Episode 7 – The Squeaky Blade Gets The Dark

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound They're aware of the famously dazed Here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets She has a corn dog addiction Benton's the sly, she sleeps the same And writes the fire of fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends And listen close For the tale's about to start Alright, hi, welcome everybody Welcome to Spoutmore Mall Brats I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara Joining me as always playing Fenton Beasley the Sly, Abdul Aziz Hello, everybody Playing Franklin Stein the cutter, Paul Oppers Hi there And playing Clover Ivy Fern the whisper, Jessica Tai Hi, everyone When last we left our heroes, the Cool Treat Kids They had entered into a downtime phase Following their abject failure At infiltrating the Nog Hole Speakeasy Talk about it some more, why don't you?

You really fucked up, you ate shit And then you blamed my high school dice on me Oh, I see you now Oh, I see you now Oh, I see you now Oh, I see you now Oh, I see you now Oh, I see you now Oh, I see you now Oh, I see you now Oh, I see what's going on Yeah, I'm feeling a little rough, a little rocky But I understand And in an attempt to lick their wounds The Cool Treat Kids initially began the operations To solidify their alliances with the various kid gangs of the mall Going to Father Arthur of the study hall The goth library group that lives in the tunnels And asking for him to set a meeting with another group That you had heard of, the Shadow Cloak Yeah A group of LARPing teenagers Who have sworn their allegiance to you Because you gave them two gold coins Remind me again what the name of that guy was?

Rathgar Rathgar Rathgar the Nightblade Yeah, and his compatriot Valinda Starvale Nice Franklin then put on a performance for the study group That he'd been working on called The Dark Pew Pertaining to some ancient church that he'd heard a song about One time Clearing stress, we cleared more stress Clover reconnected with her At this point long lost boyfriend Seamus Seamason Who delivered some corndogs via tube And had a little heartfelt conversation on some cans And Fenton went to the Hubberstone twins To quote unquote make me smart And what followed was a montage That awoke apparently previously buried Skills and knowledge that existed within Fenton's life And that was the first thing that Fenton could do To make himself forget about his relationship with his father Those have been unlocked The skills and the memories Yeah, what does that mean?

Who can say? Is what Fenton says to Rara What does it mean that I remember this now? Rara Okay And Fenton Why am I even paying you? You guys are paying him?

Fenton was able to deconvict him And he was able to get his name back And he was able to decode the ledger That they stole from Maurice at the Nog Hole And uncovered in one fell swoop The entire plan of both the Food Court And Tina Durger Tina Durger is working with A member of the Food Court Orange Julius On this real estate deal To sell not only The corridor that the Sugar Shack exists in But the mall itself The entire mall While the Food Court attempts to influence A local mayoral election to Eventually convince their candidate To give them extra territoriality rights Meaning that they would be able to fully Govern themselves Ensuring the survivability Of the mall forevermore Pretty cool And that is where we find ourselves now The Cooltree Kids had been previously discussing a plan To exit the mall Go to the Spearmint B&B And dissuade an adventurer By the name of Swift Who had been hired by the Vineyard To find the dark chocolate In the chocolate forest What's with this guy?

Is that the plan? Is that the job you want to pull? Is you want to try and stop Swift from doing the chocolate thing Or do you have another? Let's have a conversation about this Are we still in the rat tunnel?

Oh no I think we're in our own tunnel Oh right the ledger was left in the Care of the rat man Because it is very very dangerous information to have And it's also very valuable information For when we want to eventually destabilize anything We didn't trust it with anyone else And his horde of rats Yeah more with the rats really I think we're forgetting about his rat horde Okay yeah So what do you guys think the best approach is with this guy?

Borbo's gonna get us into the Spearmint B&B But what are we gonna do?

I mean I wonder if we can just win him over Maybe he'll help us get the chocolate And we can split it Like if he's a good guy And he doesn't know what's going on behind the scenes here Yeah maybe he's just working for money also Or maybe he's just in love with adventure Or maybe he's just in love with adventure Yeah And maybe we can offer him other kinds of adventure Totally The adventure of justice The adventure of freedom The adventure of a mall staying open Yeah Suddenly reminded of the stakes We can't let the mall close Cause it's where we live Because we are squatters It's the giant box in which we live It keeps the sunlight and wolves out So in terms of like the planning And engagement style Of this job This might be our very first social Cause it sounds like you're just gonna talk to the guy Wow I mean I think we should study him first Is that part of it?

We could even just go look through his trash Or talk to the chambermaid and see what kind of mess he's leaving behind Oh yeah I do like looking through trash Yeah me too I found this garbage bag in one once No way Yeah it's perfectly good Why would they throw it out?

So poorly I know I can't believe they threw this garbage can out to put garbage in it You can do so much stuff with a garbage bag I mean half the clothes I wear are garbage bags Franklin and Fenton are like yeah we know Yeah we know The streak in my hair is a garbage bag Perfect Also I've heard the Spearmint B&B has a water slide in it No way You guys live in a massive mall and hang out in a park With enormous water slides This is a different water slide It's the kind that goes out of the building a little bit And then comes back in The flirting with danger slide Very scary And the part that goes out of the building is clear Woah It's like a horror show Like really clear Like mysteriously clear It feels like it doesn't exist Woah So what I'm now understanding Is this entire, which I love This entire job is you guys going to a motel It sounds like that's the kind of thing that you do That's what it's shaping up to be I love it So with social The detail you need is the social connection But I think the connection That you needed was You know that he's there So you can just talk to him Like if you find him at the motel We know who's hired him right The wine mums, the vineyard We know his name, Swift Tina Derger's She's the one who hired him I guess It's like I think What I'm not understanding is that Tina Derger hired Swift through the vineyard Oh okay So is Tina Derger working with the wine mums Like they want the same thing Yes they think that They want the chocolate So maybe the mums want the chocolate and the shack Cause they want to Gentrify But Tina's plan is like one step bigger Where she's like yeah okay And the mums probably don't know that They don't she's planning on fucking them over Heartcore I know I'm glad we kept that ledger So that we can put her in a situation Where she's gonna get murdered Woah woah woah Fenton Fenton Fenton You can't just say stuff like that Sorry and then Fenton goes Where we put her in a compromising Position there you go He winks well he is getting smarter Yeah Again I just want to make sure I'm clear on this Borbo is taking You to the Spearmint B&B in a box Yes but just because you don't want To go outside not because you're trying to Sneak into the motel no because we're gonna try and sneak in I think a little bit we wrote what do we write on the box I guess that's what I'm wondering are you being like Delivered yeah yeah we're being delivered Yeah we're they're not gonna let a bunch of grubby Kids into this nice B&B We're in a fake birthday cake Box Yes it says birthday cake on the side Yeah okay So whose birthday is it supposed to be When I get there for Swift It's Swift's birthday well we just are Sending him a birthday cake oh okay It doesn't have to be his birthday to have a birthday cake Good point and it's if anybody asks Just say it's his birthday Cake okay yeah And after you deliver it can you Hang out in the motel Bar it just in case shit Pops off just in case we need you to help us Yeah what are you Doing when you get there it sounds like You guys are gonna do a crime in there no No no no we're just gonna look around And then talk to Swift and Fenton Goes I just did a crime in there and he points at The bathroom All right Smash cut to A wet mop leaning against the door beside It and flies flying around Classic Okay we're gonna smash cut to the engagement Role to see sort of what situation We end up at so you start with One die for sheer luck as always Is this operation particularly Bold and daring no Yeah we're just talking to a guy Is it overly complex or contingent On many factors I mean for the situation It's overly complex we have Made it overly complicated I guess you have so minus one So now you're at zero okay Right so we just talked ourself out of the Guy have made us serious that's Actually a good point Jessica the plan that We came up with we kept adding layers To it that were completely unnecessary And it could cause it to fail or go weird And I was desperately Trying to get you to stop just Go over next door no We'll see it's his birthday we refused to go Outside we insisted on being In a box we insisted on the box Was labeled birthday cake Then that's where the plan ends Yeah okay yep cool Does this plans detail expose A vulnerability of the target or hit them where they're Weakest does he love birthdays We don't know who doesn't Good point that's my argument I would say that it does In that if you are able to Dissuade Swift from Doing this job for the vineyard Their whole thing is fucked Cause like they're still gonna go in probably But they'll be without like an expert Yeah totally So you get one plus one die for that Sick is the target strongest against This approach or do they have particular defense or Special preparations no Can any of your friends or contacts provide Aid or insight yes Borgo's gonna be There to provide muscle And are there Enemies or rivals interfering in your operation No they probably don't know that you're even gonna try this No are there any other elements You might want to consider maybe a lower tier Gives you a plus one maybe a higher tier gives you A minus one is it can we maybe Consider the fact that we're like cute Little kids and he will Listen to us maybe Listen to a bunch of cute little kids that are Begging him to save their home I don't think you know enough about this guy To say that one way or the other Aren't we that cute I mean you are Fendon but You're pretty cute Pretty cute Chloe you're pretty cute We're pretty cute kids Aren't we like baby cute No we're not baby cute we're like depressing cute kids Yeah We're like pathetic cute We have pathos on our side Maybe he doesn't like kids Well then we have an idea pack the trench coat Yeah I'm bringing in Mr.

Gilbert I have a backpack full of disguises Perfect Oh yeah and choose your like what Load you want to take I'm gonna take all my weapons cause I mean If shit comes to shove then I'm gonna just take them out Do you mean like heavy Non normal Light personally Light is inconspicuous I'm gonna do light also So that means you get three little checks on your equipment The things I'm taking are subterfuge tools Don't need to pick right now Finery and a canesler Alright you're picking right now I'm gonna take a can of refried beans Just add it A can opener and a bowl for my refried beans Oh nice I didn't bring a spoon fuck Okay so we've got two dice for the engagement roll Who's rolling?

Jessica You get to die Put all your moth power into it Visualize a moth I'm gonna number six Pretty good five and six Holy shit Okay so five and a six so six is good result You're in a controlled position when the action starts Cool So Borba loads you up in a box It's supposed to be a birthday cake box So it's probably pretty small Oh it's shaped kinda like this like tears Oh so Franklin's at the bottom Clover's in the middle And you're like I'm gonna take a cake Totally That's great I imagine a tear cake but that's so funny Wow so you guys didn't give yourselves any extra room in this box You're like crammed in Gotta be stealthy Can't let them think we're in here Yeah and also this makes me feel more comfortable Feeling enclosed with the two people I enclosed us to Okay There's no room for the wind to get in Yeah okay So just between us or light or horses or rain Just enough for a little bit of air Okay I'm gonna seal you guys up now So I'll see you soon And Borba's got like a little delivery hat on And like shorts and a polo shirt You know like real delivery guy stuff You're in the tunnels when he's doing this And then he like squats down You can hear him like slide his arms Underneath the box and go And now he's carrying all three of you In this box And you're kind of like trundling along Okay who's coming next?

Going to start the conversation. And he fends on top. And he is the smartest one now. I am pretty smart, but I think we can all approach this together. So are we going to try and get Borbal to convince the hotel staff that he wants to surprise him and leave it in his room without him knowing? Yeah, I think so. And then if we just stay in his room and observe him and see what kind of guy he is, then we might be able to get a sense of if he's a good guy or a bad guy.

And if he leaves, we can creep out of the box and look around and see if there's any clues. So we're just being in the box to get the housekeeping staff to put us in his room. Exactly. Because nobody doesn't deliver a birthday cake. That is the rule of our universe. And as you guys are talking, you can hear outside the comfortable murmuring, the constant noise of the High Spear Mall. The air conditioning. The air conditioning. The chattering of the various food court crowds. The shoppers.

The tourists. The dulled light. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, it gets way quieter. And the outside of the box gets like cold. What? And you can hear on top of the box like … Borbo, are you crying? Why are you crying? It's nothing kids. Don't worry about it. What is it? What's on the box? Nothing. Don't worry. We're almost there. Borbo. Excuse me. And you hear … What was that? Nothing. Borbo, what was that? Was that a wolf? Nothing. It's all good.

I just had to walk around a guy and his horse. A horse? It's all fine. Don't worry. There's guys out here? Wolf, wolf, wolf, wolf. I know what a wolf sounds like. Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush. Okay. All right. All right. We start shifting around a bit a lot. No, no, no, no, no, no. Kids, kids, kids. Please, my abs. I'm so tense right now. Okay. We're here. Shut up. Ding dong. Crr, crr. Yeah, hi. I have a birthday cake to deliver. Oh, yeah. It's for, um … Swift.

Sorry, I didn't get the first name, but it's for Swift. I have a new newspaper ticket. Okay. Here you go. What language is she speaking? And the box like, Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is a heavy one. All right. Thank you very much. It's gluten free. Oh, I'm just going to drink this. Oh, yeah. Please. The bar is right over here. You can just make yourself at home. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. I'm a fucking mailman. Ding. Ding. Just a second. I'll be right back.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Fucking hell. Slam. Box is definitely dropped on the ground for a second. You hear keys jingle. Key in lock. Door open. And then you feel what looks like somebody just like kicking you along. Like pushing you with their legs. Yeah. Jesus God. Okay. There we go. Plop, pet, pet, pet. Creak. Silence. Silence. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give.

I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. I give you the give and give. Here. Yeah, it sounds quiet. Okay. I'm gonna peek. Okay. Peek. What do you see? You see like a normal, like a queen-size bed. With a safari hat on it? Okay, there's a safari hat. There's actually three safari hats.

They're stacked next to each other, kind of in increasing order of importance, it would seem. Oh, cool. Oh, you can decide what to wear. And there's actually a bunch of shit in here. Huh. Like bags, trunks, boxes, various pieces of clothing and equipment. Like books? Like piles and piles of books? Yeah. Lots of stuff. Are there birds in cages? Uh, no, you know what? There is actually, there is one cage with a bird in it. Hmm. But there's no person. Describe the bird.

The bird is like, got bright blue and green plumage, and like a dark hooked beak, and a long tail, and it's just like sitting on a little stick in the middle of the cage. Hello, bird. It like turns its head and looks at the box that is now talking. Bird, we're gonna come out of the box now. Don't be alarmed. Don't make any sort of alarming bird sounds that would call anybody to what might be an alarm. And if you stay quiet, bird, maybe we'll leave a little treat for you. Very well. Whoa!

We burst out of there! What? Oh, did you just talk? What'd you say? I said very well. Hello, bird. Hi. What's your name? I'm Franklin. I'm Taylor. How are you talking? All the animals we've ever interacted with just give us the cold shoulder. Granted, they are mostly rats. Well, I just talk. I'm a talking bird. Wow, cool. Where'd you come from? Oh, far, far, far, far from here. Somewhere far away. Like the mall? Not from any mall. From a nice, warm place. Like a mall, but far away. Yeah, okay.

Like a far away mall. Like a hot mall. Like a hot mall. What's the situation with the Swift guy? Oh! Me and Adric have been traveling together for years! Adric? Adric? Adric Swift? You're Taylor Swift? That's me! Wait, you're not married to Adric, are you? No, no! I'm a bird! We're simply traveling companions! Mm-hmm. Is he nice? Oh! Wonderful! Excellent! Smart! Quick! Uh, witty! Does he like kids? Uh, doesn't not like kids. Doesn't especially love kids. Okay, that's not bad. Loves his work.

What's his work? Oh, adventure! Whoa! What kind of adventures? Oh, all kinds. Give us a sampling of some of your adventures. Fighting vicious monsters! Uncovering ancient treasures! Solving riddles! Traveling the whole wide world! Whoa! That's a job? It is for Adric! You do it outside? Oh! Yeah! Maybe outside's not so bad. Outside's amazing! That's where the world is! That's also where wolves and horses are, too, dude. Yep! Yep! Bop! Oh, what are you three doing in Adric's room? Or in our room?

I'm in, this is, well, this cage is my room. But it's inside the other room. And we're looking at each other. We just want to talk to him about one of his adventures. Yeah, the adventure he's about to do pretty soon. In four days. Oh! The chocolate factory. Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, my understanding was you were gonna leave me a little something. Because otherwise, I'm gonna have to start squawking. Okay, okay. Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no. No need for that. I have candy. What kind?

I have chocolate bars. Oh, fuck. I have candy, but it's not normal candy. Huh? I have a bunch of old wine gums. Oh, those'll get you drunk. Oh! Oh, that's a good thing? Well, once in a while. Okay. I put, like, a fistful into his cage. And he hops down, he grabs one, he hops back up, and he starts, like, he's got it in one of his little talons, and he lifts it up to his beak. Oh! Alright. What did you want to know? I can't let you steal anything. We don't want to steal anything.

We want to talk to Adric because the chocolate factory is our home. Should I tell him that? Yeah, this bird seems trustworthy to me. I trust the bird. Can we trust you, Taylor? Well, I guess you already are. Can I consort? Or study? To see if I get, like, a good vibe off of this bird? Uh, yeah, you can consort. Okay. This is controlled. Standard. Bird, can we trust you? Four. Four to five is a partial success. You do it, but you suffer a consequence. I think Taylor is like, Oh, yep!

You can trust me! You know, if I wasn't trustworthy, Adric wouldn't keep me around. You can trust Adric, too, in fact! He knocks its head, and you hear a knock, knock, knock. Taylor! I understand there's a birthday cake here for me! He opens the door and, like, sweeping into the room in a flurry of, like, a beautiful purple cape, blonde hair down to his shoulders, a kind of tan complexion with, like, the littlest hint of an elf ear.

A very handsome man with, like, a real swashbuckler, like, blonde mustache and the blonde chin strap. Wonderful clothes. Just swirling into the room is adventurer Adric Swift. Whoa! I break out into a round of applause. I'm gonna run up to him, put my cane to his throat. Yeah, I don't know. I don't totally trust this guy. And as you run towards him with your weapon in your hand, before you can blink, there's a rapier pointed at you. Whoa! Careful now, child! Who the devil are you? Who am I? I…

I'm… We're the Cooltree kids and we came to talk about our home. And maybe that you don't know that you might be taking it away from us. We want to know if you know the reasons behind your newest adventure. And he looks at you for a moment with an appraising eye and he, uh, sheathes his sword. I sheathed my sword. I'm just putting a can of cane back in my mouth. Alright, child, you have a moment. Who hired you? Ah! Let's take this somewhere a little more comfortable, shall we say?

And smash cut to the restaurant and bar of the Spearmint B&B. And he's tucking in a napkin into his shirt. Into his ascot? It's over top of the ascot. And he's got a plate of ribs in front of him. Ha ha! Delicious! Fenton is sitting in a children's seat. A booster seat. With a little table on it. Ha ha! Alright, children, so, as I'm sure you can understand, I can't tell you everything you might want to know, but I'm happy to tell you some. Indeed, the vineyard hath hired me. Hararara!

He just starts meowing on a rib. Are they paying you for this job? Quite handsomely, yes. Okay, is that the most important thing to you? Yes, it is. I love money above all things. I thought you loved adventure. And adventure. I also love adventure. Very astute. What's most important to you, Fenton says is he skewers a chicken nugget. Ha ha! And then he, like, daintily dips it in a little cup of ketchup. He's like, is it money? Or is it adventure? Nom nom nom.

He's being a very delicate little boy. Very fancy lad. Let's go around the horn and get him out. I want to know what the kids are eating, too. Clover has one of the coloring menus and a cup of crayons that she's coloring. Glass of chocolate milk, chocolate soy milk. Nice. With, like, the little red and white straw. She's vegan. She's vegan. And she's got a plate of plain spaghetti with sauce on the side. When it's not candy, Clover eats like the pickiest kid in the world. Sounds like…

Wait, why sauce on the side? Because then I can coat it the way I like to. This is a smart girl. You would listen to your compatriot friend. Okay. Sauce on the side. Each noodle sauced precisely as you desire it. Well, sometimes you get more sauce that way. Exactly. It's true. Sometimes they think the coating of the sauce amongst the noodles is enough to convince you it is a full dish. But it is not. Oh, yeah.

And then if you have sauce left over, you have, like, a little soup you can drink at the end. A little night sauce. I like the way you think, boy. As you can understand, as a man on the road, I've come to appreciate the dining establishments and roadside motels such as this. Some of the finest dining in the world, I say. Right here? Right here. What have you got there, my man? Well, I ordered a flambé meal. It's like a sizzling. They come in, they put a burner down and then they sizzle.

You know, they sizzle at the walk. And you get to cook your own food, like a Korean barbecue, but I'm making a s'mores over the fire with peanut butter cups instead of chocolate bars. That I brought all my own supplies. I say, is that a peanut butter cup inside of a s'more? You're darn right it is. Savory. Sweet. Adventurous. You children are quite something. And I got chicken fingers. I saw. With a side of ketchup. Delicious. And a Cape Cod lobster. A full lobster, you say? It is.

Very difficult to get into. I was unaware. Delicious. Fetid is doing his best to crack into this thing. Here you go, my boy. Here's something that I've learned after decades and decades on the road. And he pulls out a little cracker for a lobster and hands it over. Oh, thank you. Always be prepared. Thank you, Mr. Swift. And then he cracks the lobster, takes the meat out, dips it in the ketchup. Mr. Swift was my father. Please call me Adric Swift. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!

So, as I was saying, I am in this purely for the money. I'm a man of, uh, means. But those means are acquired through the doing of adventures. Yeah, was your life about the money that you earn or the venture that you seek? Are you someone who can be bought or are you someone who's in it for the sought of adventure? Sure. He slowly, lifts a rib up to his mouth, looking at you thoughtfully. Ah! He's got sauce all over his mouth now. He's holding something back. You can tell. Can I use a tune?

Yeah, absolutely. To figure out what he's hiding. Yeah. So I have one in resolve and one in a tune. So you would roll two dice, yeah. And take the highest. Six, nope. Five and a two. Yeah, no, five is great. So that's a success with a consequence. All right. You know what? I think we're gonna have to start a clock. Okay. We're gonna start a six segment clock called Adric Shoes You Away. So that is going to be… Jessica, did you do a clock or do you want me to draw one?

Oh, I'm doing one right now. Are you sure I can draw one? No, don't. Don't do the draw. No, please. What? Time crunch? It is six segments, not four. Perfect. So yeah, so that the starting of the clock is the thing that has happened. There's no segments filled in yet. But once that fills up, Adric will have to shoo you away. I am not a man that can be bought. I am a man of a particular set of skills. And I'm a man with a sense of joie de vivre and life.

And I like to pursue and uncover those things that would remain covered otherwise. So maybe my work takes me from place to place and intersects with the goals of others that would wish to pay me. But sometimes I'm just here for… Me, for myself. You know? No. Well, basically, what you're getting out of that success is that he is here for another reason also. Ooh. So it can't just be the chocolate factory and the money you're after. Not a guy like you. So much going on.

You've seen so many things. Enough of this. What say we go swimming? Yes, please. Hey! Vincent gets so excited, he starts… Hey! Trying to get himself out of his… Out of his cart, out of his little seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when a kid gets really excited and they're like… Pushing themselves up. But he was a little big for this seat. He insisted on getting in it. Yeah. So he needs, like, Adric to pull him in. Uh-huh. Yeah, and so smash cut to the tidy little pool at the Spearmint B&B.

It is outside. So it turns out you kids actually had it wrong. The water slide is outside, and goes inside for a second, and then comes back outside. Shit. This is terrifying. Oh my god. So we haven't been outside yet. We're just waiting at the door, about to go outside. In our swim trunks. And Adric is there. He's got a bathrobe on, and he's like, come on, children. Would you like to… To swim? I mean… Yeah? We have to. Oh, no, no, no. You do not have to. It's just that I will be swimming.

You need us to come outside over there, to the outdoor pool to talk to you? Um, I suppose. I mean, are you staying at the hotel, or what's the deal here? We… We live in the mall. Ah. Yeah, yes, I have. I'm sorry, it's been a while since I have crossed through High Spear Way, but you're denizens of the mall. Mm-hmm. We're not used to the outside. Fascinating. Outside means lonely. Oh, okay, you know what? It means, oh, wolves. Yeah, outside is where our trauma lives. Okay, all right, okay.

I don't have a base tan. All right. Kids, you know what? Then how about this? How about merely a schwitz? Let's go to the sauna. No, guys, we can do this. Okay. This is important. He adventures everywhere. We can do this. We're together. Okay, let's hold hands. Let's hold hands. Do we have to roll anything? I guess resolve? Okay. Group action. Group action resolve. Group action resolve. To go outside without freaking out? I guess so. So we each roll two? No, you'll each roll your resolve.

So if I, okay, so I have one in resolve. I have one in resolve. Yeah. Also. I feel like the stake here is that we go outside without totally fucking embarrassing ourselves. Well, this is desperate for run, because you guys have never gone outside before. This is huge. And if you succeed, you're good, but if you fail, it'll be like a lot of ticks on the clock. Right. Okay. Okay. Three, I think, is what the desperate is. All right, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Ding. The door slides open.

Two. Two. Four. Okay, so a four is a success. A four is a success with consequence. I want to push myself to roll again. Okay. Okay. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Six. Okay, so you take one failure, or one point of stress, but you get a six, which means you step out. Yeah. Into the cool air. After a couple of false starts. Yeah. Yeah, the doors didn't open. Boom. All three of us at the same time walked into the glass.

It takes like 25, 30 minutes for you to work up the courage to step out the door. Yeah. And you're outside. And it's okay. You feel fresh air on your skin. Ouch. You smell not fried food. It doesn't smell like funnel cakes. Oh my god. It sucks. It smells like minty or something. Oh, gosh. The sky above you is like a bright gray. It burns. It's kind of overcast. Yeah, there's light diffusing through the clouds, but it's still so bright for you. Yeah, my eyes are squinted. Yeah, me too. Oh.

Oh my god. Holy shit. I take the sunglasses off somebody sitting on the side of the pool. Well, children, what do you think? This is the great outdoors. This is the craziest thing I've ever done in my life. Yeah. We've done a lot of crazy shit in the mall. Yeah. One time we hired a Batman to scare a couple of kids in a hot tub. Haha, quite. One time I ate a magic mushroom and I turned invisible. One time we flew off a roller coaster into a ford of enemies. Wow.

None of those even come close to this. It's three steps outside. This event is squinting so much because it's quite bright. Yeah. We've been living in tunnels for the last couple of weeks. We've been extra inside. Yeah. We're fugitives. You know what they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with three steps outside the door of a wall. You need us to walk a thousand miles? How? All right, kids, I'm going to hop in the pool real quick. Feel free to join me.

Have you ever been in a pool before? Have we been in a pool before? I don't know. Have you been in a pool before? Please direct us to your water toy station. I'm going to go in the pool. I'm going to go in the pool. I'm going to go in the pool. I'm going to go in the pool. I'm going to go in the pool. I'm going to go in the pool. Direct us to your water toy station. He laughs and he gestures towards a shitty pile of like floaty noodles and stuff in the corner. Perfect.

And he walks up to like a chair and he takes off his robe and is wearing like a swimming costume underneath, like a striped black and white swimming costume. But on the parts of his body that are exposed, like his arms and his legs, he's just covered in scars. Whoa. A ton of different shapes and sizes. Holy shit. Yes. Well, you know, the remnants of a thousand battles past. The life of adventure is a life of danger, children. Remember that. What happened to you?

This one right here, this was a gibbering mouther. One of its many mouths latched onto my arm there. This over here, an orc chieftain. He and I engaged in fisticuffs until one of us was bloody and breathless and the other was dead. Whoa, which one was dead? Well, that's a story for another time. Cool. This over here, this was a, uh… From the defibrillator that brought me back after the fight with the orc. For I was the one that was dead.

There's just four, two rectangles in the middle of his chest. And this, well, this is from when I tripped in my mother's garden and fell on her spiky fence. Scars tell a tale of a person's life and I have lived quite a life. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you the story of a person's life, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to tell you spiky fence.

Scars tell a tale of a person's life, and I have lived quite a life. Yeah, check this out. I got this from trying to go after the hobgoblin the other day. It's an open festering wound. Oh, shit! You should probably not put that in the pool. Child, you should get that looked at right away, but you know what? Chlorine? That'll clean it right up. Chlorine? That's why I always visit a motel's pool. It's good for the wounds, good for the body. Cleans them right out. And you know what?

Somebody usually comes in and throws in more chemicals at the end of the day, so that blood disappears in an instant. Anyways, and he walks to the edge and does a graceful swan dive into the pool. How much do you think it costs to take the slide? He pops up and spits, Children, it's free! It's free? The slide is free. It's stairs and a decline. I run up the stairs. Two slides. Slides up and slides down. And you slide down. Yeah, you just go on the slide.

I guess, are you just going in your clothes? Yes. Excellent. So, Fenton is wearing finery, as I recall. Yeah. He dressed up real nice for this. He's in a tuxedo, top and tails. My god. You sink like a rock. He's wearing his Chinese shoes, and he also grabbed a little noodle, so he's going down with that. Yeah. So, are all three kids going down separately or at the same time? I'm having a hard time separating. Yeah, same time.

Yeah, same time, but guys, should we take this as an opportunity to try and impress Adric Swift? Yeah. Yes, of course. To convince him that we are also cool adventurers. Should we, like, stand up while we go down the slide? Oh, yeah. We're surfing. Holy shit, that's the coolest thing you've ever said to me, Clover. Is this a group action? Yes. Yes, it is. Yeah. Okay, what action are you using?

Well, Fenton throws the noodle away, and he grabs a flutter board, and he's like, I'm pretty sure we can all fit on this. One flutter board. Oh, we can do a triangle on top of it. Oh, good idea. Oh, yeah. I'll be on what? I'll be, if you guys are both on the bottom, I'll get on your shoulders. Sounds good. This is getting more complex as time goes on. Cool. So, this is a group action. You're using what action? Finesse. Yeah, finesse. Okay. Totally finesse. Shit.

I have two in prowess and one in finesse. Do I get three die? Yeah, you do. Nice. So, who's leading this? I will. Okay. Oh, four and five. Five. Five and a two. Fuck. Two. You take two stress because you failed and Fenton failed, but Clover succeeded. Yep. With consequence. The consequence being? Maybe Fenton just falls off of us and, like, falls over the slide. Yeah. So, it's not quite as impressive as you were maybe hoping. Yeah. Maybe the rescue can be impressive. Okay. Yeah.

So, you're sailing down. Franklin and Clover are standing on this flutter board. Fenton is trying to hold on. And before we go down, Fenton's like, Adric, Adric, look. Look at us. I'm watching. This is gonna be sick. Okay. And then he immediately falls off. One, two. Whoa. And Clover and Franklin, what, surf down? Yeah. Holding onto each other? Yeah. Yeah. And what happens when you hit the water? How do you dismount? I just flip off, but not in a good way. Not gracefully. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

Franklin's gonna, like, carve to make a big wave. Oh. And then as he turns, he sends out a licorice whip onto the bottom of the scaffolding, and then I'm gonna swing around and try and get Fenton off. Okay. All right. What action are you using? Finesse. This is risky. For sure. Okay. So I get three again? Yeah. Four. Okay. So you swing around, you whip out a licorice whip that you had in your pockets. All my equipment.

And you swing around, and as you're swinging around to grab Fenton as he's hanging off the bottom of the slide, you just wang your head on one of the posts, and you're gonna take that first little damage box. Yikes. Damn. Thanks for grabbing me, Franklin. Yeah, you're welcome. I was really sliding off there. God, I would've fallen, like, six feet or something. And, uh, yeah, Franklin, your vision's a little blurry once in a while, and it's, you're feeling a little foggy. Oh, God.

So you're gonna take less effect on all of your actions, basically, until… Did it look cool? It looked so cool. It looked fucking wicked, dude. It did look very cool. Oh, thank God. I saw you were in command of your physicality the entire time. And you endangered yourself to save your friend. Very impressive. It worked. Ah, children, there's nothing like soaking in a chemical filled vat of water. So, what were we talking about again?

Uh, well, we were talking about what else you're here for other than the money and the chocolate. Oh! Well, you know, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Nothing to trouble the minds of children with, though. Well, we're barely children. We're tweens. All the more reason not to tell you. You know what tweens are? They're reckless. I don't want the lives of three reckless children on my conscience. That doesn't sound adventurous at all.

The most adventurous thing that you can do is protect the lives of others. And that is what I, Adric Swift, have dedicated my life to doing. Well, if you're dedicated to protecting the lives of others, you should know that taking the job means that we're not going to have anywhere to live. Trust me, children, the alternative is far, far worse. And he dives under the water and he starts swimming around. What's up, everybody?

It's your boy, Borbo Borbom Borblo, and I'm trying to go on tour with my band B4, the Burly Beach Bod Bros, and we've got some sponsors that we need to play to raise tour, so check them out. Are you a budding detective? A wannabe do-gooder? Or just have an eye for detail? Are you looking for a task that will be both rewarding and help those in need? Then please, help me. I'm stuck in the service elevator behind the Caprice Theater.

I tried to pry the door open with my keys, but I dropped them down a hole and just made it worse. Please hurry. Please hurry. Please hurry. So don't wait. Visit noquestcast.com to claim your seat at our table. Well, I think all of that stuff sounds pretty sick, and I would buy it all now. Is that it? Have I fulfilled my contractual obligation? Yeah, you can leave. Okay, great. Bye. Okay, bye. We're going on tour! Trust me, children, the alternative is far, far worse.

And he dives under the water and he starts swimming around. I dive under, I'm like, wait! Is this a roll? Sure. Are you trying to convince him to keep talking to you? Yeah. So this is risky, standard, and what are you using action-wise? Resolve, I guess? Four. Four, okay. So take another mark on the Adric Shoes You Away clock. Okay. How many are on there now? I think it's just the one. Okay. Yeah, it's just one so far. Okay.

But Adric is swimming around and all of a sudden you're in his face with bubbles bursting out of your mouth going, what? And he surfaces really quickly. What? What is it? What's the alternative? You can't just say that and then stop talking. You can't just drop a… Fenton's on the other side of the pool. You can't just drop a juicy line and then sail away like a seal. Like, I get it that you want to be dramatic because Franklin's like that too, but like, come on!

Dropping a line and then disappearing dramatically is nearly 50% of adventuring, my boy. But he swims over to the side of the pool and like lifts himself up and he looks around at the other people at the pool. There's like two other people kind of vibing on deck chairs and he gestures you over. What do you know about the chocolate factory? Ugh, tons. Like, there's weird grass. There's the goblins that live in there that used to be elves.

There's like, I think there's bats and we take dumps in the scary bathroom. Yeah, we take dumps in there sometimes. I'm sorry. You take dumps in the chocolate factory. Yeah, lots of dumps. We're the cool treat kids. Have you heard of us? We take shits in chocolate factories. I regret to inform you I have not heard of the cool treat kids. That means that we're doing our job right. Yeah. Um, well, let me put it this way. The dangers that you enumerate are merely the beginning.

Do you know how the chocolate factory came to be? No. It was crafted long ago by a wizard. Like from Poofs? Yes, like from Poofs, the wizard-themed chain restaurant. Is it Poofs himself? It was not Poofs. It was a wizard whose name has been lost to time. Was it the wizard who created the eggbrook-cadegbra dish? It is a wizard whose name has been lost to time. Was it moons over my hammock?

It was a wizard whose name has been lost to time, but as stories say was obsessed with creating the perfect candy and so constructed this wonderful factory and its incredible ecosystem within to provide all the world with delicious confectionery treats. And I don't know if you know this, children, but wizards were dangerous. And whatever exists in that chocolate factory could very well be a danger to everyone in this mall and everyone in this land.

Anyways, I have designs of my own on the chocolate factory that the vineyard do not need to know about, but in the meantime, I will happily help them achieve their goal for a tiny little profit myself, as long as it does not intersect with mine own goals. Do your goals include tearing down the chocolate factory? No, not as such. Not unless it is absolutely necessary. Well, that's their goal. Well, then I cannot allow that to happen. So you'll help us then? Help you what? Keep our home.

Yeah, keep our home? Keep the chocolate factory away from the wine moms? Yeah, Fenton, at this point he like lays it all on the table. And he's just like we've come across some information that strongly indicates that the wine moms are planning on gentrifying the whole area that our sugar shack is in and the area that the chocolate factory is in, which means they're going to turn it into something called condominiums. I've heard the word. How does nobody know what this thing is? I love it.

When we're trying not to lose our home, there's a lot of people that are going to be displaced, but it might be of interest to you that they don't give a fucking shit about preserving the chocolate factory. All they care about is money. Interesting. There's another part too, and this one's way scarier. Are you working with Tina Derger? The name does not ring a bell, no. Children, if I may, smash cut to the lounge. Adrix on stage doing karaoke. There's a little disco ball spinning.

He's singing Adventure Queen Young and free Living fancy free Some disco song, absolutely. And then the song ends and we cut to he's at the table, he's mopping his brow. Okay, sorry. What were we talking about? Tina Derger, I believe. Yeah, I mean, she's in on it, but… Sorry. Don't say it too loudly. Yes, it's a big secret. Oh. And if she finds out that we know, we're dead. Dead, you say? Like, for real, dead. Yeah, not grounded, dead, dead, dead. I am familiar with the specter of death. Okay.

This is the first time that we're like, yeah, sometimes adults are kind of fucked up. Me too, I guess. I have stared the cold eye of oblivion dead in its pupil time and time again and I have said, not I! You have ribs in your teeth. Ah, well. Just keeping those for later. So I understand well the threat that you face. This Tina Derger. She is dangerous? She is. So, she's working with the wine moms, but it sounds like sounds like she's gonna betray them. Hmm.

She's going to find a buyer for the whole mall. Hmm. Interesting. And that means not only would we not have a home, but all the other kids and gangs wouldn't have a home. You are extremely protective of these criminal bands of brigands and thieves. We're not criminals. We're just trying to get by. Yeah. By stealing. Right. And we mostly steal stuff that either people don't want, or they clearly don't want, because they're not like paying enough attention to it. Yeah. Oh.

And then we sell it back to them at a profit. Children only steal things that are worth money. Yeah. Children worrying not. The third part of adventuring is stealing things and then selling them back to people for a ludicrous profit. I understand your plight and I am sympathetic to it, but you must understand my goals are my first and foremost concern. I need to get into the chocolate factory. And if these vineyard moms are the way to do it, then I must follow through with that. Okay.

Mister, can we have a huddle, please? You three or all of us? No, us three. Very well. And he slides his chair back and he picks a loot up off the ground from where it was and he just starts strumming away. Goes back to stage. Yeah. Ring. Friday night on the lights and the lights. Ring. The lights are low. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Um, okay guys. So it doesn't sound like the chocolate and the money are his only thing. No.

He's probably more into the magic side of it. That's what I'm thinking. Maybe we can guide him into the chocolate factory and get him in there. Yeah. And then he wouldn't work with the wine moms. Maybe. We can convince him that he can trust us. And if he doesn't want the chocolate anyways, maybe we can get it and auction it off. Yeah. Yeah. And then at that point, they won't really want the factory anymore. No.

Also, they'll be fucked because they won't have enough money to do their stupid condominium thing. Totally. Yeah. And then at that point, the only thing we have to worry about is Tina Durger. Yeah. Killing us. Yeah. All we'll have to worry about is that small thing. So small. Okay. All right. All right. Let's see if he wants to go back to the factory with us. With us. Mm-hmm. And spurn the wine moms. Spurn them. Okay. Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight. Uh, and he's back at the table. Wow.

You're really good at a lot of stuff. Thank you. Thank you. Before I was an adventurer, I was an artist of some repute. Wow. And now I wander these lonely roads, the only roads that I have ever known. That's a good lyric. You should use that. I should write that down. So children, you understand I have a job to do and I must do it. Okay. But maybe I can give you a counter proposal. That… That will maybe get you what you need and also help us keep our home.

What if we guide you into the chocolate factory? What if we get you in? We know it way better than they do. We've taken so many shits in there. We can show you one specific corner over and over and over again. Yeah. We can even show you the nice bathroom. Yeah. We can show you which banana leaves to use and which banana leaves to never use again. Yeah. We know where the tall grass is, where the licorice goblins live. And we can run fast enough to make sure that they don't get us. Yeah.

We know when the cotton candy fog rolls in. And we don't know what's in the fog, but we know we need to avoid it. Okay. So this is risky. Who knows? Uh… Because we're going to risk our lives. We're going to go with them. Yeah. Well, in that case, it might be desperate then. I think it's desperate because he's already hired for something. Like, what is he gaining? Yeah. Also, he's a grown adult and an experienced adventurer who's listening to a bunch of fucking candy. Yeah.

He's listening to a bunch of fucking kids. Give him a pitch. Yeah. But if he agrees, great success. And also, Hey, Drake. Yes. Whatever they're paying you, that dark chocolate's worth way more. Oh, I am well aware of the dark chocolate's value. We can get to that dark chocolate before they do. You'll be richer beyond your wildest adventure. It's a fascinating proposal. I am a little skint at the moment. And also the last… And also the last 85 years of moments. All right, let's roll. Okay.

So what are we doing? Is this one person rolling consort? Are we doing setup actions to increase the standing or effect? I mean, just for the pace of the episode, I feel like everything we've done so far has been a group action. All right. And we have all come to this together. So this is what? Sway? This is sway. We're not lying. So it is… Sway is not just lying. It is convincing. Oh, okay. I see. So we're going to do a little bit of a… Oh, okay. So we're going to do a little bit of a…

Oh, okay. So we're going to do a little bit of a… Oh, okay. So Sway is not just lying. It is convincing. Oh, okay. I see. So who's leading the group action? You have two. I have two. Fenton? I have one. I have one. So something to consider with group actions is less who has the highest dice and more who has the highest potential to take stress without. I have four blocks left for stress.

I have three blocks left for stress, but I'm down to risk it because Fenton's really feeling like this is his thing to do. Yeah. So I have two. Yeah. You should be fine. All right. So we're all rolling Sway, which is resolve. Okay. So I've won a resolve. Great. I got two. Oh, please. Oh, four. Six. Beautiful. A six. All right, children. You've got a deal. And I think that's where we're going to end it for this week. I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara.

Joining me as always playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdul Aziz. So long, everybody. And I'm playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Take care. Playing Clover, Ivy Fern, the whisper, Jessica Tai. Bye, everyone. Thank you to Samuel Quinn Morris for our amazing intro and outro music, Handmade with Love. And an accordion, I'm so sorry. It's a concertina, actually. Oh, cool. Yeah. We both play concertina. Quinn, much, much better than me.

Thank you to Duam Figueroa for creating World of Blades, the game we're playing based on Blades in the Dark by John Harper. And thank you to all of you, our amazing supporters around the world. Without who, we wouldn't be here today. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Tale of the cool treat kids, always up to no good. So tiny and greedy and angsty they be, as they navigate crime and puberty. And though our journey may belie a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to the chocolate store, as the cool treat kids plan their next score. And for you I'll gladly spout mom. Unless I was in a sentence there, my boy.

We can come up with a name right now. Ooh. Yeah, we should name this wizard if we can. Is it a wizard that is in Svelte lore? It's a wizard whose effect we observe because it might be the wizard who created the High Spear. No, so that's not. So I think the High Spear, because during the Golden Age, people traveled all over the place. And before that, everybody was isolated forever, like people always are. But all of a sudden, the world is like, oh, I'm not going to be able to do this.

I'm going to be like, oh, I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm going to be like, oh, I'm not going to be able to do this. And then the world became cosmopolitan. So I think the High Spear was constructed by a wizard whose specialty was language. And the point of the High Spear was that it allowed everyone that it reached to understand each other. Whoa. Which is why everybody that we've ever met in Svelte lore speaks the same language. It was a Tower of Babel. Exactly. Cool.

And it's one of the… Like a tuning fork for language almost. Exactly. You have any goosebumps? One, two… Three. I look like a fucking porcupine. I have so many goosebumps. And so it's one of the only… Or it's one of many, but one of the more prominent wizard pieces of technology that we know is still operational. Oh. Holy shit. Oh my God. Because remember like you see it and it's still there are pieces floating around it. It's kind of damaged, but it still works.

And the weird way, everybody was always down and against. They're so scared of other wizard technology, but this allowed… They're kind of like, they let that one slide almost. Yeah. Or maybe they weren't even aware of it. Yeah. Or maybe they weren't even aware of it. Yeah. Or maybe they weren't even aware of it. Yeah. Or maybe they weren't even aware of it. Yeah. People have forgotten for sure. Yeah. Whoa. Because Macaulay is its own language, but I feel like it's very easy.

Like we went there and we were all like, everyone was speaking to each other. It was like, I think it's very easy for people to pick up language in our world. Because they don't even know it, but yeah, they're being aided magically. So fucking sick, dude. That's sick, dude. So the High Spear was not made by the chocolate wizard. Yeah. Yeah. So the High Spear was not made by the chocolate wizard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard.

I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard. I would give it the chocolate wizard.

Kind of yeah Okay so I think the wizard was a woman Who made the factory Right cause we have seen There's like stories of the woman Drifting around in there Yeah the Dairy Queen Wait is she still in there? There's stories Holy shit Oh my god maybe there's some sort of remnant of her So actually yeah I think the name has been lost to time Now that we've gotten to this point Okay Okay