Episode 3 – Many Blades Make Dark Work

Pickaxe You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound Their wares are famously tasty So here I sing, singing to you Of crimes involving chemistry Clover's the whisperer, she makes all the sweets She has a corndog addiction Lenten's the sly, she sleeps in a safe And writes vampire fanfiction Franklin's the cutter, his fighters strength Despite his dance, his heart Best and brightest, they may not be But that's my favorite part So gather round, friends Endless in clothe For the tale's about to start Welcome everybody to Spout More Mall Brats I'm your game master Sean O'Hara As we continue our game of Blades in the Dark By Jon And with me, as always Playing Fenton Beasley, the slide Abdulaziz Playing Clover, Ivy, Fern, the leech Jessica Tai And playing Franklin Stein, the cutter Paul Oppers Okay, so we're gonna pull another score I think that's the plan So as hawkers, you traditionally hawk your wares So maybe this one is more about selling Is about stealing Yeah Okay So I think what happens this time Is you're all hanging about in your lair You know, doing the things that you do during the day Tinkering away at different kinds of delicious candies Packing things up Being like, where are we gonna sell these things?

What are we gonna do today?

I've started one of those crime boards Where I've got like The Burger King and the Orange Julius And then like a question mark And then like a question mark And then like a face thing Where it's like our patron And then I've got I've hung a bunch of like little moths too Like little paper mache moths on there too Because I think it's pretty Yeah So you are all hanging around in the lair Fenton is looking at his Is looking at his crime board Clover is in her workshop Mixing up a new batch of some weird candy And Franklin's just doing push-ups So you're all hanging out And you hear Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang Muffled voice Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang Bang, bang, bang Muffled voice Do we have like a spy hole or something we can do?

Oh yeah, that would make sense Yeah, like We don't want to expose ourselves It's like a big sort of like Dr.

Seuss Eye spy hole And then also we have like a little speaker That's the same Oh yeah And also the main door of the chocolate shop Is like crazy booby trap Yeah Oh yeah Yeah Where it's like anyone that actually tries to break in Through like Feathers in their face Yeah, and a fucking crossbow bolt through their eye And then a hot iron in the middle of their face Wow Kevin McAllister style And then you step on a bunch of Christmas ornaments Cut your feet up I like that When we set up the booby traps It was like feathers, hot iron, Christmas ornaments, crossbow Yeah It's like one of those invalidates All the other ones Annoying, annoying, annoying murder I like the thought of it being like We set it up so well And that we Like we'd originally intended to use the front But we fucked it up so much That we actually had to use the back We can't get in I don't know how to turn it off It's like, you know, like Those people who are like painting a roof And they paint themselves into a corner And they're like Oh no I'd die on a roof Well, our door's booby trapped?

To hell We did it, guys Now how do we get in? Oh boy That's so funny Booby trap door We booby trapped our They can't turn off Out of our lair That's so fucking funny I love that Oh yeah, the vending machine Is in front of the chocolate factory And we have to crawl through the Like The flap?

The flap to get in So there's like a sliding thing Or like a thing that pulls out And you just crawl through that Yeah, there's like a secondary door Or I guess that's the private door It's the only door in a vending machine Yeah, there's only one door in a vending machine And then beyond that is another door Yeah Great That takes us into the chocolate shop Yeah Cool Yeah, perfect And you hear Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang Bang, bang, bang I run down and open the door Yeah, you go through the chocolate shop And they're banging on your like Booby trap door Yeah And you look through your little spy hole And you see Spy snake You see in She's wearing a very fancy dress Her hair is done up in a very nice way She's wearing Fancy jewelry Everything about her is fancy And it's Franklin's on again, off again crush Anya Short And she's like Franklin Franklin, please come outside Holy shit He starts doing push-ups faster So he gets that real jacked look He gets pumped Jacked look Franklin And I like I'm looking through the door I'm like, Franklin It's that crazy girl that hangs out here sometimes Oh my god, Fenton Move out of the way Let me look Yeah And you see her She pushes my face into the ground Clover, what you notice is that she looks rich Wow She is so done up Do you have a date?

No, not that I know of Okay But she Shit Guys And he's running around looking for something Shit Oh my god Do we have any clean coveralls?

Oh my god No, you only have that All the dirty ones Yeah They all look the same Dirty, dirty, dirty holes Hold on I grab like a bunch of like my mists And I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I use as Air fresheners Uh-huh And I I spray them around your hair And I put like a nice kerchief on From my collection And Franklin grabs one of Fenton's moths And ties it around his neck like a bow tie He's adjusting it And slicking his eyebrows down Yeah, roll a d6 real quick This is a fortune roll Five You look good God It worked I feel good That's the problem You look good You smell good And you go outside And you go outside And you go outside Hey, baby, what's up?

So do you go You do this And you You're just saying this over and over All through the hole Yeah Maybe Crawling through Hey, baby, what's up? Hey, baby Hey, baby, what's up? Hey, baby, what's up? And then you tumble out the other side Anya Hey What brings you around here?

Franklin You look so debonair The fuck You look so debonair Does that mean You know, you have You have the same air as Devin My fancy older cousin And you notice just behind her There are three other fancy looking girls Like tittering And like talking Like, oh, is that Are these the Coltrane kids? Are they cool? Oh, they're very cool They're with me And they're like, Anya Ask, ask, Anya, please ask She's like, I will, I will, I will We were, um We were hoping Is this business related?

Should we go inside? Can we? Oh, it's secret, though Clover yells that through the door Yeah Oh, what? Who's this? Franklin, is this that That awful Clover girl that you hang out with? Whoa, whoa, whoa She's so rude Rude?

Not rude I just This is This is Coltrane kids only Fair If we're talking business I want to talk with my crew I mean, we were just We were just hoping to get some candy If that's If that's possible Oh Then we shuffle through the vending machine, too Yeah And we flop out Well, Venn flops out Does Clover flop out as well?

I also flop out But I like shake my hair back To like Be like, whatever, Anya And then I take a deep breath And I'm like Peace be with you Peace be with you Peace be with you Peace be with you Namaste What are your friends' names? Hi, I'm Franklin This is 93 names This is Trini Skinny Skinny and Minnie They're sisters Trini, Skinny, Minnie Nice to meet you, I'm Franklin They laugh And they move away a little bit further And they're like Oh yeah, so can we Can we get some candy?

Is that We can pay We can pay What kind of candy do you want? Do you have anything Like That'll make us feel like weird Or something? What? Like Do you want to go to the bathroom? Because we have that Yeah No, like we've heard That you guys have That you all have like candy That'll make you feel like weird You know, like the adults feel When they like When they drink wine or something Oh, the wine gums You have wine gums? Oh, what? Like it's gum with wine in it?

Yeah, they're just like Yeah, they're like fruity chewables But they're wine Are you sure you want those? They get you pretty drunk You gotta be careful with these Trini, Minnie, and Skinny laugh We can't have you guys just being drunk And walking around And maybe Loose lips sink ships You know what I'm saying?

Oh no, we would never We would never But we're just And she starts pulling out Like a little purse with coins in it We can pay, absolutely And I just Franklin, I just want to know I just want to know I just want to say We're not the only kids with money There are a lot of people, I think That would pay In other parts of the mall If they didn't have to come to this Hearted Abandoned Dusty dungeon It's We dusted it Yeah It's pretty clean right now We got the floor buffer out Yeah, this Four by five foot square In front of your store is okay, I guess There's a really clear line Where we We We dusted out Like four feet You could eat off the floor here Here, not so much The effect of this is that Like It makes it very clear That there's a hideout here Yeah Where it's basically highlighted The fact that It's like we cleaned We spelled the word hideout In mud On a dirty windshield Yeah, it is secure It is not hidden Yeah So she was able to walk Right up to the front door And be like Bang, bang, bang Hey, is the gang in here?

Who's asking? Wait, you said kids How many kids? What kind of money? Guys You know, in the mercantile district If you were to set up like a Like a distribution center Like a shop or something like that Some sort of stand I don't know Some sort of hidden thing You could stand to make Quite a lot of money I don't know Like it's not really our scene You guys are Criminals, right?

I'm a bad boy Anya likes shivers When you say that She's like Ooh We're not like Like, and I step down Like, we're not like Bad, bad boys Yeah, she's a girl Yeah But, okay What the fuck was that? Oh, okay And I look at Franklin like What the fuck?

Yeah, you know She I don't know She Look at her It's me Franklin, surely Surely you can see the opportunity here Guys Okay, Anya Listen here It's not even about the money We don't want you spreading Bad stuff Acting weird And having it found out That we're the ones providing you With those wine gums Like, we run a tight ship Right, guys? Yeah, totally Totally The pane of glass falls out of a window nearby And we're professionals How do we know That you're gonna use this stuff Safely And!

Secretly Look Ivy, is it? It's Clover Listen, Ivy Maybe you don't understand What it's like for those of us With parents But we don't want Our parents to find the things That we're not supposed to have So why would we Eat the things they don't want us to eat And take the things they don't want us to take In a way That means that they would Take them from us What about an exercise in trust?

A little tester If we don't have to do anything more And maybe we can get a few extra Securities on this door Figure out how to get in Through the door? That'd be amazing It would be great if we could use the door And not the vending machine Oh yeah, if you could get someone to fix this We put so many crossbows on that thing It is a fucking death trap And the trust exercise is a good idea Maybe we can try selling to rich kids Is there like a Party or something That we can like come to?

We don't want to set up a fucking whole thing In your zone There is a party in two days In the Mercantile District Jemsy Coblington Daughter of Bill Coblington Owner of Coblington's Shoes Maybe you've heard of it You looked at it, we're all barefoot It is a very high-end Shoe store that exists in the Mercantile District And she's holding her 11th birthday party And it is invite only Oh, and the party's gonna be so good Jemsy has some connections And catering the party Is gonna be none other Than the hot meat boys Ooh Fine, whatever, we'll be there, I guess Uh, I think I'll be the judge of that Okay, well if we're not there Then the wine gums won't be there So you can take it or leave it We'll see I guess we'll see You there That's so Well maybe we can trade you some of these Wine gums for three invites To this party, and yeah You're gonna have to roll something She doesn't want to give up three invites She's like, uh, I think I could secure A plus one For, uh, my dashing boy Over on this side of the room Well maybe those three Fuck, what were their names?

Skinny, Minnie, and Trinny Because I'm bad at coming up with names Maybe the The The The! Like, Finney sisters Skinny, Minnie, and Trinny Finney? Yeah, great Maybe those Finney sisters can take us as their plus ones Can I roll sway? To convince her to make them take us Yeah, you can Or maybe you convince them Uh, yeah Anya seems like the queen bee Yeah, she is Oh, she definitely is What is she wearing?

Uh, it's kind of like, um How rich girls dressed in the early 2000s in middle school And, uh, she's like, uh, I don't know Like, it's like What, fantasy-ish? What, fantasy-ish? Yeah, okay So it's one of those dresses that goes down to, like, mid-calf With, like, the dumb sandals and, like, Claire's jewelry Oh, sick Yeah Jewelry with pieces of wood in it?

Yeah, exactly So this is risky But it will be a standard effect Okay Three You failed Oh You got a three, which is a failure Okay But something that we just Absolutely didn't even do at all last time Was resistance rolls Oh You can say, actually, no That sucks shit I don't want to fail Uh-huh So when a PC suffers a consequence The player may choose to resist it Describe how you resist Then roll using one of your attributes You suffer six stress minus the highest dice result And you resist the consequence Okay, yeah So you can basically, like, potentially take a bunch of stress But still get what you want So would it be sway again, the attribute that I used?

Because I think If Anya's not on board If she's like, no, fuck off I'm not gonna get you I can, like, work on the girls Yeah Yeah So she's basically like I don't think so There's a certain caliber of individual That attends these kinds of parties And Franklin, as you can see by his Dashing paper mache bow tie And his wonderfully perfumed hair Meets our standards Possibly exceeds them But you two Ragamuffins Shall we?

We say I let out a fart as she says that She wrinkles her nose in a very In a way that makes her seem like she is trying to pretend she is not 12 years old She's like, uh, yeah, I don't think there's room Oh, okay Well, maybe I can beseech your friends instead of you And I turn to the Finney sisters and I'm like Madams Madams One thing that I do know about the Finney sisters is that they're not the same as the Finney sisters I give them the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit I give the credit Delicious wine gums to this boring party.

Yeah, okay, go ahead. So resistance roll. Yeah, so we're starting at six stress, and then you're reducing that number by the highest roll that you get here. And I'm using sway, so it's two dice. Yes. Okay. Four. So you take two stress. Okay. Can Franklin aid by trying to convince Anya? The way that we do aid in Blades in the Dark is you offer to aid before the roll happens. Well, we'll remember that for next time. I mean, you could also have remembered it from last time, but, you know. Fuck you.

The Finney sisters are like, oh, well, I mean. And I've been sashaying. Dude. Back and forth in front of them. Just to show how I could be at a hot party, a hot rich kid party. Uh-huh. Like, I'm doing spins. I'm doing spins in front of them. Like, doing a few tap moves, because my mom forced me into tap classes. And it's working for them. They're watching you like, ooh, oh, look at him move. Yeah. So light on his feet. Wow. Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee. They're like, okay, I guess.

And they look at Anya, and she's like, girls, do not. And they're like, okay, Anya, we understand. We won't. We won't. And Anya's like, I'll see you at the party. And she starts walking away. And you see the Finney sisters, they start to turn to walk away. But Trinny runs up to you, Fenton, and puts a little slip of paper in your hand. Mm. And says, meet me out front just before the party. And they hustle off, and they're like, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee. So that is the score.

You're basically trying to, you're going to be infiltrating and influencing in this rich kid party to try and establish a new, a new market for yourselves. We will do this the way that we did it the first time, in which you will decide how you're going to, like what your plan of attack is going to be on the score. So the way that we do that is with the engagement role. And the methods of engagement are assault, deception, stealth, occult, social, and transport. Sounds like social.

Sounds like social to me. Sounds like social. So the detail, that is missing, well, I guess it's not missing, we've already figured it out, is the social connection. And the social connection is Finney sisters. Yeah. So all that's left to do is actually roll the engagement roll itself. Two dice. Mm-hmm. And depending on how those two dice roll, we'll figure out what goes wrong. Okay. Franklin. Franklin's time. Yeah, that makes sense. Five. Shit, yeah. Okay. So a five is, a mixed result.

You're in a risky position when the action starts. Duh. Dude, we have no fucking clue how to be in a fucking debutante party. So you know that you're getting in. Yeah. You have invites. What are you all wearing to this fancy rich kid party? Garbage bags. Just go in in garbage bags. Are we doing a makeover montage? Yeah, we are. Yeah. Makeover. Franklin rips the sleeves off one of his coveralls. Why? Because it looks, it's good. Hot? It looks good. I guess it shows off your muscles.

Uh huh huh huh huh huh. Um. Put a belt on. Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah. Um. What do you think? Not bad. I think you need a coat with that. Coat. Coat. I go through. Cover those arms back. Sews them back on. Shhh. Clover has a pretty like extensive wardrobe of like garbage clothes slash like Greg's old clothes. Um. So she like pulls out like a wizard. Um. Like a wizarding war. Like dress uniform? Yeah. Wow. Like ceremonial. Uh huh. And she's like, she's like try this on. It's a little baggy but damn.

It's a kid wearing like a dress uniform so it's like got epaulettes and tassels and so many metals on it. Yeah. But the sleeves are just huge. I rip them off. Yeah. Perfect. I just want to show some good stuff. You look great. I feel great. Thank you so much. I feel great. All right, Fenton. What do you want to wear? Can I wear just like a suit that like make, can it be slimming? So one of the slides character specific options for inventory is fine clothes and jewelry. Oh, sick.

So you can just be like, I just have just the thing and actually have clothes that look really nice. Oh my God. That is so funny. Yeah. Yeah. I look like James Bond. Can I rummage through her clothes? Is that funnier though? Yeah. If I use like your wardrobe? I think it'd be kind of funnier for you to show up looking actually dashing. I'm like, what the fuck?

Well, that's the thing is I think maybe he's, even if you're still digging through Clover's stuff, you're finding an outfit that you slap together that looks really nice. Okay. Sick. I'm going to do that. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm like, guys, I think I know a little something about making this look not so bad and I whip around and I rummage into like her things. And I like pull out like vests and like cravats and shirts. I start putting them on.

And what I've done is I took a shirt that had like billowy arms and then I just like tied strings around the wrists to like shorten it to the right length. And then I took a vest and I put it on top of that. And then I took a sash and I made it into a cummerbund and I snitched it up real tight so that my belly wouldn't hang out quite so much. And then there was a little bit of a! Yeah. There was like another uniform, but I flipped it inside out so that it would just be like regular.

There wouldn't be any like epaulettes or anything on it. And then I pulled on like a dress skirt. Nice. So you got legs ready to go. Yeah. It's kind of like tartan. The skirt is kind of tartan. Oh, cool. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. You look like a Scotsman at his wedding. So Fenton whips around and he looks pretty good. Damn! Yeah. Whoa! Oh my God! Buddy, you look great! And now the finishing touch. And I pull my hair out of the disgusting, greasy ponytail that it's in and I shake it out in slow motion.

Oh, does he just have like a curly ponytail? Because you were saying he has pretty curly hair. Yeah. It's just in a little curly ball on the back of his head. Yeah. Can it be like slow-mo like a hair commercial? And it's like, ooh, what you wanna say? Yeah. Yeah. It's that song again. Yeah. So what does Clover look like? Hair is piled up with the flowers all tucked in and she's done it like really nice. And she's used even like kind of fancier flowers.

I have a few dresses from Greg's late wife who was- Oh my God. Just slip that in. That's fine. One of Greg's late wives? Yeah. Yeah. He's had many late wives. No, wait. That's sinister as fuck. Keep that out. Keep that out. No, not that. Not that. Greg and his wife had- Yeah. They had an amiable divorce. Amicable divorce. And she just like didn't want some of her clothes. Clover's put on like a dark purple velvet dress. Yeah. It's like skimmy. And like- Mm-hmm.

And it's got- And it's laced with like satin. Mm-hmm. And she's- And then she has a matching purse. Whoa. But it's really thin. Yeah. But you're still a 12-year-old girl. Yeah. So it's pretty big on you. Yeah. Yeah. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah. I'm still gonna work it. Uh-huh. That's the thing. It's like Fenton's clothes are gonna make it. So he kind of blends in against all fucking odds. But the two of you are sort of gonna be sticking out a little bit. Yeah. I'm wearing shoes that are way too big.

Yeah. And you have a sleeveless jumpsuit on. Yeah. And Clover looks nice. But when you look at her, you're like, wow, that dress is huge. It's all I have. It's close enough. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Determine your carry. What is everybody carrying? Medium, as usual. I'm carrying heavy. Light honestly makes the most sense. Okay. Anything more than light and it will be noticeable. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's the night of the party and you arrive at Jemsy Coblington's family estate, which is in the High Superior Mall, like a four-bedroom apartment. But they get the whole thing. Whoa. Holy shit. Yeah. Wow. Wow. So you realize as you're walking in, you're let in by her butt-like.

I give you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the robe and I give you the robe and arm and neither of them want to be on Clover's arm.

It's fine. I don't want to be on anyone's arm either. She whips her hair. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really hungry you guys. And Anya is like, there'll be food inside you little scavenger. Hey, hey. I know you don't get along with her, but she's my friend. Why do you hang out with these kids, Franklin? Why do I hang out with you? Uh, I think you know why. And she goes, a gesture that suggests all this. Puberty is hard. It's so confusing.

And you walk into this four bedroom apartment, you realize, whoa, all of these rooms belong to this family? That's crazy. As a bunch of people that live in the back room of an abandoned chocolate store, this is unbelievable. Holy shit. Look at this. I'm standing next to the bathroom. I was like, they got a little sink next to the toilet and then another sink. What? They have a toilet? And then I turn it on and I'm like splashing in it. And I'm like, it's like a little fountain.

Oh my god, the water's clean. Is it playing music? We're just splashing in the bidet. We're watching the bidet fan go and this music is playing. Yeah. It's like a slow motion splashing fight. So much bidet action. Just what poor kids do as soon as they're in a rich person's house. And Clover, you see across the room, you see a food table laid out and a bunch of teenage boys in official looking uniforms in the colors of the hot meat boys. Which are? Red and yellow. Yeah. Yeah.

They look like McDonald's employees. Hey, you guys. How do I look? You look beautiful. Really? Yeah. Really, though? Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna go to the snack table. Okay. Do I have anything in my teeth? Yes. Yeah, a lot. Did you brush your teeth this morning? No. Am I supposed to? Yeah, if you want to get stuff out of it. Okay. I turn the bidet on and I just scrub at my teeth. What about now, you guys? It's better. It's a lot better. Okay. Great. Great. After the bidet just hosed you in the mouth.

Yeah. Oh, that's what it's for. Yeah. It's mouth cleaning. And then Franklin and I do it, too. Ah. I wipe my face off with the hem of my skirt and I walk like kind of like what I think they would do in like a storybook. Like with shoulders kind of moving forward. And if I had hips, like my hips kind of sway, too. It looks weird. It sounds weird. Yeah. Go get them, Clover. Guys. I'm hot dogs. Oh, yeah. Go get hot dogs. Yeah, that's what I meant. Yeah.

As we're watching her walk away, like doing these shoulders moves, like we see her in the wide shot and it's revealed that instead of alternating shoulder and leg, she's actually moving them at the same time. So she's doing a weird stomp move where it's just like, boof, boof, boof. Like some kind of weird monster. Like, wow, she did not coordinate that very well. Looks like a marionette. She looks like the dreams that I have about the Ogopogo.

As Clover's stomping up to this food table, all the hot meat boys start taking notice of you, like, tromping up to the food table where there's a variety of hot meats being doled out by these boys. I look around, I'm like, is there anything vegan? And they're like, is vegan a kind of thing? Is it a kind of meat? No. Then I don't think so, baby. Ugh. We're the hot meat boys and we love hot meat. Gross. I like, I look around to see where Seamus is and he's at the end of the table.

Yep, he's right there. He's handing out little hot dogs on sticks. Well, I think I see some vegan stuff down there, so I'm gonna go there. And Seamus is there. He's looking as fine as ever, handing out meat to all the pretty people, all the rich kids. I'm like, I'm gonna go there. I'm like, I'm gonna go there. All the rich kids. And he spies you, he locks eyes. Hey. And his eye's narrow. What are you doing here? I was invited. I find that very unlikely. Seamus is kind of funny. Yeah.

Seamus is genuinely kind of funny. I kind of love him. Yeah. And he is like, you were invited to one of the finest parties in the Highspear Mall. Yeah. With some of the richest kids in the entirety of this building that we all live in for some reason. Cut to Fenton and Franklin drinking out of the bidet. And the Finney sisters? The Finney sisters are watching you drink out of the bidet like, are we gonna dance or something? The water fountain in here is clean water. Did you guys know that?

Do they know that you clean your butts with that? You guys clean your butts? Do you guys clean your butts? Why? You're just gonna poop out of it. It's just gonna get dirty again. Right away. It's pointless. It's like cleaning your feet. Cut back to… Well, I was just down there and they didn't have any like vegan food. And I'm wondering if like, I was just gonna see if there's any like vegan food. There's like vegan stuff down here, but… Uh, no. We sell hot meats.

And he like twigs some thought in his head, hitches and he narrows his eyes. And he kind of grabs you by the arm. Just gonna like come over here. Yeah. And he moves you over behind a big stack of presents. Because it's a birthday party. And he goes, you're on the job, aren't you? What? What are you talking about? You're gonna try and sell these kids. You're moving in on our territory. I'm not. I was asked to be here. And I didn't even want to be here. They begged me.

And he reaches into the bag that you have. And he pulls out a bunch of wine gums. And he goes, I know it. Don't. Let go. Don't let anyone see those. And he throws them back in your bag. And he's like, if you think you're gonna muscle in on our territory, you and your band of mongrels, you got another thing coming. They wanted us here. They wanted this more than they wanted you guys. Oh, we'll see. We'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Yeah. We'll see.

And he's backing up going, oh, we'll see. Oh, we'll see. Clover's back. And then I trip over my dress. Because it's so long. You just eat shit right in front of. We'll see. Whoopsie. And so that's the risky position is Seamus and the Hot Beat Boys know what you're doing. They know that you're gonna try and sell to these kids. And they're gonna try and stop you. Okay. So I trip. And then I get up really quick and sprint back to the bathroom. And Fenton and Franklin are drinking out of a bidet.

Guys, stop it. What? I just. Just look up. Mouth. Water pouring out of her mouth. Did you know that people clean their butts? What? Why? Why would they do that? We did. We asked the same question. We got no clear answers. That doesn't matter right now. Oh, but I really want to know why. I just thought. I just saw Seamus and I didn't tell him, but he found out that we were selling our wine gums here. Fuck. So he knows and he's gonna tell on us. I mean, we can handle them. We know that.

I know, but they think we're like stepping in on their territory. I think we have to offload pretty quick. And then fucking bounce. Yeah. Maybe we should try and sell as much as we can to one person. All right. Who wants it? The baddest. Let's go and scope the party. The easiest way that I think that could happen is a group action. Oh, hell yeah. So who's leading this group action? I'm going to ask Anya, I guess. Like, isn't she our point of contact? Yeah, that makes sense. Distribution? Yeah.

What are you using to do that? My guns. What attribute? Oh. Gotta roll a thing. Hunt. Oh, yeah. You're hunting for like the kid that's like hurting to get drunk. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe you wouldn't be talking. No. You would just like look around the party. Look. Yeah. You know, like the kid that's like desperate. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool. So is this a group action? Are you all? Oh, yeah. Yeah. We're all scoping out. Like I'm helping by using survey. Is Clover helping? I guess so. Can I use study?

Make a case for it. I observe people all the time because I have to like figure out like who is my, you know, my target. And so she like also kind of knows the look too. Yeah. She's recalling that information. I think that makes sense. Like I know the Hubber, Hubber stones. I know the Hubber stone twins. The Hubber stone twins. Their lives are super boring. So when they get out, they want to get fucked up. And they're 15. Oh, yeah. The kids are like looking at fucking. Crazy.

15 year olds are nuts. Yeah. That makes sense. Clover's using her knowledge to like direct Fenton and Franklin. Like these are the kids you got to be finding. Okay. Yeah. So let's roll this group action. All of us. Yep. And then this is whoever has the single highest result. This is risky because the hot meat boys are on the case. Sick. Damn. Yeah. Perfect. I'll cut to. Well, Paul got two. Yeah. Paul, I believe you take one as the person that was leading it.

You take one stress because you didn't get anything. Your highest was under a three or a three or lower. So on a six, you do it. That's it. You made it happen. Hell yes. Teamwork. Nice. Franklin's stressed. We go over and try to make them feel better. Yeah. He's desperate. Desperado. This is good for nothing. Rich fucks. Hey, it's okay. It's fine. You got us now. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you should go grab like a corn dog or something. Yeah. It'll make you feel better. You might be hungry.

Do you want one? Yeah. I'll take one. Just one? Yeah. Cool. And as you're making Franklin feel better, Clover spots the Humberstone twins. You see them next to a punch bowl, just standing together, not talking to anybody. They're older kids and they're very haughty and they're seen as very cool. So people are like, oh man, that's the Humberstone twins. And they're pissed off that they're not talking to anybody. They're like, oh, I'm not talking to anybody. I'm just going to go to the bathroom.

I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to give you the give you the and Jason. Nice. They're both blonde. They both have short hair and they're both just standing together. It seems like they're non-verbally communicating with each other just like this fucking sucks. I'm so pissed off. But Clover's like, oh shit, that's the Humberstone twins. If we want to sell to anybody, it's going to be these two.

And just as you see them there, you see Seamus walk up to the two of them and start whispering. Shit. That's the situation. Seamus is up there and you're like, no fucking way is this happening. Come on, Fenton. Let's go. Let's do it. And we like… Hustle up. Yeah, push past through the crowd. Yeah, and it's pretty loud. You pass right through the dance floor.

There's a big glass jug in the middle of the floor and the cork's coming out and there's beautiful, loud, popular young person music coming out of it. Oh, like there's a music bottle in the middle. Yeah, but it's like a big jug. And there's like a DJ there. Yeah, and he keeps putting his hand over the opening of the hole. He's got different… Oh, pouring different liquids in and changing the music. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's got… He's putting his…

He licks his finger and he's putting it over the edge of the bottle and the music's changing slightly. Yeah, he… Oh, my God. So cool. DJs are cool in this world. That's so different from our world. Fantasy. But since he's… Since he's a DJ, he's gotta have something lame about him. So he's got those, like, little circular welder's goggles on so he looks like he's, like, a mad scientist. Hell yeah. He's just like, this makes me look cool unironically. Fuck yeah.

And you pass by the DJ and you get to the Humberstone Twins just as you see Seamus. He's got a little array of meats on his hand. Oh, my God. Seamus. This does not concern either of you. We're talking business. I think it concerns everyone because, like, I saw you at the clinic today, and I remember you saying, like, you had doctor's orders to stay home for at least a week until your rash went away. Yeah, I thought you had beaver fever. Why would I? I would never.

Then I'm like, this kid has beaver fever, and I kind of tell everybody. I don't even know what that would be, but I don't see how it would affect my operations as a representative of the Hot Meat Boys. Well, Tana and Jason, is it? Yeah. Mm-hmm. If I were you, I wouldn't touch anything of his, and actually, I wouldn't even talk to him. Like, he's definitely contagious. Yeah, look. Look at his front teeth. They're growing out. I think he's turning into a beaver.

And, uh, Clover, you are exploiting your knowledge that the Humberstone Twins are germaphobes. So they, yeah, so they look at Seamus, and they're like, ew. Oh, my God. We gotta get away from this kid. And they just, like, walk away from him. And you two follow them, I guess? Yeah. Yeah. But I, shoot, Seamus will look like, fuck you. He's like, oh, I'll get you for this, Clover Ivy Fern. I'll get you for this if it's the last thing I do before the end of today.

And you're alone with the Humberstone Twins. All right. Cut to Franklin at the Hot Meat Boys table. Yeah, he's got a mitt full of the hot dogs. These things taste awful. You guys fucking suck. And he walks up to him, and he's like, does that thing where he, like, fakes him out, and, like, four guys are like, ugh! They all drop a bunch of hot dogs on the ground, like, ooh! And Anya comes up to you at the table, and she's like, Franklin, you're not even dancing with me.

You've barely spoken to me all night. He grabs her and starts, well, then, let's dance, baby. Holy shit. And he's dancing her, and he's, like, doing all these cool moves, and he's spinning her and dipping, and picking her up over the shoulder, just, like, as he's moving towards Clover, and Fenton, he, like, dances her over, and then gets over with his friends and, like, twirls her away and says, all right, let's sell us some motherfucking wine, girls.

And she's like, oh, wow, Fenton, you're so light on your feet. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And she twirls away into the middle of… Into the DJ booth. Yeah, and she's just disappeared. You hear a clang. The music stops momentarily. And you're there. Hey, Franklin. Yo. Hey, uh, this is Tana. Hi. And this is her brother, Jason. Hi. What are they, man? And we were just talking about, like, how boring this party is, right, guys? Uh, yeah. These are a bunch of kids.

Yeah, these are a bunch of kids. Are these guys cool? They're… Oh, they're cool. Are we cool? Are you cool? Oh, he's so cool. What are you kids even doing here? Like, you're, I don't know, pretty young, but you're, like, a baby. Hey. They look at Fenton. I have that Benjamin Button disease where I'm old, but I look young. Uh, you have a disease? Never mind. Stop it, then. It's not contagious. He's hilarious. What do you want? What do we want? No. What do you want? That's right. Yeah.

I want to get out of here. Yeah, we want to get out of here. Yeah, but you can't. Physically. But you could mentally, if you know what I mean. Uh, like, with thought exercises? No, like, like, substances. Uh, oh. I wasn't gonna say anything. Like, I only brought them as an emergency if it got super boring. We only sell to cool kids. Exactly. Because we're cool tree kids. Have you heard of us? Uh, should I have? Yeah, should she have? And I as well have? Uh, yeah, both as well have.

They haven't heard of us? I guess you guys don't like to party. And I just… He's right. Like, let the little bag of wine gums drop. Yeah. I guess you're squares. Somebody's gonna have to roll something to convince them that this is not stupid as fuck. Is it… What is it? You have sway, right? Yeah, I have sway. And you did the move. Yeah, but this also seems like a team effort. Oh, yeah, it is. So we could try an aid with this one. Okay, an aid. Only one person, Ken Aid.

Uh, but you basically take a stress and you give a die to Fenton. Like, he gets a bonus die. I'll take the stress. Yeah, so he gets three instead of two. And this is again, risky, but I'll say great effect. Because if you pull it off with these guys… We can sell all of our shit. Yeah. All at once. Exactly. Six. Two, three, six. Okay, I thought it was… Because if you roll more than one six, that's like a critical. And it's even crazier. But it's just one six, so it's a totally…

God, I don't think I could have handled it. Uh, you… My asthma is acting up. I cannot handle a critical right now. I would pass out. Uh, and you drop the little bag and Jason catches it. He's like, what are these? They're wine gums. Oh, like wine? Yeah, but, you know, like sneakier, because you can eat them and no one can see. Yeah, they get you real fucked up. Yeah, they're only for people who, you know, know what they're doing. Yeah. So go easy on them. Yeah, I wouldn't…

Personally, I wouldn't have more than a couple myself. They both jam their hands in and take a handful and shove them all in their mouth at once. Whoa! It's your party, bro. They're, like, chewing them like, I don't even taste anything. It would be… It's pretty good. I just want you kids to know that, like, you seem cool. Well, that's great. It's ten coins for the bag. Whatever, little boy. And they just take out their wallet and drop… You're not getting ten coins. Okay, what…

You don't get to determine that. The score is usually two coins. But they do pick up their whole purse and just drop it in your hand. And I try not to look too stoked. And they're like, do you have more of these? Because I think we can figure out… An agreement. We got more if you got friends. Yeah. We got lots of friends. We're the Hubberstone twins. Oh, I have more for sure. And I pull it out of my training bra. Her dress slumps down.

What I'm saying is that we have, like, friends, like, we know a lot of people in the mall. Maybe we set up a situation where through us, more people have and we have and then you also get. Yeah. I mean, this is a score and also we can set up some new turf. Yeah, we would be agreeable to this. Yep. We would do it for sure. Okay. Here's our card. What does the card look like? It is… It's a bat mitzvah card that just has the address of our secret shop on it. Yeah.

The address of your secret location. I was thinking something like a small map for how to get to the secret location. And it says, look for the clean area of floor. Incredible. And they just crumple it up and shove it in their coats. And they're like, okay, sounds good, little kids. We'll be in touch. Cool. And then we are not used to getting a score this big. So we just stand in front of them without walking away. They just teeter back and forth looking at you.

And then they turn around and they teeter away into the crowd. Great. What an awkward moment. We are pushers. That was pretty good, you guys. Yeah. Do we stay or do we get out of here? We can get the fuck out of here. We should get out of here. Seamus is really mad. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you know that Seamus is mad and you see the hot meat boys aren't at the food table anymore. Oh, shit. And you look and you go, oh, there's one over there. Where?

Like, just on the other side of the room. And you go, oh, there's one over there. And they're spread out throughout the room. So they're definitely trying to, like, corral you. And you see one of them talking to one of the adults. Oh, no. Oh, shit. Can we get out of here secretly? Yeah, potentially. Survey? Survey? Survey! Yeah. Yeah, survey. So give me a survey. This is, again, a risk. You have two survey. I have two survey. Okay. So this is risky and standard effect. Fuck. Three.

That's the highest one I got. On a three with risky, things go badly. So you see one of the hot meat boys talking to an adult and you look at them right as they point right at you. And you see the adult go, oh! It's the butler from the front. He's got his little cummerbund in his dickie and he starts wading through the crowd. He says, you boy, you! He's yelling over the music. Franklin runs over and knocks all the DJ bottles into one. It's a big crazy scene. Smash, crash, and concoffiny. Okay.

And it, like, a flood happens. He skirmishes the DJ booth. Oh, that would be wreck, actually. Wreck? Yeah. Okay. So this is desperate, but with great effect. Three. Fuck. Three. So with a desperate, three, it's the worst outcome. Jesus. Okay. Now keep in mind, resistance rolls are a thing. You guys can say, no, I don't think so. I don't think so. I think the person that rolls it has to say, I don't think so. You know what, guys? I don't think so. Yeah.

So how this works is, again, we're starting with six stress and however you tell me that you're gonna try and fix this, you'll roll that attribute. I mean, I was trying to fuck shit up, so then can I just start a fight? A brawl? If it's skirmish, that means you're gonna start scrapping with people. Yeah. Threes. Jesus. Three. So you take three stress. How much stress are you at? Six. Okay. How many can we take before you get drama? Eight. Oh, geez. You gotta do a rest next time. Yeah.

Engage in your fight. Oh, nine. Nine? Okay. But still. You need to do that. It's still pretty close. You, um, knock over the DJ bottles. It's this huge, massive crash, and the music just bursts. There's music, all flying throughout the air. Everybody claps their hands over their ears, because it's such a cacophony, and it's just too much. People start freaking out, and a hot meat boy just jumps on you.

The scrap starts happening, so you start getting the shit kicked out of you by a bunch of hot meat boys, and that's where the stress is coming from. Ivy jumps in, like, right away with a huge handful of trans powder. Yeah. With rec? If you're fighting people, it'll be skirmish as well. I don't have skirmish. So that's a fortune roll, basically. Three. Three. You throw a handful of trans powder at the hot meat boys in the middle of this room.

As you're doing it, one just reaches out and grabs onto the bag that you have, and they pull off one of the little pouches that are on the side, and you know that you had money in there. So the crew's gonna lose, like, one coin as they just yank off a bunch of your money. Okay. Okay, so you're gonna get that. So the trans powder hits the crowd, and everybody, including Franklin, who has been hit with this before, starts blanking a little bit, and there's a momentary lull. Yeah. You do.

Drag Franklin out. Fenton, help me. I help her drag Franklin out of the room. We rush out if we can. Yeah, this is one more group activity to get out of here. And then that'll be sort of this roll that'll get you out of the room. Oh, maybe I'm, like, surveying for, like, the clearest path. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. So yeah, this is Fenton's roll. So how's everybody helping to get out of this? Like, what's rec for? Rec is for wrecking things, sabotaging things. It's not for people.

It's for, like, structures and stuff like that. Oh, there's, like, a… There's a big, like, ice swan sculpture. Yeah, exactly. That's great. With, like, champagne flutes all stacked up. I'm like, that's so stupid. I just kick it over. Yeah, that's perfect. Franklin's gonna hunt for a way out of here. I'll use hunt to find the way out. Yeah. Do we know? No, that's perfect. That's great. So Fenton's leading the thing, so everybody roll those attributes. I got a six. A three.

Six, three, and three. So Fenton takes two stress. Okay. But everybody gets a six to get out of here. So that works, like, Franklin and Fenton are both looking for, like, the way out and, like, to stay out of the hot meat boys thing, and Clover's like, this is stupid, and just kicks the leg out of a table, and a massive ice sculpture of a swan just falls down off a table and shatters into a million pieces, and kids are freaking out, and in the chaos you're able to slip out the door you came in.

Fuck yeah! Cool. Fuck rich people! Cool treat, kids, forever. And with that, you are out and into the mall and into the darkness. And you have secured a customer base in the Hubberstone Twins, and you have made a deeper, deeper enemy of the hot meat boys. Also, we got their wallets. Yes, also you got some money. That's the end of that score. You guys just make it back to the lair? Yeah. You get another two rep for that.

These sales represent, like, future potential money, so for the standard score, you guys get six coin. Total? Yeah. Yeah, total. Oh, we get six? Yeah. Shit. How much heat do we get? Well, would you say that that was smooth, contained, loud, or wild? It was a little bit loud. So, four heat. Because everybody saw you were the reason for a lot of this shit.

Ivy's throwing powder in people's faces and kicking over ice sculptures, and Fenton is a weird kid in a trench coat, and Franklin's beating people up. It's such a funny move to be like, fuck, that's Barney! Yeah, we just really destroyed it. All these fucking champagne flits. Yeah. We cut to the Cool Treat kids in their lair just ragged as shit. Fuck those guys. Who do they think they are, those spoiled brats?

I have a bathtub which is just like a big, empty barrel, and I'm sitting in it because I have an Epsom salt bath. Like, this was crazy. Fenton is back up on the roof, monologuing again. Yeah. He's got his cane with him.

He didn't get to pull out the sword, so he's like, holding the sword out, and he's like, and so it goes, that another connection has been secured for the Cool Treat kids, for the sweetness will be distributed to the Richies, and the Richies will distribute their sweetness down to us, and so sweet we will be, that our mummies will be like, ooh, you're too sweet for me to even kiss. And that is the credit roll over this weird monologue yet again from Fenton Beasley.

As the sun sets on another day and another score for the Cool Treat kids. I've been your Game Master, Sean O'Hara playing Fenton Beasley, the Slide, Abdul Aziz. So long. Playing Clover Ivy Fern, the Leech, Jessica Tai. Good night. Playing Franklin Stein, the Cutter, Paul Oppers. See you later. Thanks to our patrons for listening and for supporting. And we'll see you next time. And so ends the tale.

Of the Cool Treat kids always up to no good so tiny and greedy and angsty they be as they navigate crime and puberty and though our journey may be like a conclusion we will not leave you without a resolution return next week to the chocolate store as the Cool Treat kids plan their next score and for you I'll gladly spout now and once you crash through the roof of the fort you were accosted by Seamus and the hot meat boys get over to me Jessica burped unexpectedly Abdul made me eat sushi with him did not make offered goodwill sorry so kindly offered to get sushi and then I ate a lot of it I left a dinner halfway through to order sushi from a different restaurant like a psycho we had a recording session earlier in the day and then Abdul and I went surfing and then we had Japanese food during which Abdul left mysteriously yeah it was our only nice dinner out on the town we had without Abdul he left for at least over half of the dinner yeah he got up with his his infant son and said I'll be back and took like half an hour hey I have a crazy relationship with food it's true half an hour each way it was nice to be without me for a few minutes when you came back it was also nice it was nice all the way around because when you came back your baby ate udon noodles and then when like 10 minutes after Abdul got back he shamefully admitted that he went to order four rolls of sushi four is reasonable for everyone yeah but we didn't know it was for everyone and then he was like I have to pick it up at 830 and we're like we're having dinner I have to leave again and then when he came back he was like I was like where's the sushi and he's like I put it in my car I'm not gonna like bring it here to this other restaurant that would be crazy you said that in earnest like I was the idiot for even asking so overall pretty nice day hi I'm Simon I'm G and I'm Boof have you heard about Pickaxe's hit new old movie podcast Yomp we each have a list of six films we want to share every week we roll a dime and we'll give you guys to randomly pick which one we watch and discuss MC Bunkerwelt says this trio is perfect for a movie podcast G is the casual that has the mainstream movies Simon is the nerd that is bringing the gems and Boof is the cellar goblin that scrapes the bottom of the diaper Messiah Jones says such a fan of this podcast I love the variety and all three have pretty good chemistry G is far too confident in her own intelligence sometimes and Simon can be a great friend of mine and Simon can be a great friend of mine and Simon can be a great friend of mine and Simon can be a real curmudgeon but the three work together well enough to keep the flow and make a good product Serenity Indeed says love this podcast so far but the audio is all over the place goes from quiet at the start of a sentence to loud in the middle every time somebody stops talking for even half a second their audio goes quiet and has to ramp up again it's very distracting edit this audio issue was with my laptop find Yomp on all your favourite podcast platforms Yomp or give it a try by clicking the link above or give it a try by clicking the link above or give it a try by clicking the link above or give it a try by clicking the link above or give it a try by clicking the link above or give it a try by clicking the link above or give it a try by clicking the link above or give it a try by clicking the link above or give it a try by clicking the link above