Episode 1 – Batter’s Up

Pickaxe. Blades in the Dark. Three little orphan kids are living and perpetrating crimes in a fantasy version of a Mega Mall. Honestly, it's pretty much just Gangs of New York, but if it was kids and 80s and in a Mega Mall. If you've never played an RPG before, don't worry about it at all. Other than the GM Sean, none of us had played before we started this show. I can tell you from experience that you pick it up pretty quickly.

It's basically just collaborative storytelling and improv with some dice rolls thrown in for fun. And that's it. And if you're hearing this, then you are listening during launch week, which means that you are eligible to win one of three massive giveaways, including some amazing Mall Brats character art done by the incomparably talented Casey Golden. All you have to do to be eligible for that is to rate and review and subscribe to the show.

There is more information on that giveaway and how to make sure that you are properly entered at the end of the episode. With all that out of the way, let's join our three would-be criminals taking their very first steps into a very large mall. Should we listen to the theme song? Sure. Do we have one? No, not for this song. Not for this. It's going to be the usual stuff. Oh. Should we? Just do one? Gather round friends, let me tell you a tale. A little free scoundrel's grabby and small.

A hippie, a dancer, and a sweet talker who live in Hasbier Mall. You've seen them around, they sell sweets by the pound. Their wares are famously tasty. Here I sing, singing to you, of crimes involving chemistry. Clover's the whisper, she makes all the sweets she has. She coined all the diction. Planted this lie, she sleeps. She's the same, and writes, and fire up conviction. Franklin's the cutter, his fighter's strength. Despite his stance, he's whole.

Best and brightest, they may not be, but that's not the real core. So gather round friends, and listen close. For the tale's about to start. Welcome to a special late night recording of Spoutmore Mall Brats episode one. And with me, as always, playing brand new characters. Playing Fenton Beasley, the slide, Abdul Aziz. Hello. Playing Clover, Ivy, Fern, the leech, Jessica Tai. Hello. And playing Franklin Stein, the cutter, Paul Oppers. Hi. We are beginning our Blades in the Dark campaign.

Featuring the cool chat. And the retreat kids in the High Spear Mall. So should we recap what our characters are? Yeah. Like, read off our sheet? We'll go around first and talk about our characters. So starting with Abdul Aziz. Yeah, I play Fenton Beasley, who is the slide, which is kind of a con artist kind of character. Artist is maybe a strong word. He didn't get any arts grants for what he's doing. Con dabbler. Yeah. His background is he's from Kinos.

So he's from the capital of the principalities. His dad is a merchant who sells. Fucking scarecrows. I forgot about that until I started that sentence. Yeah. That's great. And his dad sells. He owns the biggest scarecrow reseller in the principalities. He sells used scarecrows? So he buys them from farmers and then he sells them to other farmers at a markup. It's because he thinks farmers are stupid. He hates them for some reason. But he's one of the best in the land. And Fenton's mom.

His mom is kind of weird. She like loves her turtle figurines. And in retaliation, Fenton's dad made a female scarecrow called Brenda that he brings out. Fucking Fenton's mom speak too weird. He one ups her? Yeah. In how weird he's like, oh, you know, my wife, she's a real chore. So I bring out this scarecrow, which is totally fine. So, yeah, that's my heritage and my. Action. Are these action? Action points. I think points. I have one point in consort to and sway to and survey and to and study.

Cool. So he's a real nerd and he's kind of likable. My special ability is a modified version of the trust in me move, which what does it do? It gives you a plus one dice when you're rolling versus a target with whom you have an intimate relationship. Yeah. So I changed that to please help me. And he's just begs for help. Help in a really pathetic way. Yeah. Whenever you ask a friend for help, you're just like, please, please. If you're shit, my pants, you need to help me. It's an emergency.

I'm friend with the lunch lady at shitty food, which is like a free food purveyor in the mall. Like they just give away free food, but it's pretty shitty. My rival is Seamus in because I have a crush on Clover Ivy Fern and she has a crush on Seamus. So it's classic like kid love triangle bullshit. And my alias is Mr. Gilbert is one of them. And he is like my like grown up businessman alias. And then I have another alias who's like an enforcer and his name is Toblerone Jones.

You want to do that one more time? Toblerone Jones. Yeah. You turned that word into so many syllables. Toblerone. Toblerone. Toblerone. I put the trouble in. Troblorone. Is there? And moving over to Jessica Tai. So I play Clover Ivy Fern and she is 12 years old. She is a vegan. She was abandoned by her parents who went to live in a commune and she's from like a hippie family so she's super hippie. She's got naturally curly purple hair and it's long.

And she wears really old clothes from her friend Greg. She is also an amateur bagpiper. This will come… This is integral to my character. I didn't know that. I like that you touched your glasses like you were telling… She's also an amateur bagpiper. This will come up later. That's a real Bram Constantine thing to say. And then my things I guess are I'm a tinker. You're the leech which is your playbook. Oh I'm a leech. Okay.

And the leech is like an alchemist which I think we have determined means that Ivy makes all the like candy and treats that you sell. Yes. Potions. Potions. Sweet potions. My action points are I'm a tinker, a wreck, study, I command and one consort. I don't… I forget what they mean. Yeah that's all good. So you've got two in wreck. Two in study. One in command and one in consort. Yeah and two in tinker. Do you say that? I forget. Yeah two in tinker.

Say just you say them all again and say the number. Okay. My action points… I'm sorry. I'm just literally forgetting everything. Oh this is… Immediately. Immediately. You read it and then you forget it before it hits your lips. Yes. That happens to me all the time Jessica. Okay. I genuinely love that you can like the picture that you drew of Clover Ivy Fern is unreal and how detailed and good it is. How perfectly you captured it.

It's exactly what I was imagining and you're like it says tinker and I am also consorting with that tinker. You can't just read a list. I just can't read. Okay. Oh I'll do it. Get out of here. This is awesome. This session is going to be wild. Okay. My actions are I have two tinker two wreck two for study one command one consort and my friend is Greg who is 65 and he lives in like this dank damp area and he and I grow like illegal stuff and weirdness and weird herbs.

He also is my taste tester for the candies I make. Seamus and is my rival and he's 14 years old. He's a hot meat boy and he works at that hot dog cart in the mall. Yeah. He collects money. He collects protection money from a corn dog stand. Yeah. Yeah. Which I imagine is in the Yesterland amusement park. Yeah. Oh yes. I remember him having an Irish accent. Mm hmm.

I hate Seamus because he he he comes into our dank room and he like takes our herbs and stuff and he also like threatens to tell people about our cool shit. But I also love him because he's super hot. I have a big crush on Seamus and my vice is pleasure and it's specifically corn dogs that I get from the hot dog cart where Seamus works because they have meat in them and I didn't know but I still like to eat them. Just addicted. To them now. Yeah. And I have a lot of shame. These are so right.

Don't tell me. Seamus is like now they're me. They're me. They're meat girl. Oh pretty good. Pretty good right. Yeah. We'll work on that. There's going to be a real outlander subplot in this. I'm done. OK. On to you Paul. Thanks Jessica. Hi everybody. I'm Paul. And Paul is playing Franklin Stein. Mm hmm. I am a cutter. It means I can really chop it up. Take it out. Chop it up out back and literally the most confusing way to say that I kind of like toss it with the best. Yeah.

That's a pretty cool way to say you fight. People can really chop it up. Take it out back. This is coming from. Please help me. Over here. He's never going to fight in his life. My heritage is multiple places. Vertgrass. High spirit. Queen. Queen. Queen. Us. Um, uh, I spent some time in the, what is it called? Kinos. Yes. Queen. Us. OK. He grew up in a bunch of different places. Kind of a foster kid from all around different principalities.

Spent some time in the Zillers Point Academy as a military kid. I am not to be trifled with. Oh, right. That's the move that means that you can fight a small gang. Yeah. I can take on a gang. He's very tall. He's like a crew cut kind of kid. Two in skirmish. One in command. Two in skirmish. Two in a tune. One in hunt. One in survey. And one in wreck. So kind of like a weird fighty, sensitive wreck. Uh, my close friend is Dr. William Hook. Uh, he's my old social worker.

And he also, uh, he spent some time in the military as a, what are they called? Medic. And so, Franklin goes to him to, uh, get sewn up after all of his little skirmishes, his little blowups. It's the closest thing to family I have. Uh, I don't have a rival yet, yet. Yeah. I don't like the idea of his rival being somebody who's really good. Yeah. Oh, like a lawful good. Oh, the only, the only straight, like, cop in town or whatever.

So his rival is like a security guard that is genuinely trying to keep order. Yeah. Corb Green. Corb Green. Oh, fuck. So cool. Corb. Like, that feels like a small town. Like he's from a farm kind of thing. Is he from the Everwood Valley? Yeah. Oh, so is he a halfling? Corb Green? He's like, he's a halfling. He's a halfling cop. He's a detective. He's really, oh man, he'd be a little bit fucking intense. Corb Green, halfling detective. Oh.

The only way I could survive is by playing it by the book. Yeah. And murdering people. By the book. Great list cop. I'm gonna, I'm gonna say he's a halfling. That sounds good to me. And like, if he's really good, halflings are usually very good people. I'm talking. Totally. Business in the front, party in the back. He's got a mullet. Long mullet. Curly. Tight on the sides. My vice, his weird. Oh, right. Obviously. Yeah. And what is your vice? Do you have a specific one? No, that is weird.

It's just weird? He likes being weird. Oh, it's weird. It was that you, you like to try and attune with the spiritual side of them all or interact with the unusual aspects. Oh, he wears army green coveralls. Oh, cool. Yeah. Like those World War one or two like flight suit things? A little bit more form fitting. Not a lot. Not as baggy in the cuffs and ankles. Cool. But very similar. Yeah. Cool. Benton is dressed in a little sailor's outfit. What? That's how his mom used to dress over there.

That's what he was wearing when he got dropped off at the mall. So when he does crimes, he's dressed like a little sailor? This is adorable. I don't know. Some little sailor came by and caused a bunch of trouble. It's a little soft noodle armed sailor came by. Oh my gosh. Like it's the sailor outfit with the shorts. Pants and like the hat with like the ribbon on it. Like, you know that one? Like Donald Duck? Yeah, basically. Oh my God. I was like. The floppy thing? Yeah. Yeah. Amazing. Okay.

And so the scene is set. We come upon the Cool Treat Kids in their secret chocolate shop lair. Fenton Beasley. What's Fenton up to? He's not a little rocking horse. Okay. A little wooden rocking horse. Uh huh. What's he doing on the rocking horse? He's just thinking. What's he thinking about? Turtles. Why'd you say it like that? I don't know. I was trying to think of something else. What's he thinking about turtles?

He's just like reminiscing back to his time with his parents and being like, wow, I might live on the street and like live in an abandoned chocolate factory. But wow, I'm better off here for sure. Oh man. Rock. Is the rocking horse in Fenton's like living quarters? No, it's in, I was imagining just in like the middle of the room. It's just in the middle. It's a thing he does sometimes where it's usually like stashed in a corner and he drags it to the middle of the room. That's how he thinks.

He like gets on it. His thinking horse. People are really busy. They go around him just like doing things. The motion of it helps him think. Incredible. And what's Clover up to? She's in the workshop and she can hear Fenton like, creaking away on his chair. Uh-huh. On his horse. What's Clover doing in the workshop? Uh, Clover is testing out a new herbal blend for a lollipop. Tell me more about the lollipop. She's trying to make it a sleep aid lollipop. Ooh. Yeah. Pretty cool. Yep.

And last time Greg tested it out for her, he slept for four days and she was like, Dial it back. She's trying to dial it back. Exactly. That was the last job that we did where, like, I was like, talking to Franklin and I was like, on the horse and I was like, you know what, man? It just helps me think. You should try it out sometime. And then Clover bursts in and she's like, Fenton, fuck, Greg's been asleep for like two days. You guys have to help me wake him up.

And like, we can't wake him up so we all had to do rotating shifts where it's like, we use an eyedropper to like, feed him water because he would literally die if he went that long with a freaking. We have to roll him over and poop him. Also, his eyes were open while he was sleeping so he had to drop his eyedrops in his eyes and blink them for him. It was way too heavy so Clover's back in the shop just like, weighing out the herbs. Nice. And what's Franklin up to?

He's doing a little, what he likes to do is some little meditation bits. What's his meditation like? It's, he puts his nose against the wall and he goes to different places that he's, uh, felt safe in. And, uh, he has, he likes to be in the shore of bird grass. Mm-hmm. In the tall grasses with his nose against a tree. Sweet. What is going on with this kid? He's got a lot of weird stuff happening, man. That's great. So what is the shores of grass look like?

They're stark cliffs and long grasses right into the, into the water. So the grass runs right into the water? Yeah. Into the water? Pretty close. That's so pretty. And it's as you're all standing around in your lair doing your different things, uh, you hear a boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, like from the vents above. Mm-hmm. You're like, rattle, rattle, rattle.

And through a vent, a little folded up piece of paper slides down, flap, flap, flap, and lands right on the table in Ivy's work, in Clover's workshop. I read it. It says, greetings. I have a task for you three. There is a large shipment of smarty root, being held in the storeroom of the Hot Meat Boys, located behind the Cyclone cart coaster in the Yesterland Mall. Retrieve this and you'll be rewarded. Hey, Fenton? Yes. Uh, where's, where's Franklin? I'm here. Oh, hey. He's staring at a wall.

Sorry to interrupt your meditation. Oh, did I hear, did I hear a note come in? Yeah, you did. We might be able to get our hands on the wall. I'm some smarty root. Oh. Sweet. Okay, you don't seem very excited. I don't understand what it is needed for. What is it needed for? Well, the flavor is so sweet and good, but it also increases your thinking power to double what it is. So like, scholars want it. Um, you know, big nerds. Holy shit. Which is another way of saying scholars. Yeah. Sorry.

So, so many kinds of people want it. Scholars, big nerds, fat dorks. Also, like the powerful boys, like businessmen, people who, like students who are staying up really late. Literally, who wouldn't want this stuff? So yeah, not only would it be able to make some good stuff for you to sell, you could just straight up sell the root.

The way it's generally been working with your, whoever your mysterious patron is, is you recover things for them, or sell things to people they tell you to sell things to, and they'll take some of it, and you get to keep some for yourself, and you get a little bit of cash in return. What's the split? It's not good. Yeah. It's like, 5%. We only get 5%? Of the things that you steal, yeah. Shit. How much coin are we gonna get for this? I think you, it just says, you will be rewarded.

I yell up into the vent. I'm like, hey, how much coin are we getting for this thing? And you hear, and boom, boom, boom, boom, and gone. Fuck. Okay. Well, all right. Let's just do it. Is there a structure to how we execute the jobs? There is indeed. Okay. So the first step is planning. So let's talk about what is going on.

Behind this cyclone cart coaster in the Yesterland Mall, there's like a complex of small buildings that used to just be food stalls that the hot meat boys have taken over and boarded up and built on. So it's this small complex, and they keep a bunch of tasty meats in there, and they hang out in there, and they keep money and stuff in there. It's pretty well guarded for the most part, but it's not the most well-guarded place in the mall, and that is the place that you need to get into.

So there'll be hot meat boys around, but there's also going to be a lot of people because the park is really populated. So they connect the stalls together to create like a walled-off zone? Yeah. Yeah, with walkways going above them like a fort, like an old-timey fort. Yeah, I was thinking that. Whoa, cool. Yeah, and it's like it's just their little fortress in that zone. Hell yeah. They keep their wares. They hang out. There's a turret on one end. That they like hide in and shoot shit out of?

Yeah. Yeah, when they're under attack. The slingshot gumballs. Essentially like an old-school like fort town? Yeah, but like child-sized almost. Do people live in here? In the fort? Yeah, in this like little… Yeah, there's probably a small group, like six people that live in there all the time. Oh, there's… There's cots for a lot of people. And this is their main supply dump? No, this is just where they keep stuff for this section of the mall. Oh, okay.

Yeah, it's one of their distribution centers. Yeah, exactly. Does the roller coaster above it? Yeah, sure. It goes up over it too. Yeah? What are the… Is it like a slow climb or is it like one of the fast zones? Well, I guess… Ooh, maybe it's one of those ones where it whips around a corner. So… Check, check, check, check, check. So every once in a while a cart just goes like… I wonder if we could see into it from the roller coaster. Oh, for recon. Yeah, for recon. It's awesome.

Just like… Oh, fuck. Oh, God. How much of a view did you get? Not much. We gotta go again. Half a second. Were your eyes open? Mine eyes weren't open. Finn's just barfing the whole time. So actually, how it works in Blades in the Dark is you do something called the engagement roll. So you decide between six types of plans and then you roll the engagement roll to see where it goes wrong. You don't have to plan a step-by-step heist plan. Sick.

Yeah, it's basically just like you make the roll and then you roll and then that roll determines when everything starts to break down. So the six kinds of plans that you can make are assaults, there's deception, lure, trick, or manipulate, stealth, trespass unseen when you're not or where you're not wanted, occult, confront or exploit a supernatural power, social, negotiate, bargain, or persuade, or transport, move something from place to place. What's transport-ish?

Yeah, I guess moving something from place to place so you're trying to get something from there to there. Like from in there to out? Like we leave a pack of ding-dong then we'll run away. That would be more deception, I think. That's deception where we try and trick them. Stealth is where we try and sneak in. Yeah. Occult is where a ghost does it. Yeah. You ask a ghost to do it. Okay. Yeah. Social is where we just make friends with them. Or you like try and scam your way in.

They hate us so that's not gonna work. That won't work. I think deception sounds kind of fun. Yeah, I like deception. Assault. How much salt do we have to use? Wow, that's what you're going for? Yeah. That's what you're going with for that one? It's pretty late. It is almost one in the morning and we're in beautiful Tofino, British Columbia. Okay, stealth. Deception? Yeah. Yeah. Wow, incredible.

So with every plan there's a detail that you don't have and the detail for deception is the method of deception. You either know that detail which I think in this case you probably do because you've made this plan to deceive so you know what you're gonna do or if not then we'll scout it out. But how do you think you would get into this compound by tricking them? Part of me wants to use a roller coaster because it's there. It's kind of cool. Yeah, it'd be kind of funny.

If you were gonna use the roller coaster to get in that sounds more like a stealth thing. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Climb up the roller coaster and then jump in. That's definitely stealth. And then sneak around once we're in there. I mean, stealth is great too. Oh, okay. Let's stealth our way in then. Yeah. Yeah, let's stealth it. Sure, I don't care. Yeah. Okay. So we're gonna just for learning's sake we're gonna do an average engagement roll which means you roll 2d6.

All of us or just one? Just one person rolls 2d6 and I'll use this to determine how like when things go really bad. Just give you the best luck. I, okay. My glasses aren't on so I don't know what it will say. Four. Four. Ugh. Four or five is a mixed outcome. The PCs initiate their chosen plan but an unexpected complication arises. So you guys are using the roller coaster to enter this place by riding it and then jumping off? Yeah, we're all cause you said it was like a curve, right?

Yeah, it is a curve. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna like unhook the thing as it's approaching the curve like break the bar open and then like let the curve whip us into their fort. Is that what you guys were thinking? Yeah, except I thought the thing across was just like a rope. Oh, yeah. Like even flimsier. We just slice through the rope. Yeah, exactly. What's your plan to not just be rocketed into the ground? There is none. Yeah, I did.

What about using, you know, the thing you do in the wind when you're a kid and you fold your jacket above your head? We could kind of make parachutes with our jackets. Yeah. Does that work? Have you ever been on the ferry and done that? It works. Four kids died last year just getting picked up into the air and dropped in the ocean. Oh, yeah. It was a problem. So you're, your plan is to use your clothes as parachutes. Yes. That's totally a plan that a kid would come up with. Yeah.

And you know what? You guys are lucky that that spout more Mall Brats is a kid's heist scenario because otherwise I'd be like, are you fucking stupid? Yeah. Yeah. Kids are dumb. Wow. Such a funny strategy. All right. We all put our windbreakers on, right? One. Yeah. I think I started it in the middle of the countdown, went to three and then, went to one. We're kids. So I think that is the, that's the mixed success is it's tougher than it seems. Well, so are we, buddy. Yeah.

So you guys go to the Yesterland Amusement Park. It's an incredible scene of amazing technological wonders and fun rides and hot foods, the likes of which you have seen frequently because you're here all the time. And you are, are you making a beeline for the cyclone? I think we should make a beeline for their like little place and then like surreptitiously like buy some foods nearby to like eat them and then like. Observe? Yeah. All right. I go to the hot dog cart. Yep. This is stressful.

I need it. Mm hmm. So you go to the hot dog cart that you always go to. Yeah. Unfortunately. Yeah. And who's the, who's, who's it run by? Well, right now, Seamus is working. Oh, I'm like, but then I left my hair. Think good vibes and I go up. Yeah. And Seamus and is there. He's got his sleeves rolled up. You see his little 14 year old biceps. Oh, Popeye cigarettes. Yeah. It's a little candy cigarettes that you made. Yeah. We should say. Wow. Rolled up. How are you liking those?

Oh, these cigarettes. Yeah. They're all right. Life had better. What do you want? Um, I have, I have a corn dog, please with mustard. Another corn dog. Hey, just the one. I, you weren't here three times yesterday. This is happened a lot before. Yeah. It's a lot of them. A lot of him being like, what are you doing here? You little piggy. No, I meant Sean and Jessica. Boy, candy man, leaning glasses off boy. Oh my God. Yeah. Jessica has soaked her socks. She's seen, seen her jeans. I hate this.

I created it. Yeah. You signed up for this. I hate creating. Yeah. Shamus and is there. Look, I had a lot of things go wrong yesterday and I spilled a lot of stuff. Yeah. I heard about it. I heard the hole you burned in the floor, dripped all the way down to the tunnels. It didn't happen quite like that. How did it happen? And he's making a corn dog while he's saying this. Can I just have the corn dog, please? Yeah. I'm just gonna have a corn dog. I'm just gonna have a corn dog.

I'm just gonna have a corn dog. I'm just gonna have a corn dog. I'm just gonna have a corn dog. I'm just gonna have a corn dog.

I'm just gonna give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you the corn dog and I give you Sizzle, sizzle, sizzle.

One corn dog. Thanks. For the little missus. As he passes it, their hands touch for a sec. Ooh. You see him go, just a little bit. Wait, Seamus likes me? I thought he didn't. No, he's like, oh, get out of here. Us. Okay, bye. I didn't even pay him, you guys. Damn, that guy's smooth. Yeah, he is. Whatever, he looks like a dumb shit. Ugh, you don't even know him, though. I bet you can't even read. You don't know that. Yeah, he's pretty smooth, though. Stop.

See the way he made that dog without looking? That kid invented the V-neck. Is he wearing a V-neck? Yeah. Yeah, he is. And it's deep. And he's got, like, little teenage boy pecs under it. I don't know why I said it like that. Yeah, that was a weird way to say it. Fuck, I gotta cut that out. What? No, it was great. You said the word hot in there. Hot little teenage boy. Hot little teenage boy pecs. Because, you know, when we were teens, we all wanted hot teenage pecs. Oh, yeah. That's true.

Ooh, maybe that is the mixed outcome. What? As you see as you're walking away, Franklin, you're looking back at the corn dog cart. Clover's, like, blushing and eating her corn dog. And Fenton's, like, steaming about Seamuson. Yeah. But you look at Seamuson and you see him squinting after you. Like a, why are they all here? Kind of thing. Like, he sees Clover a lot, but he doesn't see you two with her all the time. So he's, like, alert. He knows we're a gang. He knows you're a gang.

And that's what he's like, what are they doing here? What are they trying to pull? What's going on today? I guess I do usually eat a corn dog alone. In shame. A shameful corn dog. I am eating it pretty fast. I don't want it to linger in your thoughts. Guys, we gotta play a cool Seamus.

I give you the give and give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give at the corn dog cart and shamison isn't there he's gone and there's someone else in his place all right let's go scope out this fucking thing keep an eye out for that fuck yeah hopefully shamis comes back no what the fuck are you talking about I nothing and as we're you're walking ahead because you got mad at us for like shitting on shamis and as we're trailing behind you I like I I'm talking to franklin I'm like wow look at how fast she's eating that corn dog she's really going to town on that thing hey reel it in big guy I don't know it's making me like go crazy it feels like my eyes are buzzing I'm gonna go get a chocolate covered banana and try and eat it really fast in front of her and see if that works are we playing out that scenario I just come back with a banana trying to eat it really fast hey clover look what slower slower slower franklin what's he doing what's he doing to that he's just going to town on desserts normal shaped desserts pen that's gross I finished I told you there's so much stuff on your face I got it with the peanuts that was a bad idea I didn't chew a lot of peanuts can you use the other toilet tonight last time you did this it was so gross I didn't want to clean it but I had to because I couldn't look at it anymore this posits and I'm comfortable with this that in your lair there's the good toilet and the other toilet the good toilet's in the lair the other toilet is in the chocolate factory so it's really scary to use it super scary you gotta use the other toilet oh no your ass like hanging over the chocolate river looking around like I hope there's no monsters in here last time I took a shit I think I saw a lister fiend what the fuck's a lister fiend it's like a mouth troll some people like them because they eat like plaque and stuff and they keep your mouth nice and fresh in the summertime there's like a hive of fire bees that makes them eat fire bees and they eat fire bees and they eat fire bees they're home in that toilet zone yeah in the roof shitting trying not to get burned to death by a bunch of fire bees I'm allergic to fire bees everybody's allergic to fire bees and peanuts what are you doing I don't even have pantyhidrate guys ugh so you make your way across the court and uh or the yesterland park and the cyclone is sort of a against one far wall of this massive open glass domed area and you're like oh my god and uh the cyclone is pretty popular with some people but a bunch of people have died on it so it's not the most popular ride how often do deaths occur probably once a quarter a quarter what like every four months hour holy shit I love that I also got quarter wrong every four months you're imagining that you're spending four quarters making a dollar no I was just like yeah there's 16 months in a year sure no it's like every couple every year there's like four to five deaths okay but they keep it open so you see there's like it's fenced off so people don't go in and get their heads chopped off by the carts but you can see through the chain link fence this built up tree fort looking pile of abandoned food stalls with a little almost plywood looking turret on the side and you see a hot meat boy on the top of it and he's got a spy glass and he's looking around making sure no funny business is going on what an idiot that's pretty great is there anything you're trying to learn from the uh about the fort or anything is there any doors or anything is there any way in yeah there's a there's one door guarded yep by two hot meat boys on either side and how many can we see in the place you can see one in the tower and the two at the door and that's it do they have any weapons the hot meat boys mhm they have little knives little knives yeah anything else spears slingshots I mean you assume that the one in the top maybe has some sort of ranged weapon uh if there were attackers of some kind but for the most part you know the hot meat boys generally use like little knives and most of it's like cutlery of some kind like steak knives or big forks or whatever mhm they have lying around I grabbed a plastic knife from the hot dog stand we have plastic we do now I guess right I grabbed a I grabbed a a wooden disposable knife from the hot dog stand a wooden biodegradable knife waste free thanks and I turned to these guys and I'm like hey guys I'm gonna compost this after we're done murdering oh good that's awesome we're proud of you yeah yes uh wow this dynamic is awesome this is already really working for me Fenton desperately trying to impress Clover who could not care less but every once in a while I was like nice job Fenton he's like oh my god thank you uh great so yeah oh and remember something to remember is flashbacks I forgot about that yeah if you take a flashback you can determine an action that already happened you still have to roll for it and stuff but you can determine something that happened in the past and how does it work?

Does inventory work?

Like cause I imagine I would've brought weapons or something with me so you don't have to you don't have to decide what you bring with you you do have to determine load that is something that we forgot to do I assume so the way load works is uh you can take light medium or heavy load and light is like things that you can carry on you that aren't super obvious light you get three like check marks worth of stuff to take uh normal you get five and heavy you get six but heavy is like you're fucking loaded for bear like everybody's like why are they carrying so much weapons and shit light is the best one for doing something stealth or deception yeah doing something without being recognized as carrying a bunch of shit yeah I'll take a light load this is gonna be a problem isn't it mhm I'll take a medium load oh so medium is like people can see that you're carrying a bunch of stuff yeah I always have a bag anyway clover has such bulky clothes totally yeah yeah and we'll I'm sure there are some details about load size that I'm not uh aware of but we'll figure that out later okay yeah so clover's got medium normal so that's five ticks worth of things and as an alchemist or as a leech you have a lot of room for shit nice uh fenton's a light light and franklin a heavy heavy so franklin's like got shit all over him yeah he's like got military gear he's a cutter yeah everyone knows it uh then yeah that's so those are load so then the only other question I have about the their like center is is it covered on the top or not um you think that you would have to take a look from the uh from the actual roller coaster you need a vantage point of some kind to look down to see if like we could get in there yeah okay I thought we'd just take a ride okay yeah let's take a ride just get in there just get in there okay yeah let's take a ride okay yeah let's take a ride yeah oh yeah let's roll the die yeah if you want yeah let's do it otherwise Seamus might see us climbing a roof oh yeah that's true he's fucking out for us somewhere in this fucking place maybe oh no don't catch me Seamus don't chase me that skinny loser so you go up to the the carny that works at the at the cyclone yeah he's got a long long mullet and then no hair on the top just the long he's got a skullet yeah it's just it's bald on the top and then long down the back and he's really scrawny with a big paunch and he's got a sleeveless shirt on and I want to use my alias okay and also my trench coat and I want to get on Franklin's shoulders let's do this okay so I scramble up there it's pretty awkward to watch uh huh easy easy oh my god yeah I'm pushing you up thanks can I get the trench coat oh yeah here you go and I whip it up yeah hell yeah yeah and so you just walk up to this dude yeah and I'm like hello there sir my name is Mr.

Gilbert and I and my daughter want to get on the roller coaster and ride it several times so how much do I have to give you to let that happen to us feels what the fuck is happening he's like what'd he say what's the look on his face right now and I'm whispering to Franklin I'm like he looks kind of mad at us so confused so this is um I'd say this is risky it's like you're gonna have to roll something to convince him because he's like I might just be fucked up but this does not seem right plus you are way too tall to ride this yeah your head is all little but your body is real long yeah it's like your haircut I had an accident yeah he got in a cart accident my dad's a hero you can't believe you would treat a hero like that yeah I saved a veteran from a veterinarian you saved a veteran from an animal doctor yeah we're fighting over who is allowed to use the shortened term vet hmm uh yeah you gotta roll something this is what am I what is a risky move what are the dice so how action rolls work is uh I tell I've told you what the obstacle is now how this is different from Spout Lore is that now you tell me what you're going to do and what skill you're using I'm gonna pull out my fake ID what skill you're using the skill of owning a fake ID it's our actions are skills yes sorry action you're going to be used sway I have to sway and to study yeah and to survey and one consort and I want to use all of them somehow so look is sway that's the one where it's like that's a good one yes ways like lying yeah convincing people way not true things can I use more than one more than one what of these no okay yeah just way I don't know why would you why would you do that because I I could imagine a situation where I was like hey buddy I'm your friend consort and now I'm telling you a lie sway and then I look at your at the details of you survey and then I remember something that I studied earlier that gives me insight into your situation like I can tell that you're from the southern principalities and you fucking love macaroni and cheese me too you're like poking me sorry the person like you know if it was like it's 118 in the a.m.

Morning and I'm just like mad at you Sean we're playing a game and it's fantasy you have to come along on the journey what the fuck does that mean it means it's three hours past my bedtime and I am here for the game you're absolutely right man you know what is so funny is I'm thinking about how this is like this is our first episode we're going to teach you all about Blades in the Dark and I can only assume we're playing it so wrong but you know what patrons if you give a shit let us know but if you don't don't say anything and we will continue as normal yeah comment below on how wrong we all are remember to like and subscribe Jessica's pointing down telling you where to comment yeah the comment section okay so how this works is you choose what what singular action you're using sway sway and you roll the number of dice that you have in that shit yeah and then so that's two correct yeah these one yeah and then so this is a risky thing and it will have standard effect which means that you are not in a controlled position this is a really risky move to be like I'm gonna pretend to be one man but I'm two boys we get it okay and tell me what I need to get to win this okay roll those two is there an aid move like a tune from inside and there is indeed there is indeed gonna help because we're to become one yeah I need someone like I never needed love before oh actually okay so here's how this assisting is kind of cool so to assist so you can either do teamwork in which this is you're leading a whole action for everybody which Mr.

Gilbert kind of is so how Mr.

Gilbert just when you stand on my shoulders yeah and pretend to be it and then Toblerone Jones is when I stand on your shoulders but I wear a headband hey fuck off I know karate I wear a headband and I have boxing gloves on is this how you guys usually fight is Fenton just sits on your shoulders no we don't fight that way Fenton just kills everyone when we fight oh wow Franklin sorry yeah Franklin Fenton's never hurt a soul because he's not capable so if you lead a group action each PC who's involved you choose the person who is leading the action and everybody that's involved rolls for the action together so you all roll like the two dice or whatever or however many you have and you count the single best result as counting for all of you which is a move I really wish we had in Spellworn we all each of us rolls two oh no you can all tell me how you're doing what you're what skill you're using to help okay I will use consort because it just seems to make sense so I'm gonna be like do I know you from somewhere uh Jessica's already concocted this like kind of shitty teen character you're so good at playing a 12 year old it's crazy so different from Billy it's almost unbelievable don't I kind of know you from I I!

I don't even know how you're doing it glasses off you became 12 yeah it's in me this is the other side of me patrons yeah I love it I suck so you can assist in which the people that are assisting which would be you two each of you would take one stress and that would give Fenton one more die to roll per stress or you can do the lead thing where you're all rolling together and whoever gets the highest result that counts for all of you I like that one more because you guys don't have to take stress sure but yeah for every other person that gets one to three on their die you take one stress I'm fine with that I am already gonna have diarrhea in this rollercoaster not having to do with it all right I would like to use my like my two action dots I would give you the consort and you would roll your attune and you would roll your sway.

Here we go. We're all gonna do it. Get ready. Three and four. What did you guys get? One and five. So you roll as if you got a five and who rolled a one to three as their best result? Oh, me. Okay, and what did you roll as your best result? Four. Okay, cool. Fenton takes one stress. He's just stressed out by this whole scenario. I'm flopped sweating so much. My armpits are so full of fucking sweat. Your ass crack is sweating. Yeah, and… It's dripping down my back.

Yeah, and because you were shifting around to try and stop that sweat from dripping down your back, you fucking head-butted me in the balls. It tickles. So the carny looks at all of you. I'm like, please let me on this fucking rollercoaster. I'm gonna die. And he's like, okay, alright. I'm gonna level with you. I don't buy any of this. What are you talking about? There's two boys inside this man. Franklin just like pops his… Oh god, thank god. I've been farting so much inside the trench coat.

It's like a hot meat boy sleepover in there. Oh my god. But he's like, but here's the thing. You little one with the pink hair. What color is that? It's purple. Well, it's lavender I guess. I don't even… I don't know. Some people say it's lavender. I don't know. I have seen you before. You're the one that makes those delicious candies, aren't you? It is me. Yeah. What do you got on you right now? Right now? I have in my pockets, I have a couple of those lollipops that Greg tries.

Lollipop ones? Yeah. Forget Me Pops? Yeah. Is that a good name? That's a pretty good name. Forget Me Pops? Yeah. I have a new candy that… It's not even on the market yet. This one make you have a good time? Oh yeah. Totally. You have a good time with this one? Yeah. This one, you're gonna have the best time but it's all in your head. Mmm. Mmm. Okay. Alright. You give me one of those that gets you kids on here. Sure thing. Here you go. Alright. Don't take… Don't eat it right now.

Eat it when you get home. Okay. Can do. He takes it, he pops it right in his mouth. Okay. So what we're gonna say for that is that I don't even know if this is how this works but basically you're gonna have Clover, you're gonna have one less load. Yeah. That load got used up. Sure. It's… I gotta find a different word. Load is not gonna work for this group. Carry. Carry. You have one less carry. Perfect. God, that solves all of our problems. Okay. Yeah. So you've got one less.

It got used up on this weird carny who loves the Cool Treat Kids treats apparently. Mmm. Mmm-hmm. What was his name again? You didn't get his name. I didn't get his name. And he is fast asleep. Oh yeah. He stumbled. Yeah. Wait. He's got that… He's doing that thing where he's got an elbow on the rail and he's got his hand… His head on his fist and he's slowly sliding off. He turns the roller coaster on and then passes out. Yeah. Yeah. So the roller coaster just starts a-clackin'. Shit.

Here we go. Let's get in there. Yeah. Oh, weird. Come on. Come on. Yeah. Come on. Clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack. I grab… I'm running. I'm so fat. Franklin, help me. Pick it up. I grab the trench coat that's still around your shoulders and fling you into the cart. I'm being dragged for some of it by the trench coat. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's not until we get to the top that we like… My arms are so nearly… I can't pull myself up.

Alright, so Fenton's been dragged into the railway cart. Click, clack, click, clack, click. And… Back down the hill. So it starts… Yeah, exactly. It's kind of scary. Let's all react as if we were on a roller coaster. Click, click, click, click. This is awesome! You're whipping down this extremely unsafe track and you realize as you're going down, I understand why so many people die on this thing. Just turn. Turn the other way. Whip around a loop.

You see the turn coming up that'll whip you out over the hot meat boys. Is there a roof? Yeah, we're getting ready to look. I'm holding on real tight. I feel like this would be a survey. Okay. Does anyone else have a survey? Three. I have two in survey so I probably should have done that one. Live and learn. Yeah, you're just like, who else has a survey? I do. Clack. I got it. I got one. So again, it's risky, but you're going to get great effect because you have such a good… Vantage point?

Yeah, exactly. So with a three with risky… Yeah, a three is a failure. A one to three is a failure on a risky roll. Can I take stress to help him? It is an ahead of time thing, I believe. Okay. Maybe we'll just take the failure with this one. Okay. Yeah, because it was like basically you're trying to figure out if you're going to learn anything from this roll, but you're just moving way too fast. By the time you get to the end, by the time you're like, okay, what can I see? Woof, you're gone.

Oh, man. So you know that's where you want to get off, but you don't know anything about where you're going to land. We're like, did anyone see anything? No. I had my eyes closed. What happened? I opened my eyes, but I got sand in them somehow. Where? I don't know. Did anybody see? Okay, it's coming around again. Keep your eyes up. We missed it again. It is so scary. So yeah, you're going in blind with this one. Literally, I have sand in my eyes. Just blew up from somewhere. All right.

So the plan is to just jump off and then use our coats to catch air. Yep. What an incredible plan. Okay. I can't think of a better one. You should grab some. Oh, yeah. Are we all grabbing the trench coat? Dude, I think we're all wearing windbreakers. Franklin's got his coveralls in there like a little big for him, so they act like a squirrel suit. Oh, hell yeah. He can fly in. I'm wearing an old war, like the Wizard Wing war jacket. Cool. So you got like a big man's jacket on.

Yeah, but it's all rolled up and I'm just like, good enough. Now that I'm thinking about it, I love that this is your plan for sneaking in. Is to whip yourself through the roofs. Yeah, I think we've determined, hey, look, patrons, we're learning. But also like, this is what these kids would have done. Yeah, we're going to sneak in by cannonballing ourselves through the top of this place. Hey, guys, we were supposed to wait till nighttime for this. Whip, whip.

The roller coaster, is going faster and faster. Oh, God. Yeah, the car needs a sleep. And every time we come to the corner, like it like taps a bit more. Oh, that's a good complication. Maybe this cart just comes off. Let's roll to see how you guys get out of this thing. Okay. Yeah, I think, okay. So I think this is a fortune roll. So a fortune roll can be used when an outcome is uncertain, but no other role applies to the situation at hand.

Unfortunately, there's no action, which means we're going to leap out of a catapult that is a roller coaster car and try and quietly smash our way through the room. Yeah. There might not be a roof. True. And we might be able to parachute down really quietly. So I'm going to roll one just for the fortune roll. And then the two is going to be for your major advantage, which is an unbelievable plan and a very effective vantage point. Cool treat, kids. It's cool treats. Assemble.

This would be cooler if we had rings. Dang it. I'll think about that. Candy rings. Oh, that's a great idea. Yeah. Make a little diamond. Oh, I love it. Oh, shit. The corner's coming up. So just to be clear, what's the plan for once you jump out? Land. Okay. Frankly, you're going to protect us, right? I'm ready to go nuts. Cool. Pulls out knives. Candy knives. Jackets up, boys. We do it. Get ready for this. Here we go. Oh, no. Not good. No. So one to three is a bad outcome slash poor effect.

No shit. So what do we think? The dice are not with you guys on this one. I think the cart comes with us. Yeah. I think you all take a stress point. Okay. As you're whipping around, you're like, all right, the cart, every time you hit that turn goes, tips up on two wheels, tips up on two wheels a little bit more. And as you're coming around, like cool tree kids, coats up, boys. You hit that corner. We all put our coats up. Yeah. And it goes up on two wheels, one wheel, no wheels in the air.

And you basically ride this cart with your coats up in the air. Who can say whether. What you say. That you only meant well. It's slow mo. We're all freaking. What you say. Fenton is having diarrhea. Oh, that is all for the best cloud of diarrhea. And just. And then it speeds up. Yeah. Smash, smash, smash, smash, smash, smash, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And you all come to in a pile of shattered wood and metal. Somehow, something. Broke your fall. I shit my pants. Oh my God.

And you're just, you realize you've smashed into six barrels of liquid corn dog batter. Oh, thank God. And you're just covered in batter. Yum. Somebody dip me in the fryer. And you all come to, and you were staring into the face of Seamus in and behind him. Six. Hot meat boys, all brandishing cutlery of different sizes and shapes. And Seamus and looks down at you clover and he crosses his arms and his little 14 year old biceps are shining. Oh, did I die?

He goes, well, well, well, what little piggy do we have here? That's Fenton Beasley. Mister. He's a friend. He's a friend. He's a friend. He's a friend. He's a friend. He's a friend. He's a friend. He's a friend. He's a friend of mine. Yeah. Everybody get behind me. I pull out the compostable knife. It looks like you've stumbled into the layer of the hot meat boys. What do you do? I get up and I'm like, okay, clearly some stuff went wrong. We were on that roller coaster. It fucked up.

We didn't mean to come in here. But like, as I'm talking, I'm giving secret signals to like, fantastic.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm When you fight the hot meat boys, do you kill people?

No, no. It's just like little kids scrapping. Yeah. It's like what kids say. We're going to kill them. Yeah, totally. Yeah. No one ever gets killed. Yeah. Just wanted to make sure. No one ever dies on screen. Yeah. That's the motto of Speltmore Mall Brats. The ultimate kill is pass out. Yeah. The ultimate kill is your parents come and they take you home and they're very disappointed. The parents in this scenario is like the food court. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm.

Where it's like they're like fucking cool treat kids, hot meat boys. You're in a tribunal kind of thing. We're bringing you up on charges of being little shit. Yeah. Like those are like the godfathers. Yeah, basically. Like you've made too much noise. Yeah. You're not allowed to do crime anymore. Yeah. You have to stay in your room for 10 to 20. Mm-hmm. Oh my God. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. So the plan is let's just fuck these people up. Yeah. But I'm trying to distract. Well, he's talking.

He's talking. Franklin's undoing his coveralls and slowly tying them around his waist, tying the top half around his waist. Oh, sick. We know what that means. Yeah. Yeah. So what's revealed when Franklin does that? Because you are carrying heavy load. You're covered in weapons. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A bandolier of little- Candy explosives. Candy. Yeah. Pop rocks. Bombs. Oh, sick. And candy cane knives. And a slingshot and little gumball bullets. Bubble gum blasters.

Big bubble gums pop up and then explodes all the gum and traps people. Yeah. They get stuck. Nice. They're like little net things. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. These are all things that exist on the item sheet that we could be marking off if you actually wanted to have any of these things. How many things does he allowed to have? Yeah. Six. Six. Okay. Two more. Yeah. You have two more. Salt toffee knuckles. Toffee knuckles. Toffee knuckles. Yeah. We'll say that that's one more.

And then so you have one more. It could be something like a drug thing. Oh, true. Like a tear gas or like a flash bomb. Clover's thing that she picked at character creation was trance powder. So she has like a candy that is able to put people into trance. Yeah. A trance powder kind of like stops people in their track. It's like they're in a daze. Like they totally forget where they are and what they're doing. Sweet. Okay. So yeah, that's Franklin's. Uh, Carrie.

Does Ivy have any Carrie that she'd like to cash in? Is this just like stuff we're preparing to use? Yeah. This is stuff that you've had on you. Okay. Uh, I have those sleepy lollies. I just have them. It's like, and I already use them. I also have bubble gum trap net. Yep. So that's one more. So you have three more. Um, I have that trance powder. I have a kombucha gun. Uh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Is that a small thing or a big thing? It's a small thing. It's like a water gun. Okay.

It's got kombucha in it. It stings people's eyes. Sick. And also I get hydration if in emergency. Uh, do I get one more? Yeah. One more. I have an olive branch and I use it as a weapon. The olive branch. Nice. That's fucking awesome. That's amazing. Yeah. It's just a branch from an olive tree that you beat the shit out of people with. I just happen to have it. I'm like, oh, okay. That's so sick. Okay. And this is a good way to explore how carry works for when we play in the future.

Inventory is basically like everything is an adventurer's kit. Like you just decide in the moment, oh, I need one of these things. So I'm going to, I'm going to check off one of my carry and now I have this item. So what's Fenton got? How many can I take? I took like three. What does nerd have? He said he has a cane or something. Oh yeah. He's got a cane sword. Yep. So that is one of them. You could check off one of those. Okay. Uh, do you want anything else? Or is that all he's got?

Um, I don't need anything else right now. I can decide later. Right. We're really sorry. Something went wrong with the roller coaster. Clearly this is a misunderstanding. And I know that like you're embarrassed. Clearly I'm shameless. You're an embarrassing person. Like none of us want to play. Yeah, it's true. I mean like the guy fell asleep. I think like he didn't turn off the ride. Okay. So I think what it's going to be. Is so the ultimate goal is to beat them all up. Right? Yeah.

So it would probably be another group action led by Franklin. Okay. And then you're helping. You're taking part of this group action with your sway. Mm hmm. And then Clover's also aiding in it. Yeah. I have command. I could use that. Yeah, totally. Uh huh. So I'll be like Seamus. Like, why would I lie to you? Mm hmm. How are you so good at this? Cause it's literally like how I am. I'm very annoying. Yeah. So you're using what skirmish? Oh yeah. I'm using my two skirmish. So I got six and two.

Mm hmm. Oh, you got a six. So six is that would be your, the highest role for everybody. Okay. Awesome. Whose highest thing was between one and three? Jessica. So Fenton. So Franklin takes one stress from that. That's okay. I think that was desperate. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And it's, and you're able to do it to standard effect because Fenton, uh, Franklin's so good at fighting large groups of people. So yeah, that's exactly how it happens.

Like describe this fight or describe the lead up to it. It's. I'm just like, it's fine. It's fine. Oh, it's fine. When you come crashing through the roof of our, our, our beautiful fort here. Seamus, it was an accident. The guy fell asleep and, and like the ride just didn't stop. And obviously this is what happened as if we would ever like, like, you know, do this on purpose. Oh my. It's a death trap. You know that. I do know that.

That's why I can't believe that you would expect me to believe that you're sane in any way. If you decide to ride that thing, how do I know you're not using it to sneak in here and destroy our goods and wares? How would we even know that the thing would fly off at that point in time? And then I do the signal. Transporter in his face. And then I've hit him with a bubble gum net and push him into the two behind him. Sticks to those guys, pop rocks in the very back. So they look behind them. Whoa.

Whoa. Throwing canes into their feet and locking them into place on the ground. Woo. Slingshots into both of their faces and running and just start swinging with toffee knuckles. And while he's. Bam bit. While he's doing that, I pull the cane sword and I cut the, the, the line that's keeping the huge vat of, uh, hot, hot dog batter up. And then it like slowly starts falling over. Oh shit. And then I run, I take a wide berth getting in all the sideboards.

I give the people the give the people the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the give the like a big group of thugs all netted up together and covered in hot dog powder and I mean yeah you clean these dudes out like this was a small group and that's really all it took to just beat their asses and shamison is like oh I knew it clover I knew you would betray me I go over to him and I kiss him on the mouth and I'm like you're not gonna get her hey and he goes and he passes out and yeah you kind of have the run of this place but that made so much noise you hear the like clang clang clang clang of mall security like getting closer find this smarty root okay where what did that note say I take it out uh from my pocket yeah yeah it said that there is smarty root in a large quantity being held here you uh just break all the huge boxes okay smashing around does anyone have survey survey I have one survey how many do I have I have two survey hold on hold on hold on so before the roll happens I have to tell you the the like controlled risky desperate and like what effect it's gonna be okay what is it roll first I think um just because security's coming I think it's desperate again yes but again great effect so go ahead four four uh so with a four to five you do it but there's a consequence you suffer severe harm a serious complication occurs or you have reduced effect I think what it might be is that since you know security is coming you only have time to grab a little bit okay yeah you're you might not get a cut or if you do it's gonna be so small oh just grab what you can you guys fill your pockets okay fill your pockets yeah yeah there's you find like a stack of small wooden crates.

I just wrench it open. I just reach in there, you guys. Yeah, I grab and I start stuffing it into the trench coat pockets. I tie the arms of my pockets and fill up the arms. Oh yeah, I tie the arms of mine too. Oh yeah, and I make mine into like a belly shirt and I stuff it all in there. And then my cargo pants. Ben's going nuts. Franklin puts a whole bunch of his mouth and his ears and his nose. No, get it out of your mouth! Get it out of your mouth! It tastes so good once it's in your mouth.

I know, but we need to stew that. We need that flavor. It sounds like you guys are taking a lot. Thank you. Yeah, but there's more. It's only what we can carry. After all of that, it's like a tenth of what you would have been able to get. Shit! Okay. Yeah. And we start running. Yeah. I smack Seamus on the face one more time. And you run out the door. Since there's nobody guarding it, bang, door's wide open and you're in the Yesterland amusement park. And you hear clang, clang, clang, clang.

Which direction is it coming from? Other side of the roller coaster. Where's the entrance? Where's the entrance? It's past that. Oh, so it's in the direction of the clanging? It's in the direction of the clanging and to the left is where it opens into the mall proper. So we go deeper into the Yesterland amusement park. Alright, let's go. Let's go, let's go. Alright. So how would you avoid notice? With a hunt? Yeah, potentially. To figure out where they are? We're tracking where they are? Yeah.

I think that makes sense. I only have one hunt. I have zero. You do hunt. Okay. Hunt. Six. Six. I was gonna say, this is again, desperate, but greater effect. You got a six. That's the highest you can possibly get. Yes. So you can see in your head you've had so many run-ins with the mall security that you're like, they're dumb. They go the same way every time because they know it's the fastest way. They take the escalator. And they see them all standing there waiting as they go up the escalator.

Bring in the bell. Clang, clang, clang, clang. Clang, clang, clang, clang. Standing with their hand like, we gotta move to the side so people walking can get up faster. What a fucking terribly ineffective security force. So you're able to be like, come this way, come this way. And you weave your way through the Burrito Canyon, the place that has all the burritos. Just burrito carts on either side and they're getting taller and taller for some reason. Rio Queso.

The sun rises over the Canyon Burrito. And tumbleweed goes across. But it's like… Iceberg lettuce? Yeah. I'm so glad you picked that up. I couldn't think of a thing. And you run past the log ride extravaganza. You see all the people having fun on the log rides. You run past the rotato zone through Paroqui Town. Wow. And you are able to skirt right around security. You see the exit to the Yesterland Amusement Park right in front of you. Right next to the kombucha stand.

Right next to the kombucha stand. Clover's favorite kombucha stand. Do you grab a kombucha on the way out? Snag one? Yeah, sure. I need one for hydration. Reload. And you're out into the mall. You've done it. You've escaped with the smarty route. A very small amount of smarty route. A mitigated success. Mitigated success. I think we can all agree. An incredible job. We take the escalators down so we pass the guards. Ding, ding, ding. They're like, oh, wait, hold on. That's those cool treat kids.

Um, if you're stealing something for your patron, where do you leave it? Um, there was those elevators I talked about in the Oh, the hanging elevators? The flying elevators. Oh, yeah. I forgot about those. Yeah, maybe there's one that, like, we always leave stuff in. Yeah. It's like a dead drop. But sometime we could take it and find out who our patron is. It's true. The elevators don't work anymore.

Well, this is the only I think that's the thing is sometimes you come out like after a job, you come back and you're like, oh, the elevators there. You gotta put our stuff in it. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. And then yeah, ding, doors close and you just leave the elevator and then you can come back out later and be like, oh, yeah, it's gone. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. So you just pile up all the smarty route that you have in your pockets and in your mouth and shit. Yeah.

So yeah, you leave the smarty route in the elevator. Ding, doors close. You just go back inside and you guys just rest after a score. Yeah. I go have a bath. Uh-huh. I go use the other bathroom. Go shit in a chocolate river in the dark. Yeah. Reagan goes and eats a lot of sugar. Uh-huh. Yeah. The next day, Clover, you come out into the main area of the chocolate store to just be like, ah, another day in the High Spear Mall. Yeah.

And in the chocolate store on the counter, the dusty counter next to the cash register, you see a little tiny wrapped box and there's a small card folded on top. I read it. And it says, good job. You open the box and there's just sitting in the bottom, a tiny little glass bottle with a stopper in the top filled halfway with smarty oil. Yeah. And it's got this like swirling kind of oil sheen color. They're like pink, peach, lavender, opal colors. Oh, yeah. And that is that's the end of the score.

I'm not there for this. Where's Fenton? I'm on the roof monologuing. At the end of every score, you hear because I'm in the city. The city's dangerous. No, we're cutting to that. I show Franklin the oil. Is this enough for all three of us? I don't know, but I'm going to test it. I'm going to take it to Greg first. I'm going to see what he thinks about it. Can I come? Yes. Let's go. Wait, we got to show Fenton. Where is he? Oh, he's monologuing on the roof again.

Oh, so we go out there and look at him. We cut to the roof where the roof of what? The chocolate shop. Okay. So above that is the roof of this floor of the mall. Yeah. Okay. So it's a little building. Like in the rafters? Yeah. And he's painted little clouds in the sky. Yeah. God, you're crazy. I'm wearing a mask. Okay. I grab his cape and I blow it a little bit and make it look like.

And with the help of my trusty friends, we will find a way to elevate the Cool Treat Kids to the top of the food court hierarchy for within every one of us is the seeds of a new humanity. A humanity that will be tasty and delicious and full of sweet treats. What the fuck, Fenton? You always say that part. Tasty and delicious and sweet treats for we are the Cool Treat Kids and we will live forever. Put our fists together. I mean, God, he's not gonna stop. All their fists meet.

This would be cool if we had rings. Fade to black. Credits roll. So now we talk about payoff because you pulled a score, you did an okay job, and you get the reward. So what starts off is you've gained two rep. So word's gonna start spreading about the Cool Treat Kids. Like, oh yeah, they pulled off this fucking stupid job where they rode a broken roller coaster into the roof of a building. They're psychos. They're insane. And you also get two coin. Two more coin? Each? For the crew.

So two coin is listed as several purses full. So think about that. Two coins is enough to have three or four bags full of coins. And you will also get heat. Okay. From that job. So as a crew, how would we say this job went? Smooth and quiet. There was low exposure. Contained. There was standard exposure. Loud and chaotic. There was high exposure. Or wild, and there was devastating exposure. There was devastating exposure. I don't think so because we didn't get caught. Oh, true.

So was there high exposure? Yeah, high exposure because they knew that they saw us in the area. That guy saw us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We gave him the lollipop and he knows it's us because we're the people. And then he would have saw the cart when he wakes up eventually. Totally. It's pretty high exposure. Yeah, okay. High exposure. Made a big mess, yep. Huge mess. There's a lot of hot dog batter. Everywhere. So that means that you get four heat. Sounds like a lot. What does that mean?

That means that you are halfway down the track to a wanted level. Oh, no. Which is like you've caused, you've made so much trouble that people are actively hunting you down. How do we reverse that? So you can reduce heat by laying low during a downtime activity. Like we're not going to pull any jobs for a while so people forget about us. But once you get a wanted level, the only way to get it to go down is for security to put you in lockup. Or to put someone in lockup. Who looks exactly like us.

Or who they think is a member of the Hot Meat Boys. I'm hatching a scheme, my friends. I'm going to go get on my little wooden horse. And that is a scheme that we will find all about next time. On Spoutmore Mall Brats, thanks for joining us for this very first introductory job. We're all learning about Blades in the Dark together. Playing Fenton Beasley, Abdulaziz. Goodbye, everybody. Playing Clover Ivy Fern, Jessica Tai. Clover Ivy Fern forever. And playing Franklin Stein, Paul Oppers.

Franklin Stein! Thanks to all of our Patreon supporters, you guys, for supporting us and making this game possible. And thanks to John Harper, role-playing game virtuoso and well-known guy, John Harper, for making Blades in the Dark, a game that you can find online at google.com. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! And so ends the tale of the Cool Treat Kids.

Always up to no good So tiny and greedy And angsty they be As they navigate crime and puberty And and and and I give laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter!! Laughter!! And though our journey may be like a conclusion, we will not leave you without a resolution. Return next week to the chocolate store as the cool treat kids plan their next score. And for you, I'll gladly spout more. So that was the first episode of Mom Rats. I hope you guys enjoyed it.

If you're listening on launch week, just a reminder that we are going to be releasing episodes every single day this week. Launch weeks are super important for new shows, so it would help us out huge if you could go and rate and review. And by rating and reviewing, you're automatically going to be entered to win one of three massive giveaway prizes. Just make sure you sign the review with either your Discord or your social handle so we can find you. Thanks for listening. Hi, I'm Simon. I'm G.

And I'm Boof. Have you heard about Pickaxe's hit news? New old movie podcast? Yomp! We each have a list of six films we want to share. Every week, we roll a dice to randomly pick which one we watch and discuss. MC Bunkerwelt says, This trio is perfect for a movie podcast. G is the casual that has the mainstream movies. Simon is the nerd that is bringing the gems. And Boof is the cellar goblin that scrapes the bottom of the diaper. Messiah Jones says, Such a fan of this podcast.

I love the variety and all three have pretty good chemistry. G is far too confident in her own intelligence sometimes. And Simon can be a real curmudgeon. But the three work together well enough to keep the flow and make a good product. Serenity Indeed says, Love this podcast so far. But the audio is all over the place. It goes from quiet at the start of a sentence to loud in the middle. Every time somebody stops talking for even half a second, their audio goes quiet and has to ramp up again.

It's very distracting. Edit. This audio issue was with my laptop. Find Yomp on all your favourite podcast platforms. Yomp.