea. He knows that. He's still fired. Jared looks at you and he's like, okay, kids, are you willing? Are you willing to take the fall for your friend Borbo here?

What does that mean? Are you willing to be banned for life from poofs? For life? Even on Thursdays? Especially on Thursdays. I'll do it. I'll take one for the whole team. I'll take it for the whole team. No, I'll take it for the whole team. Oh, so we're all going to take it. I don't want to be banned, so you guys can take it for the whole team. They've got the thing. We're like, what the fuck? They've got it covered, right? You're supposed to fight for us.

Guys, I cannot sacrifice my Saturday morning eggbra-cad-egbras, okay? I cannot sacrifice it. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. I'm barely sane. They're there. They're there. Jared, you're going to regret this. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we will see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we will see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see.

You know what I mean, moonwalking out of the restaurant. You won't see us coming. Yeah. Oh, we'll see. No, you won't see. You might not. If we gouge your eye, we should go. And Borbo starts roller skating backwards out the door out of poofs, and he's like, Jared, I'll see you after work. Me with the flagpole. Oh, no. But yeah, it looks like Seamus was pretty scared. Is Borbo fired or not? I'm trying to figure this out. No, Borbo is not fired. Okay. Okay.

Jared says, okay, that's the deal that we made. And after work, technically, fair game. Okay. And then can I do one more thing before we go? Yes, please. Can I use my mesmerist move to, as we're leaving, like walk by the table and then put one of the strands of Clover's hair in Seamus's linguine or somewhere? Put it somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you could do that. I thought you were going to say, could I use my mesmerist ability to make Jared forget that we were here?

That would have been a better idea, but I didn't do that. That's fine. Use the secondary. Yeah, whatever. And you guys can just pull a job in the future to get yourselves unbanned from poofs. What if you put it in her hair? So like later on, he's like touches her and then he pulls away one of her hair. Totally. Or even if she finds the hair in her hair, that would be just as scary. I do it. I put, I, I, as we're leaving, you see me like cut a huge, way too big clump of Clover's hair. Holy moly.

And then I'm like, shut up, shut up. It took too much. What is it? Nothing. I didn't do anything. It's like a barn door. Shut the fuck up. Franklin. Jesus. And then I really put you in her hair. And then I just throw, I kind of just throw a handful of hair at Kessarine as we're leaving. So you got to roll for that. Mesmerist isn't a thing that you just get to do. Oh, fuck. So what action are you using for this? Well, that was predicated on the fact that I thought I couldn't fail this.

When you sway. Okay. Is that a sway? Yeah. Is a little different. It's a little different than like tricking. Like you would basically have to go up to Seamus and Kessarine and be like, Clover's still alive. Throw it in their faces. Okay. Then maybe the sway is that I, as I'm leaving, I'm like, whoa, no way. Seamus, Kessarine. Crazy that we're all here right now. What are you guys doing here? Cause I had to use the bathroom, which is why I came. I'm just basically like barging in on their day.

Yeah, totally. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. That we're busy. Classic us. This is classic us. And I touch her on the shoulder to be like, you're the weirdo. Anyway, I'll see you guys later. And then I pick up a cup of sour cream off their table and I walk away.

Roll a handful of hair out of her head. Oh, shit. Three. Can I take a devil's bargain to take another day? Yeah, totally. What is your devil's bargain? You are now also banned from poofs. Yeah, I'm also banned from poofs. You came back in. Yep. Five. Okay, five. All right. That's great. Yeah, so you, and then you what, leave hair? Yep. In, like, on her. Oh, because you put it on, you put your hand on her shoulder. Nice.

Yeah, so you put that on your shoulder and you're making a huge fuss of being friends and Jared is like, get out. Out. Enough. Leave. Fine. He starts pushing you with a broom. He's like, go on, get. Okay. And he sweeps me out. Yeah. But they've been sufficiently frightened. Cool. Yeah. Like, we cut back that evening, back to Kessarin's room. Yeah.

As she's getting ready for bed, she's got a wash basin in front of a mirror and she's washing her face, doing her extremely elaborate 13-year-old girl skincare routine. But it's all the, like, because she's only 13, it's like a bunch of weird stuff that's, like, not necessarily the right stuff, but her friends think it's all the right stuff, but they all do the same thing. It's stuff like, you know, like Lip Smackers, Chapstick and stuff. Yeah, totally.

If you put Preparation H right here, it's supposed to get rid of wrinkles. It just prevents wrinkles. Because I'm 13 and she is, like, brushing her hair again. With a cucumber. With a cucumber because that's how you're supposed to do it. And she pulls the cucumber down and she looks at it, her eyes agape, shivering, terrified as hanging off of the cucumber, is a single lavender hair. And that's where we're going to end it for this episode of Spoutmore Mall Brats.

I'm your Game Master, Sean O'Hara. Joining me, as always, playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdul Aziz. So long, everybody. Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Take care. And playing Clover Ivy Fern, the whisper, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you, as always, to Samuel Quinn-Warris for our incredible intro and outro music. Amazing every time. And thank you to our sponsors, and thank you to our supporters, all of you, because without you, this show would not happen.

Thank you so much, and we'll catch you next time. And so ends the tale of the cool treat kids always up to no good so tiny and greedy and angsty they be as they navigate crime and puberty and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to the chocolate store as the cool treat kids plan their next score and for you I'll gladly spout more