Episode 6 – The Blade is Mightier Than The Dark

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound They're aware of the famously tasty Here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets She has a corn dog addiction Benton's the sly, she sleeps the same And the rights can fire a fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends Endless in clothes For the tale's about to start Hello everybody and welcome Yeah, yeah, yeah To spout more Mall Brats I'm your game master, Sean O'Hara Joining us today Me is always playing Fenton Beasley the slide, Abdul Aziz Hello everybody Playing Franklin Stein the cutter, Paul Oppers Hello there And playing Clover Ivy Fern the whisper, Jessica Tai Hello When last we left our heroes, the Cool Treat Kids They engaged in an operation to infiltrate the Nog Hole Secret speakeasy Well, recently purchased thematically secret Speakeasy themed restaurant Underneath the Nogweiser To attempt to infiltrate the Nogweiser To steal a ledger Or something Some information that would show you what What Tina's plans were with the vineyard And the operations to Redevelop parts of the mall In her attempt to Take over the food court in some capacity They went in the guise of Master Gilbert Which is a three kid stack In a trench coat With Fenton at the top Clover in the middle And Franklin on the bottom Quads working overtime Yeah, leg day, leg day, leg day Yeah, I imagine Franklin's legs hurt for a long time after that Oh my god Kind of bit off more than we could chew with that plan in all honesty Yeah It was a rare failure for the Cool Treat Kids In which you were swiftly reminded Oh yeah, you're children Yeah And you're trying to take on a true criminal Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah I mean, the listeners learned that Allison the succubus is a lounge singer Pretty cool That is her current place of business and work and life Fenton spoke to Maurice, the accountant Yeah For either just the Nod Hole or for Tina Durger in general Spun some tale about being a mining magnate Yeah From Burt Grass Oh yeah I was trying to sell her on like my services To, well first of all I was trying to sell her on like my services Mm-hmm To, well first of all I was trying to sell her on like my services Mm-hmm First I kind of like was distracting him with a story about my father Mm-hmm While these guys stole a page of the ledger Mm-hmm And then when Tina came over I tried to pitch her on me going into the food, foods, not the food court, the chocolate factory Yeah To mine chocolate Mm-hmm And that, and it did not work No, it did not work To the point where, well Fenton, Franklin and Clover left disguised as a pair of legs Mm-hmm And as a waitress carrying a plate of food that they stole from somebody that wasn't done yet Uh, tried to get into the back room But were repeatedly foiled by, uh, being two kids in one pair of pants Mostly foiled by yourselves Uh, and this all led to an attempted casual escape Uh, and being found out or at least noticed fully And acknowledged by Tina Durger Fuck Fuck It was just a washout It was just a washout Oh, man Uh, oh, Franklin got a wallet Oh, yeah You guys took the wallet from Maurice And we also got a page of the ledger that showed that there were payments going out Uh Yeah Like to someone To CCNJ Yeah, but like it wasn't Yeah We couldn't tell anything from that Uh-huh CCNJ, huh?

Yeah Go ahead and write that down And let's all figure out what it means later Yeah Uh, and that is, you know, the kid, the Cool Treat Kids return Yeah To the tunnels Return to Greg's place A tail between their legs And that is the period of time we find ourselves in now As we undergo, uh, a downtime That's what this episode's gonna be A wee little downtime Oh, man, I'm bummed Yeah, what have the Cool Treat Kids been up to?

Oh, um, definitely emo time for me Mm-hmm I'm just hiding out in my hole You got a hole? Yeah What do you mean hiding out in your hole? You know, like that little tunnel thing Uh-huh That I was hanging out in before eating my burrito and crying Oh, right, you were like, oh, I'm gonna go to the tunnel thing You got a little alcove that you sit in Yeah So, I'm in there with a music bottle Playing MCR Which stands for?

My, my alchemical romance Oh, yeah, M-A-R, I guess Yeah Yeah And we're pretty worried about you Because you've been in there for, like, five hours Mm-hmm Just listening to the same song on loop Uh-huh Well, at least we know she's eating Because you keep sticking your fingers out and snapping For more burritos So, at least there's food going in There's no shit coming out Not yet Which is alarming, yeah That's, yeah, but when it does It's gonna But it is the kind of thing where it's, like In a family where there's one sister Who is, like, emotionally volatile We're all like, this is gonna be bad Yeah We gotta help her We're all like, this is gonna be very bad Because we're so oblivious to our emotional volatility Yeah I'm talking to Rara Oh, yeah He's kind of like my counselor at this point Yeah, he's got a little, he's got little glasses on He's sitting cross-legged with a notebook in his hand And then I don't know It was just really, really bad It was really hot in there I felt like I was under a lot of pressure Right And, um Then, I don't know Like, Tina knew it was us, for sure I just failed, you know I, like, failed my friends And I don't know where that comes from, really Maybe it's, like, something inside of me Where I, like, feel like I failed myself, you know Right Or maybe it's when my parents abandoned me But it doesn't seem Related Related There's no way No, it's definitely not an attachment wound I wouldn't worry about that, Rara And then he's scribbling in his notebook You seem scratchy Attachment wound Yeah, actually, if you were to look over his shoulder At what he's drawing He's drawing his own face Yeah With a little, like, an angry face and teeth And a little fedora on And a snare drum next to him He's remembering the letter And then the next thing is Of course Uh, entanglements You get one die One d6 off the top And then you roll another one If the target was high profile Yeah Tina Jorger high profile, for sure Uh, if the score was loud and chaotic You take another one Uh I wouldn't say so No, I don't think it was a sneaky It was a busy jazz club Uh, and one die if there was We gotta change this one Because the other one is One die if there was killing involved But there's never killing involved So what's the Mall Brats equivalent?

Fighting, I guess Yeah, I guess if it, like, got violent A big fight Yeah Okay, so no No So two dice And you want it to be low, remember Low, low, low One and six Ugh So six?

Yeah, it's a six Oh, shit So six, uh, as we have known many times in the past Because you almost always get a six Is, uh, the crew gets interrogated Slash suffers reprisals So, yeah, Corb Green You hear the little clink, clink Of his tiny little spurs As he walks down the tunnels Clover pokes her head out of the tunnel And it takes a long, a lot longer Than it would sound like with the spurs Because his legs are so small Right He steps slowly to keep up the cadence of a cowboy But because he's two feet tall Yeah And eventually he makes it He's got his little mall security cloak on He's added a cowboy hat recently Looks like he's been saving up For a fresh new hat He's got an even longer piece of straw It's fresh It's a straw inside of a other thing A fresh straw Yeah A fresh straw Well, hello, kids Oh, howdy there Hi Been a long time What you been up to?

Uh, following the law Yeah, just playing Hanging out down here and admiring your new hat Interesting, interesting Uh, cause that's not what I've been hearing What? Whoa Whoa No What are you hearing? What sort of lies are you listening to? Alright, not your most convincing work, I'll say Okay, we'll try again Okay, we'll try it one more time One more time Let's go Wait, wait, wait Okay, okay, okay, okay Cut What?

You gotta be fucking shitting me, Corb We fucked up, buddy In the pants We fucked up big time I'm sorry Are you serious? I'm sorry I just You went Rat for Tina Rat for Durger She's doing the thing Yeah, and you're A bunch of kids Yeah, whose house is gonna get stolen There are A lot of kids A lot of kids There's a lot worse things that could happen to you If you keep poking your nose where it doesn't belong Name one Exile? From what?

The mall There's nothing beyond the mall Oh, there's a whole awful world outside this mall And that could be where you're all headed Awful how Um, people have to live by themselves You gotta like go places for food But it's free though, right? No No shitty foods out there You gotta pay Money Gold coins It's all in like a court, right? No, it's outside It's outside?

Yeah, there's rain and it gets hot and cold But then the food will be hot and cold and wet You're absolutely right, it will I've heard about weather You're absolutely right And there are wild animals Animals? Yeah Oh, like other gangs? No, like wolves What are those? Oh, it's like a dog But it's meaner than a regular dog is Are they meaner than rats? Oh, it's so much meaner than rats What? That could be your futures If you're not careful Well, what are we supposed to do?

We can't just let the wine moms win Unfortunately, I think you gotta What? No I think you gotta take a loss on this one, kids Keep your heads down Security's ramping up Tina hired some outside contractor Who? What? I don't know, some hot shot retired ranger He's not to be trifled with Well, I love trifle Fuck! I was gonna say!

Yeah, me too Me too, me too I love us You beat him by one second Well, I do love trifle Trust me, kids This is one trifle That you don't wanna get to the bottom of But the bottom's the best part of the trifle Not this time The bottom of this trifle, it's only pain I mean, it's always pain after a whole trifle Yeah, it's true Just Just promise me that you're gonna be careful, alright? I can't keep covering for you You mean with regards to what kinds of trifle we eat?

Oh my good lord I mean, I prefer cherry trifle But I'll eat any kind, really God, big bear lend me strength Help us How? I don't know Tell them that we're dead Steal, steal those plans Steal all the money No, I'm not gonna, I can't do that I am an officer of mall law Send Doris Send Doris where, here?

Here Okay, alright, I can I can send Doris down here Tell her that we are in over our head And we don't know what the fuck we're doing Tell her to bring some shitty food Alright Tell her that Clover's been eating a lot of burritos And listening to a lot of MAR He pulls out a little notepad Starts writing Oh, I'll take a cherry trifle I'm not Yeah, extra large please Okay, alright Where'd you get that hat? Oh, this old thing?

He tips it Yeah, it really compliments your hair Thank you so much Wait a second You trying to butter me up? No I installed my hair Okay, alright, I'll send Doris But just I'm worried about you, just be careful, okay? What happened? What do you mean? Are you okay? I'm fine, what do you mean? Why did you say careful like that? Like what, what, why, what do you mean? Is your accent real? I gotta go now Corb, are you lying to us?

I'm hitting the trail And he gallops away on his two feet Yeah, he's shuffle, shuffle And Corb leaves, and he's like, I'm not gonna do this anymore I'm not gonna do this anymore I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give I give you the give and give Because it is kind of like the study group is just one other group that lives in the maintenance tunnels.

But there are there's a couple for sure. Can we recruit some of these teams to help us to gather information for us? Tunnel teams? Yeah, probably. Okay. So you've got remember you got two downtime activities each and those are clear one harm box. Indulge your vice to clear three stress. Take a segment on one of your long term clocks or gather info. One of my long term clocks is to build a bigger gang army. So talking to other teams down here would do that. Yeah, totally.

So you could use one of your one or both to take a segment on that. Okay. I'm going to take my clock for bigger gang army. And this is you like going to the study group and being like, we need your help. Yeah, we need one of the other groups. We're in with these guys pretty good, right? You're not. I wouldn't say you're like super pals, but you're definitely not like hostile. We definitely think that we're closer to them than we actually are. Yeah, definitely. I'm a study group.

It's just like rolling eyes. Like, yeah, you go down. Lock the door. You go down to the study hall, their library, and you're speaking to a 15 year old named Father Arthur because he dresses like a priest. And he has one of those wide black hats. And he's sitting at a table with like a burning candelabra on it. So. You come. To me. For what? Well, I want to know of the other people who live in the tunnels. What of the other tunnel teens? The tunnel teens.

These tunnels go far and wide around the mall. I'm trying to go deep, but it's not. It's okay. You can just use your normal voice, buddy. I'm intimidated by all this fire and that big hat. And you're dressed like a priest. Okay, fine. So if you are looking for the tunnel teens, the teens, you shall find. Um, what kind of, what do you want to know? Like kind of who's around?

Well, who has the most immediate access or who can walk amongst the adults the best or the most unseen or somebody who's associated with the vineyard? Anybody who has any ties with. No one in these tunnels is associated with the vineyard. Those are the movers and shakers of the mall. The tunnels are a world unto their own. But if you are looking for folks who might be able to move about unseen. The. Help me out here. Yeah. Um, the hoodies, the hoodies.

Are these like a new group that we don't know of? I think we're introducing a group of perhaps, um. Ninjas? Stealthy. Yeah. Like. Stealthy like. Like teens that like. Stealthy teens. I like the hoodies is cute. The hoodies is pretty cute. Like can we think of like a theme? Shadow. The shadow group. Wait. Who are you guys? I was just going to say like the cloaked ones. Yeah. Cloaked ones. Shadow cloaks. The shadow cloaks. And they're like fantasy LARPers. Yeah. That's pretty fun. Yeah. Uh.

The shadow cloaks are the ones that you seek. They move about the mall with utmost stealth and are friends of the study group. And then we hear a bunch of clanging in one of the vents. And a kid falls out of a tube. Does he land like a superhero? With a sword? Yeah. He does have a sword. Yes. He lands. He lands kind of in a pile, but his sword is sticking out to the side. There's like, like dice go everywhere when he hits the ground. He might die. Did someone call for Rathgar the night blade?

Holy shit. And he spends like 30 seconds trying to sheathe his sword in his side. Rathgar. Yes, it is I, Rathgar, leader of the night cloaks. Shadow. What are we? Shadow cloaks. Are you new to the group? I am not new. I am its, I am its foremost warrior and blade. Cool. Cool. Cool. What? So what, what needs you from the shadow cloaks? We need your prowess, which is legendary among the tunnel teens. Hmm. Surely you've heard of us. The cool truth kids. I, I have.

Have you heard of our plate shadow base? What? Sorry. What's it now? Rathgar. The night blade. Hey. Hey, blade of nights. Have you heard our. Sorry. What? What? What? What did I say before? You said plight. Okay. No, this is good. This is good. Rathgar. Have you heard our plate? We need a blade in the night, a night in the day, uh, and a day to illuminate the night that is cast by the duplicity of Tina Durger in the wine moms. Oh yes. I know this threat well.

And he sits in a chair and he is by a table with a burning candle and he kicks his boot up on one table and puts a long pipe in his mouth. So his face is hidden. He's like, I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to go to bed. And, uh, bubbles start coming out of the end of the pipe.

And Fenton is so stoked that he got that whole thing out in one go that he grabs a bottle off the ground. He smashes it against the wall. He's just so amped. I did it. That was great, Fenton. Thank you. Very potent sense there at the end. Oh, I just realized what the shadow cloaks are. They're not all the same. They're a fantasy adventuring party. Oh, yeah. So this is like the ranger. This is like their leader, the Aragorn of the group.

Someone's like an elf and they've got like, you know, the quiet footsteps. Yeah. Yes. The cleric and the barbarian kid. Yeah. They're a LARP group. They're like a D&D party. There's like a Council of Elrond scene that's coming up where they give us. Most of them are cardboard cutouts. Okay. I love it. I love it. So, uh, what do you require from Rathgar the Nightblade of this plight of Tina Durger? I don't know. I guess we just need information.

We need somebody to be able to move in the shadows without being seen. Doth, we need safe passage through the night and tunnels. I know the shadows well. They are my allies and my friends and also my step siblings. And I can give you safe passage. But what is in it for mine adventuring compatriots in the shadow cloaks? Do not work for, say, five gold pieces a day. Purse. Chingle. Oh, the coin purse that you stole from Maurice. We only have two coins, dude. Shh. I'll jingle it a lot.

But if they're actual gold coins. You know when you put like a big piece of money in a tip jar and you throw it down really hard to make it sound like more? That's what I'm doing. But do you think they're going to beat us up if there's only two coins and not five? Look at these guys. This guy's a blade of night. He's a shadow cloak. He's black. He's a shadow cloak. He's playing. Look at his shoes. Bubble, bubble, bubble. Bubbles would come out of his pipe.

And he holds up his hand with the fingerless gloves to get you to throw the bag of coins. Fink. Flink. And he opens it up and he pours the two coins into his hand, but sees that they're actual gold coins from like the outside world. He thought there was five Starbucks in there. He was so psyched. Five Starbucks? What do we call them? Mall bucks? Mall stars? Oh my God. Spear bucks. Spear bucks. Five Starbucks gift cards. There's two bucks on each of those. There's five Americanos in this bag.

Get a frap on us, boys. Mmm. I see that your coins will spend well in the food court. I will eat many pizza pies with this fresh coinage. I regret this. And he slips it into his pouch next to the chain that connects his wallet to his jeans. Does his wallet go zip because of the Velcro? He's got to zip up the book. Oh yeah. You can see it says rancid on the outside of it.

He stands up very suddenly and he pulls his sword out and he puts the point on the ground and kneels down and dips his head and goes, you have my blade, sire. And you have the blades of all shadow cloaks. We will come to your aid when required. Thank you so much. I give him some weapons, candy weapons. Oh. Whoa, cool. You give him a weapon. So what do you give him? I'm going to give him, ooh, some Lights Out Licorice for the shadow. Oh yeah.

Hey, this will extend your shadows beyond your normal reach. Cast shadows and move within them. And it's sweet and delicious too. It is food? Don't eat it. Okay. This is called Lights Out Licorice. And anybody that comes in contact with this, comes in contact with their mouths will be lights out, create a shadow in their mind. Ah, foul sorceries, but sorceries that I shall bend to my use and the use of my comrades. Mm-hmm. Very well. You kids are warriors, I can tell, of great caliber.

Aye, we are very strong and brave. Forsooth, I also have a gift for you, my friend. Shadow Snout. What's his name? Rathgar the Nightblade. Rathgar. I also have a gift for you, Rathgar. Aye. And then I give him a grappling hook. Whoa. Holy shit! Oh my god, is this real? Yeah, man, I found it. That's so fucking sick. I found it and I tried to use it and I fell two stories. You what? Oh my god.

I do not have the upper body strength to use this, noble knight, but clearly I can see from the progression of your teen stache that you do. Oh yeah, he's got a ratty little teenage mustache. Yeah. Oh my god, Valindra Starvale is gonna fucking flip out when she sees this. That's great. I gotta write down these names so I don't forget all of them. So cool. Okay, I guess we're all giving gifts now. She says it loud. Yeah, he turns to clover.

I beseech you, the Nightblade Rathgar, to accept this gift bestowed upon me, or bestowed from me. Please taketh this card, which will show thy future. I push towards him one of my, what are they called? Tarot cards? Tarot cards, and it is the knight. Ooh. He picks it up and it gleams in his eyes. Let his sword guide you through the darkness. I thank you for this boon. I thank you for this boon, fair lady.

And he touches it to his forehead and he does that thing where he like puts a fist on his chest in like an old Roman style salute. And he goes, and now I must away. And he jumps up and grabs onto the tube and goes like Come on, kill it! Fuck it! That was a date. And he gets up into the pipe and his sword hilt gets caught on the edge of the pipe and he's trying to fall out a little bit. And then boom boom, clang clang clang, and he's gone. Honestly, Ajak, I'm not gonna lie.

Honestly, Ajak, I forward like 20 years, he might be like one of the greatest warriors in the land. Yeah, he's starting early. If he's taking it this seriously now. Yeah. Um, so I'm also here still, Father Arthur. Um, cardinal of the study group. But I assume you don't need anything from me anymore now that I have made this meeting happen. Appreciate you. Hey, what's this button do? Do you have kids? Do you need to get away from them sometimes?

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And remember, you should really consider managing your stress, unless you… Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah, you guys took so much stress last time. I'm so stressed at how much stress I have. Franklin uses… I'm gonna use my… Just to finish me off. Yeah. Just to finish me off once and for all. You gonna finish yourself off, buddy? I was gonna finish off right here. Now that the night blade is gone. So what does this look like? Yeah, I have an interpretive dance for Arthur.

It's like the story of the dark church. So it's like… Why does Franklin know a dance about the dark church? Because he heard a song. Oh, I see. Yeah, same sort of style. Yeah. And he's come up with a whole really bad teen drama. Yeah. Like adult drama written by a teen, all told in dance. It's terrible. No, but like, yes, probably. Yeah.

But also like you're in this dark library and there are like candles casting shadows on the walls and it becomes this very creatively enriching experience for Franklin. I do like that. And Arthur's like crying a little bit. Just like, amazing. Amazing. Thank you. Can I workshop this with you some more? Oh, absolutely. Anytime. Wonderful. I'm gonna go get some coffee. Absolutely. Anytime. Wonderful audience. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah. And it is extremely satisfying.

So you relieve sick stress. Holy shit. And you spent a lot of time and money on preparing this. Yeah. Yeah. He wasn't my first focus group. Yeah. As he was doing it, more and more of the study group was showing up and like sitting down and watching and we were like running back and getting popcorn and stuff for people. Yeah. This was all… You made it seem really impromptu, but you've been planning this for sure. I was pouring out kombucha for everyone. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah.

There's a few songs that were like very well written. Yeah. Like surprisingly so. Cause you had to hire people to do it. Yeah. You got like outside songwriters. What's the, what's the total like narrative called? Hmm. This teen drama about this ancient church. Well, I'm trying a few names. So, uh, the dark pew. Ooh, cool name. Yeah. Um, okay. That one's doing like a ooh meter. Yeah. This is actually happening. Yeah. After the show. I got a couple of names. The dark pew. Ooh.

It's not too like stinky sounding or like gross. There's no, uh. It sounds like the whole church is black. It's black and you're sitting in a dark, dark pew. Dark pew. Dark pew. Dark pew. Dark pew. Um, uh, um, over dark. Okay. Mm. Sh, shadow, shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow.

Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow. Shadow.

Undercover of darkness Yeah totally Or like through the The chocolate factory Chocolate factory yeah To get some toilet paper Yeah It is wild down here Greg's chair Wipes his butt for him Which is pretty sick But like He won't let us do it anymore Okay You said I needed more fiber In my diet If I wanted to do it And I refuse I will not be eating more fiber So Clover and Fenton You have two downtime activities Yeah I want to clear some stress First How am I going to get to the food That helps calm me down Well can you do have a way Of talking to him Yeah I mean Janice could always smuggle you Corn dogs Yeah we have the cans Like phone Like phone cans Uh huh Hey hi How are you doing Oh you know I'm okay I'm just like Having an existential crisis And we like really failed On our last mission And I'm just feeling Really insecure about it Hey hey Sweetheart It's okay You know you can't always You can't always win Every single time And uh You're doing your best Oh wait you guys are talking Through a phone Yeah we're talking through The can phone That's the cutest thing Wait did he send the The corn dogs down a pipe or something Yeah the corn dogs are shooting Out of a tube I think I know you can't be seen With me right now But it's just for your safety I understand And you know what I wouldn't want you up here anyway Security Oh they're everywhere They're probably not going to be there Patrols have increased Five fold Are you looking out For the sugar shack for us I'm doing my best I've sent some of the boys down here To take a look And they're staking it out Pretty hard security So it's best that you don't go back Do you need any more corn dogs Is that enough That's enough Okay Thank you I love you I love you too Oh my darling I will see you again soon I'll see you soon My heart burns for you My Mine eyes Wish to be Lost Looking upon Be Clover Could you get off the can please Okay I'm sorry Sorry Greg I need to make a call Sorry Okay bye Bye Seamus Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee His old dialogue You cut to the Seamus side of the conversation And he's standing with a bunch of hot meat boys around him And they all look so uncomfortable That they observe to that side of the conversation They're all standing around the pay can In their hideout They're like Oh my god They're lined up behind him They're trying to use the can There's an unofficial network of can phones That are strung throughout the mall This is a more recent development It's put together by a guy named Nortel Yeah Nortel And Rick's Ropes has actually been getting into string Oh yeah Rick's apprentice Nortel Started stringing these cans together Yeah Yeah He's kind of gone off on his own I know Which was a real shame for Rick He's not happy about it He could have gotten into Nortel's network on the ground floor And he did not Yeah It's a big net of string That is like Yeah depending on how the strings are taught Yeah You can talk to anybody all across the mall It's crazy Yeah Okay so Clover clears three stress And then uh Downtime I mean I could talk to Borbo about the bicep thing About trying to seduce his way into a vineyard meeting Maybe we could send him in as like a strippagram Or like maybe somebody's birthday coming up That could be the gather information As you figure out if any of them have a birthday coming up Or like some kind of like a birthday thing I would give it a give or give I would give it give or give I would give it give or give I would give give or give I would give give or give I would give give or give I would give give or give information to get Borbo to infiltrate a meeting to find information.

Oh yeah, totally. That could be the whole activity is getting Borbo to go get you info on something that you want to do. Yeah, because I'm like sitting there eating my corn dogs and I'm looking over at Borbo and he's helping Greg fix like one of his pieces of equipment and he's got like the screwdriver in his hand and I'm like you know, he looks so unassuming like a Jander. Janders can, they can move freely everywhere. Hey Borbo? Yeah. Would you would you want to do something for us?

Oh yeah, no problem. What do you need? And he puts down the screwdriver and walks over. Hey guys, what do you think? We sent Borbo in to one of the wine moms meetings. He goes to their house pretends to be like a Jander or something or a handyman. Oh yeah, moms love handymans I think. Yep. They always act so weird around them. My mom was really into one of our handymans if I remember correctly. She would like, I think she was intentionally breaking stuff to get him to come over. Weird.

Been there. Yeah. And then she would just disappear for like 40 minutes. That's so long. Borbo, have you ever like, do you know of stuff like that? Is that true? Uh. Like that moms like that sort of thing? You kids are pretty young so I'll keep it vague. Yeah, my friend was a pizza delivery guy for a while and he said it got wild. So is it like they just really love stuff getting fixed? Yeah. Yeah. They love to have their stuff fixed. Okay. Huh. I've fixed stuff for a couple moms here and there.

No, you're not. You're pretty good for fixing stuff. I am alright at it. Sure. Okay, so while you go in and pretend to fix stuff. Pretend, yeah. Yeah, can you like listen in on what they're talking about and then come back and tell us after? I absolutely can. Do you? Okay, so. I have a couple wardrobe suggestions. Uh-huh. Franklin just reaches up and pulls the sleeves off of his janitor shirt and then says here. Okay, thank you. Okay. It's like coveralls. Yeah, totally. But with no sleeve.

Okay, so it's a jumpsuit but with the sleeves ripped off. It's Clover's old janitor jumpsuit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It fits him way better. There's still like duct tape marks on it when she had to cinch it up for herself. Yeah, because she like re-tailored it so many times. It's actually short shorts and sleeveless. Yeah. Perfect. So, yeah, this is a couple days later. Um, Borbo comes back. He's wearing his sleeveless and legless janitor's outfit. He's whistling a lot. His hair's all fucked up.

He looks kind of sweaty. Hey, what's up, kids? What took you so long? What do you mean? Why are you so sweaty? No, that was like. Why are your pants so weird? I don't know if I took a long. Why do you smell like Dracar Noir? Look. Did you fix anything? Oh, I did. Why are your teeth purple? What do you mean? Did you have some candy? Yeah. Yeah, I had some candy. Do you have anything to eat? Are you hungry? Did I have anything to eat? No, I didn't. That's so funny. Nothing's funny.

Where'd you get that bruise on your neck? Uh, oh, this one? Oh, my God. Did you get in a fight? Yeah, I got into a fight and someone with a really tiny fist punched me in the neck 14 to 15 times. Was it a hobgoblin? Oh, no. Was it a knobgoblin? Oh, this is small. You know what? Was it an elf? You know what? None of this is important. We can go over this later. I have another question. Okay. Did you steal anything? Some hearts. Anyways. Be serious, Borbo. Okay, all right.

No, I didn't steal anything, but I did steal a handful of shrimp out of the shrimp cocktail on my way out. Oh. But I also stole some info. They're getting ready to go into the chocolate factory. Oh, no. And get that dark chocolate. And I think four days from now, they're launching an expedition full on. They've hired some sort of explorer, some sort of adventurer to go in. What? And, um, if you kids want to undercut them on this, it's now or never. How would we do that? Go in before them. Hmm.

That's the only way I could think of. Or maybe, like, try and convince this chocolate dude to, like, not do it. What's his name? Um, oh, God, I forgot it. It was, like, Switch Quick Swift. Swift. Swift? Yeah. That's pretty cool. That's a cool name. First name, last name? Swift was all I got. So they hired this guy, Swift, to go into the chocolate factory, and he's going in, sorry, when? Four days from now. Four days from now to get the dark chocolate. Yeah.

Did you get any information on who they're selling it to? Uh, like, at auction, I think. Like, oh, shit. Who's that? No, no, no. Auction is, like, when they put, like, stuff in a room, and then you can try and, like, compete other people for how much you'll pay for it. Oh, like a fight? Yeah, it's kind of like a fight, but with money. Yeah, it's like a rich person money fight. Okay, I see. And she's thinking, like, they throw their money around? Like, who ever throws the most and hardest?

Like, dodgeball with money? Yeah. So, here's what I'm thinking. First, you can sway their adventurer away from stealing the chocolate. You could steal the chocolate first. You could fuck up the auction so they are unable to sell the chocolate, or instead of trying to steal the chocolate before them, go in at the same time and ruin their expedition. Because if they have an expert who's good at finding chocolate, we don't know where it is.

Maybe we get him to find it and then wreck it away from him. Don't we know where it is? I thought we knew where the dark chocolate was. Yeah, it's, like, always flowing, isn't it? No, it's, the dark chocolate is, like, solid. It's, like, a solidified piece, and you know that it's in the chocolate factory. So, it's kind of like a cave, like, this chunk of huge dark chocolate. Yeah, exactly. You're going into, like, mine chocolate out of an old, old part of the factory.

Or that's what you would be doing. Okay. So, do you have those plans to have us going into the chocolate factory? Well, yeah, two of them do. And then, the one where we ruin the action, we don't have to go into the chocolate factory. Yeah. But what if we find Swift first? And then that one, yeah, we don't have to go into the chocolate factory. So, maybe that's plan A, is find Swift, try and convince him not to do this, or try and trick him into doing something else. Like, getting it for us.

Yeah. Tell him that we're the good guys. If he's doing it for just whoever the good guys are, he'd probably do it for us. He might be doing it for money, though. Then we'd be fucked. Then we can go in and try and steal it first, or sabotage the expedition somehow. Yeah, we tie him up, and then throw him in a closet and lock it, and then we go get the chocolate. Yeah, totally. Make him tell us where it is. Yeah. And how to get there. Mm-hmm.

And then if that doesn't work, and he does get the chocolate, then we fuck up the auction. Oh, I guess you could also steal the chocolate away from them after they find it, too. That's true. Okay, there's so many chances. Yeah. Got a lot of opportunities. Alright, but step one is to go to Swift. Swift. Okay. That sounds like a plan. Do you know where he is? Is he in town? He's in the mall. He's staying at a hotel. He's staying at the Spearmint B&B just outside the mall. Wait, outside the mall?

Yeah. Oh my God. There's wolves out there. Yeah, you just leave. It's wet out there, though. There's weather. Don't they do their laundry inside the mall? Maybe there's a way of sneaking into the motel through the laundry system. Yeah. I have seen the towels. You don't have to sneak into the motel. It's publicly accessible. You just have to go outside. Have you kids ever been outside? Long ago. Okay. So… The last time I was outside was when my mom brought me to the mall. Same. Okay. Alright.

Okay. And Rat Rat walks up with his little glasses and his notebook and he puts his hands up in front of the door and goes… Which is not a good idea. He's pointing at the notebook that just has drawings of you three with sad faces and tears coming out of your eyes. Do not talk about them being outside of the mall. They live in a fog where they think they've been here forever. You're about to undo all of the work that I've done over the last three days. This is the house of cards. Uh, so, okay.

So I just want to make sure your plan now is to sneak into the motel and talk to Swift. Get to know Swift. Uh-huh. But never be outside somehow. Do they have a restaurant there? What if we get somebody, what if somebody Uber Eats and we go into there with their food? We could pretend Seamus and the Hot Meat Boys, they could do a delivery. And we could go be in the delivery. Right, they could put us in a box so we don't ever have to be outside or apart from each other.

Technically, that's not outside. If we're still in a box, we're in a house. It's like a house. It's like a house but it's smaller and more contained. Wolves will not look in a box. Yeah, wolves are afraid of boxes. So is the weather. We might be agoraphobic. Borbo's just like wide-eyed like, oh boy. Borbo, are you afraid of outside? No. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty scary out there but it's fine. You're safe if you're in a box, I guess. Like, would you deliver us?

Yeah, yeah, I can deliver you. Oh, okay. Okay, Borbo, we need you to put us in a box that wolves and rain can't get inside of. Okay. And also, so, okay. I can find a box that will fit the three of you and I can take it to the Spearmint B&B. Sweet. Thank you. We need you to bring us back, too. Otherwise, we're stuck there forever. Kids, I'll take care of it, okay? Just relax. You're the best. The fetching is starting. His tears are welling in his eyes and he's like, you don't understand.

I cannot go outside and I cannot be outside. I need you to guarantee me that I will not be outside. I promise that you will not be outside. Because outside means I'm alone forever. Okay, all right. Okay. I'll find a box for all three of you and you will not be outside. Okay. Thank you. Okay. So this is the plan. Get out. Fenton knows he's gonna cry, so he demands that Borbo leaves. Amazing. Okay, so that was one of Clover's downtime activities.

The camera shifts to an outside shot of this room and Borbo runs out and then you hear wailing. Okay. Fenton has two downtime activities left. So Fenton is pretty shook by the failure that they just encountered. And he's been like talking to himself in a mirror. Going, this is because you're too stupid to read numbers, Fenton. If you were good at reading and not lying, you would have known how to read the sheet with all those numbers on it. And you could have figured stuff out faster.

And then they would have never figured out that the Cool Treat kids were there. And then we would be back in our sugar shack. This is all because you hate numbers. Jesus Christ. So he goes to the mirror. And he's like, I'm going to the food court. And he goes to the arcade that the Hubberstone twins are in. And he's like, Hubberstone twins! What? I need you guys to make me smart. Okay. So what do you want from these kids?

I need them because Fenton is like, he's always actively rejected like, the, I guess like his dad's shit. Which is like, his dad tried to teach him to be like a little merchant. And make him like good at like numbers and stuff. Mm. But he's like, he hates his dad. So he's given himself number dyslexia basically. Right. He's made himself forget numbers. And also kind of how to read. Uh huh. And he's like, I knew it once. One time I knew how to read. And I don't anymore.

I need you to make me smart. And ultimately what I'm trying to do mechanically is complete the project clock. Because I have two pieces. And it's what is the food court doing? And we have the, the ledger. Right. Okay. That's cool. So you want them to like show you what the ledger is about? No. I need you to make me smart. Teach me to read and do math. Oh, montage. Math montage. Yeah. Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum. Mr. Sandman. Stupid kid. Pretty woman. Why are you so dumb?

And I'm using both of my downtime activities for this. Because I have two clock pieces. And I'm not curing any of my stress. Great. It's more important for Fenton to make this happen than it is for him to like be not traumatized. I think he's maybe traumatizing himself a little bit with this. Yeah, I would say so. Okay. So montage of the Humberstone twins. And then Fenton grabs one of their wrists and he goes, wait, before you start your montage.

You can't stop someone just before they're about to begin a montage. Do you know how much this hurts? He gives you blue. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons. Blue balloons.

Blue balloons. Blue balloons. And overcharge them for scarecrows. And he tried to get me to be like him, but I didn't want to be like him. And I was like him for a little while, but then I decided not to be when I was at the mall. So I forgot.

I made myself forget all the things that he taught me, all of the things about math and business and words and reading and letters and the way to hold a book and the way to hold a pen and also what kind of pockets to put money in and what kind of pockets you put fancy scarves in and which kind of pockets you put monogrammed handkerchiefs in. I forgot all of that, and I became what I am now, which is the greatest criminal in the food court. And he pulls out a sword. Whoa!

He pulls the cane sword out of the sheath, and he goes, but no longer will I be this. I will return to what I was before so I can solve this mystery. And then he pulls out the ledger sheet, and then he smashes the sword on the ground, which it was. It was already smashed earlier. Yeah. But he super glued it together, so it was really easy to smash this time. Oh. Okay. There's also a lot of weird stuff about my mom that I am actively not remembering right now. Thank you.

Back to the montage, I guess. Are you safe to montage now? Yes. Let us begin. Star wipe. The montage begins. They're pointing at a tree, a chalkboard that has a bunch of different numbers and different equations and stuff on it with an equal sign, and Fenton comes up and writes down a number, and they wipe it off. Because no. Yeah, the camera shifts, and it shows what he wrote down, and it was a drawing of a little cat. Aw. That's not numbers, you idiot. Cats are not numbers. Lesson number one.

And then they're showing him a page in a book, and they're like, words, these are words. You read them with your eyes, and then he looks confused, and then he tears a page out and starts chewing it, and he's like, is this how you get words into your body? And they look at each other, and they shake their heads. They look up at the clock, and the clock advances like three times. And as that happens, I will advance this project clock once. Beautiful.

He's there, and they're like, uh, choose one of these, uh, dishes, food laid out. And he's like all excited, and he runs up, and he grabs the one, and they're like, no. Which one does he grab? There's a spaghetti, and there's a fried chicken one, and then there's a shitty food one. So then he gets the spaghetti one first, and they say no, and then fried chicken, and he says no, and he's like, okay, I'll get the shitty food one, and they go, no.

And then they go over, and you see them yelling in the corner, and then one of the other kids from the mall comes out and goes, and gets their food, and then brings it over to them. He's teaching them about serving, too, to remember about being super rich, I guess. Oh. Yeah, and he, but he keeps trying to pay this kid a reasonable amount of money. Oh, no, he knows. No, and they're slapping money out of his hand. Every time he tries to tip, they're like, are you out of your mind?

Okay, so, uh, the clock has advanced more. The Humberstone twins are laying kind of like crumpled up against the wall, so tired, chalk on every board. There's so much going on, and then Fenton, Fenton gets up, and he's looking at the board, and he grabs the chalk. He'd been cleaning, so he's in a little janitor outfit. Now he's wearing Borbos with the arms torn off. Because he's so small, it fits perfectly. He's got his little, like, mop bucket. The lesson's long over. Oh, they're asleep?

They're asleep. They're just so tired, these Humberstone twins, and then he looks at the board, and it says, one plus one equals. And Fenton grabs the chalk, and he shakily writes down a two. And it's because the camera shifts, and he's put on a pair of glasses. And that was why he was functionally illiterate this whole time. Yeah. It's because he just needed glasses. Oh. Oh. Oh, they're numbers. And the Humberstone twins wake up, and they see this happening.

And they go, hey, and Fenton runs away down the hall. And they look at the board, and they go, wow. He got it. Amazing. And I run down the hall, and as I'm running, all of the memories of, like, business and attire. They're floating outside of your head like a beautiful mind. And they're coming, yeah, and it's like, and there's finances, and then… Finances. Just the word finances. Exactly. The word finances floats by. The words really good grades floats by, too.

And he's, like, undergoing a transformation, and then he walks back, into, like, the classroom that the Humberstone twins are in. And he's like, most of these are fake numbers. And he holds up the sheet of the ledger. Sorry, did you have more to say? No, that's it. Just, like, most of this document is falsified. It's really obvious. Mmm. We're back in the tunnels. Maybe it's code for something. Maybe it is code for something. Good point.

So I did fill out the whole project, which is, what is the food court doing? Okay. Yep. So I'm just gonna say it in plain language instead of trying to describe it through this, uh, ledger. Yeah. But you do realize this is a code. This ledger is coded. Oh. Now that you're looking at this ledger, you realize Maurice is not an accountant. He is, um… A cryptographer? Basically. He's… Cool. He's responsible for being the go-between between Tina, and her contact in the food court. Holy shit.

So this is, like, their way of encoding what their plan is. Like, this is their way of communicating. The ledger gets handed off between two, like, cryptographers, basically, between the two of them. Wow. So sneaky. So sick. That's really cool. That's cool. So what, in general, is the food court trying to do? The broad answer and the boring answer is keep everything exactly the same. Uh, they want the mall to continue operating the way it's operating. They want to continue making money.

They want to stay in control. So what they're doing, and this is high-level stuff, like, the… The Cooltree kids are looking at this and going, like, well, we can't do fucking shit about any of this stuff. Mm-hmm. They're currently using their funds and their influence and their muscle to influence the local mayoral elections. Whoa. In Highspear. Because they have a candidate they think they can convince to give the… To the mall extraterritoriality. So the mall governs itself. Wow.

That's so funny to me. Where it's like, we're like, Fenton was probably just like, I solved everything. They're rigging a mayoral election. So, like, two years of fighting for them. So that is what's happening. Yeah. There's a mayoral election coming up soonish, like, within the next year, and the food court wants to install a mayoral election that will give the mall extra territoriality so they fully govern themselves. Wow. But one of the members of the food court does not want to do that.

And that member of the food court is Orange Julius. He wants out. He wants to sell the mall. Oh. Oh, shit. He's working with Tina to get all of these, like, real estate contracts because he wants to just take out the food court, sell, and, at least according to their ledger, split the money with Tina. Oh! Oh, shit! Oh. Yeah. Wow. Sick! And so you realize that whatever deal Tina is working on with Julius is one of probably dozens of zoning and real estate plans that are going on right now.

But it is the only one that directly right now affects the Cool Treat Kids. Holy shit. Wow. So it's like treason that she's committing against the food court. Exactly. At the highest level, she's gonna try and sell off the fucking mall. It won't be the mall anymore. And we'll have to live outside. Yeah, because they're gonna turn into corporate bullshit. They're not gonna fucking tolerate… Kids in the vents. Yeah, no! That's the opposite of corporate.

Kids in the vents is the opposite of capitalism. I know this now because I'm a genius again. Kids in the vents is like the ad busters of capitalism. And Borbo is listening to you explain all this. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

If this ledger is as far as we know the only hard evidence that a member of the food court is attempting to sell off the entire mall we should get rid of this asap why because this is the like kids I know that you're like tweens and shit this is the kind of information that people kill for but what if can we use it to get tina in trouble I mean yeah theoretically you could hand it off to the the food court with like uh the cipher and that would really really fuck her up god clover's got such an evil look on her face tina really messed me up she did she gave you drama she did I'm an emo now your hair is black because of her it is it's definitely not because I dyed it yeah you're so drama that your hair naturally turned black is what you told us that's what we did she'll never be the same I'll never be the same so so is this ledger maybe why tina hired that guy to track you down I think so wait she must know how important it is oh fuck she figured out that we took it I mean she must have fucking fuck so what are you gonna do it's too big a bargaining chip for us to let go of yeah yeah we can't just give it away or or burn it we gotta put it in the bag and we're gonna put it in the bag and we're gonna put it in the bag and we're gonna put it in our most secret space doris yeah that that's the only thing that makes sense I think yeah what were you gonna say no I hadn't figured out what the end of that was in all honesty I just said I just want to draw from different things and see if they happen to work I'm a blue sky kind of guy okay but do you think doris is a good idea for this do we put her at risk if we give her that's the thing she's like our grandma but she's the most involved she'll know what to do with her she's like our grandma but she's the most involved she'll know what to do with her the court I know but if we give her this and then she she gets killed do we no I can't risk it yeah I don't think we can do that well who else do you know or where else do you know that would be a good hiding place what's up do we know anywhere that is a great hiding place somewhere that we've been before that is super secret or that everybody hates the rats the rat man no for real yeah the rat man honestly guys listen to me I know no for real guys I hate the rats I know but here listen to me what if we don't put it in one place but what if we give it to the rat man to give to the rats so it's always moving so no one can ever track it down that's a pretty good idea but what if we need to find it again the rat man can call back the rats do we trust the rat man I trust him with my life oh my god and he slams a butter knife onto the floor and it kind of like it slips and then he jams his thumb into the ground he's like I still trust him though what do you think franklin do we trust the rat man I mean the plan is kind of to not trust anyone with this information I think that makes sense and also what I will say is the rat man has as much of a stake in keeping them all the way around the court so I'm going to trust the rat man and I'm going to trust the way it is as we do because as much as there is no place in capitalism for kids and vans there's definitely no place in capitalism for the rat man he's basically the opposite of capitalism he also sells tickets to shows doesn't he so there's that side of him okay well I trust you smash cut to a dusty vent silent moats floating and then skitter skitter as a swarm of rats and then we're going to trust the rat man and we're going to trust the rat man come torrenting down a vent into into a big opening in some sort of disused air duct or air conditioner and then as they dissipate sitting in this lonely dusty corner of the mall is a ledger oh sweet and that's where we're going to end it for this week nice I'm your game master Sean O'Hara thank you for joining us for Mall Brats joining me as always playing fenton beasley the slide abdulaziz so long everybody playing franklin stein the cutter Paul Oppers bye-bye and playing clover ivy fern the whisper jessica tie bye everyone thank you to quinn for our intro and outro music a beautiful gift that we adore we have been playing world of blades by duan figueroa based on Blades in the Dark by John Harper all of those games are available out in the world the easiest way to find world of blades is to search world of blades on google and you can find Blades in the Dark goddamn near anywhere thank you to all of our supporters around the world without whom this show would not happen we'll see you next week bye you next time folks bye-bye and so ends the tale of the cool treat kids always up to no good so tiny and greedy and angsty they be as they navigate crime and puberty and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to the chocolate store as the cool treat kids will be back next week and I believe I'll give you the reward I believe I'll give you the reward I believe I'll give you the reward I believe I'll give you the reward Spout now