Episode 1 – Good Things Come to Those Who Blade

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound They're aware of the famously tasty So here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets She has a kind of addiction Bent into this lie, she sleeps in a safe And writes vampire fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends Endless in clothes For the tale's about to start Welcome to Spoutmore Mall Brats I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara Joining me as always playing Fenton Beasley, the slide Abdulaziz Hello Hello Hello!!

Hello everybody! Playing Franklin's dying the cutter, Paul Oppers Hi there! And playing Clover Ivy Fern the whisper, Jessica Tai Hello!

When last we left our heroes, the Cool Treat Kids had begun a campaign of vengeance Against the Nog Hogs Mostly because they had gotten in a rivalry With the Wild Nogs And in an attempt to make the Wild Nogs look bad They decided to sabotage The Charles Eve Holiday Egg Nog Supply And blame them for that And blame it on the Wild Nogs And that went poorly Went very bad It was maybe one of the worst jobs we've ever pulled It genuinely was an absolute fuckfest of a job Oh my god Fenton and Franklin got caught almost instantly On fire Oh yeah Yeah, you almost caught yourselves on fire Yeah You were pulled into an office by one of the Nog Hogs Who started questioning you And your plan for getting out of there Was to attempt to put them out with a tranq And you were able to do it With a little bit of chance powder Which worked, I might add It worked so well Yeah, too well Overly well Leaving Fenton the only conscious person in the room Yeah, and there was an orc in front of the door So I stuck Yep, and your plan to alleviate that situation Was to set a fire Hoping that someone would come and save you Yes And they did To your credit, they did Meanwhile, Clover, stealth mode Metal Gear Solid, Metal Gear Clover Attempting to sabotage the equipment And that went so wrong So bad Just over and over And it ended with Clover Successfully sabotaging the equipment But taking a point of drama And being arrested by mall security Yeah And I'm jaded now Yeah Oh yeah, you're a goth in the tunnels A little emo girl Yeah Yeah, Clover was hauled off to security Questioned by Tina Durger Young, corrupt Tina Durger She's been corrupt through and through her whole career Yeah, why not, right?

You start early Yeah And Clover, instead of just taking her lumps And seeing what security was gonna do Fought like a rabid animal To get out of the guy's arms And escaped security Seeing her friends coming towards her In an attempt to rescue her Decided that she had to pull the heat off of them And ran off on her own And Borba stopped us from going after her Yeah Clover has decided to go to ground Living in the tunnels with Greg Yep And something that we realized after We talked about how sad this was Was that the Cool Treat kids Have maps of the maintenance tunnels And you could go see her probably whenever you want Yeah, I think like the tunnel leads into the chocolate factory So really, I'm just I can come home I just have to go through the back door No, it's so dramatic and huge though So do we open on you guys in the tunnels with Clover?

Or do we open on Clover just coming through the back door of the sugar shop?

Yeah, I come in through the back door We've built a shrine with Clover We've built a shrine with Clover We've built a shrine with pictures And we have like everlasting candles burning And we're like Clover and doing like a little speech That's exactly what we cut in on a memorial service It's a funeral, yeah Okay, tell me what everybody's doing in this memorial service There's a lot of kids there actually A lot of kids Totally The way we communicated it was so unclear That it really seemed like she died Everyone thought she's actually dead Even the Humberstone twins showed up for this And it's because I think everyone showed up for this Everyone showed up because they were like You know that thing where like one kid has like Sort of like a traumatic thing happen And like all the other kids are like Oh my god, yeah, me This is so affecting me Totally I need attention That's why everyone's there basically And now I'm the one that has drama They're like wow She was such a good friend of mine I remember talking to Clover one time I love that I really, really loved Clamber I think she's a really, really sweet So there's a bunch of kids And they're all standing around Fenton and Franklin Doris is there, she's serving shitty food She's catering the event Yeah, Borbo is playing sad music Yeah, and a pipe organ Yeah And he found and he rolled into the sugar shack And it's a regular organ He turned into a pipe organ in the background That sounds like shit Like paper towel tubes sticking out of it I was thinking He ruined an organ with like a hacksaw Taped a bunch of paper towels in it And he turned the paper towel tubes to the rec top And it's like there's an open casket at the front With nothing in it?

Nothing in it Like with a mannequin that you made of her Yeah, that A paper mache A paper mache Clover The head is a paper mache moth That has a face drawn on it now Yeah, yeah But you know, you gotta do what you gotta do Yeah And we put her How she would always want to be remembered In that duct tape janitor's jumpsuit It's a fucking duct tape Yeah And the first speech begins I go up there with a glass and like a spoon Everyone's already standing in front of you waiting And it's full of yogurt And I'm like Cling, cling, cling, cling, cling Cling, cling, cling I'd like to make a speech In celebration of Clover's passing My name is Fenton Beasley I'm a slide Everyone in the audience nods He was, he is, he is a slide I'm like I know not a lot of you know who I am And the ones that do Not a lot of you like me And the ones that do It's begrudgingly But That's what was so special about Clover Is I was abandoned in the mall Over a year ago I was lost and scared and alone And I was like I'm not a slide I'm not a slide It's only been a year It's been a year and Charles has happened like five times This is an unprecedented year Sometimes it happens a lot Yeah, it's whenever Charles sees his shadow And I didn't know what I was doing And I was lost and scared And I didn't know anything about like Crime or being a criminal Or really anything that didn't have anything to do with turtles or scarecrows And I was like Because as you guys know My dad is a merchant Who sells scarecrows to farmers He hates farmers Everybody nods As you know My mom loved turtles She loved turtles more than me That's why she lost me in the mall Everybody nods Yeah, everybody nods Everybody knows my backstory People are snapping But Clover found me She found me Wet And ragged and alone Drowning in one of the fountains in the food court She saved my life that day She put me in a food court She pulled me out of the fountain And she brought me here to the sugar shack And she made me a cool treat, kid And I'd be dead today if it wasn't for Clover So In honor of you, Clover And then he pulls out his cane sword And everybody in the front row Steps back Jesus And then he takes Yeah, he takes the sword And he And Fenton Legitimately had not thought this way This far ahead So he's now just holding his sword In honor of you, Clover Franklin's looking at his eyes really wide Like, what are you, buddy?

Borbo started to stand up from the organ The sound of an organ just stool Moving backwards Everybody knows that when Fenton is forced to improvise Shit goes fucking crazy I don't know if he's ever actually drawn the cane sword before So everybody's pretty scared So people were like, holy shit There was a sword in that thing the whole time And then he like Puts the blade down on the ground And snaps it in half And he's like, I'll never wield this Cane sword again In your honor Because your memory is the sword That cuts through my heart now And then he tosses the pieces into the crowd Heads up A bunch of kids dive out of the way Borbo grabs the handle Out of the cane sword And he's like, whoa Alright, and he starts clapping Thank you, Fenton, thank you And he starts to, he walks forward And kind of nudges you away from the front I still have, I still have I know, I know, buddy, I know We'll talk about it later Okay Jesus Franklin, do you have anything you want to say?

Um, hi, everybody Uh, Franklin Stein, cutter Um Everybody nods He's got his, um Um Tuxedo t-shirt on him And he's sewn back sleeves Because Of a different color They're like Beige Like they got little pockets on them Like cargo sleeves He's sewn They're the legs of cargo shorts He's sewn into sleeves Sewn off them I got them from some barbecue dads They're so loose And they're the kind with the zips on the ends Yeah, yeah Hi, I'm, I'm, uh I'm a boy of few words Everybody nods Yeah Yeah Um Clover was a special person to me And I can't believe that she's gone Down below To that place where we can Never go Until the day That we ourself are drawn Below the Our feet That we walk upon this earth Some people start crying a little bit And snapping For my For my For my speech I have Prepared a dance In In The honor of Clover's Passing Borba sits back down at the organ And it's like Just really mournful Like Me Bam bam bam bam bam Bam bam bam bam bam Bam bam bam bam bam And he's doing like Hands out in front Arch back Tip toes And then Arms back And head back And he's just like Bam bam bam bam bam bam Bam bam bam bam bam bam He's just going back and forth And back and forth Does a spin A slow spin And like Uh Very uh Purposeful like Heave crying On the coffin Oh whoa Yeah Holy shit And then like Goes to the audience And like mimes like Oh tears Falling down his face And then um Jumps up into the The rafters And is like Spinning like crazy Spider-man Like around Like his shipness So yeah Does like Uh yeah Does like a parallel Uneven barb A thing above their heads Uh and then Um As the song builds Comes to the end He lands in front of In front of the coffin On stage And uh Pulls out a match And lights the coffin And the Paper machine On fire And then ends like Boom As it like burns By Uh And everybody is Clashing with him Clapping and weeping And Borbo's freaking out Borbo runs in with a fire extinguisher And immediately starts Putting it out Uh But before But while this is all happening The dance The fire starts to burn Uh Clover You I've been watching From above The whole time From the raft Yeah Like Huckleberry Finn Yeah cause earlier I'd shown up in the In the chocolate factory And I thought You know I may I may as well pay my friends A visit So they don't worry about me And all this is going To be a Down You were worried about us Worrying about you Yeah and I'm I mean I'm touched Like That was a beautiful dance Mmhmm Clover do you see anybody Does anybody see you?

No one sees me Okay But who do you see in the audience? Seamus Oh Seamus is here Is Kesrin here?

He Yeah they are together And but Seamus is like Uh Ignoring her basically Yeah But I I want to position myself So I can Uh Get a spitball To land on Kesrin's head Cool I like that I like that she's wearing like Really tacky I heart Clover Like black Oh yeah She's totally like We were best friends Yeah We wanted to have her In the pixie sticks She She came And we asked her please And she said no I live dangerously And look where it got her Yeah Uh So I'm monkey barring Like Over I don't know No we're in down time I'm not gonna make you guys Roll for this stuff Sick Yeah Yeah so I I'm just like Very sneakily Heading over to Kesrin I'm Getting The juiciest Loogie again Yeah Gross And she's uh She's like Uh Like really playing up The weeping In the shameless Shoulder Wow And I just Drop a huge spitball And it lands Right on her stupid head Wait So when you make When you say spitball You don't mean a piece of paper That you chew No I mean literally like a Oh Like literally A gummy ball Of spit Yeah Gross Nasty And it It hits her right In the The center part Of her hair Yeah the center part So she feels it so hard And she But she is gonna start To look up Well I I hide Okay yeah She's dressed like cobwebs You know I mean I Look like a dirty Laundry pile Yeah That's true And there's a lot of those In the sugar shack Yeah so she She wipes it off her head And looks up And goes Ew And you can tell When she looks up Her face is bone dry Not Seamus can smell The hot dogs In the spit though The corn dog residue It's like It's almost like She's here I feel her presence Around me all times Meanwhile Cut to the rafters Where Clover's hiding And she's She's like Chewing a hot dog And burping Yeah Trying to do it quietly It's just Wafting over the crowd I'm trying to eat My hot dog In secret It's a long ceremony Yeah It's a pretty long ceremony Cause we have been Improvising a lot Yeah I can tell Yeah All the people Who are pretending To be your friends Are getting up And be like She literally said We were best friends So after the After the ceremony Especially after the fire Bore was like Okay everybody Maybe time to go Thank you for coming Wait but the elf Is doing catering Maybe time to go And you know Clover She's with us always She's always In our hearts And she's always nearby She's so close Right now I can feel her Presence in the room I'll pat him on the back I'm on his shoulder I know buddy Me too Okay everybody Thank you so much And he kind of Shuffles all the kids Out of the sugar shack Fenton and Franklin Have been shaking People's hands at the door I was like Thank you so much For coming Thank you for coming People are Yeah little Like kids are like You know They're really like Gripping your hands Hugging you Giving you like You know people Are giving you Casseroles and shit Oh my god Thank you Some people You know give you Spear bucks And all that kind of shit Holy shit We should have Funerals more often I have a t-shirt That says Clover forever DL04VR I'm selling them At the door Well we can't sell candy She used to make the candy We gotta make a buck We're making a fucking Mint off this Fucking funeral Yeah man Yeah so everybody Leaves in board about Kind of closes up Make sure everything's secure Wow you guys really Played up the Clover's dead thing Huh We didn't say She was dead What do you mean dead There's a coffin You built a coffin To be fair It looks exactly Like a coffin It looks exactly Like a coffin It does For a second I thought it was Gonna be like Clover drops down And then everyone Freaks out I mean Does Clover Want people to know She's alive She doesn't But she is tempted Cause it would be Super cool Yeah Bah No I wait until Everyone I don't know Is out Until it's just you guys And I drop down Yeah Clover You're back Clover I mean yeah It just came in From the back door Oh that's where that goes You didn't think I would like Abandon you Right I mean It's just that It's been like Almost an hour We just It's been so long I know We arranged this In an hour That's really impressive Actually I know It's probably The longest time We've ever been apart I think it has been That's actually Legitimately true I think we're All three together Literally every minute Of the day We all shit in a trough When one of us Has to go to the bathroom We announce it And it's so that Everyone else can like Stop what they're doing And come along Yeah Cause we're scared Of being in the bad bathroom We're pooping now Makes sense That you're so afraid Of being in this Haunted chocolate factory That Fenton's been Shitting into For a year One time Franklin went For a shit on his own And the elf Was like Fucked him up He stole his pants I don't know He took his pants off He took his pants All the way off To shit No no No no no no He took his pants off He took them off And hung them up On a hook Before he took His shit in the bathroom How you doing?

How's it been?

It's been fine I just Walked through the tunnel And I told Greg Hey I have to sleep On your couch For a while And I was like And then I came here Oh my god That sounds so hard Clover I'm so sorry You had to deal with that Yeah you know I'm just trying to be Brave about it You're doing a great job You're so brave Thanks Yeah It's pretty rough down there You know In the dark Oh god And being a criminal A wanted criminal I know I know there's a bounty On my head There is actually Is there? What?

Yeah she busted out of custody Whoa Security wants her What tells her that bounty is? Um Well Because they're like Well we'll just get the kids In the mall to turn on her Uh It's spear bucks And it's like Twenty Twenty spear bucks Yeah Holy shit But for kids that's like That's a couple weeks worth of food Catching And uh Fenton leads into Franklin And he's just like We shouldn't turn Clover in right?

She's our first Franklin just slowly looks at Clover It's a pretty good deal Honestly I wouldn't blame you We could've turned in the Paper mache you Yeah if you hadn't Lit it on fire I spent a lot of fucking time on that Less than an hour clearly but It was a pretty boss move though Maybe it was a moth I had lying around That I drew a face on but Uh Clover Um You haven't made any New friends in the tunnels right? Any cool tunnel kids That you're maybe friends with now? Instead of us?

No no not at all I I met a few rats along the way And uh You know they were nice but They're nothing like you guys Well we're nicer than you guys Than rats That's very nice of you to say You're welcome Actually I have a question Yeah Um We know Greg's down there Yeah Fenton jokingly Although I'm now assuming It's part of the world building Mentioned tunnel kids Yeah Are there like There's shit going on in the tunnels There are like people that live down there?

Yeah it's But it's like teens There's no little kids down there Yeah but there's like gangs and stuff That live in the tunnels But maybe not that many They're not A gang? There's like They're not even a gang though Like they They don't like Coming up into the mall Right Um They just like Hang out downstairs And like vibe out And make arts and crafts Okay Yeah And are those teens emo too?

They're emo But they're also like nerds They've got quite a big library Set up down In the tunnels Oh that's cool So whenever If If someone Outside of them Comes in You know They're like Shh be quiet Like we're Studying Ooh They're called the study group Oh I was gonna call them Mole brats Oh That's pretty good to me Pretty good The study group is pretty cool They've all got like Thick glasses Yeah Yeah And lanterns Yeah Um Both for the books Cause it's like nerdy Yeah But also cause it's the tunnels And it's dark They all wear like Black clothes Cause they're like emo Like gothic But they're like gothic emo Well and they're trying to stay hidden So if like Somebody comes down They just like Snuff their lanterns And put their hood up And the people just walk by And they're like Totally And they think they're invisible But it's People just don't want to talk to them Just think nobody cares Yeah So you have books in the tunnels Who gives a shit Yeah The vibe of those kids Is the Magic the Gathering kids You know Yeah It's totally that Oh and they LARP Oh In the tunnels Yes What do they LARP as?

It's a fantasy world They LARP as Wizards Yeah wizards Oh yeah They LARP as elves Uh They LARP a lot of like The history Like you know Stories from the books That they read Right Yeah Oh shit They're history nerds And yeah So you said they were Like gothic Like Victorian cravats Yeah And like frilly Oh yeah Fringy Like I'm imagining Like they're like all in Lord Byron Oh my god That'd be pretty funny Like tri-corner hats Yeah The like Plague doctor masks Yeah They're Part of the reason Why they stay in the tunnels Is because they like Being really pale Ooh Mm-hmm They're in the tunnels Because there's no portables To hang out out back up Uh So yeah We are in downtime You all get access To two downtime activities Um And plus Whatever you want to pay for With spear bucks To do But first I'm gonna roll Entanglements Uh And we'll see Kind of what the Fallout from the last Session is So you start with One D6 Roll another D6 If the target was High profile It was the Nog hogs So it was Plus one D6 If it was loud and chaotic I'd say so Yeah Yeah We started a fire Fire We started a fire In a brewery Oh we fought the security Mm-hmm Yeah Oh yeah That was Fucking chaos Clover destroyed Some machinery Fire And Well We also fought A gang twice Once in front of our hideout Once in front of their hideout Oh yeah Which one did you like better?

I liked the one in front of our hideout Cause I got to piss way more Yeah That's all I love that That's your go-to You know what I always have on me?

My wiener Yeah It's always helping me out Yeah This is my true cane sword Uh Okay So I'm gonna roll these And the highest one Is gonna determine What happens Five The crew attracts Bad notice Uh Slash Encounters rivals Fuck Stressful Yeah So I think it's going to be A couple days pass After the job And The thing that you notice Initially Is that Uh There is like security Outside the sugar shack Way more often now Oh no They are on your ass Uh They don't look like security They're dressed like In plain clothes Uh!

But you can tell That they're security They're chiseled Yeah There's no one ever Outside of our Yeah Shack anyway Yeah Yeah They're trying to look so casual They always have like Sweaters tied over Like with a knot in front of them Like what?

Yeah Their t-shirts are always ironed Mm-hmm Yeah Creases in their jeans Yeah And uh Yeah so basically It's gonna be hard for you To pull A job Because security Is gonna be watching you Like Oh like hawks Fuck Yeah Like Borbo comes back one day With some groceries And he's like That dude checked my groceries What? He checked In the groceries What? Like the guy outside?

Yeah he Walked up to me And he said Grocery check And he started pulling stuff Out of the bag Fuck This sucks This does suck Maybe we need a new hideout A new hideout? Is Clover in here? Is Clover here? Am I? Yeah I don't know Are you?

Yeah I'm here But I'm I'm hiding Because of like The security I'm staying away From any windows So I'm up in our My attic area Mm-hmm Nice Cool I pop my head down And uh I say Well you know If you want We could hide out At Greg's Franklin's freaked He looks visibly nervous I don't I mean It's just an option I But that's my That's the only place That I can go right now I think that makes sense Yeah I'm down to hang out At Greg's a bit more I mean I could also just like Go back to the tunnels No No no I'm not wanted I guess No you are wanted No That's why we have to leave I'll just Go live in the dark tunnels alone Greg probably doesn't Even want me there Clover what the fuck Are you talking about?

Oh she's being emo You wanna understand Have there been any Noticable changes To Clover's appearance?

Oh Yeah I've been hanging On my room a lot more Um I dyed a streak Of my hair black Oh Oh I like this Slowly it's turning It's bright lavender Yeah And then a black A black streak That looks cool And uh I've been experimenting More with What I call eyeliner But it's just like I don't know like Pencil shape Like pencil dust From my diary Zone Uh huh Rubbing it on my eyelids Like yeah It's like Reflecting the darkness That's inside of me Making your own t-shirts Yeah Sewing my own skinny jeans Oh no it is It is young Jessica Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Tell us more About your history Jessica Yeah I mean I vote Tunnels Alright I'm in for the tunnels Guys I never told you this What is it?

I'm really afraid of the dark Um well there's lamps down there Yeah? Yeah Like a lot of them? Yeah I mean and also Greg's place is full of glowing mushrooms It's It's pretty bright actually Yeah? Yeah How far is it? How long do we have to be in the dark? Uh it's about Maybe a minute or two minutes I don't know like There's a shortcut About ten minutes Where's the shortcut?

Cut to The chocolate factory The chocolate factory Oh no Guys I'm afraid of the chocolate factory I know but This is the only way I can't go any other There's no other way Fuck And you can't tell anyone about this spot And it's kinda gross It's dark and it's gross?

Yeah you're not gonna like it at all Oh no Oh my god So we go in the bad bathroom Oh my god Which to be clear Is a back door that opens To a cavernous chocolate river Yeah And the good bathroom is disgusting Oh yeah But the bad bathroom is worse Cause there's like not much lighting And We don't aim very well None of us Cause we're always so scared When we go in there That like we're kind of pissing And or shitting as we're running Always turning around What was that? Yeah What was that?

And sloshing on either side I as a kid was sometimes scared enough Of like the dark That I would be like peeing And then had to like start running While pissing So in this room is the chocolate river And it flows like basically This is kind of the runoff area It would flow through a hole with Like that's barred And then above it is You wouldn't see it unless you knew it's there But part of the wall is a panel And it will slide over And it has another hole The same size So it's pretty big Big enough for us And that connects down into The pipes underground In the tunnels Cool Sweet So how far do we have to traverse In the chocolate factory?

It's at the back of the chocolate factory Yeah The bad bathroom Yeah So is it like How much time do you have to spend in there To get to the Yeah I guess like five minutes Five minutes Five minutes Okay Yeah Is that right? Like takes five minutes to walk to the back?

Yeah Yeah That feels right Okay So we go We go I have a crossbow And I've duct taped up lanterns I have two on my chest And one on my Each of my biceps And then on my thighs And then Two flashlights on my knees And then some Candles I lit And put on my shoes Yeah Borbo's like Covering his eyes a little bit I taped a flashlight And then I put my shoes on And then I put my shoes on On top of my head Yeah Taped it Yeah That's not coming off I did the same for Fenton Yeah Yeah Yeah Borbo's like I'm good You guys got All the light covered Yeah Fenton He Clover kind of went nuts With his duct tape job Cause she got him to hold Flashlights in each hand And then duct taped his hands To And then she also like Duct taped flashlights To his knees Hips Elbows Shoulders And armpits And then also And then she was like Something's missing And she put two on top Of his head And then duct taped that So if he's like Running around in the distance It looks like He's like a robot Yeah Like shh So much duct tape And lights Guys It's so heavy You can never have Too much light Okay Let's go Alright Alright let me show you the way Here I'll light the way Okay What is the way like?

The way is just Us walking through The chocolate factory Along the river But like sneakily Yeah And I mean I just have I want to kind of Want to get some detail Because we've never really seen The inside of the chocolate factory Except for the river Should we all come up with Like a A detail Yeah totally Okay So the river is Windy Kind of like Willy Wonka's river And There's lots of Old copper Pipes that like Come Like come out of the river And go into like Different like stills I suppose Or Vines Vats or containers And that's where Originally they would have like Sorted the chocolate And all that stuff Sweet Yeah There's like Grass everywhere But it's like Not maintained So it's like High grass So as we have to walk through We're kind of in high grass And every once in a while You can feel something run through it Wow Yeah And there's like Also like weather In here Up high you can see like Clouds moving And then like Mist Will come in From like Just out of nowhere Sometimes And you don't want to be Caught in here in the mist Mmhmm This stuff comes out in the mist Yeah you can't see it Oh and People go in the mist And they don't come out of the mist The copper is all like Uh Green From like It's all oxides And there's moss That clings onto it Oh yeah Cool There's Chocolate handprints everywhere Oh And there's these like They're like Like small They're like weird Little The palms are really small The fingers are really long Whoa And uh Borbo is walking Kind of in the middle of All of you Trying to keep an eye on everybody And you're walking through this like Tall Thick Tangled grass And he um Some of it brushes his face And he goes like Oh Oh And he Takes a piece off And he puts it in his mouth And he chews it up This is all candy What?

You can eat it? This is all edible We have We had free food This whole time What? It's not food It's not It's candy Yeah That's food What the fuck are you talking about?

Clover starts like Grabbing fistfuls And shoving it in her pockets Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa And you start doing that And you can hear in the grass The like Shhh As things start running around Oh no Stop stop stop stop stop We should keep going And it's the kind of thing like As Dude Oh my god Oh my god Oh my god Now that Now that Borbo mentioned it Um The mist The scary mist that rolls through Smells really good Like the The grass you're walking through Is candy There's like little weeds And flowers and stuff pop up And it's all edible The clouds Are cotton candy Cotton candy Yeah The clouds are cotton candy Oh yeah I think that this is like Willy Wonka's like edible forest But overgrown And like Totally Yeah like Like it's just Ooh yeah There's like a licorice vine That'll drag you into the river Oh yeah Yeah Like It's like Jumanji But With Willy Wonka's chocolate factory And we're so afraid Yeah Maybe these handprints Are the people that Stayed here Like if you eat it You get overgrown And like weird twisted Sugar bees There's like feral people That live in the The candy forest Like that Pinocchio island Where you all turn into donkeys Or whatever Yeah Oh god Maybe that's where The elves are Yeah That would make sense And every As everyone's speculating Fenton gets too freaked out So you look at where He was And he was not there And then you look Into the distance And you can see Beams of light Running He's running He's like Okay Catch up with me Okay we'll meet you there Run run run run run run Borbo gently jogs And keeps up with All of you easily Rigo says Keep the light together And you all get to Clover's hidden panel Okay Let me show you You're gonna have to You're gonna have to Use your climbing skills So Give me your hands Borbo stands there As you're like You're gonna have to Use your climbing skills And he watches As Fenton realizes His hands have been Taped to flashlights Yeah you guys Run up on Fenton Ineffectually slamming His hands against The wall Trying to climb up And there is Wiggles and parts In the grass Coming up behind us Like Velociraptors Go Go go go He reaches up And he pulls the panel Off I think it slid off But he just pulls it Right off the wall Borbo Everybody in Everybody in Okay Borbo throw me And he starts lifting you Up into the hole I'm not going in there I don't know I'm too scared Get in the hole And you go back and forward I don't know I don't want to take My chances with these Velociraptors I don't know He grabs you by Like the back Like your belt And your collar And just whips you Into the tunnel And he climbs up Behind you And slams the The grate on behind Do we hear anything?

Yeah I think something Slams into the grate With him closing it Yikes You guys live In front of that You have a door That leads Directly in there Yeah that's why We keep it closed Most of the time Unless we're Shitting Or pissing in there I'm starting to think That you maybe Should find a new Place to live And Clover leads The way to Greg's place Yeah Okay There's a Ladder That leads down Deeper into the tunnels And I drop down And it's actually Like pretty Well lit Oh wow Yeah Oh See Told you You weren't kidding Well I look like an idiot Not like Ven here Is it well lit Like there are There are lights But also mushrooms Or is it just like Purely lit with like Glowing fungi Down in this area The tunnels are lit With a lot of like Night lights And lanterns Oh cool Just kind of like You know Sporadically Hung But in this area There's actually like Crystallized caramel That's Leaked down Oh Lines The The tunnel And there's Glowing mushrooms That are also Growing around And the crystals Like the caramel crystals Illuminate That light Yeah Cool Sick That's really cool So it's kind of this like Border between The maintenance tunnels And the chocolate factory I really like that Yeah and I think As you get closer To Greg's place You take this kind of Winding route That takes about like 10 minutes 15 minutes to get to Yeah And when you get to Where Greg's place is It's kind of Cozy It's like a guy who made Like a little hangout Sleep zone in a garage Like there's String lights hung up There's an old couch There's like A table with Cards and stuff on it Looks like maybe Clover and him Have been playing cards One Um Power bar with like Like Dozens of cords Going into it A bunch of the Extension cords are like Taped up and And really Haphazardly patched He's got Uh Tons of Aquariums With different Mushrooms growing in them Oh cool Cool For like greenhouses He has His hand Hammock And then guest hammocks One of which is mine Yeah Nice Yeah And um He also has A A basin With a little fire going That's his best place Yeah Nice Does he have a pet?

I feel like he must have a pet Ooh Something What kind of pet would he I feel like he'd have like a Lizard Yeah Oh yeah If they need warmth Then Yeah So it stays down here Cause it's all like toasty In the In the Cause he grows his stuff here Cause it's like Yeah It's like a little mushroom Inhumid right? Oh yeah What if he had a little dragon?

Oh Like a little mushroom dragon Oh Nice Oh shit But he might not Yeah he might not even realize It's a dragon Cause it's so small It's so little It's never had to compete for food So it's like tiny Yeah And I think the vibe That we've always gotten from Greg When we've seen him up top Is that he's like This weird Old Like army vet Yeah But like being down here We can see how methodical he is About like Cultivating mushrooms And like His work area And it's like There's a bunch of scientific instruments And we're like Holy shit This guy's actually like A scientist Yeah Yeah He always seemed like He was like a draft dodger type But then Oh no he was drafted Yeah He might have been a ranking officer Then he dodged after that Yeah He's even got his like Little lab set up With like The microscopes And like all these little Like spectacle things Oh cool He has a sunstone microscope Oh yeah Yeah And he's also Good pals with a study group That live down here Oh yeah He goes to their library And like checks out Those science books Cool Sometimes they like Take a look at the mushrooms Nice Yeah That's cool Cause the way that He was described On Clover's original sheet For like the contact she shows Was a psychonaut What's that?

It's a person that like Experiments with Mind altering substances To try and like Expand the bounds Of consciousness Cool So like He takes this very seriously He like Experiments with it He wants to know What they do and why And how it can benefit people Yeah Oh cool Yeah And he's got a weird little Lizard that lives in his room That's sick That eats mushrooms What does a What would mushrooms do to a dragon? Does it have mushrooms growing on it?

Well I mean They become what they eat And it's He's eating a lot of mushrooms Yeah He probably like Breathes out spores Oh Cool Yeah That's a cool idea There's a mushroom called Angel's wings So his wings could look like that They're like Almost clear with Veins going up them Oh Yeah I just picture him like A jelly Yeah You know with cats tongues Yeah Like he's kind of clear almost Squishy Yeah clear Little bumps I like that a lot He looks a bit more like a chameleon Than he does like Yeah Like a lizard or an iguana Like he's got the The two sided hands He moves really slowly Yeah Yeah I like that So he You all enter his like Layer For lack of a better term Sick And he Is He's got his back to you In his chair And he's facing his like Desk And he's He's messing with something Under the microscope And you can see His little Mushroom dragon Laying on his shoulder Just like Snoozing And he Hears you approaching And he Looks up and turns around And he's got crazy Magnifying goggles on Whoa Hi Greg Hey kids Welcome Please make yourselves at home Me tunnel A Sue tunnel Thank you Is it okay if Fenton and Franklin And Borbo Hang out here For a while For a few days Oh yeah Yeah I could probably Rustle up a couple more Hammocks And he starts like Puttering around Thank you The room in his chair You're a good guy Greg Thanks a lot Hey thanks for looking After Clover She's a good kid And I trust that You're good kids too You're An adult man And I don't know you But I assume I think you're Borbo I've heard of you So thanks for keeping These kids safe Just generally A good unit Anyways I'm gonna grab some hammocks And he starts just Stringing stuff Up next to each other So there's like Three hammocks Unfortunately he doesn't Have anything big enough For Borbo So Borbo's just gonna Sleep on the couch Nice Sick Hey Borbo It folds out into A sofa bed No What?

They make those? Yeah And he runs up to it And he starts like Looking to see where It will unfold How? Greg's This is Greg's design He's invented The futon Yeah There's a steam Engine in it You have to crank it And Borbo starts Cranking it And the cushions Pull back And the inside Starts folding out And he goes Isn't it beautiful? It's amazing Let me get some Blankets for you You know what? What? I don't even want them Okay Suit yourself It gets kind of cold Okay! What's up everybody?

It's your boy Borbo Borbom Borblo And I'm trying to go on tour With my band B4 The Burly Beach Bod Bros And we've got some sponsors That we need to play To raise tour funds Check em out Aroma Aroma Flavors Flavors Style Style Plates Plates Oof I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go culture, we've got something for you to check out.

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Well, I think all of that stuff sounds pretty sick, and I would buy it all now. Does that it? Have I fulfilled my contractual obligation? Yeah, you can leave. Okay, great. Bye. Okay, bye. We're going on tour! Ah, so what is y'all's plan? You have two downtime actions to take advantage of. I need to reduce some stress. Okay. Like a four stress. Okay. I also have to reduce stress. Mm-hmm. Is drama unclearable? Yeah, drama is permanent. Ah, okay.

And stress, uh, oh, actually, you got drama, so you shouldn't have any stress right now. I don't have any stress. And until you are able to, like, move freely around the mall, it's gonna be hard to, uh, indulge your vice, because it's going to the food court. Mm-hmm. So for downtime, is it, like, do we work on a project block, or is this… The choices that you have for downtime actions are clearing a harm box, indulging…

Indulging your vice to clear three stress, taking a segment on one of your long-term projects, or starting a new one, uh, and gathering information. And you just have one, or you do two? You get two. And if you want to spend a spear buck, you can get another one. I see. Yeah. Can I fill, uh, my long, a long-term project piece? Yeah. Yeah, what is your long-term project? It's, uh, to grow those magical mushrooms. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, what are they again? They're mind-expanding? Yeah.

Spirit mushrooms or something? Yeah, those, the ones that grew on the, uh… Oh, on Rudley! Yeah, on Rudley. The, oh, the consciousness-giving… Yeah, and that's actually what Greg was looking at when we came in. So I, I go over to his study, and I look over some of the specimens that he's got. Nice. If, if that's what it's called in science. A specimen, yeah, totally. Oh, yeah, 100%. Oh, yeah, totally.

Yeah, he's got some growing in one of his aquariums, which he has obviously retrofitted into being mushroom-growing apparatus. Yeah. Yeah. There's a bunch of, like, woolly pig hairs that I've, uh, foraged. Sick. That they're growing on. Yeah, I like that. Cool. You forage them because they're just, you're just, you were finding clumps around the mall. Yeah, basically. Because no one knows where Rudley is. Yeah, Rudley's just running around. He's on the loose. Wow. He's too smart now.

For a long time, you, you guys were trying to, like, you're sporulating the hairs and maybe, and it wasn't taking, and then you, you, uh, there was some hairs that you're like, oh, they smell like shit. Yeah. And then they sprung mushrooms. Yeah. And then you kind of realize that they need to have be smeared in the woolly pig shit. Oh, God. Yeah. It's so gross. Because they root in their own, like, they, when they're part of their. Yeah. They're pigs, man.

They have a little bit of their own poop on them. I'm experimenting with them, trying to make them, like, hopefully taste better. Because. Because they grew in literal shit. Yeah. And Greg was like, the trip is amazing, but, like, the flavor is foul. And so I'm using eyedroppers of different natural flavors and sugar. Oh, that's awesome. And I want them to try to imbue them with something. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. What, what kind of flavor has, uh, Clover gotten the most progress on?

Oh, the best one so far is cherry. Oh. It. Gross. Cherry. A cherry mushroom. Yeah. Franklin hates cherries. Yeah. I'm showing Franklin and I'm like, look, it's way better. Like, trust me, it's way better than what it originally was. The tartness kind of covers up, like, the shit taste and smell. I can still, you're getting all of it. It's all, it's a manon. And if it's any consolation, it's not actually cherry. It just tastes like cherry.

And then Fenton's like, I don't know what you guys are talking about. This shit's great. And he sucks just pure cherry flavor out of one of the eyedroppers. Oh! Fenton! Hey, kid, you're going to want to be careful with that. It takes a lot to harvest the insects that make that flavor. What? Go to the bathroom right now. I am. I am. Perfect. So that is one segment ticked. Now you could do it again if you want to take it further or if you've got another move you want to do.

You were saying that another thing I could do is get some insight? Yeah, gather information. Okay, I want to gather information. On? Tina. Fuck yeah. Nice. Durger. What do you want to learn about Tina Durger? How stupid she is. Dude, she's so fucking stupid. But mostly how I can get the ultimate revenge. Ultimate revenge. Like, what are her weaknesses? Oh, yeah. What are her weaknesses? Or her strengths and how to break them.

I like the idea that you're, like, shuffling around the vents and you're in her office, like, listening to Dashboard Confessional, like, in a bottle. And you're like, I'm going to find your weaknesses and then I'll be vindicated. And I might be selfish, but I'm strong. And I know I'm right. I swear I'm right. I swear I knew it all along. And I am. Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye!

Meanwhile, while Clover's listening to this music watching Tina, she's openly like, so here are my weaknesses in order of most to least powerful. She's talking to a counselor. Oh, yeah. Therapy session. I'd say my greatest weakness is my trick knee. My second greatest is my relationship with my mother. So I write those things down. Relationship with mother. Bad knees. What? What? So.!

I give you the đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu đâu forces like she has access to manpower and a lot of the security in the mall are as if not more corrupt than tina is so they're willing to do whatever she says for money um what if her weakness is the fact that she's brokering a pretty big deal with the like she's in a kind of like a situation where she sort of overplayed her hand with the food court and she is like part of their scheme to gentrify the part of the mall that the sugar shack is in and she's like yeah I'll get those kids out of there and like I'll get everyone in that zone like I'll root them out like she's beholden to like the upper echelon maybe of the crime mo's and that's that's true yeah oh yeah like they're in the they're in the pocket of the food court basically yeah it could just be tina is in cahoots with uh the the people who want to gentrify this area I've an idea what security is working with the food court the food court tells them what to do uh I think that tina being a power hungry money hungry a corrupt individual she's brokered a deal the food court doesn't know about that if they did find out she'd be fucked with the wine moms yes because the wine moms want the choco factory so the wine moms want the choco factory but they're not part of the development idea I thought they were the part of the development the gentrification of it they are I think there is a I think there's a secondary deal that tina has been cut in on that maybe is related to the chocolate that they wanted to steal from the chocolate factory that dark chocolate that good good yeah dank yeah so what you learn I won't act it all out yeah that's fine uh tina is putting together a team basically for the wine moms to get access to this dark chocolate that they're going to be selling and they're not planning on cutting in the food court oh shit yeah so that's what I'm going to do I'm going to give people the give people the give people the food court so they're gonna say oh yeah we're going to deal with you guys at the food court we'll be like partners like 60 40 and then they're gonna undersell all this dark chocolate and then oh buy all their shares out and then yeah themselves wow buy all the property oh so they want this they want the dark chocolate so they can buy that property out from under the food court snake the deal out from under the food court and if the food court knew they like tina durger and the wine moms would be out so fast yeah yeah and the another weakness is that she keeps trying to refer to this group of people as tina seven and everybody hates it everybody thinks it's lame and thinks tina's lame I like that yeah oh my god that's so funny so like clover's watching and she sees oh she sees one of the wine moms come in to tina's office for a secret meeting she meets people personally with chardonnay fiero sick so I scuttle off to tell you guys through all the vents and tunnels that you're traveling through right now because I have like a few music bottles on me so I have to be really quiet and careful about it clink clink clink why did I bring all this stupid stuff through you in the tunnels like behind you in the tunnels as you're traveling through every once in a while you're like bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang what is it something's following you an elf I turn around something scuttles around the corner corb green is that you corb oh it's the fucking elf what do you want the hobnoblin pokes his head around the corner do you just what's up what do you want are you scared me kind of gets closer whoa are you lonely oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!<|pt|> oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh I Kate like that?

I talked to him in the tunnels and if you had seen it you would believe me and I know I sound crazy right now but I'm not I understood every word he tried to say yeah really?

Yeah he was like wow Clover it's been a while and I missed you and I was like you should come over and it said okay and here you are being a big old bully just like the bullies who bullied me like other like the bullies like Tina Durger you're just like Tina Durger whoa whoa I am nothing like Tina Durger have you seen her quads?

Dog shit look at these and he flexes his leg you know quads don't make you a good person boy though whoa you just cut to the heart of me I have some real reflecting to do fine I'm sorry that I tried to attack the hobnoblin but in my defense I thought that he was trying to sneak up on you and bite you yeah I appreciate it but you should probably tell him sorry yourself I'll think about it and he goes and he's like I have to be alone and he walks four feet away and lies down on the couch bed okay well I'll be over there with Franklin and Fenton and he turns away wow Borbo is super grumpy he's not getting as much vitamin D as he's used to he's feeling shitty and I'm like but Clover you know why like he's been trying to work up the courage to ask Amelia forever and then she arrested you he has a huge crush on her oh no not anymore are you sure Borbo?

I'm sure not anymore he's not sure it's over it never began but it's over now I know heartbreak when I see it he's carrying around her scrunchie in his back pocket it is not her scrunchie it's mine I found it it belongs to me now he doesn't even have long hair I like to wear it on my wrist just like she did and he flips over on his stomach and shoves his face into the mattress and then he starts shaking like it's obviously that he's crying silently into a bare mattress holy shit what a sad image and Greg rolls back in from the tunnels he went out on a little excursion to gather some materials and he comes back with like some books and is on his lap so is this okay?

What'd you all learn? What'd you learn? I learned that Tina Durger is in cahoots with the wine mom who's that? We explain yeah oh and I tell you guys what I heard so they they just want us out of the sugar shack that's why they came after me so hard they're trying to evict us so that they can get the dark chocolate those slime balls yeah don't you know that? Yeah don't you know that?

Those fucking but you whoa okay that's a swear word wow that might be the first time that we bleep out a word I'm offended that it didn't phase me it doesn't it it it's weird because this is more from a podcast perspective right it didn't phase me but I'm imagining people being phased by it and that's phasing you whoa kid hey these we fucked with clover and they fucked with us and they're trying to get us out of our home aren't you like nine?

Yeah man and I'm gonna be ten soon and when I'm ten uhhhhh I'm gonna get a necklace right here that's gonna say it's gonna say I'm ten hahaha and for listeners when I went eh I like I raked a pencil across my throat like I was gonna slit my throat but that was the mystery and that is comedy I was gonna say that he still has half of his cane sword in his hand he doesn't think it's sharp but he raked it no and he has all these like scratches and scars little cat scratches on his neck yeah there's you gotta stop doing that buddy he is actually starting to bleed oh my god I got something for that Greg comes back with a mashed up handful of mushrooms he just rubs on your neck thanks and that's not everything you guys wait there's more?

There's more they plan to undercut the food court who's that? We explain you should go upstairs more often why? Are there mushrooms upstairs?

Yeah I guess so that's the way we can get back at Tina we could get the food court on our side and tell them what she's up to or we could try and snake the door we could deal we can snake the snake oh that's a good idea what if we find a way of getting that chocolate for ourselves and then we could be having the power well we do have access to Doris and Doris has been trying to like undermine the food court for fucking ever yeah I mean if we could work with her to help broker this deal out from under both of them a triple cross yeah Doris would be able to help you out for sure in some way like equipping you a little bit or giving you some sort of schematics to the chocolate factory or some shit okay cool okay so who's next on downtime?

I'll go next I've got I'm gonna go do I'm gonna reduce some stress so I'm gonna do my vice of sewing sewing? So I thought it was dancing no it was I think sewing's a newish one yeah it's not oh you're making an outfit I'm making an outfit for Borbo I wanna make him one of the crisp um undercover cop outfits sick so that we can he can pose as a security guard nice okay okay!

I'll say that because uh vices are supposed to be relaxing things that aren't work related it's not gonna be like an effective disguise necessarily you might have to spend another one if you want it to be like an actual thing that Borbo will be able to use sure cause vice is just like something that you do just for you bro looks pretty good so far Franklin thank you very much I love the uh the beading you did for it yeah the the bedazzling I thought at first was too much it's not though it's very tasteful you don't think so?

No it's so glamorous but like in a in an elegant way you think that I should have highlighted the nipples like that? I mean that part is they look elegant right? Yeah there's like one giant bead where each nipple is yeah yeah I'm gonna look like a fucking narc in this nice work I'm gonna I'm gonna look like a narc won a ballroom dancing competition can you do a fashion show? When it's done?

Uh yeah I would love to I would love to fashion show fashion show fashion show fashion show fashion show so Borbo uh leaves into the tunnel he turns down one of the maintenance tunnels out of sight and uh he you hear him approaching going like and he slides into view and then he starts doing a really uh strutty walk right down the middle of the room going I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm imagining this is a jumpsuit right?

Is everyone else imagining that or is that just me?

He said it's an undercover cop outfit I know but it's like he cause he didn't do a great job of it so it's on one piece but sewn to make it look like there's jeans and like there's like a piece of sweater sewn I couldn't get a whole sweater so I just have like chunks of a sweater sewn to a pair of coveralls perfect so he struts down he's like I'm a cop security stop duh duh duh duh duh best part and he grabs the front and he pulls it off whoa and the whole thing comes off in one piece and he's wearing his regular athletic outfit underneath and he's like for one I need to fucking work holy shit he bows Greg's like oh I love having you kids down here this is so cool Franklin walks out like he's Vanderbilt like you know when they always walk down the runway thank you thank you very much thank you gonna be all the rage next season tearaways huh patent pending thank you that's my name you can't use it uh great so that's three stress gone and do you got another uh activity in the in the hopper uh I would like to build a weapon cause I haven't added anything to my candy weaponry mhm I think now's a good time to beef up the arsenal yeah uh okay yeah it would be a long term project block cool uh so we'll call it four segments okay so you get to take it once this would just be I wanna come up with something down here so I don't have an idea what it is but I think it's gonna be mushroom based maybe that squishy mushroom you make people turn people into jelly what the fuck like like make them all blissed out and turn them into goo oh oh my god and then they can't chase after you yeah they don't die oh I see I thought you meant turn them into actual like goo no it's like a paralytic right yeah hell yeah yeah but it turns you out super jellyish yeah hell yeah oh gummy bears oh oh so smart I'm gonna build gummy bears that's really good really smart and cool and funny that's a good name getting a little tired Fenton's really into it I'm not tired me neither no is Fenton like sneaking samples yeah you can tell cause he's pretty jelly right now it's hard to tell yeah yeah I mean I'm naturally a pretty jelly kind of guy I'm naturally kind of a jelly boy your kneecaps look like they're gone yeah I know where are your elbows stop stop stop looking at them and it won't be an issue alright are you doing the luau right now um I think Franklin was testing these on me to start and then I maybe got a little bit addicted to them uh oh uh okay speaking of which what are your downtime activities Fenton um I'm going to indulge my vice to clear three stress which is writing fan fiction yeah uh it was you changed it recently to spy fiction was that a problem was that a permanent change or is it still vampires primarily it's still a lot of vampire stuff vampire spies yeah it's vampire spies now fuck yeah spy by night oh that's a good name for it spy by night away from here I gotta rush over this one um yeah so vampire it's like still vampire fanfic um and also I wanted to gather information because I was writing the vampire fan fiction uh and I was writing the vampire fan fiction and I was up in the the tunnels like workshopping it with my writing group uh and which is the hobnoblin uh so what kind of input does the hobnoblin give you a lot of that kind of stuff and then I kind of just project whatever onto it he ate one of the pages like it's a real he's kind of helpful I know I know what you mean man yeah Eduardo's character needs more depth he needs I think he needs to be betrayed by someone who he trusted right like he trusted someone and he thought they were friends and then that person chose someone else over him and then that person uh betrayed him and then the person that he was friends with chose the other person over him no you don't like it no you're right it sucks it's like Nick talking to Tran in the park in New Girl just that old quiet dude that he's like I love you man I knew that's what you were gonna say god damn it you should be writing these books we should co-author it this is mostly your stuff you came up with the whole uh vampire baby plot line I mean yeah I took out that whole weird baseball scene that you pitched and it was it did not serve the story at all why would they need to play it during a thunderstorm yeah but thunder is paired with lightning it wouldn't make any fucking sense it's the dumbest thing I've ever fucking heard that's why I replaced it well that they have to play tetherball during a hailstorm oh oh yeah it's to mask the sound of them slapping the tetherball it sounds like hail it's a totally different thing alright fine I'll add one baseball scene back in I love this partnership Fenton and the monster that he projects onto uh yeah there's a lot of stuff going on here there's really some kind of like psychoanalytic metaphor there yeah but I would say that this is a co-author and you know what why don't we use a pen name that represents both of us Fenton and the only time that he's taking his words literally oh right right and he's like alright and then I go and I am writing like the the author and I'm like and the author is uh Stephanie Myers Fenton and he nods and he looks really pleased and then he grabs it and he starts eating it yeah just eating the manuscript out of your hands what a genius he's just he's just just stone faced eating it in front of you not even excited just um okay I was really expecting you to reveal that Fenton has been writing these stories with his writing group that is vampires that live in the mall everyone thinks it's fiction but it's not it's not biographical I think I've mentioned it before but there is a a quote unquote coterie of vampires that live in the mall but Fenton is canonically afraid of them yeah totally well and because he's afraid of them he used to go to the theater right yeah and they live above the theater that's why he doesn't go there anymore and I'll make my own theater I wish a theater of the mind yeah exactly oh man um so then the other thing is that that plot line about the betrayal it gave him an idea oh sorry I gotta get out of the ring ring ring yeah oh and he wants to do a gather information cool because he has a theory yeah that Clover got arrested uh-huh because Kessarin tipped security off as to our plans because how else would they have fucking known what we were doing oh my god that little squat take that out yeah why I don't know it's a made up insult that I didn't like the sound of sounds you don't want to leave that in sounds kind of racist that's gotta be racist it does sound sweet you know I give you the Fred's like nah nah that's definitely not what you mean I'm gonna Eiffel Tower her so hard if I find out that she double teamed us what does Eiffel Tower mean?

You know when you tell somebody's parents that they did a bad thing you go straight to the top you go straight to the top she's gonna regret ever fucking with this devil's threesome that's what my beer league baseball team calls me devil's threesome yeah cause I can usually get three bases in one go okay so what's your gather information? It's just that you discover this or it's that you have a theory that this is what happened I have a theory and I want to prove it okay so how do you do this?

Do you have an idea? I don't know like do you and Franklin go out and do a spy or like gossip or I don't know yeah start asking around yeah I can't go with you though I know you can't I'm a wanted criminal unless what? We disguise you what? How? Da da da da Mrs. Gilbert yeah Mrs. Gilbert I pull out the Mr. Gilbert costume and it's like it's time you're ready for this I'm ready cut to she's the bottom of the Mr.

Gilbert outfit Finn's on the top he's got a wig on Franklin is so happy you can do it it's really sweaty in here it's harder than you think it really is I wasn't expecting it to be so bad Fenton's knee pits have extra sweat glands in them yeah Franklin is packed the inside of the trench coat with like sham wows cause he knows how sticky he can get great so Mrs. Gilbert enters the mall you're ready for this him wearing a wig is Franklin with us?

Yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm their kid oh yeah you're pretending that you're not a kid Mrs. Gilbert's your mom are you wearing like Fenton's little sailor boy outfit? Oh he's so small on me so tight so tiny are you sure this is gonna work? Yeah man I come up with great plans this is the best it's true and you know what to his credit no one's even looking at you that's the thing with Mr.

Gilbert and Toblerone Jones and the variety of offshoot characters stunningly people don't usually realize it right away okay so we're gonna go so what's the play here? Where can we get this information to confirm that she did definitely tell like security this thing what if we go to Millie with the guise of like a like a little what?

Oh sorry yeah Millie would be a good person because when she was arresting Clover she seemed really broken up about it so she knew something was up uh huh okay I have an idea okay what if we go to Millie as this adult yeah uh with this kid and we're just like hey um we heard that there was a kid that got arrested for the thing with the nog hogs that nog thing that happened um that nog thing?

Yeah and we wanted to make sure that little Chauncey here Chauncey again didn't or we'll think of it differently Chauncey works great little Chauncey here didn't have a chance to interact with you know that kind of element uh so we just want to make sure that everything's fine and that that that that little girl isn't at his school or anything uh cause we w- we wouldn't wa- he's a very impressionable young boy and we wouldn't want him to be affected by it I want a bigger lolly he's got a huge fucking lolly he's almost as tall as Fenn on Clover's shoulders so he's pretending to be a little kid with this deep pubescent voice he's like mommy mommy give me a bigger lolly well I mean the child is currently in custody yeah so so every that that's fine oh you got her yeah yeah yeah wonderful wonderful and uh is there um are there any children that were involved in kind of like turning her in or anything cause that's the right kind of crowd that we want little Chauncey to be a part of I this is an active investigation so I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an I give you an Tip.

Alright, that's all you had to say, Millie. Thank you very much. Uh… She's not wearing a nametag, so she's like, I do I? Uh, oh, oh! Mommy, I have to pee! Oh, my- I have to pee so bad! Oh, my little boy has to pee! I have to go, sorry! I- okay- Run! Start running! Ah! I start running, but I, like, can't see which way Franklin's going, so I start- I'm kinda like, Ah! I like to- And the whole, like, Mr. Gilbert is- Yeah. There's weird angles happening in the trench, cause- Yeah.

I just- Franklin's holding her hand like this, but also, like, holding her up, doing double duty. I just realized, I imagine that one of the arms this whole time has been, like, a fake arm, and the other arm, Ratatouille-style, is inside, tugging on whoever's hair is driving. Just to get them to go in the right way. Yeah. Uh, great, yeah, so… Millie didn't say specifically, yeah, it was Kessin Ro- Kesserin Ropes, but she looked pretty shaken up when you said it outright. Yeah. Affirmation.

As we're running away, we teeter, and then we slam into a door with a crash bar in it that goes into a stairwell down, and then you hear all three of us tumble. Whoa. Cause the part of Mrs. Gilbert that hits the crash bar is just, like, the middle, like, around Clover's shin. Jesus! Just, wham! Oh! Uh, that's great, so, yeah, that's what you know about, uh, this situation, Kesserin Ropes informed on the Cool Treat Kids to get, uh, Clover arrested. Ah, fuck! Fuck, Clover, it was Kesserin!

I knew it. She doesn't have a good bone in her body. Do you think sh- we could shake her down? What's she getting out of this? Well, like, she's getting Seamus out of it. Drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge, drive a wedge! And that's where we're gonna end it for this week? Yes! Totally. Also, we could definitely use, uh, Kesserin Ropes to feed misinformation to the public.

Also, we could definitely use, uh, Kesserin Ropes to feed misinformation to the public. Also, we could definitely use, uh, Kesserin Ropes to feed misinformation to the public. Yes, I agree. Yes, I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree.

But joining me as always playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdulaziz. So long. Playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Drive a witch. Playing Clover Ivy Fern, the whisper, Jessica Tai. Break them up. Thank you to listener and Discord user and patron and all around slick individual Quinn for intro and outro music that you can hear at the top and bottom of every show. Absolutely astounding. Thank you to you, our Patreon supporters. Without whom the show would not and could not happen.

So thank you so, so much for all of your support. We'll see you next time. Always up to no good. So tiny and greedy. And angsty they be. As they navigate crime and puberty. Puberty. And though our journey. Be like a conclusion. We will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to the chocolate store. As the cool treat kids plan their next score. And for you, I'll gladly spout more. I give you the